News to Start Your Weekend 09.15.06
Posted by Nick Marsico on 09.15.2006
I call out JR on snipping at TNA and UFC, The Rock is STILL not coming back, and a look at how to properly book a long term feud. It's all inside!
It appears that it is once again time for me to spend a little bit of time writing this little column of mine and ruining everybody's Friday morning, and as always, that certainly is exactly what I intend to do. I actually just recently reinstalled Microsoft Office on my laptop… I had been using Open Office, if any of you have heard of it, which is something you can download online for free that has basically all of the same features as the Microsoft version, except none of the programs are quite as polished. I have now completed that chapter of my life and am back with the much smoother, better-looking and more practical to use Word, and it makes my job here just a little bit easier.
A SPECIAL RANT TO OPEN WITH
There's no real news from Monday that I give a shit about, so I'll just rant for a little bit; on RAW, TNA and generally, what I intend to accomplish is to explain why long term feuds on television tend to suck and how to make them not suck.
A little about RAW first…
I feel almost like I can't be bothered anymore. The show doesn't feel polished and well-run, it has very little flow (I'm not just talking about Monday, I'm talking about every RAW for a while now, including this past Monday), often they just throw crap out there with no rhyme or reason to take up time (ah, the dreaded filler match) when they could be using the time to build a character that they intend to do something meaningful with (sorry, but Super Crazy isn't in line for any sort of actual push), and the show is just so, so far away from being larger than life that it tends to just annoy me week after week. Everything is paint-by-numbers and they make sure to let us know weekly that in the long run, nothing really matters unless Vince McMahon is an active part of it on television.
And now for the long term angles…
It's weird… the two intended "biggest angles" going in televised wrestling today (The McMahons vs. DX and Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting) have actually, in concept, had the structures of well done long term storylines. In theory, both angles are set up great, there are some decent twists and turns, and they haven't just been what a current long-term feud's definition generally is, which includes putting the exact same match, sometimes with a stipulation, on pay-per-view every month. The problem is the talent involved. None of the 6 people who are the focus of both storylines should be the guys involved. On the WWE side, we should be currently witnessing two or three young, rising stars who have banded together in order to control their own destiny being challenged by a pair of other individuals (more established than the up-and-comers but not at the same status as H and Shawn) who have some ties and relationships outside of just themselves and are manipulative enough to get them to aid in the effort to stop the rise of these young dudes.
It could have begun just like the Michaels/McMahon feud did. One of the young guys comes out on RAW one week (after a big PPV win, presumably) to address that situation and talk about how he's going to move on. I don't want to get too fantasy booking-ish here, so I'm not going to give examples of guys I might use or get too much into detail, but I'll give some generalities about my feelings on the whole thing. Basically, the guy gets interrupted by the pair of guys, and we have now set the groundwork of what will become a long-lasting rivalry. It begins, for a couple of months, as just this one young face character feuding with the two heels over a number of PPV shows. For argument's sake, he faces one guy at one PPV and the other guy on, say, Saturday Night's Main Event. At the same time as this is going on, another young guy has been making a name for himself completely separate from this saga, and has been picking up some wins over legitimate talent and even ends up winning himself the Intercontinental Title. When a challenge is made to the guy who is feuding with the other two for a tag team match, this guy steps up and interjects himself in this feud, and off we go.
The solution…
What you have to do is not over saturate. The problem with the Edge/Cena feud (which, granted, has been decent enough) is that there's just not much actually going on. It's always just the same. Edge says or does something cocky that Cena doesn't like, so in turn Cena beats him up. Edge wants revenge so he blindsides Cena, gets the upper hand and generally ends up paying for it thanks to another Cena inflicted beat down later on in the show. Rinse and repeat.
