The Shimmy 9.25.06: Saving Josh Matthews
Posted by Andy Clark on 09.25.2006
We take a break from the Big Show Report Card to take a look at a very serious issue: saving the career of the best play-by-play man in all of wrestling. Do your part and read!
Hola, kiddies, and welcome back to Los Shimmy. I'm a little under the weather at the moment so this column won't be particularly long. Given my current health I didn't think I could do the Big Show Report Card justice, so Part Three will return next week, two weeks at the latest (I may have an all Capital Punishment edition next week). Gives you something to look forward too, right?
This week, though, we take a look at something, or should I say someone, that I care about very much. That of course, is the disappearance of Josh Matthews. For my longtime readers you will know that Josh Matthews is my favorite announcer in wrestling outside of Good Ol' JR. He used to be a regular on SmackDown programming, providing play-by-play for Velocity and conducting backstage interviews on SmackDown. Unfortunately with the cancellation of Velocity, and the arrival of Mike Mizanin and Krystal Marshall, Josh Matthews has fallen off the map. Even his incompetent (but very nice) Velocity partner Steve Romero has something to do in the company as he is the face of WWE 24/7. This week I'll examine what kinds of jobs Josh Matthews could or should be doing in an effort to get him back in the national eye. Just so I don't step on anyone's toes, we'll look at the top eleven jobs for Josh. Let's get this shiznit rolling!
1. Bring back Velocity!
This is of course the easiest option. I hate the fact that Velocity was cancelled, especially due to the fact that there were a lot of good matches that took place here. I also think it looks bad to not be consistent with your brands. Raw has a second show, so should SmackDown. ECW doesn't count since they only have one hour, and any wrestling show that's only an hour can't be taken seriously. If ECW ever gets their own TV tapings Velocity should definitely return. Even if they don't, I don't see why it can't happen. Velocity doesn't need to have four matches every week, two matches would be sufficient. They already do one Dark Match anyhow, this shouldn't be an issue.
2. Give him something on 24/7.
There are all kinds of things he could be doing. As it stands Michael Cole, Tazz, Steve Romero, and Gene Okerlund all have shows to host on 24/7. You don't think there is something they could do with Josh? Hell, let him host old OVW shows, or repeats of Tough Enough, or even a "Vince McMahon Kiss Ass Hour." You have a great talent, USE HIM.
3. Start the fourth brand.
Come on, you know it'll happen sooner or later, and when it does Josh Matthews needs to be the lead play-by-play guy. Color commentators are a dime a dozen so his partner doesn't matter, but as long as Josh heads the team it'll be great. Josh Matthews can sell just about any match so even if the brand needs to get over (see ECW) he should be the man for the job. I would love to hear him call a WrestleMania main event and this could be the only way to have it happen.
4. Groom him for the future.
There are three ways that I see this going. JR isn't going to be around forever, and I could conceivably see him stepping down within the next three or four years. Either just have Josh step in and replace JR on Raw, or have Michael Cole move into JR's spot and have Josh take Cole's spot on SmackDown. The other option is to give him Joey Styles' job once WWE inevitably fires him. As long as they continue to pay him he has a shot at eventually moving up in the world. Better hope he's not getting paid much.
5. Vince McMahon, welcome to the world of MMA!
This sort of goes hand in hand with No. 3. Maybe Vince won't actually start a fourth brand, but you know he's gotta be chomping at the bit to get in on the MMA action. There are more than enough mixed martial artists out there for him to stock it, and it's not like they wouldn't have the WWE hype machine behind them. Fighting is probably something Vince wouldn't screw up too bad, unlike football and bodybuilding. Josh could go on to be the next Mike Goldberg. Of course that would probably mean Mike Mizanin would be the next Joe Rogan, so I'm not so sure if that's a good idea. Hoo-rah!
6. Create an Inter-promotional announce team.
I wrote something to this affect back before JR returned to Raw. It's something I think they need, especially since there is a third brand. Can you imagine them trying to pass off a SIX PERSON announce team for Interpromotional Matches? Give Josh a good partner and let him run wild with the big matches.
7. Become a manager.
This is kind of an outlandish idea, but people are always complaining about not having managers, why not stick Josh with somebody? He can be a puny-but-smart manager in the same vein as Dave Prazak in FIP. Josh would be an excellent mouthpiece for a tag team and if given the opportunity could probably give a good promo. I'd be interested to see Josh in an actual competitive light.
8. Go to Ring of Honor.
Ideally I'd like to see Josh become a star in WWE, but if not, ROH would be a good home for him. I think he'd be able to call the action well and he has to be better than Dave Prazak's insipid commentary. Josh could even be useful in their new online content. He has big game experience that could be useful in a smaller company like ROH.
9. Welcome to Global Impact!
TNA could use another host/interviewer so we don't need to see Jeremy Borash during every interview. I like JB, but it would be nice to have some variety. Josh could also host Global Impact with Christy Hemme, seeing as how he has Internet show experience. The only thing that would prevent this is the total unfairness of it all; teaming him up with Christy Hemme when he's already married to a SMOKING former wrestling host. Josh's commentary isn't the only reason I respect him, Rue DeBona is freaking gorgeous.
