MeeThinks 12:12.06: The Year-End ECW Wrap
Posted by John Meehan on 12.12.2006
Part two of a four-part, brand-by-brand look at EVERY SINGLE wrestler on television today! PLUS MeeThinks on who's responsible for the current state of ECW (the answer might shock you)!
Welcome back, everyone - and fasten your seatbelts for part two of a four-week multipack of positivity as MeeThinks kicks off its Second Annual MeeThinks Year-End Wrap-up and Predictions!
In case you missed last week's column we're closing out the calendar with a roster-by-roster, four-part look at EVERY wrestler active on each of the major North American pro wrestling broadcasts of the day.
Four columns, four rosters, four weeks in December.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy this second installment of the feature as MeeThinks lends a kindhearted evaluation, an optimistic outlook, and a few helpful pointers to EVERYONE on each of sports entertainment's four major rosters.
Yes, EVERYONE.
This week -
We're plunging headfirst through the flaming barbed wire covered table of EXTREME as we size up the "new" ECW!
Sound like a plan?
Rock & roll.
As you know...
When 2005 wrapped, wrestling fans had three major wrestling shows airing each week - RAW on Mondays, Smackdown on Thursdays (ultimately moved to Friday's by year's end), and TNA iMPACT! on Saturday nights at 11pm.
Wow, what a difference a year makes, no? 2006 wraps, and we have not three but FOUR major pro wrestling shows each week:
WWE RAW - USA Network, Monday Nights at 9 p.m. ECW on SciFi - SciFi Network, Tuesday Nights at 10 p.m.
TNA iMpact!- SpikeTV, Thursday Nights at 9 p.m.
Friday Night Smackdown! - UPN, Friday Nights at 8 p.m.
Last week, we started the calendar off on Monday and broke down RAW (missed it? Click here!)
So this week, we're moving to Tuesday Nights' regularly-scheduled broadcast (kinda' screwy that ECW is on SATURDAY this week though, no?), and we're giving an EXTREME player-by-player look at ECW on SciFi!
Speaking in generalities -
ECW was reborn from the ashes of former glory in the summer of 2006. To build its roster, WWE head honcho Vince McMahon granted Paul Heyman the (kayfabe) power to draft a few stars from each of WWE's existing shows. Within weeks, ECW was off to a resounding start as Heyman drafted/obtained/stole/unretired and/or borrowed such ORIGINAL ECW talents as:
Rob Van Dam (first World Champion of the "new" ECW brand, last seen on RAW) Sabu (stolen away from TNA) Tazz (ECW Champion-turned announcer, imported from WWE's Smackdown! brand) Joey Styles (long "The Voice of ECW", imported from WWE's RAW brand) Little Guido Maritano (the erstwhile "Nunzio," imported from WWE's Smackdown! brand) Tommy Dreamer (returned from retirement, last seen on RAW) Stevie Richards (returned from paid time off, often seen in a dress on Smackdown!) Al Snow (also pulled from semi-retirement, last seen doing commentary for WWE B-shows) Nova (formerly Simon Dean on Smackdown!, though he's yet to wrestle on TV for ECW) The Sandman (now "booze free," or so the stories go...) Balls Mahoney (nowhere NEAR drug free, or so the dockings of pay go...) Justin Credible (former X-Factor lackey) Danny Doring (signed away from the indies) Joey Mercury (wrestled briefly for the original ECW under the name "Joey Matthews", though he's yet to be assigned a full-time brand) Francine (the "Queen of Extreme," also an indie darling)
To add some "neo-Extreme" credibility to the brand new ECW lineup, WWE went on a hiring binge and picked up a fair share of imports from their other shows, too. From this batch, they got (in roughly chronological order):
Kurt Angle (draft pick numero uno, from Smackdown!) Big Show (defectee numero uno, from RAW) René Duprée (also last seen on RAW, but even more often on HeAt) Hardcore Holly (returning from injury, last of Smackdown! fame) Matt Striker (last seen on RAW, frequently on HeAt) Elijah Burke (briefly of Smackdown!, not as much an up-and-comer) Sylvester Turkay (also briefly of Smackdown! and of some limited MMA experience) Daivari (last seen standing ringside and/or being sacrificed on Smackdown!) The Great Khali (last seen jobbing to The Undertaker on Smackdown!) Bobby Lashley (former Smackdown! up-and-comer)
Realizing that borrowed talent wasn't going to fill out an entire roster's worth of performers, WWE called up a few "new" stars to help liven up the fledgling brand. From here, ECW scored:
Mike Knox (whose only WWE appearance prior to this was under a ski mask as part of the ill-timed Muhammad Hassan jihad angle) CM Punk (whose one major WWE appearance prior to this was under a roaring twenties Chicago gangster costume as part of John Cena's WrestleMania 23 entrance) Ariel (whose one WWE appearance prior to this was under a beer whench getup alongside "Pirate" Paul Birchill on Velocity) Paul Heyman's Security Force (whose WWE experience prior to this came under the guise of Doug and Danny Basham) Kelly Kelly (sorry, no real WWE experience here...)
Not content to be just a show filled with call-ups, old-timers and imports, however, WWE looked back over their past two years of pink slips and re-imported a fair share of former WWE not-so-superstars too... each of whom debuted with a brand new gimmick (or haircut) to help hide their age. From this lot, the final two additions to the "new" ECW's charter roster were made:
Kevin Thorn (formerly "Mordecai," now repackaged into a "Follower of Vampirism") Shannon Moore (former Matt Hardy hanger on, now an Emo punk wannabe) Test (former Stacy Kiebler hanger-on, now a roid-raging chipmunk)
Now then...
Speaking in generalities?
In the (give or take) six months since the "new" brand was ressurected, let's start by seeing who all the company has lost...
To TNA?
Kurt Angle - (quit/fired for burnout/wellness, debuted in TNA)
To RAW?
No losses to date.
To Smackdown!?
No losses to date.
To retirement, paid leave, indies and/or unemployment?
Paul Heyman - (sent home with pay, rumored to be under WWE contract through late 2007) Justin Credible - (released, once an ECW Champion - but no real loss there) Francine - (retirement, former "Queen of Extreme") The Zombie - (one-off appearance, back to the indies graveyard)
Now then...
Obviously the two KEY losses to the ECW brand are Paul Heyman and Kurt Angle. When weighing the effect of these two losses, the significance in each of their departures simply can not be overstated; one was appointed as the "cornerstone" of the new brand, and the other was the "cornerstone" of the original.
