The Ominous Thoughts News Report 3.25.07
Posted by Sam Caplan on 03.25.2007
All the latest news, I open up the mailbag once again, the latest in the wacky interview adventures of Kurt Angle, and stuff about STEROIDS!
Well, the big Sunday is next weekend, so this weekend it looks like you're stuck reading my column. But we're going to have BIG fun today, so let's start by talking about Vince McMahon's favorite subject...STEROIDS!
The Real News
This week's top story is the continuing saga of the 2007 WWE steroid scandal. Last week, Kurt Angle was named as having received steroids while working for WWE, and this week, a few more names came out. Perhaps the most interesting name on the list was Eddy Guerrero, who recieved prescriptions for steroids in early 2005. As we all know, he died in late 2005 due to complications from an enlarged heart which was said to be caused, at least in part, by steroid abuse. Granted, there were other factors such as the drugs and drinking, but the steroids weren't doing him any favors. I hate to be the one who says this, but it makes it a little harder to feel sorry for Eddy Guerrero after this came out. Don't get me wrong, it's great that he was able to kick the drugs and alcohol (if he really was), but it seems we only got part of the story when he died, because they conveniently omitted the steroid use. Of course Chavo and Vicki weren't going to say anything because they need the paychecks, but just think about how much less sympathy Eddy's death would have gotten if we were told "Eddy had not touched drugs or alcohol for four years, but he was doing steroids the whole time" instead of just "Eddy had not touched drugs or alcohol for four years." Eddy got off the drugs and alcohol because he knew the damage they were causing his body in addition to his personal life, yet stayed on the steroids despite knowing damn well the potential for damage they have. Sorry to say it, but I'm a little less sympathetic to his situation after finding that out.
Aside from Guerrero, it also came out that Rey Mysterio, Edge, and Gregory Helms all received prescriptions for these steroids. Edge was forthcoming in basically saying "Yeah, I did steroids and I admitted as much on TV years ago." Helms also had a statement defending himself, but Mysterio has remained silent. However, another interesting case is Randy Orton, who received eight different prescriptions for six different steroids between March and August of 2004. Listen, I know that steroids have legitimate medical uses, but eight prescriptions for six different steroids? That seems to me like a lot of damn steroids. And one look at Randy Orton thrown in with the memory of one incident on Raw some time back when Vince told a rahter skinny looking Randy Orton that he needed to get back in the gym, and...well, you do the math. Not that I'm making any accusations or anything.
Vince McMahon was said to be incredibly upset that this got out, and seemed to be trying to spin it into a "It's none of your damn business and how dare you ask" response, but WWE did release the following statement:
All of the allegations set forth in a recent SI.com article mentioning WWE predate the initiation of WWE's current Talent Wellness Program. This WWE program prohibits the use of performance enhancing drugs, as well as other prescription drugs which can be abused, if taken for other than a legitimate medical purpose pursuant to a valid prescription from a licensed and treating physician. For purposes of WWE's policy, prescriptions obtained over the Internet and/or from suppliers of prescription drugs from the Internet are not considered to have been given for a legitimate medical purpose.
While a legitimate response, that's a total copout statement. I would not be at all surprised to find out what we all pretty much knew: that Wellness was something devised in the wake of Eddy Guerrero's death to keep the outside influences from taking control of the situation, then once the heat was off things mysteriously got quiet. Nobody's been getting pulled from any PPVs lately, have they? One look at Batista and Bobby Lashley tells you all you need to know, especially considering how...unimpressive Batista looked when he first got back to TV. Randy Orton's been pulled from all his upcoming media appearances, which seems like an odd thing to do if his situation was totally legitimate. Oh, and the strangest thing, there was a ton of Wellness tests given at the Smackdown/ECW taping this past week. Is there anyone out there who honestly doesn't believe that this was done so they could say "See, look! We're still doing the testing and we're doing it real good!"
Bottom line, Wellness is a joke and we all know it. Stuff happens every now and then when somebody needs to be made an example of, but that's it. Once the heat was off from Eddy Guerrero's death, it went in the direction we all knew it would. What a fucking joke.
The Other News
WWE
WWE announced that Wrestlemania 24 will take place in the Amway Arena in Orlando, Florida on March 30, 2008.
Oh boy, my least favorite state! I'll buy the PPV, thanks.
