The MeeThinks Saturday News Spectacular: 2.17.07
Posted by John Meehan on 02.17.2007
TNA's "Best Of" versus USA's "Best In Show." Man, what a week...
Hi everybody, and welcome back to your week-end wrap on all things wrestling-related. A big "thanks" to everyone who chimed in with positive feedback and kind words on last week's column, and my apologies for not having printed them here in their entirety. Had a whole column written until my computer conked out and gave Mee one of those infamous "blue screens of death," and so your e-mails and my feedback to everything appear to have been lost in the mysterious void of intranetz obscurity.
Sorry about that.
Quick memo to anyone offended by last week's digs at RVD's drug habits, though: please, people, take a joke. Calling an admitted (and convicted) drug user "Bobby Bongwater" is hardly something to get worked up over. And when you couple that with the fact that Van Dam totally torpedoed all of his hard-earned mobility in WWE thanks to his inability to separate "private time" from "company time"? Well -- that just begs comment, hence what I said.
As far as Van Dam being justified since his de-push in "phoning it in" and totally half-assing his way through what's left of his WWE contract? Completely disagree. If the Disney film "Cool Runnings" ever taught us anything -- it's that even when you KNOW you're going to get your ass handed to you, ya' stand up, brush yerself off, and carry your head high as you finish out what you started. Van Dam phoning it in for the rest of his ECW tenure might be understandable, alright (given his frustration with WWE in particular), but the fact that his half-assedness "to prove a point to management" is short-changing the fans who PAY to see him on a nightly basis? Sorry, Tommy Chong, but I just thought you were better than that.
Enough about last week, though -- let's hit the ground running with a new batch of wrasslin' news, deal?
Rock & roll.
On tap this week:
Armadeggon Ladder (re)Match Pulled
Jillian Hall Takes a Shot At Brooke Hogan?
Vito Sheds His Dress
MeeThinks Namedrops an American Idol?
"The Marine" Scores Big on DVD
WrestleMania 23 Ticket Sales Top $5 Million
December To Dismember Buyrate Tanks
WWE Wellness Claims an Extremist
Chyna Battles Substance Abuse
TNA To Hit The Road with House Shows
"Elevation X" Takes Scaffold Match to New Heights
Wrestling Society X in Trouble With MTv?
Even though RAW was Westminster Kennel this past Monday, WWE still gets top billing in this column because -- love 'em or hate 'em -- there's just no denying that they're still the "top dog" (har!) in the North American wrasslin' business today.
From a kayfabe standpoint, this one makes perfect sense. Deuce and Domino are unbeaten AND they've scored a victory over the tag champs, so it's completely logical for them to be in line as the number one contenders for the belts currently held by Kendrick and London.
From a *business* standpoint, however, this one is a bit trickier. Word 'round the webz is that Stephanie McMahon (and Vince, and...) pulled the plug on the ladder rematch simply because they've decided NOT to re-team The Hardy Boyz or MNM together any longer on a permanent basis. All well and good, I suppose, though it definitely sucks that the company went through the effort of advertising a hotly-anticipated rematch only to kill it just weeks before the PPV.
That said, however -- we all know that WWE's creative team is fickle, and with WrestleMania 23 looming just over a month away (and with NIETHER Hardy, Blueblood, nor MNM'er currently staring at a potential match for the show), conventional wisdom says that WWE might well retract their "never teaming again" statement for a pretty sweet WrestleMania payday involving some combination of the men who stole the show at Armageddon.
Good news here is that WWE has probably taken due note of how interested fans were to see a four-team Ladder Match showdown, and so one way or another, they're likely to borrow from that formula when putting together this year's WrestleMania card. Now of course, if they decide to go through with Money In The Bank 3.o, then the ladder match concept will have to be reserved for a singles' showdown -- but the fact that the 'E pulled the plug on giving fans a Ladder Match at No Way Out pretty much assures us that we'll be getting one at the big dance. So Tag, fourway or $itB, Ladder Matches rarely fail to impress... and it's good to see that WWE is putting wheels in motion for one at this year's WrestleMania.
