News From Cook’s Corner 11.02.06

Hi, hello and welcome to the Corner! I am your newly employed party host Steve Cook, and this week we’re taking a look at the news going on in the wrestling world. A novel concept, I know. I’ve brought in a special guest to do the Chikara podcast this week since I’m starting a new job and don’t have the same time to devote to this column that I normally do.

One might wonder “Hey Steve, why do you have a job now?”…I was given the choice either to get a job or to watch CM Punk for four hours on the Sci Fi Channel Tuesday night. The decision was rather obvious.

We’ll also take a look back at last Friday night’s ROH show. I think some people like that kinda thing. And if they don’t, at least they do a good job of faking it. Kinda like my ex-girlfriend. The Chikara podcast recap this week is being handled by my young protege Steve Montoya, who is currently in line to take over the Internet once I’m dead and gone. He loves Chikara more than anybody else I know, so that should be good stuff.

Here’s the news!

No more ECW house shows, and possibly no more ECW champion

The ECW house shows have not been drawing very well. So poorly, in fact, that WWE will no longer be doing ECW only house shows starting after the ones currently scheduled. Selected ECW talent will be joining the Smackdown house show tour. In other ECW news, Big Show is breaking down physically and is strongly considering retiring after his contract expires in February. He might do a match with Hulk Hogan at WM 23, but nothing beyond that.

Well, it’s not all bad news for ECW…um…er…I got nothing.

A headline that scared the living crap out of me…

So I clicked on over to 411 Tuesday afternoon to post my Ask 411 Wrestling column, and saw the following headline atop the wrestling zone newswire…

“WWE News: Stephanie McMahon’s Return”

The first thing I thought: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE BACK ON TV?”

Fortunately, it wasn’t talking about her returning as an on-screen character, it was just saying that she was going back on the road after taking time off due to giving birth. Whew! That was a close one.

Colt Cabana does not lose a toe

I’ll be talking some ROH later, but this deserves some talk on its own…Colt Cabana, Adam Pearce & Dave Prazak were involved in an automobile accident on Friday night when Colt’s car hydroplaned. It was raining pretty much all day in Ohio & Kentucky that day, so you could see how this might have happened. All three men were ok and showed up for the ROH show in Chicago the next night. There was some confusion online when one of Cabana’s friends posted a MySpace message for him, but decided to report that because he was driving barefoot as usual, somehow his left pinky toe was crushed and the doctors decided to amputate it. However, that did not actually happen.

As far as we know, Colt Cabana still has eleven toes.

K-Fed’s music career is going very well

Mr. Spears’s concerts in Cleveland and Atlantic City have been canceled and his New York concert is on the verge of being canceled. Why? Lack of ticket sales. And people still think he’s going to bring in the mainstream audience? Y’all are freaking crazy. The difference between Federline and Andy Kaufman (besides talent) is that people wanted to see Kaufman and chuckle at him. People chuckle at Federline when he appears on some stupid show on E! or something, but they’re not going to tune in for the express purpose of watching him. Unless they’re members of his immediate family…but what are the odds they own televisions?

New talent for ECW

Elijah Burke, Sylvester Terkay, Daivari and the Great Khali are all on their way to ECW. Well, Burke & Daivari are all right. Terkay could do well in the ECW environment…I’m not really sure what kind of environment Khali would do well in. The jungle, perhaps. Apparently he will be Daivari’s manager. I hope that means he will get to cut the 5 minute promos on ECW now. Hell, I’d watch just to see that.

The Spotlight is on Raw!

The NBC Universal November newsletter has a nice little write-up on WWE Raw. Here’s part of it:

Every week, Raw pits babyfaces (the guys fans love to love) against heels (the guys fans love to hate) in explosive matches. Helmed by legendary general manager Eric Bischoff and featuring superstars like John Cena, Kurt Angle and Triple H, Raw oozes with WWE talent.

To be fair, it would have been accurate in November 2005. And since most stuff on Raw never changes, I guess the writer assumed it didn’t need to be changed.

What the hell is this?

The Secret Life of the Little Bastard.

What, can’t a midget get some love too? I don’t see what the big deal is here. It’s not like on Boston Legal where the midget might be dating one of their parents.

