WRestling’s 3R’s 11.10.06: Joe vs. Angle Rocks, Raw’s Fifteen Minutes of Lame, Five Set for the Extreme Chamber, JBL is Awesome and More!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 11.10.2006
They say the ones you love the most can hurt you the worst. Ladies and gentlemen I have been pushed to the brink of insanity. Drastic times call for drastic measures…I give to thee the SIXTH R~!
The 3R's of wRestling!
Introducción~!
Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling's 3R's! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks. I have had a week from hell, the wife was sick and I had to do the PPV edition of the R's and a lot of other stuff. So this week I have invited a special quest to cover Raw this week, and that man is Ryan Byers! I really owe him for him having to watch what I heard was a rough episode of Raw. Anyway we have a ton to discuss as always, so lets get to work!
91 and counting… **STRUTS**
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in 3 categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th and even 5th R to the column, so beware of those~!
iMpact!:
iMpact 11.02.06:
The Right:
Angle vs. Joe: The Training Video - This was at the end of the show this week, and they hyped it all throughout the show as a big deal. When we finally got to it, it was rather awesome. The montage of Joe training his striking and MMA style offense and Angle in intense weight lifting and cardio conditioning was perfect for what they need to do. This is the shit I have been talking about, an almost UFC-Like presentation to build a match. This is also what WWE did with Brock vs. Rock. It gives it a special feeling. Like these men are about to fight for real, to enter battle to see who is the best. They are putting their pride, reputations and image on the line and are willing to go through intense physical training all for one night of glory. THAT is what this needed to be, and that is exactly what it was. This was a great video to hype the upcoming match, and about the only right thing on the show. What a shame I had to wait 58-minutes for it.
puRgatory:
Sting: Christian Warrior - So on Impact Sting had a special sit down interview segment. Once again the JJ face turn was on display as Sting put him over and said that he had some personal issues to deal with. Then after 10-months he says that JJ isn't the cancer in TNA, the NWA title was the cancer because it inspires greed and deception. He then said he would bring honor and prestige back to the belt and thanked God. First of all I am still not sold on the JJ face turn. Secondly, why is Sting so nice to him? Oh he is a Christian and is supposed to forgive, I should know that! Thirdly, bringing prestige back to the belt is good. But fourthly, I am concerned about the use of God. While not a disrespectful way of using God, when shooting an angle, you have to think how the overall fan base will react. I am not sure if mainstream or casual fans, which they need to gain, want God involved in wrestling.
Bentley and Kazarian: Makeovers Could Help… - During the "RUSSO-RIFFIC" pole match, which I will discuss later on in the column and believe me that is a treat kids, Matt Bentley and Kazarian made their presence known as they attacked Rhino. Did they have a reason to attack him? Not that I know of. Were they effective in their attack? No, not really. That being said, this could be a very good thing for those guys. They are good wrestlers, and they make a good tag team but they have no personality, no character and no one outside the net crowd knows who the hell they are. The makeover could help. It also looks like this could have something to do with Raven. I would actually be cool with Raven taking more of a managerial role with these guys and basically not wrestling anymore. He has a lot to offer as a mentor/manager/mouthpiece and it would be the best way to use him right now.
The wRong:
Look here, I'm a heel now…let's make a title match with no build! - So Chris Sabin wins the X-Title at Bound for Glory. The next show there is no mention of him and he does make it into the FFYR deal and makes it into the final matches. This week on Impact he is cutting a promo and AJ Styles interrupts because Sabin is disrespecting X-Division founding father Jerry Lynn. They have words and then, they make their tournament match an X-Title match. Just like that they book a title match, on their own with out any build. If that isn't bad enough, they didn't even try this the week before to set it up and try to gain viewers. So they do the match, it only goes 4-minutes and Chris Sabin drops the title to Styles. All without build and in the process cutting the balls off of Sabin's new heel gimmick. The other thing to consider is that once again, they go to AJ when they are getting a new time shot. We have been there and done this several times already, and we are doing it again!
You won, I lost…we must argue and then feud! - So Christopher Daniels loses to Robert Roode in his tournament match. Roode celebrates and before he can do any damage, AJ Styles hits the ring and clears it. In true Russo fashion he has the friendly tag team partners argue, dissention in the ranks! Daniels is basically upset with AJ because he lost, due to Brooks and AJ didn't do anything to stop that, he just came out after the match. Also, AJ now has the X-Title and that didn't seem to please Daniels, since it would basically end the tag team. They seemed to make up, but it was just all thrown together with 8,000 other things that it is so lost and not well done.
