WRestling’s 3R’s 09.22.06: RetRo Unbreakable, Shelton is Black, Jarrett Dresses Horribly, Double Raw, The Miz is Right, Extreme Boobs and MORE!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 09.22.2006
The R’s are turned upside down this week as JT returns to help with Raw, Geoff does his ECW magic, Clark appears while I cook his girl dinner and finally…the Marsico…has come back…to the 3R’s~!
The 3R's of wRestling!
Introducción~!
Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling's 3R's! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks. First off thanks to the crew that filled in and got things done last week, JT may be an over positive little homo, but he's good people. Also, how uncreative are you that you couldn't write a new intro from the one I sent? Or are you lazy? Jesus. Well once again we have a shake up due to cable issues and the death of my father, so I needed some fill in crew. This week Geoff covers ECW again (never fear, he is back to Smackdown next week thanks to the CW), JT hops on to do Raw again as well (damn cable issues here) and the long awaited return of the original 3R's protégé…Nick Marsico to cover Smackdown and Impact~! Also since there was some miscommunication in the SUPER SECRET STAFF FORUM, Raw gets the double dip this week as Andy Clark hops into the column with his thoughts on Raw! While he is doing that, I'll be whispering sweet nothings into Dani's ear…and maybe more. BOOMSHAKALAKA~! I have the RetRo Unbreakable R's in here as well, making this not only a star studded, but also a jam-packed edition of the 3R's! I command you to enjoy!
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in 3 categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th and even 5th R to the column, so beware of those~!
iMpact!: By: Nick Marsico
iMpact 09.14.06:
The Right:
Hot opening tag - Finally a tag team match on Impact not for the tag titles that isn't a throw away. The match got a decent amount of time, which was good, and it kept the #1 contenders looking strong without hurting the good tag tandem of Bentley and Kazarian. I wish they would just call him Matt Bentley instead of Maverick Matt, though. Maverick Matt Bentley is fine, but just Maverick Matt is silly. Also, the BME/Frog Splash is easily the best tag team move on television today, and in competition for being the best tag move going right now. They are DEAD ON when hitting it. I wish the TNA crowd would get with the times and chant "BEST! MOONSAULT! EVER!" one word with each of the 3 jumps like the ROH crowd does. That would be awesome.
Rhino & Christian, long time friends - This was quite a good video package they put together (no surprise here, really) in order to save time on having the guys show up live and to give us some more insight into their past friendship and why this feud is meaningful. Plus, old school googly-eyed Edge footage REEKS OF AWESOMENESS~!
puRgatory:
Nothing, really. I care at least a little bit about everything that went on, even if it's that I'm annoyed by it and don't want to care.
The wRong:
Ruining a really good finish - The show could have ended great with a fantastic visual if they would have cut it off after Joe finished speaking and they faded out with him standing in the ring with all of the fans surrounding it, cheering and pounding the mat, but they had to go ahead and do the goofy "Jarrett beats up a fan" crap that's not only silly, but that he's done before. Not that it's bad as far as the build to the match goes, as not only is he a shitty champion, but the fans also have personally been physically assaulted by him (well, plants, but you know), so at least that fits. Still, though, Jarrett beating that woman (one of Dory Funk, Jr.'s students) and warding off the other fans with the strap was goofy and campy looking. The fact that they had to end the show with a promo was bad enough, but the fact that they ended the show by doing something silly after a strong promo really put it over the top.
The Ridiculous:
Jeff Jarrett's clothing - Now normally I don't bother to comment on what he wears (white pants, orange pants and whatnot), but holy hell, the dude was dressed like a friggin' child on Thursday. What the shit is up with that?
Hangman's Horror finish - The match was a decent brawl between Abyss and Raven (certainly better than just about everything on Raven's horrible TNA DVD), but what the hell with the finish? Abyss casually tosses Raven over the top rope and then almost immediately the ref called for the bell, killing what could have been a good climax with some good drama and just making it an anticlimactic mess. I will say that I was intrigued by Runt turning on Raven, though. I wonder why?
Bobby Roode's manager search - I can't call it a waste of time because it really isn't taking up all that much, but is there going to be a payoff for all of this? It's just a bunch of random cameos and isn't really doing much to make Roode seem important. Put him in the ring and start building him up as a WRESTLER, not as some dude who's going to apparently bring the company big money. You don't bring in the big bucks by sitting in a limo talking to a guy we're not likely going to be seeing again.
