The Week in Hardcore: 11.18.06
Posted by Ari Berenstein on 11.18.2006
Guest host Ari Berenstein mans the helms of the column of the house of hardcore this week. Bobby Lashley’s dominance, ECW at the Survivor Series, the great disappearing act of the ECW extremists, news, results and more can be found right here!
Hey everyone and welcome to The Week In Hardcore. I am your guest host this week, hoping I don't live to regret the added work load (whoa boy, one extra column is added work load to me, but I'm sure Larry Csonka's ears are burning red right now). Stuart Carapola, your usual host who is most extreme (elimination challenge), is off on assignment. No, well, really, he's at his friend's wedding in one of the lands down under (specifically New Zealand) and in all likelihood is right now at the reception, stuck between two really hot chicks and deciding on who to attempt to woo while getting sloshed on Guinness or Killians or whatever is his preferred brand of alcoholic beverage. Maybe I'll just ask The Sandman for advice on that account.
So yes, you're here with me, the resident Ring of Honor guy, for the next three weeks of extreme, hardcore, EXTREME…column writing. I will try to play by the book as much as possible and as is the current ethical standard of writing for guest hosting I will be sticking to the original columnist's format of choice.
So you may know that as of late I have been totally neglecting WWE television such as Raw and Smackdown. Self imposed restriction for self preservation of sanity. Of course with TNA doing such ridiculous things as a reverse battle royal match as a part of a never ending tournament that serves only to push a guy who gets jobbed out the week after winning the thing, I'm heavily considering not watching TNA as well. That would leave me with Ring of Honor…and ECW.
I've actually been watching ECW consistently pretty much since its inception back in June. Of course, generally I only watch the first half of the show, up through the end of what I have affectionately dubbed the "CM Punk Spot", which roughly ends anywhere between 10:25 and 10:30 PM, EST. Don't you worry though my friends, for you regular TWIH readers I have braved through the additional half hour of WWECW EXTREME entertainment…and I aim to give you the results, news and insight of week….and of course, I will give it to YOU…HARDCORE!
On with it!
ECW On Sci-Fi Results // From 11/14/06 (1.6 Rating)
Live (TAPED) from England:
-CM Punk defeated Mike Knox via submission with the Uranage / Anaconda Vice combo (8:11).
-Tommy Dreamer defeated Daivari via DQ due to Great Khali interference (2:30).
-Bobby Lashley defeated Hardcore Holly via DQ due to Big Show pulling the ref out of the ring (6:25).
Match times thanks to Larry Csonk's ECW report.
Storyline Developments
-ECW Say Hello to Bobby Lashley, Bobby Lashley, Say Hello to ECW: OH YEAH! Bobby Lashley, rumored last week to be coming to the ECW brand (Lashley requested the move as a result of a falling out with Smackdown booker Michael P.S. Dok Hendrix Hayes) made his ever loving debut to ECW TV this week. He did it in a big way, first by attacking Hardcore Holly (who was WALKING (TM CRZ (OLDSKOOLREFERENCE OMGDOODZ)) towards the ring to sign an OPEN contract for the sixth spot in the elimination chamber…excuse me EXTREME elimination chamber). He kneed him, smashed him, left him laying. Then he speared the snot out of The Big Show (with SWEATPANTS), leaped to the ring, scooped up the open contract and signed his name to it. Thus, Bobby Lashley shows he is smarter than ALL of ECW's top HEELS, including the grand master genius puppeteer Paul E. freaking Heyman. Way to go Paul E.
-In the back, the F.O.P. (friends of paul) group blamed their #1 guy for the contractual faux pas, and wondered whether or not Lashley could get away with this. Heyman threatened to "lawyer up" (his intonation was hilarious), but I doubt he'll get anywhere, vis a vis the Shawn Michaels-Chris Benoit contract loophole of 2004. Maybe he can get Hardcore some Ben Gay for his scarred back to make up for it.
-Rob Van Dam, who Paul E. said would not be here tonight…which meant Rob Van Dam would wind up being here tonight. Lo and behold, at the end of the night during a post show brawl with involved Lashley, Test, Big Show, Holly and the security goon squad, who should come out to save…but CM PUNK and SABU! oh wait, they were swarmed and dealt with…oh yeah, then it was ROB…VAN…DAM! in for the save. Lashley then speared TWO men at once (the goon squad) and left in the ring at the end of the night basking in the glow of kicking ass and taking names, the newest member of ECW, Bobby Lashley, and old ECW faithful, RVD.
