Truth B Told 9.21.06: Gimmick Match Game
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 09.21.2006
A *Blank*, Ladders, and Chairs match …a *BLANK*, Ladders and Chairs match.
Imagine my surprise when I was surfing 411 as I usually do, and I came across another column, a certain column which regularly features a list of certain things which are ranked from 1 to , some arbitrary number between 9 and 11, and low and behold that column is discussing the same thing I am this week. Well it's too damn late to change now since a ) I already got half this column written, 2 ) this isn't so much a ‘copycat' of that column, but rather a ‘companion piece' and III ) I now have a little seniority over a half dozen of these newbies anyways, so what's he gonna do?
You know, with the Hell In the Cell and TLC matches last weekend and the "Fans Revenge" and Tag Team Ultimate X matches coming up there seems to be a lot of gimmick matches lately. I actually like gimmick matches for the most part…wait, let me take that back. I like SOME gimmick matches. Ultimate X? Big thumbs up. Punjabi Prison match? Big thumb up…your ass. TLC? Always a crowd please. Paddle on a pole match? Mainly a cock teaser. *You like what I did there? With the play on words and such…pay attention, that kinda stuff comes up from time to time on TBT* It just seems like too often gimmick matches are a way to circumvent real wrestle matches, rather than giving a wrestlers a way to culminate and blow off feuds.
While there is nothing wrong with having a well placed gimmick match on a PPV or the occasional free television, having an entire PPV of gimmick matches, ala Lockdown, can seem a bit excessive. Especially when you end up with a diva gimmick match a PPV, taking away time that the mid or lower carders need. There are a bevy of gimmick matches that usually provide a good bang for the buck: TLC, Hell in the Cell, Cage matches, battle royals, Ultimate X, World Cup X Gauntlet, King of the Mountain, Monster's ball, Tag Scramble matches, etc. the problem is that there are too many gimmick matches which are just rehashed of the same gimmick match. Does anyone think that the "Kennel from Hell Match" is that much different than your average HitC match? Mud matches have taken place, but is a "Gravy Bowl" that much more intense? How about a Casket match vs an Ambulance match? You know, I applaud TNA for coming up with new and innovative matches such as the "Hangman's Horror" match, Ultimate X, and now… "The Worst Idea to ever hit possible fan litigation"…I mean, "Fan's Revenge Match". But I think TNA still has some room to work with.
TBT is proud to present some NEW gimmick matches that are ripe for the pickings. A few that will amaze and astound you, and a few… that will probably be stolen from this column in the next few weeks. Well, enjoy:
No Sell in the Cell Match
The first ever match is signed after Hulk Hogan makes his triumphant return to RAW in order to promote his daughter's new line of perfume "Overshadowed". Hulk comes back and immediately gets into a feud with Vince McMahon in order to assure himself plenty of face time. Vince then unleashes the ultimate weapon, a "No Sell in the Cell" match where Hogan will face 5 different men he's no sold and jobbed out over the years. Randy Orton, HBK, Undertaker, and a surprise return by Mohammed Hassan. During the course of the match each man hits their finishers on Hulk Hogan, but he just won't stay down. That is until the unthinkable happens and ‘Macho Man' Randy Savage makes his way down to the ring. But instead of bringing Elizabeth with him…because she's dead of course, and if he did drag her out, that would just be disturbing…'Macho Man' has a torch and a bottle of whiskey. Savage takes a swig and blows a fireball at Hulk Hogan's….hip. This causes Hogan to fall to the ground and roll over the flame to put it out, it also melts his plastic hip and renders him unable to bend it. Savage hits the big elbow off the top rope and Hogan finally tastes defeat. Which tastes kind of like a McRib. It does.
