Truth B Told 9.28.06: September Call-ups
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 09.28.2006
Wrestling starts opening up it’s roster like Lita opens her legs...all month long.
Around this time of the year baseball teams expand their rosters in time for that big playoff push. Unless you're the Seattle Mariners, then you just open it up to see what fine young prospects you have down on the farm…then trade them away for Heathcliff Slocumb, Mike Timlin, or Eduardo Perez. Well wrestling doesn't have a "Playoffs" so to speak, but it looks like we've seen at least a few call ups of sorts happening. Whether it's the unproven commodity of a ‘rookie' or a ‘veteran role player' getting another look, there is some moving and shaking going on, and if you're not careful, you might just miss an ‘Hero' or two getting a new full-time gig. So let's take a look at the September call-ups and their effect on the roster. Keep in mind that for someone to make this list they had to have debuted in September:
WWE
The Miz
HOOO-RAH!! Or rather HOOO-CARES?? The ‘Miz' is basically a heel who doesn't know he's a heel yet. I love that character usually, but the problem is that while he plays the annoying cocky young heel very well, he's absolute ‘shits' in the ring. In my opinion anyways, others say he's passable, but I don't know. Right now the guy seems to be a better fit with ‘Idol' Stevens than KC James does…maybe KC and JWY? Either way, he's at least a decent lower/mid-card ‘heel' right now, but no one I'd expect to light the world ablaze. At least there is a chance if he's wrestling more he'll be…*checks wrist band* talking less.
Baseball Equivalent: 4th outfielder.
Jimmy Wang Yang
Kinda hard to judge here because while he'll be debuting in September, I won't get the chance to actually see him till October. Such is life in ‘Primetime'. From the looks of it, this guy is going to get a shot in the cruiserweight division, which is good, because all of the cruiserweights are now either in the tag team division or…Funaki and Scotty 2 Hottie. Right now the CW Champ is fighting mid-card heavyweights. What the hell is that all about? Well you all know my feelings on the gimmick so I'll focus on the potential. Right now I could imagine JWY might get a run with the CW title, but then again, I thought Jamie Noble and Spanky would too, he also might eventually team w/ another redneck and get a tag run. Either way, Jimmy Yang as a performer can perform in the ring, but still blows more spots than necessary and in my opinion is in the middle of the CW division in terms of real talent. Spanky, London, Noble, and Helms still are a step ahead of him. Either way, at least it's more CW fodder right? So long as his little anti-asian rants are kept at a limit that is. Or should I say, as rong as they are rimited? Stupid Ass. *This just in, I read the spoilers for tomorrow and….ahahahahahhahahaha*
Baseball Equivalent: Utility Infielder.
On the Horizon
Cryme Tyme
So far I'm starting to like the skits a little more each week. Sure it's stereotypical, and sure I think that the ‘E' sent out a message using the word "parody" to basically feel like they are absolved of any scrutiny caused by the possible message that these vignettes are sending out, but there is a small part of me that just loves seeing white folks get beat down. I dunno, probably that residual anger from my ancestors over the ‘unofficial' colonization of the Philippines, but regardless…rich white folks gettin' the boot put to them…who can't enjoy that right? Either way, tag team wrestling is dead on RAW. Why else is Flair going through each of the tag champs one by one (before Doane eventually destroys him), and why did DX just beat the entire division in one match? Eh, that being said, they'll probably take the belts off the Spirit Squad so that'll make me happy. Plus, I don't wanna see a bunch of kids in the ‘burbs goin' around tryin' to ‘C walk' saying, "Money Money…Yeah, yeah".
Marty Jannetty
Uh… "great addition" and "better wrestler than The Miz" are two totally different things. Its like being happy that your girlfriend only guys who were waaay better looking and richer than you, than with the guy working the take out window at Burger King. "You fucked WHO??...Chad…oh…yeah, that guy is ripped…plus, have you seen that guy's Benz??" While he's mainly here to help teach these kids how to wrestle, it's not like he's been all that active on the scene lately right? If anything he'll teach them the basics, which is a good thing, however he's not the guy to help them cut any promos anytime soon, plus the guy could teach guys how to really tell a story in the ring by selling right. "So when you take the kick…make sure you totally clear the barbershop window ok?"
Brad Armstrong
Color me unimpressed. Sure he was a competent hand when I remember him from WCW, but the guy is middle aged. He's not a wrestler anymore he's a trainer. If used as such, this is a good idea, especially considering how much guys like Lashley and Birchall had benefited from the mentoring, but for me nothing about "Buzzkill" says much more than trainer and Ken Kennedy's jobber………..jobber.
