Friendly Competition 2.24.07
Posted by Sam Caplan on 02.24.2007
Headbutts abound, a mathematical solution to Batista vs Lashley, and why Scott Steiner is the best thing to happen to TNA in some time. Who needs WSX on a week like this?
Thanks to MTV forever living in fear of the Beavis & Butthead fire incident from the 90s, we didn't get an episode of Wrestling Society X this week. An edited version of the controversial episode will go on next week, but for this week it looks like we're going to have a bit of an abbreviated column. So with that in mind, let's get down to business.
ECW On Sci Fi Results 2/20/2007
-Elijah Burke comes out and puts himself and the rest of the New Breed over, then Matt Striker says that any one of them could beat any one of the ECW Originals. Tonight, Kevin Thorn is the chosen member of the New Breed while the ECW Originals send Rob Van Dam. A mid-match brawl between the two sides breaks out at ringside, but it gets cleared out and Van Dam beats Kevin Thorn clean in the middle of the ring with the Five Star Notebook Splash.
-Snitsky is coming to ECW and he's got ACNE!
-CM Punk continues to be buried by beating Johnny Nitro clean with fucking GO TO SLEEP. By virtue of this win, he qualifies for the Money In The Bank match at Wrestlemania 23. Poor guy is never going to get over if he keeps getting jobbed out like this.
-Ken Kennedy bitches about not getting a singles ECW Title shot tonight since he beat Lashley at No Way Out, but Hardcore Holly comes out and says that ECW is Hardcore Holly's world and he'll be damned if Kennedy gets the ECW World Title tonight.
-La Resistance reunites and squashes a couple of LAX's hood rats. Does this mean the ECW Tag Team Title's coming back? After La Resistance bails, Snitsky comes in and lays out the SAT wannabes.
-Bobby Lathley talkth about how he rethenth hith father for leaving he and hith family when he wath thtill vewwy young. Nextht we heaw about how he won thwee cowwege nathoinaw titleth and hith famiwy wathn't even thewe becauthe they had to get jobth fow theven dowwaws an houw.
-We learn that "Mr Perfect" Curt Hennig is going to be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame this year. Nice little video package rolls with people giving comments on Curt, including his father Larry Hennig.
-Bobby Lashley retains the ECW World Title in a Triple Threat, Extreme Rules match which wasn't good at all. It appears that despite his expertise in carrying Batista every step of the way, Kennedy was unable to do the same for Lashley. Well, even Ric Flair had his limits.
TNA Impact Results 2/22/2007
-AJ Styles appears on top of the Elevation X scaffold and says that after inventing the X-Division and the Ultimate X, he's going to make Rhino famous at Destination X. Rhino comes out and climbs the scaffold. AJ Styles runs, but Rhino says that he accepts the challenge and is going to end AJ's career at Destination X. That thing is really high up, and I don't think there's any way Rhino's taking the bump in this one.
-Team 3D and the fat guy from the Sopranos talk about cliched stuff.
-In a non-title Belting Pot Match (aka a racially stereotypical Lumberjack Match with straps), Team 3D beats NWA World Tag Team Champions Hernandez and Morishima's Bitch.
-Sting says creepy things, while Abyss declines comment, opting instead to abuse Jeremy Borash.
-James Storm joins up with Robert Roode and Eric Young (or as I like to call them, Roode Dibiase and Virgin) to defeat Lance Hoyt and VKM. Chris Harris jumps the rail and chases Storm out of the arena. He's dressed awfully nice for a guy who showed up just to pick a fight with someone.
-Christopher Daniels tells us that change must come from within.
-Abyss lays out some football player.
-Ron Killings stars in...RAMBUCK KILLINGS! Hey, I'd rather see him in the new Rambo movie than "Geriatric" Sylvester Stallone. It was farfetched enough seeing a 60 year old man (who had brain damage in Rocky 5 that everybody seemed to have forgotten about) get in a boxing ring, but then again this coming from a guy who watches a form of entertainment where Ric Flair, Terry Funk, Vince McMahon, and Jerry Lawler are still considered dangerous opponents.
-Jay Lethal does his Randy Savage impersonation again, and this time Kevin Nash tells Lethal that they've been holding guys like them down because they're black. Nash says to play the race card because he's been doing it himself for years. This stuff is so great.