JackX Division - They're trying to give the young guys some personality, which I like, but at the same time it's just goofiness and once the promotion and advertising for the movie goes away, they'll just be back to being the young up-and-coming blue chippers with little personality and no real explanation as to why they're allies other than that they're all young and friends. The bump Devine took in the shopping cart was pretty sweet, though, and the all business Senshi versus the go with the flow, have fun Sabin makes for a good contrast, but they're going to have to play it up really big this week on Impact for it to mean a damn, otherwise it's just a waste and they might as well could have just not bothered to put them on television at all.
SmackDown!: By: Nick Marsico
Smackdown 09.15.06:
The Right:
Wrestling - The main reason I look forward to SmackDown each week isn't because the angles and storylines they're running are so enthralling that I can't turn away, it's because that for 2 hours each week, I have a time that I can turn on the television and just watch wrestling. Not sports-entertainment necessarily, but wrestling. A show in which two guys (or more) get into the ring and things are settled by a pinfall or a submission – not a bunch of guys cutting lame promos on each other, dropping shit on their foes or wrestling in 4 minute barely matches every week. This week we kicked it off with another decent-to-good match between Hardy and Helms, a match that got time and, while not a clean finish, a finish that at least looked good. Add to that a fun and fast paced (though too short) triple threat between single members of each of the three feuding tag teams, a good, long mid-show main event between Kennedy and Mysterio (although the finish was shitty) and a pretty good main event between two guys who have been settling it in the ring for the entire year (though nothing ever gets settled), and you have a happy Nicky, I tell you.
The Miz - Yes, you might be asking yourself if I've gone crazy, but the little fucker has been growing on me. I've been surprised to see that over the last couple of weeks he has actually shown that he can wrestle, and he's done some pretty cool and innovative stuff. I also like that since he's not a big monster, the squash wins they're giving him are less squashes and more actual matches in which you just know he's going to win. Somehow the motherfucker is winning me over, and I don't know if I don't like it.
JBL, the regular person commentator - By "regular person" I mean that he isn't completely for heels or anti faces. He tends to lean more to the heel side, but he does like some faces and gives accolades to everybody and properly builds up all of the wrestlers no matter who they are (unless they're Sylvan or the Miz). JBL's such a fresh breath of air after having to listen to King on color for so many years over on RAW and having Tazz, who switched a few times from face to heel and back to face commentator in his few years. He's unbelievably entertaining and funny and every week he has tons of good lines throughout the night. JBL is right up there in the running for best color guy ever, and to me is on the short list of best commentators period, too.
The King on color - Of course I mean the good, true and valiant King, King Booker, not Jerry Lawler. I was a bit miffed that he decided to drop the over-the-top English king speak accent for whenever he started calling the action, but he's so funny that it didn't end up bothering me when it came down to it. You can just tell the man's having the time of his life, and that 2-year contract extension he just inked sure is a sign of that.
Possible trouble in the court - I don't know if they're going to end up playing something out in which Finlay eventually ends up getting a title shot and his relationship with King Booker and Sir Regal ends or if they're just playing up the fact that Finlay really doesn't give a damn as long as he gets to fight somebody. I'd prefer the second, as it came off on SmackDown that Finlay understood that if he won the match he would get a shot at the King and understood that Regal and Booker wanted to make sure the King's title would be safe if Finlay won, but that he, in the end, just wanted to get the job done and would fight the King if need be, but there would be no hard feelings, at least on his end. Finlay's character is a lot of fun, and it plays off Sir Regal's so well that it just makes for entertaining television.
puRgatory:
Regal and Vito - I'm not against the somewhat feud or bothered by it, and Regal is always great for some comedy, but in the end it's really just a meh thing for me. The match was decent, but nothing I was really on the edge of my seat watching and not something I felt I had to turn away from. It was just there. I like that Vito and Regal stiffed each other a bit in there (in more ways than one – THAT'S A POINT FOR ME!), but that's really the only high point. They don't have to choose between serious and comedy, but the problem with the match that there wasn't enough of either for it to have worked as well as it could have.
The Guerrero/Mysterio connection - The angle isn't mind-numbingly bad and they aren't going overboard with the Eddy thing any longer, as it now seems to be more about the Guerrero name and the family against Rey instead of a fight for Eddy's love, so that's a positive, but other than looking forward to the match this upcoming week and the cage match at the PPV, the feud is kind of just there. It's not taking up too much time and they're toning down on the Eddy stuff, as I said, so it's alright with me, but I don't honestly care enough for this to be an especially good or bad part of my viewing experience.
