The Top Ten 9.19.06: Gimmick Matches
Posted by Julian Williams on 09.19.2006
The best Gimmick Matches ever, reader feedback, the top ten reasons to order Unforgiven, lots of pics with hot chicks, and much more. What are you waiting for? Click The Link!!
Greetings conspiracy theorists and doomsday revelers and welcome to another paranoid edition of The Top Ten. This week we're going to take a look at The Top Ten Gimmick Matches of all-time. Let's get right into all the fun with a look at some of your thoughts on the last two columns.
Reader Feedback
First off, Mike LaFave takes some time off from Getting Over various wrestlers(cheap plug baby) to drop me a line on Angle:
Hey man, another quality list!
Couple some differences. One, I thought Angle's match w/ Rock at No Mercy, when he won his first championship was better than the No Way Out match...but you really can't go wrong w/ either one.
Second, I've always thought that if the Angle/Benoit match from Royal Rumble took place at a mania, and the HBK match at the Rumble, that those matches would be switched in a lot of people's mind. Don't get me wrong, Angle/HBK at Wrestlemania 21 was a def 5 star classic and would be number 2 on my list, but for my money, Angle vs. Benoit at the '03 Rumble was the best match I've ever seen.
That being said, I should tell you that I was in attendance for both those matches. As much as I liked Angle, it was crushing to see the Rock lose (although if memory serves that was one of the first matches that heel Angle was getting a decent face pop).
As for being at the Fleet Center live to see the magic of the Angle/Benoit match, seriously, words can't describe it. After the disappointment of HHH/Steiner (which my section def deserves credit for getting the pro Trips chants going and booing all of Scott's suplexes), we were all ready for something great. Sure Lesnar F-5ed Big Show, and that's impressive enough on TV, seeing that live was nuts, and yes the Rumble match it's self was still to come, but you could feel something special was in the arena that night. Angle and Benoit put on a match that not only brought the house down but will go down in the annuls of wrestling history. The hot crowd hung on ever near fall and teased tap out, we were sucked in, all disbelief was suspended, we were putty in their hands and they crafted us into a fine work of art. The match ended, Angle retained, and we cheered the heel, then Benoit gradually struggled to his feet (something that latter turned into somewhat of a tradition of his) and we gave the Gladiator the stand o he deserved! I was already a fan of both men, but left Boston that night with a deeper respected for the two. It was a 6+ hour drive, $200+ tickets, gas money, I got lost in Boston (my friend mapquested the directions to Fleet St. in Boston instead of the Fleet Center...freakin idiot...) but when it was all said and done, even if everything else on the show sucked (which it didn't), that one match would have made it all worth it!
Alright man, just had to drop a line, keep up the great work!
I instantly envy Mike for getting to see such a classic match live. I know that's something I would never forget either. Mike wasn't the only one who felt the Benoit/Angle match should have been placed above the HBK/Angle match. I can't disagree with them too much because Angle/Benoit was absolutely top notch stuff, but I still prefer HBK/Angle because it was the first time they ever faced each other, it was on the grandest stage of all (Wrestlemania), and they exceeded the expectations that everyone had for the match which were pretty damn high to begin with. Still, Mike makes a great point and one of the fun things about wrestling is debating over great matches and trying to figure out which one was actually better.
Billy feels that I left out an adversary of Angle that deserved to be on the list:
No angle matches with brock lesnar?!?! ...the ironman match wade keller even gave 5 stars and he's only ever rated 3-5 matches EVER 5 stars...and his match against brock at WM19 was 4 and a half stars...and you inculded about 7 matches on your column that are worse than those 2 matches....shame shame juliagoolia
Michael Weyer from Shining The Spotlight shares Billy's sentiment:
Not too bad a list for Angle but I have to ask, do you have something
against Brock Lesner? Because I don't see how you can make up a list of
the
best Angle matches and not even do a mention of either Wrestlemania 19
or
the Smackdown Iron Man match that was the MOTY for 2003. Those were two
huge
omissions I was surprised to see. Still, keep up the great work.
