Truth B Told 12.7.06: And Then There Was Cena…
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 12.07.2006
This time Cena has a better reason to drop his belt, than just for them ring rats.
Bobby Lashley just, predictably, won the ECW title last weekend. Batista took the belt off King Booker by going back to his, I may be an "Animal" but I'm still smarter than you, roots. Even Abyss finally got his title reign, albeit in less than impressive fashion considering he was cleanly beaten by Angle than got decimated by Sting. Heck, RoH's "Final Battle 06" is also being anticipated as Homicide's time to finally shine as well since it's clear that Danielson's reign has run it's course. So what about the "Big Show"? No, not that fat ass wooly mammoth who got his ass handed to him by Blackzilla. Although, an ass that big couldn't just be handed to him, more like air lifted. I'm talkin' about RAW, which is still THE show in the wrestling world. Whether you're a WWE loyalist or TNA smark or RoHbot, you have to admit it, RAW is still the biggest show in televised wrestling right now and the flag bearer. Right now if there ever needed to be a time when RAW should be a trend follower and not a trend setter it is now. My friends, I think it's time that the "Champ isn't here".
Well before we decide whether or not it's time for a change…damn I miss Owen. I think we should see whether or not it was a good idea to have all those other title changes first. No need in buying into a trend (mullets) before analyzing (fanny packs) whether or not (Huffing) the trend was a good idea or not (Rhythm Method). With TNA it was clear Sting wasn't the right guy to hold the title. Sure, Abyss may just be a transitional champ but at least it gives the Joe/Angle feud some time to develop before a belt gets involved. If Russo is smart…uh..yeah…he'll use Abyss as a kind of middle man and have Christian pin Sting and put him out of TNA for a while. This gives Christian (the right guy to hold the belt right now) the title and Abyss legitimate claim to still be a heel considering he wasn't pinned. How could you not give the title back to Christian after bringing back Tomko? The man is a legend in Japan now. He belongs among the other Gaijin who have dominated the Japanese people, such names as: Stan Hanson, Brock Lesner, and Gwen Stefani. Still, I think it's pretty well unanimous that Sting should have dropped the belt, to whom is debatable.
In WWECW it was clear that Big Show's title reign had also run it's course. If Big Show didn't drop the title at DTD than he would have lost it on a meaningless weekly TV episode or held it for another couple months till Royal Rumble or Wrestlemania. Actually I would hope that they would save ECW title changes for either their own Brand PPV's or one of the big 4 shows to make it more special. Then again the ECW title is only worth about as much as you could pawn it for in Philly. My guess, $75 and two cheese steaks. Or if you're the Big Show, $2 and 75 cheese steaks. Big Show may retire this year and at the very least needs to slow down and take some time off, maybe get a ‘Taker style schedule. Putting the belt on Lashley was predictable, but maybe not the best choice. RVD as champ would have made the ol' skool fans and current WWE fans happy. CM Punk as champ would have sat well with the internet smarks and fans living vicariously through his many ‘Diva' conquests. Hell, at least the ‘net smarks who are constantly suckin' Punk's dick get the bonus of that Maria after taste. I hear it tastes like chicken…and McMahon.
Smackdown could have done without the title change, but you knew it was going to happen either last month or this month. Batista wasn't going to go on forever with out the big shiny belt and it was as good a time as any to give it to the metrosexual man beast. I'm just glad he can finally match his belt to his Rolex now. And those showers he's been giving Rebecca DiPeto. Hey, haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love, right? Still the title change would have worked either way, but since it was going to happen at some point before '07 now was as good a time as next month. So that leaves us with Cena now.
John Cena has been milking this "Marine" gimmick for a while now. Lord help us if they ever actually figure out that it's pointless to leave our ‘boys' over seas and brings them back home because Cena will have to go back to "Free stylin'" on the heels and making gay innuendos in such a ‘hilarious' tongue in cheek manner. I'm giving the "e" another month before I think they should be fined for referencing that movie of his as well. Not money, but rather they have to actually let a team beat DX cleanly in the middle of the ring. Take THAT Vinny Mac. Perhaps it is time to freshen up Cena a bit, and a title chase might be just what he needs.
