WRestling’s 3R’s 3.23.07: So Long WSX, TNA Ruins Elevation X, Eugene Looks Like Muta, Masters is a Goof, EL GRANDE LATTE, Elijah Rules and More!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 03.23.2007
Wrestling’s 3R’s are a proud friend and supporter of Richard Cheese.
The 3R's of wRestling
Introduction~!
Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling's 3R's! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks. It is time again for that walk through the wild world of wrestling TV that we take each and every week. Unfortunately WSX is done, but we may still get the finale soon, we'll just have to wait and see. I do have some good news to share with you, I now getting MAVTV and will be checking up with some Deep South Wrestling, the wacky NWA, XCW and whatever else they show! It should be good times. But that's not why we are here, we are here to break down the week in wrestling so let's get to that!
411 on MySpace…
Yeah baby, the rumors are true! Go and check it out @ www.myspace.com/411mania
For those that asked…
What do I think the WrestleMania buy rate will be?It will top 1-million buys, with 710,000 domestic. Bookmark that shit kids.
Dream Match Request…
Matt Classic vs. Curry Man; book that shit!
How the 3R's of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R's. I will take the 5 main shows (6 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~!
This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
iMpact!:
iMpact 3.15.06:
The Right:
Setting Up Lockdown - Jim Cornette kicked off Impact this week in the ring, with the 6-sides of steel up around him. He announced that the main event for Lockdown will be Team Christian vs. Team Angle in a 10-Man Lethal Lockdown Match. Two men start, every 2-minutes another man comes in until all 10-men are in the ring. Like last year's main event for the show, which was expected and overall a fine match to have for the show. Cornette announced that they would have to make their own teams before the PPV, which gives us things to play off the next weeks. Christian would choose first formally announcing AJ as his first man. Angle was seen with Rhino and Joe, who should be announced in the next weeks. This was a good thing here to get the main event out early and build it all the way to the PPV.
puRgatory:
LAX vs. 3D - This was a good match here on Impact this week. I hated that the commercial gutted it, but it was a good match. Alex Shelley fit right in with LAX, and provided a lot of fun. The match was good stuff, Konnan was tremendous on commentary as always, and in the end this was a good follow up from the PPV. But I have to ask, is everything ok with Runt now? Did they do an intervention? Is he regularly attending AA meetings? The last time we saw them together they wanted nothing to do with him, but now everything is OK? A small gripe to an otherwise good segment.
Serotonin - Finally, finally we get some explanation to the Serotonin stable, and it was actually through Raven speaking this week. Raven explained to them, after their complaining that they will go on a journey and adventure into pain. He told his men that it is not about winning and losing and that he wants to inflict psychological damage to their opponents like when their parents beat them as children. The explanation furthers as he tells them that the only way for them to understand is to be the parent. They all then refused to get beat, but took ass beatings from Raven anyway. Raven closed by saying that he will help us no matter if we want him to or not. I think this was a fine segment, and will give it some leniency this week, but these guys need to win and start laying the ass beatings down on people otherwise they are just jobbers with a pretty cool gimmick.
Jerry Lynn vs. Kaz vs. Jay Lethal and Emotionless Daniels sends a message - While I have my issues with the Jay Lethal deal, this was a dandy little bout here; for 3-minutes. It was way too short, again, but it did get across more stuff with Daniels as he once again made an appearance and attacked the men. I may have been too harsh on this at first, as I thought he would jus be tossed back into the X-Division and I thought they were relying on WCW's past with the Sting mask. But this week he used the bat, which leads me to believe that he WILL eventually feud with Sting. I think that the deal is that he has the new personality and is out to kill the X-Division as it is a part of a past he is erasing to move on. The mask and bat as messages to Sting. If this is the case, it could be some really fun stuff.
The wRong:
"10-minutes and 40-seconds"…how convenient - 10-minutes and 40-seconds, that is the time of wrestling on the show this week, again. How nice of them to do that so that I may basically use the same thing from last week. Here is the gist of it, are still failing to live up to the "We Are Wrestling" motto week after week. We saw some small improvements, but it is back to business as normal for them this week. As I have said in the past and will maintain to say as long as needed, they need to offer up as close to as much wrestling time as there are commercials. There are 18-20 minutes of commercials per episode of Impact. So hence forth as I have said, I feel that there should be around 18-minutes of wrestling action per week, minimum on Impact. And that's all I have to say about that.
EY/JB/Roode - I do not need to see a giant brown log on my TV, I just needed to get that out there before we began. Bathroom segments are NOT funny, they suck, please stop TNA! Anyway, as much as I have liked EY in the past and think Roode takes too much crap from people, it's just too much been there and done that to me. For the most part they are confined to the PPV Pre-Show stuff, and when they are on PPV they are taking too much time talking, no action. Hopefully they fix this, and yeah, I want EY's friend to be Jarrett just because that would be fun.
