Friendly Competition 3.31.07
Posted by Stuart Carapola on 03.31.2007
I would just like to say that a room containing nothing but me, Vince Russo, and a mace would not make for a pretty scene.
I can't believe that six months ago, TNA was awesome and ECW sucked ass, and now it's totally the other way around. Isn't it funny how the business works like that?
ECW On Sci Fi Results 3/27/2007
-Rob Van Dam defeated Elijah Burke, leading to a postmatch beatdown on Van Dam by the New Breed. The ECW Originals run in and chase them off because that's not supposed to happen until this weekend.
-Hardcore Hobags do their dance, then we go backstage to Edge acknowledging that they don't like each other, but that they'll have to work together tonight.
-Gene Snitsky defeats "The Forgotten Original" Balls Mahoney with the Foot Fetish, then we go backstage to Finlay, Kennedy, Orton, and Booker manipulating each other in preparation of tonight's match.
-We go to a satellite linkup with Vince McMahon and Bobby Lashley, and Vince actually cuts a really good heel promo, and all Lashley has to say is "I'm going to beat the cwap out of you, you thon of a bith." Good idea letting Vince carry this segment, and it was a really good one at that.
-In the main event, King Booker, Finlay, Ken Kennedy, and Randy Orton defeat CM Punk, Edge, and Matt & Jeff Hardy, and after the match a big schmozz brawl breaks out to drive home that it's every man for himself Sunday night.
TNA Impact Results 3/29/2007
-Paparazzi Productions brings us a meeting between Sting and Jim Mitchell at a cafe somewhere. Yes, I like to have lunch with people who tried to kill me, too. Mitchell reveals that it was actually Abyss's mother who shot his father, but Abyss took the rap for it to protect his mom, then Mitchell sticks Sting with the bill. You always know when Russo's booking, don't you?
-Jerry Lynn wins a pretty entertaining Six Sides Of Steel Xscape match, only to get attacked by Christopher Daniels afterward.
-Christian Cage comes out with his crew and announces that Scott Steiner and Abyss are going to be on Team Cage at Lockdown, then announces Tomko as the fifth member, but Tomko says he wants his title shot. Kurt Angle comes out with Samoa Joe and Rhino and breaks it to Tomko that the shot isn't coming, but offers to let him join Team Angle instead. Jim Cornette comes out and makes a match tonight, Angle vs Abyss, with the winner getting Tomko on their team. When did Tomko become the most sought after man in wrestling?
-In another ridiculous series of events, James Storm beats Eric Young, then gets run off by Chris Harris, then Robert Roode comes in and berates Young, then Petey Williams runs out and chases Roode off.
-Christy Hemme gets on a satellite linkup with VKM (these linkups are popular this week, I guess) and announces that she has another team to face VKM at Lockdown. I know it'll probably be someone lame like the Bashams, but wouldn't it be cool if it was the Gymini? Those guys are awesome.
-In a match for the services of Tomko, Kurt Angle beats Abyss, but Tomko gives us another totally obvious swerve by suckerpunching Angle and rejoining Team Cage. Joe and Angle run out, but Team Cage stands tall.
Overall Top Ten Ranking
As voted by me. This ranking includes wrestlers from both groups, is done on a week by week basis, is based on a combination of how well they produce in the ring and how much they entertain me, and is entirely subjective.
ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley (Champion Since 12/3/2006)
NWA World Champion: Christian Cage (Champion Since 1/14/2007)
1)Rob Van Dam
2)Kurt Angle
3)Edge
4)King Booker
5)Jerry Lynn
6)Christian Cage
7)Elijah Burke
8)James Storm
9)Gene Snitsky
10)Petey Williams
Dickhead Of The Week: Kurt Angle
Okay, so let me get this straight: we have a show-spanning angle where Kurt Angle desperately wants Tomko on his team, so Jim Cornette gets involved and make a match between Angle and Abyss, Angle beats him, and Tomko turns on him anyway in a swerve we all saw coming a mile away to begin with...and all for the sake of FUCKING TOMKO? He may be an Olympic Gold Medalist, but if that's any indication of his recruiting acumen, it's no wonder that Lesnar and Goldberg aren't in TNA yet.