The funny thing is, that RAW has one of the best "Potential" title scenes right now. If it wasn't for DX's retarded ass rehash gimmick hanging around it would free up 4 proven main event guys to go after the WWE title. John Cena vs Umaga is not going to light the world on fire and no one really thinks that Umaga is going to be the next WWE Champion. Then again I think it would be just as likely that Eugene would somehow win the title and add a draw string to it, so each time you pull the string it points to a different picture of a barn yard animal and makes a noise. "The Champ says….Mooooooooo". Now adding HHH, HBK, Orton, and Edge to the scene makes it much more viable. If it wasn't for WWECW using the match already, they'd be one participant short of an Elimination Chamber match that really could go any way, without the obvious dead wood. If it wasn't for the shit-tastical booking Carlito would be a good candidate for the job, although it's clear the "e" wants to turn him face. In fact I don't see anyone else in the mid-card who is ready to run with the title belt. That includes: Umaga, Johnny Nitro, Jeff Hardy, Carlito, Chris Masters, Shelton Benjamin, and Jerry "The King" Lawler. Oh what's that you say? Lawler isn't a mid-card wrestler? Then why the HELL are they booking him and protecting him like one then? Since when do you need to keep an announcer "protected" are we worried that his TLC match with Michael Cole at Wrestlemania will be blown?
Its clear that John Cena's character has gotten stale. The man who is supposed to be treated like the next Hulk Hogan is in need of a Hollywood Hogan-esque turn soon. Even Hogan got to turn a few times in his career. If you remember, the WWF tried turning Stone Cold heel after his initial face/'tweener turn and that went to hell. He was a prisoner of his own gimmick and popularity at that point. Then again it seemed like Stone Cold was chasing the belt far more than he held the belt, and that's what made his character so successful. Everyone wants to see their favorite wrestler win the belt, there is nothing better than that feeling of seeing ‘your boy' finally topple the odds and beat the evil bad guy, but then what? There comes a point when you want to relive that all over again, granted not within a one month period like with Edge's first title reign, but whatever. I tend to believe that a wrestler only looks as good as his opponent. So with that in mind why does the WWE keep burying all of the credible heels, via the DX enema? I think at this point Cena would be more over as a face if he got rid of those two. Then again, I think we all know what happens if you're not down with jobbing to DX, I only got two words for ya…"Deep South!!!".
I think one possible match up they could run if they want to turn Cena heel and still wanna jerk off, I mean continue the DX/Rated RKO feud is pit him against Ric Flair. I really think at this point a 2 or 3 month title reign for Flair is possible and believable, although beyond that and you're asking for trouble. And Medicare claims. Then again a Cena/Flair feud right before Flair's "retirement" could be something that re-kindles Cena as a great "Tweener" character and sends Flair off with a bang, especially if Flair wins the title in some kinda multi-man match where he doesn't actually pin the champ. A Flair title reign leading up to Wrestlemania, where Cena defeats him and sends Flair off in style. Then again, that just makes too much damn sense.
I could also go for rehashing an old gimmick with Chris Jericho and Chyna holding the IC title together. Only this time it's Edge and Orton holding the titles at once and deciding that half a title reign is better than no title reign at all. It worked for Kazarian and Bentley when they held the X-Division title together and this would work well as Cena could still be the plucky baby face having to face a seemingly insurmountable handicap facing two men, but also keep the heat on Rated RKO as they would transition from the Tag Champs to Co-WWE Champs. I think the worst thing they could do at this point is turn HHH or HBK and have him go after Cena. It would be the battle of the "over saturated". Well it would be if Lita would be inserted to make it a three way. Because clearly most three ways involve being inserted in Lita. Or something….GOD, I miss that woman already.
Then again, considering that the Royal Rumble is a short 2 months away and each of the brands right now have a "face" champion then it would make for an interesting situation at the Royal Rumble. Unless Lashley or Batista turn heel than it would seem like a "heel" would have to win the Rumble and challenge one of the ‘faces'. That just doesn't happen. Usually not at least. Without Heyman, Lashley has no reason to turn heel because he wouldn't be able to "sell out" for anyone. Batista likewise is in a feud with Finlay and King Booker, so him turning heel makes no sense since both of those guys are so much better at it. So it leaves Cena. One would think that he could lose his title on RAW one week or perhaps at New Year's Revolution. He could then win the Royal Rumble, which he has never done, and go on to another big Main Event, win at Wrestlemania. Think about it, Rey Misterio, Batista, Lesner, Austin, HBK, The Rock, HHH, Stone Cold, Hulk Hogan, etc. have all won a RR, but not Cena, don't you think Vince would want to further put Cena over as a legitimate legend in the making by putting him in that kind of company? Hell, when you look at the alternatives, who else is going to win the Rumble? Makes sense…almost…too much sense. Meaning Vinny Mac will fool us all and Monty Brown will win it using Faarooq Asad's old gimmick. Gotta love that helmet. It's like a big light blue penis on top of your head. Now who would want to take a "pounce" with that coming towards you at full speed? Good thing Pat Patterson is retired.