Killings vs. Hoyt - Last week in the whole reverse battle royal, battle royal, seeding crap they ran Lance Hoyt came out of it looking like a world beater. He looked damn good against Abyss and was booked well to the point that people actually cared about him. So what happened this week? He had a 2-minute tournament match with Ron Killings and lost clean as a whistle. Parity booking at its finest.
The Ridiculous:
Nothing of Note
THE RUSSO-FN-RIFFIC~~~!:
The James Gang Quits…RUSSO-FN-RIFFIC~~~! - So we kick off the 6th R era with this little gem. The James gang comes out after the Killings vs. Hoyt match and not only cuts a promo on WWE, but they bury TNA and the network TNA is on! Blah, blah, blah WWE held us back, we were the best of DX, TNA dropped the ball. Boo hoo I do not care! No one watching the show cares. This is not cool and not edgy, it is stupid. No, it is RUSSO-RIFFIC! This is the first of many stupid things on the show.
A gimmick match, to lead to a gimmick match, where the goal is to climb a pole and get weapons and such, that you cannot use right now but in 2-weeks, and there is "no winner" to the match…RUSSO-FN-RIFFIC~~~! - Did you get all of that? Seriously, apparently it is not enough that Christian and Rhino will do battle in a cage match involving barbed wire. No, 2-weeks before they go into battle they have to have a pre-match match, not quite a match but a gimmick match yet not a match since there is no winner match up. You know Russo is back when we have crap on a pole not a matches. Christian and Rhino go out to the ring, and there are things hanging from poles. If they retrieve these items they cannot use them, no, they go into a BOX (~!) and that box will be HIDDEN…sequestered, isolated if you will until the November 16th Cage Match, you know, the one that they already have in a cage and covered in barbed wire. And the other thing is that when all the boxes are emptied, which they would have been and were, because there were no pins or anything resembling a finish, that was mysteriously supposed to be it. If you are wondering why I may have over complicated the explanation, no I didn't. This is just another Russo-Riffic lesson from the master of Russo-Nomics. Sweet Christ I love TNA, but this was just horrible.
The Announcement of Angle's first TNA match…RUSSO FN RIFFIC~~~! - Is quite possible one of the most stupid things I have seen in the last few weeks, and that is saying something because I have seen some stupid things recently. Let me break this announcement down for you.
-Kurt Angle, the hottest signing for the promotion EVER is having his FIRST MATCH on FREE TV three days before he faces Joe on PPV.
-Kurt Angle will face THE WINNER of an 18-man Russo-riffic adventure, which crowned this man the #1 contender.
-Scenario #1: Angle wins: The first scenario, which is a BAD IDEA is that Angle defeats this #1 contender, THREE DAYS before he challenges for the NWA Title.
-Scenario #2: The #1 Contender wins: The second selection, which is a BAD IDEA is that the #1 contender beats Angle, THREE DAYS before what is being pushed as an epic encounter with Samoa Joe.
-Scenario #3: The Non-Finish: The third selection is the non-finish match, which is a BETTER idea than the others, but ALSO BAD because…THE MATCH SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN MADE IN THE FIRST PLACE! This is the BIGGEST evidence that Vince Russo is booking this promotion because this is the kind of shit he does. He tries to book for "ratings" instead of booking to make money. At least the old booking committee understood that since they were mostly wrestling guys. And sure their programming may have been boring and elementary and "just there" but for the most part, it wasn't as STUPID as this. Misguided, sure, but not STUPID. Sweet Christ I love TNA, but this is just horrible.
SmackDown!: By: Geoff Eubanks>
Smackdown 11.03.06:
What heartbreaking news. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are splitsville. Basically, Britney's lost the baby weight and realizes that if she has a hope in hell of resurrecting her music career, she needs to drop the dead weight PRONTO.
"I never thought I'd feel this way," Spears was quoted as saying through a press release from her agent, "but, in retrospect and in comparison, I actually treasure my first marriage more…" Spears then denied that she had meant to draw parallels between her second marriage to Federline and her second album, "Oops!...I Did It Again".