William Shatner will induct Jerry Lawler into the WWE Hall Of Fame, while Wade Boggs will induct Curt Hennig and Afa and Sika will be inducted by their sons Samu and Rosey.
I hope Shatner monkeyflips Lawler again just for old times sake. I don't watch baseball so I don't care about Wade Boggs, but I thought they should have had Umaga induct the Samoans and just come on stage and go "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! SAMOA WABA!!!!!!"
TNA
Jeff Jarrett is expected to return to TV in late Spring or early Summer.
He will win the World Title in a surprise main event his first night back and then hold the title for 345872345892374 years before dropping it to AJ Styles again. Seriously, I wonder what kind of reaction his return's going to get? People weren't too sad to see him go, but it's been a while, maybe if he doesn't come back to the same tired old act (or push himself back to the main event) people will actually want to watch him this time.
As of right now, it appears that there will be no angle to explain the changeover from NWA titles to TNA titles. Christian Cage is expected to relinquish the NWA World Title and be rebranded as the TNA World Champion, and the NWA World Title will be put on the line in a non-televised tournament.
That's too bad, because I would have loved to have seen Bryan Danielson come on TNA, stretch the fuck out of Christian and take the NWA Title, then say "See ya!" and walk out of TNA with the title. Not that there was ever a chance in hell of that happening, but you have to admit it would have been cool. More realistically, I was hoping to see some kind of angle to explain the changeover, even if it wasn't a redo of the ECW "throw down the belt" angle, but if they'd prefer to do it with minimal interruption of TNA storylines, that's their decision.
Everything Else
KENTA and Naomichi Marufuji will make their return to ROH on 5/11 in Hartford, CT and 5/12 in New York City.
I love these guys. I admit I wasn't too hot on KENTA at first when he came in and just started beating all the top ROH guys because I thought it made them look bad, but after he lost to Danielson, I calmed down on him. I love Marufuji, though, and especially thought his own matches against Nigel McGuinness and Bryan Danielson were spectacular. I'm there both nights.
Brock Lesnar will make his MMA debut on 6/2 in Los Angeles and will fight Korean Hong Man Choi.
To give you an idea of what Lesnar's going to be up against, here is a link to a video of Hong Man Choi fighting Sylvester Terkay, who has at least as impressive a collegiate wrestling background as Lesnar and a far more impressive MMA background. I take two things away from this video:
1)I hope I never have to fight Sylvester Terkay.
2)Brock Lesnar better be training.
Hulk Hogan was on the Bubba The Love Sponge Radio Show this week saying that he was considering starting a legends wrestling tour.
I think we should all know better than to take anything Hogan says on Bubba The Unofficial Hulk Hogan Promotional Tool Show seriously, but this in particular. What legends is he going to have access to besides Brian Knobbs, Jimmy Hart, and Brutus Beefcake? Actually, I'm sure he can dig up Neidhart and Bundy too. Seriously, this is a really stupid idea and I highly doubt that Hogan's willing to risk his own rapidly dwindling name on it. He's having a hard enough time getting McMahon to take him seriously anymore.
The Anglebolic Adventures Of Kurt Angle!
Your favorite interview subject and mine, Kurt Angle, was back at it this week in an interview with FORMER 411 WRITERand current CBS Sportsline writer Sam Caplan. Here's what he had to say, and what I had to say to what he had to say:
On his neck: "I have a great doctor, Dr. Jho in Pittsburgh. He's the one who saved my career. The reason why I'll get passed for fights is that I never had fusion. I had minimally invasive surgery. All they do is cut out the problem; in other words, if a disk gets jammed and it's blocking the nerves to my arms and I can't raise my arms because my nerves are blocked, he'll go in and he'll clip out just a couple millimeters so that nerve is open again and the passageway to my arm is fine, and I'm able to utilize my arm again."
That's all well and good, but unlike the people who have had the fusion surgery, he's had to go back in for more surgery a few times since the initial procedure. Wrestling is a very physical way to earn a living, but it's also a work. If he has to keep going and getting fixed up and still work a drastically reduced schedule to keep from getting crippled, I think that slipping into MMA on a technicality is a really stupid idea because the people there will actually be trying to mess him up.
On people thinking he is using MMA for attention: "I would never say something that I wasn't going to do. Whoever's criticizing me must not know me. I won an Olympic gold medal with a broken neck and I'm 100 percent healthy now. I think it will be hell of a lot easier for me to fight a fight with my neck healthy than with a broken neck."