-Jim Cornette brings out Scott Steiner and Kurt Angle, who will face one another at Destination X, for the official contract signing. Kurt Angle says that it's time to get rid of money-hungry bitches like Steiner who raped TNA for everything he could get. Of course they end up brawling, beginning with a stiff Steiner headbutt to Angle that busts him open. Angle fights back, but Christian Cage and Tomko run out and the numbers are too much for Angle. Angle goes down in a heap and Steiner shoves the contract down his throat.
-Jerry Lynn won a ladder match to become the #1 contender to the X-Division Title at Destination X. Bob Backlund gets in the ring and shakes Jerry Lynn's hand after the match. He extends his hand to Austin Starr as well, but Austin walks away, then tries to suckerpunch Backlund, but Backlund gets him in the crossface chickenwing and drags him to the back.
Wrestling Society X Results 2/20/2007
NO SHOW THIS WEEK.
Overall Top Ten Ranking
As voted by me. This ranking includes wrestlers from all three groups and is entirely subjective.
ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley (Champion Since 12/3/2006)
NWA World Champion: Christian Cage (Champion Since 1/14/2007)
WSX Champion: Vampiro (Champion Since 2/6/2007)
Note: Due to Wrestling Society X not airing, there will be no WSX wrestlers appearing in the rankings this week.
1)Samoa Joe
2)Rob Van Dam
3)CM Punk
4)Jerry Lynn
5)James Storm
6)Scott Steiner
7)Kurt Angle
8)Hardcore Holly
9)Kevin Thorn
10)Jay Lethal
Dickhead Of The Week: Homicide
I don't normally take events that transpired outside of ECW/TNA/WSX into consideration for this column, but Homicide got totally destroyed by Morishima in his loss of the ROH World Title over the weekend, and then he lost a match where the gimmick revolved entirely around ethnic stereotypes. Talk about a crappy week.
Vital Social Issues N' Stuff With Stuart
Seriously, I think that it's completely ridiculous that MTV decided to yank this week's episode of WSX due to a fireball being thrown. I mean for crissakes, they have people getting electrocuted and BLOWN UP every week, but a fireball is a no no? The only thing I can think of is that they're still living in fear of the incident from ten or twelve years ago when a kid saw Beavis go "FIRE!! FIRE!!" so he set his house on fire and ended up killing his sister. I still don't know how MTV got blamed for that one, I personally would blame the kid for being stupid and the parents for not teaching him any better or at the very least keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't do something stupid like that. But regardless, the episode will air next week in a slightly edited manner so that the fireball will not be as atrocious as the first time around. You'd think Standards and Practices would have said something about it before the week it was supposed to run, but I guess that's why I'm not a TV executive. I hope this doesn't end up indirectly spelling doom for WSX because I like what it stands for. I've always wondered how indy-style wrestling would perform on a national stage, and I really hope that it doesn't get cut off before it gets a chance to get rolling because SOME STUPID KID FROM TEN YEARS AGO FUCKED IT ALL UP.
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Bad news for ECW: they got their lowest rating ever this week with a 1.3. Aside from the obvious reason it's a bad rating, this may be a sign of bad things to come for ECW. Regardless of the fact that we all know that the ECW Originals vs New Breed feud is going to end with the New Breed going over, it's been the most interesting thing they've done on the show in months. Is it going to get killed because of this rating? Is CM Punk's rumored push going to be killed because they're going to somehow link his big win over Johnny Nitro to the rating? I can guarantee you one guy who's not going to get killed: Bobby Lashley. And why is that, boys and girls? That's right, he's a big, talentless steroid freak. And that's the problem: whenever WWE hits some kind of drop, they always panic and go back to the stuff that none of us want to see. They go back to big guys, they go back to McMahon-centric storyline, and they get completely away from what we do want to see. The landscape of ECW compared to the original company is the greatest example of this that I can give. I do believe that the ECW Originals vs New Breed feud is WWE's last-ditch effort at salvaging the brand, so hopefully they'll let this one ride for a while longer instead of hitting the panic button, but if the rating doesn't go up, they are eventually going to hit the button. And if this is their last ditch, then what's the alternative?