So what happened to Fake Kane?

The guy behind the failed gimmick (Freakin Deacon) recently failed a Wellness test in Deep South Wrestling. Obviously he saw how terrible he looked in the Kane outfit and decided he needed to bulk up. Tough to blame the guy.

More TNA pre-PPV specials on Spike TV

Following in the footsteps of “Road To Glory”, Spike will be airing a “Road To Genesis” special at 2 PM on November 18, with a replay at midnight. TNA’s move to 9 PM Thursdays is coming on November 16, which is a very good thing because there is nothing good at 9 PM on a Thursday night.

So where is CW Anderson these days?

Rehabbing from a back injury, it appears. He probably suffered it when he had to carry CM Punk through that 3 minute match.

I don’t want to say Kurt Angle is crazy, but this doesn’t help his cause…

The former Olympic Gold Medalist recently claimed that he could beat UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Chuck Liddell with six months of training. He also thinks he could beat Tito Ortiz.

You know, Liddell might come into fights a little chubby sometimes, and his punches look as ugly as sin, but he’s still one of the baddest motherfuckers on the planet right now. I say “one of” because absolutely nobody is as bad as Fedor Emelianenko. Nobody. Regardless, Chuck would absolutely kill Angle, and so would Tito. Now, if Angle was 10 years younger…then we’d have something to talk about here.

Stuff like this makes me think the “Kurt Angle has completely lost his mind” Camp might be on to something.

Psicosis released by WWE

This isn’t really news, since it was a foregone conclusion after the incident where Psicosis stole his friend’s car, but since it officially happened yesterday I should probably mention it. Psicosis has been released by WWE.

This is not wrestling related, but needs to be said…

For the love of all that is holy, can you TV networks please stop playing that Chevrolet commercial with that John Mellencamp song? I am serious, if this madness does not stop….SOMEBODY’S GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

I keep getting that song in my head, and it sucks. I guess things could be worse…yesterday I listened to Billy Ray Cyrus being interviewed while I was driving to work…guess what song they played afterwards and was in my head the rest of the day?

You can tell the world you never was my girl
You can burn my clothes when I’m gone
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I’ve been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone

You can tell my arms to go back onto the phone
You can tell my feet to hit the floor
Or you can tell my lilps to tell my fingertips
They won’t be reaching out for you no more

But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don’t think it’d understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg
Or tell your brother Cliff who’s fist can tell my lips
He never really liked me anyway

Oh tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please
Myself already knows that I’m okay
Oh you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind
It might be walking out on me today

But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don’t think it’d understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don’t think it’d understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo

FEEL MY PAIN!

Lita’s contract expires on…

December 1st. Her last appearance is expected to be at Survivor Series or the night after. That should answer the question of the Lita fan that’s mad at me because I don’t think Lita is the greatest woman in the history of the universe.

DiBase & Horner released

Ted DiBase & Tim Horner have been released from their duties as WWE road agents. DiBase apparently wanted to return to his ministry, and there are no hard feelings between him and WWE. Horner was said to be way behind the times and also would accidentally mess up finishes of matches he was in charge of. That usually isn’t a good thing, but it does explain how that Hardcore Holly vs. Test match went 15 minutes. It was supposed to go 1:50, Horner mis-read the time off the paper and the rest is history.

How did I miss out on this?

Remember when TNA had that auction early in their existence? They auctioned off all sorts of fun stuff…theoretically. For example…

5. Deep Sea Fishing Trip for two: This winning bidder will enjoy a deep sea fishing trip with Bob Ryder, Jerry Jarrett, James Storm & Chris Harris. (Transportation, lodging, and meal allowance will be included in the package). (Opening bid $250.00)

Considering the rumors surrounding Ryder & AMW, maybe they were ahead of their time with this stuff. Brokeback Mountain wasn’t even written then, I’m pretty sure.

6. Jet Ski with Jeff Jarrett: This winning bidder will spend a day with Jeff Jarrett at his home on Old Hickory Lake in Hendersonville. The day will include riding personal watercraft and lunch at the shore. (Transportation, lodging, and meal allowance will be included in the package). (Opening bid $250.00)

Hopefully Jarrett was a face at this point and not the despised heel he was later on in TNA…I couldn’t see many Impact Zone fans agreeing to pay $250 for this.