The wRong:
The push of Sylvester Terkay - Holy shit, the man's offense is boring as fuck, and it's not going to start being cool until we get to see him work it into an actual match. Just putting on what amounts to a bunch of rest holds for 3 minutes and doing little else of interest isn't something anybody wants to see. If they want to keep putting him in squashes, the formula is simple. Be explosive. A big suplex/throw right at the opening bell, pick him up for a spinning back fist or a roundhouse kick, then when he's on the ground, aggressively attack him and quickly put in the keylock submission, and WRENCH it and stretch the guy out, don't just hold it with an almost menacing look on your face.
The Ridiculous:
There wasn't anything ridiculous, at least not in a bad way. The stuff that was ridiculous in a good way is up there in the ‘right' section in JBL's awesomeness and King Booker on commentary.
Send me feedback at the86melon@gmail.com and read The News to Start Your Weekend! It's up now!
RAW!: By: J.T.~!
Raw 09.18.06:
The Right:
Finally doing something with the IC division - Apparently, Vince reads me. Last week in these very R's I bitched and moaned about how pairing everybody with Edge and Cena was doing nothing but overshadow the Intercontinental title. Well, this week, we got a six-pack challenge to determine a new Intercontinental Champion! It was nice to see all six of them out there for no OTHER reason that the IC belt. I also think that having Nitro win was the right decision. Had someone else have won it, it could very easily have fallen into "okay, so now he'll carry the belt pointlessly for a couple of months". Now, not only do you have a decent heel IC champ, but also you have FIVE men chasing after him, none of whom – be it face or heel – like each other very much. This was an excellent way to begin to breathe some life back into that division. Let's hope they stay with it this time.
Finally Starting to re-establish the Women's division - Look, we all know that Trish leaving is a huge blow to that division, but to me they have at least started the ‘No Trish Era' off on the right foot. For one, you had Lita actually wrestling, something she hasn't been doing lately, and something she will have to do much more of if they expect to keep the division alive. Another thing they did well was create an instant feud. They didn't wait a month and then throw something together randomly. They were coming off a PPV, and all the ladies now want a shot at the belt. While we wait for Vince and co. to come up with how exactly they want to handle that, we have Mickie and Lita feuding to keep the women on TV – even if in small doses. If handled correctly, they could handle the loss of Trish with minimal damage. Will her lack of presence be noticeable? Of course it will, but now it's up for the other Divas to step up to the plate. I agree with Csonka that when the belt is brought back, it should be an inter-brand belt. That way you could have women that wrestle – and the belt – on TV up to twice a week, something neither the US or IC title can do because of the brand split.
No McMahon's! - See! Vince does read me! I also bitched and groaned about the McMahon's being on TV and how in general I had just grown tired of the whole feud. Well, FINALLY I got a week free of the McMahon's, and I was a happy camper because of it. They are really wearing thin, and if they do have to keep this going with DX until they figure out what to do with them, they need to minimize the feud, and that starts with not taking up twenty minutes of RAW every week. So thank you Vince, for not appearing on my television once throughout RAW.
Kane vs. Umaga - I really think that this feud can be good for both men. The benefits to Umaga are obvious, but I think this is something Kane needed just as badly. There is no denying that Kane has almost slipped into glorified jobber land. He gets a win here and there, but they never mean anything; but every so often they will put him in a feud like this to remind us that Kane can be a beast if motivation, which will always keep him as a legit threat – no matter if we know the outcome or not. Umaga has been running through the roster, and having him encounter problems with Kane does just that.
PuRgatory:
So how long until…? Look, I have no issues with the Cena and Edge feud continuing, but how long can they go without someone else sticking their nose into their business. It's becoming a bit odd to me that they seem to be the only two on the roster interested in being the WWE Champion. I mean is that the main title scene now? Tagging with random people every week until those two can face each other at the PPV's? SOMEONE needs to point out that Cena and Edge are not the only two people whose ultimate goal is to be the WWE champ.
The wRong:
Oh look, Shelton Benjamin is on the roster - So we haven't seen him lately, he is left off the Pay-Per-View, is left out of the six-pack challenge (we couldn't make it a seven?), and THIS is the TV time he gets. To yell about not being asked to partner with the McMahon's – because he's black no less. Honestly, who in the hell does he keep pissing off. Time after time after time they tease us as if he might be a part of a serious storyline, and then they continue to not use him properly. The guy is probably the best "pure athlete" on RAW, can actually wrestle, has put on some GREAT matches in the past, and yet Chris Masters gets to be in the IC match. Disgusting.
