411's WWE 24/7 Online Adventure 11.30.06
Posted by Bob Day on 11.30.2006
Does Montreal celebrate Thanksgiving? I bet HBK does...
Guess who's back. Back again. Rusty's back. To nail your friend…yea. Anyway I'm back with another spectacular version of my brand new online adventure called…24/7 Online Adventure. Thanks to the (2) peeps who plugged me in their columns. I won't soon forget and those two individuals will be getting some early Christmas presents from myself as soon as I get their information…or money. But enough with the games, let's get onto the festivities. What a funny word-fest-iv-it-ies?
WWE Smackdown-November 11, 2005: Eddie Guerrero vs. Mr. Kennedy
Background: In the spirit of El Latino Raza, I present thee, my noble subjects, the late-great Eddie Guerrero's last match. This one is actually free, so even if your lame ass is too cheap to spend $4 on the monthly service, you can still view this one. The background on this match is basically Kennedy was the new kid on the block. He lost a few tag matches in prior weeks to Batista and Eddy, who had a weird dynamic that actually started getting Eddy cheered again, despite spending the entire summer tormenting the cuddly Rey Mysterio.
The Match: Before we start, let me just say that I don't get what the big deal is about Mr. Kennedy. The IWC is weird in that they'll get a new golden boy every six months and turn on him. It doesn't seem like that's happened yet with this guy. Don't get me wrong, he's not bad, but the guy has that slack-jawed look and repeats his name. Fuckin wow! Anyway, he does his mic shtick and Eddy comes out in the low-rider. What's the difference between a stereo type and celebrating heritage? Eddy in '00 or Eddy in '04? They start by feeling each other out, with Guerrero taking him to the mat, demonstrating his superior technical skills. Hammerlock and Kennedy makes the ropes. Kennedy offers a handshake as Eddy smiles. Kennedy slaps him and gloats, so Eddy pokes him in the eye and fires away with punches. He chokes him with the tag rope in the corner. Irish whip. Kennedy suckers Eddy in and sends him into the middle turnbuckle. Boot choke. Facewash by Kennedy? He covers for 2. Hammerlock by Kennedy as the fans get behind Eddy. Eddy counters out with some elbows and a belly to back suplex. 2 clotheslines, followed by the 3 Amigos. Kennedy counters the third and shoves him into the corner. He charges and eats an elbow to the mouth. They do a contrived double reverse Irish whip spot, which I hate, cuz u KNOW the ref is getting bumped. Eddy does that patented grin as he realizes the ref is down. The fans cheer as Eddy grabs a chair. The ref wakes up so Eddy pounds the mat with the chair and tosses it to Kennedy. He collapses to the mat as the ref turns around. The ref of course thinks Kennedy did it, as Eddy grins on the mat and points at his opponent. Eddy laughs and talks shit to Kennedy, proving he's smarter than the up-and-comer. Kennedy stands pissed as Eddy does the shimmy; only to turn around and get WHACKED! in the head with the chair! Kennedy shouts angry things and leaves. Referees help Eddy up as the fans do what they always did-cheer for Eddy.
Conclusion: Even though it's a 10 minute segment, the actual wrestling portion is only half of that. Still, it was a good action packed five minute contest. For a television match it was above average, and definitely would have helped Kennedy in the future by leading to more matches between these two. It may seem a little tasteless, but with all the other shit they've done surrounding Eddy's death, I'm surprised that neither Batista, Rey, Chavo, or Benoit ever had a problem with Kennedy, considering his chair shot was the last time we saw Eddy. Anyway, I recommend it so check it out. Plus, it's free. That's what's up cuz I said that's what's up.
Background: November 9, 1997. A day that will forever live in infamy. Well, at least to us. And Canada. Ah, yes. In the spirit of November I had to do this match. Does anybody need an explanation on the background of this one? Good. I, however just wanted to revisit the match itself and look at the wrestling as opposed to the controversy and see how the match holds up 9 years later. Here we go.