Vital Social Issues N' Stuff With Stuart
I had a feeling that the unofficial destruction of the Brand Extension would lead to this, but it did bother me a bit how little this week's episode of ECW On Sci-Fi featured guys from the ECW roster. The only real ECW match on Wrestlemania, the New Breed vs ECW Originals 8-Man, was brushed out of the way in the first segment of the show, and the ECW World Champion, who is going to be part of one of the feature matches of the show, got to say like two lines. The main event and focus of the entire show was the MITB 8-Man which only featured one ECW guy, CM Punk, who ended up doing the job. It's no secret that ECW was the distant third brand in the WWE pecking order, but that's just driven home that much more when the walls are knocked down and we get the kind of spillover from Raw and Smackdown that we've gotten. Now I'm wondering if this is going to continue after Wrestlemania and if so, what that will mean for the identity of the brand, or whether it will continue on as anything more than Heat with a TV slot.
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I know a lot of people busted on the Vince McMahon/Bobby Lashley segment as just "Vince rambling about nothing", but I thought it was a great segment. Say what you will about Vince McMahon, but the guy knows how to cut a heel promo, and he did it better than just about everyone who works for him. I particularly liked how he quietly and calmly said what he had to say, which helped drive home his point a lot more than when he comes out doing that stupid walk, yelling and talking about giving people billionaire bitchslaps. It was just a good, old fashionsed heel promo that showed that the Vince McMahon that told us that Bret screwed Bret and then feuded with Steve Austin in 1998 is still in there somewhere, and I think that if he stuck to a calm interview style like this instead of acting the part of the angry, abusive evil boss all the time, people would feel a little differently about him.
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Something interesting that I haven't seen anyone mentioning is that, over the weeks since the beginning of the ECW Originals vs New Breed feud, the Originals have actually won most of the TV matches. That's really interesting, because I think most people expected this to be a completely one-sided feud in which the Originals would get squashed week after week, but it's been slanted towards the ECW Originals instead. I'd be willing to bet my plumbing that if the New Breed was winning every week, everybody on the planet would be up in arms about it and whining about how the ECW Originals are being treated unfairly and how the New Breed is a bunch of talentless slugs that nobody wants to see but are getting put over anyway. Funny how nobody's saying anything about it since things didn't turn out that way, isn't it? I mean, they've even managed to make Tommy Dreamer look like he can actually beat someone again, which is something I never thought I'd see on WWE TV ever again. Even if (or as some might say, when) the New Breed wins at Wrestlemania, it'll still come out being pretty even, and I'd be willing to bet that this feud's going to continue for some time because the show has been a lot more interesting since it started and I think it's utilizing everyone to their full potential right now. Except for Balls Mahoney, of course, but I guess you can't please everyone.
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I know that everybody else is thinking the same thing, but what does it say about TNA when they've got quality ex-WWE guys in Christian Cage and Kurt Angle, a top WCW guy in Sting, and the hottest young guy in the business in Samoa Joe, yet Tomko is inexplicably pushed as someone we're supposed to take seriously? I mean, never say never in this business, but the guy has zero charisma, a bland wrestling style, and I just don't get why he's pinning Samoa Joe and having Kurt Angle and Christian Cage fight over him for Lockdown. Seriously, when the hell did Tomko become important and why didn't I get the memo? What's worse is that this stupid angle on Impact ran for the entire episode and not only ended up being completely meaningless after yet ANOTHER predictable swerve ending, but it made Kurt Angle look like an idiot because he was the only one who didn't see it coming a mile away. Way to go Russo, let's see you bury this fucking company the same way you buried WCW. The only difference is this company has the potential to be saved.