Couple that with ECW's two OTHER "Big" losses in 2007 (Big Show's supposed "retirement" and RVD's untimely drug bust and fall from backstage grace in mid 2006), and it's not hard to see why many a 'net fan (heck, even a casual fan at this point) are fearing for the worst of the brand's future.
But before we go writing off the brand altogether, do kindly allow Mee to bring a few *general* points of positivity to light before we delve into each of the show's performers on an individual basis. Just three quick points, really:
1) Fact is - since ECW never had the bankroll to compete when other, larger companies came calling - the company was ALWAYS plagued by exits of top stars with little-to-zero-notice. (But then again, if YOU were only working on a handshake agreement... maybe you'd consider leaving too). As a result - the company was prone to a slew of last-minute main-events and a boatload of World Champions who (in the relative scheme of things) really just haven't withstood the test of time. Case in point: Anyone else remember "Justin Credible: Jobber-turned World Champion?" Mmmhmm. How about "Mike Awesome: Big Bumper, No Charisma - World Champion?" Yikes. Or how about "Tommy Dreamer: Last One Left, World Champion?" Not exactly a reign for the ages.
In short? WWE's roster woes are hardly a new thing for the ECW brand. Unpopular and sad though it may be, the simple fact is that crappy main eventers and undeserving World Champions were just as much a part of the late-ECW brand as tables, barbed wire and flames.
So yeah, the current roster is in a bit of disarray... but at least these days everybody's still getting a paycheck.
2) You want to blame WWE and/or Vince McMahon for the current state of ECW? Fair enough, as The Chairman ultimately assumes the pass-or-fail merits of each of his television shows. But while you're pointing the finger of blame...
Be sure to save a healthy chunk of it for two of the IWC's most popular performers, namely:
OUR Olympic Hero, and Wrestling Machine, Kurt Angle
And none other than MR. E-C-W Original himself, good old Rob Van Dam.
If you'll recall, the NEW ECW was supposed to have been built on the shoulders of first draft pick, "new" badass and "real" wrestler Kurt Angle. But when injuries abounded and WWE's WELLNESS policy came knocking, our Olympic Hero turned tail and ran rather than opting to rehab the right way or pee-pee in a paper cup. As such, MeeThinks WWE was forced to abandon what early plans they might have had to take the "new ECW" in a more ground-and-pound direction (for after all, who else could fill Angle's shoes in terms of "real" wrestling 'cred? And no, Chris "One-Injury-From-Paralysis" Benoit is simply NOT a safe alternative?). As such, a quick realignment in booking meant that it'd simply be much safer (for the time being, at least...) to stick the "new" brand in a holding pattern of Sportz Entertainment rather than attempting to unveil a half-assed MMA-ripoff "ameteur-inspired" technical-based promotion WITHOUT the real-wrestling cred of a marquis star like one Kurt Angle.
This left us with plan B, namely "ECW is a third brand 'alternative' -- but for the sake of consistency -- in line with what you'll see on RAW or Smackdown!" So "bye-bye" shoot fighting, "so long" locker rooms of booze and drugs, and "see ya' later" no-sold weapon shots.
A tough break for ECW purists, but a necessary concession when you consider:
a) A shoot-style promotion WITHOUT a shoot fighter is pretty much a brand founded on "Brawl For All 2.o." Not exactly the kind of thing you want to sink a crapload of money into, folks.
b) A locker room of a PUBLICALLY HELD COMPANY that allows (and at times, even encourages) recreational drug abuse is a lawsuit just WAITING to happen in this day and age. You thought Vince's steroid trial was bad? Shoot - just imagine having to explain to a grand jury why you trot performers out to bleed for a living and offer them ZERO healthcare in return.
c) ECW wrestlers no-selling some 20-odd chairshots to the skull in an average free-for-television match pretty well renders the standby match-ending steel chair prop useless for all other WWE programming.
All that said, though - "Plan B" was looking pretty solid with Rob Van Dam in the driver's seat of the new brand. Sure, he was no shoot fighter... but the guy was an ECW Original and a long-tenured fan favorite to boot. Certainly they'd forgive the lack of "authentically ECW" hardcore stuff provided Mr. PPV continued to deliver the high-flying, risk-taking, no-limits, acrobatic goods that brought him to the dance in the first place, right?
Well sure... except for the fact that good old RVD simply couldn't lay off the ganja long enough to make a dent as the face of the "new" ECW.
Keep this in mind when sizing up the "bigger picture" of the brand at large, deal? We'll get more into RVD's specifics when we get to his name a bit later on down the road... but for now, just remember that ECW: Shoot-style Wrestling-centric Promotion (with Kurt Angle as the cornerstone) was Plan A. ECW: Third Brand Alternative with heavy focus on ECW Originals and Highspot Dazzlers (with RVD as the flag-bearer) was Plan B. And "Plan C" -- (the one that saw Big Show run roughshod over the company before bowing to retirement) was only enacted AFTER both Angle AND Van Dam dropped the ball.
3) Which kind of brings us to just about two weeks ago, actually...
All of that other stuff said, there are still unquestionably glimmers of hope in the otherwise bleak landscape of Extreme. Yes, the December to Dismember ppv will go down as one of the most awful in the company's history (and by "the company" I mean WWE, ya' know). True, there are *tons* of more talented performers in the American independents (American Dragon, Chris Hero, Necro Butcher...) than some of those clods currently gracing an ECW ring (I'm looking at YOU, Test...). And you're right, there is still a LOT of work to be done before the "new" ECW brand comes anywhere close to the same level of entertaining (if not the same level of "authenticity") as its predecessor...
But you know what?
There are more than a few guys in place that -- with patience and luck -- might just be up to the task, folks. Maybe there's not an "ECW Messiah" among them - but that doesn't mean that there aren't more than a few key players already in place on the ECW roster just dying for their chance to take the ball and run with it.
Don't believe Mee? Well let's check 'em out one-by-one...
Elijah Burke - Sure he's just about as memorable in the ring as, say, an Orlando Jordan or a K-Kwick-era Ron Killings, but Elijah Burke is already beginning to show signs of some real savvy on the microphone that might well just set him apart from so many of the charismatically-challenged African American undercard of the past 10 years in WWE. Don't believe Mee? With less than a year of national television exposure under his belt, Burke was already made THE go-to guy for commentary when Tazz was forced to miss an ECW taping thanks to an untimely knee surgery. And sure, he didn't set the world on a JBL-like fire -- but you've got to admit that the very fact that WWE management had the confidence in the guy to sit out there in front of a microphone for an hour (and alongside the always-speedy Joey Styles) clearly demonstrates some front-office confidence in the young star's speaking abilities. Whether or not he'll break out in 2007 is anyone's guess, but small things like what we saw last month commentary on SciFi (and last week's commentary on ECW.com - which just so happened to feature remarks from Elijah regarding Heyman's sudden departure) seem to be a pretty good sign that Burke will at least have the support of WWE management along the way. And that, my friends, is more than enough momentum to believe that the Days of Elijah are on their way.
CM Punk - Straightedge wrestling superstar CM Punk has dazzled mark and smart fan alike since his ECW debut in the middle of 2006. Though skeptics, critics and worry-worts alike spent the better part of the past two years doubting if Punker would ever receive a substantial push in the political-killing-field that is the modern-day WWE lockerroom, even the most cautious of prospectors will have to give credit where credit is due in noting that yes, CM Punk is most definitely making an impact in World Wrestling Entertainment. From a six-month unbeaten streak, a pay-per-view title shot and an honorary addition to the company's "flagship" all-star tour of Iraq, there is little question that CM Punk continued to defy the odds and win a sizable following both in front of and behind the curtain in 2006. Standing alongside backstage politicos dX at Suvivor Series, Punker was greeted with the loudest cheers of the night. And though Hunter and Shawn might well still be stinging that the new guy "out-popped" them for the evening, both men are -- at the end of the day -- incredibly in touch with the "bigger picture" of the business (though in both men's cases, this lesson has not come without a few rather glaring missteps along the way), and so MeeThinks our boys Hunter and HBK might well be (slowly) coming around on the young Straightedge Extremist in the days, weeks and months to come. Yes, he rubbed them the wrong way from the get-go... but Shawn and Hunter are both invaluable players for wrestlers looking to receive the *right* kind of "rub" when the time is right (see: Cena, Batista, etc.) - so if Punker plays his cards right (and fans don't get TOO over anxious along the way), there's little reason to believe that we won't be kicking around the notion of CM Punk: World Champion (for one WWE brand or another) as 2007 draws to a close.
Daivari & The Great Khali - I, for one, LOVE the fact that Daivari is the workhorse of the two while Khali takes a backseat enforcer role. We all know McMahon and company are eating crow having likely signed The Great Khali to an exorbitant salary on account of his size, so it's nice to see that they've been willing to strike a nice balance between cutting their losses and squashing their entire roster by having Khali reduced to the strong, silent and semi-regular spot while Daivari shows us what he's got in the ring (which is pretty darn impressive, if you ask Mee!). Given Khali's size, history and obvious health concerns, I would not be surprised in the least to see the big man dropped entirely from active competition by 2008 - but if rumors are true, there might just be a second life left in him if WWE is brave enough to take him down the big-goofy good guy road once blazed by Kuurgan and Giant Silva. Ok, so it's not ideal... but at least a goofy face Khali won't likely be racking up one-footed pin victories over The Undertaker any time soon, you know? And as for Daivari - once the Khali experiment is scrapped, I see no reason for him not to fall back into the ever-present "Funaki-spot" (with a hint of Esssstrrrrrada, to boot) as he's a no-brainer choice in the clutch for your standard low-level foreigner heel or evil mouthpiece for a useless giant.
Danny Doring - Good to see Doring still has a job in the new ECW, as many thought guys of his rank and stature would be surefire recipients of the company's first round of layoffs. Bummer to hear that Doring is sidelined at least for a while longer with some nasty injuries, mind you - but if there's a bright side to be had from all of this? Perhaps a few months away from the ECW nuthouse will allow Doring to return refreshed, renewed and moderately rebranded so as to appear entertaining once all the Heyman-departure dust settles. Who knows? Maybe in three to six months, ECW will have brought back a secondary title worth competing over. If so, guys like Doring (while never likely to main event) are a great addition to healthy competition and/or a midcard title hunt.
Tommy Dreamer - Ahh, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Dreamer is one of the few cases of the "new" ECW who likely would be receiving a better push (and reception) if he'd simply faded into the indies for a few years (like Sabu and Sandman) rather than treading toilet water (or, to wit, *drinking* it) in WWE's undercard once the original ECW went bye-bye. Unfortunately, years of sullying what little credibility he came to WWE with meant that an attempt to separate himself from the rest of the "generic" ECW exports ultimately cost the poor guy his ever-elusive drawing power (you'll recall that even most hardcore ECW fans didn't cotton to the guy for a good bunch of years), thus making his stock in the "new" brand even lower than Stevie "Right To Censor" Richards. That, friends, is a bad sign. And if Tommy knows what's good for his career? MeeThinks he'd be wise to see the handwriting's on the wall as far as his days as a neo-ECW sub-main eventer are concerned, and that's likely to mean he'll once again fade into a backstage, semi-regular capacity (think Jerry Lynn or Ron Simmons) and let the rest of the "new breed" have their time to shine by the end of 2007. Sucks that Tommy's inevitable reduction to backstage agent and/or semi-regular performer will likely bring the ECW fanboys out of the woodwork YET AGAIN to bitch about how "bad" and "inauthentic" the new brand is when compared to the old one, but in the end -- if Tommy Dreamer really knows what's best for the "new brand," chances are that he's already resigned himself to accepting precisely that fate.
René Duprée - Though La Resistance died, Dupree still lives on! Hey that reminds me... no sign of Conway in last week's column, eh? Guess that can't bode well for the Conman. Regardless, of the three La Res alumni to have made their way into WWE singles' ranks - Dupree still appears to have the best shot at actually making something of a go of things. True, his male model gimmick in the new ECW brings the term "EXTREME" to places most ECW fans wished it would never have gone, but the fact is that the guy is crazy charismatic, well-built and just waiting for the proper sort of push so as to convince fans that he's the real deal. The language barrier is and continues to be a stumbling block for the Quebecer-turned-Frenchman-turned-Lord knows what, so any further character development will likely only come once Duprée can land himself a fluent, English-speaking mouthpiece (or, alternately, a ridiculously-hot, French-only speaking valet) to push him over the hump. Take a note, Duprée fans: Maryse might not be the best looking Diva in the bunch, but a quick French-assholette makeover and she's a smart ticket to ride out of midcard obscurity.
Hardcore Holly - Gotta give Holly credit, because just one ill-timed suplex from a ring apron effectively garnered him the same level of "He's Hardcore" cred that Tommy Dreamer once fought so desperately to win for the better part of three years. Is Holly a future World Champion? Logic and smart booking says "no," but then again - if ABYSS can win a world title after countless losses to just about every TNA main-eventer du-jour, perhaps there's some hope left in Hollytown yet. Of all the WWE-imports to ECW, Hardcore has probably proven to be the best and most believable fit (save perhaps The Big Show), and so while Holly is still a long ways off the "credible heel champion" mold once forged by Randy Savages, Ric Flairs, Triple H's and JBL's before him -- another round of WELLNESS snafus (or the untimely departure of another ECW mainstay) could well see Bobcore walking away with an ECW World Title to his resume before all's said and done in 2007. He's a workhorse and a journeyman, and he can bust out a pretty impressive match when paired with the right opponent (and when given the benefit of the doubt regarding unrealistically-high expectations). Let's not forget - Tommy Dreamer once wore the ECW belt for just about the same reason, you know. Now of course, is it likely? No freakin' way... but admit it: "Bob Holly, World Champion" is simply a guilty pleasure that many a wrestling fan is simply DYING to see, if only for a brief and passing moment in our fandom. Hey, stranger things have happened you know.
Mike Knox - Talk about switching gears -- from "guilty pleasure" like Holly to IWC whipping boy, poor Mike Knox just can't catch a break from ANYONE these days. Last year at this time, Gene Snitsky and John Heidenreich were glomming up the bulk of the IWC's de-facto hate-on for all superstars over 6'4" and a combined sum of about three wrestling maneuvers to their credit. Nowadays? Heidenreich is off finding himself and Snitsky has pretty well disappeared (perhaps each of those is for the better, though), and good old Mike Knox has risen to the forefront of IWC vitriol. Can the guy work a match? Sadly, not so much... as the suckitude of his in-ring abilities are pretty well only eclipsed by the weakness that is his many attempts at "acting" and "cutting a promo." Unlike Snitsky before him, however, Knox's shtick gets old even faster because you simply can't even justify it being "so bad that it's good." Nope, it's just bad... and with less natural charisma than even somebody like Lance Storm (and that's saying someting, seeing as how Lance Storm is pretty much Chris Benoit without the charisma. Which again, is not a good thing...), all signs point to failure when sizing up Knox's shot at winning fan respect in the year to come. But since this is the "positive" take on the guy's year-that-was, I'd like to go on record as saying that he's hardly the WORST wrestler on a major brand today. No, my friends, that honor belongs solely to a certain shlub they call Miz. HOO RA!
Bobby Lashley - Last year, I said Lashley "could turn out to be the most successful of all the [Smackdown!] 2005 rookie class." Looking at his contemporaries (MNM, Kennedy, Kristal, Birchill, Sylvan, Boogeyman, Palmer Cannon, Jillian, and Mark Henry), MeeThinks we were dead-on in picking Bobby as the standout of the class. Now running the "newNewECW" (or is that the "newNewNewNEW!" ECW, seeing as how Angle was plan 1.o, RVD was plan 2.o, and Heyman/Big Show was plan 3.o), Lashley seems secure in his top-face spot as lack of credible Champions (Test, Holly), lack of credible heels (CM Punk), backstage politics and/or concern over reliability (RVD, Sabu), and WELLNESS (just about everybody else) seems to be still quite a ways off the mark from achieving ECW greatness in the immediate future. On the bright side, Lashley has a smattering of ameteur background to his credit as well, so his reign as ECW Champion always leaves the door open for WWE creative to revisit that notion of taking the promotion in a more shoot-fight-esque direction. Sadly, Lashley is no Kurt Angle (or even a Brock Lesnar, MeeThinks) -- WWE should be careful about billing the man as their top "shoot-fighter" when chances are that his limited ameteur background means that he's simply not the strongest candidate to win any skeptics over to a more mat-based ECW style. Regardless, Lashley is every bit as talented as former power-offense ECW Champions of old like Mike Awesome (and with boatloads more potential). And with a gradually-evolving roster of up-and-coming stars around him, MeeThinks Bobby Lashley could well win a few doubters back to the ECW fold when all's said and done.
Little Guido Maritato & Tony Mamaluke - Hey, another year - another paycheck for the Full Blooded Italians! The epitome of ECW's "Funaki Spot," these guys continue to collect paydays simply for playing paisan on weekly programming, despite the fact that we've yet to see them win a match NOT hosted on Italian soil since late 2000. Such is life, I suppose... and I betcha' Guido and Tony are more than happy to trade what little "ECW Original" credibility they might have left to the new brand in exchange for those hefty WWE paychecks along the way. Good for you, boys. Keepuppadagood work, capiche?
Balls Mahoney - WELLNESS claimed another victim this year as ECW's favorite Chair-Swingin'-Freak got what was coming to him on the wrong end of a sizeable WWE fine. Still, Balls is sitting pretty in the ECW undercard as everyone knows that the guy is hardly one who'll lobby for a push in the near future, and so they can continue to keep him on the roster (and buoy the "ECW Original" credibility along the way) without any fear that he'll burn out (RVD), flake out (Sabu) or walk out (Heyman) when they need him the most. A smart, smart man that Balls Mahoney - and while he probably could do just as well collecting independent dates against folks like Necro Butcher in a few months (or years?) to come, chances are that Balls will continue to sit pretty much like the FBI as the "new" ECW continues to lean on them for that all-important "ECW Original" cred. Then again, if the "New Breed" and the "Old Guard" do ever go through with the storyline dividing the ranks in two - I'd fully expect to see Balls pushed to the midcard forefront of the group, if only to fade into obscurity (or unemployment) by the end of the angle.
