The Fink’s Payload 09.25.06: Older Stars
Posted by Sforcina-Marsico on 09.25.2006
They still burn just as bright, according to the IWC!
Matt: Hello, and welcome to the (possibly late) Fink's Payload for another week. This time round I am joined by Chris again, hooray. I'm also coming off a very bad stomach bug and then a related pulled muscle. But you didn't want to hear that, did you? No, you wanted to hear about who the IWC wants to bring back into the fold! And my god, there were plenty to choose from. So maybe the WWE's hiring policy isn't such a bad idea after all. Well, let's get started then.
(Actually, firstly, a bit of self-advertising. Should you live in Australia, watch Cybershack TV this week, after the news/sports on Channel 10 this Tuesday Night to see…Me, along with my other wrestlers in the AWF, beating up a poor black girl in a Wonder Woman costume.
It makes sense, trust me. So yeah, want to see what I look like? I'm the really fat bastard, Massive Matt Q. Just FYI, and now back to your regular column.)
First off the ranks is John Chambers, who wants to snap into some madness.
Oh yeahhhh.
They announce Savage's induction into the HOF. Savage is the top entrant this year. Orton gets upset because heading into Wrestlemania, he's the only Randy the wrestling world should be talking about. He cuts a decent fired up promo about how he will be at Wrestlemania, and he will be victorious! He lays out an open challenge for the big show. The next week, after a victory, Orton gets the mic and mention how no one has accepted his challenge but that it still stands. As he's headed out of the ring "Pomp and Circumstance" begins to play! "Macho Madness" comes through the curtain to a huge pop from the crowd! He cuts a promo about all he's accomplished in this business to deserve the attention he's getting. Orton tells him while he's accomplished a lot, the last thing he accomplished was years ago and now he's just a has-been. This prompts Savage to accept Orton's challenge.
The next week, they play a video of Savage's career highlights including when he dropped several elbow drops on Jake Roberts during a Saturday Night's Main Event. Orton comes out, cuts a promo about how he doesn't fear the "Macho Man" and how he will be another victim on the list of legends killed by the legend killer. The next week, during Orton's match, he picks up the victory using Savage's patented elbow drop. After the match, he goes up top and delivers several more elbow drops. Even with several officials trying to stop him, he continues to go up top and drop the elbows (as Savage did years ago). The next week, they do a sit down interview with Savage live from his home in Sarasota. He says he'll be at Raw next week. The next week, Savage shows up and challenges Orton to come out "so I can introduce my elbow to your face!", he says. Instead, we get A. A. Estrada. Umaga tries to attack Savage from behind but Savage fights him off. This prompts Orton to come out and join in with Umaga as they beat down Savage. Orton says Umaga is the only "savage" that matters and he is the only "Randy" that matters. Later that night, they find that Savage suffered injury to his ribs after the beat down and his Wrestlemania status is in question. The next week, we get a break in the feud. Savage is at home "healing" and we get a brief video of Orton saying since Savage is out he again has an open challenge for anyone at Mania. The next week, they conduct a second interview with Savage live "from his home". Later that night, we find that Savage was in the arena all along as he attacks and viciously assaults Randy Orton, delivering a piledriver on the announcers' table. He tells Orton "I'll see you at Wrestlemania. Ohhhhh yeah!" The final week, we don't get an appearance by either of them but we do get them mentioned when Ross and Lawler run down the card. At Mania, Savage goes for his elbow drop and misses. Later when he goes for another, he connects but Orton kicks out. Towards the end, he tries a third attempt at the elbow and Orton gets his foot on the ropes. Finally, Orton hits the RKO and then adds insult to injury by hitting the elbow drop for the win.
Chris: Oh man. An angle that starts based on the use of the name Randy? I don't know where that ranks – probably between the Jericho/Kane feud over coffee, the Edge/Booker feud over the shampoo commercial and the Ahmed/Booker feud over the use of "T". All equally lame.
Matt: I like Savage, and he will return eventually to the HOF, but I don't want to see Orton beat him (I don't want to see Randy full stop but that's besides the point). But the point is, that there is only so far Orton can go with this damm Legend Killer thing. Let him find another tack to use. But admittedly, the whole "Randy vs. Randy" thing is something the WWE would use, right Fink? But still, good idea, I suppose. Of course, there is the issue of Savage being several bowls short of a cereal packet.
Moving on, from Main Eventers to, well, the other end of the spectrum. HazMatt thinks that this would never happen, and while that's true, there is a…well, read it for yourself.
