The Wrestling News Experience: 04.02.07

Ladies and gentlemen, please, would you bring your attention to me, for a feast for your eyes to see, an explosion of catastrophe, like nothing you’ve ever seen before. Watch closely as I open this door. Your jaws will be on the floor. After this, you’ll be beginning for more.

Welcome to the show, please come inside…

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Experience. I’m Stephen Randle, your master of ceremonies, your ringleader, as it were, and this is first post-WrestleMania 411 news report, the first day of a new WWE wrestling year. Since I couldn’t access 411 fully for parts of last night, I’m going to assume we set new records for traffic levels once again, and that is completely thanks to readers like you. You are the ones who keep us going, who give us the support to bring to you the most complete analysis of the entire wrestling world available today. I’m honoured to be here, and honoured to bring you the news each and every week.

I’d have worn a tuxedo, but I don’t own one. And I only wear my suit jacket on Halloween, when I dress up like JBL and tell people I’m richer than them in a lazy Southern drawl. But I am wearing my best Stone Cold t-shirt, and I think that’s more appropriate anyway.

Moving on.

PPV In Review – WWE WrestleMania 23

Furious did the live report, as Larry was off trying to catch bicycle thieves as his vigilante alter-ego. Hey, he does have a life outside this site, you know.

Mr. Kennedy defeated all comers to become Mr. Money in the Bank

Pretty much the expected result, and from reading the blow-by-blow, it really seems like eight men was, as predicted, far too many for the constraints of the match, as it seems like nobody really got a chance to shine. Punk was essentially the other last guy in the match, which is a good showing for him, I guess.

The Great Khali defeated Kane

Assuredly as fun to watch as it was to read.

Chris Benoit defeated MVP to retain the WWE United States title

Lived up to the house show rumblings, although this only got ten minutes whereas I’ve heard they were getting 30 at house shows. Still, MVP is steadily rounding into the total package. A bit of a shocker at the ending, maybe they’ll give them a longer wrestling-gimmick match at Backlash.

The Undertaker defeated Batista to win the World Heavyweight Championship

Sounds like they actually got their collectives asses in gear for this match, although the positioning on the card pretty much tells the story here. I don’t think a world title match has been on this low on the card since Triple H-Booker back at Mania 19. The good news is, Taker’s most likely going to transition the belt anyway, and it really needed to come off Batista so he can take some non-champ time to rebuild himself.

The ECW Originals defeated The New Breed

Another surprise result, not unwelcome, just completely unexpected. Although an 8-man tag should not be running only 6 minutes. Hopefully this leads to an Extreme Rules match in the future.

Bobby Lashley defeated Umaga in the Battle of the Billionaires

Totally overbooked, but you knew that going in. It was fun, the wrestling didn’t suck, and it was fun. Isn’t that what you want in a wrestling show? And like I said before, whatever else is said about Vince, he will go that extra mile to get an angle over.

Besides, he doesn’t look that horrible bald anyway.

Melina defeated Ashley to retain the Women’s title

If it weren’t a rhetorical question, I’d say why book a lumberjack match to go three minutes and have no involvement from the lumberjacks, but it’s WrestleMania and everyone gets to be on the card. Wasn’t even long enough to be bad, but really, a three minute match at WrestleMania? They couldn’t have given the 8-man that extra time? Or did Vince’s head shaving run long?

John Cena defeated Shawn Michaels to retain the WWE Championship

Well, it was Match of the Night, that’s obvious. Also the very early Match of the Year favourite, though it could probably be topped. Told a great story, the comebacks were well-timed, and in the end, it was old-fashioned wrestling. Plus, Cena continues injecting that mean streak into his matches, where he starts getting vicious, which will work well as a catalyst for whenever they decide to turn him heel. If it weren’t for the money he draws, I’d swear it’s coming soon.

Overall, it’s WrestleMania. Buy it and take a piss during the crap matches, which are just long enough for you to do so. Plus, it really screwed with everyone’s predictions (outside of the obvious Lashley-Umaga result), and that’s always good.

Around The Horn

Unsurprisingly, WrestleMania set the Ford Field attendance record and one-day grossing records for WWE, with over 80,000 fans in attendance, and over 5 million in ticket sales. So I guess they aren’t going bankrupt anytime soon.

Carlito and Ric Flair defeated Gregory Helms and Chavo Guerrero (hey, isn’t he a champion of some sort? If only I could remember…) in a pre-Mania dark match, which is news because Carlito gave an interview with the Edmonton Journal where he openly stated that he was pissed for being left off the Mania card in favour of, in his words, Great Khali vs Kane, and also that he hates working as a face. I never saw how a guy who spits apples in peoples’ faces could be a face anyway, but then, I’m a decent human being, and there’s no place for that in wrestling.

Hulk Hogan vs Jerry Lawler has been booked for the Mid-South Coliseum on April 27th, as part of what I will now unofficially dub the “Look At Me! Look At Me!” tour being booked by Hogan. The two have not wrestled each other in 25 years. Arguably, Hogan hasn’t actually wrestled in much longer of a period, but that’s really nit-picking.

