News From Cook's Corner 10.12.06
Posted by Steve Cook on 10.12.2006
I couldn't get anybody to show up for "News From Cook's Corner Strip Poker"...well, JT wanted to play but I wouldn't allow it.
Congratulations to Stephen Randle for winning the Great Positivity Debate Finals by the slimmest of margins over me. We here at the Corner wish him the best of luck in his contest against Prag & Thomlison. Because while Randle and myself might have our differences, I still want to see somebody knock Team Hidden Highlights down a notch. Some egos around here are getting a little too big for their britches, and here's hoping that the Canadian Idiot can do something to make them humble.
I can afford to be a gracious loser because I beat him in Fantasy Football last week. Had I lost that as well, the beginning of this column might have had a different tone.
Thanks to all of you who voted for me, and for those of you that didn't...well, your punishment will be having to read more of me! In the last week I've added Ask 411 Wrestling & the OVW/HWA Recap Extravaganza to my workload, so you can check me out there as well. Clarke's given me enough questions for a few columns, but I will be needing more once I run out of those, so go on and send them in. And read the Extravaganza for the lame jokes and tomfoolery that got me here to begin with.
And for further punishment......
Only my fanbase would prefer Bea Arthur over Scarlett Johannson. I'm not sure what that says about them.
Doesn't seem like there's a whole lot going on this week. Depending on how much work I have to put into these other columns, the quality of this one might go down. I know, I know...it's tough to go down from "barely comprehensible", but I'm working on it. Today's column also features the very first CHIKARA Podcast-A-Go-Go recap anywhere in the universe! I assume nobody else is recapping it, of course.
Here's the news!
Psicosis goes crazy...well, with a name like that you had to see this one coming.
The Smackdown talent was arrested Monday night in Rosarita Beach for assault and carjacking. Basically (and of course since we still believe in "innocent until proven guilty" most of this info is alleged), he asked to borrow somebody's car, and when they refused, Psicosis pulled a gun (later revealed to be a water gun) on him and stole the car. This led to one of those police chases where they eventually caught him after he hit several cars, including one with a pregnant woman in it. She ended up being OK. WWE likely did not find out about this until yesterday, so as of right now no action has been taken towards him.
Considering creative had nothing for Psicosis to do before this happened, I don't really like the chances of him remaining employed. Unless, of course, they decide to pair him with Cryme Tyme.
Workers "embarassed" by ECW show that aired Tuesday night
PWInsider reports that wrestlers backstage at the Smackdown/ECW tapings Tuesday night were not happy with how the ECW show that aired on Sci Fi came off, especially the "extreme strip poker" segments. They apparently thought it was "embarassing". I didn't watch most of the ECW show Tuesday night because we taped the UFC show and watched Boston Legal while switching over to ECW during the commercials...unfortunately since the person I was with is a CM Punk mark I had to watch all of that match and missed about 30 seconds of BL. Yeah, the strip poker segments I saw looked stupid, but really, what did people expect from them? Advertising "extreme strip poker" kinda tells you what kind of crowd WWE's trying to draw these days...teenage boys without access to porn and too dumb to know that they won't actually get to see some boobs.
The irony in a company apologizing for William Regal's penis appearing on PPV for less than a second advertising strip poker all over the same web site the apology appears on is just off the charts. These workers just better hope that the strip poker nonsense didn't actually pop a high rating, or they'll just have to get ready to be embarassed over the product on a regular basis.
(This Just In: ECW ratings went up to 1.8 from a 1.7 last week, though that mostly has to do with the 2.0 overrun. Does that really mean anything? No, which is why I try not to talk about ratings very often. Though it is tempting to talk about how the Raw Family Reunion ratings had to be disappointing for WWE, especially considering I don't have that much to talk about...meh, I won't.)
The wrestling match of the night Tuesday had to be Denny Crane squashing "Chief" Alan Shore in 4 seconds. And people wonder why I want him to be President...
More Freebirds on WWE Creative can only be a good thing, right?
The ascension of Michael Hayes to head writer for Smackdown opened Hayes' old slot, and it has been filled by a former tag team parter of his, Jimmy "Jam" Garvin. Garvin was part of the second version of the Freebirds that appeared in WCW in the late 80s and early 90s. I don't really know much about Garvin's perspective towards wrestling or if he has a mind for the business, but certainly he's got to know more than a failed sitcom writer.
The real question I have here is if he's still with Precious.
ECW added to Smackdown's tour of Italy
Members of the two brands will be appearing in Italy from November 9-November 11. Notable ECW names officially booked include Rob Van Dam, Hardcore Holly, Sandman, CM Punk, Mike Knox & Matt Striker. Italy has been a hot wrestling market for the last couple of years, so one should expect these shows to do pretty good business for WWE.