Billy Boy and MW make a great point here as Angle and Lesnar put on some absolutely fantastic matches, especially at WM19, Summerslam 2003 and the aforementioned Ironman match. Here's my issue with those matches, though. Personally, I couldn't enjoy the WM19 match knowing about Angle's fragile condition leading into the match. Every bump he took in that match made me grimace and pray that he didn't wind up hurting himself severely just for our entertainment. Lesnar almost breaking his freaking neck off that botched SSP didn't help matters either. I've only watched that match one time since seeing it initially and it was still painful to watch. Great match no doubt, just not too enjoyable to watch knowing the factors going into it. The Summerslam and Ironman match were also classic, but they just didn't stand out in my mind as much as the other matches did. Maybe Weyer's right and I'm still bitter about Brock leaving the E high and dry. That Fucker. Don't tell Brock I said that, he could break me with his pinky.
Andrew gives some of his thoughts on the greatness that is Kurt Angle:
Yo Yo,
Fantastic tribute I think your top 10 matches were excellent but then
again you can't go wrong with any of those choices. Deciding how to
place his top 10 matches is difficult enough I think if I were to disagree
on something it has to be positions 1) and 2), for me personally
Benoit/Angle Rumble 03' was the greatest pure one on one 'wrestling' match
ever, as good as HBK/Angle was I believe the wrestling and the finish
were superior in this match. I think also honourable mentions should go
out to the Angle/Rey fights, for me they always meshed incredibly and
their first real one on one meeting at Summerslam 2002 was one of the most
fabulous certain jerkers I've ever seen. They had 9 miniutes and I was
left amazed thinking what they could do with a further 10.
Anyway fabulous column as always and a great tribute to one of the best
ever.
God Bless Kurt Angle
Rey Rey and Kurt always had awesome matches together despite having relatively short matches. I wish I could see them go 20-25 minutes on the Wrestlemania stage because I think they could put together one of the best WM matches EVER if given that amount of time. The Top Ten with Angle was one of the easiest and hardest lists I've ever had to do because he's had so many great matches that I had a plethora to pick from, but to single them down to a Top Ten list was hard as hell because I knew I was going to leave out some great matches. I can't complain, though, it was a lot better than doing a Top Ten list on Mideon matches.
Johnny B. reminds me of a table spot from earlier this year that was hard to forget, get somehow my dumbass did:
Just out of curiousity: Did you forget about the Sabu/Mysterio table spot from One Night Stand '06? If you haven't seen it, the table was set across the top of the guardrail to the ring mat. Mysterio was standing on it, Sabu does his triple jump thing, and falls into a DDT on Mysterio!
I honestly did forget about this spot and I don't know how I did because that was some seriously sick shit. It was reminiscent of a similar spot in the RVD/Sabu Stretcher Match from years earlier, but I think this one was even sicker. Johnny was right for calling me out on that one, it was definitely top notch sick shit.
Will hits me up with some table spots that still stick out in his mind:
Whats Up Bro
Im gonna make this one short and sweet cause i have a real shitty hangover
Brian Lee Chokeslaming Tommy Dreamer off The Eagles Nest Thru 6 Tables...That was as, if not more famous then brian lee's High Incident in the scaffold Match..I will always remember that spot and always say Holy Shit after i see it...I know this spot was done Multiple times a few off the eagles nest and one from the side of the cage thru stacked tables..but the Original one was Badass! as tommy just disapears as he goes thru Table After Table After Table
And the most famous table spot's of all time...not a single table actually broke...New Jack Tossing Vic Grimes off the scaffold in XPW trying to Kill him but only managing to Break His Back and getting his receipt in the process
And the spot that lead up to this crazy shit...Jack trying to flip grimes off a shotty wooden scaffold in ECW thru a table..But grimes pulls back and lands on top of New Jacks head...Legit fucks him up for the rest of his life and crushed his head so bad Brain juice came out of his nose and ears...Both men lucky to be alive after those spots
And two of my all time favorite table spots
#1 Rhino piledrives the Sandmans wife off the apron thru a table!
