Truth B Told 3.22.07: Card Subject To Change
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 03.22.2007
Sure PPV brand monogamy is great, but who’s going to turn down a 3-way?
Is the WWE in a state of urgency? If the upper management folks are smart, and they are, they will always manage with a sense of urgency especially on the talent side. I always did, which doesn't make it right, but any roster is never but an injury or two away from a serious dilemma. I have preached a lack of quality depth until I am blue in the face. That statement rings true today and probably will be the same 10 years from now. No company can ever get enough main eventers on their roster. - J.R.'s Blog
Make no mistake about it, the PPV Threesome effect is due mostly to the statement above. Like I said last week, "lack of quality depth" equates to lack of real solid "star power" on the roster. The inability to have 3 separate rosters have brand specific PPVs that all do well in buyrates. But is anyone really surprised? RAW is the only brand that does consistently well because Vince designed it that way. Put the biggest stars on that show, make ECW the bastard step child that "Papa Vince" brought home out of guilt and now all the other kids don't want to play with him or share their toys with him. Just as bad Smackdown is constantly treated as the "loser show". Look at the last few "Loser Leaves Brand" matches. Kane vs Umaga and Matt Hardy vs Edge ended up with the "loser" going to Smackdown. So what does that make Smackdown? Ever seen a "Loser Leaves Smackdown" match where the "loser" goes to RAW?
Although the "e" maintains that the brand split is still in full effect, the announcement that all PPV's will feature matches from all 3 brands has effectively ended what could be considered a "true" brand split. Then again, most of us had come to that realization long ago. With superstars appearing on any show they please for the better part of a year it was obvious that the "brand split" was nothing more than a farce. Like your born again high school girlfriend telling you that her "virtue" was still intact because "God doesn't count BJ's and anal", it was a fabrication with the intention to confuse and bamboozle us. Oh yes, Vince McMahon has bent us ALL over, told us to grab our ankles, and gave us the bamboozling of two lifetimes. Without Vaseline. But, what does this mean for us wrestling fans and the wrestlers themselves? Guess I got a whole column to pontificate upon those very questions. *No, "pontificate" is not a gift certificate for a pontoon, read a book people, read a book…and Penthouse Letters doesn't count*
Basically I could give two craps and an MVP match about what this means for Vince and the "e". basically they figure bigger names and match ups means more buyrates and more money. Sure, this also translates into more money for the wrestlers on that particular PPV, but really, does Cena, ‘Taker, Batista, or HBK need another paycheck as much as Murdoch, Helms, or Super Crazy? I want to focus on the people that I actually care about and somehow Vince and the stockholders really don't fall into that category. So let's focus first on the fans. Or at least the people buying the PPV's.
From the fans point of view it is either a blessing or a curse. For fans of John Cena, HBK, Edge, Batista, Mr. Kennedy, Bobby Lashley, RVD, and basically most of the main eventers this becomes a time of joyous celebration as the chances of seeing these guys each month on PPV just increased 2 fold. While throw away matches like Helms vs Scotty 2 Hotty, Eugene vs Masters, Balls vs Striker, etc. will probably not be played out on PPV, they will instead be replaced by Main Event feuds from other brands. The quality of PPV's might just increase because the WWE doesn't have to throw in matches people will forget about in a week and include high profile, buy-rate popping matches that people may just very well care about.
The other side of that coin is that if you were a Matt Hardy, Chris Masters, Carlito, Helms, London/Kendrick, Deuce/Domino, Kenny Dykstra, CM Punk, Monty Brown, or cruiserweight fan then the chances of seeing your favorites just went down the old stink tube. No, not another Lita joke, I'm talkin' about the place where people urinate and defecate on daily bas…oh, I guess it is a Lita joke. Well the point is, while the rich get richer, the poor will get poorer. Guys who are scraping by and hoping that the backend of their contracts will kick in some more money due to being booked on PPV's will start to feel a little pinch in their pocket. Yes, even in the WWE, a guaranteed contract is not always that as the ‘backend' can often make up for a smaller guaranteed yearly salary. While Cena or HBK may make more, Chavo, Sandman, and Lance Cade may not fare so well.
The irony of this is that the announcement was made right after my column last week talking about the WWE not being able to "make superstars" anymore. This will basically polarize the roster in a way because guys that the "e" may decide push will become bigger "stars" quicker due to the increase in potential exposure both on PPV's and subsequent crossover appearences, however "potential" breakout stars might not even secure a PPV spot or a decent feud and storyline due to being "crowded out" of their spot by guys on other rosters. What's more, is that ECW:One Night Stand, isn't even that anymore. They might as well keep calling it, ECW: Fuck Buddies…wait, I was the one calling it that…okay, well maybe we'll change that to: ECW:Gang Bang. Guys like Lashley and Kennedy might actually have the most to benefit from this as they will now be allowed to wrestle more PPV's that they would otherwise not be booked for, likewise they may cross into inter-brand feuds that may be a better match than on their own show. So Lashley would not be stuck facing Striker, Holly, and Snitsky, but rather have a shot at an Umaga, Booker T, or Edge. Kennedy would have the opportunity to face top faces on other brands, or on the flip side, he could be shunted back down the card as now he will have to open up for not only Smackdown's main event players but also RAW's.
The problem with Mid-Carders is that it is a relative term, when you are only surpassed by 2 other matches on a 7 match card, you are an upper-mid-carder. When you now are the 4th or 5th match on the card you become an upper lower-card or lower mid-card wrestler. Plus, the chances of your match being allowed to outshine the main events of not only your own brand but 2 others will probably be depressed. It's hard to justify the brand split when you've only really split a portion of the TV time and not even the PPV's. Also the whole reason for the brand split was to give guys the opportunity to shine and the chance at better position on the card they wouldn't have had before since the rosters were so stacked. Now they'll have to fight all over again, except this time they are fighting amongst themselves to try to steal spots from lesser "Superstars". Now with only a small handful of legitimate "Superstars" including 1 which may retire soon, you're going to end up either saturating the market with Cena and Khali *yikes* or you'll just be putting your mid-carders on PPV's over the other brand's mid-carders.
Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Right now there have been two recipients of the crossover appearances in terms of getting more face time. No, not the Cena's, HBK's, Batista's, or ‘Taker's of the world. Those guys don't have anything to gain by being booked on multiple PPV's or weekly shows. Certainly NOT Khali, that guy is a walking wellness plan waiting to happen. Don't think the Hardy's or MNM are those guys either. Jeff Hardy lost his belt to Vince's savage and Matt is still stuck on the same mid-card treadmill, let's not even talk about what happened with Nitro and Mercury. I'm talking about Mr. Kennedy and Bobby Lashley. Lashley is clearly Vince's choice as the next superstar, perhaps more because he wants to rub HIS version of Lesner in the real Lesner's face more than because Lashley is actually ready. Not only is he the new temporary "Stone Cold" to Vince's evil empire, but he also was the first guy to break the ‘Masterlock'. Yep, nothing says "SUPERSTAR" like breaking a full nelson by a ‘gas head'.
Kennedy on the other hand, well, he's had a slightly different road to follow. The man has been on ECW and wrestled for the title twice already. The man is getting exposure. What he ISN'T getting is wins. Kennedy is running out of options soon because he's been through almost the entire roster on Smackdown, an impressive one at that, and still doesn't have the gold to legitimize him. Perhaps this opportunity to dip into the RAW well might be just what he needs. The problem is, that he's not ready for the RAW main event scene right now, as crowded as it is. But perhaps a few more appearances on a RAW PPV or two will convince the brass upstairs that a Kennedy title reign would be worth it.
So it appears that for as many ‘cons' as there are, there might just be a few ‘pros' as well. Provided the "e" uses the new cross-brand PPV policy in the right way. That means more Kennedy, Lashley, Edge, Orton, CM Punk, Johnny Nitro, and pretty much anyone else that could use a shot in the ass that could propel them to superstar levels. If this actually means more Cena, Khali, Umaga, and Vince McMahon then they might as well just chuck the brand split right now. Hopefully what comes out of this is better quality matches and more bang for your buck when you want to buy a PPV. What this does mean, however is that the Tag/Cruiser divisions just might have to start getting used to working ‘Dark Matches' a little bit more. But hey, at least they still get to be an ‘extra' when that DVD comes out right?
The Truth
I'm not sure where this is going yet, so I will reserve the right to pass judgment until Summerslam. Right now this is probably good for the WWE ‘marks' who love their Cena/HBK/Batista and don't give a flying cruiserweight about anyone who isn't either holding a belt or feuding with Cena. This could be bad for the people who have hopes of seeing their favorite obscure wrestler (Helms, Noble, Shelton, Stevie Richards…just kidding) get significant time on a PPV. The problem with not letting a roster have it's own PPV is that you're really just polarizing that roster and hurting roster depth. It's also becoming clear that the WWE is trying to tie in their shows so that you feel that each week you have to watch ALL of the WWE programming to see what will happen on the next PPV. Will it work? Perhaps, but has anyone considered what that will do to the Summerslam's or Survivor Series' that used to be special BECAUSE of the inter-brand matches? Sure the ‘Rumble' and ‘mania' will be fine, but will this really result in better ECW PPV buy rates? Only time will tell. Don't kid yourself though, because the real reason for the 3-Way PPV's are to help WWECW's sagging buyrates and to hide the overall lack of true "star power" and roster depth. This might be better in the long run for PPV quality and if used well, some mid-carders could really benefit from this so long as the established "Stars" don't dominate each PPV. So yes there is a bright side and I'm not predicting doom and gloom with this move, but merely disappointment in the execution of an idea (The Brand Split) that I had once had high hopes for. But as it stands, it looks like the rich get richer and the poor…wrestle on Heat. Oh, that's right, they don't run Heat before PPV's anymore….well shit. Sorry ‘bout your damn luck Wang.
Coming Up Short
Sports Illustrated has alleged that several wrestlers from the WWE including Edge, Rey Misterio Jr., Eddie Guerrero, Shane Helms, Randy Orton, and Trevor Murdoch, have bee receiving steroids and human growth hormones from a source in Florida. Okay, I made up Murdoch, but that would be funny as hell if he was on the ‘juice' and it just didn't take. Anyways, the WWE basically released a statement to the effect of, and I'm paraphrasing here: "All this shit went down before we had the wellness plan and now we make sure that wrestlers don't take certain stuff or stuff may or may not happen to them…so, maybe all the allegations are true, so what? We're a wrestling federation, who gives a shit?"
Well this isn't the 80's and this isn't Hulk Hogan planning to take a stand, but in this day and age where baseball players are testifying in front of a Senate committee, you have to be careful. It is clear that this whole "wellness plan" isn't working out too well because of all the people being suspended as a result. Also it doesn't help when guys like Kennedy, Punk, and Carlito are languishing in the mid-card while beefy muscle men like Batista and Lashley have gold around their waist. Well at least John "The Whole F'n Company" Cena wasn't fingered.
It seems odd that the guys mentioned were on the list, Eddie I thought was clean for some time, but it is not a big surprise he was named. Rey Misterio has put on about 25 lbs since his last WCW days, and while not a behemoth, perhaps that explains why his style is so different now as the added bulk as well as the booking has grounded him a bit. Randy Orton, well, the man is pretty large so I'll go with that. But Edge and Helms are far from Sosa and McGwire, one has to wonder how true those claims are. Either way, fans don't care. Plain and simple, we don't care how you get the six pack and biceps, only that you perform. It's clear that Vince doesn't care, and wrestlers who have seen so many alumni pass before their time don't care. But you know, Johnny Law just might. I'm not saying this is going to turn into a full on inquisition, but you have to wonder if amongst all the scandals you might see this effect the company. Steroids are illegal, and if the government wants to crackdown on Vince, well they just might be able to shut him down for good. Let's just hope all this speculation and hearsay comes up short, before we find ourselves watching Viscera and Scotty 2 Hotty fighting over the belt as the last men standing.