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Speaking of the wonderful booking of Vinnie Ru, isn't it great how minor incidents like, say, repeated brutal beatings, torture, and possibly attempted murder can be completely forgotten when there's a story to be told? Case in point, this week's lunch meeting between Sting and Jim Mitchell. It really blows me away how Russo honestly believes that stuff that happened not years, not months, but WEEKS AGO doesn't matter, and the result is a stupid segment like the one that opened Impact. I mean, if a guy has repeatedly beaten the shit out of you, tortured you, and hospitalized you, what's the first thing that would spring to your mind to do? If your answer was to invite him to lunch so you can tell him all the details of your evil plan and thereby completely invalidate it should Sting choose to act on it, then you've got a future booking for any promotion that has Jeff Jarrett in it. And sticking Sting with the bill was just the stupidest thing, because beyond the complete lack of continuity, nonsensical storyline turn, and overall dumb angle, we get dumbass comedy to close the segment. Vince, I am in awe of your booking acumen.
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Seriously, despite his incredibly poor record, I was willing to give Russo a chance when he came to TNA, but he screwed it up once again. I cannot believe that he honestly thinks that the crap he comes up with is good booking, but what's even worse is that despite the damage he does time and time again, people KEEP FUCKING HIRING HIM. Yes, the rating has gone up like two tenths of a point under his watch, but the shows are completely unwatchable now. Samoa Joe's done nothing important since losing to Christian when he should be getting a rematch this month. Everyone else has been made to look like a goddamn cartoon character, including the FUCKNIG WORLD CHAMPION. Like seriously, how does this guy keep getting hired? Why would anyone look at ANYTHING he's EVER come up with and say "Hey, he's had some good ideas, let's hire him!" As astonishing as some of the shit he books is, it's nothing compared to the fact that there are always people who are willing to give creative control of the entire company to him. I'd really love to see what would happen if Vince Russo left wrestling and became a wedding planner. I think that would make for some interesting ceremonies.
Links To Stuff You Can Read
The most extreme motherfucker on the planet, Michael Bauer, has the ECW On Sci-Fi Report, the Total Nonstop Boss, Larry Csonka, has the TNA Impact Report, and the most Ryan Byers-like person on the site, Ryan Byers, has the Impact Crater.
Andy Clark has a great column on Wrestlemania main events that could have been in The Shimmy.
Sam Berman takes us back in time one year to the beginning of what has become perhaps the most brutal feud in ROH history between Jimmy Jacobs and BJ Whitmer in The Independent Mid-Card.
A lot of screwing goes on at Wrestlemania, but Wilcox finishes telling us about it in this weeks edition of Schmozzes And Screwjobs.
Vinz Rothenburg (whose name I was proud to say I spelled right on the first try) looks at Lance Hoyt in The Timewarp.
In celebration of Wrestlemania 23, Julian Williams gives us an extra heapin' helpin' with his top 23 Wrestlemania matches of all time in The Top Ten.
O'Dog talks about whether Friday nights are killing Smackdown in The Goodness.
More from Sam Berman, as he takes us back to my 20th birthday, April 18, 1999, for Sunday Night Heat in The Box In The Attic.
Finally, Csonka and Arnold Furious go one on one in week ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO of Fact Or Fiction.
What Did We Learn This Week?
In all things, there is at least one lesson to be learned. Here I will impart upon you what I took away from the weekly television of ECW, TNA, and WSX. You too can learn important life lessons from Kevin Thorn and Maverick Matt, and are encouraged to send in your own revalations.
This week on ECW On Sci-Fi, I learned that...
-Balls Mahoney gets no love.
-Vince McMahon can still cut a better promo than nearly anyone in WWE.
-If a brand has one match at Wrestlemania, it's best to get it out of the way in the first segment of the go-home show.
This week on TNA Impact, I learned that...
-Tomko is the hottest free agent in wrestling.
-In addition to being a totally evil guy, Jim Mitchell is also a fucking cheapskate.
-Being involved with Robert Roode has somehow made me care less about Eric Young than I did before.
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That's it for me, I'll be back tomorrow with the Ominous Thoughts News Report Thankfully, I'll be writing about Wrestlemania and not Vince Russo. Just thinking about him is giving me acid reflux. See you tomorrow.