The Truth
Whether you like it or not, John Cena is the "Sports Entertainer" of the year. He may not be the "Wrestler" of the year in terms of skill, in terms of talent, or even in terms of putting out consister MOTY worthy matches, but he IS the MVP of THE biggest wrestling company in the WORLD right now. Sure it's nitpicking to say he has become stale, but it is true. There is an old saying in wrestling right now that goes, "The belt should be put on the guy who needs it most". That wasn't always true. In fact, Hulk Hogan for a number of years could have been just as over without the belt, but the WWF decided they wanted the top guy to hold it. Now a days that isn't as true. HBK, Undertaker, Ric Flair, and Rey Misterio Jr. all have managed to stay pretty over without lengthy title reigns. I think John Cena could do the same. So while this isn't as much about John Cena NOT deserving the title belt, this is about someone else benefiting from it even more.
Ric Flair should retire soon, a short title run would be a fitting tribute to the Nature Boy, Edge and Orton really should be built up as the top heels for the future and either one at this point would benefit from a title run lasting longer than it takes your Glade Air Freshener to run out. Carlito, HBK, even Triple…naw, fuck HHH. Still a lot of good potential flag bearers. At this point the "e" doesn't need to keep the title on Cena and a title chase for him might be what they need to spark a rather stale product. Cena losing the belt would also build for something bigger along the way as it opens up the possibility for him winning the Royal Rumble, a rite of passage for all "main eventers" and a bigger win at Wrestlemania. When you think about past years at Wrestlemania, do you remember the big "title retentions" or the good guy finally getting his hands (back) on the gold?
Coming Up Short
RVD was the old face of ECW and one of the few credible links that actually made it WWECW instead of plain old WWE "C" Show. CM Punk was supposed to be the NEW face of ECW, a savvy kid with Indy street cred who was becoming accepted as much with the marks as with the smarks. So how the hell is it that they throw months and months of storylines and build up aside and job these two out as the first and second men eliminated??
6 Degrees of…
Chris Page nominates "Das Wunderkind" this week in a stunning upsest. My guess is he was going to go with another battle tested, German, technical wizard who loved to dance and wear spandex… Mike Schmidt. Yeah, go ahead. Wiki it.
Another victory. And with the mentioning of myself being part German, I figured what better way to celebrate this fact (if anyone feels it's worth an actual celebration) than to make my pick - and I pick everybodies second favourite German (after Michael
Schumacher, of course), the former WCW television and cruiserweight champion Alex Wright.
You know, I thought everyone's second favorite German was the band "Scorpion". Yeah, all 5 guys count as one. That's how they do math in Germany, or so I'm told. By the actual band "Scorpion" via their myspace page…go check it out…It'll rock you like a Hurricane. Well I think we could all appreciate what Alex Wright brought to the table…a sense of homoeroticism in his dancing and bright neon green tights. So who else can I link to this "Boogie Knight"?
AC Slater??
You know, finding someone who loved to dance in spandex and often ‘tag teamed' with another ‘dancing fool' as much as Wright did wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Then again, Wright never jobbed to Emmitt Smith. Although, if I had my choice, I'm stickin' with Zach Morris as a "tag partner", he could always use that big MoFo'ing cell phone as a weapon. Or a coffee table. Well this shouldn't be too hard should it? Oh by the way, I'm going to go ahead and disqualify "Scorpion" from the possible links. Cuz' it's just too easy to use them…just like the record industry did. Damn whores. Sorry, I didn't mean that, I have to learn to let go, just like the ‘winds of change'. Anyhow, there you go, Alex Wright to AC Slater (btw, it HAS to be AC the character, not Mario Lopez the "actor"). I'm sure if you surf enough gay porn sites you'll find a link. Or…you'll find a link to enough gay porn sites, I'm sure. Either/or…get to it. The 6DO, not the gay porn sites…or both, I'm sure you can multi-task.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Seems like a copyright infringement may have taken place:
Bayani, I just got done reading the latest issue of truth be told. I usually just fast forward to the hot asian bitches but I had some time to kill so I actually read the article. Lo and behold, you said my name wasn't gangsta enough. No shit it's not gangsta, I'm a white guy. Like Bayani Domingo is a gangsta name, your's sounds like a gay ballet dancer or something. I wrote to you once for advice to find hot asian bitches in renton and you told me to go to freddies and all I saw there were some old ladies. You should have told me to go to skyway bowl, that's what the hot asian bitch I hang out with now told me to go. Your advice sucks, but I'm a huge fan and I'll keep reading.