6 Degrees of…
Mark Satrang just can't take a clean win…
B--
Yeah...another win but it seems like I can only win when there isn't that much competition but hey a win is a win, no matter how cheap and easy it may be...
Anyways this time I gotta go with probably my favorite guy to watch on WWE TV right now, if only they would take handcuffs off of him - Paul London...
Man, just take the win Mark, that's number…what? 7 or something? Not bad. He's becoming the Jeff Jarrett of 6DO, quick someone stop him!! Okay, London is a worthy addition although the man has been champion of a fairly neutered title for so long that one has to debate whether or not its even worth holding that title. Regardless I think a good link would be to reunite him with his beloved finisher…or at least the namesake for said finisher…
This week I'm not even going to tell you who these guys are, but I'm sure a quick wiki look up will let you know who these limey rockers are. So 6 degrees, get to it.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Papa's got a brand new bag, and it's full of mail:
Hey Bayani,
Interesting article - and one I mostly agree with, but I do have a somewhat more optimistic view than you. Just a few comments ....
First, in comparing the pops received by current stars to the one the Rock got this past Raw, I do think you have to take into account how long it had been since the Rock had been on WWE programming and also the surprise factor. I think that if Cena (or even Edge) had been off for a year and then made a surprise return the Pop would be pretty big (maybe not quite as big .... it is the Rock afterall). In comparison, the fact that Mick Foley seems to come back every few months has really lessened the pops he has been getting.
Second, I think that the absolute right move for the SD! Main Event at Mania is for the Undertaker to won . This is partially because Batista is older and an injury risk, but also because I think the person to ultimately take the title off of Taker becomes and instant start - the obvious choice being Kennedy to do this. Speaking of Kennedy, I think he really has potential and with his attitude and ability to cut a promo I think he can become a lot like Heel Rock of the past.
Thirdly, I think you do have a good point about it being harder to make a new true, top-level superstar with the three belts instead of one. I think one important thing the 'E can do is have their top people hold the top belt on more than one show. I think the fact that Cena has been the champ of both SD! and Raw really helps his status (and I guess potentially the same thing could happen to Lashely if he moved back from ECW).
Long of the short - While I do think there is a bit of a lull now in creating true superstars (and seeing Stone Cold and the Rock on the same episode really highlights this) I do think there is enough potential there and if Vince would really allow a few of the younger guys (Edge, Kennedy, even Carlito maybe) to really run with the ball, I think they will be fine.
Later, Phil
Well Phillip, you are right, The Rock's absence did indeed make the heart grow fonder. Even though he seemed paler, skinner, and a bit less snow on the ol' roof, he was still a sight for sore eyes. I'm telling you that if The Rock and Cena ever got to do a program together, it would probably blow the buyrates sky high for any single PPV. I've often said Kennedy is Rock/Jericho wanna be, but what I think separates the two men is a couple of things. For one, The Rock had a unique look, and ethnicity. He was the first recognized Samoan and Black WWF champion. *Yokozuna was Samoan, I know, but in a kayfabe sense he was "Japanese"* Also The Rock had, literally, movie star looks. Kennedy to me looks kinda squiggy and isn't exactly chiseled out of stone. Also The Rock broke through as a rather unique performer. Sure he had shades of Flair/Race/Billy Graham, but no one really directly compared him to any of them at face value. Kennedy has followed in the shadows of two great mic workers in Jericho and The Rock, in the matter of a few short years so the comparisons are a little more blatant. Also, to me, Kennedy is a one trick pony on the mic. Basically he has the "Kennedy….Kennedy" thing and that's it, where as The Rock seemed to have a new catch phrase and T-shirt sporting said catch phrase every other week. To me Kennedy has a good shot of becoming a top star so long as he continue to improve in the ring, has time to craft his own unique personality, and isn't neutered by "creative" when it's time for him to work the mic. Like I said last week, him, Lashley, Edge, and Orton really the "e's" best chances at "Stars". But it looks like Lashley is already getting a head start over everyone else as he's definitely a few good booking choices away from that level. Let's just hope someone brings back the old Kaientai "voice over" gimmick for the big lug. In…..deeed!!
Hey man,
I kind of wanted to comment on your take of soon-to-be top stars in the WWE.
I'm certainly more optomistic about some of these guys than you are. I think that leveling it down to 4 stars isn't the right move when you want to make more stars. You should have at least 4-6 main stars per roster (one to hold the title, one to be the number one contender and two- four to run "secondary-main events" and to also act as future contenders).
I admit, there are some people on the list who I know for sure will never be a top star, but I'll get to that later.
I also think that there are some names that are left off of here.
Lets take a look at the list:
Randy Orton- He's in a good spot right now. He's already established, he's getting a major push, and he's always a title threat. Expect him to be the top heel in the company soon.
Kennedy- Great charisma, great ability. Again, another shoe-in for a top spot AS LONG AS THEY LET HIM CUT PROMOS.
Edge- He can go both ways. I think that we've already seen his highest potential and he's already starting to get out of the picture. A resurgence is possible, though. His future is truely up to him.
Carlito- He's like Kennedy with the exception of one thing: Carlito needs a push! The he's already over with the fans, he just needs the office's support as well.
Chris Masters- He will never be a top contender. He's already in trouble over the wellness policy, he's never gotten over with the fans, and he's only known for really one thing. There are true heels, and there are people the fans hate for being lame, and this is one of those cases.
Matt Hardy- We've seen that with the right moment and the right spot-light, Matt can really be a threat. He is obviously the more technical of the Hardys and pure wrestling fans enjoy him more (as we've seen from ROH). He was the guy who put Edge over and made him a big star, it's just a matter of time that someone puts HIM over.