Contract on a "Pole" Match
After being a victim of the "Wellness Program Crackdown" Chris Masters has lot even more muscle mass to the point that he has been stripped of the "Masterpiece" gimmick and name. Now going by his real name, Chris Mordetsky, he is still mired in the mid-card, but has recently won the IC title off of Randy Orton after Orton was ‘suspended' for shitting in Maria's purse… while she was wearing it. Because the ‘Six Pack Challenge' was so popular Coach decides to have a similar match made for the next PPV, a "Contract on a ‘Pole' Match" where by the winner gets a match for the IC title. Mordetsky is confident that he'll be able to win and prevent any possible contenders from getting a shot until he hears the stipulations. Coach explains that somewhere on Mordetsky's body will be a signed contract and he will be thoroughly greased up and released into the arena. After a 2 minute head start 5 competitors will be released and the first man to find and extract the contract will be declared #1 contender. In a surprise turn of events Trevor Murdoch wins the match after his experience with catching greased pigs come into play. Murdoch traps Mordestsky in an empty closet and squealing can be heard for several minutes before Murdoch emerges with the contract and a smile.
Hair vs Hairy Match
Kip James faces off against Maverick Matt Bentley with the ULTIMATE consequence on the line. If Kip James loses the match he will never again have control over his own hair style again. No longer will he prance around in pigtails and semi corn rows, but he'll be at the mercy of actual hair stylists. If Kip WINS, however, Bentley's off and on valet, Traci Brooks, will not be allowed to shave or wax any of her body hair for the rest of her tenure in TNA. If Bentley hopes to pull off an upset, he'll have to win it by the hair on Traci's chin.
Diva First Blood Match
Ric Flair and Randy Orton have battled in the past, but Flair has a match in mind that will take young Orton to the very limit. Ric Flair decided against a submission match even though it would play nicely into his hands. He decides instead to unleash a match that he has perfected for YEARS. The ultimate XXXtreme rules match, the first ever "Diva First Blood Match". In this contest Flair and Orton will have to find a WWE diva who is still a virgin and deflower her. RAW, Smackdown, OVW, Deep South, it doesn't matter, the match ends only when "first blood" is spotted by a referee. In a total upset, young Randall manages to locate a diva that has been newly signed out of French Canada and surprises her with his signature "Finishing Move", the "Hyman Cutter". Oh yes, he showed her his RK Oh...Oh Ooooh Face.
10 Thumbtack Match
TNA, having blown their budget on tacks over the years has decided to create a match that would have all the horror and goriness of a regular Thumbtack match, but more cost effective. Thus is born the "10 Thumbtack Match", Abyss and Brother Runt settle their differences once and for all in this epic match. 10 tacks are scattered around the ring as the winner of the match has to not only find the tacks but put his opponent through at least 6 of them before they pin them. The matches lasts 2 hours before it is ruled a no contest, apparently referee Rudy Charles accidentally steps on 4 of them and doesn't realize it until he gets back to the locker room.
Ultimate TLC Match
The Hardy Boyz reunite as they take on a likewise reunited MNM in the Hardy Boyz specialty. Only this time MNM has a little stipulation for them. Not only is it Tables, Ladders, and Chairs, but any words that start with a T, L, or C. Tacos, Lesbians, Canadian Bacon, it's all legal. The end of the match sees Jeff Hardy climb a 15 foot high stack of Lincoln Continentals and crashing on top of Joey Mercury who is lying prone on a folded up Tube Top.
Russian Nesting Doll Match
Upon Eric Bischoff's reinstatement as RAW's General Manager he comes up with an even more innovative concept than the ‘Elimination Chamber'. The ‘Russian Nesting Doll Match' start in a Hell in the Cell sized cage with 6 participants, after the first elimination the participants move into a smaller cage....then a smaller cage....then a...well you get the idea. The idea ended tragically when Shelton Benjamin and Viscera were stuck in the last cage, unable to move enough to even pin each other. The tribute show for Shelton on RAW the following even was said to be very touching.