10. Get back in the ring.
I'm not sure how good his ring skills are at this point, but I'd love to see him have the opportunity to actually wrestle. Whether it be in WWE's Cruiserweight division or in TNA's X-Division, I think Josh could fit in. Depending on his ring skills he may be best served in an enhancement talent role, or even in a tag team. They are going to need something for Joey Mercury to when he returns from rehab, a tag team with Josh Matthews could work well.
11. Wrestling Society X.
From all accounts the guy they have poised to do commentary for their promotion completely sucks. I forget his name, but I believe I've heard him referred to as a "fake Joey Styles." Only Joey Styles can do Joey Styles, and even then it's still sometimes annoying. Much like I said about Josh being assigned to a fourth brand, Josh would be able to sell a new promotion. Josh probably plays into the "beautiful people" image they want of half of their viewership, playing into that Laguna Beach demographic. Hell, give him an ugly, brutish broadcast partner (Balls Mahoney anybody?) and all should be good.
So there you have it, my eleven ideas to help get Josh Matthews something to do. Have any ideas of your own? Shoot me an e-mail and let me know!
A Reason For Bullet Points
Only three bullet points this week as I rush through this column.
Booker T was really fun this past week. His appearance on ECW was one of the more entertaining Interpromotional deals that they've had, and his match with RVD was really good. He was also gold on SmackDown, especially dropping back into "sucka" mode when he got upset. This is the most I've enjoyed him during his "King Booker" gimmick, so kudos.
It was INSANE to hear the reaction Sylvan got on Friday. It'll never happen again (at least not outside of Montreal), but I've gotta admit that it was really cool. That could possibly be a career highlight for him, and it made an otherwise boring match rather interesting.
The WWE Champion and World Heavyweight Champion in the same match next week is rather intriguing. That distinction loses a bit of its luster now that there is a third World Title, but it's still a nice novelty. It's only the second time that that has happened (the Handicap Match at Saturday Night's Main Event in March being the other), and I think it's only about the fourth or fifth time that the two champions have even laid hands on one another. It would be cool to see all the SmackDown superstars turn on Cena and beat him down to set up Survivor Series, but that would probably screw up their plans for No Mercy.
Andy! Andy! At Last You Have Some Feedback!
Daniel Taylor throws his WrestleMania 23 card into the mix:
know this is probably a little late ... but I was reading your column and thought I'd put pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard) and design my dream Wrestlemania 23 card. I made sure I kept everything believable and possible. A couple of the surprises are far-fetched ... but if they want to rival Wrestlemania 3, they've got to go BIG!
1.) The Highlanders vs. Cryme Tyme (C) (World Tag Team Championship)
2.) The Boogeyman vs. Sylvester Terkay
3.) Inter-Brand 10-Man Tag: The Big Show, Test, Umaga, Johnny Nitro & Fit Finley vs. The Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Carlito, Bobby Lashley, & The Great Khali
4.) Gregory Helms (C) vs. Paul London (Cruiserweight Championship)
5.) Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero (Loser Leaves Town Match)
6.) "The Legend Killer" Randy Orton vs. The Ultimate Warrior
7.) Edge (c) vs. "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair (Intercontinental Championship)
8.) C.M. Punk vs. Rob Van Dam (C) (ECW Heavyweight Title)
9.) Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Sabu vs. "The Reject" Shannon Moore vs. Booker T vs. Ken Kennedy
10.) Vince McMahon vs. The Three Faces Of Foley (Gauntlet Match)
11.) The Undertaker vs. Batista (C) (World Heavyweight Championship)
12.) "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
13.) Battle Royale For The Vacant Women's Championship (Lita, Victoria, Jazz,
Candace Michelle, Torrie Wilson, Maria, Trinity, Francine, Mickey James, Daffney, Fabulous Moolah, Mae Young, Ariel, Kelly Kelly, Ashley, Jillian, Kristal & Chyna)
14.) John Cena (C) vs. "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels (WWE Title)
Some Notes -
I really made a conscious effort to include Smackdown! on the card. Aside from a few bright spots, the show is just dreadfully boring.
Some of the championship matches are not based on the current title holders, but on what I think will (or should) be in place by the time spring rolls around.
I know getting the Ultimate Warrior is nearly impossible ... but he did sign some sort of licensing agreement for the WWE Classics action figure series. So, I figure if enough cash is on the table, he would play ball. Vince would be the one who needs convincing. Though I'm no fan of Warrior or Orton, I think this would be a very cool dynamic. Could Orton overcome the ULTIMATE legend?
In the Women's battle royale, I tried to include every woman in the WWE (aside from complete non-wrestlers). Daffney is just a hopeful choice of mine. I hate seeing her waste away on WrestleBirmingham (here in Alabama) Saturday nights. She's a great talent and the type of beauty that appeals to guys who don't dig the fake Barbie-Doll look. I can't understand why she's not in the 'E now. Chyna wouldn't be advertised. She would show up to make the audience feel like they experienced something surprising and big. She probably wouldn't show up again afterward.