Bob Day
Hey Bobby, you might need to cruise over to the "24/7 On-line Adventure" because I think you've been name jacked. I would file my injunction immediately if I was you, because some nutter named R'f'N'N is dragging your good name through the mud. So to answer your question…I was referring to the "other" Bob Day. Although I do appreciate the comparison to a gay ballet dancer. Which is kinda redundant isn't it? I mean…gay…ballet dancer? Besides, Filipinos don't usually end up in the ballet…buffet yes, ballet no. My God, you seriously went to Freddie's lookin' for hot Asian bitches. Sad, just sad. Actually I was told by a buddy that a few cute ones work the weekends and Sunday morning. Then again, his taste is rather…well…questionable. I have a family friend who works at Skyway Bowl so maybe it was a subconscious thing to not mention it to keep hounds like you away from her. Then again, hell, maybe she could use a nice APG sugar daddy. Tell Jennifer I said wassup. I'm looking forward to going back Skyway for vacation coming up, but it ain't for the "Hot Asian Bitches" because clearly the standards are waaaaaay different in Washington State (on average). Let's face it, I'm spoiled living in LA where all a good percent of women in general are at least 20% hotter than your average city, probably cuz' they all wanna be actresses/models/singers/future unsuspecting porn stars. For example:
Sad but true, hell, at least you don't live in Darrington.
David McGregor doubts the "Fair and Balanced" report here on 411:
I find you really biast towards the wwe, you and just about every one else who writes a column, you say that the title picture is weak yeah maybe right now but once dx is done and the whole rated rko aswell there raw has one of the strongest title scenes in the industry. And also to say the tna has anything better is just utter garbage they have abyss as their word champ...... yeah that makes me wanna buy the next ppv tna has and the only other person that could be believable is aj styles or kurt angle and even styles is a bit of a stretch. So how you can say that tna is any better than wwe makes me feel that you and anyone else that feel that way are just deluded!
I think David kinda proved my point in his first sentence. My column last week was focused on the "here and now" and here and now, the RAW title picture is ass. Cena vs Umaga. THAT is the title picture. And not even Mrs. Umaga is better here good ivory tusk nose ring that the Samoan Bulldozer is gonna pull off the victory over Super Cena. Are you saying you're gonna buy a PPV to see Cena squash Umaga?? What makes it even worse is that you are RIGHT. If Vince dropped the stale DX shenanigans than RAW would have the strongest title picture in wrestling. HHH, HBK, Cena, Orton, and Edge all going after the belt would solidify the main event scene. They are wasting talent in a pointless feud right now. ECW is bad off because Lashley isn't really ready to be champ, but then again they don't trust RVD to be the champ, clearly, and they don't think CM Punk is ready either, so instead of building a new star and the new face of ECW, they make the old "new face" of Smackdown the new ECW Champ. Smackdown's title picture involves Batista, the champ, and two other guys that we know aren't going to take the title back off him anytime soon. Right now I'd take Abyss/Christian/Sting over RAW…right now. If Vince takes his head out of his ass he could easily blow TNA's "current" Title scene out of the water. Then again, if TNA decided to put Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, Rhyno, and possibly AJ Styles or Ron Killings back into the mix then they would at least be some room for debate.
I think the reason you think so many 411 writers are jumping on the TNA band wagon is because we've come to expect better from WWE and we've been disappointed time and time again. At least TNA listens to their fan base and caters to them more often with whom they sign and whom they push. If anything WWE is suffering because of the WWF's past success and not being able to live up to it. I also think you may be exaggerating a bit since there are several WWE "marks" in 411 who are just as open about their biases as the TNA ones are. In fact we have a few columns that catered to WWE exclusively. So I think we do a good job of keeping the mix even. Lord help us if we ever hire a WWECW mark because they guy is gonna end up getting his lunch money and Pokemon cards jacked every day.