Word on the street is that somebody on WWE's creative team thought it'd be a piss to have Smackdown's Jillian Hall don a delusional wannabe singer gimmick in a dig at Hulkster's daughter Brooke. Of course, since American Idol is in full swing and deluded wannabe blond girls are coming out of the woodwork -- perhaps something was lost in translation as Brooke Hogan is hardly the worst voice I've heard on television in the past few weeks.
Speaking of American Idol, though, I've got to send a big old MeeThinks shout-out to Antonella Barba for having made the show's top 24. Prior to hitting it big on Idol, our girl Antonella was just your average Italian-American sweetheart from Joisey, but she also just so happened to be a junior majoring in architecture at Catholic University here in snowy Washington, D.C. (both my alma mater and my current employer, not to mention home to my current degree program). Great girl, and a heck of a singer for somebody who's never taken a professional singing lesson in her life! In case you've missed all the buzz -- here's Antonella:
So yeah, congrats for having made it this far, Antonella, and keep making CUA proud.
As for Jillian? (since this IS supposed to be a wrasslin' column, and all) Meh... chalk this one up under "should blow over in no time."
A small newsbit, but a fun one just the same -- looks like Smackdown! midcarder Vito is officially done wearing a dress to the ring, and his profile has been removed from the Smackdown! stars page while WWE repackages him into something less, well, dress-centric. Early reports are hinting that the latest repackage for out pal Vito will likely see him donning a martial arts getup and a barefoot karate-type ensemble. No word on Vito's *actual* martial arts background -- but well, at least it's not a dress.
In all seriousness, though, a delusional "guy who thinks he's a martial artist" shtick could be fun for a few months while it lasts (I can't help but think of Booker T's parody of The Scorpion King -- "I got a SWORD!!! SUCKAAAAAHHHH!!!"). If they try to go a more serious route with this, however, can't say I'm expecting good things for poor old Vito... and once the next round of roster cuts rolls through, don't be surprised in the least if Smackdown! has one less former-Nazi/mafioso/cross dresser/karate master/ to show for it.
This is priceless. To all the critics, haters, and self-professed wrestling experts" out there who doubted "Da Champ's" drawing power in Hollywood (coughScottKeithcough), let Mee be the first to suggest -- in the immortal words of John Cena himself -- that they choke on "deez nutz."
Box office aside, "The Marine" has and will continue to turn a profit for WWE in the weeks to come. At my local Blockbuster, for example, they've got an entire wall housing copies of the DVD (upwards of 50 in all, MeeThinks), and for two weeks solid now, I've been unable to rent the thing as EVERY COPY IN THE STORE has been checked out! Is it a cinematic masterwork? Hardly, but it's a no-brainer "yeah, I'll check that out" action flick for anybody browsing the new releases, and so it's pretty easy to see why it's doing big bidness on DVD. MeeThinks? Plenty of wrasslin fans like yours truly opted to skip the film in the theatres (the $18 million dollar box office seems to indicate as much), but we're more than willing to give the thing a chance for a mindless popcorn flick movie night on DVD.
Not surprisingly, our pal Linda McMahon noted in the last conference call that WWE is looking to release 2-4 movies direct to DVD each year in addition to their in-theatre ventures. And (just like the brand extension) -- so long as the films continue to turn a profit (DVD, box office or otherwise), you can rest assured that WWE will continue to churn 'em out.
No point in complaining, really, because so long as WWE makes money off of their movies department, even if their offerings are increasingly crappy -- more WWE revenue (and occasionally more mainstream media exposure) equals more available funds for WWE's next big show, angle, ppv, or what have you. And to borrow and old one from DDP, "that's a good thing."
Seriously, love the "evil empire" or hate 'em, you've simply GOT to give credit to WWE for *still* being able to deliver crazy sellout crowds even at a time when many folks view pro wrestling as being more than a few years past its "Attitude Era" prime.
This is nothing but good news for WWE, as even though a sum total of ZERO matches were announced when tickets went on sale a few weeks ago, the power of the "WrestleMania" name ALONE was more than enough for the company to collect upwards of $5 MILLION bucks worth of ticket sales in virtually no time at all. So rag on "rasslin" not being what it used to be all you want, but the bottom line is that Vinny Mac & Co. have successfully cemented the thing as a landmark of pop culture, and that is a huge accomplishment regardless of what your "average joe" thinks of this grown-up testosterone soap opera. Nice work, WWE!
