The Wrestling News Experience: 12.18.06
Posted by Stephen Randle on 12.18.2006
Falalalala, lalalala...um...lalala...la..ah crap, I lost track.
Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I'm Stephen Randle, and I really tried to Christmas shop. Really, I did. But it turns out that the malls don't have anything actually worth buying any more. It's like the world's largest impulse purchase outlet.
Meanwhile, while being buried at work and school, I managed to accidentally blow off doing the Armageddon roundtable, as well as pass off my annual duties in the Year End Awards to someone else. Some weeks, it seems like I barely pull my own weight anymore. But then, I justify it by pointing out that I haven't been able to watch anything except TNA and ECW since Raw moved to the Score way back when, so I'm probably among the least qualified to even vote for Year End Awards. Anyway, the real important news is that the 411 Year End Awards are coming, and will be posted the first week of the New Year. Who will be Wrestler of the Year? What will be Match of the Year? The results may surprise you, and they'll be available for you all in January, so stay tuned.
More importantly, Armageddon happened last night, as it usually does around this time each year.
PPV In Review - WWE Armageddon 2006
Furious stepped up and did the live coverage. I imagine the cable companies in Larry's area are having the FBI open their mail by now.
Kane defeated MVP in an Inferno Match
Has there ever been a good Inferno Match? At least it was attention-grabbing. Really, you can afford to have bad wrestlers in a match like this because the danger of the flames is what sells the match. And hey, Kane finally won an Inferno Match, so good on him. Although I'd imagine MVP's full-body outfit made it pretty obvious that he'd be set on fire somehow.
Paul London and Brian Kendrick defeated William Regal and David Taylor, MNM, and the Hardy Boyz in a ladder match to retain the WWE tag team titles
That's some interesting additions, and from all accounts, one hellacious match. I'd worry about having way too many gimmick matches on the show, but I love 'em. Plus, after years of Hardyz-Dudleyz-E&C ladder matches, it's nice to see some new hungry teams flying around off ladders in huge spotfests.
Also, Mercury was busted wide open legitimately and didn't finish the match. Hopefully he's okay.
The Boogeyman defeated The Miz
Well, this was what it was. The Boogeyman's over despite no real talent in the ring, and the Miz is not over because he's an annoyance with no talent other than being annoying. At least the Boogeyman can break clocks and eat worms. When JBL, heel announcer, is talking over your promo about how much you suck, you've pretty much earned a ticket back to OVW any day now.
Chris Benoit defeated Chavo Guerrero to retain the WWE United States title
The interesting thing about this feud is that it's obvious that they're never going to actually put the #2 belt on Chavo, but they keep dragging this out for nearly three months now, even though Benoit has cleanly and convincingly won both PPV matches. At least it'll probably die out as they prepare for the Rumble, where you don't need too many undercard matches.
Gregory Helms defeated Jimmy Wang Yang to retain the WWE Cruiserweight title
Probably the match where I would have figured a title change, but Yang was essentially losing all the time anyway, plus they dumped his valet earlier this week. I just can't buy that the gimmickless former Hurricane is considered a better option than the redneck Asian. That's drawing two whole demographics, both of whom love wrestling!
The Undertaker defeated Mr Kennedy in a Last Ride Match
See, I 'm sure they think that having Taker fall off something high onto an air pad is good enough to put Kennedy over, but...ah hell, we all know they're thinking of Taker-Batista at Mania, they have no real interest in Kennedy getting over in this whole fiasco. The good news is that it's likely they'll just completely forget this feud next week and Kennedy will move on to someone else. Much like every other winter feud for Taker where he squished them for a couple PPVs because he's the Undertaker and he jobs to nobody, but it doesn't really mean anything because everyone already expected that anyway.
Ashley won a Lingerie Contest against Layla, Kristal, and Jillian
Well, it's not like anyone wanted to see a match out of those four. Although I've heard Jillian used to be able to wrestle back in OVW. Yes, yes, boobies. Get better Internet, you sad people.