9. Dance as TNA Girl: This winning bidder will serve as a TNA dancer for a NWATNA pay-per-view event. (Transportation, lodging, and meal allowance will be included in the package). (Opening bid $250.00)

Remember those Nashville crowds? If those women were trying to win this, it only could have led to disaster. My God, I haven’t seen that ugly of a crowd since the last time I was in Cleveland.

13. Dinner Date with Scott Hall: This winning bidder will enjoy a dinner date with Scott. The evening will include attending a NWATNA event, and dinner with Scott. (Transportation, lodging, and meal allowance will be included in the package). (Opening bid $250.00)

There were several dinner dates on the list, but this one probably would have been the most fun because it most certainly would have taken place at a bar. You know, maybe they should do this again because it’s a pretty safe bet that I’d find at least $250 to spend for a dinner date with Traci. Make it happen, TNA!

27. Dupp Cup: The Cup used as the trophy for the winner of the Dupp Cup. The infamous Dupp inspired points match. (No minimum bid.)

27. Dupp’s Outhouse: The outhouse also used in the Dupp Cup match. (Must be picked up at Fairgrounds Arena in Nashville.) (No minimum bid.)

I have it on good authority that Larry Csonka purchased these items, and the next item on the list…

28. Brian Lawler’s New Love Interest: Brian has not been having good luck with his “love interest”. If you would like to try your luck and feel that you would fair better than April, then this bid is for you. Your chance to be his valet for an NWATNA pay-per-view event. (Transportation, lodging, and meal allowance will be included in the package). (Opening bid $250.00)

The Necro Butcher~! says:
how was Brian in the sack?

LTC~! says:
He beat me badly

LTC~! says:
Ask JT

I did not ask JT…quite frankly that’s more than I wanted to know anyway.

Thanks to the DVDVRMB for giving me something to talk about this week. I needed it.

ROH in Dayton 10.27.06

It took two fucking hours for us to get to Dayton thanks to rain and shitty traffic on North I-75. So we missed the first match featuring ROH students and whatnot, but we did arrive in time for Matt Cross vs. Pelle Primeau. I liked Cross, he beat the hell out of Primeau with hard chops and whatnot. I purchased a five dollar shoot interview DVD with Terry Funk & Harley Race getting drunk and a Colt Cabana t-shirt.

Really, why WOULDN’T you buy a Colt Cabana t-shirt? He rules the universe.

Bryan Danielson Def. Sal Rinauro – Danielson in the first match? Yup, apparently he needed to squash Rinauro, who needed a good squashing anyway. Plus, the old shoulder still isn’t feeling all that great and he needed to rest up for the Chicago show the next week. Cause, you know, Dayton is Chicago’s weak sister when it comes to ROH shows.

In a related note, I don’t know why people are surprised by that. The Chicago Ridge market is much bigger and more responsive for ROH, so why wouldn’t they get the bigger shows? It only makes sense that you put the bigger shows in the bigger markets.

Shingo Def. Jimmy Rave – Shingo’s put on a little bit of weight since the last time I saw him wrestle. He’s also grown a mullet. If a fat Japanese guy with a mullet can’t get over in the U.S., I don’t know who can! The match was ok, nothing particularly memorable.

Irish Airborne Def. Colt Cabana & Jimmy Jacobs – Freaking Irish Airborne. At least Cabana was more over than they were. Cabana & Jacobs made a pretty good team, so it kinda sucks that they’ve already split up. Oh well, c’est la vie.

Christopher Daniels Def. Brent Albright – Brent cut his hair after leaving WWE, kinda weird since usually people cut their hair when they enter WWE, not when they leave. Daniels actually won a match in Southwest Ohio, which might be the most shocking thing that’s happened in wrestling all year. What, am I forgetting something? Nice scientific match that might have gone over the heads of some in attendance, but Albright showed why some of us still have high hopes for him.

Roderick Strong Def. Chris Hero, Mark Briscoe and Tank Tolland – I don’t think I’ve mentioned it yet, but we were in the second row, behind none other than Chris Hero’s grandmother. She seemed like good people, but I don’t think she liked it when somebody flew into the barrier right in front of her. I don’t think Mark Briscoe liked the fan behind me calling him a retard, and I hope he expressed his dislike with it in the parking lot later on that evening.

