Truth B Told 1.04.07 What’s Best For Business
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 01.04.2007
Logically speaking, K-Fed is now the #1 contender. But how would he fare against David Arquette?? Okay, maybe Arquette's wife.
Do you remember how I said that John Cena was the "next Hulk Hogan"? Well I was wrong, because clearly Hulk wouldn't have done the job to K-Fed. The funny thing is, Hulk Hogan would have been right. As it stands right now, K-Fed holds a legitimate pin fall over the WWE champion. It's true, it was a no-DQ match and K-Fed pinned him in the middle of the ring. The WWE got quite a bit of publicity too. They got main stream exposure from some sports shows, entertainment and gossip shows, even MTV. Good for them, because now that one of the biggest jokes of this decade has beaten the WWE champion, I'm sure that is going to translate into buy rate spikes right? Oh, you mean no one gives a shit outside of the actual wrestling fan base? Well K-Fed meant more ratings and thus more revenue for the WWE right? Wait, does the WWE even keep said revenue? Damn, well what did the "e" get out of making their champ look stupider than a blonde Chris Master's? nothing. I gained a new respect for John Cena last night as he did what he must have been told was what was "Best for Business". But I also gained a new disrespect for Vince and the writing staff. They build up Cena as a sort of "Superman" just to have him job to Kevin "I fucked up knocking up one of the richest formerly hot white trash non-panty wearing bitches in the last decade" Federline. So while Cena may have just been a good ‘company man' and did what he was told was ‘best for business', the question is: Did Vince do the same?
Hitting a "Personal Assistant", Manager, and an unaware K-Fed with a round of FU's wasn't enough to erase the blemish on Cena's career that a loss to K-Fed is going to hold over him. Sure, it may not seem like a big deal now, but really, who the hell wants to live with the knowledge that Kevin Federline holds a singles victory over you? Sure, some people argue that losing to K-Fed really doesn't count against Cena because he was knocked out at the time by a huge Samoan dude and a spinner belt. But then again, that's the same reason your girlfriend conveniently forgot about that other guy she hooked up with during Freshman year at college. Only this time the greasy looking Cuban guy in the corner was didn't have a box of cigars, he had a digital camera. For shame…for shame.
I think what makes this so farcical is the fact that TNA had been criticized lately for considering a match involving David Eckstein, AJ Pierzynski, Dale Torborg, and Lance Hoyt. This doesn't look so bad considering that at least Torborg (formerly the WCW Kiss Demon) and Hoyt could wrestling almost the majority of the match and the worst case scenario is AJ pins Hoyt. Sure TNA didn't get the kind of main stream exposure that WWE got, but then again, is that the kind of exposure they want? Cena is the MAN in the WWE, by comparison the last "celebrity" to score a pinfall over a TNA wrestler I believe was Hermie Sadler pinning Frankie Kazarian. Yeah, not really the same comparison. Imagine if Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, or Sting got pinned by Tom Green. What if Abyss got pinned in a "Monster's Ball" match by Ashton Kutcher?
I'm not sure how many people even remember the last time a "celebrity" was pitted against a real wrestler and how that worked out. In fact it wasn't so long ago that TWO Jackasses went up against a supposed "monster" in the WWE. Steve-O ended up no selling Umaga to the point where the big man legitimately started laying stiff kicks and slams to him in order to hammer the point home that making a laughing stock out of someone who could legit kill you isn't the best idea. At least K-Fed made sure to play dead after taking the World's Deadliest Fireman's Carry. I actually thought Umaga was going to eat Steve-O. Or at the least, "make him humble". "Hi, I'm Steve-O, and THIS is ‘Anally raped by a Samoan Savage'…". Maybe the "e" should just stick to pointing out celebs at ring side.
As much as the "K-Job" was a questionable move on RAW's part, what about some of the other brands around the industry? Let's look at what ECW has become after Heyman. Basically it is a show built around Blackzilla, CM Punk, and RVD. The only problem is that Blackzilla not only can't talk, but has absolutely no interesting feuds on the horizon. Test? Are they going to fight in a ‘syringe on a pole match'? Does Bob Holly want revenge after not being around before Lashley lost his "rookie status" and didn't get to stiff him due to his staph infection? Maybe Kevin Thorne becomes a main eventer after he recruits Lashley into the fold and renames him "Count Chocula". If ECW did what was "right for business", they'd give RVD the title and let him fight it out amongst his fellow ECW originals and then enter into a ‘Kayfabe-ish" feud with CM Punk before he drops the title. But lo and behold, Vince loves him some big sweaty muscle men and now we have Negro Butcher ready to hardcore his way through some of the most mediocre talent wrestling has to offer.
