Friendly Competition 2.17.07

Greetings one and all from the Friendly Competition home office in New York! I’ve got a few hours between ROH shows, I went to their return to NYC last night, and in just a few short hours I’m off with Brophy and Williams to Joe’s final match in the Northeast in Philadelphia. So since I don’t have much time, let’s get right to it!

ECW On Sci Fi Results 2/13/2007

-In an Extreme Rules match (the first this year, I believe), ECW World Champion “Greenhorn” Bobby Lashley has probably his best match ever as he defeats Hardcore Holly by giving him a powerslam on a steel chair.

-Snitsky is coming to ECW…TO SUCK YOUR TOES!!!

-Hardcore Hobags do their shitty little dance again as I step out to take a leak. When I get back, I notice that the Hobags are gone and are replaced by Kevin Thorn and Marcus Cor Von, who I have no interest in watching dance, but don’t mind watching wrestle. As I see Sandman and Tommy Dreamer come to the ring, I am riveted with anticipation as I have no idea who is going to win this match. After a classic three-minute match, I have my answer as Kevin Thorn and Marcus Cor Von stand tall. I think we have our first contender for Match Of The Year right here.

-Bobby Lashley and Teddy Long chat over a Colt 45 and Long invites Greenhorn to Smackdown Friday night. You know, the show he ran away from like a little pussy because he didn’t want to be in the huge shadow cast by Batista’s awesome workrate? Yeah, that show.

-Mike Knox got the night off from Deep South and decided to make a special trip up to ECW to do the job to CM Punk. He can do a dropkick now, though. After Knox rolls out of the ring, SnitsKane runs in and lays out Punk.

-Bobby Lashley talks about his amateur past and shows us a nice snowy staircase that he climbs so he can look at the scenery. It’s where he came up with his plan to jump up on the apron every time he comes to the ring. Watch out people, Bobby Lashley is a mind among men.

-Elijah Burke and Matt Striker beat Sabu and Rob Van Dam in the main event.

TNA Impact Results 2/15/2007

-Steiner screwed Angle out of the NWA Title because Angle’s entrance into TNA meant that Steiner’s contract negotiations got put on hold. He notes that he beat John Cena and Batista and seems to think he beat Triple H (or as you TNA fans know him, Paul Levesque), and then tells Angle to tell his wife to stop calling him. Angle comes out and says he didn’t come here for the money, but to help build TNA so it can beat his former employer, then challenges Steiner to a fight. They brawl and Angle fucks him up. Christian comes out, but Angle fucks him up as well. Tomko comes out, but Angle fucks him up, too. Finally Steiner suckerpunches him, but Joe makes the save. Angle and Joe have a moment of mutual respect.

-LAX says they beat Team 3D at their own game and gets pissed at SpikeTV for censoring their attack on the unidentified old guy from a few weeks back.

-Christian wants Tomko and Steiner to win the Gauntlet match and then throw the finals so nobody gets a title shot, but Steiner tells Christian to go fuck himself and wanders off after flipping Christian and Tomko the bird. I love this guy.

-LAX squashes Shark Boy and Norman Smiley, then Team 3D brings out some fat Italian guy who talks about goombas. So…Italian guys like Super Mario Bros? They’re going to have a lumberjack match with straps next week.

-Robert Roode & Miss Brooks verbally abuse Eric Young because he’s stupid.

-Gail Kim and Miss Tennessee have an arm wrestling match, Gail wins, Storm runs in, Petey runs in, Harris runs in, Storm runs out.

-Chris Sabin is doing his old man gimmick again, and Bob Backlund comes out and says that he’s going to handpick someone who can destroy him, then yells at him.

-Eye Spy Productions runs Eye Spy Idol, and Jay Lethal does the best Macho Man impression I have ever seen in my life.

-This week, Ron Killings is playing Rocky. I don’t know about you guys, but I think these are hilarious.

-Christopher Daniels thinks we do great things when we’re at our lowest.

-Samoa Joe wins a Gauntlet For The Gold match when Tomko and Steiner have a little trouble getting along. Miscommunication leads to Steiner being tossed, then Joe hits Tomko with the Muscle Buster for the win.

Wrestling Society X Results 2/13/2007

-Tonight’s musical guest is Sparta. Anyone remember that old cartoon on Nickelodeon in the 80s called Spartakus? That show rules. If anyone out there knows where I can find videos of the episodes, let me know.

-The WSX Title means everything to Vampiro, and he tells us about it.

-Sparta looks like they just walked into their first strip club.

-Teddy Hart and some loser he dragged along beat the Trailer Park Boys. This match had the most ridiculous finishing sequence I’ve ever seen where Teddy rips a cable out of the wall, electrocutes Nate Webb, pours water on him, electrocutes him again, and then does a twisting plancha off of some boxes and puts Webb through a table while the Nameless Loser hits some lame move that Teddy could probably do a million times better for the win.

TEDDY GETTING HIMSELF OVER METER 2/13: 7

-Los Pochos Guapos cut a promo backstage to set up a…Tables, Ladders, and Cervezas match for later tonight with Luke Hawx and Alkatraz.

-Jack Evans defeated El Hombre Blanco Enmascarado as I marvel at how crappy Sparta is on commentary.

-Promo for Matt Classic on wsx.mtv.com.

-In a Tables, Ladders, and Cervezas match, Luke Hawx and Alkatraz beat Aaron Aguilera and Kaos after Kaos takes a face first bump onto some WSX brand beer, then Alkatraz powerbombs him through a table and pins him after Kaos magically teleports across the ring.