The Ridiculous:
AJ and Rhino - So I really liked the Elevation X match at the PPV. In my 3R's of the PPV, I said that, "This may have been the greatest scaffold match of all time. Of course some people are thinking I said that it WAS the greatest scaffold match, but then again, they can't read. But the facts of the match were this: AJ falls, Rhino stands tall and everyone is happy. They did a great job of selling the injury as AJ laid there and looked dead, making the bump look worse than it really was. They had the security and EMT's come out, put the neck brace on him and stretcher him out. Tenay and West did a nice job of announcing after this, as they didn't go into the over hype mode. They were more subdued and just sold replays of the bump and the shock to the system it could have made. Just solid stuff here by both of them and I needed to mention that because I have slammed them for various things recently. In the end this was way better than anyone could have expected as it had tons of drama and kept the crowd interested, if not scared the entire time.
Now, that all being said follow up of the execution is just as important, if not more important than the initial execution. Impact started out fine with AJ Styles coming to the ring with a neck brace and crutches. He cut a promo, a good promo actually as he has been doing since his heel turn, and said that his neck, back and ankle will never be the same he has been told and it is all due to Rhino. He also said he wouldn't want this to happen to Rhino. He had his cell phone and proclaimed that he hadn't had the heart to tell his wife that there won't be any paychecks or food for the little ones. He then demanded that Rhino call her, which prompted Rhino to make his appearance. He appeared and looked to make young AJ shit his pants, and after a lot of yelling and good chicken shit acting by AJ, they agreed that it was over.
And then they fucked it all up. AJ tried to attack Rhino, eventually got a low blow and started to beat him down because you see, he was actually fine. And not only did they do this, but it went through the commercial break and Cage came into add into it. I hated this for the reason that they took the four weeks of build, the match itself, the great announcing and such after and flushed it down the toilet by doing this. The match, the bump, the announcing; all of it fucked by this. Good job guys, seriously, you couldn't even string this out until the week after? TNA: One Step Forward and Three Steps Back!
Reluctant Macho Lethal - You know, it's funny, people see this angle and think that it is great. "Oh Larry, it's funny! He does a good impression! The people in the Impact Zone love it! He finally has a character!" Sure, it IS funny, I laugh because he is good at it. The impression is pretty dead on. Yes the Impact Zone crowd loves it; there is no denying that. But he doesn't have a character. Unless the character is "Guy with no personality that impersonates former wrestlers reluctantly." I am sure I owe Byers a trademark somewhere in there, but anyway; he has no character, he isn't anymore over than he was as silent/plucky baby face Lethal who would, you know; wrestle. This is lazy booking here, and booking that will lead nowhere. Comedy has its place on a show, but I just can't see them getting any mileage out of this.
SmackDown!: By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks
SmackDown 3.16.06
Hello, friends, and welcome once again to yet another chapter of my life called Good News/Bad News. As I mentioned last week, I did, indeed, head to the legendary Hollywood Derby (which is actually located in not-so-legendary-yet-still-thoroughly-enjoyable-Los Feliz) to see the stunning Richard Cheese and Lounge Against The Machine. And, yes, the show was spectacular. The bad news? Thursday evening I managed to acquire a bit of influenza, and so thus was faced with the dilemma of ignoring my pre-paid, non-refundable $75.00 for a pair of tickets in favor of lying on my couch NyQuil'ed to the Nth watching SmackDown! or tough it out and see the show. Being the trouper that I am, I opted for the latter. Much to my chagrin, it was standing room only, so I got to experience my aching joints and muscles grumbling at me for the entire duration of the show. Thank Benoit for Belvedere martinis…they numb the pain. Of course, as a result, I woke up the next morning sounding like Patti & Selma from The Simpsons, and still do as I type this. Hoo-fuckin-RAW.
If you've not yet checked out Richard Cheese on iTunes, his Myspace or home pages or at Amazon.com, I have to ask…WHY NOT?!
Funny thing…as much as I love the guy's music, I was really unfamiliar with what he LOOKS like, so when I saw him in the rest room before the show, I had no idea it was him. Duh. Oh, well…I'm not one for accosting men in the loo, contrary to what you may have heard. Now, waiting outside at a safe yet discreet distance to create an opportunity to happen to bump into them, maybe…LOL. Leave me alone…it's the NyQuil…
So CW cross branding appears to be in full swing as Ashley and Kane will be appearing on "Smallville", as has Batista in the past. Stay tuned…The Little Bastard as a young Mr. Mxyztplk and Khali as a wayward Bizarro are bound to pop up soon…
The Right:
Next on TV's Bleeps, Bloopers & Practical Jokes – Batista really appeared to be working on all cylinders at the top of the show. The entire first segment, I was reminded of the Batista of yore we all cheered and admired back when he first split away from EVOLUTION. He looked the part in a SWANK suit, still is sporting the men's shades and is still omitting the little whirlybird thingy I hate so much in his entrance, just before he does his simulated turret gun bit with the pyro. Yup, our champion looked to be confident, collected and ready for anything.
