Getting Over 11.29.06: Monty Brown
Posted by Mike LaFave on 11.29.2006
The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated! I’m back, and for my return column, I’m getting over Monty Brown’s debut in the WWE!
I missed you, did you miss me? I like you, do you like me? I did that in a near perfect Borat voice, you should have heard it!
Before I get to Monty Brown, I'd like to spend a minute talking about someone near and dear to my heart…me. For those of you who would like to know the circumstances surrounding my extended leave of absence (which goes back into effect at the conclusion of this column) keep reading. Those who could care less, just skip down to where I start talking about Monty Brown.
Some of you may know this, but in addition to writing this column, I am a college student. I'm a junior at Utica College of Syracuse University. I'm a journalism major with a concentration in broadcasting. Take my word for it, a major like that requires a ton of writing. That's not all, I'm also the News Director of the campus radio station, so to say I'm a busy guy is like saying this past election night was not so good for Republicans, it's an understatement (yes, even though I'm full-blooded conservative, I can admit defeat). I was losing my hair trying to get all my papers and projects done and keep up with the column. So one weekend I thought about it extensively. I saw the long list of projects I had coming up and knew what had to be done. I called Larry and with a heavy-heart, explained the situation. Larry understood, and we can to an agreement that I was not leaving the site, merely taking a break. I told him that I had a long weekend for Thanksgiving and I should be able to write a column that week, so here it is. I'll be off again until this semester is over, and then I'll be back until spring semester starts, where at that time I'll decide if a full blown comeback is manageable or not. So I've explained the past, I've touched on the future, why waste time, let's hit up the present.
A loyal reader of mine, John, brought to my attention a while back that former TNA talent Monty Brown had signed a contract to be a WWE SuperStar. Well, when I heard that news, I pushed back the column I had planned on writing and pushed good ole Monty up to the front of the list. So with out further ado, here is my return column, Getting Over Monty Brown!
Getting Over Monty Brown :
(Fast-Forward to Armageddon) Armageddon 12/17 - The Chris Benoit/Chavo Guerrero feud has extended to Armageddon, with one difference, Montel Vontavious Porter has finagled his way into the picture. Teddy Long agreed to add him to the U.S. Title match at Armageddon, but it wasn't just a Triple Threat match, but instead a Fatal Four Way Elimination Match featuring champion Chavo Guerrero (I'm writing this pre-Survivor Series, but it will be posted post Survivor Series, so this is just my prediction), Chris Benoit, MVP and Kane! The match has gone on for ten minutes with out an elimination. All four men are fighting hard, not just for the right to be called the United States Champion, but also because of the hatred they have for each other. MVP has been isolated for most of the match and has narrowly escaped many near-falls. Benoit and Chavo wrestle away from the ring, reminiscent of Chavo's battles with Rey Mysterio. They fight there way back to the ring, both men now bloodied. They both pick up chairs, swing for the fences and clobber one another! MVP and Kane both decide to take advantage of the situation, MVP hops on top of Benoit's fallen body, while Kane cover the unconscious Chavo. The ref makes the double count and both Benoit and Chavo have been eliminated, there will be a new U.S. Champ tonight! MVP tries to right off the big red machine, but he has been on the wrong side of so much abuse for the early portion of the match that his gas light appears to be on empty. MVP hits a low blow on the monster and attempts to capitalize by going to the top rope. Kane recovers and grabs MVP by the throat, and choke slams his victim hard into the canvas. Kane stumbles before getting his bearings and heading over to make the cover, when out of nowhere, and large black man runs in and tackles Kane from one side of the ring to the other. He then positions himself to power bomb Kane. The man scoops Kane to his chest level, then lifts him high into the air and plants him hard on the mat with a devastating power bomb! He then walks over to the prone MVP, lifts him up and slams him on top of Kane for the three count! Your winner and NEW United States Champion, MVP!
