Friendly Competition Special Edition 3.18.07: The Rise And Fall Of Wrestling Society X
Posted by Sam Caplan on 03.18.2007
Wrestling Society X has come and gone, and another attempt at creating the next big national company has failed. In this special Sunday edition of Friendly Competition, I wrap the series up and share my pain.
As we all know, Wrestling Society X very possibly has recently met its end via the boardroom. As it stands now, they aren't even going to air the "big" season finale. However, thanks to the magic of binding contracts, MTV was still obligated to run the rest of the episodes they taped, and so we got this past Tuesday night's WSX marathon. Now, as a longtime diehard wrestling fan, I have been witness to some of the worst crap that everybody from Vince Russo on down has tried to pass off as wrestling over the years. I have lived through Katie Vick. I have lived through the White Castle Of Fear and the Beach Blast mini-movies. The Dungeon Of Doom was nothing. The Undertaker's death at Royal Rumble 94 and the ensuing Undertaker vs Undertaker feud barely made me wince. I even actually came out of Heroes Of Wrestling with a smile on my face.
However, this was entirely different. What I found myself facing was likely what I would have seen if XPW ever had a PPV. Now, I did strap myself into a chair long enough at one point to make it through XPW Hardcore Conception, but that tape was only two hours long and I had the aid of a good friend and copious amounts of alcohol. I was one my own for this one, and I knew that sitting through 2 1/2 hours of WSX was going to be one of the most excruciating experiences of my life.
I was right.
Episode 5
The show opens with our musical guest, a rapper whose name I wasn't able to make out, but sounded something like Jizz. I didn't pick up on it until tonight's series of episodes, but the announcers ask every musical guest if they're a wrestling fan. I would have loved for at least one of them to be like "No, that shit's fake", but most of the guests did admit to being wrestling fans, and while some were actually able to name some names, all we got from Jizz was "Yeah, I like wrestling."
So following our gripping conversation with Jizz, we go to The Burn Victim who threw the hadoken at Vampiro in episode 4. Apparently, Vampiro scarred him for life when he tossed him into an exploding casket and he's out for revenge. If it were me, I'd be more upset at the irresponsible wrestling booker who carelessly left the exploding casket at ringside, but what do I know?
The fun continues as the Filth & The Fury took on Team Dragon Gate. For those of you not familiar with Filth & The Fury, it's The Man With The Golden Heritage himself, Teddy Hart, here to take the wrestling world by storm and show his worth to all the wrestling promoters over the years who have blackballed him because of his attitude. He's going to show them what he's really all about, that he's the past, present, and future of professional wrestling, the only member of the Hart family that Stu never stretched, and the most fucking talented man on the face of the planet. TEDDY F'N HART!!! Oh yeah, his partner's Matt Cross. They take on Team Dragon Gate, comprised of Yoshino and Horiguchi. While in any other promotion the incredible talent and international prestige of Team Dragon Gate would be more than enough to ensure them victory, Teddy Hart has to show why he's the most over wrestler on the planet no matter what that faggot CM Punk has to say about it. He singlehandedly destroys the both of them and scores the win. Yeah, Cross covered the other one, but Teddy did OPEN HART SURGERY! Fuck you Gabe Sapoplsky, Teddy's the man.
Now it's time to cool down the audience, so we go to a backstage interview segment with Scorpio Sky, who is still smarting from his loss to Matt Sydal. He tells Lacey that he's going to prove that he's better than Sydal by beating the man who beat him in episode 1: Jack Evans. That was followed up by a quick match in which 6-Pac defeated the Human Tornado, and then we get the ridiculous moment of the night: Team Dragon Gate is confronted by what appears to be a member of the Yakuza, who tells TDG that they lose too much and that he'll need to straighten them out. Before TDG can digest this, a bunch of masked men jump otu of a van, kick their asses, stuff them in the van, and drive off. Didn't Muhammed Hassan get kicked off of UPN for a segment like this?
