411 PPV Roundtable Preview: ECW December to Dismember 2006
Posted by Stephen Randle on 12.02.2006
Hey, someone remind WWE Creative that they still have a PPV to book this weekend.
Good morning, everyone. I'm Stephen Randle, here to welcome you to the Roundtable that almost didn't happen. See, as of Wednesday night, this PPV consisted of exactly two matches. Not exactly a huge timeframe for making predictions, plus what's the point in making a Roundtable for two freaking matches?
Then, in a flash of insight, we decided just to throw caution to the wind, and have everyone throw out their own wild predictions, thoughts, and curses for this, the worst promoted, worst prepared, smallest announced card of any PPV I've ever seen. Hell, we even predicted the matches they actually had booked anyway. Fortunately (I guess), WWE did add a couple undercard matches by Friday, so we threw those in too if we had time. Basically, this is your opportunity to watch the 411 staff mock the inability of WWE Creative to actually book any matches for the first ECW PPV since the third brand became active. Kudos, guys.
I myself didn't have time to get my own digs in, outside of this cleverly crafted introduction, but let's see what the rest of the staffers had to say. No role call, everyone had different thoughts in mind, everyone gets their own personal section.
So, sit back, have a laugh, and enjoy this little potpourri that just might be what you see at ECW December to Dismember. Our guess is as good as yours. Or as good as the WWE writing staff, at this point. Who knows.
Larry Csonka, The Boss
Hardcore Holly vs. Sandman
Sandman is doing nothing lately, I can't even remember when he was last on ECW TV. That doesn't bode well for the Sandman. Holly has had good matches and was getting pushed, but has lost to RVD recently so I see him getting back on the winning track here with a win.
Winner: Hardcore Holly
Daivari w/Great Khali vs. Tommy Dreamer
This is here because Dreamer beat via DQ a while back and Khali beat his ass after the match. Hopefully Daivari doesn't get buried here, like so many others have the last few weeks, and picks up the win. Dreamer should then be beat down and left bloody to get the tandem over even more. Before they get buried.
Winner: Daivari
The Hardy Boyz vs. MNM
I like and dislike this at the same time. They have already reunited the Hardyz two times in the last week. They have made NO EFFORTS to have a real tag team division, so if they decide to put them back together full time it would be a waste. Unless they combine the tag titles and run them on all three shows, which COULD be fun. Also you then have the "who gives a fuck about the brand extension" rant I have, where they just toss anyone anywhere and don't give a flying fuck about the brand extension they started. Another thing is the reuniting of MNM. While I loved them as a team, and think another run with them would be good because the first got cut short, I think it is a mistake. Nitro is having a great run as a singles right now, and I think has the potential to be great. Pushing him back to a tag team shows they either lack confidence in him or have no plans for him right now. On the bright side, Mercury is back and they have something for him to do. We'll see how this ends up, but it will either be very good or very bad. I feel I should bring up one little point. The last time we saw MNM they had lost and blew up and were fighting amongst each other. Then Mercury disappeared. Am I the only one remembering this? Continuity anyone? Since they have stressed the "One Night Only" deal, I suppose young MNM lose here, they beatdown Mercury and he stays in ECW land.
Winner: The Hardy Boyz
Big Show (c) vs. CM Punk vs. Test vs. RVD vs. Sabu vs. Lashley - Extreme Elimination Chamber - ECW Championship
And here we have it, the Extreme Elimination Chamber. So let me get this straight, a chair, table, crowbar and barbed wire bat is it? That is all? FOUR weapons is what is making the regular chamber into an extreme chamber? No crazy shit hanging from the cage? No wacky hit a buzzer and get a Singapore cane instantly deal? No trap doors with a bed of spikes or piranhas? Seriously, they have hyped and hyped this match as something special and this is all we are getting? Lame…not cool…totally lame.