ECW Top Five (As voted by...ARI!)
All rankings are based on what happens on TV. House shows do not count. If it didn't happen on TV, it didn't happen.
ECW World Champion: Big Show
1) CM Punk: Undefeated and still counting. Punk has two wins in a row over current rival Mike Knox. He also seemingly has won the affections of a certain Kelly x 2. However, Lashley's entrance into the Extreme elimination chamber match may soon put an end to the win streak.
2) Bobby Lashley: He won his debut match in ECW via DQ, but I fail to see how Lashley should be any lower than number two this week. He dominated the top heels in ECW, starting and ending with Hardcore Holly, but also including Test, Paul Heyman, Heyman's Security and the ECW champ himself. All that plus entry into the main event of the ECW PPV--a hell of a debut for the man.
3) Tommy Dreamer: A DQ win is a win any way you count it. Dreamer actually has a decent win-loss record in this new era of extreme.
4) Rob Van Dam: No in ring action this week, but RVD returned the favor to his gaggle of nemeses this week.
5) Daivari: His first loss in ECW is not enough to take him out of the top 5 this week. Having The Great Khali as back up has proven to be very beneficial for Daivari.
Hardcore Backstage News
-Elijah Burke took over color commentary broadcasting duties for Tazz this week. According to 411 according to WWE.com, "Tazz missed the WWE European tour and will not be able to work ECW this week because he "received treatment for a torn meniscus, a frayed collateral ligament, frayed cartilage and arthritis" last week. The injuries were the result of his in-ring days."
Elijah did a fine job with the commentary. He was a bit quiet and understated at some points, but he did come up with several funny one liners, pimped himself and his partner Sylvester Terkay (who cut a fine form standing right next to Elijah in his suit and shirt). Elijah has a gift for gab and I wouldn't mind him doing more guest commentary duties as needed.
-Even though Bobby Lashley has made his debut in ECW, he continues to be booked on Smackdown television and house shows. Currently there is no word on if Lashley will be permanently split off to ECW or if he will continue to share time between these two brands.
-ECW's rating this week was 1.6 (Wrestling Observer).
Vital Social Issues N' Stuff With Ari
-Daivari, since returning to WWE television is once again sporting the stereotypical Arab foreigner gimmick and is speaking Farsi again—never mind that just a few months ago he was on Smackdown television managing Mark Henry and The Great Khali…and speaking very good English. I don't like the continuity gap (but then again WWE is full of more continuity errors than DC Comics pre and post Crisis). Also, I don't like the obvious xenophobic heel gimmick—it's too easy and quite frankly Daivari works well without it just using Great Khali as his bodyguard.
-Balls Mahoney-MIA. Kevin Thorn-MIA. Rene Dupree-MIA. Shannon Moore-MIA. Danny Doring-MIA. The Sandman-MIA. Stevie Richards-MIA. Justin Credible-Target. Where is the rest of the ECW roster?
How does WWE expect to fill out a PPV when no one on the undercard will get any decent time on television to set up angles? With two weeks to go, no other matches have been announced. In addition, Elijah Burke, Sylvester Terkay, Daivari and (shiver) The Great Khali will need to be booked in matches and probably protected considering they are the newcomers to the brand. I am very frightened at the prospect of seeing Khali in the ring, much less at an ECW PPV event. In all likelihood, these matches are going to be very much thrown together (actually this is quite the tribute to the old school ECW, but maybe in the wrong way). There will be no choice but to consider December to Dismember a "one match PPV".
ECW AT THE SURVIVOR SERIES
Well, a few weeks back many fans and websites were speculating on a triple threat elimination match, Raw vs. Smackdown vs. ECW. It turns out that the three way brand war has not come to pass. Instead, ECW wrestlers are joining up with wrestlers from other brands to participate in traditional Survivor Series 5 on 5 elimination matches.