I picture Triple H and HBK winning their matches. This would lead to an angle where Michaels, out of paranoia, actually turns heel on Triple H. I know it wouldn't happen ... but ... it would be different and interesting.
I don't know if a "Gauntlet Match" is real or something I just pulled out of the sky ... but I like the idea of Vince having to fight Cactus Jack, Dude Love, AND Mankind (boiler room dweller, not sock puppeteer).
If they are ever going to do Austin/Hogan, they need to now. They may not be in wrestling shape next year. I don't really think they are now.
I like your card. The Three Faces of Foley Match sounds really interesting, I'm just not sure how they'd pull it off. You're right to assume that Orton-Warrior would be unrealistic, but I do like the idea nonetheless. Not bad.
John Bryant has a suggestion and a comment:
I have an idea for a Dream match that could hopefully happen. It's a match that's never taken place, never actually been seen anywhere in the world as far as I remember. I'm talking about The Rock vs HBK. 2 men who are both the biggest Icons in Wrestling today......period. It could me a match that decides who truly is the bigger Icon of the WWE.
You did several Squash matches. How come you didn't do the Survivor Series Squash match when Big Show took out 4 members of the Corpate ministry in record time, all by himself. Perhaps you forgot about the Bossman/Big Show feud.
I would absolutely LOVE to see The Rock vs. Shawn Michaels. I would probably mark out for that match just as much, if not more, than I did Foley vs. Flair. I think that match would be absolutely incredible with awesome amounts of heat. Unfortunately I don't think it'll happen, but who knows.
I did include the match you are referring to in Part One of the Big Show Report Card. It happened at Survivor Series 1999 which I covered the first week.
500 Good Words w/ Andy Critchell
What the Six Pack Challenge Taught Us
Typically, you won't find me writing much about Raw as I write this column on Fridays and by then everything that happened on Raw has been pretty well covered. That being said, I thought I would throw in my insight on the "Six Pack Challenge" that we saw on the 09/18 edition of Raw. On with the show…
The participants were the current IC Champ Johnny Nitro, Super Cray, Jeff Hardy, Randy Orton, Chris Masters, and Carlito. The action was hot from start to finish with all the superstars hitting signature moves at the end before Nitro ends up stealing the win in cheap heel fashion. Even though it's sometimes overused, when a bunch of guys hit their finishers one after the other it can be a great way to end the match. All six men got in a pretty equal share of offense and the match was given a good amount of time. Plus, a belt was on the line. All in all, it was a recipe for a good match and it really delivered. So what did we learn?
The Raw mid-card is more talented than we may have thought
Take these 6 guys, toss in a Shelton, and that's a midcard I would put up against any other midcard around. Each one brings something different and special to the table and they all have the capability to get to the uppercard in their careers.
The "leaner & meaner" Masters is better than you think
WELLNESS hit this guy pretty hard but I think in the end it will help him. He still looks like a million bucks, can still perform the big man move set convincingly, and the Masterlock is still over as a finisher. It really is true that if you sell something hard enough, eventually people start to buy it. Anyway, now that he is not as bulky I've noticed his ring work getting better and better. Besides, he's a natural heel and people love to hate the guy.
More than ever, Orton is poised for a top level run
More than one person has commented on the board that Orton seemed "a little too big" for this match and I agree. But more than that, maybe these guys were actually getting a bit of a rub from young Randall! Randy came out and participated in the promo that got the whole match rolling (and by participated I mean took it over and made it great.) The fact of the matter is that Orton is awesome. He's solid in the ring, great on the mic, the RKO is a swank finisher, and he is the epitome of the cocky heel and even with his rumored WELLNESS violation he's still getting the push so obviously the WWE is behind him. I expect he'll be done with Carlito soon and maybe begin taking his run at the belt. I think WWE learned from their mistakes in his first run and won't screw it up this time around.
I was actually able to keep it around 500 words this time! Will wonders never cease? Anyway, shoot me an email to ascrit@myway.com and let me know what you think!
The Shimmy Likes It Raw!
For those of you that don't have a test on the History of Modern Japan on Tuesday, or won't be watching the NFL's triumphant return to New Orleans on ESPN, this is what you can look forward to on Raw:
DX Tag Team Gauntlet: Triple H & Shawn Michaels will face three tag teams of Jonathan Coachman's choosing. I say it'll be Viscera & Charlie Haas, Cade & Murdoch, and Big Show & Hardcore Holly. It would be cool if they brought back some old tag teams of the past even if they can't really go that well anymore. It would be cool if they had the Midnight Express, the Nasty Boys, and the tag team of deceased partners of Animal & Gary Wolfe. Hey, it could happen.
The first match in an eight diva tournament for the Women's Title: As of this writing is hasn't been announced, so here's how I see the brackets going down: Lita-Candice, Mickie-Victoria, Melina-Maria, and Beth Phoenix-Torrie. We'll see how it goes.
Well that's it for this week. Next week we'll have either the third part of the Big Show Report Card or an in depth report of TNA's Capital Punishment. Be sure to check it out! Until then, don't die. Clark…out.