Yeesh. Not good news for ECW, especially when there was an easy-sell Elimination Chamber gimmick match to headline the thing. But there's a bit more at issue here, so we should probably examine the failure of this PPV (and, by extension, the failure of the "new" ECW to date).
Here's the thing:
Believe it or not, MeeThinks we shouldn't be so hard on WWE for this one. After Angle went AWOL and RVD (and Sabu) went up in smoke, the only real main eventer the brand had left was The Big Show. And since the (then-) ECW "originals" undercard of Tommy Dreamer, Balls Mahony, Sandman and the rest have never exactly been known for their workrate, it's awfully tough to pull off an "authentically" ECW PPV with a roster dominated by old-timers (most of whom have ALWAYS relied on gimmick matches and garbage wrestling to help hide their in-ring limitations), WWE imports (like MNM and The Hardyz), and up-and-comers (Mike Knox, Kevin Thorne, etc.) -- all of whom come with more than their fair share of a "not quite sure I'd buy watching this guy in a 15-minute gimmick-free PPV match" credibility problem.
Which sort of ties back into the Test issue mentioned above:
After Big Show called it a career (and who can blame him) and Lashley was left to carry the ball, with the ECW roster being as thin and depleted as it was, there was really no choice but to stick with Test as their number one heel in spite of his dalliances with pharmeceuticals. So yes, while it sucked HARD that we got Lashley vs. Test (with CLEAN finishes, no less!) a good THREE weeks in a row (including a major WWE pay-per-view, no less), bottom line here is that Test's boneheadedness stuck the ECW booking committee between a rock and a hard place, and they really had little other option but to make the guy Lashley's bitch while they scrambled to come up with a new storyline to help distract from the fact that virtually ALL of their main eventers are going down to Wellness left and right. From the top, we had: Anabolic Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dumb and Sidekick Sabu, and now too-much-Test-osterone. That's not one, not two, not three, but FOUR major "main event" ECW performers each of whom were nailed (and subsequently punished) for violating WWE's drug policy in one form or another.
So why does the "new" ECW suck so much? Yes, bad writing has quite a lot to do with it -- but then again, much like the old territory days when promoters would see their marquis feuds and title programs go "up in smoke" the moment a wrestler jumped ship (and took his belt and/or drawing power with him) to a rival promotion, WWE's new ECW brand is clearly feeling the effects of a talent pool largely populated by unreliable main-eventers, and that's an unenviable task, to be sure.
Why did Greg Gagne main event in the last days of AWA? He was the only one left, for one. Why did Jerry "The Wall" Tuitte headline a latter-day WCW pay-per-view match or two? Everybody else had jumped ship or opted to collect their paychecks by sitting at home. And why is the new ECW in the toilet?
Bad writing, for one, but a flaky talent base is probably JUST as much to blame for the company's current state of affairs. Simply put, you CAN'T have worthwhile programs or must-see main events without credible draws or main-eventers to fill them. And since building credibility isn't exactly something that happens overnight (we all remember the backlash when The Rock won the IC strap the first time through, eh?), ECW's fighting an uphill battle for momentum when just about EVERY major performer they've pushed in one fashion or another winds up blowing his shot at the top thanks to a boneheaded run-in with WWE Wellness or Johnny Law. And no matter how you spin it, that's simply not the fault of writers like Brian Gerwitz, Stephanie McMahon, or Dusty Rhodes. Rules are rules, and "no drugs on the job, please" seems to be a pretty easy rule to follow in the relative scheme of things.
Good news in all of this? It means WWE's Wellness policy is still in full effect, and even if shows are sucking and wrestlers left and right are going down to its policies, at LEAST there's something to be said for the company taking serious steps towards preserving the long-term health of their employees. With wrestler deaths piling up thanks to years of drug abuse and its effects (from Mr. Perfect to Brian Pillman to Miss Elizabeth to Hawk all the way through Eddie Guerrero), MeeThinks I'd MUCH rather see a few months of crappy programming from a wrestling promotion rather than a premature obituary for a slew of its performers some ten years from now.