SmackDown! 12/22 - The show kicks off with MVP's usual entrance. He struts down to the ring with his newly won U.S. title belt draped over his shoulder. Tony Chimmel hands him a mic and he addresses the crowd. "Last night, Montel Vontavious Porter showed the world exactly why he is the MVP! Last night, Montel Vontavious Porter showed the world exactly why he is the highest paid athlete in SmackDown! history, single handedly dismantling Chavo Guerrero, Chris Benoit, and that over-hyped big red has-been, Kane! And being the highest paid athlete in SmackDown! history comes with certain perks. You could say I have some pull around here. When an NFL team goes out and breaks the bank to bring in a new franchise quarterback to be the face of the organization, they tend to give the man what he wants. He doesn't like his number one wide receiver; the general manager goes out and finds him a new one. Well the same can be said for the relationship between MVP and SmackDown! general manager Teddy Long. Teddy knows he needs to protect his investment. So when I went to Teddy and told him about a close personal friend of mine, who happens to have played in the NFL, who happens to have played in two, yes, I said, two Super Bowls, Teddy jumped at the opportunity to bring him in. Ya know, I might be the MVP around here, but I couldn't do it with out my teammate, ladies and gentleman, I give to you, my teammate, Super Bowl Monty Brown!"
Monty comes down to the ring sharply dressed, his neck, wrists and fingers coated with bling. MVP passes the mic over to him. "My name is Super Bowl Monty Brown! I was a starting linebacker for the Buffalo Bills in there glory days. When they lost Super Bowl Monty Brown, that's when they became the laughing stoke of the National Football League. I've played in two Super Bowls. But all the success I've had in the past in nothing compared to the success I plan on having in the WWE. I will sack the competition here on SmackDown! I plan to intercept the ball and run in the distance for the game winning touch down! You SmackDown! fans and everyone back in the locker room will soon come to the realization that Super Bowl Monty Brown is an offensive juggernaut that is simply unstoppable…period!"
SmackDown! 12/29 - Teddy Long announces that tonight, we will see Monty Brown in action for the first time! Tonight, Super Bowl Monty Brown goes one-on-one against the big red machine, Kane.
Both men try to out-power one another. Kane eventually gets the best of the power exchange and hits several power moves on Brown in a row. Brown tries to make a few comebacks but is shutdown each time by Kane. Kane looks to have things well in hand when he runs over to the ropes and is tripped by MVP. Kane turns his attention to the outside of the ring, warning MVP to stay out of the match. Meanwhile, Monty is up on his feet and runs at Kane and tackles him full speed! Michael Cole is amazed by the distance Kane flew on the tackle, "Oh My God! Super Bowl Monty Brown just sacked Kane for a ten yard loss"! Monty then picks up Kane and delivers a scoop lift power bomb, which gets a comment out of JBL, "wow, talk about a game winning touchdown! That touchdown just ended this ball game"! Kane isn't able to get a shoulder up before the ref's hand hits a third time and Super Bowl Monty Brown is declared the winner of the match. Monty and MVP celebrate in the ring as we go to commercial. When we come back, both men are walking around ringside signing autographs. Teddy Long's music hits, "Now, hold on just a minute playas. You two want to call each other teammates and help each other win matches; well you'll have to help each other next week as you two will be in a tag team match. Your opponents will be, Kane and the rabid wolverine, Chris Benoit! But wait, that's not all, your match, it will be held in a steel cage! Now I know you can feel that! Holla, holla holla"!
SmackDown! 1/05 - All four men stand inside the cage, with each team demonstrating opposite demeanors. MVP and Monty seam reluctant and perhaps a little scared. Kane and Benoit on the other hand appear to be relishing the thought of the pain that is about to take place. Benoit and Kane waste no time in taking the action to Brown and Porter. They dominate, using the cage as a weapon. It's not long before both Monty and Montel are busted open. Kane and Benoit are like sharks when they see blood, attacking the open wounds. Kane and Benoit have things well in hand when Chavo Guerrero makes his way down from the back. Benoit is enrages by Chavo's presence and climbs over the top of the cage and chases Chavo to the back, leaving his partner alone. Kane goes to work on Super Bowl Monty Brown when MVP clips his knee from behind. The two are able to double-team the now out manned Kane. Monty sacks Kane and follows that up with his Touch Down finishing move. Kane sits up! They wait for him to get to his feet and MVP nails a spinning back kick to the mug of the big red machine. They both hop on top of Kane's massive body and weigh it down long enough to pick up the victory.
