WRestling’s 3R’s 12.15.06: RetRo Armageddon, TNA Builds to Turning Point; Russo-Rifficness Included, Finlay Brings the Awesome Again, Flair Returns and More!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 12.15.2006
You won’t believe this…but I really enjoyed Raw this week. Really, I am not kidding, go ahead and read on!
The 3R's of wRestling!
Introducción~!
Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling's 3R's! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks. There was no ECW this week since it will air tomorrow, so expect double the extreme next week. Speaking of ECW, I will no longer be recapping that show as I have decided to hire someone else for the job. This way I can focus more on the columns and watch Boston legal from now on. Denny Crane. We will look at Impact, which was better than last week's debacle, Raw which was pretty good, RetRo Armageddon from last year, which was a solid show and Geoff has Smackdown as always.
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in 3 categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~!
This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
iMpact!:
iMpact 12.07.06:
The Right:
Short Takes: Short takes is the little invention I made a while back. Basically there are always some things on a show that are right and wrong, but aren't big enough for a right or wrong of their own. So what we do is put them all under one banner, and we have short takes.
Styles vs. Rhino - Impact began this week with an irate Rhino in the ring. He had basically had enough and called out AJ Styles, so that they could settle this stuff. Christopher Daniels decided to try and make piece, but Rhino wasn't buying it. While they were playing Dr. Phil AJ ran out and started to attack Rhino. This led to a big pull apart, adding heat to the angle. Then later on as Rhino was announced for the "Throwing Money Away" main event, AJ attacked again, which cause security to come out again to try and break things up and taking Rhino out of the big main event.
Cage vs. Sting vs. Abyss - Once again I am digging the dynamic they have between the three guys. Not that crazy about the "secret" but as long as it isn't a Katie Vick rip, we're all good. I love the fact that Mitchell and Sting are vying for Abyss's soul, or is Sting just playing mind games in order to gain favor with the monster and take his title back. Abyss' black hole slam on the preacher man was also nice, as was Mitchell's reaction. The man is gold I tell ya!
Joe vs. Angle - The hype videos/promos for the Joe vs. Angle feud have been tremendous up to this point. While we can argue all day if we should have waited for the first showdown and if we should have delayed the 2nd match, they didn't; but they have built to it well with these video packages. They have been a highlight of the feud and the promos in the videos have been excellent.
puRgatory:
Nash and the PCS - Same as before, the Nash stuff is funny and Dutt and Lethal actually showed some personality, but in the long run I don't see how this will help the division.
The wRong:
Homicide does the job/AMW Lucha Brawl - While it was good follow up to have Petey and Homicide have a match, this was a colossal waste of time and it had the wrong end. First of all, if you are going to just have a 2-minute match; I am ok with you doing a shitty DQ ending. I am all for Petey going for the Destroyer and Hernandez coming in and destroying him, ala the LAX mold. But they rushed through a "match" if you want to classify it as that, and Homicide, one half of the tag champions, lost in 2-minutes. Then LAX beat down Petey, and it got worse. AMW ran out for the save. He cowboys that are pissed off at the Mexicans for wanting to burn the US flag and you would expect fists a flying and weapons and such. But what did we get? James Storm running into the ring and executing a LUCHA WHEEL BARREL! I cannot tell you the number of times I have busted that bad boy out in a bar room brawl.
The Ridiculous:
Eric Young vs. Miss Brooks - I really dislike this. I really dislike the way they are changing the Eric Young character and the fact that they have all but dropped the Roode push in exchange of this crap. Why?
-It is a waste of precious TV time.
-It will make no money.
I just can't get into it, no matter how wacky Eric is. Before he was just wacky because he was a paranoid and wanted to please everyone, now they are trying to make an effort to make him even wackier. It feels forced, way too forced. And then the match EY had with Senshi was nothing more than a backdrop for the angle. What a waste.
THE RUSSO-FN-RIFFIC~~~!:
The VKM - Ok, let me break this down so I don't have to every week. If they have a skit, it will most likely just have this attached to it.
-It is stupid.
-It makes no sense.
-It is a waste of precious TV time.
-It has no payoff.
-It will make no money.
The WE HATE MONEY Main Event - Ugh. To me this is a great definition of Russo-Riffic. Creating a huge match just to try and pop a rating and I believe that is what they tried to do here. And not even on a special or anything, just a regular episode of Impact. Let's look at this.
First of all, this "6-man challenge" match could have headlined a PPV. You have the NWA Champion Abyss, Former Champion Sting, Former Champion Christian Cage, Former Champion Rhino, Olympian and former Multiple Time WWE Champion Kurt Angle and TNA's big name Samoa Joe. That is a PPV headliner there.
At least they took Rhino out of the mix.
While they kept some of the interactions to a minimum, they missed the boat of first time meetings again. Joe vs. Sting is a match for down the line. Sting vs. Angle is a match for down the line. Why did they have to have them in this match, which was basically a throw away? You have meetings that people will pay for, why blow it now? Some will say it wasn't as bad as it seems, but I feel it was. For a young company that has to increase buy rates they could have hurt that here.