It's just Edge versus Cena and there are no outside players. Things must be kept fresh for the matches between the two main guys to mean a damn. How do you do this? Easy. They can't JUST feud with one another for the entirety of their feud. They can both have separate pay-per-view opponents and fall into different, short term feuds with other guys, but the tension and the rivalry and the interactions between the two guys intertwined in the long term angle just isn't to stop. They don't have to cut long winded promos on each other every week or get into it physically. They can do as little as throw a jab through an off color comment that they just tack on to a promo on somebody else, as a side note. They can become friendly with the guy who is currently taking up most of the time of the other one, possibly using that guy's talents to their advantage. For a little clarification, I'm going to throw this out there just as an example, using Edge and Cena as the two main guys who are going to feud with each other, doing so on RAW. The feud is going to last a calendar year, more or less, and for randomness' sake I've asked a roommate of mine to just say any month, and he said July, so that's the month in which the feud will begin.
Cena is the champion and Edge is the challenger to begin. Both guys are also currently in feuds which are winding down. For the sake of having names (yes, I said I wasn't going to do it in lieu of getting to close to fantasy booking, but I'm just trying to get a general concept across and having names makes it simpler for you, the readers), Edge is feuding with Carlito and Cena is feuding with Randy Orton. I'll make a note when a title change might be appropriate.
Vengeance
- John Cena & Carlito def. Randy Orton & Edge
SummerSlam
- John Cena def. Edge
Unforgiven
- John Cena def. Kane
- Edge def. Jeff Hardy
Survivor Series
- Edge, Orton, Nitro, Mondo & Jeter def. Cena, Carlito, Hardy, Haas & Benjamin
*note: Mondo and Jeter are Mikey and Johnny of the Spirit Squad, now on their own but still heels and tag champions. The World's Greatest Tag Team has reformed as faces and are feuding with them.
Cyber Sunday
- Edge def. John Cena, Randy Orton & Carlito
*note: Edge wins the WWE Title in four way elimination match.
Royal Rumble
- Edge def. Carlito
*note: A SmackDown guy wins the Rumble match, but Cena was in the final four, three of whom were RAW guys.
RAW in February
- John Cena def. Randy Orton & Triple H
*note: This was a #1 Contendership match for the WrestleMania title shot between the three final RAW guys in the Rumble.
Saturday Night's Main Event
- Umaga def. John Cena
- Edge def. Shawn Michaels
*note: The stipulation here was that the two guys wrestling for the belt at ‘Mania could choose the other's opponent for SNME.
WrestleMania
- John Cena def. Edge
*note: Cena wins the WWE Title back.
BackLash
- John Cena def. Umaga
- Edge & Nitro def. Haas & Benjamin
*note: Edge & Nitro become tag champions after WGTT win the belts from Mondo & Jeter at WrestleMania. Edge & Nitro go on defending the belts as the summer begins and Cena defends his title. They interact sparingly, but Edge never lets the fans or Cena forget he will be back to get that belt and often will aid a Cena challenger before or during a match, be it with advice, distraction or physical interference, although the physical contact is used quite sparingly.
RAW in June
- Edge def. John Cena
*note: The match had been building again ever since WrestleMania, and Edge eventually pushes Cena into allowing him one more title shot and it will be held on a big time version of RAW, as there is no PPV for RAW until July after Backlash at the end of April. Edge wins the title.
Vengeance
- Edge def. John Cena
*note: Between his WWE Title win and this match, Cena has cost Edge & Nitro the tag straps. This is a cage match billed as being the end of the war. Edge wins and both men move on.
So yeah, that might have come off a bit like fantasy booking, but the intention was to display how to keep a long term rivalry fresh. In the span of a full year and a month there were only 4 one-on-one Edge/Cena matches, and the first two were about 8 months apart.
On that note, I think the way TNA has run the Jarrett/Sting angle has been just about perfect. My only problem with it is that I just wish that instead of using those two it was two more relevant stars with a longer term future, but other than that, they've really set it up well and built the matches up right. Sting's been back in TNA since January and he feuded with Jarrett the entire time, but the first one-on-one match between them came about 7 months into the feud, and their second (and I would assume final) match will come 2 months after that one. They haven't rushed the build and they've given us plenty of assortment in matches and guys involved, and a lot has happened in TNA since January. Basically, TNA seems to get the idea when it comes to building a long term angle, even if the execution isn't always perfect.
TUESDAY'S NEWS
Israel tour canceled; ECW musician death… They finally decided to realize that the tour of Israel was silly and shortsighted to book in the first place and it has now officially been canceled. Good. Also, Eddie Sperry passed away last weekend in Thailand. He played a part in making a lot of music for ECW. Thailand, eh? Why do people often go to Thailand? Nah, couldn't be.
