The Shimmy 12.18.06: The Snitsky Report Card (Part One)
Posted by Andy Clark on 12.18.2006
"I once killed Kane's unborn fetus, but we're over that now."
Welcome back boys and girls, to another stunning edition of The Shimmy. I hope all of you are well. Yesterday I watched by beloved Steelers kick the crap out of the Carolina Panthers (I'm writing this on Thursday, so perhaps it is wishful thinking [EDIT: Nope, it was true!]), and now I should be on my way home. Back in the homeland, WWE has just finished up their first PPV in Richmond in nine years. Was it any good? It had to be better than December to Dismember, right? Next week I'll give you the full Andy Enjoyment Index of the event. Plus, I should have some live notes from Tuesday's SmackDown & ECW tapings from Hampton as well.
Now, let me let you in on something. As the holidays approach, I have been struggling to find something special to share with you all in the column. This is the week before Christmas, this column should be all kinds of awesome. So I though to myself, what could I possibly do that would rule. Then it hit me, the gift that keeps on giving: a big, bacne covered freak with a foot fetish and wacky beard! That's right, I hinted at it eons ago, but it is finally here. The Snitsky Report Card!
Now, we all know our good friend Gene has not found himself on the pay shows too much lately. In fact, seeing as how the ‘E has cut down on their live pre-game shows in favor of studio clip shows, Snitsky's opportunities on the big paydays are even less. Therefore, not only will I be covering Snits' PPV outings, but also any other big matches he may have been in along the way. Plus, that means I can stretch this sucker to next week's Christmas edition as well! So sit back, relax and enjoy a stroll down memory lane as we take a look at Heidenreich's favorite friend.
Weapon of Choice, Chain Match: Snitsky vs. Kane (Taboo Tuesday 2004)
After having one of the best debuts by a midcarder ever, and by cutting one of the most unintentionally funny promos this side of Sid Vicious, Snitsky made his PPV debut against the Big Red Baby Daddy at Taboo Tuesday. The fans had the option of choosing whether the weapon of choice would be a lead pipe, a steel chair, or a chain. Fortunately the fans chose the least boring option. The only thing that would have been better would be if they had played Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" in the background. Well, that and Snitsky actually remembering to pin Kane. The match itself sucked, but it gave us a glimpse at the greatness that would be Snitsky.
My Grade: D+
Classic Survivor Series Elimination Match, Winners Get Control of Raw for a Month: Triple H, Batista, Edge, & Snitsky vs. Randy Orton, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, & Maven (Survivor Series 2004)
Two months in and Snitsky was already main eventing one of the Big Four PPVs. Unfortunately he wouldn't get too much of a role in the match, but he would get to beat up Maven and look like a badass. I really wish his team would have won as a week of Raw run by Snitsky would have been pure gold.
My Grade: B+
Snitsky vs. Kane (New Year's Revolution 2005)
You know what? People will completely crap on this match, but it was a decent power match up. Snitsky and Kane developed a good chemistry together, probably because they fought so dang much. This was Kane's payback match. Many people thought that this would be the end of our foot fetish friend, but they would be sorely, sorely mistaken.
My Grade: C+
No Holds Barred Match: Snitsky vs. Kane (Raw, 1/17/05)
The battle between these two rivals was pretty fun, but the overselling was freaking weak. The chokeslam off the stage was cool, but just thinking of the cartoonish death-selling in the following weeks is just too much.
My Grade: C-
2005 Royal Rumble Match (Royal Rumble 2005)
This was probably the pinnacle of Snitsky as a singles guy. He got to do the big man showdown with John Cena, Kane, and Batista. Unfortunately he and Kane were both still selling their No Holds Barred injuries to a ridiculous extent. Still, Snitsky contributed to the spot of the night by flipping Paul London inside out off the apron.
My Grade: B+
Steel Cage Match: Snitsky vs. Kane (Raw, 1/31/05)
Again, another solid outing from these two. I remember Kane ripping the door off to chokeslam Snitsky on, which was kind of strange, yet cool. This was the final blowoff match between these two, much to the delight of smarky internet fans everywhere.
Shelton Benjamin and Snitsky both had some surprisingly good chemistry together. They were still keeping Snitksy kind of strong, so he only lost be DQ. In all honesty, had Shelton not been in the Money in the Bank Match, I wouldn't have minded seeing these guys hook up at WrestleMania for the IC Title.
I don't remember much from this match, as I don't think it was very long. All I remember is that Shelton returned the favor from the previous week and absolutely leveled Snitsky with a chair. I shouldn't really rate the match since it wasn't that long, but the chairshot in and of itself if deserving of a B.
This match could have been much better than it was. Part of the problem was that Batista was stuck in a temporary rut following his awesome contract signing segment. It seemed as if the fans didn't know how to respond after the turn happened, and Batista didn't seem to know how to handle it. Unfortunately this match turned out to be a complete and utter stinker, even though it had the potential to be a good big man match up.
My Grade: D-
30-Man Interpromotional Battle Royal (WrestleMania 21)
This Battle Royal was much better than the one at WrestleMania 22 this year. Snitsky was one of the bigger names in the match and he managed to last for a pretty long time. This match also saw Snitksy turn on his friend Heidenriech by eliminating him. Too bad that wasn't played up on, you know, actual television. Booker T eventually won, as he should have, but Snitsky put on a nice showing.