As for the match, I guess we should discuss that huh? First of all for this match to be any good, I would start off with Punk and RVD. I think Punk working the long stretch will be for the best. Show has to be last due to his physical condition. Sabu sure the hell isn't winning, and I doubt they will pull the trigger on Punk this soon. Test is doubtful and I expect Show to lose. That leaves RVD and Lashley. Management doesn't seem to want RVD to win the title, but I won't rule it out. Lashley was moved for a reason and is the most likely. Flip a coin.
Winner: Lashley
OTHER:
I am not picking matches off of a dartboard like the WWE creative team will do for this show, no, I will rant on this whole deal here. Besides, they have buried everyone else so much that it wouldn't matter. Add to the fact that Stevie and Al Snow will be detailing HHH's car and I am out of people to pick. Maybe we can get a 20-minute promo from Matt Striker that will make me pull a Van Gogh and chop an ear off to end the pain. I cannot stress enough how much they have dropped the ball in building this PPV. It is truly a one-match show. Then they decide to pull the Hardy's out of the mothballs for it, but devalue that by continually keeping them on TV in matches, when people would have paid good money to see it. Hell, the upcoming Armageddon PPV already had three matches set for it and that PPV isn't until the 17th! Some will say that, "This is the way the old ECW did PPV, it was exciting, anything could happen" and all of that bullshit. Well, if you haven't noticed, that wasn't the best of business models to follow kids.
In my opinion, WWE is relying WAY too much on the old nostalgia name of ECW, their name in WWE, the Hardy's and in the gimmick of the Elimination Chamber. It amazes me that the "greatest wrestling company in the world" can build such a piss poor event. Luckily for them this will do a decent number, even if the ticket sales are piss poor. The name "WWE" basically promises you 100,000 buys. Add a gimmick like the Elimination Chamber, and you get 20,000 more. Add in the "ECW" name and I would go another 10,000 buys. So I guess I will say this does 130,000 buys, which is very generous; especially when you consider the fact that this show is one week after Survivor Series.
Jeff Small, The Small-For-All Sunday News Report, Final Fantasy Heat Report
The FBI vs. Sylvester Terkay & Elijah Burke
So are the FBI faces, heels, or just plain ole JTTS? Considering that Burke and the Man-Bear were defeated quite easily on Tuesday night, I wouldn't necessarily call them stars. However, they are higher up on the hardcore food chain which is why they will pick up the win.
Winners: Terkay & Burke
Mike Knox vs. Balls Mahoney
Why will this match happen? Because it's funny to say Knox/Balls. At least to me it is. Match won't be pretty, though.
Winner: Mike Knox
Davari (with the Great Khali) vs. Tommy Dreamer
NOTE: Small actually predicted this match before it was announced. All hail his powers of foresight! If only he'd predicted a better match.
I think these two men were feuding a couple of weeks ago. Hell, this is just an excuse to get Dreamer on the card and to have him put someone over.
Winner: Davari
Kelly Kelly vs. Ariel vs. Trinity vs. Rebecca - Extreme Bra & Panties Match
CATFIGHT!!!
Winner: Who cares as long as we see titty!
Hardcore Royal Rumble to Gain Entry into the Real Royal Rumble
Considering there's like 15 heels on the roster left off the card (Striker, Moore, and Dupree) and like two faces (Al Snow and Terry Funk), it makes the most sense to get everyone on the card in one huge clusterfuck of a match that ECW is known for. If this match does not happen, I expect a clusterfuck of a segment involving all of the non-used wrestlers.
Winner: Kevin Thorn
The Zombie vs. Macho Libre
If only dreams could come true.
Winner: The Fans
Hardcore Holly vs Sandman
I'm glad to see Sandman is not looked at as an afterthought compared to 95% of the roster. That said, he is severely limited in non-Extreme Rules matches which gives the edge to Hardcore Holly. At least with the confirmation of this match, we know that the telecast will now last 10 minutes longer just so the Sandman can have his entrance.
Winner: Hardcore Holly
The Hardy Boyz vs MNM
This should be without-a-doubt the match of the night unless the Zombie/Libre match happens. Nitro has looked quite impressive recently and the Hardyz have not lost a step in the ring together. Plus, we don't have to worry about the match not having time since there's no Cryme Tyme segments needed on this PPV.
Winners: The Hardy Boyz
Big Show (c) vs CM Punk vs Test vs RVD vs Sabu vs Lashley - Extreme Elimination Chamber - ECW Championship
While Lashley is a step-up from Bob Sapp, he's still not the right person to win this match. From a storyline standpoint, RVD deserves (and needs) this win; however, since the arrival of Lashley, RVD is no more a (kevin) thorn in Paul Heyman's side. As for the match, expect Heyman's security guards to make an appearance in addition to tons of blood, missed spots, and "Holy Shit" chants. You know, like a normal ECW PPV main event (minus the Justin Credible era).
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Andy Clark, The Shimmy
Sylvester Terkay vs. Little Guido Maritato
Terkay needs some squashes, why not make people pay to see it?
Winner: Like I need to tell you
Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney
Striker can have his "Striker's Classroom" segment on the show, insult the wonderful people of Augusta, Georgia by calling them ugly, and then their champion can arrive for an impromptu match. I would say Striker wins, but they need to pop the crowd somehow.
Winner: Balls Mahoney
Mike Knox vs. Kevin Thorn
Look, I know they're heels, but come one, their chicks are feuding. Anyhow, I think Thorn could actually get over as a popular heel.
Winner: Kevin Thorn
The Great Khali vs. Tommy Dreamer
Bye bye, Tommy.
Winner: The Great Khali (and please give him some promo time!)
Extreme Catfight: Kelly Kelly vs. Ariel
They only need to book this match for Joey Styles to scream "Catfight! Caaaaatfiiiight!" and Tazz can do his lame Jerry Lawler impersonation.
Winner: Ariel (after backfired help from Knox)
Hardcore Holly vs. The Sandman
I still think Holly should be in the main event. If Heyman wanted to really make the match extreme he could have had SEVEN men instead of six.
Winner: Hardcore Holly
The Hardys vs. MNM
So no more "Team Xtreme?" Thank God. And would somebody please tell me what brand Joey Mercury is on? This should be a great match, and given the lack of announced card this may get a decent amount of time.
Winners: Hardy Boyz/Team Xtreme/The Hardys
Extreme Elimination Chamber Match
I think this match had more intrigue BEFORE Heyman announced the weapons. Seriously, ONE table? That's it? Sabu can break that getting into the ring. Of them six men Sabu is really the only one without a shot of winning. I've gotta think the ECW main event at WrestleMania has to be some combination of Bobby Lashley, RVD, CM Punk, or Hardcore Holly, so the wheels should start moving here. Judging from the staredown in England I'm saying Lashley-RVD. The non-finish in the Big Show-Lashley match on Tuesday also sets up a rematch at the Royal Rumble.
Winner and NEW ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley
John Meehan, Meethinks
Hardcore Holly vs. Sandman
Honestly? I think ECW's ppv has been left scarce BY DESIGN and not just because we're in the middle of a five-week PPV stretch. WWE has wanted ECW to be "fresh, alternative" and "spontaneous" as compared to its better produced, more-polished "big brothers." As such, not announcing what will take place on the PPV lends (false) credibility to the notion that "ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN ECW!" and it gets WWE out of a creative jam as they can pass off the show as "edgy" and "extreme" simply by underpromoting it to the point where EVERYTHING that takes place in the undercard will, technically speaking, be seen as 'spontaneous' and 'unexpected' simply because they didn't announce all that much in advance. As for Holly versus Sandman as a late addition? This is a smart pairing, as both men have a modicum of "name value" that helps to lend casual-interest credibility to at least one of the last-minute additions to the undercard. Kinda sets a precedent that "hey, that could be a good, brawling match" so fans go into Sunday thinking that WWE will load up the rest of the show with similar late-in-the-game surprises.
Winner: Hardcore Holly
Diva Catfight: Ariel vs. Trinity
Promoters loves them some diva action, and while fans aren't likely to pop a bon - err, BUYRATE - due to an "epic" showdown like this one, it could easily be enough to round out an undercard with some "perfectly acceptable filler" that'll be good for what it is. I'd put Kelly in this match, but MeeThinks she'll be involved with Punk later on in the night - so we've gotta' keep her offscreen till then.
Winner: Ariel
Kevin Thorn vs. Ballz Mahony
Yes, this one's already been done time and again and seen its logical conclusion, but a grudge match pairing between these two guys might just be more than enough to give the PPV a bare-bones, no-frills, just "settle the score" edge to help their supposed EXTREME credibility. If so, look for Thorne to get the win.
Winner: Kevin Thorn
Impromptu Open Challenge: Matt Striker vs. ???
You can almost GUARANTEE that we're going to be seeing Matt Striker in one form or another on this Sunday's PPV, so why not put him in a segment where he'll do what he does best - egg on the crowd until somebody shows up to kick his ass. Regardless of who the "surprise" challenger is, fans will instantly go nuts over him simply because he'll be there to shut Striker up. Heck, this one might even be a perfect opportunity to use an otherwise forgettable, "yeah, I guess he's okay..." type guy like Tommy Dreamer. Just to be a dick, though, it's all the more effective a segment if Striker pulls out the cheap win.
Winner: Matt Striker
Rest-of-Roster Shmozz Brawl (Winner gets a primo spot - say #30 - in the Rumble, as if THAT's ever helped)
Call it a battle royal, call it a hardcore clusterfuck, call it an elimination match, a gauntlet or what have you - bottom line is ECW is hard-up for matches and even harder-up for singles matches with credible competitors. As such, look for the scrubs to score some face time and everybody gets a payday.
Winner: Let's say Dupree.
The Hardy Boyz vs. MNM
If this really is a "one night only" reunion for MNM (notice the Hardyz never said it was a one-off deal for them), then logic dictates that they will likely need to walk out of the match with an underhanded win in order to leave the door open for a much-anticipated reunion/rematch in the future. Heck, if done right - Hardyz (on RAW and Smackdown!) can each find themselves indepently occupied with Nitro and Mercury, respectively, for the next few months - and PRESTO! You're staring at a taylor-made war-to-settle-the-score grudge match with plenty of backstory for WrestleMania 23. Fans eat that stuff up, and I think it'd be a great way to occupy four solid upper-midcarders in a fresh variety of singles-building-to-tag feuds until March.
Winners: MNM
Extreme Elimination Chamber
My fantasy card is just seven matches, so this one should get plenty of time. We all know the belt isn't going to Sabu any time soon, and WWE brass probably can't help but think that Sabu's bad attitude is a frustrating reminder of Van Dam's behavior of not so long ago. As such, Van Dam is probably out of contention, too. That leaves us with Lashley, Test, Show and Punk. Test is a heel and a nobody, so that's not gonna' happen. Show is edging toward retirement and looking to reduce his workload, so he's a longshot. Punk is an IWC wet dream, but you can't honestly tell Mee that McMahon-friendly Triple H and Shawn Michaels took too kindly to fans cheering for Punker over them at last week's Survivor Series - so politics might put him out of the running here too. Maybe a Kelly Kelly distraction? Yeah, why not. This leaves us with Black Lesnar, err... I mean "Bobby Lashley." With Bobby Lashley getting the end of show beatdown to close out ECW this week, I think the smart money and 50/50 booking says that he's your odds-on-favorite to walk out of Sunday's PPV with ECW Gold.
Winnner: Bobby Lashley
Sat, High Road/Low Road
Triple Threat Tag Match: FBI versus Terkay/Burke versus Heyman's Security
It's an easy way to get everybody on the pay per view and Terkay/Burke can get the win.
Winner: Terkay/Burke
Matt Striker will give a segment and then he will get beat up by some new ECW extremist.
Kevin Thorn versus Balls Mahoney
The best heel versus the only face.
Winner: Kevin Thorn
Hardcore Holly vs Sandman
I wonder what the reason for this match is. Whatever the reason is, the winner will be the guy that has been getting the most TV time.
Winner: Hardcore Holly
Daivari w/Great Khali vs. Tommy Dreamer
Didn't this match already happen on ECW on Sci-Fi and didn't the Great Khali interfere. This match should be Khali versus Dreamer.
Winner: Daivari
The Hardy Boyz vs MNM
MNM is supposedly together for one night only. MNM did gets the upperhand on ECW, so the Hardy's are going to win.
Winner: The Hardy Boys
Big Show (c) vs CM Punk vs Test vs RVD vs Sabu vs Lashley - Extreme Elimination Chamber - ECW Championship
Big Show is losing the title here because of his injuries. Sabu isn't winning because he doesn't want a job. Test seems highly unlikely. CM Punk would be a good choice, but he hasn't been in the WWE for that long of time. RVD seems like a logical choice, but Vince is going to have doubts, so that leaves one man left...
Winner: Lashley
Steve Cook, News From Cook's Corner, OVW/HWA Report, Ask 411Wrestling
I'm going the opposite direction of Csonka on this one...I will pick matches out of my Bengals hat. WHO-DEY! For the record, anybody listed on the ECW Extremist page that isn't currently booked is in the hat...that includes Heyman & the announcers. I'm also randomly making up stipulations for each match, making certain ones tag matches, triple threats, that sort of thing. This should be fun.
Match 1:
Little Guido vs. Al Snow
Wow, I've already stumbled onto something that could be better than anything else on this show. I rule!
Winner: Guido (Al Snow win a match? That'd really be crazy-talk.)
CW Anderson & Matt Striker vs. Kelly Kelly & Balls Mahoney
OK, how to make this work...got it. You put C-Dub over as the tough guy of the team and have him win the match by spinebusting Kelly Kelly. Then you've got a C-Dub/Punk feud, which is cool since the best match I've seen Punk have in ECW was with C-Dub.
Winners: Anderson & Striker
Ariel vs. Paul Heyman vs. Great Khali
Undoubtedly this would be the greatest Triple Threat match in ECW history.
Winner: Ummmmmmmm, all three for getting a PPV paycheck.
Trinity vs. Jazz
All right, we're back on track now with a pretty solid women's matchup.
Winner: Trinity (she's the only one ever on TV, after all)
Danny Doring vs. Sylvester Terkay
Terkay needs to be re-built, so here's a match for him to do that in.
Winner: Terkay
Elijah Burke, Mike Knox & Kevin Thorn vs. Joey Styles, Rebecca & Stevie Richards
Well, the first team makes sense.
Winners: Burke, Knox & Thorn
Not included in the show: Rene Dupree, Shannon Moore, Tazz, Terry Funk & Tony Mamaluke
Hardcore Holly vs Sandman
Holly's kinda been getting the bitch role in Heyman's group of heels, and I'm thinking it continues here.
Winner: Sandman
Daivari w/Great Khali vs. Tommy Dreamer
Poor Tommy.
Winner: Daivari
The Hardy Boyz vs MNM
I refuse to pick the Hardys in anything, and I've missed those crazy MNM kids.
Winners: MNM
Big Show (c) vs CM Punk vs Test vs RVD vs Sabu vs Lashley - Extreme Elimination Chamber - ECW Championship
I picked Lashley in this week's Ask 411 Wrestling, and I'm sticking with that pick. They didn't move him to ECW for nothing...or did they?