It got 7-minutes and had a commercial break in it! It was a fun 7-minutes and all, but at the end of the day this was counter productive booking. Angle pinned Joe…again. WHY? WHY ON EARTH would you do this? The man is undefeated for 18-months, and then Joe jobs in 7-minutes and looks like a total loser! CLEAN…ONE ANGLE SLAM! They had a WAR at the last PPV and they do this now. The Angle Slam is nothing more than a set up move anymore and Joe jobs to it. LAME.
SmackDown!: By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks
Smackdown 12.08.06:
Wow! I just saw the trailer for the new TNA videogame, and I gotta say, that looks AWESOME! I'm stoked! Although I'm still having a great time with "SmackDown! vs. Raw 2007", especially since I just took one of my own CAWs, Josh Carter, to the WT in Season mode! Next up…Apocalypse, a sort of long-lost third BROTHER OF DESTRUCTION. I think this weekend I'mma buy a sack and create a third, named Hot Carl. Yup. You should see his finisher…I call it Bombs Away…
So last week I asked you to respond and send in your favorite humorous WWF/E moments, and I actually got some responses:
Jude Terror puts it succinctly: "Stone Cold Steve Austin. Vince McMahon. Kurt Angle. Cowboy Hats."
A classic to be sure! Badges? We don't need no stinking badges! Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care! Good one, Jude!
Here's a great one from Dave Tucker: "I'm not 100% sure what you're after here and whether it has to be deliberately funny but the most I have ever laughed at WWE was in the Royal Rumble 2005 when Vince ran down at the end and injured both his legs getting in the ring. The sight of him sitting on the ground yelling at everyone and knowing how small he must have felt was hilarious!"
Indeed. While it really isn't very nice to laugh at the pain and suffering of others, considering Vince laughs all the way to the bank as a result of the shit he force-feeds us every week, I say, tit-for-tat. Oh, and it doesn't matter if it was intended to be funny, or if it was just something that struck you as such. Sometimes the best comedy just happens.
Madmex was apparently quite emphatic with respect to his vote, as he expressed himself in all caps!: "HAS BEEN FOR ME WOULD HAVE TO BE THE BOOKER T VS. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN IN A SUPERMARKET BRAWL. I SAW IT ON SMACKDOWN A FEW YEARS AGO AND JUST ABOUT WET MY PANTS, AND THEN I FOUND IT ON WWE 24/7 ONLINE, A FEW MONTHS AGO, AND STILL THOUGHT IT TO BE THE FUNNIEST THING ON WWE, EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME HAS PASSED. AWWW GOOD TIMES."
Loathe as I am to admit it, and perhaps it's evident from all the shit I talk about the "All-America City", this segment took place at the Green Frog market in my hometown of Bakersfield, just blocks from Jefferson Park where my high school swim team practiced. I was actually at the market a few years ago while visiting my family during the holidays and just wandered through it, eyes all big, barely able to stifle busting a gut in the produce section. I think I actually yelled over my shoulder as I left, "Price check on jackass!"
3 R's favorite Todd Vote had a somewhat esoteric offering: "Kind of odd that my favorite Ha-ha moments of Recent WWE flavor involve 3 of my all time favorite wrestlers: The Rock, Gregory "Hurricane" Helms, and Christian (interesting side note, Christian and Hurricane are both shown in the special features on Superman Returns, sitting with one of the writers, but are never actually mentioned. They just kind of mug for the camera) ...Both moments involve The Rock trying to build a future for the business. They are the Rock's work with the Hurricane, and the stuff between Rocky and Christian. Hurricane had never been better than he was in his interaction with the Rock. His stuff with Christian was gold, putting him over as the new People's Champ? Too bad the E never bothered to really capitalize on either case. Bastards."
Bastards indeed. Bummer I spaced watching the special features when I had "Superman Returns" from Netflix, but after almost 2 ½ hours, I was a little over it. Good movie and all, but altogether unspectacular in my view. Bring on Spider-Man 3!!!
As for what's made me wake my neighbors laughing at WWE programming:
I'll never forget the Lunge of Doom by Scott Steiner, when he fall down go funny boom-boom off the apron…that was comedy you just can't write.