Sports Illustrated.com had a reporter backstage for WrestleMania weekend, and his article is available for perusal here. It’s an excellent read for those who want a look into the backstage atmosphere and the real people behind the wrestlers. It even reveals something amazing: Bobby Lashley has a sense of humour!

WWE Stock has been on the rise lately, which any wrestling fan could have predicted like eight months ago, since WrestleMania is always the company’s high point of the year. Plus, throw in Donald Trump and you’ve got money rolling in. Sadly, any profit made off the stock upswing was used for Trump’s entrance at WrestleMania, so they only broke even. Well, until that incredibly elaborate entrance for John Cena. Hope you weren’t planning to retire on that stock anytime soon.

Speaking of Cena, apparently it was expected that he would be booed at WrestleMania last night, which may have explained how the match played out. As far as is known, there are no plans to turn Cena heel at this point. Of course, I don’t actually have any backstage sources, but as far as I know, this is the case.

What, I’m almost a reliable source.

WWE and THQ have announced the next Smackdown vs Raw video game, which will be released for PS3, Wii, and X-Box 360. None of which I own. I knew that’d become a problem eventually.

And before I leave this segment, Sting made it known that 2007 will likely be his last year as an active wrestler, as he’s pretty much accomplished everything he wanted to in coming to TNA. Quick, somebody who can do a better Italian accent than me, break out the bad Godfather line!

Nobody? Okay, I’ll do it. Ahem. “Every time I think I’m out, they pull me back in”. I’ll believe Sting’s retirement when I see it. Any bets on if Jarrett turning on him is the way they send Sting into the sunset?

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 03.26.07

WWE

– Beth Phoenix, RAW, out indefinitely as of June 6 (jaw)
– Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
– Mark Henry, SD!, out 6-8 months as of July 15th (patella)
– Michelle McCool, SD!, out indefinitely (enlarged kidney and electrolyte imbalance)
– Paul Burchill, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 29 (shoulder)
– Rene Dupree, ECW, out indefinitely as of March 2007 (Wellness)
– Rey Mysterio, SD!, out indefinitely as of October 2006 (knee surgery)
– Triple H, RAW, out 4-6 months as of January 7 (torn quadriceps)

TNA

No major injuries.

Transactions

– Joey Mercury, SD!, released from his contract

Allegedly Wellness, but I totally prefer the rumours that he knocked Stephanie McMahon on her butt in a fit of anger. Although if that were true, you’d have to suspect he’d have been severely beaten by Triple H, released, and then severely beaten again.

One Year Ago This Experience

Originally posted 04.03.06, which was, of course, the day after WrestleMania 22. Who could have known that on the Raw that occurred that night, we would see the (horribly anti-climactic, as I recall) debut of Umaga, the man who would be in one of the main-event matches of this year’s show? At the time, everyone dismissed him as a Samoa Joe parody…and I guess it was sort of true. But he still did better than anyone could have imagined, and at this point, looks like he’s potentially closer to winning the world title than Joe is.

Anyway, the point is, who is going to be this year’s post-Mania debut? Remember Lesnar? Goldberg? The newly rechristened JBL? Is there anyone actually left in OVW or DSW to make an impact anyway? Tune in to Raw tonight to find out!

Oh yeah, and last year I had an essay due in 14 hours. This year it’s only due in…23 hours, and it’s half done. Hooray for learning to prioritize!

The Wrestling Fan’s Experience

This week’s very special WrestleMania edition (well, it’s posted on WrestleMania) Experience comes to you from Ryan Tryzbiak.

—

I’ve been a wrestling fan pretty much as long as I can remember. When my brothers and I were kids (I’m 19), we would watch whatever wrestling was on network television. I also remember fondly a now long-lost book describing all the (kayfabed) facts about Ted Dibiase, Jim Duggan, Jake Roberts, and the rest of the superstars of the early 90s. When we heard that the WWF was coming to town we begged our parents to take us. It was 1995 and we saw such barnburners as Goldust vs. Razor Ramon, but we weremesmerized never mind the quality of wrestling.

Fast forward five years and my family was (finally) getting satellite TV. This was when the WWF was at the peak of its powers. We were instantly hooked on Heat and especially RAW, which became a must see every Monday night, even if we did have to tape the second hour because it was past our bedtimes. As the Attitude era faded, so did my love for wrestling. I lost interest at the beginning of the brand extension.

My love for wrestling was not dead, however, it was merely dormant. My oldest brother still watched wrestling and he turned on RAW one Monday around Survivor Series 05. I was intrigued. A couple weeks later I turned on RAW (the episode where Bischoff got fired as RAW GM) and was hooked again.

I was a little bit confused though. I had missed an awful lot. Benoit, Guerrero, and Bradshaw as world champs? No Rock or Austin? And who was this John Cena anyway? Over the last 15 or so months I’ve learned an incredible amount about wrestling. Not only have I caught up on the last few years, but I’ve learned about independent promotions and wrestlers that I had never knew existed. My brother introduced me to TNA and then ROH and I became a huge fan of Samoa Joe. Now, I don’t watch much televised wrestling, but
I’ve become something of a ROHbot, and I can’t wait to see them when they come back to Chicago on April 28th.