Shannon Moore - THAT'LL TEACH YA TO GO TO TNA AND MAKE A NAME FOR YOURSELF, SHANNON! Man, The "Prince of Punk" must have really pissed in some WWE Kool-Aid in 2006, as what could have been a tailor-made feud with CM Punk was quickly abandoned simply to teach the kid a lesson in WWE politics. Still not sure *what* that lesson was, mind you (perhaps it was simply "YOU and TNA are BOTH disposable and nowhere NEAR the level it takes to compete with WWE"), but then again I'm sure Shannon Moore is -- like CM Punk famously quipped on his website - comfortably "enjoying the new house and Hummer that he bought with his big, fat WWE paycheck" and hardly bemoaning the fact that his WWE return has sucked more ass than PerOxWh?yGen or whatever that nonsense was. Good for you, Shannon. Totally screwed your chances of mattering in EITHER TNA or WWE along the way, but at least you can laugh all the way to the bank that you're a pawn in the game whose only being kept on the roster so the WWE brass can feel good about burying all things TNA.
Stevie Richards - STILL EMPLOYED?! WOO HOO! GO STEVIE! I won't push my luck, so here' to more of the same in 2007!
Sabu - Remember all the things I said about RVD being the cause of all of RVD's problems? Take out "RVD" and plug in "Sabu" and you've pretty much summed up this ECW Original's year-that-was in 2006. Burning bridges, no-showing tapings and botching spots left and right (look back to his first appearance on RAW against Cena for a hint), Sabu is and continues to be his own worst enemy in making himself a proven, marketable commodity in the modern-day wrestling environment. Yes, his early ECW tenure was stuff of legend, but the simple fact of the matter is that just like grunge music doesn't sell records in 2006, so to doesn't sloppy chairspots and haphazard tumbles through tables make a living in the modern day wrestling landscape. You want proof that times have changed, Sabu? Look no further than Necro Butcher to see what a career's worth of blood and barbed wire amounts to in the modern going-rate for independent wrestlers. Does Necro make a living for himself taking halogen bulbs to the brain? No doubt. But do you see representatives from ANY of the major televised promotions batting down the guys door to sign him to a big money deal? Case in point, dude. Fact of the matter is that modern audiences sure can appreciate hardcore spotfests, but we like to know that the performers behind them aren't a) going to flake out at a moment's notice, b) going to legitamately injure themselves along the way (makes us feel kinda' guilty, you know), or c) going to depend on EVERY match being filled with blood, pain and plunder to help convince us that they know their ass from an armdrag. Sandman's modified his character, Dreamer's modified his character, heck - even ABYSS who still dabbles in the hardcore arena on a more regular basis has been savvy enough to amend his character to a more consumer-friendly product. So I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, folks - but if Sabu doesn't cut the late-showing, the no-showing, the booze-cruising, the spot-blowing and the utter-dependence on hardcore? MeeThinks WWE creative (and perhaps even ECW fans at large) will grow tired of the guy by 2008.
The Sandman - The Sandman is a perfect example of everything that is simultaneously RIGHT with and WRONG with the "New ECW." We'll start with the *wrong* -- as the once beer-swelling, ass-kicking tough guy has pretty well been reduced to a charicature of himself who gingerly spills a few mouthfuls of beer on some old ladies in the crowd as he makes a slew of goofy faces and stumbles down to ringside. Yet at the same time, The Sandman embodies everything that is RIGHT with the "new ECW" as the guy is STILL drawing huge pops from the crowd (arguably at times, even the largest for an ECW Original *not* named RVD) and yet he's NOT relying on half-cocked, hardcore antics to keep him fresh and relevant with the modern audiences. Yes, Sandman has slowed with age and probably lost a fair share of his edge along the way... but the ECW Original is still as widely feared and instantly marketable as ever, and the guy is still drawing a crowd despite the fact that the only blood he's spilt on ECW television in the past six months has been as a result of deeds done by his own beer cans. Couple this with only the occassional "Extreme Rules" or nostalgia-tag match, and you've got yourself a former World Champion who's likely to outlast just about all of his fellow ECW A-list alumni.
Al Snow - Again - another "ECW Original" who's still employed and likely to be laughing all the way to the bank. Just when it seemed our friend Al had exhausted all of his WWE relevance and was pretty much reduced to a trainer-only role, along comes the "new" ECW looking for "authentic" talent and viola! Al Snow's dusting off a mannequin head and cashing a whole new slew of paychecks. Good for you, Al. It's a shame he never had the chance to excel in WWE (or even in the original ECW, when you think of it) as more than a midcard novelty act, because Snow is probably as charismatic and gifted in the ring as they come. Here's hoping that he can continue to share some of those skills as he trains new stars of tomorrow while serving out his tenure with the ECW brand. After all, I think "double-payday" is pretty much a widely-accepted alternate answer to "what does everybody want?"
Matt Striker - I don't get all the hate on Striker, as he's a proven commodity in the quick-learning heel category. From wiseass antics to brilliant pre-match putdowns, Striker is likely only receiving so much smark fan hate on because he's an import to ECW and not one of the brand's precious "originals." Let's call a spade a spade here, folks, Matt Striker has BARELY six months of sustained non-ECW television time to his credit, so he's just about as "new breed" as they come. Couple that with the natural charisma and flair for performing he's demonstrated on the mic and in the ring? MeeThinks ECW fanboys would have been going NUTS over the guy if he were gracing the "Original" ECW bingo halls alongside such ball-busting heels as The Dudleys and Steve Corino in the late 90's. Sadly, Striker doen't get a fair shake because he's late to the game and a clear-cut case of WWE-influence on the "new" ECW, which is really a shame because Striker's probably the best natural heel on the WWE roster, period. And that INCLUDES Edge AND Kevin Federline ;)
Sylvester Terkay - Yikes, what to say, what to say... I had the chance to see Terkay firsthand earlier this year at a Smackdown! taping in Washington D.c., and let's just say that the popcorn vendors and the rest rooms were doing some *pretty* good business whilst the "Man Bear" showcased his offense in the ring. Nothing against the guy, but MMA background or no, Turkay's ground-and-pound striker-style arsenal simply isn't connecting with the ECW fans (perhaps some early evidence of just how difficult it would be to make the ECW brand a more shoot-style promotion overall, no)? His woefully underwhelming lack of charisma isn't doing him any favors, either, and unless there's a gimmick overhaul in the near future -- the simple fact of the matter is that Test, Thorn and Knox have pretty well called dibs on the "big and clunky bad guy" spots on the ECW roster, so MeeThinks 2007 could be a rough year for the Man Bear. Maybe we can hope there's a goofy and lovable oaf of a babyface buried underneath all that fuzz, perhaps in the vein of, say, "Albert: The Hip Hop Hippo?" Again, hardly ideal... but if it keeps him employed, I'd say more power to him.
