Truth B Told 12.14.06: MVPs
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 12.14.2006
The truly indispensable around the world of wrestling. No...not the ring rats.
I don't know about all of you, but lately the Wrestling World has been pissing me off. From RAW's refusal to do anything new and interesting, to Smackdown constantly being raped of talent and having their guys injured, to WWECW's inability to figure out what they want the mid-card to look like or put together any worthwhile feuds, to the Russo-domy that TNA's booking has been enduring, to RoH dropping the ball by getting rid of the "Pure Title", to various SoCal Indy feds making me want to save my gas money and invest it into Japanese porn. Well, at least a bigger investment than before. Yep, times like this make me want to turn into that stereotypical IWC cynic that wants to shit on everything in wrestling. But you know, instead of going back to that well, I'm going to take a page from the book of Meehan and try to look at the positives. Since wrestling doesn't really have an off-season, now is as good a time as any to look at the year's MVPs thus far.
This is taking into account the length of time that each wrestler has spent on the roster of their current brand. For instance, one could argue that Kurt Angle could have had consideration as just about anyone's roster due to the effect he has on ratings, brand credibility, ability to get the most out of his opponent etc. the only problem is that while he is the ONLY wrestler to ever wrestle on 4 different televised brands as an active wrestler on the official roster within 1 year, he didn't spend enough time at any specific brand to qualify. Funny how no one has mentioned that huh? He started the year on RAW, jumped to SD to win the title, moved to ECW to help legitimize it, then left to TNA to be involved in TNA's best shot at making themselves a true competitor to the WWE. That goes the same for Christian, Randy Orton, Undertaker, or Trish Stratus who either split too much time between brands, didn't work enough dates, or aren't currently on any roster. In terms of what I consider to be an MVP-worthy performance, the wrestlers who did the most to make themselves indispensable and/or did the most to raise the overall ratings/performance/quality or the brand they are on. Sure Umaga is undefeated on RAW, but it's clear his individual record isn't enough to warrant an MVP consideration. Likewise, Vince McMahon's bare ass was always a huge part of RAW, but didn't, at least in my eyes, add much to the value/popularity/match quality on the show.
I'm going to take a look around the world of wrestling and give you the skinny on who the real Franchise Players are. In fact, I'm going to go ahead and plug my own SoCal indy fed just for the hell of it. I'm sure all 6 of you who has ever seen a DVD of them will care. Then write in as to why I'm such a moron. Thanks, I'll be looking forward to that. Let's go in order of what I consider are the most important feds and most influential in the business right now. From a Smark's point of view of course.
RAW
#1. John Cena
Say what you want about the man, love him or hate him, John Cena IS RAW. Not to steal from Jericho, but it's true. John Cena is arguably the most famous name in wrestling right now and the biggest cross over star since Chyna and Sean Waltman…okay, let's not go there. Ever. Cena doesn't have ***** matches, or…**** matches, or even matches that involve much psychology or innovative spots, or questionable outcomes, or…where was I going with this again? Oh yeah, the man usually puts on decent matches for PPV's and possessed great charisma, even if he's a second rate Rock. But right now the man means as much to RAW, nay, to the WWE as anyone else does. Cena sells, both in the ring and at the merch tables. ‘Nuff said.
#2. Edge
One of the few guys who really deserve to hold the belt more than Cena, even if he does look like he's a McRib away from falling into Nicole Richie territory. What Edge lacks in bulk and muscle tone, he makes up for in heel heat and conviction to his gimmick. Going from the Queen Bitch of all heel heat (Lita) to the Queen Bitch of all heel… room temperature, didn't hurt him much. Well at least it wasn't much till DX decided to treat Edge like their personal Lita, without so much as the courtesy reach around either. Still Edge has managed to keep Cena somewhat motivated and their feud interesting. It'll be just a matter of time before he gets another shot at holding the belt, I mean, DX can't keep this up forever…can they?
#3. DX
Yes, we all hate them. But collectively they've managed to sell some merch, make a few nostalgic fans tune in and, let's face it, they're really the only two hold overs on RAW from the old "Attitude Era" that so many of us hearken back to at the "F's" peak of popularity. Without these guys the main event scene boils down to Cena, the "Gay Dude Thrilla" Randy Orton, and Montgomery Burns. Exxxxxcellent. Really these guys could also be considered the LVP's as they've managed to pretty much bury 75% of RAW's roster, however, since they also managed to bury Mike Knox, I'll consider it an even trade.