68.5% Falls Match
2 out of 3 falls matches have gone the way of the dinosaur. Now the WWE has decided to combine the intrigue of a ‘Best of 7' series with the brutality of an "Iron man Match". The 68.5% falls match, where the winner of the match is the wrestler who has won at least 68.5% of the total falls. The match has promise until the 47th fall. Clearly letting Chris Masters and Eugene calculate their own match rates was a very poor decision. Letting special guest referee, Maria, then take a crack at it was even worse.
Exploding Scorpion pit tilled with tacks, Electrified 100 Light Tube, Taipei Barbed Wire Lumberjack Strap Death Match
After all the hype, expectations, and frenzied build up... it ended up just being the first ever male "Gravy Boat" match in the WWE. Conway defeated Lance Cade. Proving once again that the Con Man's Gravy can't be beat.
The Truth
There will never be a shortage of new and innovative matches, that's what makes wrestling so great. You have companies like RoH and TNA coming up with new concepts every day. Even the WWE hit on some big ones in their day, the Elimination Chamber being their last really good idea. To me there is nothing funnier than a match debuting and a commentator telling the audience that it's a certain competitor's "Signature Match". Because clearly the Great Khali has an incredible record in previous Punjabi Prison matches. Or Torrie Wilson owns all in the "Paddle a Whore Match"...I mean, paddle on a pole match. My bad. I'm still thinkin' about whether Brooke Hogan would follow in her dad's foot steps and no-sell the ‘Hyman Cutter'. And that's a SHOOT brother!!
Coming Up Short
*Gets up on Soap Box*
We'll make this short and sweet. I'm not offended by the Jimmy Wang Yang "Gimmick". We all know most wrestlers need ‘gimmicks'. I AM however, offended by the use of the words "Boat Person", "Oriental", and "FOB" when used as a derogatory slur. You can't argue that those are racist slurs meant to demean Asians. It's unnecessary to getting over the character. Maybe I'm "reading too much into this", but I doubt it. Deep down this is just KerWang White. Or…Kerwin Yellow, if you will. Now as a wrestling fan we're pretty much desensitized to most social issues regarding race, sexism, or violence. But your average person isn't, so for a ‘casual viewer' or regular person watching this kind of thing they
>would have ever right to be offended. The same as if Elijah Burke had debuted on Smackdown and told us that ‘darkies', ‘negros', and ‘jungle bunnies' replace the "er" in words with an "a". "Sports Entertainment" or not, I'm offended by the language, not the gimmick. Cuz' the gimmick is straight retarded, it's a cartoonish characticutre of who James Yun *yeah, real name* actually is. I'm not sure he has the same gay mustache, leather chaps, and leather vest in real life, but who knows? It's funny that sometimes we take a stance in life that, "If I'M not offended by something, then you shouldn't be either". That's not true, it's a matter of person feeling, experience. Trust me, someone calling you a ‘Boat Person' when you're 14 or "fuckin' Chink" at 12 sometimes colors your views on things. Either way, if you think a gimmick where a "China man thinks he's a redneck" is just hilarious, then that's your prerogative, you'd be wrong of course…but that's your prerogative to be wrong. Look…I'm the first one to tout that if something is FUNNY it ain't racist. Hell, look at my whole damn column. But this just ain't funny. So no, if you think the Wang Yang promos are funny then you aren't necessarily a racist. You just have bad taste. Period. But hell, maybe a Korean dude w/ BBQ sauce all over their face is just what we've come to in the world of "entertainment". Some people will say it's funny, but you know…TBT knows funny, and this…this ain't funny. It's just coming up short….of any self respect.
*Steps off Soap Box*
6 Degrees of…
Rich can't let the dead rest.
I've thought long and hard about it and think I have a 6 degrees that shouldn't be too difficult but I like it since it involves one of my all time favorite wrestlers/angles ever The Midnight Rider. Sure he was only with us for a short time, but his cow bell, mask and camp fire promos were the stuff of legends. Speaking of being with us a short time that brings me to the second part of this game Steve "the Croc Hunter" Irwin. Yes it was a sad day when the news came out that he died however I do think that more then a few people were sad that his death had nothing to do with those 12 foot Crocs he liked to piss off.
