News From Cook's Corner 09.07.06
Posted by Steve Cook on 09.07.2006
Vote Cook in 06...because we need beer money!
Hi, hello, and welcome to the Corner! This week is one of those weeks where there's a lot of little stuff going on, but nothing terribly important. My mind, along with the minds of millions, is on the NFL season starting tonight. Tonight we've got the Miami Dolphins led by mah boyyyyyyyyyy Ronnie Brown going against the hated Pittsburgh Steelers led by people who are either out or probable. I gotta say I like the Dolphins tonight, though I don't see them as contending for the AFC Championship like the Steelers probably will. Would you trust Charlie Batch as YOUR starting quarterback? Hell, I would have liked the Bengals' chances with Anthony Wright as the starter better.
Csonka says he feels fine because Charlie Batch was 2-0 last year. My research shows that the teams he played against were the 4-12 Green Bay Packers & the 6-10 Cleveland Browns. My sister could quarterback the Steelers to victories against those sorry excuses for football teams.
I think I might do some weekly NFL picks over in the blog section…that'll give y'all a reason to check that shit out and I won't talk about it here quite as much. The only problem is that now I'll have nothing else to talk about in these columns. The Reds are finished, and my Louisville Cardinals lost their star running back for the year on Sunday. Bad times. I thought for sure we could take the Big East this year, but now that Michael Bush is out of commission…not as likely. Such a downer.
I guess I could talk about wrestling, but really, who talks about wrestling in a wrestling news column? That's just wild. Seriously though, there's not much news this week. I guess this has something to do with the Wrestling Observer having it's Hall of Fame issue this week and the Figure 4 Weekly just being about Bryan Alvarez going to some PWG shows. I'll see if I can scrape up something to talk about.
You guessed it, more Angle stuff
Well, this time last week, we thought that the parting of ways between Kurt Angle & WWE was amicable. It wouldn't be long before WWE changed its tune on that…reporting on their WWE Mobile service that Angle was an "emotional wreck" during the meeting where he was fired, and labeling the meeting as "heated". This came as shocking news to…um…er…somebody?
Then JJ Botter said over on the Pulse that Kurt Angle will be going to TNA. I'm really not sure that's going to happen for a couple reasons...the most important reason being that Angle shouldn't be wrestling in his physical condition. I'm not a doctor, and I'm not personally friends with Kurt Angle, but I've seen the guy on television and I've heard about the injuries he's suffered over the years. I've said it here before, I'll say it again even more simply: dude should not be wrestling. And anybody who thinks he should is either in denial about the situation or doesn't care about Angle's physical well-being. Bottom line.
So basically not that much has changed this week except more of the truth is out in the open. And pardon the pun, but for Kurt Angle...the truth hurts.
Vince McMahon pushing himself? Who knew?
I'm sure you all are anticipating the Triple H vs. Mr. McMahon Raw main event next week with bated breath. WWE.com even has a spiffy little banner at the top of their page promoting the Match of the Century:
Well isn't that special? A funny news bit coming from this is that WWE workers "are noticing how much Vince McMahon is pushing himself". Were they living under rocks before? I'll be blunt...the McMahons have not entertained me in a long time. DX was actually much more tolerable on ECW this week, and I credit that to there being no McMahons around. Though the Basham Brother taking the sledgehammer shot to the helmet helped a lot too.
Actually, ECW was pretty damn solid this week. Test & Mike Knox had their best match ever thanks to Sabu & RVD, Ariel was hot, and CM Punk actually did something that I can respect him for. Who saw that coming?
WWE humiliating Joey Styles?
Remember how Ariel did a lap dance for Joey Styles on the ECW show this week and he acted like somebody had taken a dump in his Corn Flakes? Well, word has it that Joey was put in that position to humble him a little bit. Styles is by all accounts very religious and leads a monogamous lifestyle, but he's run into some problems backstage with his cocky attitude. WWE has put talent in embarrassing situations on TV in the past in order to send a message to them, and many believe that's why the lap dance was booked.