I had a couple buddies go to "Final Battle" a week ago and they seemed to have really loved the show and now seem to be huge RoH marks. While Homicide finally winning the belt as more or less a "lifetime achievement award", one has to question whether that really was more about giving ‘cide his just due, or whether it truly was what was "best for business". Granted Danielson needed some time to heel up, so any time off they could give him was great for the company and the wrestler. However, what about Samoa Joe getting a second title reign? What about Christopher Daniels or even AJ Styles deserving a title reign as they both helped build and sustain the company regardless of the ever changing roster. Roderick Strong, Nigel McGuinness, even Colt Cabana or Delirious could have used the title to take them to another level the way it did for Austin Aries. Hell, are you telling me that James Gibson was more worthy of that title than any of those guys?
Well, at least a very strong case could have been made for Daniels, Styles, Joe, and to a lesser degree Roddy. I think what was best for RoH in the long term was getting the belt off American Dragon, what was ‘fair' in the short term was rewarding Homicide for a career well done in RoH. Really between Daniels, Styles, Joe, and Homicide there wasn't a "bad" choice. So giving the belt to ‘cide was a way of branding him as an "RoH guy" who spends time in TNA, where as those other guys are basically the inverse now. I think ‘cide will have a series of great matches in the coming months, but don't expect anything NEAR the length of reign that Danielson or Joe had. Still, when he finally drops the belt (my guess is to Hero or Strong) at least most smarks and RoHbots alike can point to this as being something that never hurt the business.
When you look at Smackdown and TNA you end up with similar situations. I don't think Batista is the best choice to hold the belt right now as he has lost a step in the ring and a lot of momentum from his previous title run. Abyss likewise is not the right guy to hold the belt, however in Abyss's case we know he's more or less a transitional champ who deserved his title run. With Batista, he was one of only 2 guys who can really even lay claim to being "title worthy" other than Booker T. When it comes down to it, Smackdown is a 2 man title scene and at some point that will be obviously stale. We can only hope someone steps up to grab the opportunity. When you have such a shallow roster to pull from, "what is best for business" and what is "best that's available" are sometimes not too different.
In TNA's case they have a fairly deep roster of main event type guys, however it seems obvious that they are willing to let Joe and Angle battle it out without the unnecessary addition of the title belt. I truly believe that is a great move because neither guy needs the belt to make this feud ‘hot'. While you end up with, what I believe will be Christian Cage winning the belt and sending Sting home for a while. Right now Sting isn't what TNA needs, although having him come in to work an occasional match would be nice, perhaps a ‘Taker like schedule. Right now TNA needs someone a bit more marketable as champion and I think Christian is the right man for that job. Just think about the possibilities, John Cena has a commercial with the effeminate doughy guy from Subway, and Christian Cage could also have a commercial with an effeminate doughy guy, the Pillsbury Dough Boy. "Damn, these came out hot, flaky, butter, and delicious…cuz' THAT's how I roll", "…hehe". "Shut your mouth fat boy!!". No? What about ,Christian Cage in…"The Mountie". "Business is aboot to pick up….eh?". Okay, okay, the point is that while having Abyss as champion isn't exactly setting the world on fire, keeping Angle and Joe away from the title is what's best for TNA as it gives a 3rd wrestler a chance to shine. Abyss is getting that chance now, and hopefully a ‘heel' Christian will get his second chance at redemption. *Side Note: How much would a Christian/Tomko "Buddy movie" kick ass?? "Tomko, I'm going in, cover me" ,"No."*
When I look at Smackdown, they're really just doing whatever they can to survive. "What's Best for Business" isn't even part of the equation. TNA on the other hand is bringing in anyone they can in order to convince Spike TV to give them some more time and exposure, and say what you will, but at least they're trying and if the rumors of a 2nd hour are true, then they're also succeeding. Hell, when you think about it, another hour to actually fit some wrestling in amongst the Russo-fication of Impact may not be so bad after all. What is clear is this: B.T. = 1 hour time slot, A.T. = 2 Hours. "After Tomko" truly is "Best for Business".