Rodney Mack
Man, what makes me think he'll either manager or join Cryme Tyme? Then again, if Shelton keeps up with his new angle, maybe he'll form Nation of Domination 2K6. But, you know, even in his first tour of duty with the "e" he was a passable big man. If JTG and Shad can work an offense like Mack then he's done his job. Either way I'd be willing to "Back the Mack" when he comes on board.
Henry O. Godwin
So lemme get this straight, this is just for HHH can get his revenge for that slop match right? Is H.O.G. going to manage Cade and Murdoch? Why do I see this culminating in a Greased H.O.G. match between Cade/Murdoch and DX? Something tells me that even the winner loses that match.
ECW
Shannon Moore
Rumor has it in order to counter CM Punk's "Anaconda Vice" Moore will debut his new submission move, the ‘Tickle me Emo". 6 weeks worth of promos for him to job to CM Punk in less time combined than it takes him to spike his Mohawk. How sad. Moore has zero credibility right now and without a second title, I can't see how he'll possibly be relevant. I haven't seen something so hyped up fall so flat from disappointment since my friend Tom told me about his first sexual experience at camp….Boy Scout camp. "Uh….wait, are you sure there's such thing as a Tea Bagging badge?"
He has ‘French tickled' his way up to mid-card status on ECW. Which has to count for something right? Kind of like being the first WCW Hardcore champion. Or winning the ‘hot wing' eating contest at fat camp. I'm not sure what the ‘e' is doing. Basically dumping RAW's lower card heels into ECW to become mid-card heels. It seems like ECW is getting more sloppy seconds than Matt Hardy lately. So far his vignettes have totaled more time than his matches have…I mean his one match….that he won….with a roll up…after outside interference….from a vampire. I'm not sure what you can do with this guy because nothing has ever impressed me about this guy no matter where he was wrestling, on the bright side he's only like 23 so who knows, the sky is the limit for him. Whoops, I mean, this GUY'S the limit. Of gay.
This guy is like 40 something now right? I mean, I can't imagine ‘high flyers' age well in the wrestling world, kinda like running backs in the NFL…or 80's child actors. This guy was basically ‘Jeff Hardy' before Jeff Hardy was Jeff Hardy. In more ways than one…if ya know what I *puff puff* mean…*wink wink nudge nudge*. Sure he is another good hand to have, in ECW presumably, but you know as much as he was a big part of ECW in it's heyday, I can't see him having much in the tank. Really, besides RVD, who can still run at full tilt who was in the original ECW? And don't say Sabu because the man will be paralyzed or dead by 2008 at the rate he's going. Logic dictates that after your first ‘tribute/benefit' show, you should go ahead and retire. But you know, he could still help put over a guy like CM Punk or even Shannon Moore if need be, I just don't share the same enthusiasm as everyone else. Maybe its because I generally worry about guys past the age of 39 returning to active duty. Or maybe its because I was hoping he'd come back as Flash Funk and claim to be Terry Funk's bastard mulatto child. Tell me that would spike buy rates.
TNA
Vince Russo
It's a borderline call I know, but that's why I make the big bucks. At my real job…not here, I'm only paid in college credit and sexual favors. And by sexual favors I mean party favors shaped like male and female genitalia. No, I am NOT blowing into that ‘harmonica'. To be fair, how long do you think Russo can keep himself behind the scenes and out of the spotlight? The man loves to be part of the product, a little too much in my opinion. Right now anything is worth a try as the booking has been in a rut as of late, it'll be interesting to see where TNA goes here, but you know Russo has limited power now that he's in a committee so as long as he and JJ don't conspire to keep the belt on Jarrett then hopefully things will be okay.
Baseball Equivalent: New Team Manager.
Kurt F'n Angle
Should he take a year off and rest? Sure. But what would he have done for money? You can't ask a man who is used to working, a man who is goal and achievement oriented, a man who is fueled and drive by competition to just sit at home. The alternative is MMA or going back to the WWE where he'd face the same grueling schedule. In TNA he'll work probably 3 or 4 matches a month tops in one place. He'll only have to be on a plane really 3 times a month and something tells me it'll be 1st class. The difference is that he'll also be working with guys who will end up taking the big bumps in his matches, something he didn't have when working with such ‘untouchables' as HBK, HHH, Stone Cold, and Hulk Hogan. As dangerous people say it is for Angle to return to the ring, under the circumstances his new schedule should be pretty light. Besides, this is probably one of the biggest defects that TNA could have hoped for…short of a Rock n' Sock reunion. Then again…who knows. Basically TNA just bought themselves an ace in the hole.
