The Fink’s Payload 12.04.06: Indy Talent
Posted by Sforcina-Marsico on 12.04.2006
There is talent out there. But how to bring it in? That’s the question, eh Fink?
Matt: Hello, and welcome to the Payload, which, as far as I'm aware, is keeping its coveted Monday spot, thus proving that FINK is GOD! Or that Larry didn't notice us. One of the two. I am Mathew Sforcina, your Evolution Schematicer, now seen on Wednesdays, thus proving…not much really.
Matt: Well, let's get down to business. To start with, Dan from Brooklyn NY wants to use a legend to bring in a Dragon, but not the legend you'd expect...
On SD former WWF Champion and resident nut case Mr. Bob Backlund enters Teddy Long's office screaming about finding the heir apparent...the "Greatest Wrestler on the Planet." Long asks who but Backlund is just rambling and eventually runs out of the office. Next week, Backlund returns with a contract and asks Long to sign the "Greatest Wrestler on the Planet." Long says no because he doesn't even know who Backlund is talking about. Backlund says to get ready because he is going to be at the next SD PPV and he is going to be ready to wrestle. Long says if Backlund's guy shows up and wins his match convincingly, he will sign him. At the next SD PPV (No Way Out, or Judgment Day) Funaki comes out to accept the match and out comes Backlund with the former ROH World Champion Bryan Danielson!!! Danielson is out in a stylish robe but wears his Backlund style wrestling trunks and absolutely dismantles Funaki hitting a Dragon Suplex, Benoit-Headbutt, roaring elbow and finishing him with Backlund's old Crossface Chickenwing as Backlund screams his praises. After, Backlund gets in the ring and shouts that Danielson will be just like him, the greatest wrestler and the greatest World Champion!
Matt: I approve of using Backlund as a manager. I'm not sure Bryan would either fit well in WWE, or want to fit, but still, replace Bryan with any small technical guy and this will work very well. After all, got Angle over.
Nick: Short and sweet, works for me. At least Long doesn't sign people sight unseen like some other General Manager who shall go unnamed.
Matt: Next, Randy Tourett has pink and black in mind…
Since Survivor Series just happened; this would be the best time for Teddy Hart's debut. During a DX tag match where they will be squashing some random team, have Bret Hart's music come on over the PA and everyone turns to the entrance way, giving Teddy the perfect chance to jump the rail and beat down HBK and HHH with a chair, making them bleed. Next week, DX is out and demanding that Teddy Hart comes out, but there is nothing. Instead, Vince comes out and puts DX in a match against the Sprit Squad, where they dominate for the majority of the match. After the ref takes a bump, Teddy slides out from under the ring and once again attack DX, laying them out cold. Teddy puts the chair over HHH's leg and goes to the top ropes, hitting a double foot stomp, where he sells it as if it is broken. He then locks in the Sharpshooter on HHH, causing more injury.
Next week, HBK is out trashing Teddy, and selling HHH's (Time off for his new kid), Teddy comes out to a chorus of boos and talks about how Bret got screwed out of the WWE, and that he was here to make things right, starting off with finally ending HBK's career. Have a match announced for the next PPV, where Teddy finally gets to show off his great in ring abilities, but eventually getting the heel win with his feet on the ropes. Continue to build the feud, with HBK getting a few wins by count out or DQ, and have this lead up to the rumble, where Teddy claims he will end HBK's career one and for all in a Last Man Standing match, and where he will become number one contender when he wins the royal rumble, entering number 30 (a personal favor from Vince). Well, the Last Man Standing match doesn't go Teddy's way, where HHH makes his return and hits Teddy with a sledgehammer. The same goes for the Rumble, where Teddy is exhausted already, and ends up getting eliminated by CM Punk when he gets distracted by DX.
Next night on Raw, have Teddy and a mystery partner taking on DX, and now they get to debut Harry Smith. The two teams then battle it out to a double count out, or a double DQ. Then start to have this turn into another country battle, USA vs. Canada, and continue this rivalry up until Mania, where it will be Teddy, Smith, Benoit, and Edge taking on HBK, HHH, Shelton and Orton (since Edge and Orton split shortly after SS), and since the majority of the audience is American, have Team USA come out on top with HBK pinning Teddy after hitting the Sweet Chin Music.
Matt: Well, it's technically solid. I dunno, this just feels a little…flat to me. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's just missing some Nattie Goodness.
Nick: I read Teddy Hart, I moved on. I'd not be unhappy if I never saw the kid again.
Matt: HazMatt, a vet of this column, wants to bring in a vet of another fed.
We begin the "debut" in ECW, the first broadcast after a nameless PPV.