MVP fax… In an effort to keep this angle going even off television, the dot com posted up a multiple page fax apparently sent by Montel Vontavious Porter. I read the first couple pages and then got tired of it, but it's there if you want to check it out. It doesn't really matter or anything, it's just one of those goofy things Michael Cole and the dot com team like to run when they have nothing better to do.
Brad Armstrong signed for ECW… He's probably not going to show up on TV much, if at all, from the way I take it. He's basically going to be something of a road agent that actually works matches with the guys at house shows.
Greg Gagne canned… For one reason or another, Greg Gagne is no longer working as a booker for Ohio Valley Wrestling. It's just news, I don't care either way.
Rock ‘n wrestling; Hemme injury… In this week's edition of the news that will never stop being posted, The Rock once again said in an interview that he has no plans to return to wrestling. This was news, like a year ago (at least) when he first made that exact statement. Just because he continues to have interviews and just because people continue asking him that same question doesn't mean we have to keep posting it up. If he announces he's thinking about returning, then we have some news. I'm taking you to task, Ash!
Also, Christy Hemme, who has apparently been training more as a wrestler, underwent surgery for a hernia and now must halt her training for 6 weeks.
"My black hat is off to Lilian Garcia, yes, she's single gentlemen, for her stirring rendition of America the Beautiful. It was very Aretha Franklin-like from Wrestlemania 3. Lilian is a former Gamecock by the way."
So is he saying that she's a fat black woman who is game when it comes to entertaining the cock? I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
He also calls Johnny Nitro "Johnny ‘Don't call me Monday' Nitro". I wonder if he remembers that the reason Nitro originally picked that name was to suck up to Bischoff, who was the GM at the time. He also went on to comment about the Hardy/Nitro match this Sunday, saying:
"This match may resemble some of the ECW Hardcore Rules contests, at times, inasmuch as swinging for the fences and fouling one off occasionally but I am looking forward to it nonetheless."
He's basically telling us to get ready for botch-fest 2006.
JR on Kings in World Wrestling Entertainment:
"Speaking of Smackdown, how many "kings" are there now days in the WWE? There's the original King, Jerry Lawler, Smackdown's Champ, King Booker, the King of Kings, HHH, and let's not forget the King of the Ring."
Uh, JR, Booker is King of the Ring, you goof. He goes on to criticize TNA:
"What, wrestlers taking lie detector tests on TV? Stop it now, please, I am begging you! Wrestling shows that try and "out WWE" the WWE is like flatulence in the wind, it just blows away. A wrestling show that focuses primarily on the in ring product might be a novel concept for a budding WWE wannabe. No one is going to out "WWE" the WWE. I went through the exact same issue while I was at WCW in the late 80's-early 90's."
So you're asking TNA to stop trying to out-suck WWE? Does he not remember that Vince's attempt at the ‘ol lie detector test not only took about 20 minutes longer than TNA's, but that it was also ridiculously painful to watch and that the storyline surrounding it never had an ending due to Hogan walking out on the company? Oh, revisionist history. I'm not sure, though, if JR is trying to reference the fact that they already did a lie detector test on SmackDown or if he doesn't remember it and just thinks a lie detector test on a wrestling show is silly. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter.
Not to mention that a paragraph like this shows, even if it's only JR, that TNA is on the map with them and that he knows if they can get a better timeslot and some momentum, things can get interesting. JR's no dummy; he knows the kind of talent they have in TNA and you'd be a liar if you told me he hasn't been keeping an eye on them for himself, if not for Vince.
On hopeful WWE divas:
"Here's a word of advice to all aspiring, wannabe WWE Divas. It will/should take more than a breast enhancement and a fake tan to get a job in the WWE. I would suggest one familiarize one's self with the product, and understand the physical demands this job requires. Being an athlete would be a good thing as well. If you worry about a broken, fake finger nail you may have problems. This is a special business and one should study its history. Rent or buy some WWE DVD's and educate yourself on the heritage of the business. Plus, being able to talk in complete sentences is a good thing, too."