Smackdown! 1/12 - MVP is in Teddy Long's office arguing about his Royal Rumble qualifying match tonight. "Teddy, I am the MVP of SmackDown!. I am the highest paid athlete in SmackDown! history. I am the United States Champion! I should not have to qualify for the Royal Rumble; I should be in if just for being me!" Teddy Long doesn't like being second guessed and informs MVP that not only will he be in a qualifying match tonight, but because of his mouth, the U.S. title will be on the line!
Qualifying match between MVP and Vito, with the United States Championship on the line. MVP uses his anger to take control early in the match. He is not fazed when Vito attempts his usual horse play that Michael Cole refers to as, "he's having fun." Super Bowl Monty Brown joins Cole and JBL at the announce booth, hyping how making it through the NFL play-offs and getting to the super Bowl is much tougher than throwing 29 other men over the top rope and winning the Royal Rumble. MVP uses a spinning back kick to Vito's face to retain his title and qualify for the Royal Rumble.
SmackDown! 1/19 - Tonight is Monty's turn to fight for a spot in the Royal Rumble. His opponent is Funaki, who proves to be no match for Super Bowl Monty Brown. Brown throws him around the ring for a while, before finally stopping the relentless assault by sacking Funaki and nailing him with a Touch Down.
SmackDown! 1/26 - Super Bowl Monty Brown and MVP are shown signing autographs for fans at the merchandise stands. Both are signing the 8x12 gloss photos of themselves as, "the next Royal Rumble winner…". They argue a little about which one is going to win before finally agreeing that it will be one of them and that everyone else is a long shot Vegas underdog.
Royal Rumble 1/28 - MVP enters the Rumble at number 13. He has a few close calls, but is able to hang on until Super Bowl Monty Brown joins him at number 22. They team up and watch each other's backs, both making a couple saves for their teammate. They even manage to toss out a couple competitors. Kane enters the Rumble at number 26. He wastes no time in gunning after the men who have been making his life a living hell. He choke slams Monty Brown straight to hell! He has MVP all but gone when Monty runs over and sacks Kane right over the top rope and down to the floor. MVP is able to slide in under the bottom rope and remain in the Rumble. Monty is talking smack to Kane, who is being told he must leave by ringside officials. While Monty is rubbing salt into Kane's wound, MVP sneaks up on his teammate and tosses him over the top! Monty is obviously pissed, pushing the refs around when they tell him he's eliminated. MVP is able to stick around to the final four men before finally being eliminated by eventual Rumble winner, John Cena (yup, that's another prediction, he'll lose the belt at New Year's Revolution, win the Rumble and take his Championship back at WrestleMania 23).
SmackDown! 2/02 - MVP apologizes to Super Bowl Monty Brown and says he did it for the good of the team. "Monty, man, I was trying to win more championships for us. We are a team my man, and the more gold I have, the more gold we have." MVP's comments spark a light bulb in Monty's head. "More championships, that sounds good Montel that sounds real good. In fact, it sounds so good, I'm taking it upon myself to issue a challenge to you London and Kendrick! I'll give you two credit, you fought to tough sob's and you regained your titles. But now, let's see if you have what it takes to defend those straps against the United States champ MVP and Super Bowl Monty Brown, because frankly, I don't think you have the balls. I've slapped around punters bigger than you two. Think twice before accepting this challenge boys, because if you sign on the dotted line, that will mark the end of your championship reign…period"! (Yes, I'm predicting William Regal and Dave Taylor will win the Tag Team titles at Armageddon.)
SmackDown! 2/09 - In response to the challenge issued last week by Super Bowl Monty Brown, Teddy Long announces that if Monty and MVP both win single matches against the tag champs tonight, he will make the tag team championship match for No Way Out.
Monty is able to hold off a comeback by Paul London on the first match, with a Sack and a Touch Down.
Kendrick fights the U.S. champ tough and they have a 12 minute back and forth contest before MVP gets a role up with his feet on the ropes giving him the win and his team a shot at the belts!