CM Punk- Punk has what I like to call "The Samoa Joe factor". The build was perfect and he didn't disappoint. He is also the ONLY guy in the WWE right now that is doing something different. In the WWE, most of the matches consist of suplexes and headlocks, but Punk is actually going out there performing matches with more skilled-submissions and strikes. He was also pushed highly very early on, even being put in the Extreme Elimination Chamber (even if he was the first eliminated). His former-ROH comrade is already getting a big push in TNA and I expect the same.
Bobby Lashley- He's already got a title! He's more than qualified as a top star, but needs some more work on his promos.
Monty Brown- Even at his age, I believe that in the next 3 years he can become a top-star. The guy is built like a horse (in a good way) and can hold his own with the more recognizable faces. He just needs a push.
Jeff Hardy- He's the opposite of his brother! He's only got about 5 moves in his main arsenal, the rest being sloppy punches and clotheslines. But he's HIGHLY over with the fans. He's got that dangerous appeal that really works. Because of that, he is more likely to a title before his brother.
Umaga- He's got potential, alot of potential. He's very agile for a big man, and he's already a proven threat. He just needs to get back in the game.
Great Khali- Terrible. Crap. Garbage. Doesn't sell, can't talk, the only reason he's here is because Vince likes big men.
Shelton Benjamin- Lots of ablility and charisma, but that "Momma" angle really screwed him over. He does have a history of good/great matches, he just needs to maybe disappear, go back on the indy circuit, re-aply himself, then make a comeback. That's what he needs.
MVP- If the "T.O." gimmick could be dropped, I think he has potential.
So out of those guys, the top 8 would probably be:
Orton
Kennedy
Edge (assuming he wants to keep wrestling)
Carlito (needs a push)
Matt Hardy (needs charisma, push)
CM Punk
Jeff Hardy
Umaga
Shelton Benjamin (assuming he follows my suggestion)
There are also some guys I believe you are missing: Johnny Nitro, Finlay (assuming he wants to keep wrestling), and we always have to remember that WWE goes out on the indy circuits to recruite people.
So there you go,
Tanner
Well to be fair, Tanner, I never said they should only let 4 guys be stars in the entire "e". I said that's what they have now. But you are right, ultimately 4 stars a brand is a good start. Let's say RAW has: Cena, HBK, Edge, Orton. Smackdown has: Batista, ‘Taker, Kennedy, and Matt Hardy *uh…it could happen, right?*. That leaves ECW with: Lashley, Punk, …RVD….and…um… Monty Brown? Or Elijah Burke perhaps? That seems about right, but if ‘Taker does retire, that really only leaves RAW with a solid stable of stars. Hell, look at your list, 6 out of 9 are RAW guys. Matt Hardy is a joke now, I'm sorry, it's the absolute truth. Say what you will, but he could have been a two time TNA champion by now. Ask yourself this…what belt has Matt won since he came back to the "e"? Umaga is a limited gimmick, because when has a "savage from a foreign land" last held a title in the "e"? Canadians don't count by the way. Jeff can't be trusted with carrying a company, Shelton can't even beat the Highlanders, and Carlito just seems like a wholesale Razor Ramon rip off without the size or ring presence. What you have left are my 4 choices, and of course…CM Punk. Right now he can't even get into a feud for the "paper" championship on his own brand. Granted he is different and he can talk, the "e" doesn't let him. Plus, the guy is a little small for Vince. Around 6'0" maaaaybe 6'1" and 220 – 225 lbs. I think the guy is actually a skinnier version of Edge. If everything aligned and he wrestled like the old RoH CM Punk and dropped this "White KENTA" crap, then he'd be a champion for a new time. Right now he could symbolize everything ECW is about and he would actually be the best choice as champion right now. Problem is, he's always in and out of the doghouse and he just doesn't have that "look" the WWE craves, plus, let's face it, the "e" isn't exactly known for taking great Indy talent and show casing them for what they were. See: London, Paul and Kendrick, Brian. The champions of a 2 team tag division. But you know…if Vince stepped out of the 80's and into 2007, I think CM Punk might just be the kind of guy that could turn the "e" right on it's ear. If Vince gave Punk the win at WM and worked to a Cena/Punk feud, that might pop an otherwise listless PPV through the roof. Smarks and Marks alike would line up to see Punk take on Cena. It's true, even the most ardent of anti-WWE/RoHbots would want to see it. The smarks would watch as Punk tried to hold onto the title and the marks would be frothing at the mouth to see Cena take it back. So Tanner, maybe you're right, maybe the future ain't so dim after all. Then again…the present…it needs track lighting like no other.
Dear Bayani,
I just finished reading your column and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I do agree with a lot of your comments but I think you missed out two very key points as you why the WWE havent been able to create any stars or rather what exactly the current new crop are missing. If you look at the past champions like The Hitman, Rock, Stone Cold, Triple H, Angle they all had the credibility look of a champion. What I mean by this is that if you take the Wrestling world as it is, fake, then in order to maintain and gain an audience it needs to be realistic. If you analyse what the WWE has been doing since its birth is say that in the world created by Wrestling that our champ is the biggest bada$$ the world has to offer. You look at Stone Cold as a person, his build and demeanour and character you might buy the fact he could beat Tyson in a fight. Rock could be able to beat an Olympic champ at his own game being 6"5 and confident with a build that can stand toe to toe with the best of them. Angle's past enough said. The guys today with the exception of Cena and Batista and Lashley (to a lesser extent that I will explain later) dont look real enough. I train after work and on the weekends and my body is better than Ken Kennedy's and Edge. I can talk a better game for myself than Masters, Shelton, Haas and Benoit. I would be a wrestler if I was a little bit taller (joking). But for real think about it this way based on their character and look the scariest of the new crop today are the three current champs. They look like legit a$$kickers.