Austin Aries Def. Claudio Castagnoli – Nice match, but I was absolutely disgusted by Aries & Strong’s disrespect of the Kings’ tag team title belts. Nobody throws the Chikara tag team title belt on the floor, goddamn it! It was a disgusting act, and it’s a shame it had to air on our network.

Davey Richards Def. Jay Briscoe – Can’t say I remember a whole lot about this one. Richards was still impressive, and Briscoes still don’t care when you dump them on their heads.

Delirious Def. Matt Sydal – My personal choice for Match of the Night, and my motive behind awarding Delirious Wrestler of the Week honors. As usual, the rest of the staff disagreed with me. Bastards. Anywho, this match was extremely fun to watch live, I don’t know how well it’ll translate on DVD because it probably won’t pick up much of the conversation with the wrestlers and the crowd. Still lots of great action though, and you can see why ROH is pushing these guys pretty hard. Push harder, says I!

Homicide & Samoa Joe Def. Adam Pearce & Steve Corino – Corino’s new look is…interesting. We didn’t even recognize him when he came out with Pearce, Cornette and Shane Hagadorn. The match was all kinds of crazy fun with action going all over the place and Homicide getting choked out with a plastic bag. Plastic bags rule!

As far as 2006 Dayton ROH shows go, I’d rate this behind War of the Wire 2, but ahead of Weekend of Champions Night 1 and maybe ahead of Tag Wars 2006. It was a fun little show, and a nice way to spend a Friday night. Too bad we’re not getting another one until February…there’s a lot of Friday nights between now and then.

Plugs

Melchor’s Favorite Writer & JT’s Favorite Writer bring you the 3 Rs.

Meehan is old.

Sforcina lives dangerously.

Williams needs to update his list at the end of the column.

O’Dog sure knows how to name-drop.

One has to wonder what Sarnecky will write about when he runs out of WWE history.

Hamflett gets rowdy.

Linkous pits Bret against Joe. Somewhere, the penguin’s head is exploding.

Weyer talks Magnum TA & Nikita Koloff.

JT & JP fear next week.

What happens next week?

News From Cook’s Corner hosts the Great Positivity Debate 3 Result Show!

James Thomlison

&

JP Prag

vs.

Stephen Randle

Be there. Aloha.

Chikara Podcast-A-Go-Go Episode 32 Recap by Steve Montoya

The normal intro video plays, but before Mike & Wiggly introduce themselves like normal we see a warning that says “Please Note: The following was recorded prior to the events of Oct. 28 (Cibernetico) and was filmed in front of a live studio audience. *audience claps and cheers the descending Quack and Wiggly announcing “Here it comes, here comes the knife.” God these guys have more pop culture references that fly over my head than Family Guy. Quack announces that this is episode 32 which means they’ve been doing this for eight months now, wow and Wiggly says he’s ready to have his baby. We’ve got clips from Young Lions Cup 4, woot! We’re gonna be looking at Daizee Haze vs. Mickie Knuckles– oh yes!

The match: Daizee whips Knuckles hard into the corner, Haze runs against the opposite rope, and bam! Nails Mickie with a hard generic indy yakuza kick, hard right hands to Mickie, then she gets sent into the opposite turnbuckle, Daizee runs at her looking for a strike but Mickie catches her in a fallaway slam position, Knuckles spins around about thirty times before dropping Haze with Sudden Impact! Cover- 1-2-Kickout- slow count by the ref. Micke picks her up, tries for the german suplex but Haze blocks it by getting her legs up, Mickie tries for it again but this time Daizee wraps her legs around Knuckles, and rolls through! 1- TIGHTS GRAB-2-3! And its over folks. Daizee is truly one of the hottest heels alive.