Awaiting Big Dave in the ring (next to what looks suspiciously like the Ridiculously expensive Jeritron 2000) was our host, Mike Mizanin. It would seem the recent bitch-whoopings our Miz has recently enjoyed at the hands of The Undertaker have taught him a little respect for The Dead Man, because The Miz suggests that Taker will straight up beat Big Dave's ass. The champ's expression didn't change, but you could see the muscles in his temples begin to pulse, which meant he was clenching his jaw, which meant The Miz had better have remembered to lube up his hole, so as to accommodate a boot with greater facility.
THEN - -
LIGHTS OUT!
THEN - -
Nothing. The Miz apparently paid a guy in the back to shut off the lights to fuck with Batista. I'm still researching the matter, but I think this *MIGHT* be the same guy who was responsible for raising the briefcase on Steve Austin. And, yet again, Big Dave reverts back to WrestleMania 21 Batista, smirking and playing it cool as The Miz is doubled-over laughing…just before, you guessed it, The Miz finds himself doubled-over in the ass end of a Batista Bomb! I still think it'd be cool to see Big Dave snap under the pressure (because, no matter how cool Batista's tried to play this, he's a nervous fucking wreck compared to The Undertaker) and go on a massive ass-kicking rampage, but if we get Batista reverting back to the most quality point of his career, I'm cool with that. However, there is such a thing as playing it too cool, as we'll discuss in a bit…
Heavy is the head that wears the crown – Yes, that was Shakespeare…culture, bitches!!! King Bookah's been looking damn good these last few weeks since that somewhat messy falls count anywhere schmozz against Kane (that was meant more to set up the trail of WrestleMania cat sick that will be Kane/Khali), and tonight was no exception, as he faced none other than the #1 Contender to the WT, The Undertaker.
If I may draw a parallel – If Bookah can have an ugly match against Kane, then turn around a couple weeks later and have a damn near stellar match with his "big brother", then it stands somewhat to reason that Batista, who had a surprisingly damn good match against Kane last week, could very well go on to WrestleMania and have an exceptional outing with The Dead Man. Here's to hoping…!
As for tonight, though, I was initially caught up in the commentary, figuring this would be a stock squash for Taker on his way to claiming a world title at WrestleMania from someone who doesn't shit his pants in the ring (gotta love Sid), but as the bout wore on, I was astonished and pleased to discover that we had a hell of a competitive contest on our hands! Well done, because I do NOT want My Sovereign Lord to be relegated as "former champion" fodder, and outings such as this one will keep him on the forefront of the roster's rankings, where he Rightfully belongs.
This match was brought to you by the letters K, L, MNM – Not much to say here, really. We've seen Brian Kendrick & Paul London versus MNM before and the matches never disappoint, this being no exception. Melina, who actually totally resembles a black cat arching its back, hair standing on end, proved at a couple key moments tonight why she is, without a doubt, a member of her team, actually turning the tide and giving her boys the match with a low blow to London on the sly. Although this match pretty well existed to further the bad blood between Melina & Ashley, I'd love to see MNM challenge London & Kendrick for the WWETTTs at WM, as well. Oh, and nice to Joey Mercury without the facial appliance! Hoo-raw for healing!
It may not be Money In The Bank, but this was hardly small change! – For those of you who may not get why week-in & week-out I am constantly putting over Mr. Kennedy and Matt Hardy, there was a little $ITB3 preview match on SD! tonight that went a LONG way in illustrating my point in both performers' regards.
For those who don't understand the term "telling a story" in the ring, this match was a prefect Exhibit A:
In the opening moments, both men jockey for control, including a nice bit, if somewhat less than crisp, yet effective, chain wrestling, which saw Kennedy come out on top. However, it appears his concentration lapses somewhat allowing Matt to break free and begin his stick-and-move offense, culminating in an awesome, unexpected spear through the ropes, sending both men sprawling to the floor!
Back from break, Kennedy is back in command with a somewhat unorthodox neck vice, apparently utilizing the axiom "control the head, control the body", clobbering Matt with head butts when he struggles to free himself. Matt eventually fights to his feet, however, and is beginning to pull it together when he jams his knee off a middle-buckle double-sledge, Kennedy's sign to go to work!
And go to work he does, torturing the knee of Matt Hardy before settling into an Indian Death Lock! Holy cow, did he not dust THAT sucker off! I haven't seen one of those since before Gorilla Monsoon got his prescription for those rose-tinted glasses! After much suffering, Matt finally manages to roll over and reverse the pressure of the hold, encouraging Kennedy to hit the ropes and force the break. With Matt apparently unable to stand, Kennedy goes for the coup de gras, but Matt is together enough to roll out from underneath the Kenton Bomb and manages to struggle to his feet and still pulls off some believable offense (including a Side Effect) while greatly favoring the leg!