Damn, I can't spell:
"Lita is apparently taking independent bookings for appearances, autograph sessions, gang bangs, and Indy dates under her real name Amy Dumas. Odd I noticed this, but an anagram for her real name is: U Dum Yams. "
actually, its "U Dam Yams" - her name only has one 'u' in it.
Manu
Look, I'm Asian, I ain't got time for all yer' fancy spellifications when I gots me some math to do. Although, "U Dum Yams" also seems like a great stable name in case the Divas decide to form a group.
6 Degrees Results
Seems like we've had some attrition in the ranks of the usual 6DO contributors, still at least we got something:
#3
While this is 2 degrees short at least its…something.
1. Guttenberg was in "Don't Tell her its me" with Jamie Gertz
2. Jamie Gertz was in "the lost boys" with Corey Feldman
3. Corey Feldman was in "TMNT 2" with Kevin Nash
4. Kevin Nash wrestled in WWE in 1995 the same time as "Xanta Klaus" who
everybody knows was Balls Mahoney
There you go..Mahoney to Mahoney in FOUR steps
SFC Jim Chase
If this was a contest as to the least amount of degrees, this wouldn't be bad. However, "Technically" Feldman wasn't in TMNT2 it was his voice. Also, it was the WWF in 1995. Yeah, ever since they got the "e" in, the WWF hasn't really been the same. Then again, the same could be said for Juvi.
#2
Chris Page
Now then, Mahoney-Guttenberg one goes, I was all ready to go "Hey, I can just do the one degree and say that Guttenberg played a guy called Mahoney. And then I actually paid attention and realised that's why you picked them. Oh well, I prefer what I came up with anyway...
1) Balls Mahoney once played an evil santa claus (Xanta Claus) as did Bill Goldberg (in the film Santas Slay).
2) Bill Goldberg appeared in the film Longest Yard as did Adam Sandler.
3) Adam Sandler was once a "guest" on SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy. The other guest on that episode (besides Sean Connery of course) was Tom Cruise.
4) Tom Cruise once said he was going to eat his babies placenta. Also well known to practice this are goats.
5) Earl "The Goat" Manigaults life was made into a film starring James Earl Jones.
6) James Earl Jones voices one of the ghosts in 'Casper: A Spirited Beginning' which also starred Steve Guttenberg.
How is it possibly you actually picked the one Guttenberg movie I can't possibly defend, even in an ‘ironic' sense. Also placenta I hear is good when it's fried and topped with a spicy chipotle sau… oh… Pol-enta. Huh, well nevermind then.
#1.
You know why Mark Satrang is a winner? Because he submits every week and realizes that he has at least a 25% chance of winning so long as no one else enters or his only real competition is handicapped by being last week's winner. It's winning by attrition, which is the same way I used to get laid in college…just managed to be the last guy to throw up and pass out at a party, chances are you'll get at least slightly above average trim. Kinda like working for ECW I guess.
B--
Damn, this was a hard contest this week. Good thing I didn't have much to do at work today.
1) Steve Guttenberg starred with Ted Danson in one of his many great '80s money makers--Three Men and a Baby...
2) Danson starred with Rhea Perlman in Cheers...
3) Perlman guest-starred in Taxi various times throughout the show's run. Taxi had many notable stars, including Andy Kaufman as Latka...
4) Kaufman was managed by Jimmy Hart during his Memphis run as Inter-Gender Champion...
5) Hart also managed the Million $ Man Ted DiBiase during his run in Money, Inc...
6) DiBiase later took his turn as a manager, guiding many notable talents including the South Pole resident Xanta Klaus, Balls Mahoney's 1995 WWF gimmick du juor...
I was hoping someone would have linked Guttenberg to "Johnny #5" but no such luck. Between Ted DiBiase and Rhea Perlman, I think Mark just wanted it more. And by "it" I mean a 3-way with DiBiase and Perlman. And by 3-way I mean ladder match. And by ladder, I mean butt sex. But, I digress. Good job Mark and it looks like we may need to retire 6DO soon because you're moving into HHH status with a few more wins. No that doesn't mean you can marry my daughter to ensure you stay on top, it does however mean you can bury 5 cheerleaders. Wait…don't take that literally, or if you do, send me pics. Uh, yeah, running out of material so…get to work and send me your nominee.