Since we're talking about drug abuse, this one seems particularly fitting:
This, my friends, is what we call our non-news news item of the week. Chyna wasn't particularly close to Anna Nicole, and is simply releasing this video in a pretty blatant attempt to help explain/distract from her actions on last week's Larry King program. W've all suspected for quite some time that Joanie has had all sorts of problems with various substances (coughcoughTestosteronecough), and so while it's good to see her finally come out and admit as much, it's hardly earth-shattering at this point. Heck, it's barely even relevant to "wrestling news" seeing as how Joanie has been out of the biz for the better part of five years now.
Regardless -- good to see Chyna owning up to her addictions while something still can be done to curb the trend. Not so sure about her sincerity in the above video (calling the death "a wake up call" only to show up on national news programs days later while CLEARLY *not* having heeded said "wake up call" is pretty sketchball), but all that said, MeeThinks I speak for most wrestling fans when I say "get well and good luck, Joanie."
TNA News
Quiet week for TNA, as they were busy turning out two nights of programming as opposed to their regularly-scheduled one. A few small notes of interest this week, however...
A great move for TNA here, as it really helps spread the word as to what their company is all about. Though the home base in Orlando is money, taking the show on the road is always a smart idea to really help introduce new fans in new markets to your product. TNA saw a HUGE boost in national revenue and exposure when they moved from Nashville to Orlando, and there is absolutely no reason to believe that they couldn't see much the same in the weeks and months to come once they start sizing up non-Orlando locales for non-televised events.
Plus, getting the company's name out there in other markets helps them establish a foothold and a precedent for future PPV venues down the line -- and the minute TNA can start *SELLING* tickets to their shows as opposed to *GIVING THEM AWAY* (as is the case in Orlando), they will be the recipient of a much-needed revenue bump to really help power the company along. Here's hoping that TNA can find its way into some of the smaller, "niche" markets all over the country!
A mixed blessing, really. On the one hand, Elevation X looks hella' cool. Plus it fits in with the overall look TNA has already put together for their Ultimate X matches, and it's got a *much* better name than wrestling's last new gimmick match, "The Elimination Chamber."
On the down-side, however...
"Elevation X" is, for all intents and purposes, a scaffold match. And that's not anywhere near a good thing for wrestling fans, promoters or performers. Yes, the "ultimate plunge" aspect of the showdown will be a bona-fide markout moment, but all in all (and we won't even get into the dangers of the thing!) you can't help but feel that the whole thing is just a bit too contrived -- yes, even for a pro wrestling match. After all, WHY if you ever felt that you were "behind" in a match (and you knew the only way to lose was to be thrown to the floor) would you EVER risk climbing up a structure only to meet your more-powerful opponent on top of the thing? Sure, good guys would do it "to prove they had guts" and all... but heels? Not a chance.
At least ladder matches are simple -- all it takes is a few quick seconds to scale the thing and grab the prize. Ditto for Ultimate X matches, item-on-a-pole matches, and just about any other match type you can dream up. Shoot, even "escape only" cage matches still allow for a sneaky heel to run like the dickens and score a cheap win if he can manage to incapacitate his opponent for a good ten seconds or so.
But not so much with scaffold matches. It's not like a cage where you're climbing to escape and you just HAPPEN to get thrown off, or a ladder match where you're scrambling for a belt and you just HAPPEN to get knocked over. In each of those cases, you're not just climbing for the sake of climbing, you're climbing to beat your opponent to the prize at the top. But scaffold matches demand that each opponent scale the structure FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of fighting while on top of the thing. And if I'm Johnny-Heel-du-jour? No chance I'm ever climbing up that thing if my opponent is already waiting up there with better field position.
Perhaps (with luck, and with time) TNA will refine the age-old problem of a scaffold match and synthesize it with aspects of the traditional Ladder/Ultimate X match to help remedy this "all-too-contrived" dilemma. It's pretty simple, really:
Hang a title belt (or briefcase, or title shot, etc.) ABOVE the "Elevation X."
Now instead of having the match set up so that "the only way to win" is to make your opponent fall off the X, you've set it up so that the only way to reach the suspended prize (and win the match) is for competitors to scale up the scaffolding. This gives BOTH competitors (face and heel) equal motivation to push themselves up the scaffold and onto the Elevation X platform. Kinda like your standard Ultimate X Match encourages BOTH men to scale the wires in hot pursuit of one another, really, except now instead of hanging the prize *under* some criss-crossing wires, you're hanging it *above* the criss-crossing steel.