Keep up the good work and hopefully the Dog house has AC.
Am I the only one turned on by that picture? Maybe. But I doubt it. Hmmm, well this shouldn't be too hard right? At least we haven't had week's 6DO go on done have we? Maybe next week. Maybe not. Either way, go get your hands around this beast and get to working on it. I mean the 6DO, not when you scroll past this to get to the hot Asian chicks.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Wow, I can feel the lover, looks like some readers had alot on their minds.
Hey B-
This is Justin PELLETIER of the sports zone, so to answer your question there are Frogs on the 411 staff. But just because we can't get laid DOES NOT make us gay. I'm thinking of going the Meehan route and using straight edge as my excuse.
Anyway keep up the awesome work. You never fail to make me laugh.
Justin
Thanks to Justin I realized what that meant when Edge referred to Montreal on RAW. While it's great to use the sXe excuse as a reason for not getting laid, last time I checked CM Punk was gettin' more ‘Tang than an astronaut...with a Porsche'...and a case of "Axe" body spray. Oh well I'm still waiting for Meehan to cut his first promo on the alcoholics of the 411 staff. "I'm straight edge, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, my addiction...is positivity. And that means I'm better than you". Yeah, that's MeeThuganomics for y'all.
This next e-mail from Pitufo Colorado had me kinda confused. I'm chalkin' this up to some language barrier or something:
Yo Bayani:
what up kid!!!!
Yo, you're last article on racism in wrestling was thought provoking...it made me think, kid. I really don't like to think but I rather you post more pics of them fine asian bitches!!!
As always, Bayani, you da man, son!!!!
Bayani, keep it gangsta, kid!!! Holla!
P.S.
yo, you know where I can get naked pics of Vida Guerra and Crissy Moran??? help a brotha out, son.
Love you Bayani!!!!
Oh man, see this is how this stuff gets started. TBT is all about, 95% nudity, not the whole ball of wax...ed muff. Now 411 is a family website so I can't just go around linking you to straight up porn. Hell no, I mean, if you really wanted to see that kinda stuff you should just go to some kinda website like...I dunno, starcelebs.com and look it up for yourself. But I REFUSE to show people where to find free naked pics of Vida Guerra on the internet naked....at starcelebs.com. And shoot, if you got Google you can find Crissy no prob. She's a damn porn star for Jebus' sake.
Oh man, what have I done? Well I guess it's true that you should be careful for what you ask for:
As an Englishman I feel qualified to enlighten you with all our amusing stereotypes for Scots
1. They are very tight with money
2. Much like the Irish, they're always drunk off their ass (on Whisky though, not Whiskey)
3. That is except for the ones smashed out of their heads on heroin
4. Everything they eat is deep fired in batter, including (and this is not a joke) Mars Bars, Pizzas and Ice Cream
5. They never eat anything healthy at all
6. There is Haggis of course (the heart, lungs and liver of a sheep boiled in its own stomach)
7. They love football (soccer) but are shit at it.
8. Much as they are at all other sports.
9. Which is hardly suprising when you consider that they are all either junkies, piss-heads, obese or malnourished (or sometimes all 4)
10. Kilts, tartan hats, women called Morag, they're all ginger. Oh and again like the Irish will fight at the drop of a hat.
Also if you ever meet a Scotsman make a point of calling them Scotch (as opposed to Scottish). They REALLY hate that.
Spread the love
Peace
Gareth
So let me get this straight, basically ‘scots' are just like Irishmen. But cheaper. Hmmm...fascinating. Well shite...I wonder if they call porn in Scotland, "Scotch Tapes"?