The Truth
I'm not really sure how much the ratings spiked for K-Fed's appearances or if it even did result in a spike, all I know is that the WWE is clearly trying to get any publicity they can possibly get. This isn't like the days of Cindi Lauper, Mr. T, and Morton Downey Jr., wrestling is a totally different animal now. Its funny to see John Cena in music videos and movies, then see him next to Jared in a Subway commercial and being pinned by K-Fed. I guess the days of "wrestling" and "wrestlers" in the WWF are gone, and the WWE has brought us "Sports Entertainment" and "Superstars". Does it work? Well clearly the WWE is doing something right if they are making money, but you know, somewhere along the way it actually did something that I'm sure Vince didn't anticipate. Instead of being the "only game in town" the "sportz entertainmentification" of the wrestling world brought out new "alternatives". Fans craving more competition based wrestling found RoH and the Indy scene. Lucha Libre is suddenly popular again, how many of us knew about New Japan, Dragon Gate, or even HUSTLE prior to a year ago? And TNA, well, they've been a beneficiary, but perhaps not the biggest as they have struggled to maintain their legitimacy.
While RoH is enjoying the new found interest, they had been finding a way to make money for the past couple years, same with the Japanese promotions and the new found American audience. Poor TNA is just hoping to start breaking even soon. Now while they've fallen into some bad decisions as well, X-Pac, Randy Savage, Vinny Russo, VKM, and other lesser celebs, it seems that perhaps it isn't all bad, because soon enough it looks as though that second hour for Impact is nigh. That really makes all the difference, because with that second hour, they start becoming a threat to knock Smackdown or ECW off the "must watch" wrestling fan to-do list. So do the ends justify the russo-riffic means? I guess, maybe they do. That's not to say that TNA hasn't and will probably continue to do some retarded things with their booking, but so far they've managed to turn their "wrestling alternative" promise into a slowly developing threat to the "Evil Empire", wait, do I need a copyright to use that? The WWE will always remain the "King of the Mountain" so to speak, but even their 'backlash' has the ability to make money... for other people. So without knowing it, perhaps the WWE does know what's "Best For Business". Besides, you know it's only a matter of time before Vinny Ru has Samoa Joe tagging with Ashley to take on Kurt Angle and Mary Kate. Oh yeah, Full House…of PAIN!!
Coming Up Short
Jeff Hardy and Johnny Nitro are going to be going at it in a steel cage on Sunday in what could be one of the first early MOTY Candidates of 2007. However Nitro's appearance on the show was relegated to being thrown out of the ring trying to help K-Fed beat Cena and then getting stomped in the main event. Hardy on the other hand had a real 1 on 1 match up. Against Rob Conway that lasted all of 30 seconds before a roll up victory. Yeah, way to build the under card RAW. Victoria and Mickie James had a stare down, Carlito and Masters "brawled" to the back, Ric Flair got rolled up by Kenny, is it just me or did anyone else even realize NYR was even this Sunday? Sure I know Cena vs Umaga is going to tear the roof down, and DX vs Rated RKO has been dragging on for sometime, but when did the "e" get so bad to promoting their undercard? What killed me was that the Hardy/Conway sequence was all an excuse to get Vince back on TV to fire someone while basically burying their career at the same time. Way to go Vince, at least you don't have that pesky Conway to worry about anymore and you can focus on the REAL workers on RAW, like Shad Gaspard and Hacksaw Jim Duggans.
Geeez, what is even worse is that the Tag Team division finally got back to respectable and now they don't even have a match announced for Sunday. MNM is shelved due to injury, the Hardyz are back in limbo, the newly formed WGTT are a joke, when will it end? I realize that the WWE is basically working around DX and Cena carrying each and every RAW PPV, but at some point, you have to actually make some new stars, instead of just leaving them floating in mid-card purgatory. I think I'm giving NYR a big "no buy" and using that money to buy SDvsR on the 360. At least that way when I book my OWN PPV it won't end up coming up short.
6 Degrees of…
Ian Bryant sends in his choice for 6DO that I haven't the foggiest as to who it is:
Yeah, I'm back for a second week, not going to be a one week wonder. Though it will probably be a bit of a Wikipedia job on this 'Tookie' character. I wasn't sure who to pick as my choice for next week, but since I'm listening to The Lawrence Arms at the moment, I'll go with their singer Brendan Kelly.
So I guess he's the guy in the middle of this picture… that's…all I can really say about the guy. I don't even know who The Lawrence Arms is. Well, as formal as "Lawrence" is, I know a "Larry" who doesn't share the same formality. Yes, a legend in his own mind and all across this great nation, if this great nation happened to be Texarkana, the "Sweetest man with the Sour disposition" …
"Sweet n' Sour" Larry Sweeney. Oh, he's taking over, as the East Coast is fully aware now, from as far Southeast as Florida and FIP to as far north as New York City and RoH, Sweet n' Sour International is taking no prisoners. Or reservations. They just don't…don't ask me why, it's just policy okay? Well there you go…the emo-ish lookin' lead singer from "Lawrence Arms" to the "Sweet n' Sour" one, you got 6 degrees, so get to it Sweeney-holics.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Well what ever it is, you ain't talkin' bout it to me.