Honorable Mention: Mickie James
Trish Stratus would have gotten this spot had she still been active. However much like Vince McMahon, Mickie James' ass has also been a big part…of RAW. Her feud with Trish Stratus leading up to Wrestlemania and after made the women's division seem to matter again. Plus without her there IS no women's division, unless it would consist of Victoria simply kickin' bitches in the face and breaking their nose. Not that it wouldn't be entertaining, but what is Vince going to have to rest his ‘Jimmy Wang' on when he's tea bagging them?
TNA
#1. Samoa Joe
You want to know why Samoa Joe doesn't have the TNA Heavyweight Title yet? He doesn't need it to be over. The darling of the IWC, IMPACT zone, and TNA fans everywhere he has had one of the strongest and most dominating years of anyone in wrestling. In TNA he was part of 2 of the 3 more important and hottest feuds of the year against AJ and Daniels to start the year, and now against Angle. Samoa Joe has become the true face of TNA…the chubby…broad nosed face of TNA…with…what is that? Donut crumbs? Is that like glaze…like Krispy Kreme?
#2. TIE- Latin American Xchange
How many people got the reference that this is basically a take on the old "Los Gringos Loco" stable that used to be in Mexico, albeit the inverse? And yet, it's working, only this time the crowd doesn't really want to kill LAX, because in this day and age of Kayfabe most fans are just happy to see such a dominating and great team put together. From Apollo to Ma-shitty to Hernandez, they finally got the recipe right. LAX not only are my Tag Team of the year, but put themselves over as possibly THE biggest heels in all of TNA. Plus, with names like the "Gringo Killa", "Border Toss", "Wet Back-Breaker", and the "Illegal Uninsured Driver", how can you not love those cuddly bastards.
#2. TIE- AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels
The Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan of TNA. Sans the panty shots and fire crotches. When they were battling Joe, the X-Division was at it's hottest, when they teamed up to battle LAX, the Tag Division was where it was at. These two are the trend setters of TNA. These guys have the ability to put on a good match with anyone, while AJ has the sizzle, Daniels has the steak…and the ability to put together a coherent promo. Too bad that ability must also be tied to his ability to dress like your father at a parent-teacher meeting. Who shows up to a street fight in flat front chinos?
#3. Abyss
He takes the big bumps, he manages to put on good matches with just about anyone in the hardcore arena, he is one of the best big men in the business right now, and anyone who says he didn't deserve at least a short run with the NWA title for all his hard work deserves to take a Samoan Spike in the eye. The eye.
Honorable Mention: Kurt Angle
Only two months in and he already has people talking. Well either about TNA becoming a real threat to the "e" or that he's officially hit Chyna/Luger/Kanyon levels of crazy. Angle has had more Impact! on TNA in two months than just about anyone else has in 12. Then again who knows? Maybe 2007 will see him in a shoot fight in May, against Daniel Puder…and Tito Ortiz in a handicap match…booked by Hulk Hogan… after an impromptu Angle Slam… while he's wearing a little red cowboy hat. Smell the buy rate.
Ring of Honor
#1. Bryan Danielson
The best wrestler in the world? Possibly. The whole world? Yeah, he really might be. His presence alone in RoH while spurning offers from TNA and WWE makes RoH seem like the real place to ply your trade if you want to be a real wrestler. He also managed to walk the fine line between face and heel and has done a great job as a heel who actually is able to beat his opponents by actually out wrestling them, rather than using a guitar, red headed ho, or
#2. Austin Aries/Roderick Strong
Either guy could have been listed individually but collectively they put together great matches, and went to work each day knowing that they were being counted on to put on a great match either in singles or tag formats. Both had great matches with everyone on the roster and were probably the most stable guys on the roster. Considering that they ended up disbanding "Generation Next" in a rather conspicuous manner, one would hope to see even more from these guys in 2007. Oh and one other thing…why do these guys both have gay porn names? I'm not making fun, I'm just… saying.
#3. Chris Hero/Claudio Castagnoli
I think this is more to piss off Ari than anything else. I think Chris Hero would hold down this spot alone if nothing else than what he contributed during the CZW vs RoH wars. But add in the fact that these guys were THE heels of RoH in the waning months as Tag Champs and you have the makings of an important ingredience in the stew that is RoH. What kind of stew? Beef and Barley… maybe some nice potatoes or leeks. I don't know, but fuck the carrots. I hate carrots. Well, I guess that makes Jimmy Rave a carrot then. Yes, that is now and forever an acceptable analogy. Jimmy Rave is the carrot of RoH. Live it, love it, make it your own. Oh yeah. In case you were wondering, Nigel McGuiness is probably worthy as well in this spot for all your KoW haters. Jew know who Jew are.