Test - I'm supposed to say something nice here, so I guess I'll just say that it's good to see Test wasn't crippled for life after that neck surgery and leave it at that. If I say more, I'm likely to remark on his goofy-ass boots (what's with the extra flaps?!), his sawed-off buzzcut of a hairdo, or his blatant reliance on supplements to pick up where a lack of natural talent so obviously left off. But that'd be mean, so I won't say it.
Kevin Thorn and Ariel - Am I the only one who misses MORDECAIIIIII!?! (looks around, sees no one). Ok, I guess so... but you've got to hand it to Thorn and Ariel on this one, as they've *really* done everything in their control to put what otherwise might have been easily-disposable characters on the map to ECW success. Now, does that make the character entertaining? Not so much... but you can see week in and week out that Thorn and Ariel are absolutely busting ass to make the characters as fully realized as possible, and that goes a long way with Mee. Kinda' like the Spirit Squad, really. A crap, DOA gimmick, but one that (at least in the ring) you could see ALL of the performers involved were clearly working hard to incorporate into just about EVERY aspect of the match. Same goes for ECW's "Followers of Vapirism" -- sure, nobody takes them seriously... but as long as they continue to really sell their roles as ECW's token wierdest-of-the-wierdos? You can pretty well bet that the duo will continue to make their (bite?)mark in the brand's midcard, which is a LOT better than wasting away in the indies.
Rob Van Dam - Here comes a rant...
Sure, "it's just weed" and odds are that just about EVERYBODY (both in the wrestling world and outside of it, save maybe CM Punk and yours truly) has dabbled in the stuff one on occassion or another - but the bottom line is that Rob Van Dam knew damned well that as THE poster boy for WWE's new company, the microscope of mainstream attention was focused DIRECTLY on his pot-smokin' shoulders. And guess what? Unlike, say, a class act like Eddie Guerrero who simply knew that the stress of being champion would prove too much for him (you'll recall that the real-life Eddie effectively hand-picked JBL to be his successor, folks) -- our boy RVD folded under the pressure, killed what little momentum his beloved ECW brand had, and gave his employer one hell of a black eye of media attention along the way.
And this isn't "that whatshisname Rhino-fella broke a flowerpot in a fancy hotel" sort of black eye, folks...
This is "a coked-up Jimmy Snuka might well have brained his girlfriend to death" sort of bad.
RVD, like Snuka before him, was (at the time of his run-in with the law) *THE* focal point of the promotion at the time. And just like Snuka before him had to suffer the consequences that stemmed from the fallout of his legal run-in, guess what? So does RVD. Sure, Van Dam can bitch (with good reason) that he'd been "held down" or "reigned in" or "glass ceilinged" or "out-politicked" for the better part of a half decade prior to winning the belt. But the simple truth to the matter is that when push comes to shove and RVD was FINALLY given his one shot to prove that he had what it took to be THE company guy?
The dude just went out and proved all his critics ABSOLUTELY RIGHT by making himself (and the company at large) look like a total laughing stock mere days after being given the company's highest honor. And you can *bet* it wasn't McMahon's scripting, Hunter's politicing, or Lagana's promo-writing behind RVD's fall from grace. Sure each of those things have (and continues to) hamstrung the ECW brand since the relaunch, but the simple fact of the matter is that once Angle flaked out, RVD was THE one guy with enough "authentic" ECW cred and enough *established* drawing power to keep the new show afloat. But what happens? Once he was finally given the chance to shine, the guy has nobody to blame for falling flat on his ass (and setting the company back right there alongside him) than good old R-V-D.
So "Plan B" (RVD as the new ECW "it" guy) was scrapped...
And "Plan C" was rushed into its place. Ergo, longtime WWE workhorse The Big Show was made ECW Champion due to a simple lack of credible performers on the new brand.
Sandman? Can't wrestle worth a lick, and has a history of alcohol and drug abuse to boot.
Sabu? Spotty and unreliable, possibly just as guilty on the drug front, too.
CM Punk? Popular as hell, but waaaaaay too new with WWE fans to risk hotshotting him a belt.
In short?
RVD's drug bust put WWE in a damned tough spot. And with "drugs" being the spook word in BOTH Van Dam AND Angle's cases, you simply can't help but understand why WWE decided to hedge their bets and NOT shuttle their new brand's title around the waist of guys like Sabu, Sandman or - heck - even Randy Orton. Even more, once ONE top-level ECW star self-destructed the company image thanks to an ill-timed drug issue (two if you count Angle, actually), you simply can't blame the 'E for going with what they knew and settling into the holding pattern of Big Show as champion while the rest of the roster works their way to DRUG-FREE, main event credibility.
Then, once RVD was on the verge of winning another title run (if not the entire faith of his employer) as December to Dismember approached - what did he do? HE MOPED ABOUT THE BACKSTAGE AREA WHINING ABOUT HOW HE WAS BEING MISUSED, and then he REFUSED TO JOIN THE WWE TRIBUTE TO THE TROOPS TRIP TO IRAQ (for the second year in a row). Now sure, it was a "voluntary" trip -- but RVD is one of THE most popular guys on ANY WWE roster, and by WWE brass personally ASKING him to come along only to have him opt to (once again) sit it out, stay home and get blazed insteaed -- while RVD might have made a *safer* decision (it is a *war* zone, ya' know), he most certainly didn't make the *smartest* one in terms of salvaging what's left of his WWE career.
So this brings us to 2007 - and the imminent rumors of RVD defecting to TNA. In all honesty? MeeThinks WWE might just as soon say "good riddance" and let the guy walk rather than putting up with his antics and his pissant attitude for another 365. Sure, he's a draw and a popular one at that. But so was Jeff Hardy back in 2002, and WWE was more than happy to cut him loose once the cost/benefit analysis determined that no amount of t-shirt and foam finger sales were worth the time, money and energy to babysit the guy from self-destructing 24/7. And now that Hardy's back in WWE? You might have noticed that he's most certainly *not* challenging The Undertaker in a WWE Title ladder match main event like he once was, rather he's settled comfortably (and quietly, might I add) into the sub-main-event level where he can still draw without putting the company at risk with him as their main event go-to guy (we'll all remember how poorly that one turned out for TNA).