Finally it's main event time, and "The Anarchist" Arik Cannon (who is nowhere near as cool as "The Anarchist" Doug Williams) takes on the mysterious masked luchador Delikado. The match is interrupted when a bunch of goons run in and, along with Delikado, they put the boots to Cannon. Cannon is put through a table outside the ring, then has his face buried in wet cement to close the show. Hey, if Paul Bearer can live through it, so can this strapping young man...even if he's not as cool as Doug Williams.
Episode 6
Episode 6's musical guest is Good Charlotte, who actually seem to know a few wrestler and move names. I'll resist the temptation of saying that this convinced me that they know more about wrestling than the announcers or anyone else involved with MTV. Ridiculous moment #1 of this episode happens before the first match even starts, as the ring announcer, while hyping up the crowd in the standard, lobotomized MTV way makes a wand magically appear in his hand, flash of lightning and all. I was almost ready to give up after seeing that, but my faith in humanity was restored by Jack Evans beating Scorpio Sky in a pretty good match.
Unfortunately, the fun doesn't last for long, because we now go backstage to Los Pochos Guapos (Aaron Aguilera and Kaos), and while they're both upset about their losing streak, Aguilera tries to cheer Kaos up by offering him sluts, or as he calls them, mamacitas. Well, they already look like Los Boricuas, why not rip off the other famous WWE latinos while they're at it? Aguilera finally relents and challenges the only undefeated team in WSX, the Filth & The Fury, and says that if they lose, they can go their separate ways. If either of them do a 619, this column is ending right then and there.
After lubing up in the back, That 70s Team come out and beat DIFH. That 70s Team did a nice spear through the ropes on Tyler which looked a lot less contrived than the flaming table spot at Wrestlemania. This is followed by a vignette of the Yakuza torturing Team Dragon Gate by dehydrating them. However, their mysterious Yakuza benefactor tells them that...THE TIME IS NEAR. Well, it better be near, they're off the air in one week.
We go backstage and watch Tyler yell at Jimmy Jacobs because they lost to hippies, but Jacobs just wants to sing. Thankfully, we're spared any more of that conversation by going back to the ring where The Burn Victim, now identified as Ricky Banderas, comes out and becomes the biggest babyface in the promotion by grabbing that annoying ring announcer and launching him out through the ropes. He calls out Vampiro to the ring and Vampiro obliges, but gets blindsided by 6-Pac anddouble teamed. Youth Suicide runs in to try and save the WSX Champion, but gets his ass kicked by Banderas for his trouble while Vampiro and 6-Pac brawl all over the WSX Bunker. Banderas brings the brawl (and the episode) to a screeching halt by bringing Youth Suicide up to a high balcony and tossing him onto some boxes below which, for some reason, are reigged to explode. Banderas bleeds out of the mouth and his eyes glow again. This guy is such a walking Nintendo character.
Episode 7
We open with a performance by our next musical guest, who I believe is called Quiet Ride, but following their performance, Ricky Banderas runs out and attacks Youth Suicide (who is hanging out on stage for some reason), then powerbombs one of the band's roadies off the stage and through a table. The band seems totally unfazed by this as they come to the announce position, blowing it off with a simple "Huh? Oh, yeah, we checked on him, he'll be okay." Something tells me that these guys weren't hitching to MSG to watch Snuka and Muraco battle it out in the cage. Luckily for everyone involved, Vaqmpiro comes out and makes faces at Banderas.
Our first official match begins, as Arik Cannon and his mystery partner, Vic Grimes (who I don't remember being THAT fat) face the Cartel. No, I don't mean Mahkan Singh, Rip Rogers, Scott Anthony and Cactus Jack (points to anyone who gets that reference), it's actually Cannon's rival Delikado, Lil' Cholo, and two other unnamed members. Delikado and Cholo are the legal participants, but the others find their way in anyway. I never got much of a chance to see him back in the day, and I'm actually impressed by how agile Grimes is at his size. However, the numbers are against them and they go down in defeat.
Up next, Matt Sydal and Lizzy Valentine are backstage and, although Sydal seems perturbed by a fan letter that Lizzy gets all turned on by, he says he's going to expose Human Tornado as a pimp poser. Unfortunately for him, things don't turn out that way, as despite several low blows to Tornado's balls of steel, Tornado is able to turn it around and score a quick fall when Sydal gets distracted by Lizzy's fan letter.