Honorable Mention: BJ Whitmer
He was a central figure in the CZW vs RoH feud and basically the sacrificial lamb for the bulk of it. While his feud with Jimmy Jacobs hasn't exactly set the world ablaze he has worked hurt and worked hard for RoH. I know I'll get a little flack for not listing him higher, but hey, what the hell right? Controversy creates cash. Or…nasty e-mails. Either way BJ was the kind of good company man you need to help toe the line and take one for the team. I hope we can now agree that THIS "BJ" didn't "suck". Which actually makes him the worst BJ ever when you think about it.
Smackdown
#1. King Booker
Single handedly made Smackdown watch able again. His reign was one of the greatest things going on SD and actually made you almost forget that they were steady giving Eddie Guerrero's legacy a Cleveland Steamer. Right now King Booker is recognized as one of the top guys on SD and his reign as the "Champion of Champions" was well deserved. All Hail King Booker…oh and Hogan…he's comin' for YOU n*gga!!
#2. Fit Finlay
Someone dispute this. I'm just waiting for it. Unless you have a beef with him and lil' bastard not being a combo, then…we'll talk.
#3. London/Kendrick
While William Regal and even the Undertaker deserve consideration I think it's London and Kendrick aka The Hooliganz, aka team "At least they have a job" that deserve some credit. They are both real talents that also happen to be in good spots considering HBK helped train both of them, and have been toiling away in the tag division for months. While either could be a credible Cruiserweight Champion, I think we all know how forgotten that division is. You ever notice that anytime anyone talks about a potential rebirth in the Tag Division they always mention Team A, Team B, Team C, and London/Kendrick, they are the only real constant in the division and bust their asses to put on a decent showing each week, whether Vince knows it or not. Then again, watch them break up as a tag team and go their separate ways. London will then claim he is actually 1/8th Native American and team with Evil TATANKA and be known as the Cherokee Nation of Domination. Then Kendrick will with a newly re-hired Orlando Jordan, as Spanky and Alfalfa "The Lil' Rascalz". It practically writes itself.
Honorable Mention: JBL
As a wrestler JBL did add a lot to Smackdown as their number one heel for quite sometime, but as an announcer he does so much more. The man is great in the announcer's booth and does a good job of putting over the wrestlers while bullying Michael Cole, which we can all enjoy. Right now JBL and Cole are probably THE best announcing team in wrestling, and that being with Cole being as useless as a hair gel to Chris Masters in 2 years. Funny, but something tells me that in a WWE/CW announcer tag team battle royal it would be Smackdown victorious. Not only is JBL a legit tough guy, but no one takes a ‘manhandling' like Michael Cole.
ECW
#1. Big Show
RVD screwed himself, ECW, and a lot of the ECW OG's by failing to remember the cardinal rule of hot boxing…do it in someone else's car. Big Show had to go out there and put on matches twice as long as he was used to on RAW or Smackdown and had to put himself in more hardcore matches than he had to endure in the past few years. To his credit he was able to be a stable force and even though the outcome of his matches have never been in doubt, he has stepped up to make the best of a bad situation and just took one for the team so to speak. Which is a lot like having to wing man for a buddy and finding out ‘your chick' has a ‘hidden toy surprise'. So long as you don't reach around, it doesn't mean you're gay…right?
#2. CM Punk
The only reason why a lot of smarks even bothered tuning in and gaining more and more popularity with marks every week. Too bad the guy essentially stole KENTA's moveset and shortened his normal matches by about 15 mins a pop. Still, the guy has tons of potential so long as the H's are willing to let him shine. Of course considering this is the "C" show, I'm sure they couldn't care how much success he has, so long as he doesn't skip a letter grade until 2 or 3 years down the road. The "Straight Edge" gimmick thus far is simply an after thought as his promos are now becoming a bit unfocused and not moving towards what it should be, namely using sXe as a reason to take on Sandman, RVD, Sabu, or any of the other ECW Drug…I mean originals. Plus, his big feud thus far has been crap as he beat Knox cleanly and should have nothing to do with that barely legal bimbo "Diva" they seem to be forcing down his throat. Which is ironic considering CM Punk is usually the one being forced down a Diva's throat. Just relax baby…just relax.
#3. RVD
He should have been #1, 2, and 3 on this list, but he f*ck up, he f*ck up and now he lost his big push and title to Blackzilla, aka Negro Butcher, aka Badass Big Black, aka Lashley. He may or may not be leaving the WWE, but whatever the case it's clear that he has a 50/50 chance of either having to wait another 6 to 12 months before his inevitable 2nd title reign, or he'll simply be jobbed out for the next 6 to 12 months before his credibility is zero and he is released and left to try to re-prove himself in TNA, if they even want him by then. Either way, the man is still the most important ECW-OG they have so it remains to be seen what they'll do with him. However it looks like RVD's big push went up in smoke and he has no one to point his thumbs at except for R-V-D.