In a related note, Federline has been spotted cruising reeeeeeally slowly past the Los Angeles home of Reece Witherspoon, who has, like Spears, recently filed for divorce from her husband, fellow actor Ryan Phillippe. Accordingly, Academy Award-winner Witherspoon (say that five times fast…) sent her personal assistant out to suggest to Federline that perhaps also soon-to-be-available, part-time singer/full-time crack whore Whitney Houston might be a bit more his speed.
The irony? Federline possibly pairing with Houston draws a parallel with his soon-to-be ex-wife, Spears, who covered Houston's soon-to-be ex-husband's ‘80s hit, "My Prerogative". I'm pretty sure there's something in The Bible Code about this…
Also, quickly, we may need to print a correction for a story involving Goldberg's new show on Spike. It was reported that the program he'll be hosting, about teams of 12 in rally race across America, is called "Bullrun"; however, my sources (I am in Hollywood, you know) tell me that the show will actually be called "Bullshit Run" and focus on his pro wrestling career.
The Right:
I Owe You It – Or, in Chavo-ese, "I Quit". Damn pesky pens on pseudo-live TV. As I've said in the past, when this program has managed to refrain from taking Eddie Guerrero's name in vain and simply made it about Chavo and Vickie Guerrero's resentment over their perception of Rey Mysterio's allegedly using the Guerrero name to pave his way to the World Title, I've been able to actually accept and enjoy the proceedings. I'd have loved another match or so the likes of the "I Quit" match because these two really work well with one another, but, more than my entertainment, Rey's health and welfare are paramount, so get your heal on, pimp. Looking forward to seeing you in the ring again sooner rather than later.
Rey's final SD! appearance before very likely heading under the knife was damn good here tonight. I thought it was completely Right and character-consistent that a HUGE face such as Rey would feel obligated to appear to address and apologize to the fans who have made him SD!'s franchise (he's never actually been a Raw property!). Likewise, it was perfect to have Los Guerreros Nuevos interrupt him for one last shot to vent their anger, as well as really stoke their heel heat and up the ante with Chris Benoit. If we can keep Eddie's name out of this one, and focus on simple betrayal of friendship between Benoit and Los Guerreros Nuevos, this could be a program rife with fun and function. Of course, I said the same thing about Chavo/Rey.
JBL, all is forgiven after tonight – There was no bigger outcry from anyone in the IWC following the "Hail Bradshaw" incident and his subsequent relieving Eddie of the WT than from me. I was layers of pissed and actually boycotted SD! for the better part of his reign as a result. However, tonight, with a single sentence, JBL redeemed himself, "If nothing else, Kane and Undertaker got rid of Kanyon & DDP; for that, the wrestling world owes them a debt of gratitude!" *raises martini glass* Here, here!!! Just for that comment, I'm throwing out my joke suggesting that JBL is going to be appearing on the cover "American Wanker" magazine.
Kanyon was crap and if he's straight and is using this gay thing as a gimmick, it's obnoxious and insulting. If he truly is gay and is using his homosexuality as an excuse with respect to why he was let go from WWE, then he should have to be chained to a coin-operated glory hole and make his living in that fashion; that way, he can say he made two different careers by sucking in the ring.
DDP was little better and is still another example of why wrestlers should not be allowed to learn their craft north of 30. Apparently, there must be an entertainment lawyer in my building here at work, because it's not uncommon for a wrestling personality to be seen getting checked in at the security desk downstairs, you'll recall my account of meeting Kevin Nash several months ago. Eric Bischoff and Steve Austin have also been through. DDP was apparently the latest to come through, and, according to Dante, my buddy at the security desk, he was a complete asshole. Apparently Pilates don't do much for bitter.
Purgatory:
Okay, I had a LOT of trouble with the Batista/Booker segments – First of all, this needs to be said. What the HELL is up with Batista's ears? Straight up, when Big Dave holds a conch up to his head, it's the conch that hears the ocean.