My how quickly we forget - Ummmm… correct me if I'm wrong, but there was a match for the tag team gold at Unforgiven wasn't there? Where were the Highlanders? Did we really need a single's match with the Spirit Squad? Oh, and yet again, the main title scene overshadows anything else going on. I'm sure that chair shot to the head of Murdoch is really doing THAT tag team a lot of good. Charlie Haas and Viscera anyone? Yeah, anytime they give an inkling that they might be doing something with the division (even giving it a PPV match no less), they quickly remind us that they in fact do not care and a good tag division is not something we can expect anytime soon.
The Ridiculous:
See my Shelton comments from earlier - Seriously, this is both wRong AND Ridiculous. I've said my piece. Other than that it was a fairly solid show.
RAW Ver. 2!: By: Andy Clark~!
Raw 09.18.06:
Right:
Git 'er Dun!: OK, let me say that I'm not a big fan of Cade & Murdoch. Lance Cade has potential, and Murdoch has character, neither man possesses both. Still, it's for reasons like that that tag teams are invented. Now I'm not one to preach about how WWE needs a strong tag division or anything like that, but I do have a problem with them jobbing out their former champions. Fortunately that seems to be rectified, as Cade & Murdoch are in a (mini)feud with DX. I like how they have slowly added C&M's involvement over the last few weeks. A couple of weeks ago they were just volunteering to help the McMahon's, last week they were "resources" and this week they were actually in a match. While I doubt this DX feud will last until Cyber Sunday, it's doing good to give the rub to two young guys and it's actually a welcome change from DX-McMahon's.
Hey, I Remember You: Perhaps this is more of a Hidden Highlight, but I liked the fact that Creative seemingly didn't forget the past issues between Triple H & John Cena. The way Cena and Trips were eying each other after Coach made the Six Man Tag indicated that this wouldn't be a "nobody mention that they fought before" deal with the faces automatically making up. Plus, the seeds are sown for the big WrestleMania rematch between the two somewhere down the road.
Brooklyn! Brooklyn!: I've gotta say, I liked Cryme Tyme this week. Shad Gaspard has a certain presence to him that will help this gimmick get over and I think once they debut, whenever they have a feud, they should do the video package with the super-white narrator. "The Spirit Squad is straight trippin' if they think they can roll up on Cryme Tyme, yo."
Kenny Who?: That's right, the REAL star of the Spirit Squad was in action on Raw. Finally Johnny has gotten the chance to get out there and show the world what he can do. I've been a fan of his since the DX-Squad match at Vengeance and I think he could be the breakout star of the group. A feud with Ric Flair is fresh and it can only help all five of them to grow as in ring performers. The great thing about having such a big group (I never thought I'd say that), is that they can feud with Flair and still have a World Tag Team Title feud at the same time. This will probably lead to the breakup of the Spirit Squad, which disappoints me, but at least they are investing some time in their individual characters now. Oh, and their music
rules all.
Six Pack of Midcarders: The Six Pack Challenge for the IC Title was all kinds of fun. I didn't really dig it much at the beginning as it was rather unorganized, but it seemed like they regrouped and got something really good out of it. It was nice to see Super Crazy in there with more established stars as that just elevates him on the Raw depth chart. The IC division could be really hot right now as there are worthwhile combinations of any six of those participants (plus Shelton Benjamin!).
So the Women's Title Stays?: I like how they're building to a Lita-Mickie James showdown. It would make sense for Mickie to want to fill the shoes of her idol and reclaim the title. I'm surprised they addressed the Women's Title situation so quickly, and I'm interested to see where Beth Phoenix fits into the picture when she returns.
puRgatoRy:
It's Because I'm Black: I'll wait and see where this goes before I make up my mind. I'm happy that Shelton should finally have something to do, but it's depressing that almost every black wrestler that comes through WWE has to have a storyline about their race at some point. I'll be curious to see if Cryme Tyme has anything to do with this, or even the returning Rodney Mack since it was his gimmick last. We'll have to see on this one.
Monster's Ball: I liked the idea of a Kane-Umaga feud, but I'm not really sure it needs to be stretched out. I guess we're going to get a gimmick match at Cyber Sunday, but who knows if they can keep the audience interested for that long.
wRong:
I Bet the Paint Could Speak Better Too: I understand Johnny Nitro needs practice on the mic before he gets any better, but does it have to be on live television? I'm normally not one to rag on mic skills because I find even people that aren't great on the mic have their own style that works (see: Benoit, Chris) but Nitro is pretty painful to listen too. In the past few weeks he has been shown up on the mic by Jeff Hardy and Chris Masters, that's gotta suck.
It's Better to Be DQed Than, OK, No It's Not: Why did we have a DQ finish in the main event? I understand not wanting to bury Cade & Murdoch just yet, but I don't think a loss would have hurt that tremendously. What an anticlimactic ending.