Okay, maybe its just me but the TBT foreign audience is growing by leaps and...steps. Yet again I wish I had some kinda interpreter, but I'm damn glad for the feedback:
man just read your fucking article about the e and racism, almost
pissed my pants like half of the time! you got fucking skills in wrighting hehe. be sure to have guy #19 to now always read your colums ;) fucked
greets from vienna, austria yourschristoph
Um...I think this was a compliment right? Well Christoph, I'm glad to induce urination from my fans in Austria anytime. As we always say here at TBT: Its better to be pissed off than pissed on...unless you get down like that...and if you do...go to www.asianpeeparty.com.
Last but not least...in terms of content so without further ado...:
"Do you think that the WWE would ever create a Latino tag team known as the "Border Hoppers"? "
Absolutely. While I've never seen the SAT, based on what I vaguely remember reading about them back when they were in TNA (they were in TNA at one point, right?), they were hispanic, and high flyers. Lets hope Brian doesn't read your column, because I think you might have just doomed the SAT.
"So far "One Man Gang" and Cena have been their other real attempts at Gang members and they have come up a bit short in my opinion. "
I cant believe you forgot about the best gang of all time - the Samoan Gangstas!!! What stereotype was that sending out? I thought all samoans are big, fun loving guys with hard heads?
Did you ever watch "Method and Red"? It was a bad comedy on fox. thats what cryme tyme reminds me of. These guys could be the next coming of los guerreros. I'm assuming WWE wants them to be heels, but so far, they're just too funny.
"I will say though that it's a bit too early to pass judgment on this angle. In fact, this could really just end up being the Black version of Los Guerreros "without the work rate" and mullets. "
Oh....glad we agree.
"I think it all depends on whether these guys come in as ˜faces' or ˜heels'. My preference would be as ˜faces' only because this could be a fairly hilarious gimmick if not done too seriously. "
Maybe I'll read the rest of the column before responding next time....
"The thing is that if they really want to be a ˜face' team, they should immediately beat the crap out of Cena for being a poser. "
I'm thinking the exact opposite, although I see where you're coming from. I think to further the hilarity of their characters, being all buddy-buddy with cena would be great, and show just how un-thuggy they are.
Remember the days when wrestlers could be characters, and not just a heel or just a face? I wouldnt mind seeing this team toughen up a bit, get less comical, and be tweeners, beating up cena to a crowd pop, beating up carlito, women, whoever.
"Oh lord, the inevitable Cade/Murdoch vs Cryme Tyme feud could be delicious...ly RACIST!! "
This is assuming either team stays on raw longer than a couple weeks (feuding on Heat doesn't count).
Just think, if not for ECW, talents such as vito and tatanka would still be relegated to velocity.
"I think the best angle would be to have Finlay and Tatanka hook up as a tag team. Their one true bond? Fire water...as the Irish call it. Or ‘Whiskey' to the old Native Americans. "
I'm still waiting for Tatanka to get fed up with the ref's "costing" him matches, so he takes a hiatus, and returns as the Million Dollar Indian, proud owner of a successful casino.
what? you know they've thought about it.
Jimmy Wang Yang....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I've just gotten to the point where I can't complain anymore about the retarded shit they give us, because I know it will do no good, so I laugh to keep myself from crying, but....HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Its ridiculous! Which brings up an important question - should WWE be giving us so many retarded/ridiculous gimmicks? We've got: King Booker, the boogeyman, the little bastard, the miz (Too Cool v 2.0, team him with scotty!), Simon Dean, Vito, Cryme Tyme, the Spirit Squad, Jimmy Wang Yang, Eugene, Hacksaw Jim Duggan (he's officially on the raw superstars page now), the highlanders....every one of those gimmicks are so retarded, they're funny (quite literally in the case of eugene and hacksaw). Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favor of funny retarded gimmicks, but that seems like a bit much. I think I would almost rather Jimmy Wang Yang come out in face paint ala muta and show off his skills than see him as a redneck. Make cryme tyme into thugs, ala new jack. make the highlanders brutal, like the old sheepherders. fire duggan, shave eugene's head, and team him up with conway, like they did in ovw. get rid of king booker's crown and let him be booker T, the last WCW champion (although, some might say steiner was the real last champ, since when book won it on the final nitro, WCW was under Vince's control), who was OVER.