Okay, given…The Sovereign Couple is GOLD still again. Booker's reliable schtick, calling Teddy Long "Thaddeus", getting in Batista's face utilizing his Madonna-esque pseudo-English accent without a hint of irony, then dropping it when he asks the delectable Queen Sharmell, "OH! Powder your nose…wait, #1 or #2?" (I was waiting for him to ask her, "Well, baby, can ya just jam a cork in it…?") and inquiring if Batista was "aiight" after the faux hallway attack. All the things we've come to know and treasure. And, I must say, for as much as I've been cooling on Batista these last few weeks, with my recent criticism of the "Cool Hand Luke" nuance of his character overpowering his trademark intensity, he returned to being the Animal of yore this week, from slamming King Book-ah against the wall of the private room to taking all-comers in the parking to calling out Finlay to close the show and tease next week's headliner. Also making a return with respect to Batista's character was the manner in which he outsmarted The Ruler of the SD! Kingdom, playing upon the latter's paranoia that he may be jumped and taken out of the Champion of Champions match at Cyber Sunday (and judging from the response Larry's thus far received from the 411 faithful, apparently everyone was too busy cybering to watch the PPV), a quality harkening back to his tutelage in EVOLUTION. All this I appreciated (although I am squarely in Book-ah's corner on this one).
However, there were all kinds of things wRong with the entire series of segments, from the little things (that whole ‘smoothing-out-the-labels-after-I-rough-you-up' thing is beyond clichéd) to much larger philosophical/booking deficiencies:
If Thaddeus is so concerned about King Book-ah representing SD! successfully at the PPV, why not simply send him home? Why keep him hanging around, potentially in harm's way?
If, as has always been the case in these inter-brand fraternizations, pre-existing personal issues take a back seat in the face of brand loyalty, why would Thaddeus elect to have Batista protect Booker, a man who has pronounced heat with the Champion of the Wuhld?
How did Thaddeus know Batista would maintain his cool and not take out Book-ah before he even made it to the PPV?
Or was that a contingency, because Thaddeus would just as soon see Book-ah get his ass beat by Batista as represent his brand at such a "momentous" event as the Champions of Champions match?
If that's the case, what kind of General Manager is he?
Beyond all of these plot holes, I do have to wipe some egg off of my amazed face and admit that, for once, SD! was actually booked to go over at Cyber Sunday, seeing Book-ah get the duke over no less than John Cena. I'm amazed that was allowed to occur, given Cena's ascension to the rarified air of "top protected face" on the (sinking) flagship show. However, it strikes me that it's the feeling Cena can absorb such a loss, and that, rather than view this as a solid build for Book-ah, it builds him up huge for the eventual showdown against Batista when he drops the belt and Big Dave looks all the better for it. Hopefully, Book-ah won't be denied every shred of cred in this process and Batista can continue to gather momentum by the time this process comes to fruition for all our sakes, otherwise, Booker's gonna look like a bitch and Batista is going to be Dave Lite, which does no one any good.
And while I'll hope against hope that next week will be as good as it can be, the pull apart between Batista and Finlay that closed our show tonight seemed abbreviated, contrived and totally rushed. This troubles me. I'll discuss it below, but it seems to me that there was a LOT on this show that could have been pruned, altered or deleted outright to focus better on the important stories and a couple of the exceptional matches that deserved to go longer…
The WWETTCs vs. Bartyles & James – JBL was on FIRE this week! This was damn close to being in the Right section, because, for the minimal amount of time allotted for this match, all four men managed to take advantage of that which they were given and pack in a wealth of intensity, excitement and fun. Brian Kendrick & Paul London were exceptionally thrilling and I'm pleased to report that THE TEACHER'S PETS continue to grow by leaps and bounds, displaying much more solid cohesion and personality, which is good for all. Even Michelle McCool appears to really be embracing her character, which is helping to really glue together KC James and Idol Stevens. I have a feeling something's brewing in the champions' camp, though, something along the lines of Kendrick developing a crush on Ashley (and, really, when she kisses his cheek post-match, considering the kind of shorts he's wearing, he needs to really watch himself…), but that she and London already have something more "adult" happening on the side causing a split of the champions…? Just a hunch. The only real reason this sinks to puRgatory is because these are STILL the only two teams on the brand and the champions obviously outclass (and cleanly pinned) their only challengers.
I'm gonna have to punk somebody out! – Or however Jimmy Wang Yang's awesome entrance music goes. Brief as it was, I LOVED this match, although it's really no surprise, as I am a HUGE proletariat of CruiserWeight action. For a split second, it appeared as if there may actually be a CWT program being teased, especially with the addition of Diva Search contestant Amy to the side of JWY, a move which gives one the impression that, perhaps, there could be a push in store for The Resident Redneck. Alas, though, JWY had his shot stolen from him by Sylvan, who distracted the referee, facilitating Gregory Helms' tights-holding pinfall.
