The Fink’s Payload 12.18.06: Celeb Angles
Posted by Sforcina-Marsico on 12.18.2006
Finkle, there’s both a good match booking AND a strong message in this one.
Matt: One Submission this week. Sure, on the surface, that sounds bad. But it does send a clear message, and that message is-
Nick: It's over 9 thousand?
Matt: Ahem, as I was saying, the message this column sends is a simple one. And it is-
WE DON'T CARE ABOUT CELEB ANGLES.
We don't. We'd much rather see good wrestling, and storylines involving wrestlers, not 2nd and 3rd rate celebs. Even Sly Stallone showing up isn't that interesting (although he should do a decent left hook on Edge or Orton to give Flair a win).
Anyway, the booking of Cena vs. Kevin Federline, as suggested by Cody Drennen.
On January 1 on RAW, though out the whole show, I would show recaps of how Cena/Federline came to bout. Main Event time when K-Fed comes out with Nitro and Melina in his corner. John Cena comes out to a great pop as everyone hates Mr. Ex Brittney Spears. The match starts with Kevin and John staring at each other until Melina get on the apron. Johnny Nitro then enters the ring and trys to hit Cena but Cena sees hits and clothesline Nitro down. Johnny Nitro bounces back up and John Cena picks him up and plants him with a huge FU. Kevin Federline quickly clotheslines Cena from behind but John Cena just looks at him. John Cena then chases him around the ring and finally catches him and plants him with a back body suplex. John Cena then does the You Can't See Me taunt before nailing the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Out of his corner of his eyes, he sees Umaga get on the ring apron. John Cena runs and elbows Umaga off the apron onto his ass. John Cena turns around and Kevin is back and goes for a clothesline but Cena ducks it. John Cena then picks him up and plants him with a hard FU. John Cena makes the cover and wins the match. After the match, Umaga attacks Cena and nails all of his moves including, The Butt Smash, The Samoan Drop, and the Spike Thumb. After that, we should not see anymore celebs for a long time.
Matt: This really is the only acceptable course of action. Cena should not sell anything short of a surface to air missile shot from Kevin.
Nick: Umaga and Cena aren't allowed to touch until their match at New Year's Revolution.
Matt: And that's it. So, straight on to our ideas.
Now, I did state that we don't care about celeb angles, and that is true. However, the WWE seems insistent on trying it. So, what we need to do is to create a way to logically and sanely bring in celebs where they don't cause too many problems and can do their thing and be gone. And one thing springs instantly to mind.
The WWE Hardcore Championship.
Bring it back with the 24/7 rule in place, make it non-brand specific, so anyone can go for it, let it bounce around, and then any celebs can come along and ‘fight' for the belt, and no-one will mind that much. I mean, Kevin Federline having Cena sell a punch is ludicrous. Kevin maybe being a one time WWE Hardcore Champion by pinning Stevie Richards then losing it within 30 seconds to Vito is not so far fetched or horrible, is it? And all you need is one mid to upper mid card guy to get the belt, a Carlito or a Sabu, and it's once again got credibility.
Of course, this should have happened back when WWE worked with MTV. You could have given the Jackass boys the title, a ref and 48 hours, film and sell. But anyway, bring it back.
Nick: 5 hours of Luke Perry a week. Just him looking at the camera as though it were a mirror.
Matt: But remember Fink, No Main Angles Using Celebs, ok?
Nick: Yeah.
Matt: Now, Homework for you people.
From one end of the spectrum to the other. Where does DX vs. Rated RKO go from here, and feel free to involve whoever you damm well like.