"Batista will be making a cameo on Smallville as a sort of cross promotion for CW and WWE. Makes perfect sense to me, if anyone could come from a city called Metro-polis, it's Batista. "
At least its better than putting Smallville stars on wrestling. Dont get me wrong, im a fan of both, but what exactly is Tom Welling going to do on SD? Especially now that the diva search is done. And they already killed off John Schneider's character, otherwise he would've made a great manager for Jimmy Wang Yang :)
Manu
I kinda dig the whole "thuggishness" of Cryme Tyme. Mainly because they haven't shown them in a vignette for "Diet" where they're eating fried chicken and watermelon while smokin' menthol cigarettes. Seriously, someone has to explain that shit to me...none of my Black friends can. Menthol?? I'm thinkin' it's only a matter of time before Rodney Mack starts managing those guys because...um...he's black. Yeah, I remember when ‘face' and ‘heel' wasn't a prerequisite, but even here at 411 we're pretty much assigned affiliations from the start. Andy Clark is STILL complaining about me exposing that turnbuckle during Rant Wars II and rolling him up with my feet on the ropes. You know, I seriously had a discussion about the possibility of the "Million Wampum Man" Tatanka. But figured that they wouldn't dare go that far. Although something tells me he'd rule during RAW Roulette.
Right now, nothing the "e" does surprises me anymore. I'm still waiting for them to debut their first schizophrenic wrestler who would form his own Stable by himself. He would be the perfect champ too because he could wrestle as a heel or a face...or a woman....or a rabbit. Or maybe a gay straight edge French Canadian....oi!!
6 Degrees Results
Good job this week as we ended up with some good attempts and nothing left over...so I guess that would mean Honorable Mention would go to....ME.
Honorable Mention
1. Sean O'Haire used the "Seanton Bomb" as a finisher, as did Jeff Hardy, also known as the ‘tweaker-ton bomb'.
2. Jeff Hardy masturbates while dropping "E" and listening to old Stone Temple Pilots CD's.
3. The "E" dropped Hardy after he was refused to get drug treatment, like Kurt Angle.
4. Kurt Angle had a totally boss little red cowboy hat in one of my favorite skits w/ Vince McMahon.
5. Vince McMahon probably IS the father of Stephanie's child.
6. Dr. Phil would disapprove of that.
#3
After a few weeks off, I'll take another try at this.
1) In the early days as the "Devil's Advocate" character, Sean O'Haire convinced Brian Kendrick, then trying to get a job, that the best way to get attention would be if he streaked through the arena.
2) A few months later, with the help of one of the Hebners, Brian Kendrick schooled John Cena in a rap battle.
3) John Cena was knocked out of action, in storyline terms, when he was stabbed in the kidney by Jesus Aguilera.
4) Jesus Aguilera made his debut as the bodyguard for Carlito Caribbean Cool.
5) In January 2006, Carlito made an appearance on Sportscenter when Shaquille O'Neal dropped him with a chair shot in the arena in Miami.
6) Shaquille O'Neal co-starred with Dr. Phil in Scary Movie 4, where Dr. Phil chopped off his own foot.
Ryan gleason
Oh man, I think you would have done much better if you had actually identified the ‘Hebner' in question as Brian. I just can't see Earl, bustin' a move on Smackdown. A hip maybe, but not a move.
#2
B--
Nothing witty this week, I just try and up the porn quotent a little bit this week.
1) Dr. Phil's son, Jay McGraw, is married to one of the famous Playboy Dahm triplets, Erica...
2) The Dahmn triplets were the Playmates in the December '98 issue of Playboy. Another famous Playmate was Playmate of the Year for 2004 Carmella DeCesare...