My Grade: B
ECW Rules Match: Snitsky vs. Chris Benoit (6/6/05)
Following WrestleMania 21 Snitsky would go on a break for most of the spring, I believe because of an injury. He would return later in the summer, though, as part of Eric Bischoff's anti-ECW crusaders. His first task: take out Chris Benoit, someone that was set to be a part of ECW's first One Night Stand. While this match was merely your standard garbage brawl, it was still a fun garbage brawl. There really wasn't any chance of poor Snitsky pulling out the win, but he put up a valiant fight nonetheless.
My Grade: C+
So that is all for the first half of the Snitsky Report Card. Next week I'll have twelve more Snitsky matches for you to think of fondly. Hmmm, twelve matches, twelve days of Christmas…jolly good.
Andy! Andy! At Last You Have Some Feedback!
Only one e-mail this week as Jarkota would like to offer up a correction:
I had to correct you on this (especially since you've done such a nice job of summing up Eddie's matches in a way that I think he would have been proud to see), but vs. Batista at No Mercy 2005 wasn't Eddie's last match. Rather, his last match was vs. Ken Kennedy for a spot on Team SmackDown! at Survivor Series 2005 (I didn't see it when it aired, but thanks to WWE 24/7 in November, I got to see it). Eddie won the match, but died before Survivor Series and couldn't take the spot he earned. There were a number of nice spots by Eddie, Kennedy carried himself well in the match despite how green he was at the time, the ref sold his bump perfectly, and Eddie faking a chair shot after said ref bump and getting Kennedy DQed was classic Latino Heat at its best. In my humble opinion, this match was a solid A. Kennedy and Eddie worked well together, and it's a shame we never would get to see them work together gain. Anyway, as I said, I hate to correct you, but I figure if I don't, someone else will, and at least I know I'll be nice about it.
Thanks, Jarkota. You are correct in stating that I wrote that that was his last match. What I meant by that was that it was his last match on PPV. However, I did a bad job of conveying that, and you aren't a mind reader! I love that match with Kennedy and the way it plays out was just, as Michael Cole would say, vintage Eddie. I miss that gulity smirk, and that's a great match to see it in. Thanks for the e-mail!
500 Good Words w/ Andy Critchell
2006: The Year of Smackdown
Ever since the brand split, it seems that Smackdown has been treated like the red headed stepchild of the WWE. In a way, it's understandable, Raw has been the WWE's flagship show for 10 years while Smackdown was on the relatively new UPN network. In fact, up until UPN's merger with the WB network, there were still some major markets in which Smackdown wasn't shown. Time and again, the rising star on Smackdown made the jump to Raw once he started getting really hot (Cena and Carlito spring to mind) and as such it has been made to look like Raw was clearly the "A show." But then late last year something interesting started to happen; Smackdown seemed to find it niche and became better and better ever week. Now it seems that everyone is enjoying Smackdown, no matter how hard to please they are. Indeed, I've come to the conclusion that 2006 was the Year of Smackdown.
So what is it about Smackdown that makes it such a good show? For me, Smackdown just has this fun vibe to it. I watch the show with a smile on my face every week and at the end I feel like I was genuinely entertained. Despite the USA Network's slogan, all the real characters are on Smackdown. To name a few you have the over the top Kennedy, Finlay who is so tough that he can throw around a leprechaun, Regal who is great whether being silly or serious, HRH King Bookah, the daredevils London & Kendrick, the hilarious Jimmy Wang Yang, the ridiculous Boogeyman, and of course the undeniable all around talent that is JBL. I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of my favorite characters that aren't around anymore; Pirate Paul Birchill. Unfortunately, he was sidelined by and injury and I hear that they are looking to do something else with him which I think is a real shame. Pirate Paul made me and many others laugh a lot. Oh well.
Of course, Smackdown isn't all characters and skits; they also put on some really fun matches on that show. I believe that a major component to the high quality matches is the presence of veterans like Booker, Undertaker, Chris Benoit, William Regal, Finlay, and most recently Kane. A good ring vet should be able to get solid to great matches out of younger workers and for the most part they do, especially Finlay and Regal. Smackdown has many younger or relatively inexperienced guys like MVP, Kennedy, and Batista and working with quality guys with as much knowledge as a Regal or Finlay can only make them better. Young guns in the WWE like Johnny Nitro, Lashley, and Carlito all cut their teeth on Smackdown and it has paid off for them.
Another important factor in the rise of Smackdown has been the announcing of JBL. Now I've already done a column extolling his virtues so I don't seen to go into that again but there are two major things he does that I think help bring some extra credibility to the show:
1. JBL puts over almost everyone, whether they are a face or a heel. When you keep hearing over and over about how someone is really good, you start to believe it
2. JBL constantly puts over the entire Smackdown brand and never fails to remind us that it's the "A show" even if the WWE doesn't treat it that way. Again, if you hear something enough times, you start to believe it
Of course, I'm not saying that JBL is lying in what he says about the wrestlers or the show, far from it. Like any good salesman, JBL is just being adept at hammering home his point. I truly think that JBL believes that Smackdown is the superior show and he wants the viewers to believe it as well.
Well kids, that's it for me this week. I would love to hear your thoughts on Smackdown or anything else so be sure to drop me a line at ascrit@myway.com.
Until next time…
The Shimmy Likes It Raw!
Hot off the heels of last night's PPV, WWE presents as special 3-hour Raw! What's on tap for the show?
The Biggest Battle Royal in Raw History! Am I the only one that realized that Raw can't field 30 men with their active wrestlers, Jerry Lawler, Ron Simmons, Sgt. Slaughter, and Dusty Rhodes combined? I'm curious to see how if plays out.
Well that's all for this week, folks. Short, I know. Next week I'll finish up the Snitsky Report Card and give you my Andy Enjoyment Index for Armageddon. Have great week everybody, and as always, don't die. Clark…out.