Call me gross. I was on the floor laughing at Poopstain Patterson. He just looked so proud of himself…
But the funniest thing of all time has GOT to be the Miss Rumble 2000 contest. Seeing Mae Young chase pervy old Jerry Lawler around the ring, saggy boob in hand, and that lurching pelvic thrust as she wiped that penoir in her crotch was so priceless, I couldn't even breathe, much less when she won the damn thing and broke away from Mark Henry, naked to the waist, her Shar-Pei puppies swinging in the wind. JR's commentary added a LOT to the segment, too. "You can say that again…LATE entry." "Ol' Mae looks to have had a nip! She's been in the cookin sherry again!" "Maybe she stopped by the AARP mixer on the way in tonight!" Fucking GOLD. I scarred one of my buddies for life with that one. I miss Mae…
The Right:
And we're back on track – Most importantly, welcome back, Dave Taylor! Who says the old guys can't bounce Right back? Oh…that was me…hahaha. Luckily, the early prognoses for the meniscus tear were highly exaggerated, as Taylor was only sidelined for a couple of months, and not the 4-6 months as was initially reported. Kudos to McMahonagement for sticking with this storyline, even when neither team was featured on the SURVIVOR SERIES card, for not abandoning what could be an exceptional team in Regal & Taylor and for managing to downshift into low gear as we rode out Taylor's rehabilitation while still keeping the feud in our minds and visible on SD!. An incredibly rare showing of the kind of booking some of us old timers remember and pine for in these days of instant gratification and discontinuity.
If I have one complaint, it's the fact that the WWETTCs sorely appeared outclassed by the Brits tonight, as, once they lost their early advantage, never really regained it, although there was some hope for them following the (formulaic) hot tag. Of course we saw that Ashley was the undoing of the champions, and is plainly obvious that she will eventually be the cause of their acrimonious split. While Larry seems to bemoan the break up of THE HOULIGANS (and I can echo that sentiment to an extent, because I do love this team), considering that Ash will be featured on the cover of Playboy come WrestleMania time, I think it stands to reason to assume that the program pitting Brian Kendrick & Paul London against one another will likely be a somewhat high-profile one, and should easily get them to the PPV, which means the big pay day for them and most likely a let-it-all-hang-out match in Detroit. Sounds like we all win to me!
Just because it doesn't spin doesn't mean it shouldn't be defended! – Well I'll be damned. I think Dok Hendrix reads the R's. We FINALLY had Jimmy Wang Yang versus Jamie Noble in a CWT #1 Contender's Match, for which I've been BEGGING. It's a shame the whole Matt Hardy/Gregory Helms program ended up limping out of the arena without the solid blow-off it deserved, but, as with the above situation, we appear to be back in business with regard to the CWT.
At this point, however, I've come to the conclusion that, although I believe tag team wrestling can be salvaged and resurrected in WWE, the CruiserWeight situation has simply died. I've been watching some old WWF circa. 1997-98, and the entire reason the Light-Heavyweight/CruiserWeight Title was created in the first place was Vince's way of retaliating against one of the very few things Uncle Eric was actually doing Right those 85 weeks, bringing awesome CruiserWeight action to the grand stage. It was also one of the few things Vince was never able to replicate and improve upon, mainly because his heart (to say nothing of his wallet) just wasn't in it. And if it wasn't so when his back was against the wall, it certainly won't be now that he runs the only game in town on his level. Besides, with the average acceptable size of the modern main-eventer becoming smaller in stature overall (recall that Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Jericho were all CWs in WCW, and were considered such upon jumping to the WWF as well), it seems foolish to pigeonhole today's CWs in such a manner. In actuality, despite having Noble, Scotty 2 Hotty and Funaki on the roster, as talented as these guys are, they've not been a threat in years, leaving the only CWs of note being Helms and JWY. I really don't see the point in belaboring a CWT with two people in the division.
At any rate, what we had here tonight was just about as awesome a match as I've been looking forward to between JWY and Noble. I'm pissed that Noble got such a raw deal with the termination of his former partner Kid Kash; he deserves MUCH better and tonight's performance damn sure proved it. JWY was nothing short of flawless and spectacular, as usual and I think we could see something really special between Helms and him, regardless of what you or I think of the CW division. Just wish this could have gone longer!
Oh, and Helms is highly underrated for his commentary, as well. I still am amazed at how completely he's managed to put behind him all those years as The Hurricane and totally re-invent himself as a heel. If he were 6' 3" 275, he'd be on Raw vying for the ICT. Be-lee dat, playa.
purgatory:
McMahonagement gets "booking backward" wRong – Remember back when Vince used to book from WrestleMania to WrestleMania backward? He'd wrap up one PPV and then book ahead to the next, working out the outcome of the major programs and angles, and then book backward from there to the present day to assure himself, his performers and his fans a true and certain Road to WrestleMania. Well, with the current WT picture, it appears that Aurora's mommy might have misunderstood what Vince meant when he told her to employ the same philosophy.
I made the point last week that the Triple-Threat WT match featuring King Bookah and Finlay challenging Batista could and should have been the ARMAGEDDON main event, and I stand by that even more this week. Considering the premise, that being that My Sovereign Lord was guaranteed a rematch, in addition to the fact that Finlay and Batista have some pretty long-standing heat and that Bookah has yet to defeat Finlay, that to me seems like pretty solid ground to build to a PPV-quality Triple-Threat main event, which is pretty much what we were given on free TV last week.
