Double M’s Rasslin’ Report 10.14.06
Posted by Michael Melchor on 10.14.2006
WWE should apologize instead for treating us like idiots.
I'll play the nine and you play the target; you all know my name so I guess I'll just start it. Heya and welcome to the weekend.
After last week, I realized that discussing other things (not so much my personal life, but other events aside from rasslin') helps me a LOT in getting this thing out each week. I'll be dead honest about it – wrestling is damn near boring. On all fronts. The TV shows (especially Raw) all seem to run together as the same show ("Family Reunions" notwithstanding), and the "news" is mostly given to us in carefully supplied corporate doses. I'm not going to get into a rant here, because there's a-whole-nother column about it in the gestation stages. (If you want any hints, read this.)
Regardless, it's taking a little work nowadays to make this interesting. So, why do I do it? Because wrestling is a fandom that will never completely die; If I haven't turned away from it by now, I never will. Besides, I gave a certain pair of editors – The Homicide to my Hernandez and My Favorite Writer™ – my word that I'd be here as needed until I no longer was. That time hasn't come yet, so here I am.
Wow, that got to be quite a bit longer than I wanted it to be. And all to explain why I've decided to incorporate discussion about other events at the beginning of a wrestling column.
We touched last week on Anna Nicole Smith and not knowing who her baby daddy is. Now her mom is on Nancy Grace (who I still can't fucking stand) saying that Anna Nicole's son (and thereby her grandson), Daniel, was murdered. Interesting theory with the medication (and an apparent 28 years experience as a police officer – who'da thunk it?) and all, but there's a slight problem with that claim. The most important aspect of the heart of any crime is, "Who stands to gain what from it?" The answers here seem to be no one and nothing, unless you come to the conclusions of "Anna Nicole's mama" and "gloaming off of her daughter's publicity." Then it all makes sense. Am I sorry she lost a grandson? Sure I am, but don't drop that kind of claim on national TV without some hard evidence, and right now, there is none. Oh, and 10 binus shame points for Nancy Grace for letting it on her show, although that doesn't surprise me at all.
Condolences go out to the family and friends of Cory Lidle. Although I'm not even a baseball fan (much less a Yankees fan), for them this has to feel like us losing Owen Hart. His twin brother, Kevin, lives about 2 1/2 hours away in Lakeland (about 50 miles south of Orlando) where Cory also had a home. Local station WFTV was covering that story when one of their on-the-spot reporters made the observation that, "Friends and neighbors here in Lakeland, where [Cory] Lidle owned a home, are grieving right along with him." Ummm...
Oh, and I think this fucking dickhead needs to be beaned with a baseball. Lit on fire. In the mouth. While being covered with honey and tied to a bed of fire ants. Who just had their mound stomped in. For starters.
Okay, this has gone on long enough. It's Rasslin' time!
Okay, This Is Boring – What Else Is There To Read?
The two main pimps were already done above, but there's more since Cook's Corner is becoming required reading each week, even for a guy who's interest in wrestling is in an extended waning period.
I'm not an avid gamer by any stretch of the imagination, but, when I do, it's pretty much Nintendo that I stick with. Always has been. That's why seeing a brand new regular column in Games about nothing but the home of Mario by Theo Fraser is five-star awesome for me.
Look who finally decided to participate in a Music Roundtable~! Now if I could only do that in this Zone...
And finally, yeah, more me. I think I have the next topic for "No Rhyme Or Reason" already in mind and it might be a 2-parter. We'll see.
I obviously didn't see this when it was on, but thank God for YouTube (no matter who owns them now). After going back and watching it, Cena kept his class and his cool when it looked like he was set up for this.
I also noticed that, despite the fact that this is as close to a face-off between WWE and TNA stars as we've seen to date, that fact was actually glanced over. Neither organization was mentioned by name when they exchanged words. I wonder how different this would have been had Perzinski had been, instead, someone like AJ Styles...or Monty Brown...heh, or even Angle.
I also notice that there was no mention of this on WWE.com (that I've seen, anyway). Now, why wouldn't they mention something we know about but that they don't want us to? Interesting. Just like the bit that leads off our proper news...