Baseball Equivalent: Ace pitcher (think Francisco Liriano)
On The Horizon
Austin Starr
Austin Ari…I mean Starr has talent, no doubt about it. The man has been an RoH legend, rivaling the 4 Fathers of RoH. I've seen his gimmick in PWG, probably a testing ground as PWG incorporates a lot of comedy and characters into their product, and to be honest, it might get over. He's basically Macho Man/Rick Rude/Rob Conway in one…but is that really bad company? Well Conway…but lets just pretend I didn't mention him okay? With TNA trying to really gives their X-Division stars more of a personality I see this as another step, I'm fairly certain if history holds true, the X-Division will not just be getting some more "Starr Power" but also a new champ not too long after BFG. If nothing else, he'll be one of the Top 5 workers in the X-division…which is pretty sick when you think about it. Imagine and Ultimate X with Christopher Daniels, AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Homicide, Austin Starr, Alex Shelley, Petey Williams, Low Ki, Chris Sabin, Jay Lethal, and Sonjay Dutt. You have a semi right now don't ya?
RoH
Kings of Wrestling: Claudio Castagnoli/Chris Hero
While Claudio has been a permanent member of the RoH roster for sometime, Chris Hero was only assumed to be an "Invading CZW" non-roster member. With the KoW winning the prestigious RoH tag belts they have now officially become a permanent team on the roster. September is also the first time these guys have worked as a tag team in RoH after having been a very successful team in CZW and CHIKARA. Taking the titles off the most dominant tag team in RoH history their first time facing them is quite a feet. In fact the Tag Belts were almost as prestigious as the World Title. As PWG regulars I've seen these guys evolve into one of the Top 3 teams on the Indy circuit in my opinion, possibly the World….ok, U.S. clearly RoH doesn't build paper champs and they don't do short title reigns so expect them to battle teams like the Briscoe Brothers, Irish Airborne, Second City Saints, Havana Pitbulls and many more in potential classic matches. Not much to not like about these guys as they could easily move on to bigger more televised companies in the near future.
Baseball Equivalent: Middle of the Line up sluggers
Shane Hagadorn
I hear this guy was a pretty decent RoH student. He's now officially lost his ‘student' moniker as he is now a permanent member of the roster. Albeit as Adam Pierce's newest ‘assistant'. I hope that doesn't mean intern because Pierce looks like the kinda guy that likes cigars and….let's not even think about that okay? Pierce is one of the few really ‘throwback' kinda wrestlers in RoH and I like his old school approach. Having Hagadorn as his second can only help to establish him as a big player in RoH. While I've heard that Hagadorn is at least competent in the ring, from what I've heard and what little I've seen he's been fairly solid, but not spectacular. Either way it seems RoH is fairly high on this kid and as one of the first real homegrown talents it'll be interesting to see what kinda run he'll have.
Baseball Equivalent: Pinch Runner
The Truth
Well maybe the call-ups in wrestling aren't quite as exciting as they are in baseball. I blame the fact that people collect baseball cards much more than they do wrestling cards. Then again, back in the day I remember holding onto my Greg Jeffries caries in anticipation of him becoming the next Cal Ripken Jr. only for him to become the next Billy Ripken. I'm not sure what a Jimmy Wang Yang or Shane Hagadorn card would go for now a days. My guess is, not much unless the gum in the pack was still good. Right now it looks like RoH and TNA have done the most for themselves. RoH has brought in new tag team champs they have done pretty well for themselves, if it wasn't for TNA pulling out a Royal Flush, they probably would be winning the race hands down. For the "e's" effort they have brought in a slew of new wrestlers but if you were to ask the average wrestling fan if you'd rather have Kurt Angle or JWY, Rene Dupree, Shannon Moore, and The Miz…my guess is Angle. He trumps everyone else debuting or redebuting based on not only his in-ring ability but everything else he brings to the table in terms of legitimacy and promo work. Right now TNA has done the most they can to make them a legitimate ‘contender' to the WWE and while they'll never truly threaten to run them out of business, I'm sure Vince may be TiVO'ing a new show on Thursday nights soon. Right now it looks like TNA is gearing up for a ‘playoff' of their own in their new timeslot, RoH is trying to keep their roster fresh for a winning team and the WWE is just finding new ways to spend their cash…"Money Money, Yeah Yeah".
Coming Up Short
Mike Knox we hardly knew ye. That's the next roadkill on CM Punk's road to the ECW TV Title. Yeah, it'll be back soon and I'm sure WWECW will want to anoint it with the guy that is appearing to be the real ‘new face' of ECW. They let him go through Shannon Moore and now Mike Knox, oh it'll happen, just you wait. Punk is becoming the eraser for bad gimmicks now in ECW and I kinda like that. Only problem is, you're spending time and money building up guys only to have one guy job them out lickity split. Now while I'm all for Punk getting a title in ECW, which ever it is, I'm just wondering if perhaps having him go over some other older stars first would be a better idea. His not really there feud with Justin Credible was useless, Stevie Richards could have been interesting, but didn't materialize and it's clear he'll get his shot at Sabu, RVD, Big Show and Sandman. But then what? Test? Shannon...no. Mike Kn....no...well what about Rene Dupree?? Yeah, so far that's it, Rene Dupree. Someone build a new star quick because as it stands after Test gets suspended a 5th time for violating the "wellness program" ECW is going to be the old jobbers, the new jobbers, and CM Punk. And that, my friends would be leaving the ECW roster short.