A couple of quibbles. Obviously, it would be a huge move toward the positive to pair up Helms and JWY in a program over the CWT, as SOMEthing needs to be done to re-legitimize that belt, and we were almost there tonight; instead, however, McMahonagement appears to have remembered that Sylvan has heat with JWY and decided to pick up their program, the same kind of lapse in momentum we saw with Helms and Matt Hardy a couple of weeks ago. This kind of inconsistency kills a program's heat and this is the second time it's happened since No Mercy, truly unprofessional and one might be moved think WWE would know better.
Second, while I have no qualms with Amy thus far, she appeared to play her part well tonight and is a damn fine looking woman, why bring in someone of questionable skills and likely no training to speak of when the beautiful, articulate and capable Jillian Hall is sitting around the back painting her nails for the better part of the show each week, especially when she proved how good she looks in cowgirl gear during her tenure with JBL?
The wRong:
It wasn't so much what was wRong tonight – as it was what was…
The Ridiculous:
Well, it was truth in packaging…the Brothers destroyed plenty – The promo to preface this BULLSHIT had possibilities. Both Kennedy and MVP were character-consistent in that Kennedy was trying to take control by virtue of ego and tenure, whereas MVP was cocky and aloof, smirking at the impending burial. However, Kennedy had some solid points: 1) His experience in the ring with both Kane and The Undertaker gives him an edge, thus the Right to captain their team; and 2) the fact that all of MVP's bravado won't mean SHIT once the bell rings.
What this segment also did was prove: 1) The fact that Kevin Federline has more cred in WWE than MVP. Had they tried to utilize this gimmick with, say, Charles "Scorpio" Skaggs once he returns to TV they'd have had a HELL of a better chance of making this fly; however, sending in a total noob whom we all know has absolutely NO track record to back up these claims of having "credentials" and warranting being paid such an exorbitant amount of money when he makes Sylvan look like Flair is asinine; 2) the fact that Theodore Long, whom we are supposed to take seriously as GM of SD! signed this babbling cock with cornrows that look like the results of a George W. polygraph test to such a lucrative deal makes Stephanie McMahon's "coupe" with Mr. America seem shrewd. Yet again has McMahonagement pulled a Boogeyman, signing dead weight "talent" into an arbitrary, cul-de-sac gimmick which will only serve to drag legitimate talent down in its undertow.
Or, McMahonagement will simply confound us all with convoluted, overbooked, confusing and pointless drivel such as was this tag squash. Fifteen-and-a-half minutes to prove that Taker & Kane outsize and can outmuscle a mismatched team like Kennedy and The Toughest Man to ever Wear a Drum Majorette's Outfit. PLUS, Kennedy took the CLEAN fall! Did you HEAR his self-intro tonight? That response was a direct correlation back to when The Rock had to hush the fans, screaming, "This isn't sing along with the Champ!". Kennedy MUST be booked with care, and they pull shit like THIS.
What SHOULD have happened here was that, in the first of the three "matches", MVP is getting his worthless ass beat and stumbles over to Kennedy to make a tag, but Kennedy drops to the ground off the apron and shrugs, smirking and takes a hike, unhindered by Long. The Brothers still get to make an example, MVP gets his and Kennedy looks like the thinking man's heel he needs to be. I recognize that this implies a face turn for MVP, which is contradictory to his character, but it's less a mess than we had here, and it sets up MVP to face Kennedy, as opposed to the both of them being made to look like pussy bitches.
Tell me he didn't just say that – First of all, Tatanka, Sting called and gave the make up thumb's down for originality, and if Sting is dissing your make ups's originality, you KNOW you're fucked. Second, oh, good, we're going racial. Again. But WTF is Tatanka talking about with respect to "my people have suffered"…to LASHLEY? Jesus, if anything they should be kindred spirits a-tagging! And third, these matches are going to suck harder than Stephanie on HHH while the funhouse was closed those nine months. There's a HUGE difference between taking a new, young talent like Lashley and doing a decent series with an experienced hand like Finlay as opposed to someone like Tatanka, for Foley's sake! Really, watch the pilot light on Lashley's heat diminish over the next few weeks…
Oh, yeah, great move jobbing out Jamie Noble to Lashley rather than involve him in the Helms/JWY/Hardy thing. Why not swap out Sylvan and Noble and give the guy, you know, with TALENT a shot?