As for you folks in Australia, WWE will apparently not be returning there until November 2007. Promoter Paul Dainty doesn't want to burn out the area by having WWE come too often, and WWE has balked at the idea of doing television tapings there due to increased production costs.
Bret Hart interested in working with Kurt Angle?
The Hitman did a radio interview in Ireland where he stated that he would be interested in working with TNA if he could do something constructive with Kurt Angle. Hart has spoken very well of Angle in the past, putting him over as the best in-ring performer in this day and age, so this shouldn't be very surprising. He also mentioned he hasn't spoken with Vince McMahon since the Hall of Fame ceremony. My guess is that Bret knows that Survivor Series is coming up soon and it's in Montreal, so he's had his phone number changed so Vince can't call him.
Bret is working on his auto-biography, and right now is working on cutting it down from over 1,000 pages to 500. Man, a thousand pages. I don't think I could write an interesting ten page auto-biography, forget about a thousand pages.
New Deals for the Boogey Man & Kevin Nash!
I think Boogey sets a record for "shortest firing from WWE", as he has been re-signed and will be training at King Booker's wrestling school in Houston, Texas.
Kevin Nash has re-signed with TNA after a brief departure, and will be resuming his role as X-Division antagonist while not wrestling for quite awhile. I have no problem with this at all.
Marty Jannetty fired by WWE
In related news, the sky is blue, the Pope is Catholic, and the Steelers suck.
Survivor Series Main Event Kinda Spoiled!
All you non-spoiler peeps go ahead and scroll down to the next bold item right now, the main event will be discussed in the middle of the large blank space...
The three team main event is being advertised in Philadelphia as a Raw vs. Smackdown vs. ECW 9 man match. The teams are listed on the commercial as follows:
Raw:
Wigger
Jesus Freak
God
Smackdown:
Dreadlocks
Mask
El Steroido
ECW:
Fatty
Pothead #1
Pothead #2
However, it should be pointed out that Dave Meltzer is said to be reporting that "Mask" will be taking time off after the Raw/Smackdown Supershow this weekend in order to have long-needed knee surgery. Apparently he will be facing Chavo Guerrero in an "I Quit" match where the loser has to leave Smackdown. But, like the teams listed above, that is just a rumor.
So where is Kane going now that he is gone from Raw?
Exactly where you think he's going. No, not the unemployment line. But before he goes where you think he's going, he will go on a "long hiatus". So don't expect him to show up for at least the next 2 weeks.
Spurrier enjoys Raw, mascot too much of a pussy to show up
South Carolina Head Ball Coach Steve Spurrier goes way back with Ric Flair, so he had a good time at Raw Monday night. This explains Flair's preference for the Florida Gators back when Spurrier was coaching, but the real question here is why the mascot didn't show up. Is he too cool to show up to a wrestling show? Steve Spurrier went to the show, is the mascot better than Steve Spurrier? I don't think so, Tim.
Harry Smith pulled off the road
Apparently WWE Creative has nothing for the son of Davey Boy Smith to do. Gee golly, why am I not surprised? Maybe they're just going to keep him on ice until that next season of Hogan Knows Best starts, then he can make his appearance as Brooke Hogan's "boyfriend". Woo hoo!
Speaking of Brooke Hogan, does anybody know who posed for that FHM pictorial? Because it certainly couldn't have been Brooke Hogan.
Ken Shamrock retires from UFC
The UFC Hall of Famer announced his retirement Tuesday night in Hollywood, Florida just after losing to Tito Ortiz for the third time. Shamrock will go down in history as one of the people that helped put MMA on the map in the 1990s, and arguably being the first fighter to achieve mainstream popularity. With Shamrock's retirement from UFC, the speculation is already starting on where he will go next, and one option that has been mentioned is a possible return to TNA. A matchup with Shamrock & Kurt Angle could be quite the draw for TNA, and Shamrock was the first NWA Champion during TNA's ownership of the title. It could be just a rumor that never amounts to anything, but it's something interesting to think about...
I said earlier that I don't like to talk about ratings, but the Ortiz/Shamrock fight scored a 3.1 rating on Spike TV, shattering their previous records on the network. The fight itself, which aired in the final quarter hour of the two hour show, got a rating of 4.3. This ties the overrun of the Raw Family Reunion show, so one could say that UFC is as big a deal as WWE is on television, and a bigger deal on pay per view. In America.
TNA X Division Champion Challenges John Cena...unfortunately it's not Senshi
Funny moment on ESPN2's Cold Pizza Tuesday, as John Cena's interview was interrupted by White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski walking onto the set with the X Division title belt that TNA gave him last year. He challenged Cena to a title vs. title steel cage match, but unfortunately Cena did not accept. A.J. has a height and weight advantage, but judging on his fighting skills shown on the baseball diamond, I'd have to give the edge to Cena. Now, if A.J. had Ozzie Guillen in his corner, that would change everything.