In a rare opportunity, Christopher W. Anderson is receiving television time. As he makes his way out to the ring through the crowd, Joey Styles and Tazz notice something peculiar about Anderson. He's smiling. Anderson grabs the camera, brings it close to him, and happily proclaims "He's coming back!" before getting into the ring. In a brief encounter, CW defeats his opponent, and begins proclaiming "He's coming back" as he returns to the backstage area.
The following week, CW scores another victory, all while smiling widely. When CW returns backstage Mike Knox questions him on who is coming back. CW, like a preacher on Sunday, pulls Knox aside and begins to tell Knox of "his glory and impending return".
Another week later. CW walks Knox to the ring. Knox seems apprehensive at first, but as he continues pummeling his opponent, CW praises his actions. Eventually Knox begins to smile as he continues to beat his opponent, and soaks in the praises from CW, as if a higher power is speaking through CW and praising Knox for his efforts. CW and Knox are next seen the following week, in a tag team encounter. CW and Knox are infused with confidence and determination. CW and Knox are victorious, and it is as they are declared the winners that CW informs Knox that "he approves" and that CW and Knox are "worthy"
Later on in the same show, Renee Dupree finds himself in a match against the Sandman. The Sandman beats Dupree cleanly, but as Dupree seeks revenge after the match, Sandman decimates Dupree with the Singapore cane. Dupree, stupidly enough, doesn't stay down, and keeps getting up to take one more shot from the cane. Eventually, Sandman just tires of it, and Dupree is left in the ring, bloody and clutching the remains of the cane. Again, on the same show, Dupree is in the locker room being attended to by a physician, still clutching the remains of the cane. CW and Knox approach Dupree, declaring that "he" can save Dupree.
Another week later, and CW and Knox escort Dupree to his match. The opponent isn't important, but Dupree's domination in the match and a sense of pride as CW and Knox cheer him on is. After Dupree's victory, CW and Knox jump in the ring to congratulate him, as CW reveals it is "almost time". Yet another week later, and CW, Knox and Dupree are one half of a six-man tag. After a rather impressive showing, the three are victorious. CW then informs them that "he" will appear next week.
The "debut" reaches its finish on the following edition of ECW. CW, Knox and Dupree all file into the ring as unfamiliar theme music plays. CW takes a mic and "introduce" he who has allegedly returned. The King of Old School, Steve Corino, makes his way to the ring, CW, Knox and Dupree madly applauding.
"I have retur--" Corino stops himself. "No. No, I would love to stand here, and tell each and one of you that I have returned, that I have come home to Extreme Championship Wrestling, but the truth is, I can't because it isn't true! This -- This is ECW? Where are the trashcans filled with weapons? Where are the flaming tables? Where is the barbed wire? Where are the blood, sweat and tears this brand was built on? Christopher, you were there with me. You remember ECW. You told me ECW was back. This isn't our ECW, Christopher. Paul Heyman, our Messiah, has lost his way. He no longer answers to the fans. He no longer respects the Extremists in the locker room. The vision of ECW, the very Religion of Extreme is fading. We can bring it back Christopher. We can bring back true ECW. We can have our ECW, where we don't have disqualifications... Our ECW, where staining the canvas with your own blood is a privilege... our ECW, where the eight year old in the third row doesn't cheer, he closes his eyes and clings to his father until the house lights come back up! We can have our ECW! Christopher W. Anderson, will you help me? Mike Knox, Renee Dupree, will you help me? Will you give your all to help the Savior of ECW to bring it back about its second golden age? Then to all of those who bear the flag of this false ECW, we declare war! Steve Corino, the Savior of Extreme, will bring about the Apocalypse! And I'm bringing my Extreme Horsemen with me!"
Matt: Replace Knox with Thorne & Ariel. Replace Dupree with Moore. And I think you may have something here. Especially as, if they do a Horsemen Tour 07 to promote the DVD, A Summerslam Main Event is easy, Horsemen V Horsemen, Extreme Wargames. But this sort of long term booking is missing in today's product, I feel.
Nick: Yeah, you'd definitely have to change the group of people building to Corino, but in the end I don't think a debut like this would really be all that big of a deal. The fans will be looking forward to something big, then get Corino, not know who the fuck he is, and not care. They'd have to do this at the Hammerstein for the payoff to lead to better things.
Matt: Wesley Rice, on the other hand, goes for the simple.
On the next Smackdown show in the UK in April have Teddy Long come to the ring and announce he has a special surprise for everyone. Have him tell the crowd about all the talent he has brought to Smackdown during his time as GM. Then have him go on to tell the crowd that he has brought another fast rising star to Smackdown, Britain's own Nigel McGuiness.
Matt: Simple, but who's Nigel McGuiness? That is, I know who he is (Iron Power!), but you can't just intro a guy like that if he's nobody, or his identity isn't firmly established. Still, nice to know there is a show there soon. Look for Harry Smith, or Nigel, or someone to debut with Regal and Taylor then.