All I gotta say is this…if their new idea of embarrassing their employees is having Shelley Martinez give them lap dances, I'm gonna send my resume to them ASAP. 411 sure doesn't have benefits like that. Sure, there was that one time JT tried to give me a lap dance, but that kinda thing isn't my cup of tea.
Cryme Tyme….smell the controversy!
You know, I've never really gotten the big deal over certain things that were supposed to be "controversial". Maybe it's because I'm a desensitized white male below the age of 30, maybe it's because I've been exposed to a lot of really offensive stuff over the years…whatever it is, there's just some stuff that Mainstream American whines and complains about that I just don't see what the big deal is.
The "Cryme Tyme" vignette on Raw was apparently something that people were supposed to find offensive. And apparently plenty of people did if the message boards are any indication. But…..I don't get it.
It's not that the vignette was funny or particularly entertaining. I don't know what robbing a smoothie store has to do with wrestling. The football voice-over guy was kinda funny, I guess. I imagine that the problem that most people have with this gimmick is the ridiculous press release up on WWE.com about it.
[I] Tonight a new tag team, Cryme Tyme, will be introduced to the RAW audience. In an effort to humor and entertain our fans the tag team known as Cryme Tyme will be parodying racial stereotypes.
Shad Gaspar and JTG do outlandish, outrageous "stunts" to ready themselves for tag team action on RAW. This attempt at Saturday Night Live-like humor is bound to entertain audiences of all ethnic derivations.
We hope you enjoy the weekly adventures of Cryme Tyme.[/I]
So basically, WWE is trying to create their own controversy. I guess you can't totally blame them for that, because as Eric Bischoff would say: Controversy = Cash. But here's the thing…the most controversial things aren't usually done by people just for the sake of creating controversy. It just seems like WWE's trying too hard to piss people off with this thing…and really, it's just not that offensive in 2006 unless you've got a really thin skin. There's worse stuff on the Carlos Mencia show every week, and Dave Chappelle pretty much has the patent on making fun of African-American stereotypes.
No, Cryme Tyme wasn't even the most offensive thing on WWE programming this week. That would have been Matt Striker's lame attempt to get cheap heat by making fun of the Crocodile Hunter's death. Maybe we should be used to WWE trying to use dead people to get their wrestlers over, but that just wasn't right. I just wish he was in Australia when he said that…after all, one of the racial stereotypes about Australians is that they're far more likely to kick your ass for saying something stupid.
Bobby Eaton recovering from heart-related ailment
The inventor of the Alabama Jam is resting at home after suffering a heart attack last week and having surgery at a hospital in Tennessee. You're not going to find many people with something bad to say about Bobby Eaton, he's apparently one of the nicest guys ever to step foot into the wrestling business.
I was always disappointed that WCW couldn't think of anything better to do with Eaton after his run as a tag team champion with Arn Anderson in 1992. The guy had talent, but they just didn't have much to do for him other than putting people over. I guess he could have done better if he complained more, but it probably wasn't his style. Good to hear he's feeling better.
TNA coming to Ohio!
TNA/UWF will be holding a show in Toledo on the 20th of October, which if I remember correctly is the Friday before Bound For Glory. They say that talent appearing will include Samoa Joe, Rhino, Abyss, Jay Lethal, Chris Sabin, Eric Young, Bobby Roode, Alex Shelley, AJ Styles, and Earl Hebner. I'm not sure why AJ's near the end of that list, or why they think that Earl Hebner needs to be advertised.
Toledo's still too far for me to go, dangnab it. I guess they're taking that restraining order business pretty seriously. But hey, if you live in Toledo or Detroit it should be quite the weekend. Detroit never gets any good wrestling shows, do they?
AJ Speaks Out!
The Phenomenal AJ Styles was recently interviewed by IGN.com…here's some of what he had to say!
On TNA's Product: da wrestling iz so different from WWE. meh just believe that da best athletes in wrestling work fo' TNA. When ya'll watch our matches ya'll can see that. We actually bring wrestling, an' we bring that wrestling ta a different level that WWE iz no way able ta do. Just da caliber o' guys that we haz at TNA iz just unbelievable, an' when ya'll put that with unbelievable athletes, da thang haz a great product.
On Batista's Criticism of Styles' Work: In defense o' Batista, meh don't believe da thang until I've heard niggas say da thang, an' I've heard through da grapevine that da nigga didn't even say any o' that stuff. So da thang haz almost like us against da media. da niggas want da thang ta be hot between da two companies, an' da thang iz because that's our competition, but in that same line, meh don't want ta see anybody get hurt, even if'in da niggas work fo' da competition. da thang gets crazy like that. But do meh think WWE fears us? Absolutely, that's why da niggas brought back ECW. They're afraid an' da niggas should be. We're growing at a super fast rate, an' that's something ta be scared o'.
On the Possibility of Kurt Angle Coming to TNA: Time will tell. hoo knows? meh would definitely love ta wrestle Kurt an' we'd love ta haz him in TNA. Time will tell, nigga, ya'lls guess iz as good as mine.
On TNA's Upcoming Video Game: meh think that da thang haz good fo' everyone. TNA iz a growing company an' Midway iz goin' ta take advantage o' that by putting out a great game. da thang haz almost like we're goin' ta piggyback off o' each other. Publicity-wise, da thang will be great fo' everybody, an' in da fans eyes, seeing iz believing. Maybe ya'll didn't know someone could do a flipping piledriver like da Canadian Destroyer until ya'll see da thang in da game, then you're goin' ta want ta see how da thang looks in real life. da thang haz such a huge thang fo' both companies.
Interesting words from Styles…he doesn't sound at all like that on television.
Senshi suffering from whiplash
The wrestler still known some places as Low Ki was spotted wearing a neck brace backstage at the Impact tapings on Monday. He should still be able to wrestle against Chris Sabin at TNA's next PPV. I still like him, even though he hasn't exactly set the world on fire in TNA...but then again, who gets the chance to do that beside Jarrett.
And if Jarrett's rumored match for the next PPV ends up being true, I will be a saaaaaaaad panda. Especially if he goes over like I assume he will.
Dallas Hart training to be a wrestler
The oldest son of Bret Hart will be training under Calgary's own Lance Storm, who may or may not have trained in Stu Hart's Dungeon depending on who's crafting his back-story this week. If Dallas takes to wrestling well, expect him to be signed by WWE and put on Hulk Hogan's reality show along with his cousin Harry.
Nah, there's too much money to be made by recreating the Montreal Screwjob to waste Dallas's time with something like that. Seriously though, we here at the Corner wish Dallas luck on his quest to become the Second Best there is, the Second Best there was, and the Second Best there ever will be.
Speaking of Canadians…
There will be reason to watch Smackdown again very soon, as Chris Benoit is returning to WWE on October 21st at a Smackdown house show in Manilla, Philippines. For his return he will be teaming with Bobby Lashley two straight nights against the teams of Finlay/Regal & King Booker/Mr. Kennedy………
KENNEDY!
Sorry, it's been too long since I've gotten to do that.
New WWE Developmental Territories?
There is talk of starting up new WWE developmental territories in the Northeast and the Southeast. Afa's WXW has been talked about as potentially going the WWE developmental route, and they would also like to do something using Steve Keirn's school in Florida. Sounds like a good idea, except for the fact that most of the guys they're developing now kinda suck and I think that increasing the number of them would just make them even more mediocre. You know, like how baseball used to be good with 20 teams, but then they kept expanding and now anybody with a working arm can be a baseball pitcher.
In an unrelated note, here's the list of teams I would contract: Tampa Bay, Washington, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Colorado, Kansas City, Cleveland, Boston, the Yankees and Milwaukee. Really, would anybody miss those teams?
Super Crazy goes to Raw, Psicosis goes nowhere
It was kinda cool seeing Super Crazy beat Chris Masters on Raw Monday, but it made me ask myself something: "Where the fuck is Psicosis?" The Wrestling Observer reports that Psicosis is still at every Smackdown taping, but they have nothing for him to do. With Crazy on Raw, you can forget about a Mexicools feud. Also, a creative team member recently buried him in a meeting, so you can kinda figure he won't be used anytime soon.