I'll let Ashish recap the story as we had it here for sake of simplicity (and because he simply tells it better):
Psicosis (Dionicio Castellanos Torres) was arrested Monday night after allegedly stealing a car from 23 year old Alexander Valencia Ramirez of Rosarito, Baja California, reports Mexican newspaper El Mexicano.
The newspaper story claims that Psicosis asked to borrow Ramirez's black Mitsubishi, promising to return it later that night. Ramirez refused, leading to Psicosis pulling a gun on him and taking the car anyway. Ramirez called the police who set up roadblocks around Rosarito. Psicosis hit several cars while in the chase including one that had a pregnant woman inside. She ended up being OK. After catching him, police found out that the gun he used earlier in the night was actually just a water gun.
Wow. Welcome to PR hell, Psico. Actually, you have enough problems to deal with. Psicosis hit several cars while in the chase including one that had a pregnant woman inside? Deeamn.
This is the part where most writers would talk about his personal problems and how they hope Psico "conquers his demons" and cite what a rough life he had, but no go. I don't know what his early life and any "demons" were like to bring him to this point. Alls I know is he did something pretty dumb while he was under a pretty good money contract. Bad idea.
I don't see Psicosis staying with the company after this, but that's a foregone conclusion. WWE has a black eye to recover from provided that this story catches on in the mainstream media (and, so far, it hasn't). They're the ones that may be in PR hell.
I love how the company hasn't taken a proactive stance on breaking the story and then correcting their image right away. Not with something real that happened. No, they'll save that for a planned stunt that no one gives a shit about, but we'll get to that later.
In what has to be damn near the shortest firing in company history, WWE re-hired the Boogeyman after firing him less than 2 weeks before. If they fire and re-hire him again before Thanksgiving, and again before Christmas, that'll keep me rolling on the floor with laughter until my next birthday. Hell, I say make it a monthly occurrence! Fire and hire him until doomsday, for all I care; at least it'll keep Papa Shango 2.0 off of my TV. Not like I watch SmackDown anyway, but still...
And while on the subject on returns, Pat Patterson has been re-hired as a road agent producer by WWE. The day the announcement was made, Sylvan Grenier was seen with tears in his eyes. Whether they were from being overwhelmingly happy or brought on by fear of another mouth rape were undetermined as of press time.
Am I fully aware that countless others have done Pat Patterson jokes before me? Sure I am. Do I give a shit? Not really. I said at the outset that I have to keep this interesting for me, and I'm sorry if outdated "LOLZ Pattersun's the GAY" jokes make me giggle, but it bees like that sometimes.
In all sincerity, though, I'm glad to see that he, too, made it back from an abdominal aneurysm.
World Wrestling Entertainment would like to apologize to anyone who watched WWE No Mercy and was offended by the William Regal locker room incident. Conduct of this kind is unacceptable in a family-friendly environment, and WWE accepts full responsibility. Nudity of any kind, even in a live television environment, is offensive to our audience and to the reputation of our company.
Okay, I know this is another shameless publicity stunt. One of those "Hey, look! We did something outrageous and now we're defending ourselves from an attack that's never going to happen because no one cares" moments. Still and all, this has to be done:
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!?
If you're going to pull one of these stunts, the very least I ask is not to treat me like an idiot when you do. Doing this for something like a Katie Vick, or a Eugene, or a Mohammed Hassan is one thing because it's something we haven't seen before.
But nudity? Are you serious? How many women's – and other dudes' – bare asses have we seen over the years? How many people have joined Vince's "Kiss My Ass" Club on regular cable TV? How many times did "Mr. Ass" flash us on the way to the ring? What state was Val Venis in during the notorious "I choppy choppy your pee pee!" segment? Oh, and did anyone ever apologize for The Kat's tit-flashing at Armageddon '99?
Right. Exactly. So why give a shit now? Why apologize now for something we've seen several dozen times over the last 8 years? Oh, right – because the mainstream might give a damn if you make a big deal out of it all of the sudden.
What do you think we are, dumb? If there's one thing I can't stand it's having my intelligence blatantly insulted, and this company manages to do it several times a year.
And you wonder why wrestling doesn't do it for me lately like it used to.
Happy Trails
And another one down, another one down, another one bites the dust. Wait, I usually open with that bit, not close out with it.
Ah, well. Until next week, you know what to do – keep it here for all the pop culture news and views you can stand. Have fun with all that reading and I'll be here in seven days. I promise.