See, check this out. SD! following SURVIVOR SERIES, we have Bookah come to the ring and demand his rematch, then Finlay comes out, just as we had, demanding his shot because he's got heat with Batista and Bookah's never beaten him. Fair enough. Make Bookah/Batista that night and the following week, or even that night, stick Finlay in a #1 Contender's match against another suitable possible contender like The Boogeyman (I KNOW someone just spit up a beverage on their screen at that one; actually, this would have been a great place for Kennedy to have fit in, as opposed to being buried by THE BROTHERS…). Finlay comes out and causes a DQ, pissing off Bookah. Week after that, Finlay gets his shot, having won his #1 Contention match (which would be the match we had tonight), whereby Bookah returns the favor and costs Finlay the bout via DQ. Long gets fed up and makes the Triple-Threat for the PPV, which is essentially the match we had last week.
Don't get me wRong, these have been AWEsome matches, I'm not questioning the quality of the contests the performers have been providing, not at all! It's just the booking that has my cKs in a bunch…especially because we're building to a SD! (pseudo) exclusive PPV…that's going to feature John Cena! AAUUGGHH! You mean that he's so dominant that Umaga and MNM with Kevin Federline (okay, not that he's a big threat, but it's going to be a billed as a high profile match, so it should seem as if he has, as JR would say, all he can say grace over already in front of him) aren't enough? He has time to come over to poor widdle SmackDown and save what they're already apparently expecting to be a crap buy rate? This is such absolute bullshit. The match will be a lot of fun, but Cena, as much I do genuinely like him, is absolutely unnecessary in this regard and should be left on his OWN BRAND.
The wRong:
Speaking of main events – Okay, I need to get this out first of all…the World Champion in a match, with extremely rare exceptions, should always be the show-closing main event, otherwise it leaves the viewer with the sense that perhaps the brand's belt isn't as important as what's closing the show, and that's a bad thing, because, no matter what, the belt SHOULD be the most important aspect of a wrestling program! This crap with Kennedy, MVP and THE BROTHERS has been dominating the main spot for a few weeks now, which makes me feel as if I should come away with the feeling that THIS is what I'm meant upon which to focus and, if that's the case, WHY IS WRITTEN SO PISS POOR?!
Lemme try and get this straight now. MVP is set against Kane, can't manage any offense against him, yet always gets the win in the end and can get neither offense nor a win against The Undertaker. Kennedy is set against Taker, always gets the win in the end, but gets his ass handed to him before and after the decision, but manages to get some offense in on Kane, but never wins against him. Taker comes out of any match against Kennedy with a loss, a bloody forehead and sore knuckles. Kane is everyone's bitch. Except when he tags with big brother, then they beat living shit out both of them and Kennedy takes the fall. But Kennedy is supposedly being built like a superstar because he's getting the rub from Taker in all these high profile matches, main event spots and from delivering the most consistently fantastic promos on the brand (maybe in all three). Riiiiiiiiiight.
A hoof up-side yo head, you gotta hoof up-side yo head! – I've said it before, I'll say it again, as long as we can keep the focus on the in-ring portion of the Chris Benoit/Chavo Guerrero program, it's all good, but the moment we shift emphasis to the Eddie's estate/stay out of Guerrero business crap, this becomes nearly unbearable. I have to give Bessie some props, though, for being a wrestler's wife, she's a damn good actress and throws a hell of a right hoof, as Benoit would attest, I'm sure, but this is such a misappropriation of all involved talents, it's simply ludicrous.
And when the hell did Sylvan earn a UST shot?! Did I miss a "Title shot on Patterson's pole" match somewhere? The fact that Benoit is putting away anyone in under a minute above a local jobber is asinine. Of COURSE he's that good, he's fucking BENOIT. LAME.
The Ridiculous:
Hey, Lafave, I got back up, yes I do, I got back up, how bout YOU? – With regard to the MVP conflict, I received an e-mail from a fellow with the suspicious name of Vince:
I just got done reading your take on MVP, I went to a match in flint Michigan last month he fought Kane, it was a total mess, MVP was thrown out of the ring, he acted as he was hurt, he couldn't get up and such, This went on for a min or two, Kane came out to get him, he then hauled ass running like a scared bitch, Kane ran after him and the both disappeared back stage, We figured they would come back with Kane dragging that asshole back, but they never came out, even the ring announcer couldn't believe it, was the worst ending I had seen at a live event, I know his sorry ass wasn't hurt, he just acted like screw this!! I am outa here.. Like you said, I have no idea how he got billed this high already, Keep up the good work I enjoyed your commentary.
So that's the kind of shit you're being treated to at house shows, huh? Hey, Linda, how were the house shows doing this quarter? Uh-huh, and you wonder WHY with satisfied customers like this? (And thank you, Vince, I enjoyed yours as well…although I can just see Lafave glaring at his computer, stomping his foot, hands balled up on his hips, exclaiming, "Nuh-UHHHH!!!")