Overall Top Ten Ranking

As voted by me. This ranking includes wrestlers from all three groups and is entirely subjective.

ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley (Champion Since 12/3/2006)
NWA World Champion: Christian Cage (Champion Since 1/14/2007)
WSX Champion: Vampiro (Champion Since 2/6/2007)

1)Samoa Joe
2)Tomko
3)Elijah Burke
4)Scott Steiner
5)CM Punk
6)Kevin Thorn
7)Kurt Angle
8)Marcus Cor Von
9)Jack Evans
10)Teddy Hart

Dickhead Of The Week: Mike Knox

The guy seemed on the verge of a big push after dumping his slutty girlfriend two months ago, then disappears from ECW completely. He finally returns this week and gets squashed by CM Punk and is now presumably back off to obscurity. Or DSW, take your pick. Thanks for coming, Mike!

Vital Social Issues N’ Stuff With Stuart

Does it occur to anyone besides me that throwing a guy as fragile as Kurt Angle in the ring with a guy like Scott Steiner might not be the best idea?

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I like that WSX is bringing indy style wrestling to the national stage. Granted, I could do without the electrocutions and explosives, but other than that I think it’s great because I’ve always wondered how indy style wrestling would do in the mainstream. I always thought that if people saw indy action on a national TV stage, it would get WAY more over than anything in WWE. The ratings are making it seem that I’m wrong on that one, but time will tell.

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This week’s episode of ECW On Sci-Fi was the best they’ve had in a long time, and it’s really amazing how the fact that the brand as a whole now finally has a clear direction storyline-wise, and the workrate suddenly picks up a notch. When you really look at it, there’s only two feuds going on right now (ECW Originals vs New Breed and Lashley vs Holly/Snitsky) and they’re enough to sustain the brand. The ratings have been slightly up the last couple of weeks, too, so it’s appealing to somebody out there. The only complaint I have about the storyline direction right now is that the ECW World Champion seems to be taking a backseat to everyone else on the show while it should be the other way around. But the fact that it’s the only thing I have to bitch about is a good thing.

The Rob Van Dam Contract Watch

With the knowledge that the ECW Revival wouldn’t be faithful to the original, Rob Van Dam has been open about the fact that he’ll be exploring his options when his contract comes up in late 2007/early 2008. Each week, I will give expert analysis on Van Dam’s activity in WWE/ECW in what may be his final year with the company.

Well, he appears to be the leader of the ECW Originals and main evented this week, putting in a hell of an effort while he was at it, but he was on the losing end yet again this week. He didn’t get pinned, however. Let’s hope for his sake that he doesn’t wind up back in the ring with Holly or Lashley anytime soon, or else he might get pinned again.

Also, it has come out late yesterday that Van Dam’s contract is up at the end of the summer and he has turned down an auto-renewal, meaning he will have to negotiate a new deal with WWE or become a free agent.

Starting this week, I’m going to give Van Dam a score based on his performance or lack thereof and have a cumulative, Overall Contract Renewal Score to see how likely he is to stick around when it comes contract time. Obviously, the higher the score, the better.

This week’s adjustment: -3
Overall Contract Renewal Score: -3

Links To Stuff You Can Read

Michael Bauer has the ECW On Sci-Fi Report, Larry has the TNA Impact Report, and John Gregory has the WSX Report.

Also, Ryan Byers check in with the WSXtra Report, the regular Impact Crater, and the The Fink’s Payload.

Julian Williams brings us his favorite No Way Out matches in The Top Ten.

My ROH homeboy Samuel Berman is in with this weeks edition of The Independent Mid-Card.

Daniel Wilcox comes at us with the latest edition of Schmozzes And Screwjobs, in which he discusses the OTHER Montreal Screwjob.

JD Dunn jacks you up with the debut edition of The Kayfabe Chronicles.

Larry brings us the 3R’s of Against All Odds.

Samuel Berman, myself, Ari, Jake, Brad, and several others chime in on the ROH Roundtable Preview for this weekend’s Fifth Year Festival shows.

What Did We Learn This Week?

In all things, there is at least one lesson to be learned. Here I will impart upon you what I took away from the weekly television of ECW, TNA, and WSX. You too can learn important life lessons from Kevin Thorn and Maverick Matt, and are encouraged to send in your own revalations.

This week on ECW On Sci-Fi, I learned that…

-Marcus Cor Von and Kevin Thorn doing the Hardcore Hobags dance is a really amusing, albeit disturbing thought.

-I need to find a nice snowy staircase I can climb so I can come up with better column ideas.

-Bobby Lashley was mysteriously about 100 pounds less bulky a few years ago when he was in college. Not that I’m suggesting anything. Because I’m not.

This week on TNA Impact, I learned that…

-Kurt Angle and Scott Steiner can both fuck up like five guys at once, but only Steiner has the power of the suckerpunch.

-Jay Lethal almost does a better Macho Man than Randy Savage himself.

-Konnan is not a Nintendo fan.

This week on Wrestling Society X, I learned that…

-Teleportation is one of the few tricks of the trade that they didn’t expose on Tough Enough.

-The fact that people get ELECTROCUTED on WSX every week really makes ECW look like a bunch of pussies.

-As long as Teddy Hart gets his spots in, all other wrestlers on the show are meaningless.

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Well, that wraps it up for today. I’ll be in tomorrow with The Ominous Thoughts News Report, featuring thoughts on ROH’s doubleshot in NYC and Philadelphia, my take on Against All Odds, and The Last Word On No Way Out 2007. See you then!