Ok, so why, then, were Molly Holly and Christy Hemme fired? How come Victoria rots away on house shows and the occasional HeAt? Why does it feel like the same fate is soon in store for Mickie? Why fucking have a Diva Search contest at all? Oh, JR, you silly goose. Finally, he takes some shots at UFC while speaking about Kurt Angle:
"The mixed martial arts business is hot again, for the moment, and there is no doubt that ambitious promoters would love to have the 1996 Olympic Gold Medalist step into an octagon or whatever to help maintain their PPV momentum."
Dude… you do realize that UFC 61 raped WrestleMania in terms of domestic buyrate, right? But yeah, 2 hours worth of television a week (one of which being a reality show and the other basically a ‘best of' showing good UFC fights) on cable and nowhere near the marketing power of WWE and getting huge buyrates really shows that the only reason UFC's doing any good is because of the hype machine, right? No, dummy, it's because people are interested in a real sport with real drama. UFC, with absolutely no storylines other than real life events and with not a minute of new, original weekly programming with which to build up to matches still somehow is able to make a fight exciting and can build a big time atmosphere around a fight, even for somebody like me, someone only recently getting into MMA.
I've seen a couple fights Matt Hughes has been in and I've never seen BJ Penn fight, yet after only seeing last month's UFC 62 and some commercials for the fight, I've become more excited for and anticipate Hughes vs. Penn II more than any WWE match in recent memory, which for me, unlike JR, spans multiple years. Angle vs. Michaels at WM 21 was big, but that was barely at all thanks to WWE, who completely dropped the ball in the build to that. I, along with a lot of other people, was excited about it because of the two guys in it, not because of the half-assed build and quite meh story that led up to it. Hughes vs. Penn has no creative writing team behind it yet the story that leads to this fight is much better than the one they had for the Angle/Michaels match. I mean come on…
Penn works through the Welterweight ranks and is just a dominant, bad ass fighter, he wins the belt but ends up walking away from the sport for a while. He defeated Matt Hughes, who was a rising star who had been quite dominant himself, to win it, before walking away. Hughes ended up winning the title back and became even more of a beast than he was before and during his first title defense. Hughes was set to defend the belt against Georges St. Pierre, but St. Pierre got injured and the man who made Hughes tap got the call. Now Penn is back, getting the opportunity to win back the belt that he was never defeated for, against the guy he originally beat to get it. That's a fantastic story, and it all actually happened FOR REAL. But I guess UFC is just a flash in the pan, JR, because nobody there is fucking cheerleader dolls while wearing a mask and pretending to be their upcoming title challenger. Right?
See No Evil is coming out on DVD November 28. Included in the bonus features is all of the stuff they showed us during WWE programming to hype up the movie. I can't wait to relive all of that! I mean, Kane, shirtless and in tights on the red carpet! Does it get any better? MMA beware!
New Jack hauled off by police… Maybe he can come to WWE and join Cryme Tyme. I still wish they would have brought him in when he offered to come in and be the guy who stabbed Cena. That would have ruled, and I don't like New Jack. But it would have ruled.
iMPACT thoughts… Well they certainly stepped it up from the last couple of weeks and put out a really good show again. The opening match between Styles & Daniels and Bentley & Kazarian was fun and got a good chunk of time. Maverick Matt and The Future looked, at times a little off, but they're still a good team and didn't come off looking like chumps. Is there any better tandem finisher in wrestling today than the BME followed by the frog splash? Does anybody do a moonsault better than Chris Daniels? Does anybody hit a better frog splash than AJ Styles?
The answer to all 3 questions is no, by the way.
I don't know how to feel about the young X Division guys doing Jackass stuff, although it could work since Senshi is the all-business bad ass and he's taking on the leader of the goofy young dudes next Sunday. That bump Devine took into the post from the shopping cart was SICK, though.
The Hangman's Horror match was okay, but the finish was a bit anticlimactic. It was fine ending where it ended, but they should have given Abyss a little more time to choke out Raven and should have stuck by the stipulations and shown Raven pass out. The way it was, there wasn't much drama in the finish. I was surprised to see Runt turn on Raven, though. It's kind of interesting and I wonder where this one is going.