Ridiculous:
PPV? What PPV?: I'm not normally a stickler for selling injuries, but come on. Edge and Cena look perfectly fine after their brutal match the night before, even though both took sick bumps. Edge should have been selling that FU off the ladder like death itself. But you know what? They wanted to get the champ on TV, I can forgive. But then Shawn Michaels and Triple H are fine, too?! Outside of what I guess was a legit bandage on Michaels there was nothing! Hell in a Cell is supposed to be the most brutal match in all of WWE and up until now it had been protected as such. At least the Boss Man had emotional scars after his craptastic Hell in a Cell Match. Michaels and Triple H should never have been the same again, not writing poetry.
ECW on Sci-Fi!: By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks
ECW on Sci-Fi!: 09.19.06:
Now I don't usually jack off to news items, but the announcement that WWE has released The Boogeyman (a/k/a Our Smiley) certainly aroused tears of joy at this desk. Apparently, I was Right all along on this one, because, aside from the fact that he COULDN'T WRESTLE, my greatest doubt and concern over this character was the fact that the performer was around 40, not a good investment by the company. We could talk about his severance package, but that's another can of worms altogether…
The Right:
When Royal-T slums – What a thoroughly entertaining guest appearance this week by King Booker and Queen Sharmell! As has been the case with the Sovereign couple on SmackDown!, we saw their backstage segments garnished with the quality brand of "little things" (the "Hidden Highlights", eef you wee-yull) that make them so entertaining. For instance, gone was the benevolent King Booker, as should have been the case, as he was no longer in his own "kingdom", but rather the land of the extreme, a hostile place, to be certain, and so, his guard was up. Some of the Extremists actually had the nerve to stand up to him, to get in his face! How dare they! However, Booker didn't drop the act entirely. The expression of confused disdain on his face as CM Punk described his sXe lifestyle was priceless! However, it was the delectable Queen who ruled the backstage segments this week; the manner in which she waved Stevie Richards off with the flick of her fingers in a "go away" motion after he had finished adoring her, the way she physically blanched and looked ill each time the word "balls" was mentioned as they "met" Balls Mahoney and (especially) her outrage over being confronted with Trinity and what she was almost wearing ("WHO is this JEZEBEL?!", complete with Aunt Esther head-weaving) absolutely MADE these vignettes. These two have emerged as the BEST thing about WWE Right now.
Well, except, of course, for Rob…Van…Dam, with whom Booker was reunited in the final in the series of backstage segments (and thank you to Joey Styles for actually pointing out during the following match that they were, indeed, a tag team on Raw back in the day…although suggesting that it was Booker's ego which caused the team to fracture, as Our King wanted all the glory for himself, was Ridiculous, considering Booker's list of tag titles won makes Edge's look shabby by comparison). It's no surprise their Extreme Rulz match was a great little main event (and a welcome change of pace from yet another meaningless WHT defense from The Big Show), as they not only were tag partners when on the same brand, but good friends and riding partners (thus, it makes one wonder if they had a rather un-Punk-like reunion after the match…). As was the case with The Kliq, whenever friends square off in the ring, they give that extra effort to get over one another. There were some pretty sick spots and both men got in a hell of a lot of signature offense in just under ten minutes (we even got to see the returns of The Spinarooni and The Houston/Harlem Hangover!), when Hardcore Holly ran in and nailed RVD in the back with a chair, allowing Booker to get the W with a chair-assisted Scissors Kick. RVD wows the crowd with his unique move set, Booker goes over in screwy, cowardly fashion after requiring a run-in to save him and Holly continues to make an impact while carrying-on his grudge with RVD. All in all, this was fun and function…well done!
The Extreme War continues to build – I actually quite enjoyed the opening bout tonight between the teams of Tommy Dreamer, The Sandman and Sabu/Mike Knox, Test and Matt Striker. We're seeing Sabu be brought in to team with Dreamer and Sandman, all three with heat toward Test and Knox, plus we went a LONG way in accelerating heat between Sandman and Striker, as Striker managed to eliminate Sandman from the match early on (I want to call bullshit on this, considering the fact that Sandman is The Extreme Icon, and a little whoopsie-daisy off the apron to the guard rail should HARDLY be something to cause Sandman to be carted off to the back, but Striker's reaction was SO good as he waved bye-bye, saying, "I did that to you, Sandman!" makes me want to believe). This is Paul Heyman-style continuity and I have a feeling we're a LONG way from done in this regard and I'm intrigued.