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I think it's a shame how vastly underrated Scott Steiner is as a performer. I think his WWE stint in 2003 did a lot of damage to his character that it took a stint in TNA to help mend. Though he's not the acrobat or high-flyer he was in years past, Scott Steiner still has a very believable repertoire of moves, relying mostly on suplexes and sick power moves these days. But more than that, he's a very entertaining personality that I can relate to. Let's face it, we all could identify with Steve Austin and his "fuck the boss" attitude in the 90s, but as somebody who lives north of the Mason-Dixon line, I find myself relating even better to Scott Steiner, who goes beyond just the fuck you attitude and throws in Northern attitude and does such a good job of freaking out that you really believe that the guy is a sociopath. I think it's a shame that they didn't let Steiner do this in WWE because they could have done big business with him then. He works even better in TNA because now, not to insult any of TNA's other workers, but he's also got a bit of a "big fish in a small pond" aura to him in the sense that he's just this monster who is built like a brick wall and is completely fucking nuts, but also has 20 years of experience in the sport and is a wily veteran. In terms of professional wrestling, he's every bit Kurt Angle's equal at this point and maybe even his better. Though Angle might have more name value with today's fans, he's the only one. I'd say people are far more likely to tune in and watch Scott Steiner than they would Rhino, Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, or even Sting, especially if every time they tune in they see Steiner fucking killing people with insane suplexes.
The Rob Van Dam Contract Watch
With the knowledge that the ECW Revival wouldn't be faithful to the original, Rob Van Dam has been open about the fact that he'll be exploring his options when his contract comes up in late 2007/early 2008. Each week, I will give expert analysis on Van Dam's activity in WWE/ECW in what may be his final year with the company.
Bit of a step up for this week as Van Dam was picked to be the front liner for the ECW Originals as what I presume will be a slew of singles matches between the two sides gets underway. Despite a big brawl breaking out at ringside, the match was allowed to continue and Van Dam scored the clean pin on Kevin Thorn.
This Week's Adjustment: +2
Overall Contract Renewal Score: -1
Links To Stuff You Can Read
Andy Clark brings us Part 2 of the Batista Report Card in this week's edition of The Shimmy.
Larry brings us the 3R's of No Way Out 2007. He also gives us his thoughts on the passing of Mike Awesome in My Take On.
Julian comes up with his picks for the best managers of all time in The Top Ten.
Steve Cook is back in action with another great edition of Ask 411 Wrestling.
Prag and Calhoun go head to head in week ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN of Fact Or Fiction.
This week in the Kayfabe Chronicles, Bryan Danielson sweeps Roderick Strong in a two match series!
Finally, Samuel, myself, and the rest of the gang chime in on this weekend's ROH events in Dayton and Chicago in the 411 Roundtable Preview of Nights Three and Four of ROH's Fifth Year Festival.
What Did We Learn This Week?
In all things, there is at least one lesson to be learned. Here I will impart upon you what I took away from the weekly television of ECW, TNA, and WSX. You too can learn important life lessons from Kevin Thorn and Maverick Matt, and are encouraged to send in your own revalations.
This week on ECW On Sci-Fi, I learned that...
-CM Punk is never going to catch a goddamn break.
-Ken Kennedy could carry Batista, but could not carry Bobby Lashley. Therefore, Batista > Lashley.
-The ECW Originals vs New Breed feud might just be competitive after all.
This week on Wrestling Society X, I learned that...
-Stupidity can have effects that can still be felt years later.
-Teddy Hart doesn't even need to be on TV to get over.
-After a one week break, I think I can deal with that atrocious ring announcer again.
This week on TNA Impact, I learned that...
-Jay Lethal cuts a better promo as the Macho Man than he does as himself.
-Steiner's headbutt > Angle's head and Angle's headbutt > Samoa Joe's head, therefore Steiner's headbutt > Samoa Joe's head.
-No non-wrestler is safe when Abyss is around.
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Well, we didn't do too bad in the absence of WSX this week, did we? In any event, I'm looking at maybe adding a new feature or two to the column in the next few weeks, so stay tuned. But for now, it's time for the Weekend Warrior to head back to his lair for 24 hours. I'll be back tomorrow with The Ominous Thoughts News Report. Until then...brave heart, Tegan.