An impressive sequence toward the end as Kennedy heaves Matt over his head, with the intention of dropping the sore knee across his femur, but Matt rolls through, the intention being a Sunset flip; however, Kennedy stands firm and sits on Matt's shoulders, reaching back to hook a leg as he reaches forward to grab a rope as Matt kicks out, Kennedy recovering to deliver a SICK kick to the temple which looks to be all for Matt, but NO, he kicks out!
And so, was it cockiness, desperation or a simple miscalculation that encourages Kennedy to put away Matt with The Green Bay Meatpacker, because Matt still has too much fight in him, wriggles off Kennedy's shoulders and got the one-two-three with The Twist Of Fate!
You see, Matt has become a student in the art of playing "face in peril" without a tag partner. We saw it here tonight in a HUGE win over Kennedy, as well as a few weeks ago when he defeated Joey Mercury in similar fashion (only it was the arm, remember?) to qualify for $ITB3. This kid has improved SO much since returning to WWE, I'm not saying this out of blind mark-ism, his time truly has to be coming…there's simply too much talent and ability going on here. Give him another five years and I'd not be surprised at all to hear the term "ring general" mentioned in the same breath as his name.
As for Kennedy, completely undaunted, he remained steadfast, articulate, confident and focused despite the loss. Simply amazing stuff, the likes of which you will NOT see on Raw, Impact and certainly not on WWECW.
Happy Saint Patrick's Day! – Between Finlay's advice to Bookah with regard to facing Taker (that being, "RUN!") and The Little Bastard's shenanigans with The Delectable Queen Sharmell ("Kiss me, I'm Irish!"), as well as drinking that pitcher of Guinness, it appears as if Finlay and his friend could be on their way to officially being turned face (even though Finlay appearing to aid Bookah against Taker has me wondering about that). Although I'm wary of such a move, because McMahonagement generally enjoy making fools of such characters in such situations, I'm going to stay frosty for now, because I've been wRong in Finlay's and The Bastard's regard in the past. I just wish The Little Bastard would have ripped an enormous, juicy belch after pulling on that delicious-looking stout.
Honoring the honorable – I continue to be soopadoopa impressed with regard to the names being inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. Nick Bockwinkle was a hell of a great wrestler and appears to be renowned the business over as a "class act" by all who knew and worked with him. I literally just watched last night the AWA DVD WWE released and DAYUM was that a HELL of a good time and money well spent. I totally urge any wrestling fan to pick up this DVD…it's the most fun you'll ever have with a history lesson.
To that end, I managed to discover a bit more about Nick Bockwinkle as a result of viewing this DVD and, aside from the hour-long AWA HWT defense between Bockwinkle and Curt Hennig my brother raved about while I was at summer league swim team practice which I never saw (thanks for throwing a tape in the VCR, there, Kev), the rematch on the DVD displays exactly the prowess this performer possessed as a top champion of his day. He also seems to be a hell of a guy when interviewed, the kind of performer who puts the match before himself, and that's what we here at The R's like. Well done for having included Bockwinkle in the Class of 2007.
Also announced was The Devious One Mr. Fuji. I recall the very tail end of his in-ring career and was on board for his entire tenure as a heel manager and this gentleman really knew his stuff. Fuji was an unpredictable character in the ring and was every bit as scary as silly at different times and in different ways. His utility as manager was different than that of Bobby Heenan; when a heel was paired with Heenan, it was to garner immediate heat, however, when a heel was paired with Fuji, it was a proclamation that, UH-oh, this guy's a savage motherfucker and has chosen a manager who reflects his nasty attitude. Although seemingly placid, Fuji was cagey and wicked on the outside, ever ready with his walking stick. I was shocked to hear that he was working in a movie theatre, though…such a shame. I can just see him behind the popcorn stand…that accommodating smile with that "fuck you" glare behind it as he says, "You wan buddah? Heh heh heh" *ZIP* "Now you got buddah. You wan salt?" and then he throws his ceremonial salt in the eyes of the patron as he belly laughs.
Well done, McMahonagement, a solid, solid line up this year thus far!
The wRong:
MVP = LCD – The spirit of The Honky-Tonk Man is alive and well, it's just found its way into the body of a grown black man who enjoys dressing like an elementary school drill team member going by the name MVP. A load of cheap heat here that with someone the charisma of a Guerrero or a Jericho could have pulled off beautifully; however, instead, with MVP, it just felt formulaic, unnatural and forced. El Grande Latte? How about El Jobber Locale? Don't get me wRong, I'm pleased that Chris Benoit FINALLY has a WM role, but if it's just going to be to carry this lump of crap through six minutes of eye-gouging, back-scratching and titty-twisters before Benoit drops the UST, I'd just as soon have him chill in Atlanta with Nancy and enjoy a night off.