6 Degrees Results
Wow, so I guess 6DO is losing steam. Well I suppose the Holiday season may have had something to do with the lack luster ratings in this section so we won't take any drastic measures until maybe February. Maybe what this section needs is more Tomko?
#1.
Ian Bryant won by default. Which…is still a win I guess.
Homicide to Stanley 'Tookie' Williams
1. Homicide's manager in LAX is Konnan.
2. At TNA's Victory Road PPV in 2004 Konnan won the tag-team titles with BG James. It was at this PPV that Randy Savage debuted with the company.
3. Randy Savage was in Spiderman as Bonesaw McGraw. Also in this film was Kirsten Dunst.
4. Kirsten Dunst dated Jake Gyllenhaal for several years.
5. Jake Gyllenhaal starred alongside Jamie Foxx in 2005's Jarhead.
6. Jamie Foxx played Stanley 'Tookie' Williams' character in the 2004 TV movie about his life, Redemption.
Ian
Well, it wasn't pretty but it was at least an entry. I guess Ian is the first ever back to back winner of 6DO as the polls officially closed Weds mornings. Well Ian, take your unopposed victory and come back with someone perhaps a bit more famous than your last choice. Like the drummer for El DeBarge for instance.
Left Overs…
You know what the difference is between a women's match on RAW not involving Victoria and Mickie James and bad lesbian porn is? Insertion. That's really it.
Retro Lita Joke of the week: Stop me if you've heard this one, a Jew, a Mexican, and a Black guy walk into Lita's vagina…
I'm starting to get where they are taking this Thorne/Mahoney feud on ECW. First Thorne pins Balls, then Thorne convinces Balls to join him and his vampire ways by giving up his blood to him, so in the end Kevin Thorne sucks Balls. Yep, how could that be any more clear?
So I guess Claudio isn't going to the WWE after all huh? Man, I feel sort of responsible now for all my "too bad Claudio isn't going to get the chance to really live up to his potential in the WWE" talk. Wow, that sucks for the guy. I hear he had Visa problems though that lead to his firing. Visa, it's everywhere you want to be. Unless you want to be in Deep South.
Does anyone even know what the winner of the PCS gets in the X-Division? My guess is a night on the town with Bob Backlund. If I'm right, I'm hoping Senshi wins. Man, what a hoot those two would be painting Orlando red. Just imagine the two at a strip club getting lap dances when they both snap and Backlund has one stripper in the crossface chicken wing, while Senshi keeps kicking his stripper in the head. Which is also known as operating under "Ric Flair rules" at the titty bar.
I keep thinking about what the pairing of Eric Young and Bobby Roode would be like. With a big loud mouth curly haired guy bossing around a little skittish looking comedy side kick… Hmmmm…. Something tells me Eric Young is gettin' blowed up soon.
I hear K-Fed is done with the WWE for now, but may at some later date return. Too bad unless that later date is next week, he will be irrelevant by then. Looks like the only way Cena is "getting his win back" is by fuckin' Britney Spears and "accidentally" letting the video tape slip out into the public. Either that or, you know…still managing to have a career past February. Either/or. Yeah, you pervs are hoping for the "or".
Proving there is life after being Test's valet, Stacy Keibler is set to be all over TV in the next month, with multiple appearances on a show I've never heard of called "What About Brian". I assume it has to do with Jerry Lawler's son. Also she will make two appearances on the "George Lopez Show", which I assume includes some humdinger of some zingers about Mexicans. So perhaps dropping Test was a huge weight off her career after all. I know that I feel better after "dropping a Test", especially after a big meal.
So let me get this right, Dan Rodimer, the guy who got booted out of the last tough enough competition like half way through the final is now Stephanie McMammary's pet project and her idea is to make him a body guard? Hmm…like…Diesel or…I dunno…TEST?? Yeah, except Rodimer is like 6'6" and maybe an inch or two taller than Orton, Edge, or even HHH. So how does that work? Oh well, who are we to doubt Steph's amazing powers of scouting talent. The woman had the knack of being able to make big things out of a little chest….I mean…no, I mean chest.