6 Degrees of…
Matthew Sforcina knows that just like Texas, you don't mess with TBT.
Had to think about who to pick, since after all I know I don't want to piss you off.
I could legit chose myself you know. Since there are a few ways to get from me to other forms of entertainement (I can be linked to Jesus, Carlito's Bodyguard or Super Dragon in 2 degrees, or Aussie TV due to my work experience at Good News Week). But I won't.
One end, the WWE end, has to be my Goddess, Victoria. Who else could I choose, really? Feel free to use one of the pictures in the ES I did on her, or several, or tell me and I'll pick one. Or several.
But the other end...that's a tough one. That's where I could piss you off. So, I'll go with one of your tenants, and pick a porn star. And to make REALLY sure you like it, I'll take a legend, an icon, a really really...small star. Kobe Tai. I wonder where she is right now?
Well apparently Kobe has "retired" from the ol' corn holing and facial business and settled down to raise her only child. Apparently she can also be found in the Devil's Playground, aka myspace. Yes…Tom is in fact the devil… but just to confirm that, someone see if he's on Vince's Top 8. Funny enough Kobe Tai is Japanese/Chinese, but born in Taipei, Taiwan and adopted by an American family in Arkansas when she was a baby. Oh I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to humanize porn stars am I? Oh…I mean, she's a naughty dirty girl who loves it when you Pack it in tight and will ‘rove you rong time'. There, is that better? Don't wanna break porn kayfabe. Well anyhow, I'm sure Massive Matt Q wouldn't mind linking himself between those two classy ladies but it's up to you, the TBT readers to find best way to link these two… and no a double headed dildo is not an option. Perverts.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Wow, mixed bag this week. Maybe TBT is provoking a little too much thought for it's own good, well just like Vinny Mac, sometimes TBT likes to create it's own controversy just for the ratings:
I do not read your column very often, thats not a slight on you, its
just that I don't read the columns often.
Today I did read you column where touch on Jimmy Yang's gimmick being offensive.
Based upon the comments in your email one could assume that you are asian. I bet a lot of your readers assumed that. But I also took the time to look at your name, Bayani Domingo. That led me to re-evaluate I have now assumed that you are filipino.
Let me start by saying that if you are not filipino but are actually asian (chinese, vietnamese, korean, japanese, etc.) then I am sorry for sending this email.
If you are a pinoy then I will say that it is the attitude of yours that you are asain that is helping degrade and erode the filipino culture, at least here in north america.
We filipinos are not asian. It is easy to see that tagalog has many words from spanish, but do you know that the rest of the language can trace its roots to the austronesian languages that spread across south east asia and the pacific reaching as far west as madagascar and as far east as hawaii?
Filipinos are not brothers of the Japanese and Chinese they are brothers of Malaysians, Hawaiians and Samoans. Being filipino is not about tuner cars and anime. Just because we have "asian eyes" if you will and white people are too stupid and ignorant to know the differences does not mean that we should just submit and allow them to lump us all together.
Black carribeans and black africans differentiate between each other, they have seperate cultures and different cultural groups on university campuses (for example African Student's Union and Carribean Student's Union) just as Filipinos should be proud of the fact that they are pacific islanders and not asians.
Thanks for your time to read this. Your column was full of great humour and I enjoyed it much, I hope you enjoyed this diatribe as well.
Sincerely,
Drew Dwyer
Before you even ask, yes, I did reply to Drew Dwyer and ask him about his oh so Filipino name… I guess he's mustezo (half Filipino) so that's okay. At first I was wondering about the last name and the fact I've never known a Pinoy named ‘Drew'. Its like if Ari over at the Column of Honor got anti-Semitic hate mail from some guy who signed it Hiram Goldstein. Any who… as I pointed out to Drew, I'm actually Filipino/Korean, so I AM in fact Asian. Or Asian Pacific Islander to be exact, or API to be lazy. To be fair, even if I was full Filipino I would identify as being Filipino first, Asian second, and American 3rd. I don't see a problem with identifying yourself as "Asian" in that you identify with other Asian cultures, in my case, I'm half Korean, but my girlfriend is Vietnamese/Chinese, and before you ask, yes there is a difference, and never…..EVER tell a Vietnamese person (especially a sociology major) that there isn't a difference. Do I know what the difference is? No, but there apparently is one. Well Filipinos are basically Chinese people who got on an island and were ‘colonized' by the Spanish, so there you go, we are part "Asian" after all. Trust me, I would jump on someone in a heart beat if they tried to say "all Asians are the same" because every Asian culture is very very different and has their own rich culture, heritage, and social interactions…except Cambodians. Damn dirty Cambodians. Yeah, I'm talkin' to YOU Senshi. Anyways, I have a lot of pride in my Pinoy side and including myself in a larger culture isn't a knock on it, but rather me accepting my mom, my girlfriends, and friends as part of my life and my consciousness. So the short of it is, I COULD call myself Asian Pacific Islander American…or, be lazy. Asian works fine for me…so long as people realize Asian is an area, not a real country. Although if it was…the capital better not be Cambodia. Oh and another thing, I happen to love Anime, Boba, and Karaoke…sue me.
Charles deck must have never seen Jerry Lewis:
I agree with you that the promos are slightly racist. But don't you think that since he is supposed to be a redneck from the south he should also be racist. I know that this must be true since people like you think all people from the south are racist. I have just two questions for you, would a white wrestler impersonating an asian be racist. Funny, I don't think you would think so. Why are minorities always the ones complaining about something being racist? Yet they are openly racist against white people. An example you say, all black colleges,now doesn't that seem a little like segragation to you. Maybe just a little bit, huh.
Uh…ok. As a "redneck" maybe his character IS supposed to be racist, but then again they could call his finisher the "Burning Cross" Face Crippler. I am surprised that I got a "people like you" comment as we don't know each other too well, but I like to think that once you've read my column like 20 or so times you get an idea. Yes, I even do the "…" thing a lot in real life, which is weird, but you'll just have to see it for yourself. I use finger motions…just a sharp stabbing motion with my index finger…but I digress. Actually I don't think most people from the South are racist, I KNOW at least a decent number are. That includes anywhere in the South. Like California, seriously, I've heard more anti-latino comments and remarks here than in a JBL commentated match. But to answer your first question, a white person impersonating an Asian is VERY racist. Jerry Lewis was infamous for this, SNL and Mad TV (Ms. Swan) do this all the time. But you know, that's not just an Asian thing, because if a comedian or sit com used an actor in a scene where he was doing "black face" the network would probably receive so many calls it would crash the phone lines. Then again, SNL and Mad TV get out of this because they say they are "parodying" stereotypes. Much like the "e" is doing. Then again, last time I checked WWE wasn't a comedy/sketch show. So really, what's their excuse? To answer the second question, minorities complain about racism because racism affects minorities. I find it funny to hear the word reverse racism because it is so very rare. Your example of using a "Historically Black College" is laughable because "all black colleges" don't exist. No college can discriminate based on race, in fact places like Howard University, Grambling State, Alcorn, Clark Atlanta, etc all have admitted non-black students. To be fair, these weren't created to keep whites out, but to allow some place for black students to get an education that were being prejudiced against. I mean, c'mon Chuck, you've got ever other damn college in the country to go to, are you really telling me that Jackson State is your one and only hope? Can't you let a brutha have ONE or…a hundred lousy colleges out of a thousand or so?? Must you really have everything?? "Hey, you can't come to my college, go make your own…hey, you got your own college..now let me in". Besides, there is really no such thing as an all Asian college either…well maybe UCLA. Funny how even if a certain race has access to 99% of everything in the country, they still want that extra 1%. I can't really think of any place else where white folks aren't allowed in because they are white. I don't wanna even HEAR about affirmative actions because it was about "opportunity" and not "special treatment". Most companies were opposed to it, abused and perverted it from its original intent, then used it as a scapegoat to create negative publicity for it to get it abolished. Basically a great idea with horrible execution and administration. But that's the long argument. I guess the short one is…we've earned the right to be a little racist. Yeah, I said it. Payback bitches!!
On a lighter note Floyd Hartlett got some ideas for new gimmick matches:
Here are my ideas for new gimmick matches, that I will
also place on the forums.
TLC in a Cell match
Twenty-foot cell with a belt hanging from the top. Have to escape the cell, climb to the top (there are chairs inside the cage and tables outside on the floor) and take a ladder from the roof. Bring it down into the cell, climb it and take the belt. Plenty of bumps, or none if WWE has its evil shit way.
First Fart match
Candice is annoyed at Maria because she bought her some beans for her birthday. Therefore, after twenty matches in a best of 21 series, the blow-off match is literally that. They have to eat loads of beans then hit each other with cannonballs in the stomach with a microphone stuck up their rectums until one of them says the magic word.
I can't be bothered to explain the rest, so here's just a list of them and you can decide for yourselves.
Suck My Beard match
I'm Brian match
Your Mother's Tampons match
Chopsticks in the Mouth to Look Like a Walrus match
Bullet In The Head match, between Hardcore Holly and New Jack (hopefully it ends in a draw)
Cunt match
Ok, I ran out of ideas. Bye.
Floyd…uh….ok. I fear that by the time you are reading this Floyd already has his first interview with Brian Gerwitz. Although the "Cunt Match" has promise, but it all depends on the participants and what they put into it.
Rich C wants to talk Kurt Angle...who doesn't?
I think this is a great move for Kurt. We all knew he couldn't do whats best and rest his body for 6 months, so going to the relaxed TNA has to be the next best thing. Kurt should immediately become the top draw and if TNA follows its recent pattern its only a matter of time before he is jobbing out to Double J. All kidding aside though, while Kurt is an exceptional wrestler I believe he would have been killed if he had stepped into a MMA ring. Look no further then the Puder situation where I truly believe that Kurt was taken by surprise and under estimated Puder. Say what you will about pro wrestling but we all can agree that for the most part its controlled. Matches are scripted and both wrestlers usually have communication throughout the match but in MMA its kill or be killed. Years in the WWE might have dulled Kurt's killer instinct just enough. Hopefully Kurt can get his life back together and return to his top form.
Now I do have a question/thought. Whats to say that this entire Angle situation wasn't a work proposed by Vinny Mac? Think about it for a second. The E has suffered since the demise of WCW. No Monday night wars to drive ratings and without a true competitor, interest in wrestling (at least ratings wise) has dropped a bit. Kurt is one of the WWE's biggest stars and yes its known he has "wellness" issues. Add the fact that the hectic schedule Kurt has had over the past 6 years and everyone could see Kurt was headed down the same road as Eddie Guerrero. Vince offers Kurt a way out and everyone benefits. Vince gets rid of the self destructing Angle while giving his main competitor a named star to build upon. Vince gets some publicity and has his name mentioned on TNA tv. TNA gets that main stream name recognition and has a wrestling machine to build around. Joe Vs Angle or AJ vs Angle could be 30 minutes of gold and dare I say Must See TV. And for Kurt, well Kurt gets the most. He doesn't have to work 200 days a year, still make his money and avoid dying in a MMA ring. The best part of all this is that in 2 years I am sure we will see Kurt (teaming with Brock Lesner) return to the WWE returning to Main Event glory.
If anything, Vince is one of the smartest men in professional wrestling.
First things first, Kurt Angle will be the TNA champ by Spring time. He is exactly what TNA needs and is one of the top 5 guys right now without stepping a foot into the ring. He'll be rested, he'll be well paid, and he'll be doing something he loves. Think about it, how can you keep a man away from the thing that he derives the most pleasure out of in the world, competition. It's like using the V-chip to block the porn channel in the 411 staff break room. Inhuman. Now while i think this would make for a great conspiracy theory down the road, I kinda doubt that Vince, Kurt, and TNA all planned this out. This does however have Rumsfeld written ALL over it. Sneaky bastard. If Kurt and Brock both end up back in the WWE in two years, that's pretty damn sad, because that means that they haven't built enough stars to tide them over. I'm just sayin' the time is RIPE for a slow build to a 2007 Mitch WWE title reign. Oh and Vince isn't the smartest man in professional wrestling, he's just the richest. And he gets that way by duping the stupidest men in professional wrestling, us fans. Hell, someone had to buy those $300 replica spinner belts right?
6 Degrees Results
Sad, just sad really.
Honorable Mention
Rich C, last weeks' winner, sent in a try with his degree this week, slow week for 6DO so I figured…what the hey:
Here is the answer I came up with for reference.
Steve Irwin Croc Hunter to The Midnight Rider
Irwin to Eddie Murphy via Dr Doolittle 2
Murphy to Samual L Jackson via Coming to America
Jackson to Rock via SNL
Rock to Triple HHH via Feud
HHH to Ric Flair via Evolution
Flair To Dusty Rhodes (AKA the midnight rider) via NWA title match
Interesting, the Midnight Rider to the Crocodile Hunter with a whole lot of Dark Chocolate in the center. Umm… yeah, let's just move on shall we?
#3
No one.
#2
ME again. I guess having to do my own ‘6 degrees' for lack of willing participants is a lot like your average 411 columnist's sex life… I mean Wednesday columnist's sex life (you know who you are).
1. The Midnight rider is only half way to being Knight Rider.
2. Knight Rider starred the infallible voice of the future Mr. Feeni from Boy Meets World.
3. Boy Meets World featured the character ‘Topanga' played by a girl who looked like a young Tawny Kitaen.
4. Tawny Kitaen once beat the shit out of her husband Chuck Finley, a former pitcher for the California Angels.
5. Chuck Finely looked like a lil' bitch after that episode, Elton John penned the song, "The Bitch is back" along with other songs such as "Crocodile Rock".
6. The crocodiles are STILL pissed off at the Devil Rays for ‘offing' Steve Irwin after they had ‘dibs' on doing the deed for years of abuse that guy had dished out on them. Their ultimate plan to suplex him, put him in the Crocodile Clutch, break his back, THEN fuck him in ass and make him humble was for not.
#1.
Mark Satrang is quickly becoming the Jeff Jarrett of ‘6 Degrees', take that for what you will:
B-
Ahh...six degrees, the perfect way to waste time during work on a Thursday...
Midnight Rider to Steve Irwin
1-Irwin's crocidile feeding while holding his newborn baby Bob has been compared to Michael Jackson's dangling his son out of a motel window...
2-Jackson married Elvis' only child, Lisa Marie Presley in the mid-'90s...
3-Pressley is a follower of the Church of Scientology and was introduced to it by John Travolta...
4-Travolta was the bad guy in the 2004 Punisher movie. One of the baddies he hired to take The Punisher was played by Kevin Nash...
5-Nash had many on again/off again on-air fueds and partnerships with Randy Savage during their tenure in WCW, most notably trading the WCW World Title in the summer of 1999...
6-Savage and Dusty Rhodes had a notable fued with each other in the WWF in 1990...
Yep, another cheap win from Mark, who is becoming the "King of Attrition". The Undisputed King of Undisputed 6 Degrees. All Hail King Mark!! I think at this point he will end up feuding with Greg Pryor, Vaughn Swift, and Chen Arbel over who will have to kiss his feet. Scary thought, I just hope he has an Englishman and an Irishman to back him up. Either way, you won…again Mark. Quickly racking up titles like Ric Flair racks up underaged waitresses in "IHOPs" across this great nation. I mean…title…like he racks up titles. Well next week you pick 1 person/object/former member of the band Journey. I pick the other. Which …I'll give you a hint, does NOT rhyme with the name Rex Rovett.
Left Overs…
Kurt Angle does not have a time table on his in-ring debut in TNA. Some say that he's still resting up from injuries, some say they are waiting to clear the feud with Sting and JJ before he returns, others say that TNA is waiting to debut him in prime time. My best guess is that he's still trying to figure out how to get his win back from his loss to Billy Kidman 4 years ago. Seriously you don't think Kidman was at Impact just to "visit" do you?
JR's comments on TNA were great, because clearly when he says that most of the wrestlers are pretty good and will end up in the WWE anyways the man speaks from experience. Just look at the great names that the WWE has ‘stolen' from TNA: Frankie Kazarian, Kid Kash, Shannon Moore, Triton (OVW), … yeah, definitely worth 1 measly Olympic hero.
Ron "The Truth" Killings and Lance Hoyt lose the tag team gauntlet and will probably go their separate ways. Depriving us of one of the best tag team names in TNA history: Truth Hoyts.
In random news no one but maybe 4 people will care about, at the latest Empire Wrestling Federation show loyal TBT reader Matt Flash debuted, losing to either Ron Kilborn, or Donkey Lips from "Salute your Shorts", couldn't tell which one, and Mike Arsenal picks up his first win against Santiago. Benito Santiago? No clue. Either way, congratulations guys, EWF is fast becoming one of the Top 10 Indy feds on the entire West Coast...of Southern California....with the word "Empire" in the name.
Rikishi was arrested this week after he failed to show in court on a previous charge. My sources tell me that he was arrested for disorderly conduct and public drunkenness after he was caught stumbling around and mutter, "I did the same damn thing...only he runs full speed at them with his ass".
With Russo back I'm sure we'll get the return of the super stable in TNA. In WCW we had the "Natural Born Thrillas", "Millionaire Club", and "nWo", his last TNA run gave us S.E.X. who is it this time? My guess is he forms the most righteous stable of Christian wrestlers ever assembled. AJ Styles, Sting, and David Young. I didn't know Young was that religious or a man of prayer, but rumor has it he's constantly on his knees backstage ...and it has something to do with him still being employed.
Bagwell and Luger are at the IMPACT! Which means someplace somewhere there is at least a kilo of crack somewhere left unattended in a Motel 6.
Rene Dupree's promo on ECW was a little puzzling. First he comes out of the shower to talk about how XXXtreme he is, then he does what I'm sure plenty of women have done to him in the past, looked down at his package and chuckled. The real question is… why the hell was he showering at the arena in the first place? He didn't even wrestle. Who the hell just goes to a show just to take a shower?? In unrelated news Pat Patterson was backstage at the show and was said to have reeked of Irish Spring.