One thing I find to be possibly troubling, though, is the fact that this match was basically carried by Knox, Test and Dreamer. Granted, the former two are starting to look good as a tag unit and there was a solid, if somewhat overused, blueprint utilized in the match, but it does tend to make one wonder if these three were used because Sandman and Sabu aren't really all that fresh and because Striker can't deliver in the ring…? Probably concerned over nothing here, but that is Heyman's style of booking matches…
I really dug the fact that Test & Knox went after Dreamer's back, considering the history he has with back injuries, as Styles pointed out SEVERAL times during the contest. What I did not like, however, was the manner in which Dreamer gave Sabu the Matt Hardy doggy-style assist, subbing for a chair. If Dreamer was being so beaten down on a tender back, why is he allowing Sabu to jump around all over it? Tsk. Two other random performance-oriented comments: 1) Knox got STUCK with that Dreamer DDT…shades of RVD selling just such a move!; and, 2) Props again to Knox, as that top rope leg drop was THUNDEROUS! There may be hope for this guy after all!
Purgatory:
Battle Of The Punks II – Hmm. Now I know I went on a pants-wetting tirade about how awesome a program between CM Punk and Shannon Moore could be, mainly because the premise is automatic and the grudge can grow from there ("You're a poseur and I'm the real deal, therefore, I resent you"/"I am not a poseur, therefore I resent your resentment and judgment"). However, and perhaps it's just how these things are being booked, but it's starting to dawn on me that perhaps these two just don't have a lot of chemistry? Moore is a lot more an aerial tactician than he's been allowed to display; why he's being reduced to Right hands befuddles me. All in all, this match was just a longer version of last week's squash and didn't really show us anything new, other than the devastation of Punk's finishing sequence. I'll put this in puRgatory for now, with a hopeful heart, but I'm starting to question…
The "T" is silent in "Ribbit" – Last week, I called into question the sense in having Rene Dupree claim to be the most extreme athlete ECW's ever seen with his weak ass move set, possibly playing off of irony. Well, he had a blink-and-miss-it promo where he told us, yet again, how hardcore he is, despite last week's crap showing. I'll allow reader Manu sum up: He's a heel, and a former WWE French Canadian pretty-boy wuss, so naturally he's going to come out claiming to be the most hardcore, and then do nothing to back it up. I'm waiting for the week-ass-chair-shot where he smacks someone lightly, turns to the crowd to say "now that's extreme", does the dance, only to turn around and see that it had no effect....then get smacked with an ECW chair shot.
Now THAT, friends, could be fun. If Heyman still has his chops, he could stretch out that first chair shot for months and get some noob over big time by being the one who nails him in the noggin.
The wRong:
Extreme boobs and Balls – Well bury my face in a giant's ass and call me Vince, Ol' Horseface is back and actually looks pretty good! I couldn't believe what she was wearing, though! I was SURE there was going to be a Lita-style nip slip during the catfight. Damn, and here I was, all set to call Francine "the old gray mare". Meh. I'm assuming that what we had tonight was not the blow off between Balls Mahoney and Kevin Thorn, because this was SHORT and DULL with the exception of Balls' reverse cradle suplex and Thorn's Crucifix bomb finisher. Hell, considering Francine's history and Aerial's hanging vampire pre-match ritual, I'd almost rather see the cat fight…
The Ridiculous:
Still again – I'll say nothing! Although I should be careful…the aforementioned Manu called me on my lack of criticism last week when I claimed all was pretty good:Oh come on, there's gotta be something. What about Shannon Moore getting jobbed out faster than an ECW original? All that hype for all those weeks and he comes out and gets punked out by punk? I'm not saying they can't repair the damage done, but why do the damage in the first place? he could've at least put up a fight to make him seem legit'ish.
Okay, I suppose you're Right.
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RetRo TNA Unbreakable!:
Match Results:
Match #1 –The 3 Live Kru defeated the Diamonds in the Rough @ 4:25 via pin *½
Match #2 –Showcase Match: Austin Aries defeated Roderick Strong @ 8:05 via pin *** -
Match #3 –Kip James and Monty Brown defeated Apollo and Hoyt @ 10:01 via pin **
Match #4 –Chris Sabin defeated Petey Williams @ 12:33 via pin ***
Match #5 –Abyss defeated Sabu @ 11:25 via pin ***¾
Match #6 –Bobby Roode defeated Jeff Hardy @ 9:19 via pin *
Match of the Night, possibly match of the year! - This match had a lot of hype going into it. Three great competitors, the X Title on the line and then they were made the Main Event of the show. But all three men stepped their game up and delivered that match that many "experts" thought they would.