Nick: Yep, I agree with Matt. Just because we know him doesn't know that the masses do. You could debut him in a match, sure, but not with Long coming out to introduce him. It doesn't make sense.
Matt: A debut from Israel, Roby Glodan, gives us the debut of Jacob Duncan, current OVW champion and 6'11 300+ pound big guy.
I'd have him come in the middle of the Carlito-Masters feud. Masters will have Carlito in the Masterlock one week, than Carlito will have a surprise opponent for the Masterlock challenge the following week. He'll introduce a monster, or a new bodyguard – Jacob Duncan (or Tytus). Carlito will be able to do all the talk, helping Duncan to get over, and Masters will be scared. But this Duncan guy has a heart – he's a friendly giant (just like the late Andre). This will start a feud between Masters and Duncan, in which Duncan will be the first guy ever to break the Masterlock (that'll give him a nice little push). But because beating Masters isn't a big deal these days, Duncan will eventually turn on Carlito and start feuding with him, showing he's no friendly giant. This will lead to a triple threat match: Carlito Vs. Masters Vs. Duncan in which Duncan will win, base himself as a monster and he'll and go and feud with Umaga/Kane/Cena/squash some lightweights, Just like they love to do in the WWE.
Matt: Indeed they do. And breaking the Masterlock will help whoever does it, so this is a very nice little idea. Although I would hope he turns out better than Jesus, Carlito's other bodyguard did.
Nick: Carlito vs. Masters vs. the big guy from Red Shirt Security? Could turn out to be one of the worst matches ever.
Matt: And last, but far from least, Brandon Condra.
The Blue Bloods have been getting the upper hand over the Hooliganz for the last few weeks, they even managed to take the Tag Titles from them, but the tide has turned and Kendrick and London are starting to pick up wins. During their big rematch Regal is about to be pinned win out of the crowd comes PAUL BIRCHALL (without stupid pirate gimmick). He interferes and delivers a double C4 to London and Kendrick giving them a DQ win but no titles. They get another rematch a few weeks later and again they have the upper hand Birchall is about to get involved, but who runs in to stop him "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson!!! The Hooliganz regain the titles and celebrate with Dragon. Teddy Long announces a 6 man tag the next week, Regal, Taylor, and Birchall VS London, Kendrick, and Danielson. Regal calls in a favor from another old friend and Finlay (who has been feuding with Benoit) helps Regal's team win. Later after Benoit has retained his title over Finlay, The Blue Bloods and Birchall lay a beat down on the Crippler. The Hooliganz and Danielson make the save and as a show of gratitude, Benoit gives Dragon a title shot. They have a great match going on, until the Hooliganz run down. One distracts the ref and the other hits Benoit in the ribs with a lead pipe. Danielson lock in the Cattle Mutilation, Benoit wont tap but with blood coming from his mouth the ref has no choice but to call for the bell. As Benoit is stretchered out Dragon grabs the mike and tells the audience "Some of you may already know this, but London, Kendrick, and I were trained by the best in the business HBK Shawn Michaels. And one thing Shawn always taught us, winning is great but beating a Canadian is even better." Benoit take a few weeks off to recover from injuries but when he returns for his rematch he has a little surprise for Dragon "You're not the only one who has friends." Dragon comes out with the Hooliganz, and Benoit makes his way to the ring with The Stampede Bulldogs Harry Smith and T.J. Wilson. I'm running kinda long here but the climax would be a return of Bret Hart in the corner of Benoit and the Bulldogs against Dragon, London, and Kendrick with Shawn Michaels in their corner.
Matt: I do believe that the vast majority of the IWC would suffer massive heart attacks due to blood pumping extremely quickly to the massive erections that collection of talent in one place would cause. And the thing is, WWE could do this, any time they damm well wanted.
Nick: Eh, I guess, but the heel turn kind of comes out of nowhere. There has to be some build to them changing their attitudes rather than just doing it to do it. Otherwise it doesn't make sense. Outside of that, though, sounds cool to me.
Matt: Our ideas!
I'm going to go simple, in fact one sentence, since I think it's weird enough to work. It is a matter of two gimmicks sort of working, and provide an over guy someone to work for him, plus shore up both the tag and CW divisions.
Boogeyman's new tag team partner, Delirious.
Nick: Mine's even wackier. Ebessan/Ebetaro/Kikutaro as Eugene's evil mentor. He never actually says anything, he just motions to Eugene, and then Eugene fucks somebody up.
Matt: Well, we seem to be back on track. Huzzah.
Nick: Death to heathens.
Matt: So, all over bar the shouting. And the homework…
Armageddon. WWE's version, that is. Pick a match, and run with it. Book it, its aftermath, the path of a champion, whatever you like.