Honorable Mention: Paul Heyman
Consider this a posthumous mention and let's just move on.
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla
#1. El Generico
For those who know me and/or follow PWG or SoCal Indy wrestling then you'll know how much I enjoy El Generico. The man doesn't have bad matches and can make anyone look great and looks credible even for a rail thin white guy in a luchador gimmick. He deserves to hold the PWG belt, but for now it looks like he's carrying on the tradition of giving the guy who SHOULD have been the champ and giving them the tag belt instead. Either way, this guy has put together or been part of at least 4 of PWG's 10 best matches in 2006. Someone is going to get spoiled by Santa this X-mas, someone get him an Irish hooker so he can get Ole'd.
#2. Davey Richards/Super Dragon
The actual tag belts looks like I made them in art class and got a B on the project. However right now the Tag Titles are worth 4 times more than the actual Heavyweight Title because of how it's been booked and who has held it. These two guys have dominated team after team all year and put on some great matches along the way. If it wasn't for them bringing credibility to the tag titles PWG would be in a pretty bad way. I'm just glad that all that RoH vs CZW tension didn't find it's way down to PWG.
#3. Rocky Romero
The ultimate ‘gamer'. He puts on good matches, doesn't miss spots, works his ass off, is always around as the ‘fill-in' when someone else can't make it, and is all around one of the nicest guys I have met in wrestling. Really he deserves so much better for someone who not only loves the sport, is a tremendous trainer, but also a great wrestler with ring savy and charisma out the pooper. Too bad he still needs to wear boots to get into most rides at Disneyland, but for a guy his size, he comes off as a legit threat and bad ass. I'm hoping he can get some legitimate gold in 2007…so he can give it to Gargamel so he'll stop trying to turn him into it all the time.
Honorable Mention: Joey Ryan
Picture the JBL championship booking turned up 5 notches and that's what you have in Joey Ryan's PWG title run. He's held the title for over a year now and to be honest, he's done his job, but at this point, his title reign went on at least a month or two too long. When I think of 1 year title reigns I think of American Dragon, Samoa Joe, Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan…Trish Stratus? The man is a "Heat Magnet" and has played his part perfectly, but the problem is that without the title belt, he's pretty much going to fade into the background. It's almost as if they've sucked so much heat out of the belt that they'll be none left for him when he finally drops it, so it's almost as if they need to keep the belt on him, but really shouldn't because the shows are being booked to make up for title matches, not to fill in the spots around it. In a world where no one is clearly a face or heel in Indy wrestling much anymore, Joey has managed to defy that. Great job… douche' bag.
The Truth
I think I pretty much hit the nail on the head for most of the shows. Cena, King Booker, Big Show, Samoa Joe, and Danielson are all pretty sure bets as MVPs. The guys who are responsible for the success of their shows and who could lease afford to be injured, retired, or fall off the "wellness wagon". So when you look at it, who really is the MVP of all of wrestling? Big Show had to save an entire show with little to no help. King Booker helped turn the "B" show into the IWC's top choice. Samoa Joe and Danielson are co-IWC wet dreams. And don't forget about Cena, because Vince McMahon will just NOT let that ever happen. I'm surprised he hasn't found a way to actually beam his picture directly into your head at night. Oh shit, did I just give Vince an idea. Damn, sorry guys, well sweet dreams. Suckers. Either way, if you don't agree with my list you have two options, write in and give me your picks for the 2006 MVPs or....eat a dick. Hmmm...choose wisely.
Coming Up Short
Cryme Tyme is a subject that I'm going to agree to disagree about with a lot of people. I personally think their in-ring ability is very questionable and their gimmick will get old in about a month from now. It already is kind of dragging. But the thing that bothers me most is not that they are "over" it's that they aren't "Over" in a ring. They've had about 3 or 4 matches since they debuted and that's all. They spent so much time trying to pretend that there was a tag division with the temporary Hardy Boyz reunion and MNM reunion that we forgot that there really are no tag teams in the WWE. In fact, how long do you think the WGTT is going to be around for. Geeez… first Cryme Tyme let's Rated RKO punk them out in front of Maria then they sit idly by while Charlie Haas does the same? Is the implied possibility of making a "Moon Pie" with a creamy Maria filling really supposed to make up for these supposed "thugs" acting like domesticated faux gangstas? Please. Right now they got a small window to make Cryme Tyme a bit more serious and threatening than they are because right now they're a comedy act. Like John Cena, a poser, trying to play up that they have "Street Cred". I don't know about you, but where I grew up having a Chuck Norris wanna be punk you out in public is legal grounds for an ass stomping. Right now, these guys look soft and their "street cred" sho ‘nuff is coming up short.
