The Fink’s Payload 03.19.07: WM Debuts
Posted by Sforcina-Marsico on 03.19.2007
It’s the biggest show of the year. The best time to make an impact, yes?
Matt: Hiya, I'm Matt, and I'll be your tour guide for the evening.
Nick: Hiya, I'm Nick, and I'll be that annoying guy on the tour who acts like he knows more than the guide.
Matt: To start off our look at big shock debuts at the granddaddy of them all, let's begin…with an idea that takes place way after Mania.
Right.
Danny Wilson, the mic is yours.
Leading to SummerSlam Undertaker is still the World Champion after a series of matches with Umaga through the Spring. Around this time the Undertaker has been heavily beaten up but able to pull out victories, the most brutal of which was the Great American Bash Casket Match they had. Once the match ends you hear Mr. Kennedy's theme and he emerges to announce he'll be cashing in his MITB Title Shot at SummerSlam. He'd do it now but he wants it to be an extravagant event so everyone can savor his victory.
Fast forward to SS where Kennedy beats UT. Kennedy is finally on top of SD as he should be and the planned celebration goes off with all the bells and whistles that'll make Kennedy that much more hated. The next week on SD! Kennedy comes out to continue his celebration which draws the ire of all the boys in the back. Kennedy is about to announce that he's leaving SD to head to Raw with the strap when the countdown begins.
Out walks Jericho who wants everyone to know that he is back and he will not let Kennedy just leave with the title and head to Raw. The impending match is showcased by awesome mic work and leads to Team Jericho (Y2J, Benoit, London, Kendrick) vs. Team Kennedy (Kennedy, Orton, MNM) which ends with Y2J making Kennedy tap. The two are kept away from one another till Royal Rumble where they finally have their one on one encounter. The match ends with Y2J winning the strap and leading to a feud with RR Winner Edge that headlines WM 24.
Kennedy would then head over to Raw, without the title, where he'd feud with HBK or HHH.
Matt: Well, ignoring the whole "I asked for WM ideas, not later in the year deals" thing, this is a decent enough idea, in theory. Jericho winning the title though, that's questionable if he's to be a part timer as it looks like he will be. Still, not bad.
Nick: Much like with anything that benefits CM Punk, I love anything with Jericho, especially if it involves him winning the title. Plus, on top of that we have Kennedy beating the Undertaker clean for the World Title. My only problem is the short length of the feud. Granted it lasts from August to January, which is almost half a year, but there's only one match. I'd have Kennedy win the first match at Unforgiven in his first defense, then successfully defend it against Benoit at No Mercy, have the 4-on-4 at Survivor Series, have him successfully defend it in a triple threat against London & Kendrick at Armageddon, then lose it to Jericho in the rematch at the Royal Rumble. Once again, though, it's a solid idea.
Matt: So, let's see about someone who did give us a WM debut, and a re-debut, all in one nice, but certainly impossible package. Angelo Velotta, the tape's rolling.
Chris Masters music hits at Wrestlemania and he comes out and sets up a chair. He brags about his undefeated and unbroken Masterlock Challenge, and tonight he has a special variety. He is opening up the Masterlock Challenge to any pro wrestler from any federation, and if that person can break the hold they will be offered a WWE contract. Out comes Alex Shelley! Shelley strolls out and with a horde of paparazzi, and gets on the mic and tells everyone to watch history unfold so they could tell their grandchildren while they order WM 40. Masters locks on the hold and eventually Shelley low blows his way out of the hold repeatedly until Masters lets go. Shelley runs out of the ring while Masters throws a tantrum and challenges Shelley to a match. Shelley just tells Masters to turn around, and when he does he is looking into the eyes of Kevin Nash who Jackknife Powerbombs him.
Matt: Wait a minute, Chris Masters has the authority to grant WWE contracts? Since when? That's the most unbelievable thing in this idea, and that's saying something!