Up next, the torture continues. No, Ricky Banderas doesn't come out and glow some more, it's actually real torture, as the Yakuza ties Team Dragon Gate to chairs and makes them watch anime. You think I'm making that up, don't you? Well, you're wrong, they actually strapped them to chairs and made them watch those anime cartoons that gave kids epilepsy. Nothing spells a winning wrestling strategy like uncontrollable twitching. The fun continues as we cut to Sydal and Lizzy getting into an argument backstage and Sydal walks out, but we see 6-Pac move in on Lizzy and tells her to drop Sydal because he's a loser.
Finally, it's main event time, as Los Pochos Guapos take on the Filth & The Fury in their make-or-break match. To the delight of Los Boricuas fans everywhere, they make, and pin that loser tagalong Matt Cross despite the awesomeness that is Teddy Hart. Teddy probably would have been able to make it into the ring and break up the pin if he didn't bust his ass moonsaulting off the balcony. You'd think that Teddy of all people would know the family history and realize that no Hart was ever truly successful until they dumped their tag team partner.
Episode 8
Our musical guest this time out is a gentleman by the name of Pitbull. He lets us know that he wants to see someone jump off the top and shit. I really think that a lot of people got way too upset over the whole concept of the musical guest. I mean, if not for that wholly unique aspect of WSX, we would be robbed of intelligent insight like "Yo, I want to see people jump off the top and shit." I know that wrestling fans often resist change like it's cultural reprogramming, but let's give it a chance, okay?
Anyway, the show proper opens with Los Pochos Guapos calling out the Cartel, who apparently attacked them after the prior episode went off the air. Storylines like this really seems ridiculous when aired in a marathon because it looks like they attacked them in the three minutes between the end of the previous episode and what we're watching now. Anyway, this leads to an impromptu match between Los Pochos Guapos and the Cartel, represented tonight by Delikado and Lil' Cholo. I don't know if the other guys can wrestle or if they're just a couple of fat truck drivers who are paid to interfere and look menacing. Anyway, Los Pochos Guapos, fresh off defeating the best team in WSX "last week", are defeated by Cholo and Delikado.
Up next, Luke Hawx and Alcatraz are backstage and pick a fight with Vic Grimes, Arik Cannon, and a mysterious masked woman who I believe to be Sara Del Rey, but I'm not 100% sure on that. This is followed by Jack Evans showing Lacey some moves, but he's confronted by the Human Tornado, who is impressed with Jack's moves, but thinks that he's better and challenges Jack to a dance-off.
This all leads up to the first defense of the WSX Title by Vampiro against his arch-rival Ricky Banderas. You know, Jim Cornette's been very vocal about the fact that he feels like today's spot-oriented style takes away from the impact of those spots, because when somebody takes a bunch of insane moves and gets back up, it defeats the entire purpose of doing the spot in the first place because what should have been not just a match winning move but actually a career threatener instead turns into just another move. I would imagine that if Cornette saw this match, he would have had a heart attack watching the types of things they were doing to each other and getting back up as if they were exchanging flying mares. Specifically, Vampiro gets powerbombed through a table at ringside which, for some convenient reason, has flourescent lightbulbs strapped onto it. He gets up like it was nothing, then takes a second bump through another table. Again nothing, so this time Banderas chokeslams Vampiro onto an exploding casket which is wrapped in barbed wire, and that's finally enough to put Vampiro away. Yeah, let's not overbook this one. Ricky Banderas wins the WSX Title, which I'm starting to feel is akin to being the least retarded kid on the short bus. Ye gads.
Episode 9
The final musical guest for the marathon is Styles P, who actually name drops Ivan Putski of all people. I'd bet that's the first time Putski's name has been mentioned on this network in at least 20 years. Too bad this is the last one, I would have liked to see Beck get a shot at doing commentary, I think it would be more interesting than anything going on in the ring.