The "return" begins on Raw in a trivial backstage segment. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are by the concessions table, discussing strategy for their upcoming match against the Spirit Squad. It's non-title match, but a victory would earn them a title shot at the following Pay-Per-View. Cade proposes that they counter-act the Spirit Squad's dirty tactics with some of their own. Then, a man behind them, getting coffee and rather unnoticed, tells them "Fight clean." Cade and Murdoch question the man. He explains that the Squad is too good at fighting dirty and they outnumber Cade and Murdoch. "If you fight clean, the ref will keep a sharper eye on them, not you. Eventually they'll do themselves in." Cade and Murdoch have their match, follow the man's advice, and win the match with a quick roll-up while the ref is chastising the Squad for their conduct. Cade and Murdoch run backstage to find the man who gave them the advice, and no has seen him. The following week, Chris Masters is backstage. He's been on a bit of a losing streak and has a match against Jeff Hardy to determine the challenger for the Intercontinental title at the upcoming PPV. While Masters is nervously speaking with a random person backstage the man from last week approaches, and gives Masters an evaluating glance. The man tells Masters that he cannot match Hardy for speed or aerial tactics. He tells Masters to wait Hardy out, as Hardy needs the win as well and will eventually seek out his opponent. Of course, Masters follows the advice, wins, and seeks out the man backstage. He runs into Cade and Murdoch, who are also looking for the man, who has disappeared yet again.
Another week passes. Cade, Murdoch and Masters are searching the building, and other Superstars, seeking advice, are asking as to the man's whereabouts as well. There is no success. Later on in the broadcast, the man enters the ring, requests a microphone, and speaks:
"I'm more than willing to bet that a great deal of the fans here have no idea who I am, and those who do had probably forgotten I was ever here. Well I was here in WWE for quite some time. I spent more time in this ring than most of these new kids put together. That's not to say I've had the most impressive win-loss record. To say that I had one or two victories under my belt would not be modest, it would be the truth. It was never for lack of trying on my part, though. I was -- impaired -- I believe would be accurate. Some of you love paintings, understand them, see the meaning and the passion in each stroke, but if you yourself pick up a brush you produce nothing but a few splatters that you hope will resemble something. Some of you love music, hear the tempo, feel the beat and can compose complex tracks, but if you hold an instrument you create nothing but the most horrid sounds known to man. And some of you -- some of us -- love this business. We can size up our opponents, formulate strategies, spot weaknesses and strengths, but the moment we try to use that information, we find ourselves on our backs and staring at the lights. And then there's the other half. The guys who can win matches but never understand how to analyze an opponent's movements or find the Achilles heel that will bring the toughest opponent down for those three important seconds. That's where I come in. My body may not know how to win, but my mind sure as hell does. I've proven my abilities twice, and that was just a small sample. I'm offering my services to those who want to win and willing to pay. You've got the muscle, I've got the knowledge. It's not that difficult. You can either look to me, or look at the lights.
My name is Barry Horowitz. And I'm here to help."
Chris: Ahahaha – Barry would mark out for this. But that's about it I think. I think it would die deader than anything.
Matt: YES. This is how you use older names, bring them in to assist the new guys. And a manager role is one of the best ways to do it. Ok, Barry O as the manager in question might not be the best choice, at least from the WWE's point of view (I'd sure as hell mark out though), but replace Barry's name (and some editing) with, oh, Rotundo or Brad Armstrong or any of half a dozen older guys and you've got the makings of a good thing.
And then, finally, we have BlackSheepMP, and an idea sort of in between the last two.
Come in from commercial back to ECW to find Kelly in a locker room stripping and giving Test a lap dance. "Hey man, thanks for inviting me. This is one helluva show!!!" comes in from off-screen. Camera pans over and surprise….it's Albert! Kelly moves over to him and starts to grind on him some. He tosses another beer over to Test. "Man, nothing better than watchin some T&A with a cold beer" Kelly, with her back to the camera, tosses her top over to Test. Then they hear some noises outside, "It's Mike," Kelly freaks and hides in a locker while Test and Albert try to act cool. Knox comes in and asks if they have seen Kelly and of course they say no. There are a couple of times where Knox almost opens up the locker Kelly is hiding in "Damn it, I've got a match with the Sandman next and I can't find Kelly"….. Over the next few weeks Albert comes to the ring with Test, interfering in matches with Dreamer, Sabu and RVD. Knox faces the Sandman a few times, Sandman seems to be more interested in drinking beer and watching Kelly dance. Every time he has Knox down Sandman goes to the outside over to Kelly and she obliges with some stripping before Knox comes around to break things up. And more locker room stripping/hide and seek sessions with Test and Albert. Albert starts asking why Test puts up with Knox, if Kelly wants to strip for them then screw Knox, Albert wants Kelly to do her thing. Test says just chill, Knox is his partner, he'll talk to him. Then one week Knox is scheduled for a match with CM Punk. Going into the commercial break we see Knox tearing backstage apart, trying to find Kelly, into the break. The show starts back up with CM Punk already in the ring, Knox's music plays but no Knox. The ref waits a while, motions for the bell and starts counting to 10. Punk wins by countout. Styles cuts in, "One of our cameramen saw Knox run out of the building in a rage and is following him. Let's go ‘live'". We see Knox outside the arena running up to a seedy-looking bar. The bouncer tries to stop Knox but Knox barely slows down, leveling him with a punch before he kicks the door open. The camera pans over to a small stage where Kelly is stripping. Knox jumps on stage and tries to cover Kelly up when he gets jumped from behind by ‘patrons' wearing hoodies. It's Albert and Sandman. "Oh My Gawd" from Joey. The duo just demolish Knox using everything at hand, pool cues, beer mugs, wooden chairs etc…
The next week starts with Test in the ring calling out Albert. Test wants answers for last week. Albert starts talking about how Test has changed…he used to be a beer-drinking fun-loving guy but now he is too worried about hurting Knox's feeling to have fun. Suddenly Albert lunges and Test jumps out of the way. But Albert wasn't going for Test; instead he was stopping a cane from the Sandman, who had snuck up behind Test and tried to hit him from behind. Albert tears the cane away from the Sandman as Test recovers his composure a bit. Albert-"Hey, that's not nice, hitting someone from behind like that." Test-"Thanks, for a second there I thought you were going after me." Albert turns to Test-"That's okay, I just wanted you to see it coming" and unloads a hellacious cane shot over Test's head, shattering the bamboo. Knox runs in with Kelly beside him but when he gets up onto the apron Kelly pulls his feet out and he lands face first on the apron. Albert and the Sandman proceed to unload a keg-o-whoopass on the two before walking to the back with Kelly.
Chris: As much as I think someone like Albert might work out well in the new ECW, Giant Bernard as he's being called right now in NJPW is main eventing. He's not coming back to do a mid-card feud right now. He's going to wait until Vince pays him bigger bucks.
Matt: Very ECW-ish. That could be an insult or a compliment. But I do like this idea, even if it is a little too shades-of-grey for me, and I like shades-of-grey. But still, good idea.
As for the rest, there were votes for New Jack, La Parka, Matt Morgan, Sid Vicious, Rico, D'Lo Brown, Chris Kanyon (!), Ron Simmons, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, Ted DiBiase, Slick, Nikita Koloff and Arn Anderson (turning on Flair in a very nice twist).
And now, *horns go off* our ideas!
Matt: Right now, there's a vacant Women's Title belt. You need 8 women for a tourney. You have Lita, Mickie, Victoria, Maria, Torrie, Candice. Now, add in say Jazz as an ECW invader, you're still down one. So, my idea involves a woman from the past. The tourney goes down like this. Mickie James stops the ECW Invasion in its tracks, beating Jazz in the opening round. Victoria goes over Torrie, Maria upsets Lita (thanks to Cena and Edge, Edge speaking Lita by mistake) and then Torrie comes out, to her TBA opponent, who is introduced as the "All American Girl". Comes out in full head to toe red white and blue outfit and mask, although long term fans should know who it is by the concept. The woman totally dismantles Torrie.
Next round, Mickie goes over Victoria while the AAG again squishes Maria like a bug. And then in the final (possibly in some gimmicky match at Cyber Sunday if this has been drawn out one match per week), AAG cheats to win the belt, and then unmasks. And it's Medusa. Next night on Raw, show a highlight package of Medusa's career (focusing more on the shadier things, the Dangerous Alliance, the trash can, Team Madness, the Cruiserweight reign etcetc). She then cuts a promo about how threw that title in the trash in protest at how the Women's Division was seen as a joke. She was proud when she saw women like Victoria, Jazz, Molly, Lita fight for it, and make it mean something again. And then she sees the Raw Diva Search. She sees Trish Stratus act like she's the greatest woman ever and then retire with the belt, not defend like she should. And worst, she sees an ‘Insane Wannabe' like Mickie James be accepted by the fans. Cue James run in. You go from there, Medusa putting Mickie over, using Medusa as the vet/trainer, and then maybe doing Medusa/Trish later on if Trish returns fast enough.
Chris: Most of the time I'm not up for the use of older talent, but here goes. One, maybe Booker should bring in his brother to be a court jester – who couldn't use a little Fruit Booty action right now?
But more seriously…
I would do an old-name resurgence in ECW. I know that Vince wants his "new vision" to come through, but there is a tailor-made angle waiting for the old guys to show up and kick some ass. Sure – they can even lose and disappear again, but there is a butt-load of names out there that they could bring in to pop ratings once and a while.
And I think that no name out there would pop an ECW crowd, especially in the Hammerstein than New Jack.
No special angle needed, just have Natural Born Thrillaz hit, and have Jack hit the ring and take out Test, Knox, Holly and Striker. Fans go home happy.
Matt: Another Concept Bites The Dust. So, what's next?
Survivor Series has a rumoured Raw vs. SD vs. ECW match – book an idea for this match, including rules, participants and finish.
Remember, you should send your booking concepts, to the combined Fink's Payload Email, finkspayload@gmail.com. And you too can get on 411!