This match was hard hitting, quick paced and exciting from beginning to end. While the rest of the PPV was solid, this match made me want to cheer out loud I was getting so involved. You had AJ, playing the unstoppable underdog, Daniels playing the "smarter than you" heel and Joe just being the total bad ass.
All three men busted their Asses, and even broke out all of the extra stops you would expect in a match of this magnitude. I had high expectations going into the match, but was really blown away at what they accomplished. This match MADE this PPV a must buy for all fans of wrestling. For 23-minutes I was totally excited and did not want the match to end, and I am glad that I had the opportunity to not only witness this match, but to do the play by play on it.
Showcase Match - This is something that I love about TNA. This isn't a knock on the WWE, but it is just something that they won't do. I love that TNA will bring in two outside wrestlers, give them a match and then on commentary not only put them over but their promotion they usually work for! That is something extra that TNA can offer its fan base, and something that WCW and ECW were able to capitalize on and get new talent from.
Onto the match itself, I thought it was very good; especially for it only going 8-minutes. Aries and Strong worked very hard, very clean and very stiff at times and the crowd got into it very quickly. They really put on a nice exhibition, and Aries winning was what I expected. He impressed TNA management last time out and is expected to be signed. Strong also impressed, I hadn't seen anything from him for a while and I really feel he has improved and might have earned himself at the very least a call back for another match. Good stuff here and another strong match.
Abyss vs. Sabu - This match was a pleasant surprise. It isn't that I expected it to be horrible, but Sabu at his age and the fact that he is so broken down you could have expected an off night. Instead the man KILLED himself numerous times and did so flawlessly. He gets a lot of slack for slipping up and all, but this was vintage Sabu here my friends. Abyss proves that he thrives in these kind of matches and delivered the goods as well. The ending was totally awesome, as Sabu tried the old triple jump into a tornado DDT, which had worked before in the night. But it was all for not, because he ate the Black Hole Slam into the THUMBTACKS!
One other thing I want to compliment is James Mitchell. The man gives a reason for EVERYTHING he has Abyss do. Before the match he cut a promo saying that since Sabu wanted Abyss so much, the he would get him in Sabu's own kind of match. Why was this so great? Because all Sabu matches breakdown into the ECW style match with all the plunder, even if it is a "regular match." The fact that things got explained was a great touch, and was very much appreciated.
Bentley's Return and Surprise - This was a nice and unexpected surprise. Bentley was looking for a new contract because he had been working for the same money almost since day 1. He has been loyal and he and management worked out their differences. He has a new contract, and made a surprise return on the show. The return came seconds after Chris Sabin defeated Petey Williams. He delivered a sweet Superkick to Sabin, and then grabbed the mic to explain that "he could have went up north, but that TNA was his home and that he was staying right here." He then went onto say that he had helped to build this company, and that at next month's show, the biggest TNA show ever, it would be a crime not to have him there in the match that he made popular, the ULTIMATE X! He then dropped Williams with a Superkick and left to a great pop.
I loved that it came off as a surprise as it didn't leak out, and the crowd responded well. I also like that they are tossing the Ultimate X on Bound for glory. It will be a 3-4-way match I imagine for a shot at the X Title. Sabin has won the most Ultimate X Matches, Bentley helped build them, Petey has been excellent in them and tossing in Daniels or perhaps Austin Aries to the match and we have gold in my opinion.
The wRong:
Just there - I will say that this PPV had one "main" problem. A lot of the action was just "there" for me. While they have taken this time off of TV to ensue awesome in ring action, the lack of TV has hurt in the fact that they haven't wanted to burn through stories. That leads to a few matches that are just there, or rehashes. While only match was "bad" I would say, many were just good or fell below expectations.
Petey vs. Sabin was a damn fine match, and I know it was thrown together at the last minute due to Shocker being double booked basically. The thing was is that it was just about the same match they have had before several times. A good match, but just rehash.
Raven and Rhino was "solid," but after watching the whole show you can understand why they went with the 3-way for the main event. Raven and Rhino worked hard, but it just didn't have "main event" written all over it. Also, Sabu and Abyss out did them about an hour earlier with the plunder.
The tag title match was again good, but a lot of the same that we have seen.
This is not a slight on these guys, because it can be difficult to work without a good story behind you and also it is hard when you have worked a lot together to make it seem new and fresh. Like I said, not "bad" in any way, but if I had to nitpick, and let's face it that is the purpose of the column this would be it.