Okay, I'll get this out Right now. The MVP segment with Teddy Long is in The Ridiculous because we're stuck with yet another tag match pairing up MVP & Kennedy against THE BROTHERS next week. Oh, fucking SPARE ME. Just book a Buried Alive match and be fucking done with it.
NOW…as I said, I've been watching some old WWF lately and I was struck by a certain similarity I feel compelled to juxtapose for you here. Once upon a time, before there was TNA, young Jeff Jarrett was busy ping-ponging between the WWF and WCW. At the offset of what would become his final stint with Vince, Jarrett returned playing the big shot, demanding a huge contract, beset with riders, which he used to get out of his first two scheduled matches on Raw Is War until Commissioner Slaughter placated him by finding a suitable opponent for him at the upcoming PPV…The Undertaker. JJ went on to the PPV and actually got the "W" over Taker because at the offset of the bout, newly-debuted Kane came to the ring and attacked JJ, causing the ref to throw out the match as a result of a DQ and the focus of the situation shifted to whether or not Taker would succumb and fight his little brother at WrestleMania. Hmm. Aside from the pea soup irony implicit in this parallel, where have I seen this sort of thing happening recently…?
Look, the "big shot" gimmick didn't work for JJ (as he soon was stuck, again, in ironic fashion, into the NWA resurgence angle with Jim Cornette) and he even had the clout coming in to play it up as such. MVP doesn't even have those legs to stand on. This is all just Vince playing Russo-recycle and I guarandamntee you that Taker is the only one coming out of this program alive. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me at all if this whole scenario wasn't an elaborate means by which to turn Kane against Taker, leading to WrestleMania, an extension of Taker's undefeated streak, while Kennedy and MVP are given the Chris Masters/Carlito treatment.
When will they learn? – Calling out W…O…R…M! is only going to call out one person? Seriously, as I said before, here's just another example of the same old shit with Boogey. Someone either goes worm gargling, or they get away, leading to the inevitable. I say, kick this shit off the show and give JWY and Noble another four minutes.
And in closing – This isn't Ridiculous, just a comment. Finally saw "Talladega Nights" last night and I'd definitely recommend seeing it…The Ballad of Bobby Howard is AWESOME (and if you get that, you get a Slammy!).
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RAW!:
Raw 12.11.06:
The Right:
Some things Cena - There were some things this week that involved Cena that were pretty good, and I just lumped them all together to discuss here.
Cena vs. Armando: I loved the Cena vs. Armando segment. Armando is a horrible wrestler, and since debuting on Raw has ONLY been portrayed as a manager. When you are a manager, you talk a ton of shit like a wrestler but when you get into the ring you are a pussy and he was at that. He offered many gifts to Cena, but ended up taking a proper ass kicking. This was good stuff.
Building up to K-Fed: While I do not in any way shape or form want to see Cena vs. K Fed, they did a good job of keeping the upcoming match fresh in our minds and building up to it without K Fed himself on TV. The attack by Nitro was set up well, and it led to another match later in the evening.
His "match" with Nitro: The match with Nitro was a good little match. While I have issues with it, and I will discuss them later on, Nitro really looked like he belonged, and not just a tag guy looking for an identity. Pretty good stuff there.
Victoria, still crazy - She killed the last bitch on the list and is all set to go. I am so happy to see her as a more serious performer as it is a breath of fresh air. Now Victoria's ass gets to battle Mickie's ass in a battle for supreme control of the universe, and it will be grand.
DX and Flair vs. RKO and Kenny - At first I was a bit upset at the bait and switch that they did. But then I thought, I didn't want to see an Orton singles match anyway, HHH would have just buried him and I would have been pissy. Instead we got a 6-man tag. It seems that there is one thing WWE ALWAYS does very well, and that is 6-man tags on free TV. So I was all for this. I loved Kenny trying to gain the respect of RKO while trying to rid himself of the Spirit Squad stench, as I loved Flair coming back to tag with DX for some revenge. We got a really fun 14-minute match, which is nice to see out of Raw, as they tend to so a ton of short and rather worthless matches most weeks. This made Larry a happy camper. I really would have loved to see the heels get the win here, but I am ok with it. DX did not win, and RKO did not lose. Kenny took the loss to Flair. While Kenny needs wins to be taken seriously, I think this is all part of the "initiation" and him proving himself. As long as the follow up booking is string, then I am ok with this and will keep it in the right this week.
The World's Greatest Tag Team Returns - So after what seems like a eternity of me bitching that there is no tag teams in WWE and that it would probably be along time before we saw some again, it "appears" as if they could be actually headed back in that direction. With that in mind, we officially got the reformation of The World's Greatest Tag Team this week on Raw. I have to say that I am all for this. Shelton has been stuck in mid-card, no angle hell for a long time now and while Haas returned somewhat strongly, he quickly floundered as part of the "Bros before Hos" tag team. To me they were going to do nothing as singles, right now anyway, and this is the best use of them. We had a hint of it last week, and that played into this week while Cryme Tyme was having a little "3-Card Monty" action backstage.