Left Overs…
Looking to start a fuckin' riot, the WWE jobs out CM Punk 1st in Philly. Hell, why not, let's make the guy preaching a drug/tobacco/alcohol free life and make him look like a jobber. Then let's make the guy preaching education and the guy whose girlfriend is trying to cheat on him both heels. Hell, should we really be surprised? This from a company that made "Jesus" a heel for Christ's sake.
Let the rumors begin that RVD and TNA will become an item soon. First RVD goes out 2nd in the Chamber and isn't trusted to hold the belt that he helped make important again, then Heyman is dismissed. I know a lot of people are already salivating at the possibility of RVD in the X-Division or possibly working with Rhyno and Angle again, or AJ Styles and Senshi, but let's be honest. Is there any room in TNA for an ex-WWE pothead? Well is there?? Dude…BG, I'm asking you a question? Can RVD just squeeze in your carpool or what?
Heyman has left the building, although maybe not his contract. With Cornette on his way out in TNA land, a possible switch to Heyman as the new "Director of Authority" seems like a good possible fit. But Vince would never let that happen and would probably rather pay Paul E. to sit at home than give TNA another possible asset. Well at least Heyman is now free to exploring other opportunities, such as auditioning to play "Comic Book Guy" in the upcoming live action movie. "Worst Elimination Chamber EVER".
Armando Alejandro Essssssstrada vs John Cena next week should really put the butts in the seat. I love how AAE is living the full on Cuban gimmick, cigars and all, but who would he really stand a chance against in a real wrestling match? Actually I think his best shot would a handicap match vs Rob Conway and Sylvan Grenier. I mean, if anyone could squash La Resistance' it would be the cigar smoking Cuban, right?
TNA has started their Year-End Award balloting. Now is your chance to vote for "TNA man of the year", Traci really needs your votes.
Over one million copies of the See No Evil DVD were shipped to retailers this week. This is part of the bonus buy program where if you bring your ticket stub from the movie, you get a free 17 copies of the DVD. No rush, should be plenty of time to collect.
Rumors of Monty Brown debuting on RAW or ECW this week may have been slightly exaggerated. Apparently the reason he was backstage at the tapings was to work out details of his gimmick and moveset. Vince told Brown that if he wanted to keep his finisher he'd have to rename it as to not be confused with Edge's move. Monty's new move will now be known as the "Spear Chucker".
Some of the wrestlers who are currently on the Tribute to the Troops tour heading for Iraq are Vince McMahon, Lashley, John Cena, JBL, Maria, CM Punk, and Hardcore Holly. Assuming Vince is there only to speak and you have the makings for the 2nd worst Elimination chamber match this year.
I just got confirmation at last week's PWG show that WSX will be airing at the end of January from the guy who is the Ring Announcer/Hype man for WSX. As part of a cross over promotion, Vampiro and X-pac will be appearing on a very special "Laguna Beach" where the guys teach the kids about life, hard work, and German porn sites.
So let me get this straight, if you have a girlfriend who always wants to get naked in front of strangers and keeps throwing herself at another dude and you try to stop her, then you're a heel? How the fuck does that make sense? At what point does allowing your dime piece to get butt naked and give it up to the rest of the locker room make you a Hardy…I mean face. Whoops.
WWE.com has a story up about Rebecca DiPietro and Maryse Ouellet being featured in the December 2006 issue of Playboy. It's basically their past spreads in the magazine. I love how the WWE and Playboy are doing such a great job sharing. It's like those coin jars at your local drug store, "Have some pussy, leave some pussy, Need some pussy, take some pussy".
Trish Stratus has already begun shooting on the reality show "Armed & Famous". No word yet as to whether Martin Lawrence, Snoop Dogg, or Dick Cheney will also be on the show. So far the rest of the cast is shaping up to be La Toya Jackson, Jack Osbourne, Erik Estrada, and Wee Man. MAN…why didn't they announce that group BEFORE Survivor Series, I bet they still would have been booked to beat the Spirit Squad.
Big Show's last match before his contract expires was this week. He is said to be taking some time off to heal up some nagging injuries. He may still yet retire and buy some far some place in the Midwest…to eat.