3) DeCasare also competed in the inagural RAW Diva Search, eventually losing to Christy Hemme, who was not only the April 2005 Playboy cover girl, but also refrerred to Carmella as a "cum guzzling gutter slut"...
4) Hemme and Stacy Keibler were traded from RAW in the fall of 2005 to SmackDown!, in exchange for Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson...
5) Wilson and Dawn Marie had an epic 2002-2003 fued over Torrie's dad Al...
6) Dawn Marie was convinced by Sean O'Haire to flash the crowd on a 2003 SmackDown broadcast during O'Haire's short-lived "Devil's Advocate" gimmick...
Mark Satrang
DAMN, I remember Carmella being such a hot piece of ass. Why is it all the hot Playboy Playmates with outrageously racktacular snack trays always end up with pseudo-gay ex-49ers quarterbacks with abnormally large and bulbous heads? I mean seriously...like every single time.
#1.
At number one, or in Australian, Number One... 411's own Matt Sforcina complains that it was a little hard to tell eye color from that little picture last week. Look man, if a chick is at least willing to flash you her pretty lil' ‘brown eye', who the hell cares?
Still, thank you for the weekly pics.
Anyway, O'Haire to Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil is a well known dead ringer for Jeffrey Tambor.
Jeffrey Tambor was in How The Grinch Stole Christmas! along with tiny
actor Verne Troyer.
Verne Troyer was in the 4th Season of the Surreal Life, along with
Joanie Laurer.
Joanie, going by the name of Chyna, won her first IC title off Jeff
Jarrett.
Jeff Jarrett has teamed/fueded/teamed/fueded and assoisated with Kevin
Nash at various points (in the last WCW version of the nWo, for
instance).
And Kevin Nash's last WCW Tag Team Title Reign (along with DDP) ended
at the hands of Chuck Palumbo and...Sean O'Haire.
I can't remember if Sforcina ever won this before, but he's dead on about Jeffrey Tambor, no denying it. Go ahead, try. Seriously, someone from *fill in a random European Country* go ahead and try it. A ‘scotch' perhaps? Well, the man-beast known as the muscle of team "Sforclarkna" aka the Fink's Payload (still sounds like a really bad porno title kids), gets his shot next week to pick ONE celebrity, or pseudo celeb for 6DO. If Sforcina picks himself, so help me I'll link him to Scott Keith...somehow.
Left Overs…
Kurt Angle in MMA? Brock Lesner or Daniel Puder are possible fights in the future. Perhaps fighting Ken Shamrock over the master of the Ankle lock, or Tito Ortiz in a TNA vs WWE type fight. The sky is literally the limit for pro wrestler entering middle age looking to enter the world of shoot fighting. And so are his health insurance options.
No truth to the rumors yet that Kurt Angle will be playing the body double for Mr. Burns in the live action "Simpsons" movie.
Ric Flair was an easy bet to beat Johnny on RAW. Why Ric Flair has beaten more cheerleaders in his day than....most court records would allow to be viewed by the public.
Hulk Hogan was reportedly furious at Dave Meltzer for releasing the sales figures for Brooke's album which weren't very impressive. I don't see how Hulk could be so mad, i mean, the Hogan family has a history of ‘not selling'.
Shelton Benjamin finally plays the race card. I don't know what took him so long considering how many times he had to wrestle Viscera in "Dark Matches"...uh...hello...
CM Punk vs Booker T could be an interesting match in the future. Although a Tag Team might serve for a more interesting move. I could just picture it now y'all, CM-T. Yeeee HAW!!
Maria and Candice making out on the Kiss Cam? Wow, you can't get action like that on any channel but USA... or Showtime, or HBO, or Cinemax, or Playboy channel or...
Congratulations to Johnny Nitro for retaining his title, and too bad that Lance Cade lost the "Six Pack Challenge"....no he wasn't in the match...but my GOD have you seen that gut? You know its bad when people are calling you 'FAT Bradshaw'.