The funny thing is that this is actually very Russo-Riffic in one way. Instead of them just coming back together in an effort to be a success again, they were oddly thrown back together and are going to be the wacky partners that don't always see eye to eye, as you could see with Haas's little "DY-NO-MYTE" last Monday and the reactions Shelton is giving him. It isn't a bad thing, as it will make for some comedy, and I actually liked when he decided to go that way with AMW in the beginning. They don't have to perfectly get along, just function as a team and have some personality, which this should give them both. Rory was funny as he said, "I didn't know Charlie Haas was black."
puRgatory:
Umaga vs. Hardy - In theory I LOVED what they did here. You take the number one contender, one who some aren't convinced of and make him into a truly uncontrollable savage, killing a loved face and he is over. Up until this point, and until last week's brawl with Cena, Umaga has gotten most of his heat through Armando, but it is changing now as people are getting into him as a beast, a killer beast. The glory is that it WAS explained early on by Lawler. "You know JR, with out Armando at ringside, who can stop the onslaught of Umaga?" That was a key statement as Armando has always been the one to give the sign to finish the match, and has always been the one to hold him back. He wasn't there due to Cena taking him out and was just an unstoppable beast, and that did not stop until Hardy was basically dead. They had a good match overall, and in all honesty this did a lot to add to the mystique of Umaga and to make him look like a true number one contender.
The only problem I have with the match is that they chose Jeff Hardy for the spot. Why would you sacrifice your IC champion in this situation? The CI Title has been very devalued, and since Hardy has been back and has had very good matches with Johnny Nitro the title has actually started to mean something. The IC Title, if used correctly like it was once upon a time is a steppingstone. The champion was a man ready for the next level and in theory the #1 contender for the world title. Hardy has done very well since his returned, but this is just such a questionable move in my opinion. He had been made to look strong, but has virtually been sacrificed for Umaga. All off the heels of them announcing an IC Title Cage match for the next PPV. We just saw Hardy AND Nitro defeated and rather easily. Why should we want to pay for a match like that? Come and see who is the best of the mid-card losers? For the love of God, find other people to use in these situations.
The wRong:
Some other things Cena - While Cena did some things that were very good, he was also involved in some things that were not so good. Not entirely his fault, as it was the booking, but it makes the heading easier so that is why it is called what it is.
No PPV Mention: First of all, would it have killed him to mention, that you know, in a few days he is main eventing a PPV? You are in the main event there, and perhaps, a mention would entice some people to buy the show. WWE: We Hate Money.
Defeating Nitro so Easily: While the "match" with Nitro was good, the result wasn't that great. TO me he defeated him too quickly. Some will say that "John Cena is on a different level than Nitro" and this is a truth, but the fact is that this rather easy defeat came off the heels of them announcing an IC Title Cage match for the next PPV. We just saw Hardy AND Nitro defeated and rather easily. Why should we want to pay for a match like that? Come and see who is the best of the mid-card losers? For the love of God, find other people to use in these situations.
The Ridiculous:
When Jerry Lawler is the best worker in a match in 2006… - Seriously, when Jerry Lawler is the best worker in a match in 2006, there are issues. Also when Viscera is the 2nd best worker in the match there are even bigger issues. Masters is still bad and isn't getting any better. My feelings are still the same on Carlito as well. Also, who the hell booked this match? Finishing a 500lb man with a school boy? Lord that was stupid.
ECW on Sci-Fi!:
ECW on Sci-Fi!: 12.--.06:
ECW is on Saturday this week, so that means that Larry gets a little break! I will probably try and shove it into next week's column, making it doubly extreme I suppose. Take care, and if you really want to watch ECW it is on Saturday at 8pm. Have fun, I know I will be drinking a little extra in celebration.
RetRo WWE ARMAGEDDON 2005:
Match Results:
JBL defeated Mat Hardy @ 6:52 via pin *
MNM defeated the Mexicools @ 9:00 via pin ***
Chris Benoit defeated Booker T @ 20:21 via submission ****
Bobby Lashley defeated William Regal and Paul Burchill @ 3:40 via pin *
Kid Kash defeated Juvi to become the NEW Cruiserweight Champion @ 9:40 via pin ***¼
The Big Show and Kane defeated Batista and Rey Mysterio @ 9:39 via pin *¼
Hell in a Cell: The Undertaker defeated Randy Orton @ 30:33 via pin **¼
The Right:
Benoit vs. Booker T - Without doubt their best match of the series. I was let down with the Survivor Series match, and what I saw of the other ones didn't impress me that much. I was not looking forward to the match this time because I just thought the magic might have been gone. Thankfully I was wrong. They had a great slow start, which I felt lad the ground work very well. They picked it up and then used finishes of their other matches to tease that Benoit would be screwed and swept. In the end he got the big win to a great ovation, which was rightfully deserved as both men busted their asses. Great job fellas, I just hope you can keep this level up.