Kristal goes dumpster diving at Tyra Banks' place – and comes up with a lovely second-hand weave! Oh, yeah, and an annoying tag partner and the biggest ill-conceived gimmick in history. And, no, I'm not forgetting Saba Simba or The Berserker. HUSS!
So here's a lesson, ladies…lose the diva search, get a job anyway, squishing your fun bags together and welcoming the long-suffering back from break or flapping your asscheeks out of your Daisy dukes cheering on your redneck charge; win the diva search and become linked to a worm-eating old fuck. (Worm) food for thought.
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RAW!: By: Ryan Byers
Raw 11.06.06:
Before we get started, I'd just like to say how nice it is to be analyzing Raw as a break from my usual duties covering TNA. Brian Gewirtz and Kevin Dunn may be idiots, but at least they're not Vince Russo. No reverse battle royals tonight, kids!
The Right:
Stylin' but Not Quite Profilin' – My favorite part of Raw's first thirty minutes was the swank new gear being sported by Johnny Nitro and Melina. Pink suits both of them, and the overall look was a fine example of how any heel should dress . . . outlandish enough that he's out of style but not so outlandish that he turns in to a comedy act.
Is That Anything Like an E-Fed? – Kevin Federline continues his streak as the best heel in professional wrestling. Though it was short, his promo on Cena was well delivered and, had it been live, probably would have generated more heat than the majority of the WWE roster can garner. I also like the fact that they're stretching out the inevitable Cena/Federline match until January 1, as it means that the company will actually take the time to properly develop an angle for once as opposed to hot-shotting it on to the next pay per view. However, WWE may still be shooting itself in the foot – because, by the time this match rolls around, people may actually be willing to pay for it. The problem? It's on free TV, where WWE stands to make no money off of it. Unless K-Fed has some big scheduling conflict, why not just hold off until the Royal Rumble or New Year's Revolution?
Basic Eugenics – Maybe I'm the only person on the planet who feels this way, but I have to say that the Eugene heel turn is working. Dinsmore has done a better job of playing crazy than many people in wrestling have, and I'm legitimately interested in seeing how this one develops. Let's just hope that it gives him a chance to display his underutilized talents as opposed to being dropped within the next couple of weeks.
The Wrong:
Fifteen Minutes of Lame – I know it's been going on for quite some time now, but can somebody give me a compelling reason why every episode of Raw has to open with a fifteen minute long promo? I'm not saying that a lengthy interview should never take place on TV, but they also shouldn't be done just for the sake of being done. Take tonight's interview with Edge/Orton/Bischoff/Flair/Piper. It took an entire quarter-hour, and everything that was accomplished there could have been done in at least half the time without losing any of the entertainment value. There are men languishing on Heat who could actually use that extra seven or eight minutes in order to get over.
IC Title? More like "I've Seen It" Title – Jeff Hardy. Carlito. Johnny Nitro. Shelton Benjamin. Carlito. Jeff Hardy. Shelton Benjamin. Johnny Nitro. Jeff Hardy. Carlito. Shelton Benjamin. Johnny Nitro. Would the creative team please let somebody, anybody from the Intercontinental Title division MOVE ON? It feels like I've been watching different combinations of these men – with the occasional Super Crazy/Chris Masters/Randy Orton variant thrown in – feuding over the strap for six straight months. They just float around trading wins, none of them getting any more over or making the belt seem any more important. It's like these men are just stuck in professional wrestling purgatory, with nothing to do but engage in this never-ending circle jerk of a feud because the powers that be don't want to see any of them elevated beyond a certain level. I could understand this a little bit better if the matches we were getting out of this were actually good, but not a single one of them has been. Melina and Nitro have been one of the most consistently entertaining acts on Raw since they moved over to that brand, and Nitro is doing a good deal to improve in the ring (though he's still rough around the edges). It's time to get him involved in a feud with a much more prominent babyface and either release or repackage the other three guys.
They're Punishing Me – So I wrote the above after the Nitro/Hardy match. Then, an hour later, they gave us Carlito versus Shelton as well. It's times like these I wish I drank.