I don't care what he says, he's not 100% healthy. If he was, he'd still be wrestling like he was in 2003-2004 and would most likely still be working for WWE. He first used MMA to draw attention away from his TNA negotiations and now uses it as a topic to get him interviews.
On when he will start training: "I'm not going to start training until I sign," Angle said. "I don't have to fight. I could retire in the next few years. I'm fine financially. Although, I do want a big paycheck when I fight because I'm putting myself at risk, I'm putting my career at risk and also, I don't think anyone in mixed martial arts has seen anyone like me, especially being an Olympic gold medalist in wrestling. I'm just going to look around, I'm going to look for just not the highest deal, but what's what I feel is the best opportunity for me. I don't want just a one-fight deal. I want to be involved in the company for years to come. I want to fight continuously as long as I can and still be involved with the company afterward."
It's true that he's probably financially secure right now, but he's correct that he would be putting himself in grave risk by doing a pro fight, and I think his first fight would be his last. He's too broken down for one, but even if he wasn't he's also past his athletic prime, and I don't think he'd be able to keep up with these people who have years of experience and do it for a living.
On the story that he took down Brock Lesnar: "You know, I took (former NCAA Division I wrestling champion turned WWE wrestler) Brock Lesnar right out of college, who's a national champ, and I was out of wrestling for I think six or seven years, and I beat the crap out of him," Angle said. "I thought 'Wow, I've been out of wrestling for a while now' and god, this guy weighs 310, and I only weighed about 228 at the time. I know I still have it. I just need to get back training."
This I can believe, because Olympic wrestling is a totally different level than the NCAA. It'd be like taking a Division I college wrestler and throwing him on the mat with a high school wrestler, it's just a total mismatch. But I think he'd do well to wait and see how well Lesnar does in his fight against the Big Bad Korean before going down that avenue again.
I LOVE FEEDBACK!!!
Plenty of feedback this week, so let's kick it off with an email from James Giles:
Hey Stuart, always a good read. My question to you is if Bust is a Shangri-la or Eden type of place, why the hell would anyone hitch hike to any other destination? Instead of Portland or Bust, shouldn't a sign read Bust or wherever the second choice is? Of all the wacky places to visit in this country (like the city that has the world's largest ball of string and that kind of second rate tourist stop) how many people do you think would visit a place called Bust? I'm sure a fair amount would. You'd have to find some small, unassuming town that would be willing to change it's name to Bust and put some kind of shopping mecca or other desirable attraction to get the visitors to spend money to make the name change viable or profitable enough to make it worth everyone's time, but if people will pay to see some caves in Virginia, they'll go to Bust.
Hm, the Bust Shopping Center? I'd totall go there. It can't be worse than the White Plains Galleria, which brings me to my next letter, from Frank Sullo:
Despite the fcat that I don't often correspond with 411 writers (well other than my boy Dino)
I read your wsx wrapup and had to write when you mentioned Yonkers Raceway. Do you live around here?
anyhow I agree with what you said about wsx, most of these guys will never get a shot in the big league. It's kind of sad to see the end of XPW guys, cuz I liked XPW, in spite of its crappines ( or maybe thats whay I liked it,, or because it was our big local promotion when I lived in Cali)
It sucks that another try at cutting into Vince has fallen short due to being on the wrong network, MTV which may as well change its name to RTV (reality tv,cuz thats all they show now)
Yes, I do live around here. You're right, it does suck that another alternative has fallen by the wayside, but if nothing else it pushed Vince into actually doing something with ECW instead of stagnating the way it had been before the ECW Originals vs New Breed feud started. Let's hope it continues after Wrestlemania.
From Christopher Pineo:
"face the Cartel. No, I don't mean Mahkan Singh, Rip Rogers, Scott Anthony and Cactus Jack"
GWF, I think Max Andrews evil stable.
How many points I get?
All of them, you were the first and only person to answer correctly!
One of my overseas correspondents checks in:
Hi Stuart,
after reading your last "Ominous Thougths" I thought I'd drop you a few lines about your idea to rent spaces in graveyards.
Here in Germany thats actually how it is done on almost every christian and/or athiest graveyard. When someone dies, his or her relatives lease the grave for a yearly fee. After (usually) fifteen years, they are asked if they want to prolong the contract for another five to ten years. When this time is up, the remains of the coffin and body are being exhumed, cremated and brought to anonymus gravesides, often "Friedwälder" (in lack of better words "graveforrests"). The tombstones can either be picked up by the relatives (because thats something you actually have to buy) or are going to be shredded to grit.