#2.Mike Awesome's Top Rope Flip Out sitdown powerbomb onto Masato Tanaka Holy Fuck!!!!!!!
I know theres even more but this headache is kicking my ass..and i dont want to think real hard..Great job as usual
Brian Lee's chokeslam on Dreamer was awesome shit, especially for that time as it had been very rare to see someone go through that many damn tables. Rhino's piledriver on Sandman's wife was absolute crazy shit and proved why Rhino was one of the most maniacal, sick characters ever during his tenure in ECW. The New Jack/Grimes spot I didn't include because that was more attempted homicide than a table spot. Fucking crazy ass New Jack.
Nicholas tells me of a table spot I never even heard of and now I'm actively trying to get a copy of. If you know where I can find one, TELL ME:
Julian,
I gotta add what was for me the forst table spot I ever saw which was Randy Savage pile Driving Ricky Morton in Memphis in 1984. The Flair/Funk one was an homage to this one as it was surreal to see a spot like that in '84. After a great tag match between the R&R and Paffo bros. Randy pile drives Morton throuight the wooden table and of course Morton acts like he is dead. Insane stuff at that time and everyone in the stadium believes that something sickening and chaotic happened. No "hardcore" chants - just panic. Ah, the days of kayfabe.
I always thought the Flair/Funk incident was the first table spot of its kind, but this obviously preceded it and by FIVE YEARS to boot. I could just imagine the panic that must have gone over the crowd when seeing this because there are table spots I still see nowadays that make me worry about the well being of the wrestler and I know it's been planned. Back then, seeing something like that must have made them shit their pants because that was back in the days when most people felt that wrestling was somewhat real. The good old days before steroid trials and shoot interviews.
Jonathan gives me a correction on a mistake on my list. I'm allowed to make mistakes dammit! I'm not GOD! Or Larry Csonka:
nice list but on the honorable mention part. It was ECW Hardcore Heaven
99
when Lynn sunset powerbombed RVD through the table on the outside. At
Living
Dangerously 99 was when Lynn tried to tornado ddt RVD to the table
outside
but the table didn't break when RVD's head spiked the table.
Good catch Jon, I always get those two matches confused. It was ECW and there was a cool table spot. That could have been any PPV.
Dave takes some time from his busy college schedule to drop me a list. Give that man some applause, he could be playing beer pong or taking advantage of drunk freshman instead of hitting me up with an email:
Long time since I have replied to your columns Julian but I just started college and finally got some free time (doing 6 AS Levels AND a First Aid Course AND being on the cricket team means hardly any spare time). So here's my list:
10: Sabu Vs Terry Funk - ECW World Heavyweight Championship - Barbed Wire Match
Funk on a table. Wrapped in barbed wire. Sabu in the ring. Wrapped in barbed wire. Sabu jumps out onto Funk. Sick **** right there.
9: The Hardy Boys Vs The Dudley Boys - Royal Rumble 2000 - Table Match
This one right here was one dangerous move. Two sets of ring steps set up in the ring with a table placed on top of it. Then you Superbomb Matt straight through it to the mat. Nasty.
8: E & C Vs The Dudley Boys Vs The Hardy Boys - Triangle Ladder Match - Wrestlemania 2000
Nice sick spot here....Bubba powerbombs Matt through a table outside the ring....from the announce table!! The splat sound was just nasty.
7: Benoit & Jericho Vs E & C Vs Hardys Vs Dudleys - TLC III - Smackdown 2001
The "forgotten" TLC match and my favourite one. Christian is attempting to dive off the ladder onto Bubba, who is placed on the table. However, this gets cut off by D'Von and what we get instead is a 3D off the ladder, through the table. Great mark out moment for me there and one of my top 5 matches of all time.
6: Edge Vs Ric Flair - WWE Championship - TLC Match - Raw 2006
The spot I am choosing is not the same as yours. While the splash to the outside was good, this was much much MUCHbetter. At the end of the match, Edge looked as if he was going to regain the Title, when suddenly Flair picks up the ladder and tips Edge out of the ring. Backwards. Through a single table. That move and sound just was SICK and I legitemtely thought Edge was injured afterwards.