The Ridiculous:
No No Shows – I suppose that we'll know for certain when the ratings come in, but it strikes me as a bad move to come out in the opening segment of your television program and say that your two hottest acts (DX and John Cena) aren't going to be present. Though there's always the possibility that they'll show up anyway, why take the chance that the people who are tuning in to see these three men will flip the channel when they hear that there favorites will not be on the show? I can maybe understand doing it with only one of the names since theoretically the other will still be there to draw the crowd, but both on the same night? Oh well, any ridiculous happenings at the beginning of the show weren't nearly as bad as what would happen at the end of the show.
With Friends Like Cena . . . – The Maria/Umaga segment started with a good deal of legitimate heat, and it looked like it was going to be a fine way to get somebody over as the next big rival for the Samoan Bulldozer. Then, before we knew it, the logic holes started popping up. First of all, if Cena is such a great guy, why would he wait until after the young lady had been beaten up to make the save? Furthermore, once she had been beaten up and he had made the save, why wouldn't he check on her well being? Why would he just stand there and cut a promo focused on getting himself over? Besides, if he really wants to go somewhere and "make sense of things," he should jump ship to TNA. They need a lot more help than WWE does these days.
Hey Mick . . . OW! – Like most people who have followed her career up from the Indies, I'm a big fan of Mickie James . . . even if she does have the periodic stinker of a match like at Cyber Sunday. That's why I was particularly outraged about tonight's contest against Lita. Okay, you're going to tie one arm behind the girl's back. I can deal with that, no problem. However, what idiot decided on the spots that the girls were going to do once that arm was back there? Poor Mickie wound up getting spiked with a side Russian leg sweep and a bodyslam, both of which sent her elbow to the mat and bent her arm back at unnatural angles. It was just begging for an injury, but fortunately it doesn't look like anything happened. There's still the matter of that ugly moonsault from Lita, though. Is it just me, or did she wind up inadvertently head butting the small of Mickie's back on the way down?
Magic Johnson – Wow. Not since Randy Orton's Hulk Hogan impersonator stunk up the joint before Summerslam have I heard a Raw crowd so silent for a "main event" angle. Nobody in the crowd knew who Big Dick Johnson was before he was announced, and none of them cared once he did show his face. (And, unfortunately, he wound up showing a lot more than that.) And THIS is DX's big revenge for Eric Bischoff screwing them over? Call me old fashioned, but professional wrestlers should be settling their disputes with violence, not lame pranks that should be confined to Jackass. It might have been fine for something in the middle of the show, but as the last image of WWE's flagship broadcast, it left a bad taste in my mouth . . . and Bischoff's.
ECW on Sci-Fi!:
ECW on Sci-Fi!: 11.07.06:
The Right:
Punk and Test to get Extreme - We got two more entrants into the extreme elimination chamber. First of all CM Punk qualified for the match, defeating Mike Knox. Punk is the first "new" ECW talent to make the match. Show doesn't count as he is established. Punk breaks a barrier here by being booked into this match and that is encouraging as far as the booking goes. Now as far as the match goes, it was around 8-minutes and it was actually pretty solid. Knox isn't much in the ring work wise, but he seems smart enough not to ruin things, which is good. Punk won and looked very strong, and Knox also came out looking ok. The thing is here is that their feud isn't over after the announcement that they will be on opposite sides of a Survivor Series match. Test was the next to advance. As far as the match goes I wasn't very excited. First of all we have seen the match before, secondly it wasn't very good at all. The good thing is that Test has been booked strong thus far and makes sense. Also, Test does well in weapons style matches where there doesn't have to be a ton of psychology. Over all we have 2 ECW Originals in RVD and Sabu, 2 ECW Transfers in Show and Test, 1 New ECW guy in Punk and what looks to be an outside force joining the match. At least they have my interest.
puRgatory:
Paul's Shocking Announcement - So Tazz and Styles hype this big announcement by Heyman, regarding the Extreme Elimination Chamber. He promised that by the end of the night that there would be 5-men confirmed for the chamber match, leaving the 6th spot open. He then announced that next week he would have an open contract for a shot at the ECW title, a spot in the extreme elimination chamber. On one hand this is a cool deal because it adds some intrigue to the match, a bit of excitement if you will. On the other hand I hate that they seem to be resorting to pulling talent from other brands to strengthen the PPV that is looking very weak. I hate to see that, and it also just keeps saying, "We don't give a shit about the brand extension!" That is a continuing trend for ECW, and all the shows really. Blah.
Burke and Turkay - This week saw Elijah Burke Productions present the greatest fighting team in all of sports, Elijah Burke and Sylvester Turkay. They only got a very short promo segment, but it came off pretty well. Burke is really strong on the mic already, and is actually fun to listen to. I also enjoy his ring work and I feel that he and Turkay as a unit could be good stuff. I would have preferred that they stay a tag team on Smackdown as they really need some, but they could fit really well in ECW. Turkay is the stumbling block I feel. He is just poor in the ring, and his "MMA" comes off fake as hell. It is sad when Punk's strikes look better that his. Hopefully they will be booked correctly and add something to the shows. Until then, we'll go purgatory and see where it goes.
The wRong:
Now playing the role of Sting…RVD - This week's ECW main event was RVD and Hardcore Holly vs. the Big Show and Paul Heyman. It was set up early in the show by Heyman and that seemed fine. Once we got to the match itself, even if you didn't read the spoilers you could tell what would happen. Show worked the whole time, which is a mistake due to his health, as did RVD. Right then I got the old time Sting vibe, the heebies and the jeebies and some oompa loompas if you will. It just went on forever, building for the "hot tag" which the crowd wanted, only for Holly to turn on RVD. He then rejoined Heyman and Show to close out this episode of ECW. This is after all the work of Holly seemingly turning face and after him taking an ass whooping the week before. It just came off as, odd I guess. Like they were afraid to let Holly be a face so they just turned him back. I suppose it isn't that bad a thing to some, but it just felt wrong to me.
The Ridiculous:
Nothing of Note
READER RANT TIME!
From Kenneth on JR and King -
Just a thought while watching Cyber Sunday last night: There's been a lot of talk about the announce team on RAW. Hell, there was a Fact or Fiction question *this week* about Lawler. Now, what I've seen of them on RAW it's pretty average, but in my opinion there's nothing better than JR and King doing a PPV. If anything, I enjoy them just for the little side comments throughout the show. For instance, when Piper came stumbling down to the ring, JR made the comment: "It looks like Piper's been up all night thinking about this one." Also, when Mickie James was coming down to the ring, and they were talking about voting on the internet, King mumbled off this gem: "Mickie James of course is no stranger to the internet…", a wonderful side reference to her "pictorial."
All in all, I give ‘em about a B. Yes, JR misses calls, and King's dirty old man shtick is getting old, but both offer years of insight and when motivated are some of the best in the business.
From Josh on JR and King -
Also, JR sucks. He and Lawler are the worst team in wrestling. King just yells "Puppies!" and crap like that the whole time, and JR doesn't know the name of half the moves he's trying to call. Plus, they just use the same tired old lines that they've been using for 10 years. It's like on the WWE video games when you get sick of hearing the commentators use the same limited dialogue over and over and over again, but that's what it's like in real life too. They completely take away from the action and make the show almost unwatchable.
From Tarek on Angle vs. Joe -
TNA (Angel versus Samoa Joe) - The first match of the Angle TNA career? Too rushed. Plus if there is a winner this will make Joe look weak and lose his unpinned/untapped streak with no real significance behind it like a title loss or a No.1 contender match. Second if Angle loses and I feel he will then that makes him look like a joke and his whole WWE career in turn a joke unless Joe takes the belt off whoever, and then drops it to Angle.
From Dana on Raw (10.30.06) -
OK, my quick notes for RAW October 30, 2006
The RIGHT: Mickie James on commentary. I thought she did all right commentating during the match between Lita and Maria. She seems to be picking up where Trish left off.
The WTF WRONG: How did the match between Orton and HHH build any heat for the DX vs. Orton & Edge match on Cyber Sunday??? HHH pedigrees referee Edge and puts him out before the match starts. Then, Orton & Edge are no match for HHH and his friend sledgie after the DQ ending. Why would I or anyone else want to watch their PPV match?
From Rogelio on Kennedy -
I don't think Kennedy was made to look like a punk in his match with Kane. Yeah, he is a big mouth but at least he wasn't running around the ring the whole match. I think he is being made out to look a guy who gets wins anyway he can (countout, DQ, help) and then bragging about it like he totally destroyed his opponent. I like the way he is being portrayed and I hope he continues to shine.
From Jim on Kennedy -
I agree with you, they are not booking Kennedy correctly. This kid could climb to the top, slowly perhaps, but he could make it, IF they book him in the right way. I really think Kennedy should be sent to Raw to work with Ric Flair.