Nick: That's pretty ridiculous, and also quite shitty. If Shelley is going to come to WWE, you'd better be sure as fuck that it isn't to face Chris Masters. The contract thing, though, Matt, can be explained away by just having Masters say it was granted to him by Vince or management.
Matt: But alas, Masters is used in another idea! This time, Tim ‘T-Mix' Stevens uses the challenge, and gives us a hypothetical bonus. Tim, are you up to the challenge?
It's pretty apparent that there is no match set up for Masters at Wrestlemania but since it's a four hour show, they can toss in some non-match attractions (ala The Piper's Pit) and in this case it should be, "The Wrestlemania Masterlock Challenge." The rules are pretty simple, Chris Masters is issuing an open challenge to anybody that has the fortitude to attempt to break his Master Lock Challenge at Wrestlemania XXIII... BUT being that it's Wrestlemania, he only wants this challenge to be accepted by somebody who has headlined a Wrestlemania before!
Speculation begins... Hulk Hogan, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, King Kong Bundy, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, The Ultimate Warrior, Sgt. Slaughter, Ric Flair, Bret Hart, The Rock, Mick Foley, etc. Hulk Hogan & The Rock would be the obvious and more speculated candidates, of course. However, they don't need the rub of being the first to break the hold & being that it's Wrestlemania the fans want something special and the hold needs to be broken...
Masters comes down to the ring in the middle of the show, does his normal boasting: Who's it going to be? The Rock? Mick Foley? The Hulkster? Just then "The Next Big Thing" blares and out comes... Brock Lesnar! Brock would then be the first person to break The Masterlock at Wrestlemania XXIII. From there he could have the feud with Batista that many people seemed to have been salivating over.
(In the defense of Masters, wouldn't it be great if the WWE brought back Ted DiBiase and had him reinstate his Corporation? I think that Chris Masters would be an excellent choice for DiBiase to manage & to host "Million Dollar Masterlock Challenges." I could also see Ted DiBiase leading Trinity to success in the Women's Division on Raw. She has great ability and that "million dollar diva" look.)
Matt: Yeah, that would make sense for Masters, giving him Ted. But Lashley is RIGHT THERE, needing a good talker. And I think, in this day and age, Ted could pull off a face Million Dollar Man. Heck, have him be Trump's rep or something. As for the idea... Eh. Brock's no longer someone I want back.
Nick: Why would Rocky be one of the top speculated picks? Everybody knows it's a ridiculous long shot that he would come back, and you'd be out of your mind to think he'd come back for Chris Masters.
Matt: And finally…HazMatt..
A match has just ended. Nothing too significant, mind you. Maybe something mid card. The crowd's getting pumped but not quite there yet. Cut to the broadcast booth. JR and the King are ringside, talking about what they have just seen before turning things over to Michael Cole and JBL.
Cole and JBL put forth the efforts in the ring when suddenly a young blonde woman tries to flash the camera. Security grabs her before anything is seen but while security is preoccupied two men rush from the crowd, leap the barricade and walk across the announce table. One slides into the ring as the other grabs a microphone before following to the ring himself.
"How does the song go?" One of the young men asks. "Ladies and gentlemen, please, would you bring your attention to me?" Security swarms around the ring, and Vince can be seen lurking at the entrance. "Don't you touch us!" The young man warns. "Vince, you've caused us enough trouble, you tell your goons to back the hell up!"
Vince steps halfway down the aisle and silently tells security to stand down. The blonde woman then slides over the barrier and enters the ring. "So this year's theme is 'All Grown Up', huh? It's funny, because when the three of us were kids, this is where we all imagined we'd end up, we just didn't think we'd have to crash the whole f*cking party.
"I remember sitting in the front row and feeling the crowd cheer around me. I would look up into the ring, see those Superstars and soak in the praise as if it was meant for me. I promised myself – we all promised ourselves -- that we would do it to. That we would follow in the footsteps of great men. That we would bear the standards while we re-invent them, that we would carry a bigger, brighter torch, that we would continue to bring honor the legacy that Vince McMahon so quietly wants to sweep out the door!
