Evolution Schematic 09.05.06: Kane (Part 4)
Posted by Mathew Sforcina on 09.05.2006
Hot Coffee, before that meant cartoon video game sex.
First off, RIP Croc Hunter. I may not have liked you, but by god you were a great salesman for the Country.
Yes, I'm back from what was, according to Larry and Ashish, a very funny incident.
And no, I won't tell you. Why? Because it's YOUR fault I lost in the opening round of the Positivity Debate. THE OPENING ROUND! You're lucky I'm around at all.
Still, if you want to get back into my good books, and you're in Australia, start watching Cybershack TV on Channel Ten. In a week or two, or three, they'll review Wrestlemania 21, and as part of their style, they took the hostess to a Wrestling company.
Join the dots.
So, to see just why everyone around here fears me (and to see me squish a black Wonder Woman with a big splash) start watching.
Anyway, back to the guy I'm meant to be talking about here, Kane. Although my hectic life right now means this is shorter than I hoped (But this is ended with 5 parts, even if it takes me all week to write). Check here if you're new to the party. When we left, Wrestlemania 15 had seen HHH and Chyna reunite under the banner of the Corporation, and hence Kane was out on his big red ass, for all of one week.
Phase 15- A fire obsessed maniac and a greasy middle aged punk. What could possibly go wrong?
A week after HHH had abandoned DX, while the Outlaws were still coming to terms with the loss, X-Pac knew he had to move forward, and so he wrangled himself a tag title shot against Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett. Not that they minded, since they were on a roll, they were unstoppable, even the cream of 20 guys couldn't beat them at Wrestlemania…
Of course, you should know who X-Pac got as his partner, given the subject matter at hand.
The two formed a fairly strong double team, their contrasting styles working well. True, the initial idea behind them getting together (making HHH and Chyna pay) didn't quite work out, as HHH pinned X-Pac at Backlash, but they had the tag titles and held them, fighting off several teams, including the New Age Outlaws on the first SD, and Mark Henry and D'Lo Brown at Over The Edge. However, eventually their title defenses caught up to them, and they lost the tag titles a week after Over The Edge to the Acolytes, and Billy Gunn also turned his back on DX, effectively ending the group, and leaving X-Pac, Road Dogg and Kane as a loose team.
Phase 15b- Well, forget HHH, let's focus on Taker. And Holly. And Show. And Gunn. And…
Kane and X-Pac then focused on the King Of The Ring Tournament, Kane beating Test in the first round, then on the night itself beating Big Show in the second round thanks to Hardcore "Big Shot" Holly and a 3 minute chokehold. But then, thanks to Big Show being a sore loser, Kane failed to beat Gunn.
This then led, after a few weeks of back and forth arguing, to a match at Fully Loaded between the two big guys, with Hardcore as the ref. This was important, as he ended up costing Kane the match with a clip to the knee into the Chokeslam into a fast count. This led to X-Pac coming out. Which led to him being chokeslammed, and that brought Undertaker out, and the official forming of the Taker/Show duo, with continued beat down of Kane and X-Pac.
However, this beat down drove the two to regain their Tag Titles off the Acolytes, and then challenge Taker and Show to a title match at Summerslam, with Kane slowly gaining confidence in himself. X-Pac's friendship began to weaken Paul Bearer's control over him, and hence he began to realize that he wasn't a monster, nor a burnt freak. Hence, he spoke without his voice box (his first words? 'Suck it!'), and generally seem slightly more normal.
This was 100% useless as Show and Taker destroyed X-Pac at Summerslam winning the titles in fairly decisive fashion, even if Show's Chokeslam only got two thanks to a sloppy cover.
Kane then briefly came back into the main event scene, thanks to his wars with Big Show and Taker, and since they got dragged into the World Title picture thanks to Vince winning the WWF Title, Kane got dragged in too. After losing ‘his' match, the Inferno Match, to HHH (although to be fair HHH had to fight everyone else in the challenge match and win a majority to get in, and he had help to do it, and Kane's spot in the match was not on the line, just his health), he still got a spot in the main event 6 pack challenge at Unforgiven for the vacant World Title, a match he would neither win nor lose, as HHH regained his belt by pinning the British Bulldog.
So Kane went back to the tag division with his bestest buddy X-Pac. And while X-Pac's friendship was chipping away at Bearer's years of mental conditioning, it wasn't intentional. Hence Kane was still…confusable. Or at the very least, unsure as to how to deal with a friend. Hence X-Pac began to feel a little mistreated, began to think that everyone saw Kane as the power behind the team; he was just filling out the numbers. Hence, he demanded a match to prove himself to Kane. Kane, slightly confused, didn't want to hurt his friend, but at No Mercy, a 4 way elimination match was signed due to X-Pac's insistence, X-Pac vs. Kane vs. Bradshaw vs. Faarooq. And while Kane pinned Bradshaw with a chokeslam, he was almost immediately taken out by X-Pac, who ended up winning the match.
But that was ok, since he got that desire to compete out of his system, right?
Phase 16- Lose X-Pac, Gain Tori. All in all, a positive outcome.
For X-Pac turned on the man he helped create out of a monster, beating Kane down on the night that DX reformed. This did not sit well with Kane, but while he tried to deal with the fact that his best friend had turned on him, he gained another friend in Tori, who felt sorry for Kane.
And Kane, needing another person, especially now, and not wanting Paul Bearer's influence as he was still under the influence of X-Pac's words about how Paul was evil and Kane didn't need him. So he opened up to Tori, and she, shockingly, didn't shy away. But then, neither did Katie, neither did Chyna. Sometimes being a tortured soul has nice side effects.