Now the second point is that the product is pi$$ poor plain and simple. If I had a feud with any of the new guys I could tear them all apart on the mic by focusing on their past win loss ratio and this is where Lashley falls short of the other two. Orton couldnt beat a 60 year old with two dodgy knees and a replaced hip. Edge couldnt hold the title longer than Juniors Division was on SmackDown. Master's has never won a feud. Shelton cannot beat any singles wrestler on the roster even with Haas to help him. Why was he one of the longest IC champs only to be jobbed out with no explanation???? Please say he has an injury or his confidence is lost after being beaten. Please Explain!!!! Lashley could not beat a 40+ guy with no evidence of going to the gym on the reg (Finaly). How can Lashley not squash the Irishman in 2 mins with that background and physique???? Doesnt make any sense which is another reason he wont be able to help ECW. Rey, Matt and Jeff all should be regulars on the Comdey Club, plain and simple they are all jokes. MVP was signed to a multi million dollar contract with no explaination as to why or who he was prior to being seen on our screens. They should have used this gimmick on Monty Brown. And the IWC golden boy Kennedy, with that crap body and the cartoon face will never hold a candle to the likes of Hart, Michaels, Rock, Trips, Flair etc... He has a good rep beating the champs but never owned a pin on Taker or Batista and everyone on the roster has beaten Benoit, Booker and Rey. So to me he is no different to a lot of other guys and its a poor man Legend Killer gimmick.
Whay they need to do is very simple if they wanna bulid stars. Be consistent. Brock was crap in more ways than one, but he was a legit champ, look and rep to back it up. These new guys get beaten by eveyone on all rosters each week. How can you bulid a star if he doesnt win feuds week in week out??? Edge, MVP, Carlito, Kennedy, Matt Hardy have not won a single feud in recent times and Orton beat Carlito what an achievement from a former world champ. Jeff beat Nitro only to get squashed by Umaga which not only killed his cred but Nitro's too. Rebuild the US and IC ranks. Tag Divison is where Bret and Shawn came from and Stone Cold and learn from the past.
Its a long one but i needed to vent please let me know what you think.
Regards Tarek
He brings up a good point, I was talking about this with some friends this weekend. Guys like Kennedy and Punk and Edge to some extent, just don't LOOK like champions. Sure for every HHH and Stone Cold, you had Mick Foley or Jericho, but those guys had more charisma than 99.5% of the wrestlers in the company right now. Look at who are the champions right now: Cena, Lashley, Batista. Okay, now name me a guy on the roster, not named Masters, with a bigger muscular build than them. Go ahead…I'll wait. I'll just play Table Tennis on my 360 while you are figuring it out….oh crap….no, I have to hit it over to the left, what button is spin? Maybe if I….oh…damn it…FORGET IT…damn game cheats anyways. Okay, time's up. And the answer is…. Did you say Khali?? You silly bastards. Face it. The top guys are just the biggest and most ripped guys on the roster. Put Edge, Kennedy, Carlito, and Punk together and line them up against those guys. With the exception of Orton who has the best "look" (juice or not) and those guys fall short. I hate to say that looks matter, but it's not what's inside you that counts…unless you're a rookie, then that's probably two of JBL's fingers.
I think right now, the only hope either Hardys or Shelton or MVP have is if they end up with a JBL like rehabilitation push. Then again, the only reason why we accepted that life time jobber and lower mid-card tag team wrestler as a champion was an awesome, albeit Texan Million Dollar Man-esque, gimmick, great heelish mic skills, and the fact that he just looks like a big bully who could kick your ass. Somehow, I ain't really afraid of Jeff Hardy taking my lunch money…unless he holds me up iPod-point with set of mini-speakers and his album on pause. Just take the money…and nobody has to go deaf Jeff.
Now a little break in the action with Chris Jacobs
I hope you mean his real "wrestling name" is Danity Kane, because his REAL name is Glenn Jacobs, aka faux Diesel, aka Dr. Isaac Yankem….
Oh man, I wonder how many people thought I was serious? Danity Kane is the horrible group from P-Diddy's "Making the Band" on Mtv. I actually know Glenn Jacobs was Kane's real name. Maybe I should add a *wink wink* before certain jokes? Eh, well what's the chance that Chris and Kane are related huh? Hmm…who knows. I'm still waiting for a Randy Milonakis to write in to tell me my column should be shuffled down to 413mania.com.
Somehow doubts the star power of "The Phenomenal One":
Hi,
Generally agreed with your column, but have a bone to pick
"… once he finally wins the TNA title (my guess is by June) he'll be up there with Sting, Christian, AJ, and Angle as legitimate TNA "Superstars".
I think what you've actually got is three levels
Level 1: AJ Styles and Christian
Level 2: Samoa Joe
Level 3: Sting and Kurt Angle
A straw pole of some friends and colleagues revealed that however incredibly talented they think Christian and AJ are, and however much "those in the know" think they're brilliant, to the average wrestling fan they're just not up to the "mythical" status of Sting and Angle.
Sting and Angle are legitimate All time Hall of Fame performers. Cross-media stars. TNA still hasn't gotten away from the "Televised Indie" aura. They have too many samey-wrestlers with poor ring psychology; doing impressive moves, but not telling stories.
AJ Styles and Christian are missing that intangible something that defines a "superstar". Christian wasn't not the champion in the WWE because he was "held down", it's because he didn't have the right look, the right moves, and ultimately just didn't have "it". Charismatic? Definitely? Talented? Absolutely. A superstar? Never going to happen.
Samoa Joe, on the other hand, could be. When average people think of TNA, they probably think either "hey, that ring looks weird" or they think of Samoa Joe. He somehow brings and air of legitimacy to TNA (whereas Angle and Sting, being established stars from other companies, only highlight TNA's shortfalls) He has a unique look, unique offense, oozes charisma, and really does have star quality. (You can well imagine Joe talking to Letterman, but AJ?) He's not there yet because he hasn't been around anywhere near long enough.
I guess my point is that TNA hasn't created ANY Superstars at all. Joe comes closest, but only time will tell whether his name is mentioned in the same breath as Rogers, Flair, Hogan, Austin, Sting, Rock et al.
Regards
Jim
Sorry Jim, but I'm going to have to totally disagree with you on a couple points. Point number 1. AJ Styles is a "Wrestling Superstar". Go to the WWE and ask them if they know who he is. Go to any Indy wrestling Fed in the country and ask the same thing. Go to Japan, go to Mexico, hell, go to Korea and ask them. They all know who he is. He's is a big draw and the fact of the matter is that he has been treated like a true superstar in TNA. He is a double "Triple Crown" winner for God's sake. As far as Christian goes, the WWE missed the boat with this guy as right before he left he was getting so over with the crowd in his build up to a feud with Cena that creative decided to job him clean and ship him off to Smackdown before he left. Really, is he any less physically imprssive than a Rey Misterio or Edge? The man can talk and work a match, basically he's everything Jeff Jarrett wasn't and given the chance he could be THE most entertaining heel champ in years. PLUS the man has a stable to back him up, that is legitimacy in a bottle. However, I think Joe really IS the superstar of TNA. As far as talking to Letterman, I'd love to see him give Paul Schaeffer a "Face Wash" and choke out one of those Indian guys at the convenience store. I think TNA has created really 2 stars in AJ and Joe and Christian is well on his way. But, yeah, Sting and Angle are definitely in that HoF range and TNA really needs to get those three to that level sooner than later if they want to make TNA into something more than a "bridesmaid".
6 Degrees Results
Just for giggles, here's an entry for this week...
1) Nobuo Uematsu penned the music for the Final Fantasy series, which spawned into an awful 2001 movie featuring voice talents of none other than Alec Baldwin...
2) Baldwin was a part of 2006's best movie The Departed, among an all star cast that included Mark Wahlberg...
3) Wahlberg worked with Andre 3000 in the 2005 movie Four Brothers...
4) Andre worked with The Rock on Get Shorty...
5) The Rock and Ken Shamrock had a long fued in 1998 in the WWF...
6) Shamrock's "sister" and former girlfriend Alicia Webb was the manager for Maestro in WCW... Mark Satrang
Honorable Mention
#3
411's own Matthew Sforcina cracks the top 3 this week.
1. Nobuo Uematsu has composed the main theme for Super Smash Bros. Brawl, who's main character (arguably) is Mario.
2. Mario was in Super Mario Kart along with Princess Peach.
3. Princess Peach was a playable character in the Gamecube version of SSX on Tour, as executively produced by Steve Anthony.
4. Steve Anthony also produced SSX Tricky, which featured as the voice of Luther-Dwayne Grady, Oliver Platt.
5. Oliver Platt appeared in the movie 'Ready To Rumble', along with one Michael Haynes aka Prince Iaukea
6. And on the October 28th, 1999 edition of WCW Thunder, Prince Iaukea was beaten by The Maestro.
Technicality here as it's actually Michael Haynes the 3rd. Yep, that means there are two more generations of Iaukeas out there who must have been so proud of their little prince.
#2
Double C (Corey Cotton) is counting his ray guns before they're hatched:
Here is my 6DO entry for this week, Mario Kart and all:
1. The music of Nobuo Uematsu was used by Yoko Shimomura in Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars.
2. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars of course starred Mario himself, who also starred in Mario Kart with his brother Luigi.
3. The part of Luigi was played by John Leguizamo in the 1993 movie "Super Mario Bros."
4. John Leguizamo starred as the voice of Sid the Sloth in "Ice Age: The Meltdown", which also had the voice talent of Stephen Root as the aardvark dad.
5. Stephen Root was in the 1992 movie "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" with David Arquette.
6. When the WCW announced that it was going to put its World Heavyweight Championship belt around the waist of David Arquette, Rob Kellum, aka The Maestro, quit the company. (I'm sure to little fanfare, pun intended.)
I'm looking forward to receiving my 3-way shooting gun in the mail.
Well sorry Corey, but no boss 3-way shooting gun for you this week. Actually I believe Maestro quit AFTER Arquette won the title, not before. Still a damn good try, you managed to place *this* close to the top spot again this week, if not for this man right here….
#1.
Vincent Chiucchi
Hey Bayani, Vincent from 411Games. Since you posted something game related for your 6 Degrees, I figured to give it a shot myself. Let's see...
1. Nobuo Uematsu did the music for the E3 2006 trailer of Super Smash Bros. Brawl
2. Super Smash Bros. Brawl is from the same publisher as Super Mario Kart
3. Super Mario Kart was released for the SNES in 1992
4. 1992 was the year WCW aired the "White Castle of Fear"
5. The "White Castle of Fear" starred Vader and Sting
6. Sting was the first man Maestro wrestled in WCW
Keep up the great work
Say what you will, but anytime the "White Castle of Fear" match is mentioned, that just blows away the competition. I mean, a match where the winner has to cram as many mini burgers into their gullet as they can…just amazing. I don't know how Sting ever thought he could beat Vader at chowing down on those little diaherrea inducing bastards. I tell ya, Sting really missed the…oh wait…*rechecks wiki*…oh, well, a bull rope match sounds about right too. Although for the life of me I can't remember why it was called the "White Castle of Fear" match, but I'll be damned if those old video vignettes weren't enough to make you want to punch Harold and Kumar in their faces. Well good job Vinny C. You have won your opportunity to nominate any 1 person in 6DO next week. Man, not only are the WWE PPV's now featuring multiple brands, even 411 columns are becoming multi-section now. Why didn't anyone from the music section ante up this week?
Left Overs…
Tough week to be a douche' bag. After Jimmy Rave broke his jaw in a match earlier this month, Edge is soldiering on even though he had his jaw broken by RVD. It's commendable as he doesn't want to blow a big WM match as well as possibly lose his position if he had to miss any considerable time. Both men are seeing the same expert in regards to getting their jaws heeled up and back on track as soon as possible, thank God Vince didn't lose Lita's number. Hey, you wanna learn how to fix your shoulder, go to Tommy John, you wanna learn how to get your jaw back in working condition in no time flat….