Our first match pits Vic Grimes and Arik Cannon against Luke Hawx and Alcatraz. Grimes gets his requisite silly bump by going through the "light bulb fence", which is a series of flourescent light bulbs arranged in a fence pattern, and I wonder what other purpose this could serve except as a prop for someone to go through. There is a big ridiculous explosion from it, but I'm sure that if we ever get another episode of WSX, Grimes will be back at 100% as if nothing happened. After that, there's really no point describing the rest of the match, but Hawx and Alcatraz pick up the win.
We go to Los Pochos Guapos, who up the ante even further by challeging the Cartel to a freakin' PIRAHNA TANK MATCH. I'll just no-sell that one and go to the next match, where 6-Pac defeats Scorpio Sky in another good match. It's funny, whenever we forget about Sean Waltman or write him off, he always pops back up and shows us how good he can be when he's got his head on straight. He even facefucks Scorpio Sky while he's covering him. Not literally, he just sort of humps his mouth. Speaking of 6-Pac, we go backstage with Lacey, who asks Lizzy Valentine about the rumors about her and 6-Pac, but she blows off the rumors, yet Sydal still gets pissed off over the letter from a couple of weeks ago.
We come to the final match, as Jack Evans and the Human Tornado have probably the best match in WSX to this point, which is unfortunately, nay, CRIMINALLY ended by what appears to be the emergence of the first ever evil timekeeper gimmick. Yeah, the annoying timekeeper/announcer with the magic wand decided to stop it for no reason. That may have been bad enough to finish this abomination of a promotion off, but they decide to give us just a little more Drano for the road, as Sakoda de la Yakuza and Team Dragon Gate come out and, to make a long story short, Sakoda says that TDG are gonna kill the Filth & The Furt, and challenge them to a cage match with timebombs.
Whatever.
Conclusion
When I look back on my time with Wrestling Society X, I take away several things. The first is that I can sit through absolutely anything and not only survive, but be inspired to write about it. The second is that no matter how hard certain promotions (who will ROHmain nameless) work to lend some credibility to the business, there will never be any shortage of people who will book any ridiculous, cartoonish concept that comes to mind and fuck it all up. But third, and most importantly, is that professional wrestlers, much like Jedi, are indestructible.
I'd also like to point out to those of you who complain about Vince Russo's booking that it could always be far worse, and one need look no further than Wrestling Society X to see that there's bookers out there who are so bad that they make Vince Russo look like Paul Heyman. I think (or at least hope) that this was the final death throes of the careers of any of those left with a connection to XPW. For those of you who have seen XPW, you know what I mean. But what of the talent?
I think that Matt Sydal, Teddy Hart, and especially Jack Evans will all be just fine. Sydal's a main star in ROH and it's only a matter of time before WWE or TNA pick him up, and Teddy's already rumored to be getting picked up by WWE to form the Next Generation Hart Foundation with his cousins. Jack Evans was without a doubt the main star of WSX, and I hope that he uses this little bit of exposure to his advantage and parlays it into a deal with one of the national companies.
As good as they all looked and as hard as they worked to show that they still have it, I think this is the end of the road for Vampiro, 6-Pac, and Vic Grimes. All three have blown their chances in the big time, and this was their last chance to keep their names in the spotlight, but it was over almost before they began. Unless another national promotion materializes out of nowhere, this is it for them. And as for the WSX Champion Ricky Banderas, I think he'd make a great Heat jobber, but nothing more.
DIFH looked great as a team, and were successfully channeling the spirit of Whitmer & Jacobs, and I think that if they had the chance to work as a team for a little longer, they could have had some great matches. On the other side of the spectrum, Los Pochos Guapos were incredibly bland, and I'm not sure that either of them are legit enough that they'd get over with the valuable Latino demographic. Scorpio Sky impressed me a lot with his ability to talk and work, and I think that after a couple more years of experience, he might have the chance to work his way back onto the national scene.
Looks like Team Dragon Gate went through all that torture for nothing, as the show got cancelled before they had their big return match. The Cartel? Arik Cannon? That 70s Team? I'll see you guys working at the Yonkers Raceway. But as bad as that sounds, you'll probably get more respect working there than you would here. At least there, the people in the crowd aren't paid to show up.