The Match: For some reason, we see dX standing outside of the locker room waiting on Shawn Michaels. HBK as the cocky heel worked so well. He just seemed like THE most arrogant fucker ever! I'm sure that has something to do with him getting jumped by some "marines" a few years earlier. But he comes walking out with his European title and some coke on his nose (joking). HHH as HBK's sidekick is funny in hindsight. The music hits and here come the boos. We get some funny French guy ring announcing. One must wonder what's going thru his mind, knowing what is to come in the next half hour. This honestly is great shit. HBK is walking down alone all smug. Not sure why dX were even shown beforehand. But anyway, he's walking down looking like a prick, and casually grabs a fan's Canadian flag. As he continues walking, someone throws water on him! HBK just tosses his hair like those chicks in shampoo commercials and gets in the ring. He takes the flag and does some gay little dance where he runs the flag between his balls and his ass. He then blows his nose and wipes his boogers with it and now the fans REALLY hate this guy! Good shit. More gay dancing. He lays the Maple Leaf down and starts humping it. Wow, this is why I don't talk about wrestling with my other friends. It's weird when you look back and see how damn near the whole arena had signs during the late 90's. The Hart Foundation walks Bret to the ring and this seems like the biggest title match in a long time. The music hits and the arena erupts! Bret comes out waving the Canadian flag. Jim Ross cryptically informs us that we'll probably never see this match again! Shawn stands outside and verbally spars with the ringside fans as Bret stands in the ring, looking none too impressed. There are some funny signs in the crowd, and even a couple anti-Hitman ones. "Bret, why wait? Leave now", "Welcome DX" and "Rick Rude would rather be in Chyna". HBK runs in and attacks with a flurry of punches. Bret fights back and knocks him to the outside. The match has yet to start as Bret kicks his ass in the aisle. He throws Shawn over the rail into a sea of Canadians. Eww. Didn't Scott Steiner call Canada Northern Mexico? We see numerous "officials" and the Chairman himself, Mr. McMahon at ringside. Hmm… HBK sends him to the steps. They go back into the crowd with Shawn dominating. HBK tries a piledriver in the crowd(!), but gets backdropped over the rail. Bret just straight punts him in the nuts. Lawler ponders why Vince is at ringside. HBK gets beat up some more. He'd stupid enough to try another piledriver in the aisle, only get backdropped again. Bret follows with a suplex. Shawn punches Pat Patterson just to do it, but Bret continues to kick his ass. The "hero" Bret Hart punches a ref. He jaws with Vince. Bret kicks his ass for another couple minutes. He throws HBK back in and chokes him with the Quebec flag as the bell FINALLY rings. Leg drop to the back of the head. Inverted atomic drop, complete with classic spinning oversell. They cover up an audible call by HBK by saying he's talking shit to Bret. Good announcing. Shawn hits the flying forearm followed by the kip up. He pays Bret back for earlier by kicking Bret in the face while he was lying on his stomach, as well as choking him with the flag. The fans get on him and HBK taunts back. There's a group of about 6 guys that look like they wanna beat his ass. Just to prove he's a dick, he tosses Bret outside right in front of them, just to give them an up close view of him beating up their hero. He suplexes Bret stomach-first onto the steps. He takes the Canadian flag, breaks the stick on his knee, and drives the broken part into Bret's throat! Double axe handle. It's rest hold time as we get a front face lock. It only lasts about a minute as Bret powers out by tossing HBK on his stomach. Bret goes to work on the leg. See, this is one thing that bothered me. If anyone has ever been put in the Sharpshooter, you know that the hold hurts your back a lot more than it does your leg or knee. Why not just work on the back. What makes it seem more dangerous by claiming it hurts the legs? Shawn back in control, hits a body slam. He goes for a crossbody, which Bret reverses. Shawn kicks out, but Bret kicks him in the knee and applies the figure-four around the ring post! I wonder why no one else does that move. Bret gets back in the ring and continues to work on the leg. Figure-four, but Shawn turns it over. Bret runs thru some of his moves of DOOM and climbs to the top rope for some reason. This is the key moment of the match. Michaels shoves the ref in the way and gets knocked down by Bret. Shawn gets the Sharpshooter as Earl Hebner is miraculously up and calls for the bell! Earl takes off as the announcers don't even know what happened. Shawn fakes anger as HHH comes out and escorts him to the back. Bret spits in Vince's face as no one can believe it!
The Conclusion: Where to start. Well, in my opinion, the greatness of this match is overshadowed by the controversy. Of course, everyone assumes that the two names involved would always put on above average matches, which they did. But I think this was better than good. This match EASILY tops anything they did 5 years earlier at the '92 Survivor Series. Granted there was way much more heat for this one, but Shawn in perfectly played his part as the arrogant Anti-Canadian dick. If this match was to take place today with different participants, I can't think of one guy off the top of my head that could generate the amount of heat HBK had. But to be fair, there were definitely some dX fans in the crowd. I think the closest thing we'll see to that much heat in a long time will be Cena/RVD from ONS 2. Now that I think of it, those two matches have a lot in common. We also miss Bret's tantrum after the show went off air. Anyway, a great match by two of my personal favorites of all-time. It's a shame shit had to go down how it did, but those are the breaks. Another things that's a shame is how much WCW fucked up Bret's run, and in particular his debut. They could have had a good dynamic going with Hogan, Sting, and a tweener Hart in the main event, along with The Outsiders, DDP, Giant, Goldberg, Flair, and Steiner in the upper card. Oh well. Either way, this is a must-watch for historical purposes as much as for the match itself.