Go check out NWApro.com, it's interesting how they are running an angle with the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. It started with Bryan Danielson wanting a shot at the belt. Then a number of guys like Brent Albright (RoH really raised his stock), Adam Pearce (old school and got over fairly well in RoH), Chance Prophet (no clue who he is, but that was actually Rene Dupree's pseudo name when he released that gay porn over seas), Bobby Joe Marshall (I've seen him wrestle and I still don't know who he is), and Karl "Machine Gun" Anderson (Fake Anderson, but a genuinely good character). But this really comes down to those first 3 guys. I think adding in lesser named talent to the mix is kind of funny, especially BJM and C. Pro *love those nicknames right?*. It's kind of like when you hit up a strip club and that one chubby stripper with the really cheap weave and noxious sparkly body lotion asks you if you want a lap dance and you gracious say, "no thanks, maybe later". Without even the possibility of ever getting a dance from her but you don't want to seem rude. And I mean, chubby and rank, like this fatty must have someone skipped past Victoria's Secret for her lotion and went to Tito's Tacos and got "Cucumber Melon…and Carne Asada" flavored lotion. Plus she has that really nasty dimply ass, like her ass is the bottom of your bathroom floor mat. Like hse has a ‘non-slip' ass. That is what it's like when you BJM and C.Pro think they have a shot of beating Danielson. Bobby Joe Marshall is a dimply ass stripper who smells like Tijuana. File that shit under "FACT" and send that bitch off to wikipedia.
London and Kendrick this past week become the 4th longest reigning WWE tag team title holder in history. Meaning the "e" has forgotten they have held the belt for the past 8 months. Legitimate, non-gimmicky teams aren't supposed to last this long. My guess is they drop the titles soon to someone random, like a debuting Cryme Tyme. After which Cryme Tyme will feud with a new make shift team of Jimmy Yang and Daivari who will change their gimmick to a couple of convenience store owners who are tired of Cryme Tyme loitering in their ring and stealing chips and 40 oz's. They will beat CT with their new double team finisher, the "You Pay, You Go Now".
Do you miss "Wargames"? If so, tune into Lockdown this month. Looks like it'll be the "Christian Coalition" featuring Christian, AJ, and probably Steiner vs Angle, Rhyno, and probably Samoa Joe, or at least that is what it seems like if you watched Impact! last week. They each have one more spot left though. Sting? Abyss? Daniels? Tomko? One would think Sting would join a "Christian Coalition", c'mon, it just makes sense right? So considering Joe, Angle, and Rhyno have nothing in common, the best choice to oppose a "Christian Coalition" has to be… Goldberg right? Oy Vay!!
It is settled!! I am taking a picture with me holding a piece of paper that says, "Yes, this is my real myspace page" and posting that sonvabitch up STAT!! Hey, if Sylvan Grenier can do it…am I any less vital to today's wrestling scene. The answer is ‘no' by the way.
Kevin Nash is just gold. I'm sorry, but he is. I live for Paparazzi production vignettes on youtube now. Sure he's outshining a lot of the X-Division and the focus is more on him than on guys like Sonjay or Petey or some other guys, but the man delivers more in those vignettes than HHH has in the past 2 years since he decided to replace the quality in his promos with quantity. Plus, it's nice to see a "black guy" finally get a good push on TNA without all that dancing.
I realized at "In-n-Out Burger" on Saturday night that once you hit about 25 or older, you start hating teenagers and college students. Not because you're jealous of them being younger than you, but because all you want to do is get something to eat after the bars close so you don't wake up with a hangover or in your toilet the next day. While for the most part they just came back from a "party" where they snuck out a few beers and are "soooooo wasted". Yeah, I could do without them, the only teenagers I want to deal with now are either serving me my milkshake and ‘double-double' or on my porno DVDs.
Jack Evans apparently turned on CIMA over in Dragon Gate in Japan and has joined up with the Muscle Outlawz stable. Bringing the membership, including the occasional and still ‘official' geijin, count up to…1…2…5…carry the 3…95 members. Those crazy Japanese. They basically treat their stables like bullet trains over there. I'm sure there is a Japanese booker whose only job it is to shove people in and close the door.
In other news that is news to me, CIMA and Don Funjii were apparently in an "Eternal Marriage" of sorts last year. No clue what this means, but the Japanese sure have a funny way of saying "Life Partners".
A buddy of mine, we'll call him the "Birdman", mentioned that he thought Christopher Daniels' new look makes him look a bit like Perry Saturn now. My greatest fear is that Daniels is actually being controlled by a ‘dark force' telling him to destroy the X-Division he believes he himself help create. That dark force? El hijo de Moppy. Or Moppy de Muerte…take your pick.
So Keiji Mutoh is NOT planning to work in TNA on his US tour. Too bad, because seeing him on TV again as the full on "Great Muta" character would have been awesome. Wait a second, when Flair drafted the "nWo" back at the beginning of the brand split. Why didn't Muta get included with that. I think that would have been hilarious had Flair thought he was getting Hogan, Hall, Nash, and X-Pac and out sauntered Muta, Vincent, Bryan Adams, and Hogan….Horace that is.
So random question: How hot would a chick's body have to be in order to bone her while she's wearing a luchador mask (let's go with LA Parka the original, no reason, just saying) and not be too totally creeped out to, you know, "hit your finisher"? Just wondering…no reason. And no…I don't have a link to any ‘sites'.
How many of you shed a tear last Monday night when CHRIS BENOIT tapped out to the STFU? Arguably the weakest submission hold since ‘marriage'. Well what did you expect? US Champion is clearly below the WWE Champion, still you gotta wonder how 8 seconds in that weak hold was all it took to take out ‘The Rabid Wolverine'. Well at least Benoit can shake off this embarrassing loss and go back to bigger and better things…like jobbing to MVP at Wrestlemania. *This is about the time where someone queues up "…the day…the music….died"*
Okay, so THIS Edge now admits that 4 years ago he really WAS on HGH. Wow, just…wow. So he was taking Human Growth Hormones and washing it down with Slim Fast? Apparently SI is reporting that Edge took the same HGH as another noted celebrity linked to the scandal. Shocking…just…shocking.