So I didn't get to see Impact last week, but I heard that the chick Angle had in an anklelock was Joe's real main squeeze. No clue what she looks like, but some report her as being pretty hot. Well, sorry, but that's a BONEHEAD move Joe. Now you're just ASKING for Senshi to hook up with your chick on the road and kayfabe his way to the Heavyweight Title. Way to go Joe.
So just wondering, but why didn't Csonka do the fair thing in the "411 Writer's Award" and have someone make all the writers in CAW mode for SDvsRAW and let the simulator take over? I think JT had dibs on Rob Conway's old mesh tights.
It's nice to hear that Mickie James got her Associates Degree in Business Administration off the internet recently. See? The WWE doesn't hold back people from accomplishing great things outside of the industry. Just look at Mickie. First she got her DD's from the WWE and now an AA. Congrats!!
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Oh man, nothing stopping you from escaping from that hot Japanese chick in a bikini except for that 8 foot tall chain link fence. Um…anyone got a taller one??
Word has it that the TNA game will be the first wrestling game for the Wii system. I wonder how many enterprising young men are going to play the Traci Brooks vs Christy Hemme matches with the ‘nunchuk' attached to their junk? Well, I know at least one…
Pimpin' In High Places
I screwed up royally the past two weeks. Due to this being the busiest time of the year for my company and being half staffed for 2 weeks I wasn't able to get on the ball and participate in a lot of the year end awards like I had planned. Well, there is no penance for a slackerly lifestyle such as mine, but here are a few links.:
Part Uno andPart Dos of the year end awards. Hmm, well looks like my votes wouldn't have helped anyways, no clue how Xtreme High Card didn't get MOTY.
Hey look, it's the TNA Awards as presented by Csonka and Cook. Who won in the "Worst Waste of a Pair of Perfectly Good Tits to Try and Get Over as a Main Eventer"? Your guess is as good as Cook's.
My Take feature's Csonka's Part Deux in his Best/Worst of PPV series. My favorite was "Slant Eye for the Hung Guy" in the Motel 6 last road trip.
Meehan has his "BotR" edition. I'm not sure what "Rest" means exactly, but chances are it has something to do with those "Smackdown Juniors".
Evo Scheme features a man simply known as "Showtime" Eric Young. What? It was much more complicated a few years ago…trust me on it.
Jules talks about the best gimmicks ever. But it's all a lie, because Mantaur is no where to be scene. Jules, you goldbricker.
Fink drops his Payload all over the Royal Rumble. Of course the run away response from YOU the reader was clear. Miz main eventing WM23. Hooo-RAH!!
The Shimmy swears the WWE had 52 "Top" matches in 2006. I guess that's a relative term considering he had a Great Khali match listed. In that case TBT will be presenting the "Top 52 Candice Michelle Matches" sometime next month.
HH has it's look at the best of what the last of 2006 had for us. Can you say…Clip shows?
CoH, CoH, CoH, CoH. No, I didn't stutter, the resident 411 RoHbot splurged and did a four part series to end the year. I guess someone got a brand new computer and a case of Red Bull for *silent C* Hanukah this year. Or…he's just a very lonely…lonely guy.
3 x Threat has their Year End Awards. Those other 2 guys who didn't vote for Davey Richards as a breakout star are daft. Wait…did they vote K-Fed?? Maybe not that daft.
Berman spotlights Delirious vs "The Cocky Cover Boy" Matt Sydal. That last reference is going to make tons of sense come January 30th.
D.Willy Cox has "The Hardest of Hard Justice". Dude… what the f*ck?? I thought I was the only one using blatantly obvious gay porn titles in my column titles? Well screw that, he still can't use next week's piece, "BriskHo's Brothers Presents: Man UP".
I know, I know, you are all disappointed that TBT didn't have a Year End Awards like everyone else and their mother did this past week. And to be fair, the Year End Column that Randle's mom put out was fair and well balanced. Well if you want a quick run down, or something to fuel a possible hate filled e-mail to me later, here you go:
Wrestler: Samoa Joe Tag Team: Kings Of Wrestling MOTY: Dragon Gate 6 man at RoH Female: Trish Stratus Comeback: Fit Finlay ROY: Bobby Lashley Breakout Star: Matt Sydal/Davey Richards (Tie) Feud: LAX vs Phenomenal Angels Commentator: JBL Moment: Whenever you heard Kurt Angle jumped to TNA Best Use of Shiny Gloss: Melina's Breasts Worst Wrestler: God (he did no show after all) Fed Of The Year: RoH 411 Writer of the Year: *Drum roll* Matt Nute
There you have it folks, no muss, no fuss. Plus, it leaves me open to writing the column I really want to write for next week:
