Evolution Schematic 12.20.06: Steven William Regal (Part 3)

Posted by Mathew Sforcina on 12.20.2006

So in the week you guys vote, I turn in a short column. *slow sarcastic clap*

Writer's Notes

Remember how I was cranky and all that last week? Well, triple it and you'll get where I am this week. But more WWE Scrubs gets me through the column. That, and apparently we're being voted for now, (Vote Me!) so I have to try and desperately make up lost time, although I'm guessing this one may compete for ‘shortest ES ever'. This is due to work, Xmas, cleaning, a new Hard Drive Recorder, general ickyness and that fact that I'm not the half-man/half-machine/all-asskicker that is Larry C. And for that, I apologize.

Part 1 & Part 2 cover Steven William Regal's career from start to his leaving WCW for the first time. So, Part 3 will continue on from there, naturally.

Phase 14- Orange Juice was never so manly.

When Steven Regal next turned up inside a pro wrestling ring, gone was the snooty British Bastard. In his place was a rough, manly, tough, manly, straight talking, manly, gruff, manly, sturdy, manly, manly and above all, manly man. He was Steven Regal. A Real Man's Man.

So, how do I explain that?

Well, for starters Steve, William, has always been a real man's man. He grew up in Blackpool, he learnt how to survive, how to fight. The fact that he raises a pinky and knows the proper fork to use (Tip: Generally with forks and knives, you start on the outside and work in. However, if the person next to you politely tells you that you have their cutlery, you've gone too far out. Evolution Schematic, both fun and entertaining! Vote Now!) does not automatically mean he's not a manly man. It's a handicap, yes, but he still shines through.

But how do I explain the flannel, workman's hat and orange juice?

Simple. Marketing. The WWF/WWE was/is a very different company to WCW, TNA, ROH etc. And not just for the fact that they won the war and are on top right now. They are different because they like to get their vast marketing juggernaut behind people. They don't sell the WWE name; they sell individuals and groups under the bigger WWE banner. They are the Hulkamania company, the Austin 3:16 company, the Chain Gang company. So, when Steven Regal arrived, he realised that the WWF would have problems getting behind a British Snob. Bit hard to market that, kids don't want to wear 3 piece suits to wrestling shows. But a gruff man's man in Flannel and a distinctive yellow hat, now THAT'S marketable. And no-one ever accused Steven of being stupid.

Just a tad misguided.

So, after a few weeks of Steven being shown doing manly things, he turned up on Raw, and went after X-Pac because, well, if you're going to go around calling yourself a man's man, being around X-Pac certainly will make you look like a man's man.

Regal and X-Pac's problems culminated at Survivor Series 98, where the two got slots in the tournament to crown a new WWF Champion, the two slots being right next to each other. The two men brawled, and after a few moments of decent enough action, Regal crotched X-Pac, he tumbled to the outside, Regal followed, and they were both counted out, thus giving Austin a bye into the semi-finals (and the first major successful Austin Screwing) and Regal no closure.

And then came the descent.

Phase 15- So that's why he drank so much orange juice, they were screwdrivers.

Regal was, for obvious reasons, not happy. His career was stalling, he wasn't popular or hated, and things just were not going his way. And thus, what had started out as casual drinking and needed pain relief quickly became a serious drug addiction. At first he tried to hide it, but eventually the WWF found out, and on January 4th, 1999, Regal was admitted to rehab.

A few months later, the WWF wasn't happy with his progress, and he was fired.

Phase 15b- A kick in the pants.

Soon enough, Steve realised that he had to get his shit together. And his shit he did indeed get back together, and soon he was rehired. By WCW.

Phase 16- Straight back to where he left off, doing…not much.

Regal's first match back was the WCW Hardcore Junkyard Invitational at Bash at the Beach 99, which was won by Fit Finlay. Regal, sensing that he needed support, quickly hooked back up with Dave Taylor who was floating around and not doing much, and then the two of them got to Finlay.

The trio then formed a loose team, with no real name but with a fairly common idea behind the group (2 Englishmen and an Irishman…insert joke here pretty much), as well as all of them being ass kickers and mad as heck.

Unfortunately Regal, Taylor and Finlay never got onto PPV as a group, despite having problems with the Filthy Animals. Eventually though, WCW, in an attempt to trim losses, cut Regal loose.

Phase 17- One company's trash is another company's gold mine.

The WWF then rehired Steven, although they put him on a development deal. After a few months, Steven fought Chris Benoit at the 3rd Brian Pillman Memorial Show. The match was so good, so even and entertaining, that pretty soon after it, Regal was given a slot on the main roster. And this time round, he wasn't going to play any stupid character.

Phase 18- Goodwill Ambassador… Where exactly is Goodwill?

Instead, he was Steven William Regal, and he was going to teach the WWF fans about manners, which they obviously lacked. So in other words, he was just himself, as he declared himself WWF's Goodwill Ambassador. Although the name, Steven William Regal was a bit of an oddity. But then again, it wasn't in a way. After all, last time he dressed up to please the WWF front office. This time, he started using his middle name more. The reason for this was that there were already a few Steves about, Austin, Richards, Blackman. So, he briefly went by his full name for a short while to let older fans adjust, and then he began to call himself William all the time.

And this time round, since he wasn't trying to pretend to be something he wasn't, he was able to focus all of his attention on wrestling, as opposed to acting against type. And this, practically overnight (well, over 28 nights), it paid off.

Phase 19- William Regal, WWF European Champion. That so works.

William pinned Al Snow to win the European Championship on the October 16th edition of Raw. Regal held the title proudly, as only a European could. He defended it against anyone who tried to take it from him, fending off several wrestlers who all symbolized the worst of American culture.

There was the US' obsession with sleaze and sex in Naked Mideon, whom he defeated at No Mercy 2000 to retain his title.

There was the US' bullying attitude towards its fellow nations and general grumpiness as personified by Mr. Grumpy, also known as Hardcore Holly. True, Regal only kept his belt at Survivor Series against Holly due to DQ when Holly proved how volatile he is by getting frustrated with Regal's technical match, ala Goldberg, but this time Holly just blasted Regal with the title belt. But a win is a win is a win.

Then there was the over-reliance on cuteness and general not facing reality in Crash Holly. Crash was tiny, yet acted like he was a big shot. And Regal would prove that was just an act, and at Rebellion, a UK only PPV, he lost the European title to Crash.

Wait, he LOST the title to Crash? Dammit!

Phase 19b- Why you bleeding-

The following Raw, Regal beat Crash to a bloody pulp, and regained his title.

Phase 19c- Never Mind.

Regal then got a rematch with Hardcore, and this time he beat the bully, thanks to Raven choosing that moment to interfere, beating down Holly for a loss the previous week.

Everything was going Regal's way, he was defending his title successfully up and down the country, he was standing toe to toe with such stars as Steve Austin and The Rock, taking them to the limit, Regal was on a roll of a lifetime. And then, in the New Year, he was eliminated very quickly from the Royal Rumble by Test, and then the following night, Test destroyed him to win the European Title.

Phase 20- Actually yes, Mind. Mind very much so.

Regal was naturally upset, and a little shocked at how easily he was beaten. So he began to suck up to the boss, in order to make sure he still had a job, and to reassert himself as a player. Vince was quite happy to have Regal as an associate, and his first major act as a Vince Lackey was to interfere in the Stephanie/Trish match (caused by the two women not getting along at all) at No Way Out to make sure Vince's wishes were carried out.

Problem was, William had zero clue what those wishes were. So, he came out to watch, took out the ref, and then helped Trish get the advantage. He then changed his mind, and put Steph's foot on the rope, and then as Trish slapped him in anger, he nailed the Regal Cutter on her, giving Steph the win.

It seemed like that was NOT what Vince wanted, as he booked Vince & Trish vs. Regal & Steph for the following night's Raw, but it was a set up since it actually WAS what Vince wanted, he just wanted to put Trish in her place. So Regal was once again back on the path to success.

And that path had a big leaping pad on it, for in the lead up to Wrestlemania X-7 as they dubbed the 17th WM, the vacant WWF Commissioner position (vacant after Mick Foley's resignation and Debra's return to management) needed to be filled. Although several people tried to drum up support, two men clearly stood out. William Regal and Al Snow. So, naturally they had a match, and on the March 8th episode of Smackdown, William Regal pinned Al Snow to ‘win' the WWE Commissioner position.

And thus began a glou…wond…grea…interesting period for the WWF.