Daivari just took a Big Gulp – I can't do any better than JBL's line, so I'm lifting it. (Speaking of JBL, hey, cowboy, when HBK turns his back…DUCK! LMMFAO!) I was going to put this in puRgatory, but my indifference has evolved into disgust in this regard. Daivari has little purpose as a wrestler and Khali has less than that. I like Kane, always have, always will, but he invariably gets dragged into situations that, for sports entertainment, come off as completely corny, despite his best and committed efforts. Here's your Exhibit A. Now if we actually saw Kane spear that meathook through Khali's Right eye, hook it through his left socket then yank the chain and rip Khali's face off his skull at WM, why then the PPV would be money well spent. Other than that, though, I really don't give a fragrant, flowery fart.
How the mighty have fallen…in the course of two hours – Part of the reason I was focusing on the commentary of the main event was because, with Batista seemingly channeling his old self and making an unexpected stop by the commentator's desk, I thought we were sure to see some shit fly. Alas, NO. As a matter of fact, Big Dave seemed to have had his Gatorade spiked backstage with a Costco-sized bottle of Robutussin. What the fuck? Taker's Right there and he manages to take a break from muttering intermittently into the headset to hobble to his feet and…glare. From behind sunglasses…what is this School For Scoundrels? Big disappointment on the part of the World Champ in this regard.
The Ridiculous:
Nothing!
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RAW!:
Raw 3.19.07:
The Right:
Hyping the Battle of the Billionaires/Umaga vs. Eugene - Once again, not my cup of tea per say kids, but they are doing an excellent job of building this match. They had Lashley break the Masterlock challenge, good step, and he was triumphant and the crowd was happy. And then Vince went into his "Evil Owner" playbook and had security escort him from the building, because EVIL was afoot~! Vince started his EVIL stick up the ass walk and Eugene bumped into him. Wrong place, wrong time and wrong man Eugene. Vince decided that he would have a match later, ad I think we all knew what was about to happen. Eugene would face Umaga, as the barber set was brought ringside. Umaga killed him quick right and in a hurry, the way it should be, and then the fun began. They strapped Eugene to the chair and Vince, in the most demented mode began cutting his hair. As he did so he yelled about that this was like cutting Trump's hair and everyone here's hair. It was psycho Vince at his finest. Umaga continued to look like the killer he is and it really was just more solid build for the match.
The coolest this about this is that Eugene looks like The Great ‘FN' MUTA now~!
Actually, I would have preferred that they left his hair cut halfway done and just written him off of TV. Then they could shave him bald, put him in a singlet, get Rob Conway out of the mothballs and reunite the Lords of the FN Ring to help rebuild the tag division. But that would have been too much to ask for, as it is, they did a fine job pushing this angle, an angle that will get them a ton of buys.
puRgatory:
Opening Talky Bit (™Furious) - I thought this was a load of fun. JBL is nothing short of great on the mic and his promo did a good job of putting attention on the WWE Title match. It also played with HBK's mind a bit, making him doubt himself to a degree that he hasn't since HHH went down with injury, so very effective. Sure we all saw the superkick coming, but it was still great. In the end though I had some issues, damn I know you hate hearing that. It really lays in the whole bait and switch. Sure the "smart" or Internet fan knew that JBL was not wrestling, but many people did think that he was going too. This was false advertising, I really hate that. Also don't give me card subject to change horseshit. They advertised it up and until he stepped foot out of the limo. Sure I would rather hear JBL talk than wrestle, but I am not down with the B&S.
Lashley breaks the Masterlock - We can debate all day long if Bobby Lashley is deserving of the push that he is getting, but it doesn't matter. The fact is that they have made him the new chosen one. And in all honesty they are booking him well. There had been some debate on, "Who should break the Masterlock" for a while now. I will say this; this was the right man, the right place and the right time to do it. They need to take every chance and take every booking tool that they have available to them to get him over as the big star for this match, and they did it. Simple really, strongman says you cannot break my unbreakable hold, another strongman says yes I can and does. The crowd likes it and the job is done. Hoorah. But there is one point I want to make, and it is a point that I have been making for a while now. Chris Masters is a goof. He has been booked like a goof, when he wins (rarely) it is a goofy fluke and even some of the challenges have been goof like, with "sort of" wins. While some think it doesn't matter, we can also look back two times to see the hold broken. The one WM pre-show battle royal and the troops show. Some will say it is nit picking, but facts are facts, it was broken. Add to the fact that he almost never won with it and it was a manufactured thing that never got to the importance that it should have. The crowd popped pretty well, but WWE shot themselves in the foot with poor and lazy booking, that really could have led to a much bigger moment had Masters been booked as truly dominating.