The Ridiculous:
Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode - I am just amazed that they give Hardy so much. I know that he is a "name" and might be attractive to some people when they get back on TV. The thing here is that this was a bad match. Hardy looked lost and just BAD at times. When Bobby Roode is running circles around you, there are problems. That is no slight on Roode, because he is damn good and did more than his part; he just isn't known as a speedster. The most exciting part of the match was when JJ came out and beat the shit out of Hardy and Roode won. The match just drug on, and I couldn't wait for it to end.
The Ri-GOD DAMN-diculous:
Sean Waltman - Glory be, I get to use my 4th R once again, and this week it is dedicated to Sean Waltman. Now back in May I believe I was all for getting rid of him. He was being unprofessional and was looking like shit in the ring. I felt TNA had no use for him and I didn't want to see him on PPV.
Then Jeff Hardy no shows and who takes his place? Sean Waltman, in a clockwork orange match. Raven kicked his ass with tons of plunder, and in the end got the win. But what happened that night was Sean Waltman seemed to care, he worked his ass off, took crazy bumps and did everything to make that match special under the circumstances.
He went on to the King of the Mountain Match and held his own, bumped, worked hard and looked good. The next month he stepped into the ring with AJ Styles and had one of the three best matches on that show, and looked like the competitor that I remembered. Then he got a match with Jerry Lynn, a chance to recapture some of the greatness from the early 1990's. They did just that, and TNA made it feel like a special event all in it's own.
I was convinced, Sean Waltman was back and he was better than ever. Half way through the year and he was my "comeback performer." He entered into the Candido cup and made a good team with Alex Shelley. He was supposed to Ink his long-term contract and then, he fucked everyone. That's right, he fucked TNA and anyone that bought into him as a changed person. He won that tournament and then tried to hold up TNA management, complaining that he was MISUSED! Apparently he is back on the crack, because if being showcased in major matches on 3 consecutive PPV's and then winning the Candido Tournament is being misused, then poor Chris Sabin is about to kill himself.
Sean no showed the PPV; in essence making a mockery of the tournament and almost ruining a Tag Title match at the PPV. Basically he used these great matches and is trying to get back with the WWE. That is fine, more power to him. If he wants back in the WWE and wants to make more money that is his choice. But as a wrestling fan I was insulted that he fucked TNA, Alex Shelley, the Candido Tournament and everyone paying for that show. He should have had the integrity to show up, tell them he wanted to go to the fed, done the fucking job and then went home.
Go away Sean, I have no use for you.
PPV Thoughts:
Only one match that I would call "bad" on this show. Overall I really enjoyed the show, and TNA continues their PPV hot streak. Once again I recommend you order a replay of this show, and TIVO, DVR or tape that main event and keep it FOREVER! I give this an 8.5 of 10.
READER RANT TIME!
Two this week, they are going back to people disagreeing on my stance on the booking of Trish vs. Lita. I am trying to catch up with stuff, and since they disagreed. I still stand by my original position, but I felt they should get some space since they have some valid points, and I don't mind you guys sharing. SHARE ON I SAY!
First up is Greg -
But this e-mail is regards to your continued frustration with the Raw Trish & Lita angle. i understand where you coming from.. but you have to look at the setting of the match.. Trish is the hometown girl and to do a retirement match pretty much means Trish will lose in her hometown. and with edge being primed to lose as well it seems that would really suck for Toronto..
So now working with the current woman's title angle. it gives Trish a chance to win a title one more time retiring with the title.. furthering her current record... as well as allowing the title to be vacated and really set RAW up for a relaunch of the woman's division.. with Victoria, Mickie, Candace, and Lita
I think its actually refreshing change to how they usually write people out of the show.. (by embarrassing or injuring them).. i think this angle will allow Trish to leave on the much-deserved great note with the WWE.. and after walking on all 4s and barking like a dogg for Vince years ago.. i feel that they owe her that much…But i will say if she loses anyway then you were absolutely right.. they should have just did the retirement angle, But with her being RKOed and pinned Monday I'm pretty sure they will give her the title 1 more time.. making here the Ric Flair so to speak of the woman's title.. (or at least HHH)
But i really think its a way of giving Toronto something big to really cheer for since it looks like Cena will be taking the title back.
And finally Eric -
I disagree with you about the Trish/Lita setup. You say it's "basic booking 101" to have the "career vs. career" thing.... That's the problem. It's TOO predictable. I actually applaud them for doing something different and refreshing. That way, the Toronto home crowd (even the marks) can give Trish the proper farewell from beginning to end, AND she can go out on a winning note (something impossible if she had to lose a retirement match). Just saying it's not THAT ridiculous.