"You see, Vince has a problem with us. He hardly knows who we are or what we can do, but he hates us with a passion that is damn near unrivaled. He hates us because of where we come from. He hates us because of who brought us into this world, who cared for us, who raised us, who taught us right from wrong, who taught us how to wrestle and who taught us how to be strong! He hates us because of our fathers and our uncles -- He hates us because we're HARTS!
"And because of that -- because we're Harts -- we all have to test ourselves. We have to test our strength, our reserve, our sanity, our self-respect. This test isn't about championships, it's about whether or not we will let some soulless promoter get the best of our family, and whether or not we will allow him to extinguish a proud flame, to bring complete hell upon our family, all because of something that happened a decade ago!
"We want to be here, Vince! We want to be here and prove that we deserve it! We want to prove ourselves on your stage! We want to prove it to Jim," he points to the blonde, "to Bret, to Davey," he points to the other young man, "and to Owen! And most importantly, we want to prove to you that our family can take everything you have to throw at us, and more!"
The young man is frothing at the mouth, while Vince looks on unimpressed. "Are you done yet?" Vince asks. "God, you're like cockroaches! I think I get rid of all of you and a whole damn bunch hatch and start running around again. You talk about a torch? A legacy? Well, guess what? The only legacy they had was the one I gave them. The one I LET THEM have.
"You say I brought hell to your family, I also brought fame and fortune, something they would never have had if not for me! Hell, if it weren't for me, there wouldn't be an infamous Hart Family Dungeon, it would just be an old man's basement where a bunch of kids shared stupid dreams!"
All three in the ring are fuming at the remark. Vince is smiling devilishly, and continues. "You're here to prove something, huh? Well, don't worry about it, because it's not going to happen. You don't have a right to be here. You don't get onto my stage just because you say so. You act as if you have some birthright, well you don't have sh*t! You have nothing! You have nothing! Nothing! NOTHING!"
All three pull pieces of paper from their pockets, and the young man speaks again. "That's where you're wrong, Vince, because see – We have contracts." Vince's jaw drops as the young man smiles. "Oh yeah, contracts. In fact we only signed these, what, twenty minutes ago? And these things are tight, Vince. It's gonna be fun trying to get rid of us."
"Get rid of you?" Vince begins to explode. "Get rid of you? I didn't even hire you! I didn't authorize this!"
"You didn't," the young man continues, "but Mister Long did. What can we say, the man knows a good deal when he sees it."
"No." Vince cries.
"Oh, yes. I gotta tell you, he had to have an idea of how you'd react. And I'm sure he got a kick out of it, too."
"NO!"
"Yes! We're back, Vince! We're back in the wrestling world! We're back in WWE! We're back in your face! Teddy Hart, Harry Smith, Natalie Neidhart, we are the Hart Foundation and we - are - BACK!"
Vince commences having a stationary breakdown as Teddy leads a chant of "We screwed Vince! We screwed Vince!"
Matt: I got Goosebumps. This is how you make a debut.
Nick: I knew exactly who it was going to be by the 4th paragraph. Hell of an idea and job well done, but I hate Teddy Hart, so it's a tough sell with me any way you do it. I would, however, not mind seeing a 2-on-1 handicap match with Umaga and Khali against Teddy.
Matt: Anyway, I guess we have to think up our own ideas, despite what Nick wants to claim. So…
In the middle of the MITB match, as Edge and Orton are trading blows on top of the ladder, a guy dressed totally in black runs out and pushes the ladder over, sending both Edge and Orton out of the ring and through some tables. The mystery man then helps Kennedy up, practically dragging him up the ladder himself to make Ken grab the case as the mystery man whacks everyone that moves with a chair. Kennedy wins the match and the contract.