Hardy vs. Orton - This was a rather shitty match. I know it wasn't long, but it just didn't seem to jell at all for me. It was disjointed and at the end of it, I had no desire to watch these two men have a singles match anytime soon. So that was the bad part. But there was good in this folks, never fear. First of all I actually liked the DQ/No-Contest of the match. They have been doing matches with the guys in the Money in the Bank Match and are basically having clean finishes. I pretty much hate the cross brand matches BEFORE WM and that we are seeing clean results in the matches. This leaves us with some mystery and also helps Hardy, who has been looking weak as of late. Also they are playing the angle between Edge and Orton really well from week to week, so that is another bonus. This was a sub par match, but had some good angle development.
Last Chance Battle Royal - This was a fun idea to play into the above-mentioned Orton vs. Edge feud. They are now trying to screw each other and the eminent blow up should be pretty hot if they can follow up on the good booking. Also the booking of Edge as the swarmy heel who faked the injury was old school, simple yet very effective. You saw it coming, but were still pissed when it happened. But there was some bad here. Also with Flair tossing Carlito, he gets revenge for Carlito causing him to get pinned the week before, some nice continuity. While I do complain about the cross brand stuff before the match, why were the Raw guys the only guys to get a second chance? It goes away from the logic that they have set forth already. And then there was the ending. I am a huge Flair mark, but am also ready to admit when he doesn't look good, and the end of the match; looked bad, really bad. Almost pathetic really. While Flair can still pull the rabbit from the hat from time to time, I am really hoping he transitions to a managerial role soon.
Cena vs. Benoit + Mind Games; no, not the PPV… - So here we had the main event of the show, some more WrestleMania reversal. WWE Champion John Cena vs. WWE US Champion and former World Champion Chris Benoit. All in all this was a recipe for success. What we got was a solid 6-minute affair, we'll talk more about that below. After the match HBK and Cena teased landing finishers on each other, and the mind games were in full effect. JBL then returned and said next week we would have a No Way Out rematch of HBK and Cena vs. Taker and Batista. This bitch will break down and we will have a FN DONNY BROOK with a finisher buffet to boot. But yeah, I have a problem with it in the end. They pulled this WrestleMania reversal deal, an opponent from HBK's WrestleMania past. They choose the current US Champion, a man that beat HBK and HHH in what is regarded as one of the best WrestleMania matches of all time and you have him lose, clean as a whistle in 6-minutes? Seriously 6-minutes? I actually have no problem with Benoit tapping to the STFU, I have no issues with John Cena, the biggest star in the company going over the US Champion clean. I just have an issue with it being such a throwaway match. It was a good 6-minute affair, and the teases afterwards were great and all, but as I explained, I had issues here.
The wRong:
Melina vs. Candace and other shit - In another episode of, "Why try to have a actual women's division" we have Melina and Candace working off of their SHOOT COMMENTS from toe web and such. In actuality Candace is proud to have posed in Playboy, and is insulted that Melina is talking shit on Playboy models. This led to the final straw in a blood feud, no not Tampax on a pole, the dreaded BRA AND PANTIES MATCH~! In actuality it made Candace look smart, because Melina is talking shit on women who have taken their clothes off, so having her stripped on Live TV would be a tremendous embarrassment. The match was blah for the most part, and Melina got the win. Ashley would make her way out to the ring and ripped Melina's top off. And then shit gets just stupid. Khali makes his way out, Melina runs and he grabs Ashley to chokeslam her. Kane isn't there to do anything or build their angle, so Lawler runs in, saves Ashley, who is way too old for him, and takes a sloppy ass tree slam. And if shit couldn't get any worse than THAT…Todd Grisham (TCS) came out to commentate. I must have wronged someone in a past life to have to sit through that segment.
The Ridiculous:
Nadda~!
ECW on Sci-Fi!:
ECW on Sci-Fi!: 3.20.07:
The Right:
The Original FN Sheik to the Hall of Fame! - Dusty, Hennig, Lawler, Bockwinkle, Mr. Fuji and now THE SHEIK~! As I have said in the last few weeks, thus far I am really enjoying the Hall inductions. As they did a good job of showing through the video package, The Sheik was hardcore before people knew what the hell hardcore was; he was just a crazy motherfucker. I think that the Sheik is a perfect induction, and it also is something I speculated on a while back since they have Sabu and RVD there. Sabu can induct him and all will be well. Also, I loved the fact that they did not announce this on Raw, but that they waited for the ECW show to do it. It is a nice thought to do so, being that he WAS Hardcore as I said before it was called that, and that he trained Sabu and RVD. Good stuff there I thought.