CM Punk has officially made Shannon Moore his bitch. Meaning Maria has no been relegated to just tickling Punk's balls while he's totally fucking Moore.
"Hey you got bloody face in my giant sweaty ass", "Well you got giant sweaty ass in my bloody face". Ya see, this is why Reese's peanut buttercups was such a fluke success?
The Kings of Wrestling are now the Kings of RoH. Which just goes to show, every invading faction will win a tag title at some point. Jimmy Rave and Sal Rinauro are mapquesting SHIMMER's next show as you read this.
Colt Cabana was recently caught giving Lacy the old "Coppa Banana" in the RoH shower room. Jimmy Jacobs couldn't be reached for comment, only stopping long enough to be overheard saying, "Okay Matt, but what do I do AFTER I blog it".
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Camera?? What? No....uh...just keep your eyes closed though for....3...2....1....
Prince Nana gone from RoH but not forgotten. Whether it was the young fat Nana or the older trim Nana, TBT appreciated Nana, no matter how bad Nana stunk at times. Nana was always there to put a smile on my face and just had this way of wrapping you in this warm sense of security. We here at TBT salute you Nana and hope that many great things come your way and hope you are open to receiving those things.
Balls Mahoney and Randy Orton fail wellness program as the WWE has gone to a "pro bono" system of punishment. The WWE feels this is a great way to cut off the resources for these guys to get the drugs they've been ‘abusing'. Unless they happen to visit a high school party anytime in the near future.
Christy Hemme has a hernia, probably the extra weight of her forehead.
*NEW FLASH* The WWE has just released The Boogeyman. News of this hit fast and furiously as everyone was caught off guard. The hard thing has to be for The Boogeyman to find a way to get back on his feet and find another job. Basically Boogeyman was an idiotic and silly character. He was highly taunted before he started, only to disappoint time and time again and show he had no real talent or ability when it came time to get down to business. His only real power came from intimidating his opponents using fear and confusion. He was laughable and would never be taken seriously by anyone...anywhere, I mean, where the HELL are you gonna find another job like that?
Pimpin' In High Places
I guess I'm the only one speaking out about the social injustices in wrestling. Is it because I am hypersensitive? Is it because I'm the only one at 411 willing to let the Truth B Told? Is it because no one else has the testicular fortitude to see how the desensitizing of racial inequalities are having a long term effect on today's youth?? Actually it's cuz' I know my readers don't usually do much more than skip down to their ‘6 Degrees' entries and the Hot Asian Bitch o' da Week. But hell, check these guys out anyways:
Csonka tells you how to be the man. Surprisingly it had nothing to do with a 'Dirty Sanchez' on spring break your Sophmore year of college...even though that chick was waaaaay too drunk to remember that. High Five!! Anyone? Anyone??...fine.
MeeHandling His Business looks at WWE dolls....er...action figures. Regardless, I hear he still had 'tea parties' with them during his childhood. "More Tea and biscuits Bushwhacker Luke?"
Jules beat me to the punch this week. Bravo Jules...Bravo. Now don't ever let that happen again... you Irish Bastard. What? Lashley made that sound so cool.
O'Doggy Dooooogtalks about being Good or Lucky. Trust me, no one ever brags about "Gettin' Good" last weekend by the water cooler on Monday morning.
Rajah is Dead or at least missing from HR/LR, evidence points to Uncle Trux.
Nothing witty to go out on this week as it is 1 AM and I have about 4.5 hours of sleep to look forward to before a long day. Oh well, such is the price you pay to be an IWC...God. Sorry, I must be dyslexic...well time to sign off folks, and just remember tune in every week, cuz' this is TBT and I'm yer' boy...Yeeee...Fuck. *By the way, those of you who actually clicked on asianpeeparty seriously have a problem...seek help....soon*