SmackDown! 2/16 - Monty and MVP are in the ring wearing matching football jerseys. Super Bowl Monty Brown speaks first, "Teddy Long wanted us to earn out championship spot, kind of like a play-off to win the right to play in the big game. Well Teddy, if you honestly thought that we wouldn't swat those fly's you call tag team champions, then I think maybe you've taken a few hard tackles to the head yourself, because you must have brain damage boy! Bottom line, at No Way Out, it will mark the beginning of the most dominate tag team championship reign this sport has ever seen…period"! MVP has something to add, "Better make that a comma big boy. Monty is right; No Way Out will be a shining moment for SmackDown!. At No Way Out, SmackDown! will crown the two best athletes in SmackDown! history as the new tag team champions. You people don't believe me? Well you might not WANT to believe me, but deep down inside you know you do. I've overcome all the odds since I walked through the doors of the WWE. I've taken on a monster in not only a street fight but a steel cage. I've won the Untied States Championship, I've won a tag team cage match and I was even voted by my peers as the M.V.P. of the Royal Rumble. You people saw my performance, you know it's true. At No Way Out, I prove one more time why I deserve every cent I make. And after I retain my U.S. title tonight, and win at No Way Out, I will be a double champion, and the most dominate athlete in all of wrestling"!
MVP vs. Chris Benoit for the U.S. Title. MVP starts off strong. After a few minutes of getting beat down, Benoit makes a comeback and dominates the action. Benoit goes up for the flying head-butt, but MVP pulls the ref in the way. Super Bowl Monty Brown runs down to the ring and sacks Benoit. He picks up a life-less Benoit and hits him with the Touch Down! MVP nails a spinning back kick on Benoit and retains the title. Monty and MVP celebrate in the ring, when London and Kendrick run down and start throwing haymakers at their No Way Out opponents. London and Kendrick continue the beat down until MVP and Monty are able to slip away and escape to the back.
What happens at No Way Out? Who comes out of No Way Out as tag team champions? If Monty and MVP win the straps, who will they face next? Will London and Kendrick get a rematch? If London and Kendrick retain, then what's next for Monty and MVP? Who will be the road blocks on their Road to WrestleMania? All that and more in part two of Getting Over Monty Brown!
Over the Top :
I can't do an over the top, because you don't know how it ends yet. But what I can tell you is why I picked SmackDown! for Monty.
SmackDown! has been a victim of a talent raid. Recently they've lost Bobby Lashley, Turkey and Burke, Davari and Kahli, and Super Crazy. Not to mention Rey Mysterio is down for the time being. Now I honestly believe their roster is deep enough to withstand those losses. But the addition of a character like Monty Brown could definitely help to soften the blow.
Over There:
Let's keep talking about SmackDown!. I have been saying for months and months now that SmackDown! is the best wrestling show on television, and I still believe that's true.
After the SmackDown! before Halloween went down, I got an irate phone call from my good buddy Geoff Eubanks. He starts ripping the show apart and going on and on about how they just flushed all the good shows they had been having for months down the toilet with this one show.
Well I agree it was a weaker than normal show for SmackDown!. And for as much of a mark as I am, I HATE seeing the Boogey Man back on my television screen. I hate that they wasting a talented kid with a ton of potential, the Miz, on a program with that worm-eating old man. I'm also not sure what is going on with the Benoit/Chavo storyline. But to be honest, as long as it's not long and boring like the story between Eddie and Rey, I won't care because I know they are going to produce some quality matches.
SmackDown! is still delivering the best wrestling show on TV week after week. They have a great champion. I have to admit to never being a fan of Booker T. The man bored me. I remember falling a sleep while watching Booker wrestle on several occasions. But as much as I didn't care for Booker T, I LOVE king Booker! This character has re-energized Booker, both in the ring and on the stick.
SmackDown! also puts on great matches every week. It seems like every week they have a big match they've been building to and then a solid under card lined up around it. Almost reminds me of boxing pay-per-views. Big main event with a lot of build and then a few matches that you know will deliver in the ring around it.
Bottom line, I like Raw, I like ECW, but when Friday night rolls around, I know it's a can't miss show! SmackDown! for President in '08!!!
Over and Out:
I know it's been a while, so I hope I wasn't too rusty. Please feel free to send me feedback on how you like part one of Getting Over Monty Brown. I love and actually miss the feedback I used to get. Also, share with me what you think I have in store for part two. I hope you'll join me next time for the conclusion of Getting Over Monty Brown, until then, Over and Out!