And if need be (SPARINGLY), you can safely work it out so that the finish of a *few* of these Elevation X matches (though not all) see one performer take the big plunge while the other grabs the suspended prize. Just like that -- you've solved the age-old problem of "but why climb the scaffolding in the first place?" Because in this case, your opponent can get the win by grabbing the belt if you wind up knocked out, winded, or lollygagging in the ring for too long.
And, if all else fails and you simply MUST include a "fall and you lose" stipulation --
Then just like many cage matches have "pinfall OR escape" stipulations -- simply combine the two elements so that performers can either win the match a) by grabbing a suspended prize, or b) by shoving their opponent off of the above-ring platform. This way, you've got beat-up guys desperately chasing up the structure when it looks like their opponent might grab the prize, AND you've got those guys-on-top-with-the-advantage-performers waiting up on top with the option to either go for the easier win (grabbing the prize, much like leaving a cage via the cage door) OR choosing instead to wait around and finish off their opponent in a more clean and decisive manner via shoving them down from the platform (kinda like many a cage match has been settled by an over-the-top escape or a clean in-ring pinfall when an easy escape via the cage door was just as readily available).
Now I'm no booker or anything -- but if TNA just took a few extra minutes to think this one through, they could EASILY still offer innovation and "excitement with their new concept match WITHOUT setting it up for the sole purpose of promising "one big plunge" to whomever's going to wind up the loser. And if it were Mee? I'd much rather "revolutionize" the sport by offering a SAFER, more BELIEVABLE spin on the traditional scaffold match rather than simply cashing in on some ill-devised (and woefully dangerous) rehash of something that died out (for good reason) more than a decade ago.
This one caught Mee by surprise, to be honest. MTv is the same network that reveled in years' worth of Tom Green, Jackass, Boiling Point, Buzzkill, Beavis and Butthead, and all sorts of other "edgy, anti-establishment" programming. Now they see one episode with a pretty run-of-the-mill wrestling stunt (fireballs have been staples in pro wrestling since way back before Jerry Lawler and Andy Kaufman!), and all of the sudden panties get in a twist and the plug is pulled?
Sounds fishy.
Truth be told, the "fireball" excuse is probably nothing more than a kneejerk MTv reaction to falling ratings across the boards. As they struggle to keep the attention of that age group who used to comprise their target demographic (older teens and younger twenty-somethings), the network can't help but notice that their programming, ratings and general interest level across the board has pretty well skewed to a much younger (and more female) target audience than they'd initially planned for.
(See: My Super Sweet Sixteen, Room Raiders, Elimidate, Total Request Live, I'm From Rolling Stone, etc.)
Basically, MTv is at a crossroads -- do they keep pushing the higher-rated (but younger demographic) shows like Super Sweet Sixteen, OR do they go back to their roots and push edgier but lower-rated shows to the older (though originally-targeted) demographic? (Note: Having never actually seen an entire episode of the thing, I'm not entirely sure Super Sweet Sixteen actually airs on MTv proper. Regardless, it's pretty much in line with a whole lot of other stuff they churn out... hence its inclusion)
So yeah, the question remains: push the ratings-drawing kiddie stuff (Room Raiders etc.) or push the ratings-laggard "adult" programming (Wrestling Society X). Not an easy call for MTv, to be sure ("compromise what shred is left of our vision OR return to our roots at the sake of a huge payday"), but one that has a lot less to do with any one particular stunt on WSX and a lot MORE to do with their larger problem in sizing up their demographic. Simply put, if MTv's main audience winds up being kids and younger teens -- then there's no room for Wrestling Society X on the network. But if MTv can retain the older crowd? Then WSX can stay -- fireballs, exploding coffins and all.
And With That, I'm Outta' Here
Thanks again for reading, all. Here's hoping that (like Mee) y'all at least got a day off from work on account of this crazy weather we've been having. Nothing like a day home from the office to catch up on a wrestling DVD collection, eh? In the mean time, enjoy the PPV this weekend, keep an eye on our CUAmerican Idol Antonella, and always stay positive!