Jose Gonzalez honored by the Puerto Rican government?
The long-time Puerto Rican wrestler is about to retire after an upcoming match with Savio Vega, and Manuel Gonzalez reports that the government of Puerto Rico honored him on Tuesday in a ceremony held at their capital building. I'm all for wrestlers receiving recognition, but Gonzalez is the man who killed Bruiser Brody, and he deserves to be in jail a lot more than he deserves respect from the Puerto Rican government or anybody else. Not to mention that he's recreating the Brody incident in his retirement angle by having Savio stab him with a fork in the shower. A disgusting angle created by a disgusting human being.
Yeah, Puerto Rico isn't exactly on my list of places to visit before I die.
Sullivan updates you on OVW through the last month. Gee, there's somebody who started recapping that show because he gets it in Cincinnati now...I wonder who that could be?
Williams lists his top 10 John Cena matches. Don't worry, Julian, I'm sure our teenage girl readers will love you for it.
What's that? We have no teenage girl readers? Well damn, I guess you're S.O.L...and you know what that means! Ha Ha Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Hamflett reviews Death of WCW. Great book, the author's a really good guy too.
O'Dog is on point with his discussion about latter-day WWE.
Triple Threat doesn't like Necro Butcher? I am disappointed.
Hidden Highlights won't be the same without a bi-weekly dosage of the Cook Regime, that's for sure.
Dunn posted this in the Fan Forum, and I thought I'd share it with you guys...MyHeritage does this deal where you can put a picture of yourself on there and it will tell you what celebrities you look like.
I only mention this because I apparently look like George Clooney if he didn't take good care of himself. I think he was voted the sexiest man alive at some point, so obviously that means that I am the Sexiest Wrestling Writer Alive.
Not that I'm going to post a picture of myself for you jackals...but really, if you look hard enough around the Net you can find some old ones. Just know that I look like George Clooney, and hopefully that does something for the ladies out there. YEAH! *thumbs up*
Chikara Podcast-A-Go-Go Episode 29 Recap
We open with "Lightning" Mike Quackenbush & Wiggly exiting the elevator. Wiggly puts over Elex Plumbing and mentions how popular their mention on the Daily Buzz was. We're still working on Night 2 of Young Lions Cup IV from Hellertown, PA, and our first clip is......
Retail Dragon vs. Ice Cream Jr.
Retail Dragon is just coming off a double shift at Walmart, so you know he's pissed. Ice Cream Jr. wears red pleather similar to the ring attire of Chris Hamrick and has an ice cream cone sticking out of his mask. Mexican 360 backbreaker by Junior, then he goes outside and starts looking under the ring for something....he finds a bag! He gets back in the ring and fumbles around with the bag for a minute, subduing Dragon with a poke to the eye. Oh shit, it's SPRINKLES! ICE CREAM JR. HAS SPRINKLES AND HE'S SPREADING THEM ACROSS THE RING! He tries a powerbomb onto the sprinkles, but Dragon slips out and hits the Rollback Driver! Dragon up top, tries a Dragon Rana but Junior catches him, turns around, AND POWERBOMBS HIM INTO THE SPRINKLES! That's a 3 count! The fans chant "Holy Shoot!" My God, I've never seen anything like this in my life! A powerbomb on sprinkles! That's insane!
Quackenbush has a copy of Pro Wrestling Illustrated's PWI 500 issue, and mentions that 21 CHIKARA wrestlers have made the list this year, including Cheech & Cloudy, who are in the next clip...
Cloudy vs. Cheech
This is the final sequence of a 6-Man elimination match, the other competitors are not mentioned or listed. They go back to their ROH days and shake hands. Lots of counterwrestling here because these guys know each other so well, having trained together and wrestled together in countless Northeast indy promotions. The first move not countered is a backslide by Cloudy, which gets 2. Schoolboy by Cheech gets 2. Flying knee by Cheech takes Cloudy down. Cloudy barely kicks out at 2 on that one. Cheech apologizes, then chops Cloudy to shreds. Into the corner, Cloudy goes up top and Cheech goes shoulderfirst into the ring post. Cloudy tries a Yoshitonic, Cheech reverses into a Gory Special, Cloudy gets out, but then Cheech pumphandle suplexes him onto his back. Punches back and forth, Cheech knees him, puts him up in a Canadian backbreaker position, then drops him face first onto his knee! He calls it the Deluxe, and it's enough for the victory!
Quackenbush puts over Cheech and then they plug all their shit. Wiggly has 19 podcasts going on, CHIKARA has a website, Smart Mark Video has their videos, Wiggly also has a Pink Floyd tribute tribute band.
Final Thoughts: The wrestling action was solid, but we needed a fun promo to get the full CHIKARA goodness. That, or Larry Sweeney.