John Cena and Batista defeated Finlay and King Booker
I think Furious said it all by calling it vanilla. It was essentially a long meaningless match with a finish you could see coming a mile away. If they intended to continue pushing the Batista-Booker feud, Booker would have won this match since it means nothing anyway. But they don't, so he didn't, and life goes on.
Well, the ladder match was a good spotfest, but the rest was pretty much just there. With the Rumble on the far horizon, I wouldn't waste money on this traditionally useless PPV.
Hey, at least it was better than last year.
Around The Horn
In my usual public service announcement in situations like this, a reminder that WWE Raw tonight will be three hours long, and will start an hour early, at 8 pm on USA, and at 9 pm in Canada on the Score. The featured match for tonight is "the biggest battle royal in Raw history", which I guess would require a minimum of 21 men, with the winner receiving a title shot against John Cena last that same night. I've got twenty bucks on Umaga, anyone want to go against me?
Didn't think so. Sorry if that's a spoiler, but it's not really because I'm just guessing.
This week's Impact had its highest rating on Spike TV ever, a massive...1.2. Hey, at least it's a new record.
Jackie Gayda and Charlie Haas welcomed their new daughter Kayla into the world this past week. Hey, maybe now Jackie will come back to TV and we can finally find out what she had on Jarrett, and also what Jarrett had on her on videotape. Anyone else still remember that? Especially anyone writing for TNA?
WWE.com posted a video of an explosion going off a mere 200 yards from where WWE was setting up for their yearly Tribute to the Troops in Iraq. So, how many replays of the incident do you think will run when it airs on TV, anyway?
There is good news from the incident. Apparently the Voodoo Kin Mafia, in their desperate quest for any attention at all, had stowed away on the WWE plane and were filming another ridiculous segment about 200 yards away from the WWE show. They will be missed.
That's right, I made a joke that involved killing people. I'm edgy and hardcore and other words that mean that I'm trying to get extra hitcount.
Sylvester Stallone will be appearing on Raw tomorrow night in a taped interview promoting Rocky Balboa. Rocky-Thunderlips II for the Rumble! Book it!
The trailer for TNA's upcoming video game was previewed at the Spike TV Video Game Awards, and is now available on YouTube, along with the video of Samuel L Jackson meeting his longtime online girlfriend. More importantly, the new video for World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade was also previewed. Dammit, did I forget to preorder again?
And before I leave this segment, WWE.com has blocked this reporter from accessing Heat this week, as apparently it became Premium Content when I wasn't looking. You'd think they'd be grateful for the traffic. All I wanted to do was watch evil Eugene, but noooo...well, screw them.
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 12.11.06
WWE
- Beth Phoenix, RAW, out indefinitely as of June 6 (jaw)
- Candice Michelle, RAW, day-to-day (broken nose)
- Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
- Mark Henry, SD!, out 6-8 months as of July 15th (patella)
- Michelle McCool, SD!, out indefinitely (enlarged kidney and electrolyte imbalance)
- Paul Burchill, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 29 (shoulder)
- Rey Mysterio, SD!, out indefinitely as of October 2006 (knee surgery)
TNA
No major injuries.
Transactions
- Amy, SD!, released from her contract.
Apparently she didn't have any idea who Stephanie McMahon was. Ah, to be that young and innocent...
- Danny Doring, ECW, released from his contract
Oh no, can't they realize that Danny Doring was a huge part of the old ECW? This is the death knell of the third brand!
Oh wait, he was essentially a jobber who was only interesting because he teamed up with an Amish guy. Never mind, then.
- Joey Mercury, SD!, day-to-day (broken nose)
That would be from the ladder match, and as of last report, is completely legitimate.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 12.19.05, and in the biggest match of his nearly year-long feud with the Undertaker, inside the fearsome Hell in the Cell, Randy Orton lost cleanly, never recovering from this death blow to his career. Actually, he was feuding with #1 Contender Rey Mysterio by the end of the next month, and wrestling in the World Heavyweight title match at WrestleMania. Notice a pattern with Taker's winter feuds yet? And in some interesting trivia, Kid Kash won the Cruiserweight title at Armageddon, earning the distinction of being the last Cruiserweight champion before Gregory Helms won the belt at the Royal Rumble and proceeded to hold it until...well, he's still got it.