Fast Forward…
HBK holds the title belt up, after beating Cena. Cena, nearly in tears, teases a heel turn but is a bigger man and shakes Shawn's hand, and goes to leave, when he gets nailed in the head by a briefcase wielded by Mr. Kennedy. Ken goes to work on Michaels, who fights back, before being blindsided by the Mystery Man. He uses a chain to knock HBK silly, and a Kennedy piledriver onto the case knocks Shawn out. Kennedy grabs a mic.
"Well well well. Look at the old man now. Not so hot, are you? Not so much of a Heart Brake Kid now, are ya? You dumb bastard, you think we're going to sit back and watch as you and Taker, the old timers, the guys who should be getting out of the way continue to try and hog the spotlight? You know how much I had to work to get to this spot, only to see guys like you hold me down? And worse, guys like this-"
Kennedy turns to the MM, and HBK nips up and wails away, before MM grabs him and flips, nailing a flip rock bottom. He removes the mask to reveal Paul Burchill. Kennedy grabs the mic again.
"As I was saying. It's bad enough that I had to work like hell to get this title shot here, but this guy right here, Paul Burchill-
Burchill…
Wasn't even given a shot. He was forced into dressing up like a god damm pirate, and then got demoted because the front office didn't ‘get' it. Well, do you, and the rest of the old timers, ‘get' it now? We're not playing by your rules any longer. Me, Paul, and a few other guys who are as sick to death of all the dusty, crumbly so-called ‘legends' hanging around for far too long, are taking over. If you won't get out of the fast lane, we will run you over, or my name's not Mr. Kennedy!
Kennedy!"
Kennedy and Paul leave, and that's your main feud across summer, spanning all the brands.
Nick: I dunno. Since the whole promotion is about to get looser (no, they're not renaming it ‘Lita'), how about something that involves the tag titles being unified? Yeah? I like that too. This would involve the returns of multiple guys. It starts with Kid Kash, who returns after a one-on-one match between Jamie Noble and Jimmy Yang. Noble wins, and Kash runs out after the match and helps Noble beat the fuck out of Yang. Not long later, in the middle of a tag title match on SmackDown between L&K and D&D, William Regal reappears with both Dave Taylor, a returning Paul Burchill and Harry Smith, and the four of them together destroy all four men in the tag title match. Smith & Burchill become one team and Regal & Taylor stay together, but they're one big faction. During a Regal & Taylor vs. Scotty & Funaki match on SD, Conway, Grenier and Dupree interfere and beat up S&F, and then look over at Regal and Taylor and take them out too. They are still called La Resistance, but no longer with the silly gimmick and music.
That sets us up with the existing teams of L&K, D&D, S&F and R&T, and the debuting/returning teams of B&S, La Res, and the Pitbulls. All sorts of crazy shit goes down with lots of tag team warfare, and the Coach, not to be outdone, starts paying attention to his tag division on RAW and eventually challenges T. Long and SmackDown to a Unification King of the Ring tournament. Both sets of tag belts are stripped and brackets are set on RAW and SmackDown that see matches leading up to the quarter, semi and final matches taking place, with the final match being RAW vs. SmackDown with the new unified belts on the line. Stevens and James can be added to the SD side to round it out at 8. For RAW, you have MNM, Hardyz, WGTT, Highlanders, Cade & Murdoch, Cryme Tyme, and Venis & Crazy. That makes a 7 match PPV with 4 matches on each brand to determine who gets to the PPV.
For a time frame, the return of Kash happens on the Friday after ‘Mania, since they like to do debuts and returns to start what is basically WWE's ‘new year'. April and most of May see mostly action from the SmackDown side, but the RAW teams are starting to become a bit more prevalent as well, just not as much as the tag revolution that begins on SD. Coach issues the King of the Ring challenge on RAW the night after the May PPV and King of the Ring tourney matches begin on RAW the next week and SmackDown the Friday after that.
BEWM
Matt: BEWM? WTF?
So, anyway... Where do we go from here?
Ok, since we have to stay with WM, let's get a little off the wall. WM is where the legends come out. Sometimes for comedy, occasionally for a positive thing. Book a Legend's moment for this year's WM.