5: E & C Vs Hardys Vs Dudleys - TLC II - Wrestlemania 17
End of the match here. Rhino tips the ladder and there goes Bubba and Matt....falling 20 feet...to the outside.....through 4 tables....the sound just makes me cringe everytime.
4: Batista - HHH Contract Signing - Raw 2005
The moment that made Batista a babyface. I LOVE this moment...the whole thumbs down and having it cultimate in that BEAUTIFUL Powerbomb through the table....great great spot and moment.
3: Mike Awesome Vs Masato Tanaka - ECW One Night Stand 2005
Not the spot you said at the end....my favourite has to be the one earlier in the match. How Tanaka did not break his freaking neck with that powerbombs amazes me. Amazing.
2: Mick Foley Vs Edge - Hardcore Match - Wrestlemania 22
Going through a flaming table is sick enough. But being speared through it....off the apron....and through the table....is just off the freaking chart SICK. And Edge went FACE FIRST INTO IT. The man has some balls that's for sure.
1: E & C Vs Hardys Vs Dudleys - TLC I - Summerslam 2000
This is the craziest spot to ever do in this type of match. Falling backwards out of the ring from the top of a 20 foot ladder and through 2 tables is CRAZY. Considering Matt nearly landed on the god damm ring barricade and this is without a doubt the #1 table spot of all time
Great list here by Dave, I especially like the inclusion of the Sabu spot and Batista powerbombing Trips. Both were very memorable and were damn close to making my list. There's been so many table spots, it was hard to narrow it down to 10, but there are always those spots that never escape your memory and everyone's list is bound to be different.
That's all for the feedback this week peeps. Remember to keep sending in your thoughts and lists, this whole column thrives on your feedback(Jesus, I sound like the automated system for my cable company when I'm waiting 34 minutes to ask why I was charged twice for Asian Cuntfuckers 27). Keep sending in that feedback people, I always love hearing what you guys are thinking.
The Top Ten Reasons To Order Unforgiven
So Unforgiven was Sunday night and was a stellar card from top to bottom, capped off by an awesome TLC match. If for some reason you missed it and are pondering whether to order the replay, here are some reasons you should postpone buying that new penis pump and watch this instead:
10) Hardy and Nitro actually put on a pretty entertaining match and Melina's tits look on the verge of popping out her shirt at any minute.
9) Hardy Boyz reunite! Well backstage, at least. And then Lita makes fun of them for being losers. But they get the last laugh recalling the Team Xtreme gangbang of 2001.
8) Umaga actually doesn't win a match. He doesn't lose, though, so the undefeated streak is still intact. Thank God for that because we certainly can't have a Samoan wrestler actually LOSE a match.
7) The Spirit Squad win! They aren't breaking up! Please kill me!
6) Vince's face + Show's asscrack = Priceless
5) Watch Shane sell better than 90% of the roster after taking the elbow drop to his chair-wrapped neck. Seriously, it was an awesome sell job as the look in his eyes were full of fear and it seemed as if he was going to choke on his own blood at any minute.
4) Trish wins her final match in her hometown of Canada with the MOTHERFUCKING SHARPSHOOTER! Glorious!
3) Orton catching Carlito mid-air with an RKO was too awesome for words. Wellness Policy? Fuck your Wellness Policy!
2) Give some respect to Cena for taking that MAN-SIZED bump, falling backwards from the top of the ladder in the ring all the way to the table on the outside. Also give Cena some props for putting on entertaining matches. For all the shit the guy gets, he goes out there the majority of the time and puts on good great matches. Can we stop all the Cena hating please. That's sooooo 2005.
1) Give MAJOR respect to Edge for taking not one, but two insane bumps in the TLC match. Falling off a 16-foot ladder through a pile of table on the outside was sick enough, but then he came right back and took an FU from the top of the ladder through a stack of tables. Edge is easily the RAW MVP so far for 2006, the man is doing it all.