Larry Zbyszko is writing an autobiography entitled "Adventures in Larryland," also due out is Scott Hall's book, "Wasting Away in Margaritaville".
Steiner workin' on longer deal to come back to TNA and I for one am thrilled to see the "biggest arms in the world" back in the fold. As part of the deal some details are being worked out including travel reimbursement, PPV fees, and an X-Division wrestler to help him wipe his ass.
Shelton playin' the race card again, and it was actually a fairly compelling segment until Jeff Hardly ‘Sober' shows up to wigger it up a bit. coach was just about to comment on how RAW currently has 5 Black men on the roster, and Shelton was going to point out that 4 of them are Viscera.
After giving his notice to the company Vince bargained hard to keep JBL on board. JBL will now receive a weekly ride on Vince's jet and his daughter as part of the agreement.
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Is it just me or do all the hot bitches always seem to hang out where it's windy?
WSX is telling their guys to be ready in November for two days of tapings. Some of the wrestlers that are under contract to Wrestling Society X are: Teddy Hart, Sean Waltman, Jack Evans, Matt Sydal, and Vampiro. Seems like an odd mix but recently when asked if he is still a "high flyer" Waltman responded, "hell yeah I am, how do you think I got to the TV tapings so relaxed".
Carlito threw out the first pitch at the Detroit Tigers vs Toronto Blues Jays game yesterday. How Carlito is anyway related to baseball is beyond me. Its like Lita throwing out the first condom at the St. Mary's abstinence drive.
On 10/10 ECW will feature "Diva Strip Poker" to counter Spike TV's UFC special. So instead of sitting at home and seeing guys beat the shit out of each other on TV, guys can turn the channel and beat off to the shit on their TV. Nice.
BONUS Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
That's not the ‘pearl necklace' I would have given her...but it's okay I guess.
Pimpin' In High Places
411 is positively bursting at the seams with the rich creamy wrestling goodness that you crave so much. *Note, any sexual innuendos you felt might have been implied by that last sentence are 100% intended*:
JD tells you to break out the Kleenex, but not to dry your eyes, but in anticipation for all those wet dream matches Angle is gonna have in TNA.
Ask 411 needs your help in tracking down Headbanger ‘Thrasher'…I bet he owes Clarke money or something.
S4Cena talks about the Women's title…which is simply a thinly veiled reason for spending 18 paragraphs talking evo scheme women's title
Hayhurst might just need to the "Cunt Match" to EWR.
Gamble tries to kill the WWF. He should know he's stepping on the creative team's toes.
Sully looks into Kurt Angle's ball. No wait...that doesn't sound right, I'm sure there's a "crystal" somewhere in that sentence.
Csonka goes Broadway...wait, that still doesn't sound right. Well he takes on Broadway...no wait....nevermind.
Jules picks his top 10 wrasslin' females. Good list...almost as good as the one I did a few months ago....almost. Although mine didn't feature the tit-anic contributions of Sable...so shame on me.
Andy wants to shave Josh Matthews, and I'm all for it. Oh...wait a second...there's no H there....oh...well that's just ridiculous then.
Newby #47 brings you his Angle on Kurt...Angle. I think his name is Hamster or something...Hamsteak...HamFlettio? no clue.
The Royal Court brings you more odds and ends. I wonder which one of these guys is the black dude with the crown and which is the Irish dude with the stick.
I wonder if JT/JP thought of making a sign for Smackdown that says "My Wang is a hidden highlight"....Yeee HAW!!!
It looks like Ari got his Rosh Hashanah ruined by the Kings of Wrestling's win. Oh well, at least you still got Festivus to look forward to. That's a Jewish holiday right?
To be honest, I'm not even really paying attention to baseball this year even though I'm usually a big fan. Why? I'm from Seattle. ‘Nuff said. Well tune in next week as we take a look at the "Main Event Scene Situation" around the big 5 brands. Yes, I'll even consider RoH a ‘MESS'. *checks inside ‘rib' scorecard, TBT 1, CoH 0* Then again, maybe I'll even sneak in a quick pick at my own in-town Indy Fed, PWG. I mean, what's the point of writing your own column if you can't use it to further your own agenda right? Riiiiight? *btw, Hi Mom, Go Seahawks, vote no on Schwarzenegger, carpool, congrats Sheila and Marco, Congrats "Dr" Matt, vote 4 Randle, go Puka tribe, Hi Michelle/Da Filipino Embassy/the A-hole who just HAD to mention the "Madden curse"/PWG Ring Crew XXXpress, and say Nope to Dope* As I was sayin', unbiased journalism is the cornerstone of 411.