As far as the town hall meeting went, it was a pretty cool visual, but I thought that it would have been cooler if the show would have ended when Joe finished his promo. That would have been a fantastic visual and closing set of words to leave us with. I guess they have to build up to Jarrett defending himself and being a prick that will hit the fans, though, as well as give them more of a reason to hate him. With the plant they used on the show, though, does that now mean it's a certainty that the fans with straps will be plants? I don't fully think so, and I don't believe that all of the fans at ringside were plants, and some of them got their licks in on Zbyszko, so there's that.
Overall, as I said, it was finally another quite good show that really didn't have any dull points and got everything over really well leading into the PPV next week.
SHOW PREVIEWS
friday night smackdown…
- Gregory Helms versus Matt Hardy
- Mr. Kennedy versus Rey Mysterio (United States Championship)
- The Miz versus Scotty Too Hotty
- Brian Kendrick versus Idol Stevens versus Kid Kash
- Sir William Regal versus Vito
- Sylvester Terkay versus Jobber
- Bobby Lashley versus Finlay (World Heavyweight Title #1 Contendership)
tna impact…
- Monty Brown versus Rhino (Falls Count Anywhere)
- Petey Williams versus Jay Lethal
wwe unforgiven…
- John Cena versus Edge (TLC Match, WWE Championship)
- DX versus The McMahons & Big Show (Hell in a Cell)
- Jeff Hardy versus Johnny Nitro (Intercontinental Championship)
- Trish Stratus versus Lita (Trish's Retirement Match, Women's Championship)
- Carlito versus Randy Orton
- The Highlanders versus The Spirit Squad (World Tag Team Championship)
- Kane versus Umaga
THE EMAIL PORTION OF THE PROGRAM
James Hagan agrees with me about SmackDown:
Liked your comments about SD. I don't get how the IWC hates on the show. Week in and week out it's fairly consistent at being either entertaining or at least not mind-numbingly stupid like Raw (or even Impact) sometimes can be. Any show that gives ample time to Finlay every week can't be that bad. What I don't get is people say that 'SD doesn't have any top stars, they're all on Raw', then in the same column complain about DX and the McMahon's (the top stars) clogging up Raw or how Cena sucks and they don't want to watch him. It's almost a no-win for WWE.
Anyway, good stuff.
And I agree with him.
Russ Good is excited about WWE in HD:
As an avid HDTV viewer, yes. Yes, I did cream my pants when I heard about HDTV being "experimented with" by WWE. Then I realized that PPV doesn't come in high def yet, and none of the WWE stations (USA, SciFi, and the CW, at least here in Chicago) even offer high definition yet. Then the cream dried and I wept a little.
Also, absolutely agree with you in regards to Jeff Hardy. I was really looking forward to his return, and he seems like a lazier, sloppier version of the Jeff that left. I missed his TNA run, so I assume that's where people could actually witness the detirioration of his skills week after week. Me, I get Jeff Hardy version 0.1 after hoping for something better. That'll teach me...I'm never getting excited about anything ever again.
Jeff Hardy sucks. You are correct sir.
Philip Saunders wonders if Sylvan Grenier actually is gay:
Hang on... is Sylvan Grenier 'openly gay'? Do you have any sources from this apart from his being 'a close friend' of Pat Patterson?
Just wondering if I missed something!
As Tony Soprano once said: "He's a faaaaaaag."
And as Jerry Seinfeld once said (multiple times in an episode, George too): "Not that there's anything wrong with that."
THE END FOR NOW
I'm done again for the week. I'll be at Ring of Honor's Glory by Honor V tomorrow night in NYC… GHC CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE LINE~! Maybe I'll write about it next week. Also, as is customary for my last column before a PPV…
And one last thing, I will give RAW credit where credit is due (albeit not that much). At least for this PPV, they actually had the match card set more than 6 days before the show and every single match on the card actually had coherent build for it. None of the build was all that good, but they've given a reason for every match on the card, and I can appreciate that. This show almost feels like one that doesn't not matter. If they continue on like this, PPVs might eventually start to mean something again.
