News From Cook's Corner 09.28.06
Posted by Steve Cook on 09.28.2006
You won't want to miss the first 10 minutes of this column!
Hi, hello and welcome to the Corner! There are many weeks where I have to apologize in advance for having nothing to talk about because it's a slow news week. This is not one of them. In fact, there's way too much that's gone on in the last week for me to talk about, and since everybody with an Internet connection has already spoken on it, there isn't really much more that I can add. I will do my best to lend my…unique perspective though, so stay tuned.
But before all of that………WHO-DEY! WHO-DEY! WHO-DEY THINK GONNA BEAT DEM BENGALS?
I got an e-mail from Alabama about the Bengals on Monday morning. You have no idea how much that warmed my heart. There is still some room left on the Bengal Bandwagon if you guys want to jump aboard…first drink's on me!
The Cook Regime suffered their first defeat this week thanks to many byes. I got two wins over our old friend Penguin and Southern Comfort finally won a game too, so all in all it was a good football weekend.
So I had given up on baseball a few weeks ago, right? The Reds had lost a bunch of games out west and revealed themselves as the mediocre team they are. I thought St. Louis was going to keep their lead in the Central…it wasn't that they were all that good, but nobody else was stepping up to them. Apparently the Cardinals decided that they really didn't want to win the division a week or so ago, because now they've lost 7 in a row. The Astros (who didn't do jack shit until September) are 1.5 games back after winning 7 in a row, and somehow the Reds are only 2.5 games back. This is all before Wednesday's games, by the way. Seriously, this is the worst I've seen the NL Central since it was formed in 1994. It's really a shame one of these teams actually gets to go to the playoffs. Maybe they could let Philly & LA go instead? They'd deserve it more.
Man, this Terrell Owens stuff is fucked up. I will say that I've had experience recently with people having problems due to a bad reaction to pain medication after a surgery, and before the person was taken to the hospital they really weren't in a good mood. So I believe the story that the T.O. camp is telling. There is the slight possibility that it actually was an attempted suicide, but considering Bill Parcells had already said that Owens' body was reacting poorly to the pain medication before he was taken to the hospital Tuesday night, I believe that the pain medication was giving him problems, and when you're in that kind of pain you can have suicidal thoughts without acting on it, or you can be so out of it that you can be saying things that make absolutely no sense or you don't mean to say. One thing's for sure…ESPN sure had a lot of fun dragging it out for hours on end, didn't they?
I'm waiting for the outrage over the NFL letting him play football in the future. Anyone?
Oh, and one last thing before we dive into the news...
2 more days, Danielson! 2 more days before your reign of terror as ROH Champion ends! All hail Kamala, Foot Soldier of The Cook Regime! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kurt Angle Signs with TNA. I did not see this coming.
I'll admit it…they completely fooled me. I did not expect Kurt Angle to ever be appearing in a TNA ring, but it's going to happen. Angle has signed a non-exclusive deal with TNA that will allow him to seek MMA matches, something that Angle's camp has indicated is in the cards for him. Without spoiling any future events between now and TNA's next PPV, Bound For Glory, Angle will be appearing at that show in a non-wrestling capacity. It should be noted that as stated in the press release from Angle's agent last week, Angle is back with his wife and kids. Angle is currently not going to rehab, but he is seeing a doctor on "pain management".
Here is Angle's official statement on his signing with TNA:
"Being with TNA feels like I have finally found my home. I had fun in WWE at certain times, but I was never really happy. Now being a part of TNA, I know I have a purpose. I feel like I am part of history, part of a company that is not only on the rise – not only going to be the number-one watched wrestling show in the world within a short period of time – but TNA gives me an opportunity to spread my wings. This company has no limits to where it can go. The sky is the limit and the main reason is because they brought the "real" back into wrestling and that is a perfect fit for the greatest wrestler in USA Olympic history. I have room to grow here and to help TNA grow. Working for these caring and very giving employers of TNA makes me feel like I have a purpose and that the sky is the limit. I don't feel trapped or held back like I did the first six years in my tenure with the other company. They held me back. Now, our wonderful audience will see the real Kurt Angle doing what I love to do – real wrestling – and that's what puts a smile on my face each time I come to work. I even smile when I think about it. TNA will be the most watched television show on cable television. It's only a matter of time. Now, I get the opportunity and privilege of being a part of it. Thank you TNA for saving my career, my life and my desire to do what I love. I will be here in some capacity for the rest of my life. That's real…that's damn real."
