The Sunday Morning Hangover 2.18.07: Dead Men Don't Speak
Posted by MSD on 02.18.2007
Come get some, be another victim... and I dog fight all night when I hear " sic 'em". Because I'm dead (I know you tryin to kill me).
I'm comin in but I need some therapy
I gotta stay medicated just to keep some clarity...
My cranium cracked open and started smokin,
Fire comes outta my mouth when words are spoken
* Esham - "I'm Dead"
Halloween 1991 I was dressed like a barrel of toxic waste. One of the houses up the block had a scarecrow on their front porch that resembled the Undertaker. Little did we naive trick-and-treaters know, there was a real person in that get up. And he was ready to scare the living hell out of us. That's just a small piece of the phenomenon known as the Undertaker. A phenomenon that has unwaveringly endured the last 16 years; an eternity in pop culture lifespans. From giving children nightmares to becoming the literal face of many a biker gang tattoo, Mark Callous has transformed a seemingly one dimensional gimmick character into a living, breathing icon of a whole generation.
That's the amazing consistency and lasting ability that differentiates legends from flash in the pans. Jay-Z's from Ja Rule's. Undertaker's from Duke "the Dumpster" Droese's. Every aspect of entertainment invites with it a fan whiplash. First you're the hottest the ticket on the planet and everybody's gotta see you. Then you become overexposed and straight hated on. It's all on in how you rebound from this setback that defines your legacy. Cats hated on Jay-Z. Cats hated on Nas. But they persevered and ignored the haters until everybody forget what they were hating on. Biggie Smalls was at this level while he was touring to promote Life After Death (then he died and forever crushed fears of a sophomore slump). Just like cats grew tired of Undertaker at one point or another, dominating the TV and every storyline. The whole Ministry of Darkness business, and then the even worse Corporate Ministry shit. That was really overstaying your welcome (not even mentioning the cats that thought "Year of the Taker" should have ended in '97). But it's all about staying up in your face even after you want them to get out of it. That's how you begrudgingly earn respect from your jaded consumers (Triple H, Shawn Michaels). 50 Cent is at that level now. If he can only hold on a little while longer (which he most assuredly will) he will finally become a true industry legend.
Undertaker already is an industry legend. He's transcended typical all-star main event status into the rare realm of cataclysmic grand spectacle. More now than ever before. This isn't a black fisted biker with a Limp Bizkit theme song making sporadic "big returns" at random PPVs. This is classic ice-cold monster mixed with new school MMA tactics of legal murder. Deadlier than Jacob Goodnight, more awesome than ‘80s Hogan. More menacing than Dirty Harry and scarier than Leatherface. That's the aura Undertaker is projecting as he enters his biggest WRESTLEMANIA event ever. The Year of the Taker has been renewed, and this is one fans salutation to his legacy.
I like the Undertaker's bulletproof reputation. More than almost any other character in wrestling, he's closest to a superhero (or super villain). Better than that, his workrate really is superhuman. I'm proud to say I've followed Undertaker storylines ever since his sinister, creepy origin. This season I'm especially enjoying his method of silently stalking and destroying. The promo they ran after ROYAL RUMBLE on RAW when Undertaker faced each of three champions in the ring to determine his challenger. Not a word was spoken but volumes were read. This season I'm also exceptionally hyped about Takers vaunted 14-0 WRESTLEMANIA record.
WWE Magazine always throws little spoilers to their readers, whether it's "backstage gossip" or uncanny "predictions" that always seem to come true. They foreshadowed the arrival of their new ROYAL RUMBLE box set by saying it was WWE fans #1 wish list item. Even going back to the days of King Kong Bundy's return to the league (1995-ish), they had print magazines keeping its readers subtly in the loop. Well this year they may have done it again. But I seriously hope not. The new "2007 Spring Preview" issue with Jeff Hardy on the cover boasts an immaculate collection of pre-WRESTLEMANIA hype. In the list of "29 Things We're Just Dying To See in 2007", they write "Someone worthy of stepping up to break the Undertaker's WRESTLEMANIA winning streak" at #5. This is right after wishing for "Cena vs. Undertaker, Last Man Standing Match" at #14.
Personally, I'm hoping NOBODY snaps Undertaker's WRESTLEMANIA streak. Ever. In a world with seemingly little respect and no tradition, Undertaker's winning streak is the rare exception. By now it's golden in the minds of wrestling fans. He is the most powerful, enigmatic character in the history of the sport and the streak is part of that legend. Snap that and you don't give rub, you get burnt. I can't see anyone on the roster (except maybe Cena) who could stand a chance against Undertaker, let alone snap his WRESTLEMANIA winning streak. Especially not fragile Batista, who is perceived to be Undertaker's near-equal in the ring but doesn't share the same backstage respect and admiralty from the boys. He may have won the WWE title back from Booka just to be transition champ for Undertaker - cuz hell, Batista v. Undertaker is a much bigger bombshell than Taker vs. King Booker for the title.
So I'm looking forward to this (and I'm glad it's being promoted as the last match of the evening, a rare for SMACKDOWN matches at WRESTLEMANIA). It's exciting, believable and potentially thrilling. But when it comes down to it, Batista better be victim #15. Decisively. No count-outs, DQs or screwjobs. Just a good, hard heavyweight fight that ends with Undertaker's hand raised in glory. The money is in the rematch when Batista finally figures a way to bring down the Deadman (after all, Taker did trade his WRESTLEMANIA record for a horrible SUMMERSLAM streak). But regardless of when that happens, Taker's 15th victory (for the title no less) will go down in the annals of WRESTLEMANIA history as one of the defining moments of his career. Just like Hulk Hogan holds a special piece of WRESTLEMANIA history for his own (and is counted on to show up in some capacity almost every year), the Undertaker can own a chunk too. So every year when the biggest show on earth hits the scene, the Phenom's spirit should never be too far away. So give us Undertaker one more time in all his guts and glory. Let him go out with a bang and ride off into the sunset. Just please don't keep him around forever like Ric Flair. Because sometimes, when it comes to fickle pop culture tastes, less is definitely more.
This is the MadStepDad signing off and reminding you – "don't sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death".