CM Punk joins up with of all people, HHH and HBK of Degeneration X. This is a huge test for Punk, teaming up with of all people the heir to the throne of the company. By now it's old news that there were reports and rumors that HHH and Stephanie McMahon in particular were critical of Punk as a wrestler. Clearly, Punk must be doing something right as he is the lone ECW representative on the face side of this 5 on 5 encounter. Opposing him is current rival Mike Knox, still seething from back to back losses. Knox finds himself aligning with men who have deep axes to bear against their opponents, including Randy Orton and Edge. These men are spear heading a grudge against D-X, and Knox is the big man, the heavy hitter on their team.
Punk's never say die attitude and the vicious submission maneuver, the Anaconda Vice, may assist his team in the victory. Meanwhile, some huge hits from Mike Knox could reduce Punk, Matt or Jeff Hardy into the crusty mush on the inside of a bottle of toothpaste.
The other 5 on 5 elimination match boasts five men of extreme fortitude on either side of the equation. Lashley, RVD and Sabu provide the extreme auxillary for John Cena's team (which also consists of Kane). Altogether this is a formidable five man unit that maximizes it's strengths in brawn, brawling and chaotic action. They square off against ECW champion, The Big Show and his unit. Also representing ECW on that team is Big Show's ally Test. Smackdown's MVP and Finlay as well as Raw's Umaga are also a part of this force which likewise focuses on brawn and brute strength.
The strength vs. strength factor may cancel out some of the larger men in this match—and quite frankly MVP's inexperience is a serious detriment to Big Show's chances of dominating. Finlay may make up for that with his ability to brawl and use weaponry, but I think the key to this match lies in RVD and Sabu's suicidal maneuvers. IF they can wipe out their opponents with an onslaught of chairs and tables, then Cena's group may make it intact.
This is the sum of ECW's involvement in the Survivor Series pay per view. It certainly seems that ECW extremists are a healthy part of these elimination man matches.
Extremist Of The Week: Bobby Lashley
Big Bobby has dominated ECW in his debut. Not since The Big Show first transferred over to ECW has any other wrestler just come in to ECW and had their way with EVERYONE.
F'N Links
Stu may not be here in this column this week, but he does continue his novella about Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart in his latest edition of That Was Then.
Michael Weyer shines the spotlight on the history of the Survivor Series.
And of course you can always find me right here in the wrestling zone, writing about ROH (as well as odds and ends on TNA, WWE and the indie scene) in Column of Honor.
Extreme Outlook
With two weeks to go until December to Dismember, we are still lacking under card matches. Which extremists will make the most of opportunity and wind up with a spot on the card? Who will fight whom?
CM Punk is just beginning to interact with the upper crust of the ECW landscape. Two big wins against Mike Knox give Punker momentum as he heads into his Survivor Series match and the Elimination chamber match in two weeks. Does Mike Knox have any plans for retribution against the Straight Edge Super Hero?
Bobby Lashley may have made the biggest impact of them all, but what price will he pay now that he has raised the ire of ECW's "father", Paul E. Heyman?
When will the Zombie make his long awaited, much anticipated return?
Yeah…Zombie…he's hardcore. He's extreme. HE'S WHO I WANT TO SEE ON TV! Or Macho Libre… yeah…Macho Libre…oooooooooo yeah!
None of these so called garbage, err, I mean "hardcore" wrestlers…Sandman? Trash. Bobby Lashley? Bobble head doll, PLEASE. Big Show? Big NOTHING!
Banging Out
"You see I have a story to tell you. One day there was this old man walking down the road who came across a snake. The snake was hurt and the old man took him in, tended to him, cared for him, until he got all healed up.
Oh wait, you've head that one before huh? Well how about this story. The Greeks and the Trojans waged fierce war against each other for years. Then, one day, the Greeks came up with an idea, an ultimate surprise. They would build a horse made of wood, hide soldiers inside of it, and present it to the Trojans, who despite ample warning, accepted it as a gift. Only this horse, it wasn't a gift, it was a damned booby trap. Well, ECW, you're looking at the Trojan Horse!
To steal some much stolen words, say hello to my little friends!
…"American Dragon" Bryan Danielson!
…"The Samoa Submission Machine" Samoa Joe!
…"The Notorious 187", Homicide!
…Delirious!
…and last but not least, "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels!
These men represent a very special kind of wrestler, not extremist, WRESTLER. These men are some the finest representatives of respect, tradition, hard work and most of all, HONOR. So The Week In Hardcore, look out, because they are bringing the HONOR, right…to…you!"