Certainly, Angle is saying all the right things and from all accounts including that press release from last week, he seems to be happy since departing WWE. His family is behind him, his new employers are promoting him as the new face of TNA-stop me if you've heard that one before-and he says he has more freedom to do what he really wants to do.
That hasn't stopped a good number of you from making funeral arrangements. I'm going to talk a little more about that later, but let me explain my stance here. You might remember me previously saying that I hoped Angle would not return to wrestling. I stand behind my statements then, but I'm not going to act surprised that he will wrestle again before the year ends. And I'm not going to say that Kurt Angle should have retired like I said he should. I make suggestions to a lot of people, but really, people have no obligation to take my advice on anything. If Kurt Angle still wants to wrestle, and do it for TNA, that's his prerogative. I'm not going to say that he's wrong to do it, or worry about the consequences. Angle knows the possible consequences better than any of us ever could. He's an athlete, he knows how tough it is to wrestle, and he has accepted the risks because wrestling, whether it's worked or not, is what he loves to do.
And honestly, I'm going to watch anyway. If that makes me a hypocrite, so be it. I've been called a lot worse.
When will I be watching?
Almost forgotten in the midst of the Angle hoopla is the fact that TNA Impact will be moving to 9:00 on Thursday nights starting November 16th. One would have to assume that the acquisition of Kurt Angle played a role in Spike TV's decision here, which is just one reason why TNA's decision to bring him in was a total no-brainer.
If Kurt Angle's had this much impact on 411 traffic, I have to figure some of that will rub off on the all-important TNA RATINGS~! More importantly, it will be so awesome watching Earl, Office and then Impact…like a slice of heaven without the coke and strippers.
Russo Returns
I touched on this briefly in my blog entry last week…Vince Russo is now serving as TNA's head writer, working with Jeff Jarrett & Dutch Mantell. Scott D'Amore, Mike Tenay & Jeremy Borash are now free to resume their roles previous to being on the creative team…whether or not that's keeping the hot tub warm for JT, I'm not sure.
The one thing I don't quite get about this is that Russo's probably the last guy you want booking a show that's being advertised with a focus on the wrestling matches and not storylines. I'm not saying the other guys TNA have had could do it any better, but Vinnie Ru isn't exactly known for having shows with lots of 5 moon matches. Matches with 5 people mooning the audience, maybe.
Lots of mixed reactions on this one, varying from talent misused by the last regime dancing in the street to Jim Cornette shoving his tennis racket up King Kong's ass. I'm willing to give Russo a chance because TNA needs their show freshened up, but there is a possibility that we could end up with Russo fathering So Cal Val's child or something interesting like that. We shall see.
JBL's gone. No he's not.
Apparently JBL was set to leave WWE after the No Mercy PPV, which set all the Internet fans into a tizzy. You know, everybody wanted him fired two and a half years ago after the Nazi nonsense. I find things like this amusing. Anyway, things were worked out and JBL will be staying. Apparently the problem was that working with WWE was taking too much time away from JBL's new job on Wall Street. So it was agreed that JBL could use the McMahon jet to fly into wherever Smackdown's being held and he'll only spend a few hours on Tuesday working for them. It's really great work if you can get it. Why do you think I only write here once a week?
I write a lot more about JBL in Hidden Highlights this week…and in related news Stephen Randle is a washed-up hack that doesn't have it anymore. What?
Speaking of JBL, he will be interviewing Eric Bischoff today at 3 PM on WWE.com. That should be interesting. I hope JBL asks Eric the question I've always wondered about: "Kimberly Page…what was that like?"
Yay, another "Hogan Farewell Tour"
Seriously, this guy has more Farewell Tours than Mark Martin. What the hell? Anyway, the Pukester wants to have his retirement match (hahahahahahahahahaha) against the Big Show at WrestleMania 23. I'd love to see him try to slam Big Show…Show's really going to have to work on his cardio to be able to get up for that without breaking both of Hogan's hips.
No word yet on if Brooke Hogan will sing America The Beautiful for the show, or if she'll still have a music career by April.
ECW Injuries
Danny Basham tore a bicep at the September 10th ECW house show and will be out until April 2007. Joining Doug Basham as part of Paul Heyman's security team is Derrick Neikirk, a DSW wrestler that was scheduled to come up to ECW as part of a tag team with Ryan O'Reilly until O'Reilly failed a Wellness test. Could be worse, at least he's not on Al Qadea's hit list.
Hardcore Holly got 24 stitches in his back after suplexing Rob Van Dam through a table on ECW's TV show Tuesday night. Holly's just the kind of guy that if he had any kind of luck it would be no luck at all. No wonder he's such a sourpuss. He will be out of action for at least 10 days, which is how long it will take for the stitches to be removed. His recent problem with infections will probably keep him out a bit longer.
Haas & Benjamin reuniting?
There has been talk of putting Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin back together as a tag team. Sounds good to me, Benjamin's doing jack shit and Haas is teaming with Viscera, which is probably worse than doing jack shit.
In news that should be surprising to nobody, Shelton doesn't get much of a push because his promo skills are very poor. Yeah, I'm shocked too.
Kid Kash released by WWE
Usually this bit of news would make me happy because I have no use for the guy, but I had to talk about him and Jamie Noble for the positivity debate and now my comments will look totally outdated. Kid Kash even manages to annoy me by getting fired. That takes true talent right there.
But hey, Smackdown managed to sign that MVP guy I know nothing about yesterday, so they've got that going for them. I guess.
Am I the only one who hates family reunions?
Probably not, but WWE is holding one anyway on October 9th. Raw will be 3 hours that night and feature stars from Smackdown & ECW along with the usual Raw people. This probably isn't the worst idea in the world, since their Homecoming show popped a good rating that boosted Raw's ratings for several months until they started tailing off recently. And yes, it does show how they don't care about Smackdown, but who didn't already know that anyway?
One can only assume the major drawing card for the show will be the return of the McMahon bitches to television. I realize that's probably not the best way to refer to them, but all the other good names for them have already been taken.
Larry Zbyszko writing an auto-biography
There is no truth to the rumor that the title is "Stalling For Dummies".
Wrestling Society X lives!
Talent with contracts to this start-up promotion potentially airing on MTV at some point in the future have been told to make themselves available on November 11th & 12th. Speculation is that is when WSX will hold their first set of tapings in Los Angeles. In case you forgot (I had), talent involved with this includes Teddy Hart, Sean Waltman, Jack Evans, Matt Sydal, and Vampiro.
Interesting Stat of the Week
It has cost $23,048,000 to fund John Cena's new movie. I'm sure there are plenty of better ways to spend 23 million than making a bad movie starring John Cena. Ah, who am I kidding…they'd spend it all trying to bring in old washed up guys to feud with DX.
Future Wrestling Trivia Question: What was the lowest rated segment in the history of WWE Smackdown?
If you guessed Matt Hardy vs. Gregory Helms on September 15th, you are correct! Somewhere, Larry Csonka is crying.
Rikishi gets arrested
The $64,000 question…did anybody have the balls to do anything when he dropped the soap?
Plugs
Lots of Angle related columns out there…Dunn, Sullivan & O'Dog all present their takes. We also have a Showcase Commentary that ranks as one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read, so go check that out.
Csonka always has an opinion. I told him I was going out to Wendy's once, and he wrote 10,000 words about his trip to Wendy's with his Uncle Cletus and his favorite things to eat there.
Clark talks about Josh Mathews. He still has a job? Who knew?
Meehan's roodypoo team will be the next to fall to the Cincinnati Bengal juggernaut. And we're really shaking in our boots over a rookie running back. Ooooooooooooooooooooh.
Next week, Randle's gonna die. Until then you can read Hidden Highlights and just imagine how much better it would be if it wasn't co-written by a schmuck who doesn't appreciate The Office. If only I was aware of this before getting him hired…
Ari brings the ROH goodness. I got some DVDs from their website during their 10 dollar sale, including Night of the Champions, where Samoa Joe won the ROH title from Xavier, the Second City Saints united against Raven, and Julius Smokes cut one of the most hilarious promos I've ever seen. Good times. And hopefully Ari forgives me for sending Kamala after Danielson...it had to be done.
Williams was becoming one of my peeps, but now he's gone and messed up his Top 10 Female Wrestlers list. No Traci Brooks? I am OUTRAGED, good sir! OUTRAGED!
"Right now as I type, thousands of TNA fans are going to bed dreaming about their Olympic Hero going one-on-one with their favorite TNA wrestler: AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Christopher Daniels, et cetera. Right now, thousands of Angle fans are dreaming about seeing their favorite wrestler ever return to primetime. Me? I'm trying my hardest to stay awake because I know the nightmares that awake me when I drift away."
"To me this is a spit in the face to the WWE, after all the E has givin Angle, this is how he repays him...I just hope they use him badly, and Angle realizes that he just made a big mistake..."
"Seriously Yes this is big news I wont say its not but Seriously what is your problem Angle. Look guys you all say that he will be fine he can only wrestle 3-4 matches a month, But what was it after he came back from his 30 day suspension and like in his first match back pulls his groin or whatever. Angle is messed beyond belief if the WWE would fire him over it. And it was the WWE that said to him Dude you need help and Angle denied it said he didnt have any problems so you think that now TNA threw all this money at him he is gonna think in his problem he is probably thinking Fuck WWE they said I had a problem and needed help but now TNA wants me The UFC president says he wants me well then if these peaple all want me I must have no problem at all so do you actually think he is gonna clean himself up or be like fuck them Im fine TNA wants me Im Wrestling Good For Me I never needed any hep whats WWE's problem. Well the WWE is right now Angle will go down the same path he has gone down before without a welness program hurt himself again and not wanna fuck up his oppurtunity in TNA hide it with pain killers and be even more addicted just so he can say " Hey WWE look what you did for firing me Fuck you Im Fine" even though he is really not. I jsut dont wanna come on like one day and read that Angle died in some hotel room. I like Angle and dont want to see him dead or ruin his kids lives cause they dont have a daddy. Angle WWE wanted to help you when you needed help and you just spit in there face spit in the face of a company that made you and cares about your well being. Fuck you Kurt Angle You needed help and TNA was not the place to get it!"
"its terrible to say but in this way he wont be around for much longer"
"Im actually pissed he did this and lost a lot of respect for him and Fuck you TNA the man needs help and all you care about is competing with WWE so you sign him up right away! Ray was right if Vince did what TNA did you would all say that he is an asshole and doesnt care about his talent and only cares about his big paycheque. Well Vince may be an ass But he saw Angle was broken down and needed help it seems to be that Vince cared about Angle THe Father the Husband and he didnt wanna see him dead. Fuck TNA what a horrible comany yes he is a big star and he may even boost your ratings into the 2 area but Its on your hands now when you gotta report to the World that you found Angle Dead in a hotel room and god I hope that never ever happens and I hope it doesnt if it does TNA then kurt angles blood is on your hands!"
"I started out this column disgusted and I still am, but more and more, I am scared down to my very being."
"Yes Yes I Did. Im seriosuly flat out pissed what TNA did and Pissed at all of you that applaud this if you all really gave a shit about Angle you would get over your little mark out for him Vs Samoa Joe and realize he needed help instead you can wait to see him in TNA where we will end up hurting himself and killing himself even more."
"How so now his odds are better that he wont kill himself. IT TAKES ONE MATCH FOR HIM TO HURT HIMSELF! not tell anyone because he wants to prove WWE wrong take more pain killers hurt himself more take more painkillers. It doesnt matter that he is only working 50 matches in a year It takes one Second to hurt himself!"
"Oh it's true, it's damn true, Kurt Angle will die within the next 2 years. I'm not a sadist. I don't wish ill will on Angle. In truth, I love Kurt Angle and everything he has brought to the table for professional and amateur wrestling. But at the end of the day, he was released for a reason: to save him. TNA just put a nail in his coffin."
"The death of one is a tragedy, but death of a million is just a statistic." – Marilyn Manson
It occurs to me that professional wrestling can stir many emotions within people. That's part of what makes it so great…but sometimes it works up people way too much. I won't fault people for taking wrestling seriously, but there comes a time when you need to realize that wrestling is a business. More importantly than that, it's a way for people to make a living. Every single person who gets into it needs to know the risks. The ones that don't, well usually they'll disappear the first time they get an injury in the ring.
Pain is part of the game. Your favorite wrestler is going to suffer through a hell of a lot of pain before they retire. They know that. They accept that risk in order to go out there and put on a show for you, the wrestling fan. If they can accept that risk, there's no reason that we can't.
Mick Foley is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. I'll admit that I don't like to see him coming back time after time since his "retirement". He should be able to make a living through his books, and it's not like he blew all of his wrestling money on strippers and drugs like many of his peers. But you know what? I'll still watch his matches. Sure, I'll cringe when he takes bumps, but no more than I cringe when anybody else takes the same bumps. Foley knows what he's getting into, and he's accepted the possibility of injury, paralysis, or anything else that can happen to him out there.
Wrestlers should be allowed to make their own decisions. If one of them decides to go to WWE from the indies, who are we to tell them "You sold out!" If one of them decides to go overseas to pursue their craft, should we tie them to a lamppost and keep them from going away? If somebody who lives and breathes professional wrestling wants to continue to wrestle despite the fact that he isn't in the best physical condition…who are we to stop him? And why should we get all worked up about how it's so wrong when said wrestler has already made the decision?
I've seen a lot of people invoke the name of Eddie Guerrero when talking about Kurt Angle's current situation. I was a big fan of Eddie Guerrero, and I bought one of the memorial t-shirts so the money could go to his family. But I have to say this…Eddie Guerrero's death is no more tragic than the death of anybody else that has perished over the past year. People die all the time. You might die tomorrow walking across the street. I might drink too much whiskey and OD. Eddie Guerrero happened to die due to his previous drug usage. He's not the first person to die because of drugs, and he sure as hell isn't going to be the last. That's a fact.
I don't see people getting all worked up like this over the genocide in Darfur (It's in the Sudan, for those of you not paying attention to world news). 400,000 people have died there in the last three years because of no reason other than their ethnicity. Where is the outrage?
Iraq is on the path to civil war. US soldiers are dying every day. The Taliban is rising again in Afghanistan because the people who drove them out of power decided to focus their attention somewhere it didn't need to be. Al Qaeda is gaining more strength in both places than they had before 9/11. Where is the outrage?
The US Government is torturing a number of their prisoners. Torture is against the law…until they figure out a way to change that law. Where is the outrage?
I'm not even scratching the surface here. There are so many terrible things going on in the world today that aren't receiving the same level of outrage as Kurt Angle deciding to wrestle is. It's goddamn pathetic. Some of you guys need to open your eyes and take a look at the world around you. Soon enough you'll realize that there's stuff going on that's a hell of a lot worse than one man deciding to extend his wrestling career despite some wear and tear on his body. Stuff that's really worth being scared about.
I know the vast majority of you don't need me to tell you that. This is for the people that just don't get it. The people who Marilyn Manson was talking about in that song I quoted up there, who get all bent out of shape over the death of one, but just don't care about the deaths of many.
And I do apologize for some of the quotes used…really, it would have been way too much work to edit some of that stuff.
Thank you all for reading, and I shall return next week. Take it easy.