The Top Ten Gimmick Matches
When a regular match isn't enough to settle a feud, usually a gimmick match is rolled out to finally put an end to it or exacerbate the situation even more. We've seen a lot of gimmick matches rolled out in the last few decades from Bullrope matches to Ultimate X matches, from Alley fights to TLC matches, from Lumberjack matches to Hell In A Cell matches. Here's a look at some of the greatest gimmick matches the industry has ever seen.
Honorable Mention: Hardcore
A Hardcore match can fall into many different categories including a Street Fight, A Deathmatch, A Falls Count Anywhere Match, and a No Holds Barred Match. Hardcore wrestling became popularized in Japan and exploded in the States through being introduced in ECW and then expanding to the big two US companies. There have been so many memorable matches that fall under the category of Hardcore. Hardcore matches started to get overexposed and lose their luster once the WWE and WCW implemented there own respective hardcore titles and began to categorize taking shots with trashcan lids as "hardcore". Let's not confuse those with truly classic hardcore matches like the Funk/Foley Deathmatches, Tanaka/Awesome in ECW, RVD/Lynn in ECW, HHH/Cactus at Royal Rumble 2000, HHH/HBK at Summerslam '02 and even as recently as Edge/Foley at Wrestlemania 22. Hardcore matches are always brutal and usually leave a lasting impression on those that watch them.
Honorable Mention: Last Man Standing
Few things can be more brutal than beating down your opponent to the point where they can't respond to a 10 count. That's what makes the Last Man Standing match one of the most violent in wrestling's history. It also gives a match a sense of certain finality because while someone can get pinned on a fluke, you really have to get the shit beaten out of you to not respond after a count of 10. Some people criticize the match for having to slow of a pace due to the ref starting a count whenever one of the competitors is laid out, but I believe this adds to the intrigue of the match as the crowd wonders whether the wrestler will be able to get to his feet before the 10 count. This is certainly a bruising way to end a feud.
Honorable Mention: Scramble Tag Match
This is an ROH-exclusive match and if you love spot fests, you would love scramble matches. It usually consists of at least three teams that face off against each other and while only two men are supposed to be in the ring at a time, no tags are necessary so tag teams have all the freedom to be as creative as they want and do numerous tag team maneuvers. These matches usually consisted of cruiserweight-type wrestlers doing some of the most insane maneuvers you could ever hope to see. If you're a fan of technical wrestling, you probably wouldn't enjoy these matches too much but if you enjoy seeing four men simultaneously dive to the floor or four powerbombs off the top rope at the same time, this is the match for you.
10) Elimination Chamber
The Elimination Chamber is the most awe-inspiring structure ever in wrestling. The matches that take place in the monstrous structure are usually high in quality and it is usually one of the most vicious matches that the E dishes out. Seeing a man slammed on a solid steel platform or rammed face first into unflinching chain is enough to make any man cringe. They also have a cool setup with the rules of the match as it is an elimination style match and a fresh man is released after every couple of minutes. I don't like how they spoiled the surprise of the order of the competitors in the recent EC's because I felt the first couple of EC's where nobody had any idea who was going to start or end the match added even more intrigue to it. This is definitely one of the big money matches currently in the E.
9) I Quit
Nothing can be more humiliating than having to shout to your opponent that you quit and that's what makes this match so great. No proud man wants to admit that another man made them give up. Getting pinned and tapping out is one thing, but to pronounce to the whole world that you aren't man enough to continue taking the punishment dished out by your opponent is too much for a man's pride. There haven't been too many I Quit matches in history, but virtually all of them have been classic. Whether it be Magnum TA/Tully Blanchard or Flair/Funk or Austin/Hart or Rock/Mankind or JBL/Cena or as recently as Flair/Foley, all these matches leave an indelible mark on you.
8) Ultimate X
TNA redefined the industry when they introduced the X-division and then they upped the ante by putting their exciting X-division competitors in this hellacious, fast paced match. When I first heard about the concept of the match, I was skeptical as I didn't see how grown men climbing across cables to get to a title in the middle was going to be that exciting. I was glad to be proven wrong as the Ultimate X match had given me and many other fans some of the most incredible visuals ever seen in a wrestling match. Seeing people get taken off the cables in such incredible fashion was a joy to watch. The sight of AJ Styles getting kicked inside out and crashing right on his shoulders to the mat below is something that will always be stuck in my mind. There probably isn't a more unpredictable match in the industry right now than the Ultimate X match.