XOXO Thugs n' Kisses
TBT
6 Degrees of…
Mark Satrang out like Trish Stratus…or was that, go out WITH Trish Stratus, either way, it'll be a tall order:
I did a little back searching and counting and realized this was my seventh win so we are getting close Triple H territory. Tell ya what, if I do reach 10 wins retire this thing. It's getting to the point then that we're only entertaining ourselves.
Anyways...for this win, I wanted to tie in theme of "7" and what better way to do that is by selecting the man who once played Se7en, the best gimmick this side of the Dungeon of Doom, Mr. Dustin Rhodes.
This is too easy. While I was intrigued to see where they were going to take Se7en, I was sure that somehow his display of "lust" was going to end up in a four-some with Macho Man, Miss Madness, and Gorgeous George…oooooooh yeeeeeeah. Still, I was trying to go eclectic this week but I realized that Dustin wasn't the only "Seven" worth a spot in TBT….soo…..
Diz-ZAM!! I bet the other 8 of 9 weren't as borg-alicous as this chick was. I wouldn't mind the letting that chick assimilate me into her collective. Well this shouldn't be hard at all. You got 6 degrees to get from 7 to 7. Oh yeah, make 7 up yours!!
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Now THIS is why I wanted to use a cool alias for my column, something like Bob Night or something:
Welcome back playa! Not player, I'm calling you a beach in Spanish, which
coincidentally sounds a lot like bitch, which brings me back to the crux of the matter - You're a bitch. You see, it's funny because it's true.
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed your column this week. One of the more insightful ones you put out lately; something a broader audience probably cares about. Kudos. I don't think I correctly used a semi-colon, but what can you do? I grew up with Mexicans.
Although, I think turning John Cena heel at this point won't make sense now, mostly because if they were going to do it they should have when he was getting booed out of building, but now I think more people boo just for the sake of booing, I think I know how to turn him heel.
John Cena comes out after beating Umaga (which he'll get booed for) clean. John starts getting cocky, talking about he knows how everyone hates seeing him win all of the time, and how they are sick of him being on TV all the time, and for a while he tolerated it, but now just because he can, he's going to put it into over-drive. He starts showing up on TV for the most of the show's, winning matches "against all odd" in unbelievable fashion.
He not only puts the title on the line at the royal rumble (and wins) but enters the Royal Rumble match itself just to piss everyone off and wins that too, in the process robbing people of a Wrestlemania title shot. He intentionally over-saturates the product showing up on all of the shows, making all f the top guys look like jobbers. He interrupts other
Peoples segments that have nothing to do with him. He gets a superman push as a heel. This goes on for a year until someone eventually beats him.
This works on two levels because the kids that only care about seeing Cena win get their way, but WWE makes a satirical statement to the Internet fans, by "forcing him down our throats" as a storyline. It'll make the person that eventually beats him all the more special as well.
Anyway, I went to Rick's didn't see Dawn Marie look-a-like, but there was a black chick with awful eczema. Good stuff.
M. Rob
Poetic irony? Wow, you give the "e's" creative staff too much credit. I'm fairly sure Vince still thinks the word "Parodies" is what he requires all the incoming divas to get. I like the idea of turning Cena into a cocky heel, it works on so many levels and having beaten everyone and their mama (btw, what the f-ers ever happened to Shelton's mama??) that he might as well parlay that into a semi-heel turn. I have always wondered why a wrestler never entered the Royal Rumble to help a weaker individual win to get an easy WM win, but now that I think about it, a wrestler stealing his own title shot is pretty smart too. I also think a good angle would be a guy clipping the two top ropes to make the bottom rope the ipso facto "top rope" and just pushing people over and tripping them, rather than deal with guys like Kane, Big Show, and Viscera.
But more importantly…no Dawn Marie look-a-like stripper?? Damn it, why does everyone take everything good in my life away from me. I tell ya, that chick made me wanna punch Al Wilson in the face and tea bag Torrie. I hope she's there in a week when I'm up there. I'm talkin' about some FBI-type action. Full-Blooded-Ilocano.
Some feedback about Cena, kinda:
Bayani
I was reading your column about Cena and I agree that he needs to drop the gimmick and belt. But being an indy worker myself, i also understand the way things work at a business stand point. Also I see that you call the WWE the "E". Instead of that, you should call it "the dub". Thanks for your time.
Adam
I actually was told by a guy who used to train with Cena back in UPW that he was a real good guy, even later on he kept it real and remembered him from years back and stopped to ask him how he was. No doubt Cena as a person is a good guy, even an eager student of the business, but he needs a change. Sure, keeping the belt on him is "good for business" from a merchandise stand point, but at some point you realize, wrestling for the sake of the almighty dollar has all but killed off the actual joy of wrestling itself. What makes sense and makes right, doesn't always make dollars and cents. Still, you gotta figure that sometime, someplace someone is going to no sell the STFU somehow. My suggestion….take your free hand reach down and grab your balls and wipe it on Cena's face. Legit way to break the hold…and a great youtube clip for years to come.
Oh and I call it the "e" because of the campaign the WW"F" had years ago with those shirts that said, "Get the "F" out". So clearly they wanted to bring the "e" in. They should have done it the same way Juvi did at shows. Hide it under his nut sack.
Man, some people are never happy:
A suggestion:
Don't post a picture of a hot girl, especially if there's a link to her website on the picture. I don't know about the rest of your readers, but if I'm reminded that I have a choice between reading an article about wrestling, and looking at pictures of hot girls, I'm always going to choose the latter. Sorry I can't comment on the written content of your article, I got a little distracted and didn't read all of it. At any rate, though, I should thank you...
-Chris
Yeah, Kim Loan, last week's RHAB is spank-worthy for sure. But look, if you really want the best of both worlds, try popping porn on the TV while you're reading. Sure, you might not want to this week as you're busy stroking it to the sounds and sights of Jesse Jane and Teagan Presley double teaming some dude dressed like a pirate and end up coming across..
But hey, overcoming adversity is what makes us strong.
Oh yeah, by the way, if you didn't lose your wood after looking at that picture, chances are you didn't bother turning back to the TV and just finished up anyways.
B--
Just for kicks let's put in an entry this week.
1) Slater's real last name on Saved by the Bell was actually "Sanchez..."
2) The Dirty Sanchez was a sexual act performed by Slater's co-star Dustin Diamond in his 2006 sex tape "Screeched"...
3) On an episode of Celebrity Boxing, Screech mercilessly beat the hell out of Ron Palillo from Welcome Back Kotter...
4) On of Palillo's co-stars on Kotter was John Travolta...
5) Travolta starred in Saturday Night Fever, which popularized disco...
6) The Disco Inferno, who took Travolta's look and mannerisms from that movie, was Alex Wright's tag partner in the Boogie Knights...
I've never had "Saturday Night Fever", I once had "Wednesday Night Hepatitis" once, but that's my fault. I thought when that chick said her "aunt was in town" she was game for a threesome.
#2
Jim Chase
1. AC Slater starred in Saved by the Bell, the College Years with Screech, who was portrayed by Dustin Diamond
2. Dustin Diamond beat down Ron Palillo on Celebrity Boxing 2
3. Ron Palillo played Zach on an episode of the A-team entitled, Mexican Slayride, which also starred Mr T.
4. Mr T. refereed the match between Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair at the 1994 Halloween Havoc event.
5. Ric Flair was in the Four Horsemen with Paul Roma
6. Paul Roma got fired from WcW for making Alex Wright look like an idiot.
Oh so close Jimmy boy. Jimster…Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. The reason he was fired wasn't for making Alex Wright look like an idiot, it was preventing him from looking like one. Which was pretty hard considering his career in WCW. I'm surprised in this day and age no one else has went rogue and refused to "do the job" so to speak and "went into business for himself" as people say. Wait, Steve-O did that on an episode of RAW not too long ago right? Well shoot, I hope HIS career in the WWE goes better than Roma's did. NO wait…it already has.
#1.
OK, here's a couple of tries. . .
Entry One:
01. AC SLATER, of Saved By the Bell fame, starred in one of two tv shows I used to watch every morning while waiting for the school bus back in 1991, sharing honours with the newly debuting hit show, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
02. Often coming down to the ring dressed like a Power Ranger is Smackdown
superstar M.V.P.
03. M.V.P. Is a wrestling caricature based on American pro atheletes such as Terrell Owens of the Dallas Cowboys.
04. Dallas is near Fort Worth Texas, where I was born on the same day and in the same hospital as porn actress Jesse Jane.
05. Jesse Jane appears in the greatest tv show currently running, Entourage, where she appears in a scene with Johnny Drama et al.