Well DUH, of course Lashley broke a masterlock, how many black guys do you know that don't know how to break one of those things? It's easier than having to climb over a fence right? *Editors note: This is merely a "parody" of a racist joke, hey, works for the "e".*
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Whoever said to "never let them see you sweat" is a freakin' moron...
Ashley and Kane will be on Smallville this week. Kane will be some kind of alien fighter in an phantom zone "fight club" type deal and Ashley will be a prison guard. Yeah, I believe that one. Ashley can't even keep snap shots of her own cooch in safe keeping, let alone whole super powered prison yard. I
Non-wrestling related jibber jabber of the week: I'm curious to know how Nosferatu has managed to not only stave off death for many centuries, but also make it to the top 12 of American Idol. With a Hip new Look for 2007.
For those of you unaware of what kind of futuristic microwave unsafe tights Monty Brown was wearing on ECW, they were actually space pants...because his ass looked out of this WORLD!! *Yeah, I guess it does sound less gay when you use it on a chick*
Plan B
Yep, this random section debuts again because, well, there is no where else to put this little nugget of goodness. But I just wanted to throw this card up here and see what you think:
Teddy Hart vs Jack Evans vs Matt Sydal (Ladder Match)
Genki Horiguchi/YOSSHINO vs Jimmy Jacobs/Tyler Black
"6-Pac" Sean Waltman vs Vampiro (Hardcore War)
"M-Dogg 20" Matt Cross vs Ruckus
Human Tornado vs Scorpio Sky
Nate "Spyder Webb/Josh Abercrombie vs B-Boy/Lil Cholo" vs. Alter Boy" Luke Hawx/"The Anarchist" Arik Cannon vs Kaos/Aaron Aguilera (Tag Team Elimination Match)
"Matt Classic" Colt Cabana vs Joey "Magnum" Ryan
Al Katrazz vs Babi Slymm *Yikes, I know*
THIS is what WSX could have pulled off had they been a legit wrestling fed. I know I would plunk down a good $15 or maybe even $20 to get tickets to watch this. Of course, this is the ‘smark' in me talking, where as other people who could give two and a half shits about Indy wrestling wouldn't waste their time. Still, I think WSX had some potential if it was an actual company that toured. Well, I guess there is no use crying over spilled milk…inside of an exploding coffin containing piranha while covered in barbed wire and lighting tubes.
Pimpin' In High Places
It's that time of the year when everyone goes Wrestlemania crazy. Check out the fine fine columns here at 411 to catch the fever!! Then take a few Benedryl and knock out for about 16 hours. You'll be fine in the morning...some morning.:
WM Ex-Eye-Eye roundtable is in effect. If you thought the "New Breed" was mis-matched, try a hulking Black dude, a Sumo wrestler, and a snake charmer. But where is the vampire??
Fact or Fiction has Vinny Rot vs J-Slimma. I'm tellin' ya, by the time my turn comes back around they will have gone through pretty much everyone on the roster already. Great, they'll probably have to bring back Scott Keith. It'll be the first "Dark FoF Match" in 411 history.
Ask 411 is back in it's proper spot... curtain jerkin' for my column....Whoo HA!!
Jules tops the charts with the Wrestlemania hits you crave. How many involve Pete Rose? It's anyone's guess.
O'Dog has an in depth look at Lashley's rise to prominence. Oh, if Ahmed Johnson were only alive today...
Fink's Payload has the WM debuts that YOU the readers want to see. Well, a few of you readers, I'm sure a larger percentage are hoping the big debuts involve Ashley and a loose slip knot.
Stu makes it through the WSX marathon and lives to tell about it. Or...this is merely a ghost writer and Stu's estate is collecting royalties. Let's just hope Stu's widow wouldn't have to come back to align with his nephew as a heel.
V-Rot is stuck in a timewarp with the eldest Hardy. Meaning somewhere there is a bored German guy combing a greasy white jheri curl.
CoH is brought to you from right here in the good ol' US of A. Too bad the belts aren't. Oh yeah, the yellow man is taking over...the Wii and RoH was only phase 1.
Threat x 3. Just to show the guys I pay attention, I noticed one of the guys, let's say his name is…I dunno…Gean Sarmer, mentioned that the "e" could sign Puma if they wanted a Mexican wrestler. Actually Puma, aka TJ Perkins, aka TAFKA "Pinoy Boy", aka "The Pride of Riverside", aka Evan Karagias (okay maybe not), is actually billed as being from Manila in the Philippine Islands., although he has spent time in Japan and Mexico. Then again, his first name isn't P.I. is it?
HH is a treasure trove of stuff you might not have noticed. Oh yeah, just full of that untapped "booty".
Berman has Joe vs Styles. Which was a far better match than Joe vs The Volcano. Still, I think the Volcano tends to sell a little more believably.
D-Dubya has a double screwjob. Which is $180 depending on which night you get it. Try out the weekday rates for the best deals.
I'm all feisty this week for some reason. Hence why the "leftovers" section had so much, as the Spanish would say, "Sabor". PWG is this weekend, if you're in SoCal then go check it out as Christopher Daniels, SHINGO, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, El Generico, and Human Tornado will be there. Also there is a rumor that Ultimo Dragon will be making a stop at the Inoki Dojo in downtown Los Angeles on Sunday. Speculation is abound as to whether he'll wrestler or just be making an appearance. Either way, it ain't like Lyger or Mistico is showing up to fight him, so unless he thinks he can get a **** match out of the likes of Pikachu, ‘Sexy' Chino, or El Gigante de Skido Marko then my guess is he'll shake some babies and kiss some hands. Looking for some feedback as to what to write about next week since Wrestlemania coverage is in full swing and pretty much every columnist does there own special retrospect and preview of it. So if there is anything that you'd like to see that isn't usually covered, now is the time to speak up. Or…you know… you could just request pics of ‘Hot Latin Bitches'…either/or.