7) Ironman
Two men pitted against each other for a set amount of time (usually 30 or 60 minutes) and whoever scores the most pinfalls in that allotted time wins the match. Is there any better way for two pure wrestlers to settle their dispute? Wrestlers had been putting on 60-minute broadway matches where nobody would score a pinfall for a long time so the idea behind this match was to keep that same kind of epic feel but add the twist that a pinfall doesn't end the match but rather only gives you an advantage for the time being. Ironman matches had been going on in Canada for a while, mainly due to Stampede wrestling but the Wrestlemania match between Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels brought that type of match to the mainstream. Those two put on an unforgettable match and every Ironman match after that has been just as memorable because whenever two men wrestle for such a long time, you cant help but have the utmost respect for them.
6) Ladder
The Ladder match had been popular in Stampede Wrestling for some time and even made appearance in the WWE in 1993, but the Ladder Match between Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon at Wrestlemania X is usually regarded as the "first" ladder match and mainly that's because it was the first time people had really seen the ladder match. After that match was over, people fell in love with it and wanted more of it. We've seen numerous ladder matches since then and most of them usually provide us with memorable moments. The ladder match also tends to create superstars. The aforementioned HBK/Razor match, The Triple H/Rock match at Summerslam '98, The No Mercy '99 match between The Hardyz and Edge & Christian, The Benoit/Jericho match at Royal Rumble 2001, the AJ/Lynn/Low Ki match in the early days of TNA, and the Money In The Bank match at Wrestlemania 21 all elevated the men involved into the next level of superstardom. A brutal match that can be an instant star-maker.
5) TLC
From the ladder match came this match which took the brutality of the Ladder match and magnified it by 100. Ladders are dangerous enough, but when you add tables and chairs in the equation, that makes for a deadly mix. TLC matches have displayed some of the most sadistic and nasty bumps ever seen in wrestling history. You don't walk out of a TLC match unscathed. The TLC match has created so many unbelievable moments. Matt Hardy falling backwards through a stack of tables, Bubba Ray and Matt crashing through a pile of tables from the top of a 20 foot ladder, Jeff Hardy getting speared out of midair by Edge, Jeff Hardy delivering a Swanton from the top of a ladder through Bubba Dudley, Edge splashing Ric Flair from the top of a ladder through a table, Benoit misses a diving headbutt and crashing through a stack of tables, Chris Jericho falling face first from the top of ladder to the floor, Edge getting FU'd from the top of a ladder through a stack of tables. The list could go on and on. Bottom line: TLC = Insanity.
4) Cage
A Cage match used to be the ultimate way to end a feud. Nothing was more violent than a cage match. Lock two men that hate each other in a ring surrounded by steel and let them pound the hell out of each other until both were bloody and beaten. Cage matches have become mundane in today's society that's used to insane amounts of brutality, but it can still be a very effective way of putting on a great match if the right competitors and storyline is involved. Look at Flair/HHH at Taboo Tuesday '05 or Edge/Hardy at Unforgiven '05. Both matches were phenomenal and displayed exactly what kind of viciousness a cage match can dish out. There have been numerous classic cage matches and a cage match is another match that can create superstas and leave images in your head for years to come.
3) Hell In A Cell
The HIAC match took the violence of a cage match and upped the ante to an unbelievable level. At the inset, it seemed like just another cage match except there were room for the competitors to move on the outside of the ring and there was a top to it. Undertaker and HBK then went into this glorified cage and made it into one of the most feared and brutal structures in wrestling history. HIAC has become a place where destruction happens and has left us with some of the most disturbing visuals ever seen in the WWE. Mankind getting hurled off the top of the cage will probably become the most famous image ever in WWE history. The HIAC match is the ultimate way to settle a feud in the E. If you're in a HIAC match, you know you're going to bleed, you know you're going to hurt, and all you can do is try to survive it.