So if RVD wants out (and if Mrs. RVD wants to cheer "T-N-A" when her hubby jobs early in the Elimination Chamber)? Honestly, I just can't see WWE putting up with Van Dam's antics for another year if they keep up at this rate. Then, when he inevitably lands in TNA (without the "Rob Van Dam" name, I'm sure, because you just KNOW Vince signed the rights to that one just like he did "The Dudley Boys") - fans can see if there's any gas left in the Van Dam water bong as he debuts with nothing more than the usual "angry at the old employer" promo, a rolling senton splash, a top-rope bellyflop, a chip on his shoulder and a clear history of prioritizing himself over the business, and a few spin kicks to show for his troubles.
Then maybe the "new" ECW haters will take solace that the WWE's latest brand will have lost the last remaining shred of its original authenticity. But in the end? Perhaps those same critics might still be able to save the brand if they would only buck up and call those responsible for the new brand's "failure" into account. Steph? Sure. Vince? Totally. Politics? Why not. But let's not forget to save some blame for The Wrestling Machine and good old R-V-D.
Oh it's true. It's damned true.
Agree? Disagree?
"Methinks it sounds a parley to provocation!"
- Iago, Othello
Act II, scene iii
We'll start with corrections and/or clarifications, courtesy of StormWarriorPoet:
I believe you made a mistake but Mick foley was fired
this year.on Raw by melina and Vince
After Mick kissed vinces ass to save melinas job......this was when Dx had pushed vince and shane to the limit and was destroyin vinces mind......I believe the episode was the one with Dx ripping the cars wheels out from under it and painting Dx on the headquarters of WWE.
-StormWarriorPoet
Thanks for keeping Mee honest, StormWarrior. No mistakes here, however, as Foley's firing (like so many other kayfabe dismissals in the wild world of pro wrestling) hardly means that he won't be competing in 2007. In fact, the rumor mill is already running wild that Foley has a third autobiography due out in '07, and reports say that he appears to be in great shape to boot. Free publicity (for a WRESTLING-based book, no less), a healthy and ring-ready physique (or as close to it as we can expect from Mick), and his WWE contract plus "a few good matches left in him" means that we most definitely haven't seen the last of Saint Mick for 2007 - and you can bet he'll be in a WWE ring by year's end.
Switching gears, at least one reader had thoughts of how to make the Eugene character fresh again. Take it away, Edwin King:
Hey John,
Once again, I enjoyed your article. The one thing that caught my attention this time was your suggestion for a gimmick change for Eugene. I have longed thought that Eugene's character could be the basis for the greatest and most imaginative heel turns of all time. Big claim, I know, but hear me out. Since Eugene likes to emulate other wrestlers, I would have Eugene innocently drink a beer perhaps in a backstage scene. He is seen to enjoy it. Eventually, he begins drinking the beer in the ring. Due to the beer drinking, he begins to undergo a personality change, one similar to perhaps Stone Cold Steve Austin, to which he calls himself "Nick". While he could run yell and curse like Austin, he won't have to be a redneck, but will definitely be more cold-blooded as he mercilessly and senselessly attacks people and gives them some sort of brutal move/ finisher. But after he attacks the person, he reverts back to "Eugene". As everyone looks at him confused and angry over his actions, "Eugene" cowers in confusion and concern. He's aware that he's done something wrong, but just isn't sure what it was. It is revealed that Eugene is suffering from split personality brought about from drinking.
Eventually, since Eugene idolizes him, Triple H takes him under his wing and looks out for him. They begin to engage in tag team matches and even six-man matches with HBK. Ever now and then, Eugene does something abruptly violent to someone innocent such as Jillian Garcia or the referee. And each time, as Triple H is about to reprimand him, Eugene reverts back to "Eugene", terrified by what's happening to him. Eventually, it's hinted that his more sinister side is not temporary as when Triple H is reassured that Eugene is telling the truth, Eugene smiles deviously when Triple H's back is turned. Eventually, in a match where HBK and Eugene lose the tag team titles, Eugene goes out and grabs Triple H's sledgehammer and nails Michaels with it. He proceeds to brutally beat HBK to a bloody pulp, prompting HHH to come out. HHH tries to pull Eugene off HBK, but is shrugged off easily (thus re-enforcing Eugene's freakish strength). HHH is stunned as Eugene smirks at him. Eugene then gets on the mic while standing over HBK's bloodied body.
Eugene: HHH, I'll stop, but only if you give me a title shot.
HHH: Ok, Eugene, I'll give you all the little title shots you want. Let's just go to the back and cool down.
Eugene: Don't talk to me like that!!! I'm not that person!
HHH: but you are, Eugene. You're certainly not this person here. The real Eugene is somewhere inside of you trapped. You have a problem and we're going to fix it together, buddy.
Eugene: No one's trapped…except maybe you.
Eugene smirks knowingly. HHH looks at Eugene for a long moment and realizes that before and even during this match, Eugene didn't have a beer.
HHH: wait a minute, you didn't have a beer.
Eugene: I don't need a beer.
HHH: but you always have a beer before something like this happens.
Eugene: So it would seem, Hunter.
HHH: Eugene? Eugene? Are you in there somewhere, buddy?
Eugene: Oh, HHH, I'm surprised at you really. You don't get it, do you? There was never a "Eugene".
I know, I know, it's a rip-off of that Ed Norton/ Richard Gere movie, but I'm fairly certain that the average wrestling fan is not going to recognize it and even if they did, they would probably still applaud its use since that was one of the more unexpected turns and twist in recent cinema history.
Anyway, that's how I would love to see it go down.
- Edwin King
Interesting scenario, Edwin! I think that Dinsmore fans at this point can pretty much agree that the plug needs to be pulled on the Eugene character as we know it, and now it's just a matter of HOW WWE can pull it off without further insulting our collective intelligence.
Three major camps, from what I can tell:
1) Go the "I was faking mental disability to get ahead" route I described last time (a.k.a. "The Ringer" approach)
2) Go the "I was faking it because I'm a psycho" angle you've described (a.k.a. the "Fight Club" approach)
3) Go the "One swift chairshot to the brain and I'm cured!" approach (a.k.a. the "Oldest Trick in the Book" approach)
Of course, camp four would be just to send Nick back to OVW for a haircut, shave and a gimmick overhaul. But given the guy's age (he's no spring chicken, you know) - I'm pretty sure that a trip back to Ohio Valley this late in the game would pretty much doom his chances of ever appearing on WWE television again. Here's hoping WWE takes a cue from one of us and saves Eugene while there's still time!
