The Fink’s Payload 11.06.06: Underutilized talent
Posted by Sforcina-Marsico on 11.06.2006
Well, apparently there is very little talent not used well. Good to know, Eh Fink? Still, come in and find out the future of the column!
Matt: Hiya.
One response.
Still, better than none I suppose. For those who are choosing this week to join us, poor people that you are, I am Mathew Sforcina…
Nick: I'm tired, it's been a long weekend, I don't even know what's going on, I'm tired, and my interest in anything and everything WWE is getting less and less every moment. Plus, for some reason, everything seems to be slanted to the left. It feels weird.
Matt: Still, we do have a doozy of an entry this week, so, take it away Hazmatt.
When it came to re-energizing talent that has been used improperly, I could have gone with the easy and obvious solution of reforming the World's Greatest Tag Team, but that's almost not worth the effort to type. It's so obvious, yet it's not going to happen. Who knows why.
So, I decided to take one of Mr. McMahon's pet projects and fix it. It wasn't necessarily broken at first, but it has become so. Therefore, I will attempt to simply, effortlessly, and quasi-logically repair... Eugene.
The process of repairing Eugene begins with a brutal beating. Raw's current monster is Umaga, so let's place Eugene at the loser's end of a Samoan ass-whipping, during which Eugene takes numerous head shots. Eugene is carried off by the EMTs, and we hear nothing of him for two weeks.
After those two weeks we receive an update from Eugene's psychologist. Of course someone with Eugene's condition has been under the care of a psychologist periodically, for evaluation purposes. What the psychologist reveals is that Eugene was fortunate enough to not receive structural damage to his brain, but there were some unique traumatizing affects. Eugene is not the same person anymore, and must undergo some further observation.
Another two weeks pass, and we get word that Uncle Eric has met with Eugene's doctors and addresses the issues at hand through a candid interview on Raw.
We are then told that Eugene was not always the dominate personality. Eugene developed after a similar incident, when Eugene's father brutally attacked him more than a decade ago. Eugene isn't what was there before, but Eugene was what was left.
Several individuals had been attempting to coax Eugene out of his shell for months, from medical professionals to the boys in the back. We saw glimpse of this true personality. When Eugene started wailing on Jim Duggan, it wasn't because he hated Duggan, it was because the person buried inside since that first beating by the hands of his father had surfaced again, if for a brief moment.
When asked if Eugene will be returning to the ring, Eric is doubtful. Eugene's... his nephew's mind is in a state of flux right now, and no one knows what to expect from him.
We then go an entire month without any further information on Eugene. The story isn't mentioned at all, especially during Umaga's matches. The commentary team refers to Eugene by vague designations such as a "prominent victim" or "high profile casualty".
Then, at the end of that month, after another Umaga victory, the Samoan Bulldozer is standing tall in the ring, when an oddly-familiar man slides in from the crowd with a chair in hand. His hair is in a ponytail and he stands tall in a t-shirt and jeans. And as Umaga turns around, he is leveled by a swing of the chair and rolls out of the ring.
As Estrada pulls a confused Umaga up the ramp, this person demands a microphone, and addresses the Samoan.
"Umaga! You think you know who I am! You think you know what pain is! I wish I could show you what it's like! What it's like to be trapped in a small fragile world! A world where the only way to escape the pain is to burrow deeper and deeper, until you can't find your wait out!
But when you keep digging, you eventually come out the other side. And I suppose I should thank you for pushing me that far, Umaga, but I can't. I can't forgive the pain you caused me. I can't forget the pain HE caused me! I can not forgive people who hurt those weaker for a fleeting sense of pride! I can not, and will not allow you to do that!
You may have beat Eugene Dinsmore to a whimpering puddle, but NICK Dinsmore is going to KICK! YOUR! ASS!"
Matt: This is one of the few, if only real way to make Eugene serious again. And there are far worse people to have Umaga lose to, given that would be the logical next step. Bravo.
Nick: I dunno… whatever. It might have been a good thing to do for him about 2 years ago, but they may as well just take the man off TV for a few months, let him shave and get a haircut and then redebut him on SmackDown under a different name. None of that is really worth the energy anymore.
Matt: And next we have…
Nothing. That was the sole reply. Which either says something about the opinion on the current talent levels of WWE, or I picked a bad topic. Maybe a little of both. Still, our ideas!
I'm going to cheat a smidge here, and sort of pick a few people to use better. The 7 year statute on Gimmick stealing is over for the stable I'm thinking of.
It's weird how things sometimes just click, just fit. I mean, I choose to do the Dangerous Alliance now not because of the fact they began at Halloween, but rather because there's a certain stable I wanted to do 4th, and I've done the nWo and DX, hence I needed a 3rd before the 8 parts that is the 4 Horsemen. And yet…
When you got right down to basics, the Alliance was made up of 1 Mad As Hell Announcer/Non-Wrestler Leader, 1 Pissed Off Woman, 1 Annoyed Mid Card Wrestler, 1 Upset Tag Team consisting of an Angry Enforcer and a tag team specialist with a Chip On His Shoulder, 1 Frustrated Mid-Card Champion (or at least, in the hunt for a title) and 1 Free Agent, out to Kick Ass.
Eric Bischoff.
Melina.
Shelton Benjamin.
Viscera.
Charlie Haas.
Johnny Nitro.
Monty Brown.
Tell me that wouldn't work. Hell, call them Controversy, and you get book plugs in the deal as well!
Nick: I just want a good tag division, and I also, as anybody who reads anything I write here knows, don't give a fuck about RAW. I'd move a bunch of teams to SmackDown: Johnny Jeter & Mike Mondo, The World's Greatest Tag Team, Cade & Murdoch and Val Venis & Rob Conway. Yeah, the last one isn't a team, but they'd become one. After moving them, it would add to the two (three with the Gymini) teams on SmackDown, and they could fight amongst themselves to come up with a true number one contender for London & Kendrick's belts. While they're all doing that, start an actual coherent and real feud between the champs and James & Stevens (not just the "feud" they're in now that consists of a match here and there because there aren't any other teams, and with no interaction outside of their matches) and have a few good long matches on TV and PPV (not the bullshit 5 minutes they're getting right now). Then you continue on from there.
But really, I'm getting really good tag wrestling in Ring of Honor, and there are fantastic things going on in tag wrestling all over the independent scene, so in the end, fuck it – have a real tag division or don't – I'm not paying for the WWE product anyway.
Matt: And, finally, the results of the vote from last week on what we should do with the column. And, with a majority, but only just, TNA ideas as well was chosen. Although I really shouldn't have put in total votes cast, that's a smidge of a downer.
Still, we will mostly focus on WWE, since TNA are less storyline based, ergo there are less avenues. About once I month, I think sounds right.
Nick: TNA isn't less storyline based. Watch the show and don't believe what TNA and dopey internet fans try to tell you. TNA's barely more about the wrestling part of professional wrestling then WWE is.
Matt: And next week's homework will be one such.
We'll start this one off simple. Pick one TNA angle/feud/storyline going on. Book it to the end.
Remember, the e-mail goblin wants mail, gods-dammit, so please continue to send your booking concepts, to the combined Fink's Payload Email, finkspayload@gmail.com. And every time you do, I donate a dollar to the "Get Me An Xbox 360 Fund".
Actually, I'll probably just spend it on Coke Zero.