Due to this practice, seperate graveyards for muslims and jews are needed, because their religions don't allow a grave to be disturbed.
Older graves (like you said, from the 19. century or older) on the other hand cannot be handled this way. This is because the deal with the people burried there was, that their remains would stay there forever. Most of these are under monument protection anyway.
On a history note: this practice was ruled official after World War 2, when graveyard space started to become really rare (even in mass graves), due to epidemics, starvings, soldiers and civillians succumbing to injuries and suicides (for example, in Berlin alone fourthousand girls and women commited suicide in 1945 after being raped by soviet soldiers).
Like I said, I just thought you'd find that interesting. Anyway, keep up the great work, your stuff is always a good read.
Einen schönen Tag noch (Have a nice day)
Florian
See, what do I tell you people about those fucking commies? Blame it on AJ Styles. But regardless, that's really interesting because it was just something that floated through my mind, I never imagined anyone would ever actually do it. Makes sense when you have that kind of body count, though. Japan had it easy, all the dead people there just vaporized when the bombs dropped, so they didn't have any bodies to worry about. That's a good thing because they're hurting for space a lot worse than you guys are. Then again, they did have to deal with all those people who were affected by the radiation and grew extra heads and burst into bright green flames and flew away and stuff. But I digress. BTW, you Germans have incredibly hot women, so if you have any pictures of naked German women, please send them to me. You people fucking rule, especially since you fucked the French up. Rock on.
Robert P thinks I'm working him:
Ah, the wonder that is youtube. I just watched the Savage/Roberts cobra bit on a large screen with frequent pauses, and it is irrefutable that that cobra was totally defanged. There is a shot (in closeup, too) where you see the snake's mouth sliding around Savage's arm, which is quite impossible if a cobra's fangs had actually sunk in. Also, there was no blood. Maybe you knew all this and roped me in; if so, kudos. You told a GREAT story, which is what made me want to see the actual bit.
Keep up the good work.
Um, look again dude, Savage was bleeding, and it wasn't the kind of bleeding you see when someone blades. Trust me on this one, he really did get bit and the cobra was not defanged. Roberts has gone on record as saying he couldn't get the snake off of Savage and had to try and get it off of him while trying to make it look like he wanted it to keep biting him.
Dave Rindone, however, is a true believer:
You know, I was wondering when someone was going to cover that one! I remember the scene like it was yesterday because, one minute you were a regular Joe wrestling fan sitting happily at home watching your cartoon version of the WWF and the next second you were witnessing a crime scene unfold.
As a back-story, I grew up going to WWWF shows with my Dad at the Boston Garden and I've kept an eye one the "E" for a good long time after that. My son and I regularly attend Chaotic (a feeder fed based in the area) Wrestling cards to keep the tradition alive. The funny part is that, at the time of the snakebite incident, I was at a personal low point and nothing really jolted me out of the haze I was in back then. Then...bang, I actually got up off my couch and began to call the cable company to cancel the next PPV out of protest.
Bravo to Vince (the mastermind), Jake (the truly evil heel) and Savage (the helpless, heroic face) for actually having the brass to pull it off. I'd say the closest thing to that was when Shawn Michaels collapsed around 1995 during his match with Owen Hart.
Keep up the great work and always believe!
You know what's funny, that was one of the first WWF angles I ever saw when I started watching, and it has always stuck with me, especially the way they censored it with a big red X and made you tune in to Prime Time Wrestling to see the uncensored version, which was brutally realistic. And yes, the Michaels/Owen Raw collapse was a great angle, and since you bring it up I think I might actually cover it at some point in the future. Good call.
My good buddy Ari gets us ready for the Wrestlemania weekend shows in Column Of Honor.
Big self pimpin' here. I look back at the Jake Roberts-Randy Savage snakebite incident in That Was Then, and then it's all the ECW and TNA you can handle in Friendly Competition.
* * *
Well, that's it for me for this weekend. I'll be back on Friday in That Was Then, Saturday with Friendly Competition, and next Sunday with another edition of The Ominous Thoughts News Report. Until then, this is "Weekend Warrior" Stuart Carapola signing off. Thanks for reading.