Breaking from "fantasy" and heading back to "reality" - looks like Jay2KWinger will be in LIVE attendance at next week's RAW broadcast from Washington, DC. Guess what? Mee too! Floor's yours, Jay
What's up, fellow DC-area peep? Been a long time since I've chimed in with MyOwnThinks about wrestling in general, so I thought I'd drop you a line.
I remain insanely jealous that you attended a taping of TNA Impact -- and exposed the James Gang (oh, sorry, they're the VOODOO KIN MAFIA now) as the DX Rejects that they are. One day. ONE DAY, I shall make it into Soundstage 21 to be a part of that atmosphere.
Speaking of Raw in DC, I shall be there along with some of my buddies, and hopefully we'll be able to trade up our 200-level seats for something better, so I can get my "Cryme Tyme's Wanted Level" sign on the air. (I was planning to make a pair of signs with pictures of Edge and Lita on them, labeled "TOOL" and "BOX" respectively, but I know security would take them away, and now Lita's run home to escape the constant "Slut" chants, so much for that idea.)
Something to keep in mind about Raw in DC on Dec 18th -- it will be the LAST live Raw of the year. The following week is Christmas, so everyone will be at home. And judging by their road schedule, they're not doing any tapings for Raw in the following week, so the Dec 25th Raw is likely going to be a clip show. This means that Dec 18th is their last show to push the hard sell for John Cena vs. K-Fed two weeks later.
I think it's possible that America's Most Hated will make an appearance in DC. If so, I'm torn on how to react. I want to boo him mercilessly for taking up time on my wrestling show, but at the same time, I don't want to give him any kind of reaction, lest I end up inflating the man's ego. Decisions, decisions.
I'm thankful that the Latin American X-change have become some of TNA's top heels. They gang-attack the good guys, they always win through sneaky means (i.e., Konnan hits somebody with the slapjack), and -- as shown on last week's episode -- they're not afraid to use our own system against us. I think a great way to further get the heat on LAX would be to have them hijack the show. And by hijack, I mean they cut Don & Mike's headsets, they takeover the truck, and we hear Konnan and Moody Jack's commentary instead of Tenay & West. So while the matches are going on, we hear LAX badmouthing everybody, while in between matches, we have TNA heroes (AJ, AMW, whomever) trying to take back control. It would be awesome.
I'm thankful that Cryme Tyme have become more of a boon to Raw than an overdone "racial stereotype" like everyone feared. Hell, they've gotten over BECAUSE they're more or less an overdone "racial stereotype." From stealing King Booka's wallet to swiping the video monitor from backstage to stealing Shelton's stuff to scalping tickets to "gettin' some milk" from Maria to punking out "comedians" Cryme Tyme is doing a lot of stealing. They're stealing the show, which is all good in the hood, you could say. Dag, yo.
I'm thankful to have recently been clued in to the existence of Kaiju Big Battel. SUPER WRONG IS YOUR REAL HERO!!! Well, he would be if he could actually pick up a win. But that's what so funny about him. He's so incompetent he can't even win against a stuffed bear.
Catch you on the flip side, Meehan! I'll keep an eye out for your Lemmy'stached face at Verizon!
-=Jay 2K Winger=-
Thanks for writing, Jay. And thanks for YourThanks and for reading! We've got a three-hour RAW superbroadcast on deck for next week, so D.C. fans like you and Mee can rest assured that even if the matches are ho-hum along the way, we're GUARANTEED to get a bonus hour's worth of moderately well-established "names" along the way. Plus that all-important dX/Cena vs. Umaga/RKO dark main event!!!
Should be good times, no?
We'll wrap with a teaser for next week's column, courtesty of Frank Castellon:
Hardest working man on 411
John:
Let me congratulate you on the great article about the Raw brand. It was very informative and let me know your opinion on the Raw brand or the most important brand on the E. I am looking forward to reading your column on TNA because you are a true fan of that promotion since you have been to Orlando and seen the show in person. It would also be cool if you wrote an article pertaining your opinion on that matter. What do you think about the Future of TNA?
In TNA right now people are saying Russo this and Russo that but its not really like that since he does not have full control of the company. But last week's episode was the weakest of the past month so the streak is broken. I believe that with an extra hour things will be a lot better as some things wouldn't have to be rushed and angles can be explained more clearly. That is one of the things that people no longer realize in the IWC and that is that the people who write the shows no longer have the love that the people did in the golden age of the late 90's. The people who wrote for those shows loved wrestling and they knew enough of it to write it very well. Whether it be Russo, Bischoff, Heyman Taylor or whoever else. Right now the E is looking for people who have written for soaps or anything else. These people come in and not knowing anything about wrestling they just do their jobs and want to fill their resumes so they can move on and write for REAL Tv in the from of Sitcoms or Dramas or whatever. So the end result is that Russo is our last hope! Everyone else who the IWC think should be moved to the top of the creative team has been removed, held down or just fired, fired, fired! Just ask Heyman who I do not like but hey, I got to admit he had the love. Instead of him we will have people like Gerowitz who's put the E at the same pace they are now in '02 which is if you look at it, where things feel out for wrestling. In the end, this is where we are and where will we go? Well, probably nowhere as the late 90's and it is time like Cena says, accept this crap because no one with any real love is in charge anymore.
That is my opinion let me know what you think. Another thing I wanted to ask you, which I think is very important and I think you can make a difference. I don't know if you use Netflix but I am sure you know someone who does; the thing about them is that they do NOT carry any TNA DVD's. I have emailed them about it and also TNA but I was hoping that if you pass the word around and maybe start a drive to email both Netflix and TNA. I think this would make a great difference. Merry Christmas and be well.
F. Castellon
Great points all around, Frank. But unfortunately (sneaky bastard that I am) - I'm going to have to table that discussion 'till next time as we're saving all Total Nonstop Action talk for next week's column. Cheap plug, I know... but tune in next week and I PROMISE to cover all of your points (and all of TNA's performers) in full detail, deal?
And With That, I'm Outta' Here
Thanks again for reading, all. I'm sure there's at least a few readers out there who are sore that I came down so hard on poor RVD and Kurt Angle (to name just a few), so here's an open invite to shoot Mee YourThinks for next week's column and honest to God, I promise to print 'em in their entirety. 'Till then, though - enjoy the last few days of the holiday shopping season, LOOK FOR MEE at next week's three-hour RAW from Washington, D.C. (!!!), and always stay positive.