So, with Tori by his side, Kane went after X-Pac. He got him at Survivor Series, although the match was only just getting going when DX ran in to give Kane a win, albeit a DQ win. But then X-Pac nailed Tori with a spin kick. So another match was signed, this time, as punishment, inside a Steel Cage. This didn't stop DX, who worked out how to get in the cage, and got Kane handcuffed to it. X-Pac, cocky, then turned his sights to Tori, and nailed her with an X-Factor.
This led to Kane snapping the handcuffs, Kane slamming the cage door into X-Pac's head, a clothesline off the top of the cage, and a Tombstone, ending the match by pinfall. And while this should have ended the problems, it didn't, as Tori got Kane a WWF title shot off HHH and Steph, the new power couple, it came with a stipulation that if Kane didn't win, Tori had to spend the holidays with X-Pac. Big Show did beat Kane, and hence Tori went off with X-Pac, and converted to his side, although she didn't reveal this.
Instead, she began to act paranoid, and claim to Kane that all these guys were hitting on her and molesting her. Kane would then beat them up, since he wanted to protect his love. Hence, in the lead up to the 2000 Royal Rumble, Kane was an unknowing tool of the McMahon-Helmsley Regime, as they styled themselves. After nearly winning the Royal Rumble, however, DX/HHH realised they needed to break Kane, and hence they revealed Tori's true love on the first SD after the Rumble.
Phase 17- Owner of a Broken Heart…(Insert weird sound effects here)
Kane, lost, confused, torn, a broken shell of a man, went back to the only man who ever truly loved him. Paul Bearer. And yet, somehow, Paul was different. While he was still a manipulative bastard, even HE had limits. And while years of psychological torture and manipulation was A-OK, he wasn't about to sit by and let some slut make a fool out of his son!
So Paul Bearer once again became Kane's manager, and people approved, Kane still had the fans support, more-so since a lot knew the heartache of seeing your girl leave with some other bastard. And Paul helped Kane try and get some release, some closure to this whole X-Pac/Tori deal. He didn't really get it at No Way Out, as while he did manage to Tombstone Tori, he got pinned by X-Pac.
It should be noted, that around this time, DX forced Kane to unmask for them after he failed to win a match. The group acted in total disgust at what they saw, as if he had been burnt. But now, we know he wasn't. So why did they react like that? Well, we do know that Kane is not the most attractive man on the planet, that when he wore his mask he tended to accumulate dirt and such, and also, DX were juvenile. Naturally, if they looked at anything even the tiniest bit gross, they would react like children.
The alternative is that they were so intelligent that they instantly understood Kane's psyche and wanted to reinforce the idea in his head that he was a burnt freak, but that's asking way too much of X-Pac and Road Dogg.
But then, at Wrestlemania 2000, Kane finally got some closure, as he and Rikishi dismantled and destroyed X-Pac and Road Dogg, Kane pinning X-Pac quickly, then avoiding and humiliating Pete Rose to end 2 long running problems in one fell swoop.
Phase 17b- Much better than the owner of a lonely heart…What?
Alas, just after his triumph, Kane suffered an injury, and was gone for a period of time. During this, Paul Bearer left Kane, deciding that he just wasn't worth the hassle and more, wiping his hands clean of him. Hence, left with no direction, he eventually sort out the one man left who could, perhaps, give him guidance, his half-brother, the Undertaker.
But that was short lived, as immediately after returning to the WWF, he got a chance to become WWF champion, tried to take it, and ended up alienating Taker and Rock and didn't even win the damm belt, since Rock pinned Vince at King Of The Ring 2000. And although they did patch things up, eventually Kane woke up and realised just what the hell he was doing. He was teaming with the man who burnt him! So, naturally, he chokeslammed an unsuspecting Taker through the ring to remind him of just what he had done.
At Summerslam the two fought, and in a rare case of Kane's world showing signs of cracking, Undertaker got the moral victory by ripping off Kane's mask, forcing Kane to run away, and ignoring the crowd's sudden "Wait a moment…he doesn't look burnt!" reaction, which was mild since no-one got a good look at him.
But Kane recovered, and continued to be a pissed off rampaging monster, since he had no-one to control him, no goal, nothing. However, one surfaced in the WWF World Title. Undertaker wanted it; Rock held it, Benoit was this close to getting it, so Kane also went after it, since any goal was better than none. And he got close at Unforgiven, but Rock pinned Benoit in the 4 way match to retain aver the 3 of them.
Kane began to team with Benoit, on the basis that he had nothing better to do, when a new goal presented itself.
Phase 18- Hot Coffee got Jericho into trouble LONG before GTA you know.
For on an episode of Smackdown, Jericho accidentally spilled coffee on Kane. Now, yes, hot coffee on your body isn't the most pleasant thing in the world, but Kane's reaction was over the top, even for him. But in reality, it wasn't the fact that Jericho scalded him, it was more an excuse for him to let out all his anger and frustration. After he calmed down a little he realised that Jericho was one of the pretty people, those who lived in the light he had to shun, but really, Jericho was wrong place, wrong time. After all, he was pinned at the Survivor Series by Kane when he caught the Lionsault into a Chokeslam. But Jericho, to his credit, didn't back down, and instead re-attacked Kane later in the show, their battles culminating at Armageddon 2000, where they had a last man standing match which Jericho won thanks to a big pile of barrels.
Kane was at his lowest point. He was totally lost, without a guide, without a map, without a purpose. So low, in fact, that when a man whom he knew and hated far too well came calling, this time, for the first time, he was willing to listen…