—

This is the type of success story I love to hear, because it shows that the industry isn’t all doom and gloom. Wrestling fans are being created and re-created on a daily basis. Every week, someone gets hooked for a different reason. And that is a very encouraging thing.

Join the revolution, and send me your best response to one or both of the following statements. I print everything I get, in the order I get them, so send yours today!

1. Why I am a wrestling fan.
2. How I got into pro wrestling.

Send them all to me, and remember, the next Experience could be yours.

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Once again, Furious did the live coverage of WrestleMania.

Carapola and Meehan had the weekend news reports.

From the glowing box, Byers has the Hall of Fame report, Larry has Deep South for March 30 and March 29, as well as Learning The Ropes for the 30th and the 28th, Borchardt and Furious have Smackdown, and Byers and Larry have Impact.

Clark has The Shimmy.

Short has The Navigation Log.

The Triple Threat previews Mania.

Adamson has Destiny.

Ari has Column of Honor, with special guest Chris Hero.

Minotti has Can They Be Champ?

Carapola has Friendly Competition.

High Road/Low Road look at the ECW 8-man tag at Mania.

Radulich guest-stars and Pees on Mania. Bastard.

Calhoun has The Ripple Effect.

Carapola has That Was Then.

Estee has Keys To The Game.

And Larry has the 3R’s.

The Gab Bag

Will Bryant is becoming my new favourite person by discovering an interesting factoid for us all: Randy “Dorkboy” Orton’s birthday. Come on, I bet you can guess. Well, I can’t wait for that. Our beloved (is there such word as be-hated?) Randall was born on…April 1st, making him a verified and true poisson d’Avril. And people think God (insert your deity’s name for better enjoyment of the joke) doesn’t have a sense of humour. Trust me, he does, just usually he’s laughing at you. This one’s a happy coincidence, though.

Rick Funcannon was half-right in his desire to have Kennedy win MITB, but the immediate challenge of Taker did not occur. I feel like Kennedy’s title shot won’t come for a few months, because he still needs a little build-up. Of course, that’s only if they want him to win the title. Otherwise, expect it as early as Backlash or Judgement Day.

Daniel, a military man who used 411 to keep up to date while he was in the desert (how cool is that?) pointed me to NoDQ.com, which contains video of two people predicting Mania. Your opinion on the quality may vary. Also, I’m not responsible for any viruses or whatnot that you may get from visiting sites that aren’t 411. I also won’t provide a link, because in my (and Daniel’s) opinion, it’s pretty much crap anyway. But some people are going to go anyway, so who am I to stop them?

Craig Rodriguez wrote in, presumably from Detroit, with some free advice for anyone who happens to be living in a town where WWE Superstars are staying.

I must say that I’m starting to understand and respect the stars level of patience. Taker, Miz, and some others were at Bally’s today in Fairlane mall working out and people were getting pissed because they wouldn’t stop their workouts to sign autographs. I mean, there is a time and place for everything. Perhaps wait till they’re leaving or something. It just made me realize what they have to go through on a daily basis.

Good advice, Craig. Remember, wrestlers are people too. Borderline crazy people who hurt themselves for our entertainment. And really, that makes them deserving of even more respect.

Matthew Roberts (who may be appearing somewhere else in this column in the near future, possibly next week), wrote in again with some quick questions and points. First of all, thanks for saying I’m at least more over than Bobby Lashley. One day, I hope to work my way up to being as over as Kane during his entrance, but that’s in the future. Secondly (I’ll skip over your MITB prediction, since…yeah, you already know), Beth Phoenix is currently wrestling in OVW, I assume they haven’t brought her back since the entire reason for her existence in WWE has disappeared, what with Trish retired and Mickie no longer a crazy nutjob. Although, if they wanted to bring her back in another role, now would be a good time for it, as a new feud for Melina post-Mania. And finally, I have not yet read Foley’s new book, but it is currently in transit (along with my copy of The WarSun Prophecies) and I should have some impressions of it for you all next week. I have heard that it’s not as good as his previous works from multiple sources, though.

Manu Bumb does bring up a great point about Foley’s book: it got over on a fluke, just like CM Punk. Ah, that “fluke” line has given wrestling writers a joke that they can ride for at least the next year.

And it’s not a spoiler anymore, but credit to Louis Jones for tipping me off that JR would be the final Hall of Fame inductee due to a well-timed banner ad when visiting WWE.com from Canada. I have eagle-eyed readers who share! Go me!

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of the first Raw of the new WWE year tonight starting at 9 pm EDT. That’s my column, unfortunately Larry was unavailable for the satellite hook-up tonight, due to his aforementioned duties protecting the citizens of Gotham, but if he had been, I’m sure he would have had something surly and combative to say, and then denied the conversation ever taking place in his news report tomorrow. I’m out of here, I’ll be back next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.