WWE Taboo Tuesday 2005: Street fight: Batista vs. The Coach, Vader, & Goldust
The Background: We go from that piff to some bullshit. Or, as my white readers might say- awesome to Wrestlecrap. Yea, you can't win ‘em all. Anyway, this was supposed to be Coach vs. Stone Cold, as they had been building a feud on RAW for a while, as Coach was finally gonna get revenge on Austin. But, Stone Cold took his cooler and went home once again, allowing the ‘E to give Batista something to do on a Tuesday, other than wrestling on Smackdown. The 3 choices for the match stipulation were a Verbal Debate, an Arm wrestling contest, or a Street Fight. How stupid.
The Match: For some reason, Coach is allowed to have back up for this match. Why he wouldn't pick a real bad ass like Chuck Liddell or Jeff Hardy I don't know. Batista just pops up for no discernible reason. The King and Styles cream themselves over the Smackdown champ coming out. Goldust looks old, and Vader looks terrible. These two "legends" get their ass kicked by Batista, until they regroup and double-team him. Coach shouts encouragement. Batista hits a lame spear. Goldberg made the shit look like it hurt. Edge makes it pussified. Batista just makes it look lame. Batista goes to suplex Vader, but has to stall and wait for Goldust to find a kendo stick to hit him with. The two old-timers hold Batista down as Coach whips him with a belt. The fans chant for Austin, sorry. Batista breaks free and hands out some "powerful" clotheslines. He whips bitches with the belt and gives Vader a spine buster. He slaps Coach, and follows with a Metro sexual Bomb to put him away.
The Conclusion: Well, this match sucks. I really wouldn't watch it again. Unless you're yearning to see Goldust and Vader look old and useless, or you like to hear Joey Styles and Lawler sound like jackasses, don't watch this one. It did at least provide Batista a chance to look good squashing some scrubs. He was the #1 guy on Smackdown at this time, and it allowed him to go back to a RAW ppv and smash some non-wrestlers in a handicap match.
The Background: This was during the kinda funny "Mattitude" phase of Hardy's career, when he had neat-o "Matt facts" displayed during his entrance. He also had two little MF'ers following him around in Shannon Moore, and later Crash Holly. Kidman had a nice thing going for himself in the mid-card, He and Cena lost in the Smackdown tag title tournament, which served as a catalyst for John Cena's heel turn at the end of '02. He went on to win the Cruiserweight Title at Survivor Series a few weeks later. Kidman had been fending off the MF'ers since the start of '03, but dropped the title to Hardy at No Way Out. So here's the rematch.
The Match: Kidman displays tons of charisma as he saunters into the ring. Hardy tries a quick rollup for 2. Kidman comes back with a head scissors and dropkick. Hardy rolls thru a sunset flip and slingshots him to the outside. This was also during Matt's run where he was trying to make the Cruiserweight weight limit. Hardy chokes him and hits a gut wrench. He applies a submission hold as Tazz and Cole comment on "Block Busta" news about Brock Lesnar. Kidman hits an Inziguri. Cole comments how Kidman is "exploding" as he lays on the mat. They do the HBK-patented spot where Matt charges and lands horizontally on the top turnbuckle. Kidman kicks him a few times and Matt lands crotch-first on the top rope. Sky High-type move, although he didn't really get him that high. Matt kicks out and reverses and Irish whip. He eats boot and Kidman does the goofy yodeling leg drop spot. Tazz proves he's a goofball too. We get a Stratusfaction from Kidman. He goes for the Shooting Star, but Moore pulls his mentor out. Kidman dives at both of them. Kidman chases Moore around the ring, but runs into a Side Effect! Kidman kicks out. As Moore stands on the apron, Kidman tries to whip Hardy into him, but Matt reverses. Kidman collides with Moore as Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the victory.
The Conclusion: Decent enough little match. Cruiserweights do so much that you can see a five minute match and think it was good. Compare that to a match between Kane and Big Show. Anyway, Hardy looked like a winner here, and Kidman didn't look bad. Hardy would go on to beat Rey Mysterio at WM and feud with other cruiserweights. Kidman would go on to team with Mysterio for a couple months and put on some great tag matches against Team Angle, aka the World's Greatest Tag-Team. All in all, it's only five minutes so it's worth it.
Well, well, well. We've finally come to the end of our adventure today. I'm actually glad as this column writing shit is tedious at times. Good thing I only write every two weeks. So with that said, I'm out. It looks like it's gonna snow tonight, and I have a job interview tomorrow for a job which requires me to be outside at all times…fuck. Before I go, did anyone hear about Trish Stratus training to be a cop in Muncie, Indiana? This town is like 3 hours from me and although I'd never go anywhere in southern Indiana willingly, I'd go drive drunk, speeding, and with no seat belt on just to get harassed and searched by this bitch! 1~