And in less interesting trivia, Armageddon also saw the very first "Tim White commits suicide" sketch, which proceeded into several additional attempts, all broadcast for the world on WWE.com, none of which led anywhere in particular, and weren't all that funny either. Plus it riled up people who like to complain about things, what with it "trivializing suicide" and all that.
The Wrestling Fan's Experience
This week's Experience comes from Phil E. Natonski.
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I got into pro wrestling in the early 80's. We had just gotten home from church and I was flipping thru the channels, and came across channel 26 in Chicago (which I never watched because the programming sucked) and saw this weird ceremony where this Japanese guy was giving this trophy to this American guy and then just beat the hell out of him with the trophy. Well, I later learned that the Japanese guy was Mr. Saito, and Hulk Hogan was the wrestler he attached. That led me to watch the rest of the show, and I became hooked on AWA wrestling from that point on. A few monthes later my dad and older brother took me to an event at the UIC Pavilion where Hogan beat Saito by DQ when Dr. D. David "Redneck" Schultz interfered. I remember totally marking out when Schultz was going to hit Hogan with a chair, and my brother and dad laughing at me. After that it was sort of a bonding thing with my dad and brother. My dad grew up watching wrestling in Hammond , IN. And it was one of the few things I could do with my older brother (who was 5 years older than I was) that we were both interested in. We saw countless live shows, including a weasel suit match with Bobby Heenan, a battle royal where the Road Warriors were the final two and Paul Ellering flipped a coin to see who would win, and the first Super Clash at Comiskey Park . Super Clash was cool because I wasn't paying attention while I was walking around and then *BAM* I ran into something and fell to the ground… That something was Ric Flair, lol… This all culminated with my brother and I going to see Wrestlemania in Chicago last year. Once a mark, always a mark…
But my favorite story, has to come from a conversation with my dad in the past year. He always told me of the story from his childhood where he realized it was all a work. The face was getting killed by the heel, and this little ‘couldn't have been more than 98 pounds soaking wet' old lady gets up and clocks the heel with her chair. (Keep in mind, this was probably in the 50's). The heel is out cold, and the face looks around like "that wasn't supposed to happen… What do I do now?" Well, last year we had a conversation that went something like this after he told the story again:
Phil: I have one question for you about that story…
Dad: What is that?
Phil: Did you ever consider that since wrestling is all a work, that the old lady was supposed to do that???
Dad: ………*silence*………..
(I think he is still trying to figure this one out…)
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This feature that came out of nowhere, has become the most popular regular feature I've ever done. Even more popular than the Brock Watch. And when you're the most popular feature in the best damned Monday news report on the entire Internet, do you know what that makes you? That's right, you're a winner. And you can be a winner too. All you have to do is send me your best response to one or both of the following two statements:
1. Why I am a wrestling fan.
2. How I got into pro wrestling.
Send it in today, the next Experience could be yours.
Links For Fun And Nonprofit
The Undertaker to my Kane (you can't kill us, we always come back for more) is moving on again, nearly a year to the day after he moved on the last time. He'll be back. But until then, go enjoy his Music Zone. He's almost as important there as I am here.
Small had the Sunday news report that I use to get all the news for my news bites. That's right, and what's he going to do about it?
NCHS08JOHNBRYANT tries to convince me that he's won the bet, since he believes AJ has turned heel. Ah, but you forget, young grasshopper, this is Russo booking. Nobody's a face or a heel, everyone is shades of gray. Hence, next week we get Kurt Angle and Rhino vs Joe and AJ, which wouldn't make sense if AJ were a heel, since Joe's the face against the heel Angle. I think. Actually, it doesn't make sense anyway, but at least they can pretend that Rhino and Kurt have history together, and thus would prefer to team.
And One To Go On
411 will have live coverage of a special three hour Raw tonight starting at 8 pm EST . Larry's in tomorrow, I'll be back next week. Though it'll probably be a very short one. Give me a break, it'll be Christmas.