Punk vs. Holly…and little bit of help from my friends… - This week on ECW we had a very special rematch. Punk vs. the first man to defeat him one on one Bobcore "Imma gonna fuck your rookie ass up" Holly. They had a dandy little bout, much like their last encounter. Things were going along well, and then Elijah Burke, who had been watching on, made his way to the ring to distract the referee, and Punk. Young Elijah you see has been attempting to get Punk to see the light that is the New Breed and join them. Punk has been reluctant, but not confrontational about it. Well and Young Elijah had then distracted, Kevin Thorn came to the ring and got some whiplash on Holly, allowing Punk to nail the Go2Sleep for the win. Also I need to say, Punk, do NOT use the Go2Sleep on bigger guys, it looked like shit. But that was that, and Punk looked annoyed, but obviously took the chance and the win. Later on Young Elijah and Punk had a meeting. Young Elijah once again pressed the power of the New Breed, and what they could possibly do for Punk in the Money in the Bank match. Solid match, solid angle progression and overall I liked it a lot.
Lashley kills a bitch! - While some will think that I hated the Masterlock challenge deal, which I really didn't I just feel it wasn't as effective as it could have been, with the way Masters has been booked this was the perfect thing to do. Lashley, whether we like it or not is THE MAN right now as far as the big push goes. He should be winning, going over and destroying people rather easily. Sure having a 20-minute match with Orton was dumb because it sucked, yet made sense as Orton is a former World, IC and Tag Champion. Chris Masters had accomplished jack and shit in WWE, henceforth he should have he ass whooped rather easily. And he did that. Lashley basically dominated Masters and pinned him clean as hell. Lashley looks good, Masters did the job, his job here and I suspect that this could be the end of Mr. Masters, considering that the only thing of any value, the Masterlock Challenge, is gone as well. So long dude.
puRgatory:
Getting close to burning it out before WrestleMania… - Or the New Breed vs. The Originals. I talked about this last week, and that they have been running dangerously close to burning this feud out before the big pay off match. As I pointed out in last week's column, these 8-men are scheduled to do battle at WrestleMania. They have already done a lot of matches in various tag formulas, and prior to that they did different versions of singles matches. They have really exhausted the match ups going into WrestleMania, and that isn't a good thing. So this week we had two encounters involving the New Breed vs. The Originals. First of all it was Sabu, sporting Daivari's gear and RVD vs. Cor Von and Thorn. They had a fine match, nothing special, but nothing bad; average, but that is a good thing. The thing from this match, and I will agree with JD here was the SICK Pounce that Sabu took. I mean, it wasn't so much he taking a bump as it was Cor Von KILLING him with it. It was tremendous and has to go into the opening credits STAT. New Breed 1, Originals 0. Then we moved onto a fresh match at least in the whole deal, and it also played off of last week, which was Burke vs. Dreamer. It was not anything special, but it was a fun little deal and Burke took the win with what seems to have been dubbed "The Elijah Express" by some. This is revenge for Dreamer having the gall to win a match last week. I feel that next week the Originals will have the big ass whooping party to make them look great before Mania, and then they lose. I really with the New Breed would have had a hit list so to speak, taking out Stevie, Balls, Nunzio…I guess that is it to really kick this thing off and delay some of the matches here, all in all it has been fine, but they are starting to burn me out to the point that I have no desire to see their WrestleMania 8-man match.
The wRong:
NADDA~!
The Ridiculous:
Snitsky - I do not now, nor will I ever give a flying fuck about Snitsky. I appreciate the attempted make over, but no about of squashes will make me consider him a threat, or even a good wrestler, and I am not talking about in ring technique per say, the overall package is what I mean. As I wrote last week, maybe if they would have started with him doing squashes at the beginning I could have gotten into this. Or maybe if he had never been brought up to the main roster when he was and he debuted now I could get into the character, but I just can't do it. He doesn't look scary really, just ugly with bad steroid acne. I am not buying him as a threat, I am not buying the character. He is there because he is big, Afa trained him and Vince has his fetish. I expect a world title run for him, joy.
Something Interesting - As I discussed Tuesday in the news it appears that after WrestleMania the ECW Originals are all but finished. Management has been hard on Sandman in the WWECW run because they don't think, "he is over like he used to be." We also all know that besides the cane and beer, that the biggest part of the gimmick was the "Enter Sandman" entrance music, which WWE refused to pay for. Does anyone find it ridiculous that they have been spending 10's of thousands of dollars on music rights for the Extreme Expose, who will never sell a ticket, but refused to work out a deal with Metalica for Sandman?
Reader Rant Time!
From Geoff D. on Cena vs. Benoit -
Cena and Benoit was promoted for a week as a special WrestleMania Role Reversal Match. It was a good idea in theory, pitting two tough faces against each other in a fresh match up, but it didn't work for me. The match needed 12 minutes AT LEAST. After being billed for at least a week it got, what, 5 minutes, give or take?
What I had an even bigger problem with was Benoit tapping out. Benoit would never tap out, period. Let alone in 5 minutes. He would pass out from the pain before he would tap out. Also, as much as the STFU is a brutal submission hold, Cena is not highly regarded as a technical wrestler. I realize we're supposed to suspend disbelief to a certain degree but to have him match up against a legendary technical wrestler and make him tap out in 5 minutes just isn't believable to me.