Come on, I can't be the only one wondering what happened to Psicosis, right? Perfectly good wrestler, decent personality, they should have something for him to do. Right now they've got their Cruiserweight Champion feuding with a guy that isn't even a cruiserweight. What's the point of that?
Plugs
You can ask Clarke all your questions. For the record, I choose to believe that Randy Savage did bang Stephanie McMahon in the mid-1990s. I have no factual basis for believing that rumor, but really, isn't it the kind of thing that you want to believe because it's so funny?
Gamble brings me the inside dirt on game shows. He's good people.
There's one thing I don't quite get about Sullivan…why does he think people are staring at his ball? Oh, and one other thing, does he only have one ball? I feel sorry for him if that's the case…
Csonka tries to book the WWE Women's division. I had a similar idea about booking a TNA women's division, but people keep telling me that having Traci Brooks squash all the other women every week isn't a good idea. Nobody has convinced me that it isn't a good idea yet, however.
Meehan talks about action figures. I stopped collecting them when they stopped doing the ones with the Bone Crushing Action…the new ones were too tall to wrestle with those without making it look like Great Khali vs. Rey Mysterio.
Clarke finds Rossi. Somebody in that group needs to learn how to spell "Finkel", though. I wonder if he gets pissed off about that sort of thing.
I just realized that Clarke is trying to rival Csonka as far as amount of columns published per week goes. He's still got 10 to go.
And in the most important plug of the week, you guys need to go to Hidden Highlights and vote for me in the Great Positivity Debate. It's not that I have anything against Julian Williams, in fact he's really grown on me since his arrival to the Mania. I just need to kick his ass, that's all. And if I get to the second round, I can go against the guy that took over the Sunday news slot for me. It is my destiny!
As for a bribe…well, I think it's best that I save the big guns for the later rounds, if you know what I mean. If I just give you everything now, I won't have anything left for the 2nd round, or the finals. Vote for me, and in the long run it will pay off. Trust me.
Trust me.
One last FF team, then we're outta here
Yeah, I said I was going to only have 3 FF teams this year…I lied. Some of my buddies from last year formed a league at the last minute, so I joined up with them again. This team, Southern Comfort consists solely of players with some form of Southern roots…most of them were born there but there were a couple of guys I included for going to college down South. I ended up with the 8th pick out of 8 teams, which isn't fun because you're getting the least of the tippy top guys and you gotta wait forever before making 2 straight picks. I did the best I could…take a look!
QB: D. Culpepper, B. Favre
RB: C. Portis, W. Dunn, J. Addai, F. Gore, D. Williams
WR: C. Johnson, T. Holt, T. Owens, K. McCardell, Ma. Jones
TE: J. Shockey, B. Troupe
K: J. Feely
DEF: Carolina
I told JT that Favre was finished the other night, but he was available in the 14th round so I thought he was a good pickup for backup QB at that point in the game. I'm hoping the Florida-born Culpepper will actually stay healthy this season, but getting him in the 7th round wasn't too shabby. Portis was my first pick, my boy Chad Johnson was my second, and then I got Holt & Owens with the next two picks while calling myself a moron for picking 3 WRs with the first 4 picks I had. But hey, that WR corps is a thing of beauty even if TO self-destructs. And getting Frank Gore in the 11th round was pretty sweet, especially since in my other 8-team league, Penguin thought he was stealing him in the 7th round. Good times.
Unfortunately people insisted on picking kickers earlier in this league and I had to get one in the 12th round. I hated myself for picking one with a pick inside the top 100.
And for the record, I was drunk, but since I drank the rest of my Southern Comfort on Monday night, it was Jim Beam & Coke for this draft. Nothing like throwing back the mixed drinks on a Wednesday afternoon, eh?
That's all for this week…I'll be back next week when we'll likely have all sorts of fun stuff to talk about. Not that I'll talk about it, but maybe there will be something.