Kenny joining Rated RKO? Not a bad idea, why not put all the whore mongering skinny dudes in one stable right? I wish I was a fly on the wall for that conversation, "So, yeah, I am totally fuckin' Mickie James", "Oh yeah, well I was spearing Lita for months behind Hardy's back", "oh yeah...well...uh... gay men masturbate to my photos...."
I'm glad Nitro is training K-Fed for his big match against Cena. For some reason I didn't think K-Fed was taking pins right and it'll be great to have Nitro teach him the proper technique for keeping your shoulders pinned squarely on the mat.
Shelton and Haas together again? Do I smell a "World's Greatest Tag Team" reunion? Naww... I'm guessing they'll be renamed something catchy like "Bacardi and Cola". If they replaced Shelton with Lex Luger they could call it "Bacardi and Coke head".
Candice Michelle will be teaming up with Danica Patrick in the new GoDaddy.com commercials. It makes sense, they have so much in common: they both work in a traditionally male dominated sport, they are both marketed more for their looks than their skills, Danica Patrick encircles a track for hours on end in a race car, Candice encircles Mr. McMahon's anus for hours on end with her tongue. Sorry, was that in bad taste.
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Yeah, I go to the beach and the only thing that washed up is a dead crack head...just my luck.
Lashley beats the 7 foot, 500 lbs monster, The Big Show, with a bodyslam. Holy shit. 1975 called, it wants it's finisher back. Well the good news is the bodyslam is BACK as a legit finisher...the bad news? The 630 Splash is now a transition move. Dem's da breaks.
Pimpin' In High Places
Damn it's lonely on Thursdays, good thing there are plenty of other great columns on 411 through out the week. I bet y'all can't wait till next week for CoH to debut their 8 Days of Hot Hebrew Bitches huh?:
Ask 411 is here to drop a little knowledge on ya. Which is slightly more than I thought he had.
Piledriver Report talks about the revival of tag teams. Now, we're just one more angry retard away from a full tag division. Wait a sec, Master's isn't doing anything is he?
3 R's gives you something to dismember. Wait, is that the same as ‘forget'?
Meehan brings you part 1 in a compelling 4 part series on every employed wrestler. Which beats the hell out of part 4 in a not so thrilling 1 part series.
Evo Scheme brings us a real "Man's Man". No, not Clay Aiken.
Jules gives us the Top 10 moments in '06. Sorry guys the, "My sign is a Hidden Highlight" didn't make it.
O'Dog thinks ECW should be shit canned. I dunno, I'm pretty sure Vince ain't gettin' his security deposit back after the mess he left.
Fink's Payload books some Indy talent. Man, if we could just figure out a way to get Vince some more random talentless pussy, then we will have done our jobs.
"Bob F'n Day" hooks you up with some WWE 24/7 stuff in between surfing the net for free Barely Legal porn. I would suggest "HairyJuku Girl Confessions". I tells ya, a bird in the hand isn't nearly as good as two hands in the bush.
The Shimmy gives Eddie his report card. Kinda late aren't we Clark?
HH has one "H" less than is needed to bury an entire division. Maybe they can pick one up on eBay.
CoH is gearing up for one hell of a weekend in RoH. Finally a battle of epic proportions as a pasty white guy and chubby Samoan dude battle it out for the "World Title"...yep, no one else but RoH could bring you that right?
Hi/Lo looks at Batista vs King Booker. How did that match ever get past Jesse Jackson? Ya see, that's why the white man wins every time.
The 3 Spot had a triple date to watch DTD. The bad news, the PPV sucked, the good news....no one got to 3rd base...right? Riiiight?
LaFavre gets over Monty Brown. Which is great, because there are plenty of ‘roided out black wrestlers in the sea. Just take it one day at a time Mikey.
Ever get the feeling that your life revolves around wrestling sometimes? Well looks like I'm headed to the debut of a new SoCal fed called "Next Generation Wrestling". Somewhere out in El Monte with all the gang bangers and wanna be gang bangers. Of course it kinda makes up for the fact that not only were the NWA Mav TV tapings pushed by two weeks, but they were moved to Victorville, which is waaaay too far to make the trip up to see. Thanks a f*ckin' lot NWA. Well next week I've got a few ideas for a column, meaning that chances are something else insane will happen and totally derail those plans. My guess, Heyman jumps ship to take over as head booker for the fastest rising company since WCW went Nitro, oh yeah, that's right...SHIMMER.