This made what was a good idea on paper, the WrestleMania Role Reversal, a bad one. Although a fresh match, I consider my a very knowledgeable wrestling fan (I've been so for over 20 years), I cannot invest emotionally into a match that just does not have a believable outcome.
Building up Cena to have him make HHH tap out at WrestleMania last year in a long, well-planned match with excellent buildup is one thing. But Benoit is the Rabid Wolverine. He would NEVER tap, especially in 5 minutes with heatless buildup.
I'm not, nor have I ever been a Cena-hater, unlike many fans in the male demographic for that period of time when their boos drowned out the female cheers. I like Cena and I understand the need to keep him strong going into WrestleMania. So give him the win over Benoit in a good ***+, 15 minute main event. That shouldn't have been too much to ask.
Anyway, there's my take Larry. Take care.
From Manu on Raw -
Benoit tapping to Cena's STFU was WRONG. like I said, after some thought, I realized that Cena has made everyone tap to it (including god himself, HHH), but still, it felt wrong. And my roommate, who doesn't read the net, except for the random news items I send him, was the first to say "this better not happen........F***!" I know Benoit's role is to be good, and teach future generations, and Cena's role is to be the future generation, but it still felt wrong seeing Benoit tap to that abomination of a move. They could've easily had HBK go to superkick Cena, miss, and hit Benoit, giving Cena the win. sure, HBK teasing it "builds tension" but the tension is already built, pulling the trigger this week (and having him miss) could've helped next weeks show just as much, and WM, and not made Benoit look weak....oh well, like I said, makes sense that Benoit would tap to it since HHH did, but it doesn't make it feel any less wrong.
From Joseph on Raw -
RIGHT-
Masterlock Broken:
Bobby Lashley is representing Donald Trump on the biggest wrestling night of
the year. That being said, he has to be build up well, and he has so far.
The Masterlock Challenge was another good move to help build up Lashley's
credibility. The Masterlock has not been broken in two years, w/the
exception of a few loopholes, so it just seemed right to have Bobby try.
Masters puts the lock in, Lashley struggles for a bit, the crowd is behind
Lashley, and he breaks it. The crowd then goes nuts and Masters can't
believe that Lashley broke the Masterlock. This was well played into
Bobby's favor going into WrestleMania and for getting under McMahon's skin.
(Unfortunately, what's Masters gonna do now since there's no real reason to
have the challenge anymore?)
98% of Cena vs. Benoit:
The match wasn't too long, but Raw is not really known for long main events,
so with what they had, they did well. As far as I know, I haven't seen
these two face each other, so it was nice to have a different match instead
of the same thing over again. The action was good and there was a tease on
the outside w/ Michaels. Benoit 's sharpshooter on Cena was a little
sloppy, but no big deal. Cena won, as it was expected, but that didn't
bother me. What got me was the last 2%.
PURGATORY-
MITB battle royal:
Edge has to be in a battle royal to reclaim his spot as he might lose it to
the others involved in the match. While the match was decent in it's own
right, what was really the point? Who seriously didn't see that Edge would
win this? And, when Edge 'supposedly' had a leg injury and crawled to the
outside, you might has well ring the bell and declare Edge the winner,
because we knew where this was going. Edge was not going to lose his spot,
so this match, while good, was just filler.
WRONG-
Last 2% of Cena vs. Benoit:
...Benoit tapped...to the STFU...WTF?!? Cena was going to win, that or
Shawn would interfere, and that's fine. But, to have Benoit tap to the
STFU, and in a shorter time than when Cena was in the sharpshooter, was just
stupid. It's like HHH beating Bret Hart w/ a submission, or Hulk Hogan
beating Sting w/ a submission. It doesn't make sense. If Cena would have
won w/ the F-U, then it makes sense. The problem was that this just didn't
present itself in a way that adds up, and completely takes away from Benoit,
an accomplished technical wrestler, when he deserves a better finish. I
fear for his match against MVP at WrestleMania.
HBK vs. JBL...oh wait, scratch that:
So, JBL comes in and protests about not wrestling when he doesn't want to,
HBK adds his two cents, and then we get a superkick that even a blind man
could have seen coming a mile away. So, the match announced becomes a 10-minute talkfest instead. Nothing like time being wasted.
RIDICULOUS-
Vince the barber:
Umaga beats Eugene in a squash, so that's that. However, Vince comes down
and straps Eugene to a chair before shaving his head. Of all the people to
do it to, it's Eugene? And, on top of that, Vince looks like a nutball of a
barber, ranting on about cutting everyone's hair, including Trump's. While
Vince might have been trying to prove a point, he instead looked like an
utter idiot who was trying too hard and obviously had some kind of haircut
fetish obsession. Truly sad.