Kash vs. Juvi: The Match - Kid Kash (asshole) and Juvi (problem waiting to happen) put on a really good match here on this show. We'll talk about the crowd later. Anyway they went out there and had a very good and stiff match and did everything in their power to get the crowd going; unfortunately everything they tried was for not as the crowd only responded on the last minute or so. I mean, they did a SUPER FUCKIN RANA and it was like, "yay." Someone said if this match was in TNA the crowd would have ate it up and I would have been calling it a MOTY candidate. Well, if it WAS in TNA, the crowd would have responded and loved it. But I never would call this a MOTY, because Kash and Juvi right now cannot touch the shit that Daniels, AJ and Joe have been doing. Fact. But a good match that was highly under appreciated for reasons we will discuss later.
MNM vs. The Mexicools - These 4 guys get a special mention, because they wet out there and performed well. Their match meant jack shit basically because of Batista and Rey's tag title win, which I still think is bullshit. The match was a good match, and they really worked hard and did some stuff they normally wouldn't be allowed to do, probably on their own. I just wish they could have fully cut loose. Anyway, good work from all 4 men here, Melina as well. It is nice to see some good tag team action on a WWE PPV.
The wRong:
Kash vs. Juvi: The Build, hence the reaction - So the match was good. But the WWE fans did not care about it…Why? First off they ran an angle right before hand that depicted suicide. That's a downer. Then, the fact of the Cruiser Champion is almost NEVER on Smackdown and Kash has been mostly on Velocity could be another reason. The WWE conditions their audience to not give two shits about smaller wrestlers; especially their cruiserweight division.
Kane and Show vs. Batista and Rey - Ok, let's see here. #1 the match wasn't that good. #2 Big Dave worked too much of the match, that really isn't rehab man; take a break. #3, what was the point in Batista and Show winning the tag titles off of MNM? Now they make the rest of the SD tag teams look weak by randomly teaming up to take the titles and then LOSING to the other brand's tag champions! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!
The Devil's Playground fails to deliver in different ways… - Now, I know a lot of people do not like Randy Orton and I understand that. But, they are determined to push him as the next big main eventer, again. Now, in this feud with the Undertaker the build was hokey, unspectacular and Orton looked like a bitch 90% of the time. The HIAC match was the chance to make him, much like the Foley match made him; a viable contender. So what did they do? They had him look like a bitch a good part of the match and in the end he LOST. Yes, he LOST to the Undertaker. He is now the Undertaker's bitch. He had the help of his father, and Taker took them both out, tombstoned them and pinned Randy to win a LONG cell match.
So, how are we supposed to believe in him as this "viable next main eventer?" Some will say that they will just have him win the Rumble. Great. The man that has looked like a bitch for months is supposed to get instant credibility because he wins that. Sorry but that is an ass plan. Onto the match, it wasn't horrible but as a blow off to this "hugely promoted feud" is sucked. It went way to long and Randy ended up looking way to weak. I just think that the whole deal was a failure at what they wanted, which is a shame because it could have been much more.
The Ridiculous:
In Ring Punishment? - Add another log to the circle jerk fire. Apparently the whole Boogey Man segment with Vito and Nunzio was punishment for Vito being an asshole backstage. That's cute, waste time on a show we paid $35 for to jerk off over locker room etiquette. Also, Matt Hardy's job to JBL was a form of punishment. Hardy was supposed to eat a Chokeslam from a returning Undertaker at Survivor Series, but ducked from the ring. The locker room dispensed the justice and he got the squasheroo on PPV. Although JBL did cut a ***** promo on him, so I kinda liked that one. Anyway, keep this "shit" off the PPV and try to put on a good show with out jerking off over yourselves.
The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:
Tim White's Suicide - First off, this COULD have been a good angle. They had it started that the cell cost him his career and his life outside of wrestling due to his injury. I was with them there, and thought that was neat to do.
BUT…but then it turns into Tim White's an alcoholic, with irritable bowel syndrome. Yeah, that was bad. But then it gets worse as he pulls out a shotgun. He goes off screen and Josh Matthews does the worst acting job EVER and we hear a shot; supposedly White killed himself. We get back to Cole and Tazz, and for the most part they joke and NO SELL it.
With all of their using death is horrible ways for cheap heat, this was the last thing they should have been doing. It was HORRIBLE TASTE, and had no place on a wrestling PPV. It also shut down the PPV momentum wise, and Kash and Juvi paid the price. Just another angle that shows that the McMahon family either has no taste or is totally out of touch with reality. Pathetic.
Final PPV Thoughts:
There was a lot not to like angle wise on the show, booking aside we were treated to some good matches and this was better than most brand only shows and even Summerslam or Survivor Series at points. I will go 7.0 out of 10 for the show.
READER RANT TIME!