06. Johnny Drama is the screen name of the Entourage character Johnny Chase,
much like Dirk Diggler was Eddie Adams screen name in Boogie Nights, which
is not only a movie, but also a tag team featuring Disco Inferno and ALEX WRIGHT!!!
That's cheating a bit, but I think you will agree that that was pretty awesome! Or maybe it's my new Yoda bong talking to me. . .
Entry Two:
01. While in WCW in the mid-90s, ALEX WRIGHT feuded with Buff Bagwell.
02. Buff Bagwell appeared in several Andy Sidaris films, sometimes tagged "bullets, babes and bombs", which also featured daytime tv star Ron Moss, from The Bold and the Beautiful.
03. Ron Moss is a bit of an icon down in Australia, not only for his stunning portayal of Ridge Forester on The Bold and the Beautiful, but for his musical talents, especially when he sings his "hit" "Baby Come Back".
04. Gee, "Baby Come Back" sound just like rhyme-a-riffic 1991 hit, Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back"
05. 1991 was the year that another song was released that still makes people today remember just how cool we all were back in the early 90s, that mullet-wealding cowboy, Billy Ray Cyrus's "Achey Breaky Heart".
06. Another mullet-weilding cowboy is Saved By the Bell's one and only AC-MOTHERFUCKING-SLATER!!!
Yoda bong says: "So stoned are you. Through you the power of the dark side flows. Give me a hit or slice your head off with my lightsaber will I."
Regards,
T-BONE!
All kinds of sloppy on those two entries but you know, it had heart. Sure not a technical, catch-as-catch-can masterpiece that you'd usually see in 6DO, but he took a risk and you got to respect him for that. Well you don't HAVE to per say. Actually I don't, hmmm, how the hell did he win then? Oh yeah, I used to like the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers too. Especially the Yellow one. She was Vietnamese I believe and died shortly after that first season. I always thought it was awfully racist that the Yellow ranger was Asian, the Black one was African American and yet the Red leader wasn't an Indian. WTF?? There is a guy in PWG who looks like a MMPR too, I keep hoping he'll change his finisher to the "Mighty Morphin Power Bomb" or the "Zord Driver". Eh. Well "T-Bone" if that IS in fact your real made up name. You win. You get a degree. Or rather a person. Choose wisely you should. And lay off the hash, you almost started making sense at the end there.
Left Overs…
Looks like Joey Mercury is headed back to Smackdown all by his lonesome. He wasn't there on RAW this week and not to spoil it for you but…no I think I will, he was indeed on SD. I'm sure he'll do fine, he has those cool little braids after all, I mean look what they did for Road Dogg…I mean, look what it did for Evan Karagias… uh… Jazz?
WWE is running a special show for the poor tired souls who have been fighting for years in a futile war that seems to have no reason behind it and no end in sight. Put there by some idiot with a God complex and the intellect of a gerbil and a warped sense of reality. God Bless you Rated RKO, and God speed.
Latest rumor going around (That I'm starting) is that the Armageddon match pitting Batista/Cena vs King Booker/Finlay is to start and angle that may lead to… Cena vs Batista at Wrestlemania. It could happen. I've even used my state of the art computer simulation program to figure out the results. No bare with me because nWo vs WCW for N64 doesn't have either guy in it, but I figure I can use Hulk Hogan for Cena and Alex Wright for Batista. And the result is… Cena wins with a back rake.
WWE.com reports some chick named Amy was released. I believe it was the blonde chick that was Jimmy Wang Yang's valet. No truth to the rumors that they may discontinue the Wangster's push and gimmick and re-debut him as an Asian Russian wrestler in the model of the Bolsheviks. I believe his name is rumored to be Jimmy Wang Yankoff.
So apparently the WWE developmental talent in DSW and OVW are supposed to read Eddie's book and then go over a list of 100 historical names linked to wrestling for research and study their contributions. Boy I can't wait for "Tryton's" book report on Cyndi Lauper.
Stephanie McMahon is said to be ‘real high' on 6'6". 295 lbs former Tough Enough contestant "The Real Deal" Daniel Rodimer. The guy looked like a cocky douche' bag with long curly blonde hair and brought nothing more to the table for some good height and a decent build. My guess? He's fuckin' her. I mean, would any of you be willing to go South on that McMahon's ‘swamp land' to get a good push? Geez, it would taste like HHH's breath down there…which is a lot like rimming McMahon by proxy when you come to think of it.
Ray Gordy, aka Terry Gordy's son, aka THE ZOMBIE may be tag teaming with Henry O. Godwin soon in the WWE. Makes sense, he should still wrestle as the Zombie. After all, then both can use dead gimmicks.
Explain to me again how 6'3", 235 lbs AJ Pierzynski vs 5'7", 165 lbs David Eckstein is supposed to be a fair fight? Its like an X-Division guy going up against Robert Roode…oh, well I guess by that logic Eckstein should dress up like a turkey?
The King of Europe Tournament will be starting soon, pitting representatives from all over the Indy world against some of Europe's finest. Winner gets to take on Borat in a naked wrestling contest. So far all 4 participants who have been announced are Orlando Jordan.
It's official the word "pwned" has just been recalled where ever it is they also put the word "Jiggy". Store it away people. Next person I see writing ‘pwned' in a hilarious manner when talkin' about wrestling is gettin' a "fppt" in their "asshple".
Lacey's disfigurement in RoH is horrible. However chances are she'll come back in 2 months with a huge rack and plumper lips. Damn it, sorry guys, I watch too much WWE I guess.
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Wow, the places looks so sterile and clean, like you could eat off it...her cleavage I mean.
DDP is suing Jay Z over the use of the "Diamond Cutter" symbol he does with his hands. DDP claims it is a hand gesture that is synonymous with his character. Which explains why Lita could retire after all these years from wrestling after she won that huge lawsuit over the Dairy farmers of America. Especially after doing that thing with their hands they do to milk those cows…that has been synonymous with Lita in the world of wrestling for years.
Pimpin' In High Places
Wow people are on the move, columns are switching days, new columnists are popping up like genital warts on Edge's package, it's a crazy, crazy world out there.:
Ask 411 is a good place to kill a few minutes out of your day. Plus, no one has dared to ask the question that is truly plaguing all of our thoughts: When will they finally reveal that Kenny's last name is...Kenny??
Csonka brings us 3 R's of DTD. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we'll see another ‘R' this time around. Retarded.
Meehan thinks Vince is innocent of any wrong doing in ECW's current rut/failure to make people give a rat's ass. Well maybe he has a point, but I'd just like to point out that it's been all down hill since the Zombie left town. Creepy huh?
Evo Scheme has lost it's smeggin' mind. I'm still waiting for the segment where Regal explains why his autobiography was named after this thing he does to ring rats in every city he's wrestled in...now what's the name of that book again?
Jules gives us the worst 10 Moments of the year. Oh yeah? How many of them rhyme with Kreat Ghali?
The 3 Wise Guys are actually a twosome this time around as David goes all Sabu on the other two. I'm telling ya, once they get a certain special guest...a certain THURSDAY based special guest on, those ratings are going to sky rocket.
Linkous pits Nitro vs Shelley. In what alternate universe does Nitro beat the technical wunderkind that is Alex Shelley. My guess is the universe where valet cleavage trumps all else. Man, I'd love to live in that cleavage. I mean universe. No...no I meant cleavage.
Hi/Lo looks at the Extreme Elimination Chamber and...um....Low Road. Why even kid you guys with a teaser right?
Stu Carpizzle is in the hizzle fo shizzle. Oh yeah, he also seems to think RoH and TNA are some kind of weird inbred cousins. Like folks from Kentucky.
Newbie Alert, looks like Sammy Berman is getting his 411 cherry popped as he debuts this week. Don't worry Sammy, you can't get pregnant your first time...*wink*.
I went to the debut show of Next Generation Wrestling in El Monte. I really wasn't planning on going but one of the PWG Ring Crew XXXpress was having a b-day thing and the rest of the crew convinced me to go. The bell time was supposed to be 6:30 pm and at 7:00 it started raining. The guy at the door told my girl that the time had been pushed back, apparently it was decided about 1 minute before the show was supposed to start. Then it started raining, my girl asked if we could be let in, the guy at the door said ‘no' and she could wait in her car. We were let in 20 mins later, the show started a little after 8 pm. All bad signs from a first time promotion. Then the ring announcer was horrible, they are trying to run an angle where the "owner" is a heel, and one of the referees was wearing jeans. Yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that the local guys busted their butts to try to at least put on a good show, the whole thing would have been a schmozz. Listen kids, if you wanna get you and a half dozen of your pals together to fund a small Indy promotion, how about you get your shit together before hand. Oh, and try not to piss off the people you might actually want to come back. Man, even untelevised wrestling makes me want to punch a damn baby. Well no clue what next week is about since I'll be busy packing for my trip back to Seattle for the holidays. Someone tell that Dawn Marie stripper to warm up the yaboos and put on a fresh set of panties...then...take ‘em off.