Wiggly and Quack talk about stuff that I can’t hear since I don’t have sound on this comp, but I’m sure it has something to do about pop culture jibber jabber blabber and most likely plugging the final three shows of the year for Chikara to take place this month: “From Zero to Hero (& Castagnoli)”, “Brick”, and “Talent Borrows; Genius Steals”. Awesome show names. The second clip we get is also from Young Lions Cup IV and it is a tag match pitting the technicos- Quack, Shane Storm & Jigsaw (ShaneSaw) against the rudos Team F.I.S.T (Gran Akuma & Icarus) & Claudio Castagnoli!

The match: We start out with Quack placing Akuma on the top, Quack runs back a few steps but comes right back at Akuma with a PALM STRIKE, better known to most as a bitch/pimp slap. Quack backs out as Akuma is still sitting on the top rope and here comes Jigsaw with a Leap of Faith (frankensteiner), Quack turns Akuma face up just in time so Akuma’s face can be met with THAT JAPANESE MOVE from Shane Storm. All the technicos pile on top of Gran Akuma but Icarus and Claud are quickly there to make the save. Icarus tosses Storm out and Claud discards Jigsaw and its three on one with Quack. Icarus (still with hair at that time) gets Quack in a back suplex position but then puts him off on Gran Akuma’s shoulders who has Quack now in a powerbomb situation, but LOOK Claudio is going up top, oh snap, Claudio European Uppercuts Quack who is then powerbombed by Akuma who drops him on Icarus who gives him a LUNGBLOWER (backcracker to WWE fans) ~! SOMEONE CALL MY MOM! And it only gets a two count! Quack is superman! Icarus is in shock, Iccy goes for Sliced Bread #2 on MQ but Quack and Iccy both land on their feet but Shane Storm is right behind Iccy and holy crap Storm kills him with a german suplex but before Shane can capitalize on his oppurtunity Akuma traps him in a weird position and then executes a move that looks like a reverse angle slam, except Storm lands on his back/neck area, owch. Jigsaw and Akuma then do a little dance, until Jigsaw wraps GA in a crazy predicament and then drops him with a nothern lights BRAINBUSTAH! Then Claudio sends Jigsaw off the ropes then throws him up literally 20 FEET, then barely catches him with a european uppercut on the way down, good Lord. Quack goes off the ropes then stands on Claud’s chest for about a second before back flipping then jumping down, then sending Claudio into the ropes who does like a back handspring jump into them, then lands on his feet, Quack is whipped into the ropes now, then does half a head scissors before dropping on Claud, then a lucha roll through! 1-2-NOOOO! Oh my Gawd this is nuts, the crowd is loving it, Quack is in disbelief. Storm was looking to powerbomb Claud but CC backed him up into the corner, Akuma is trying rip off Shane’s mask! What an asshole! But here comes Quack to save the day with another pattoned PALM STRIKE to the bald face of Akuma which knocks him to the outside, Claud runs at Storm but is lifted outside the ring, but not before accidentally knocking the side of his head against the turnbuckle, but then pulls out Storm but then starts to brawl with Quack on the outside. Back in the ring Iccy is about to give Jigsaw some form of a reverse DDT but Jiggy is kneeing his way out of it, he then turns to the otherside and lifts up Iccy, looks like a Jig N Tonic is about to go down but Iccy knees HIS way out of it and counters it into a pedigree (yawn!), but Jigsaw fights his way out of that, Iccy goes for an enzugiri but that’s a distraction as that gives him time to PULL OFF JIGSAW’S MASK!!! The ref rings the bell, that is a BIG no-no in the world of lucha let alone CHIKARA.

The clip ends, then Quack and Wiggly plug: Their upcoming shows all taking place in the most boring state in the world (Penn), SmartMark Video for selling their stuff, and Wiggly’s website where you can see all twenty billion of his podcasts and everything that he is involved in. ~fin~

Chikara Podcast-A-Go-Go for your viewing pleasure!

The kid speaks the truth…Daizee Haze brings the hawtness to the heel ranks and Team F.I.S.T. are assholes.

Well, that’s all we’ve got this week. Best of luck to my Louisville Cardinals, who play the West Virginia Mountaineers tonight in a battle of the third & fifth ranked teams in the BCS standings. The winner has a good chance of going to the national championship game, so if we win this I will be on cloud nine. And if we lose…well, I’m pretty used to losing at this point in my life. After all, I have been a Bengals fan for 16 years now…

Until next week, keep your stick on the ice.