2) Wargames
The same way the HIAC match is the ultimate way to settle a feud in WWE, this was the epitome of a feud ender in WCW. The concept was to put two teams that consisted of about 4 or 5 men each in a cage against each other and let them beat the piss out of each other until one man was left standing. To make it even more intriguing, a man from each respective team would face off against each other at the beginning of the match with a new man coming in every couple minutes which would give one team an advantage for a short time until the next man came out. The successful way to book this match would be to ALWAYS have the face team at a disadvantage until the most popular wrestler on the face team came out at the end to make the save and help his team make a comeback. This formula was usually followed and it always had fans eating out of its hands. This match usually contained non-stop action, great wrestling, and intense drama…..Everything a match needs to be a classic.
1) The Royal Rumble
The Royal Rumble came about in the late 80's as an extension of the Battle Royal match with the news rules being that instead of all the men being in the ring at the same time, it would start off with two men with a new man coming in every two minutes. Who knew that such an easy change to a match would make it one of the most loved and anticipated matches ever. If you're a wrestling fan and don't look forward to The Royal Rumble match, you don't have a pulse. The Royal Rumble signifies the beginning of the road to Wrestlemania as the winner of the match goes on to main event on the biggest stage of them all. So let's see, you've got 30 superstars, an elimination stipulation, lots of drama, lots of surprises, a sense of the unknown, and a main event slot at Wrestlemania all in one match. If that's not the greatest gimmick match ever, I don't know what is.
Ya Know It's Hard Out Here For A PIMP
Bayani talks racism and wrestling in the latest Truth B Told. Racism in wrestling? The hell you say! I thought that all black people like Cryme Tyme, all Cubans smoke cigars and talk with overexaggerated accents like Armando, all Irish people have Leprechauns following them to do their evil bidding like Finlay, and Vince McMahon goes around calling everyone his "nigga". Of course all of those things aren't actually true. Except for Vince. Blame it on the rap music.
Clark continues his report card on the Big Show in the latest Shimmy. Hey, he actually had some good matches. Big Show = Greatest Big Man EVER! If you're not counting Vader. Or Undertaker. Or Hogan. Or Andre. Or Kane. Or Kamala. Or IRS. Or Yokozuna. Or Kevin Nash. Or Mabel. Or Giant Gonzalez. Or…..
The Triple Threat Boys are all together again and this time they discuss X-pac's possible WWE return, how Raw and ECW fared at the Garden(I was there live baby!), Rock's unlikely return to the ring, and Randy & Balls being punished under the revised WELLNESS rules. Randy and Balls should tag together. Call themselves Randy Balls. HeHeHeHeHe Randy Balls. I make myself chuckle.
Sat & Rajah go High Road/Low Road on Flair. If any of you fuckers go low road on Flair, there's going to be TROUBLE! Right, Mr. T?
Right.
Weyer Shines The Spotlight on King Booker's career and shows how the Bookman was able to become a success despite having some of the worst breaks and gimmicks ever. I'm sorry, but this King Booker gimmick is the greatest gimmick since The Undertaker. The robe, the crown, the septer, the phony accent. Booker has it down to a T. No Pun intended. Right, Mr. T?
Right.
Read Cook. Or your firstborn son will have a small dick. I'm talking about naked in 20 degree weather while watching Roseanne and Rosie O'Donnell have butch lesbian sex small.
You guys seemed to enjoy the lady pics I put up a couple weeks ago so here's a few more for you just ‘cuz I love you guys so much. And it gives me a reason to look up hot pics of chicks without getting yelled at by my ladyfriend. It's for work baby, FOR WORK!
And here's a picture salute to our favorite retired Canadian, Trish Stratus.
We will miss you Miss Stratus.
The Sign-Off
That's it for this week folks, hope you enjoyed it. Join me next week when the topic will be The Top Ten Female Wrestlers of all time. Hey chicks can fight. Don't believe me? Go tell a girl she's fat while she has her period. Then immediately run for cover motherfucker!