From John on December to Dismember -
I went to that god awful ppv. I bought the tickets the day they went on sale
because, at that point, ECW had not completely gone down the toilet, though,
with the scarcity of "extreme rules" matches, I could see the water
swirling. the biggest thing that pissed me off about the show was the main
event. the match was originally supposed to be RVD's rematch against the big
show after being screwed time and time again. Heyman manipulated things as
usual and turned it into the consistently terrible elimination chamber
match. how fucking anticlimactic was it for RVD to go out in the first 15 or
so minutes in the match?! his journey failed, having never even locked up
with the big show?! and who the hell is Lashley?! how is he so over that he
can just walk into the company and take the damn belt?! the coolest thing he
did all night? the table in that goddamned chamber was blocking the view of
everyone in our section. we screamed for him to move it for several minutes,
and to our surprise, he did. of course, he still sucks, and as soon as punk,
holly, and RVD got eliminated, we left. I mean, if you're not going to give
RVD his shot, and if it's just going to come down to the big slow and the
'roid freak, avoid the clusterfuck altogether. just let Vince get his
hard-on watching show and Lashley grab ass, and put the four other guys in
more constructive matches. I mean, it was supposed to be an ECW show, right?
I mean, the sandman did come in through the crowd and spray us with beer
(which was unfortunately the most exciting and "ECW authentic" moment of the
night--I mean, who the hell had the idea to take out Sabu without warning,
especially when they were probably just going to punk him out in the match
anyway--but I digress). where were the "extreme rules" matches? where was
the violence? why were balls Mahoney and Stevie Richards (in a dark match)
the only originals to get the wins that night? how hard do the fans have to
scream for someone before some dipshit in the booking meetings says, "maybe
we should push this guy"? and if it were just a damn WWE show, where were
the talented and, dare I hope, charismatic WWE guys? god knows I didn't pay
$80 to see Sylvester Terkay or the great Khali or René Dupree (dark match).
for the last few years, it seems like Vince just wants to stroke his ego. he
just wants to put out the crappiest product he can and still make money. the
harder the fans cheer for RVD, Chris Benoit, and the late Eddie Guerrerro,
the more Vince wants to spite us and give us big show or randy Orton or JBL
as champ. there's a difference between the fans loving to hate an effective
heel character and fans actually hating a person who lacks the proverbial
"it" (which I don't think the WWE can wrap their heads around, what with
them being stuck up their own asses). ugh, Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays
don't mean anything to me anymore, and I guess they don't to the McMahon's
and company, either.
From James on various things -
First off, I agree that we need to voice our opinions of WWE shoddy workmanship by boycotting PPV and products. I have been watching them since as far back as I can remember. I am 34 so I have invested time and money into their product. I have been on a downward slope as a fan these past few months and the speed with which I am rapidly gaining speed as a naysayer is alarming to me. Having attended many live shows (house and TV) I recently attended my first WWE PPV (Rumble). I was excited for this already and then found out that they were bringing back the old style Rumble matches. I was very pumped, only to be yet again deflated. It was craptacular to say the least. My fears about the ECW were confirmed after reading your live reports. I have gone from being a rabid fan to slightly interested in Smackdown when I watch it while getting ready for work. TNA has a long row to hoe, but I have not yet been disappointed in there shows or PPVs yet.
Some readers may say that they have problems just as much as WWE, if not more so. That may be. But you can attribute these concerns to TNA being a fairly new promotion (no matter how long some employees have been in the business). WWE however is an established entity that seems to have lost the longing to cater to its fans, much like many large corporations, which is a problem our society faces as a whole. An example is ending the PPV early. Technically it didn't end early. In the past on cable PPV channels we were treated to a free pre show to hype the bigger show, even if it was just a promo full of clips. The half hour broadcast by Comcast is now part and parcel of the PPV, which is technically part of the show itself. I don't want to pay for 30 mins. of Matthews hyping the show. To quote a line (I'm paraphrasing) "They fuck you at the drive through because they know you're not coming back". Well they got that part right. I'll take my chances with TNA.
And finally from Rich on various things -
Here is my concern with the new ECW and why I feel that no matter what the ratings it is doomed to be a failure. Instead of picking a direction, the powers that be have decided to run rough shot over ECW's legacy by picking and choosing what they want to use or not. Being a huge fan of the original ECW, I had no issue with the Big Show being the champ since he was able to pull off being a monster thug at times (something he didn't do much of on Raw). But I do have a problem with the no extreme rules matches except when stipulated. Its nice to not get blood in every match, but the one thing that made the original ECW great was the unpredictability. You never quite knew what was going to happen of who was going to get it. It's just those little things that made ECW original and unique. This new ECW has taken the name but not the soul and worst yet has taken the faces of the original ECW and turned them into nothing more then company shills. You could see it written all over the faces of Paul Heyman, RVD and Tommy Dreamer. This is why the new ECW will fail. The hardcore fans who love ECW will be disappointed by the new direction and new ECW fans will miss half the picture since they aren't familiar with ECW lore. Mark my words, ECW will be the new Heat by the middle of next year thanks to VKM's ego.
