Truth B Told 04.05.07: Wrestlemania Hangover
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 04.05.2007
She looked good at 8:00 on a Sunday night, but now that you woke up in a strange bed and smelling of taco sauce, Zima, and Menthol cigarettes, is Wrestlemania still going to respect you in the morning?
Well everyone else did it, so why not me? I watched Wrestlemania in a bar full of marks and smarks and to be honest. I enjoyed it. Can't say the same for the Frisco Burger and flat 7-up, but all in all I came away feeling like it was worth the $10 I paid for it, but maybe not the $50 I could have paid to stay home and use a bathroom that didn't smell like Scott Hall and old yogurt. Or…Scott Hall and Tammy Sytch, either/or. But you know, when I woke up the next day and thought about it, I felt a little differently once I had time to digest everything. I don't know about you guys, but sometimes it helps to go back to the scene of the crime. That's why this week I break down my thoughts on the matches, give them my own special TBT rating, and let you know what lies ahead now that the World Series of Wrestling is over and the regular season begins again. Hey, unlike those pussies who play "real" sports, there's no "off-season" in wrestling. Okay, let's take a look at the action as it happened:
Money in the Bank - ***1/4
The right man went over, the match had some definitely memorable moments, but there were just too many people involved for anyone to really shine. The other problem I had was that there were too many times when someone should have just grabbed the briefcase and didn't. Jeff Hardy going through a ladder was a great "Holy Sh*t" moment, but who the hell wouldn't have grabbed the damn briefcase? Booker T's face or at least ‘tweener turn was in full effect as he pulled a very un-heelish move of saving Queen Sharmell over taking the briefcase. I think the match did what it was supposed to, it had some brief shining moments like the Jeff/Edge ladder spot, Kennedy/Lil' Bastard spot, and some big moves off of tall places, it also proved that 8 men is too many for a non-elimination match and that anything short of 25+ minutes isn't enough to showcase everyone. Still, entertaining and a good opener that was enough to get you through the crappy Kane/Khali match.
I might be one of the few people being okay with Edge losing the match as Undertaker is clearly not going to lose his streak, even IF he does wrestle at WM24. I have a feeling that Edge's jaw isn't heeling as quickly as they hoped and having him win the match then not wrestle for another month or two would really hurt his momentum. Besides, in the grand scheme of things he would have to go so many more WM's before his streak was even that significant by comparison to ‘Takers and God knows Vince hasn't shown enough full support for him to book that far in advance. I'm disappointed that CM Punk showed NOTHING in this match as being the "2nd to last guy to touch the briefcase" is of little consequence. It's like bragging that you were the last guy to hook up Candice Michelle before she got famous… or the 68th from the 1st. But once again, it was all about Kennedy and his rise to stardom. So all in all it was entertaining, memorable, and served it's purpose well in showcasing the next big player in the "e". Good job.
Where do we go from here?
This match had many implications if you had an astute eye. I said it before and I'll say it again, this WAS the main event in my eyes as a star was truly born rather than the old favorites pretending to be underdogs just to win anyways. Kennedy could either rehash his feud with Undertaker OR start a fresh new feud with Cena. I hope he picks Cena because the ‘Taker feud wasn't all it was cracked up to be and a Cena vs Kennedy feud could be hot. A Summerslam match up seems like a great target unless they want to feature it to try to pop a usually sub-par PPV like the Great American Bash. But that's not the only potential fall out from this match.
Booker T looked like a crowd favorite and possible face as he saved Sharmell, as did Finlay at the end of the match as he consoled lil' Bastard. Matt Hardy resorted to heelish tactics as he tempted both Booker AND his own brother off the ladder in different spots. CM Punk was one of the final two, but it was clear this was not his night to shine after he showed nothing special during the match outside of a spinning ladder spot. Jeff Hardy was there to basically hit a big spot and leave, Edge and Orton dominated at times but were mere fodder as well. All in all this match was a means to and end to feature Kennedy and Kennedy alone.
Right now Edge vs Orton seems like an inevitability, although the build up to this match suggested more of an interaction between the two and them costing each other the win…didn't pan out that way though and Jeff could have just as easily taken out anyone else other than Edge. So Edge vs Orton at Backlash…Book it. Speaking of Booking it, Booker T and Finlay right now are kind of on a treadmill. I'd love to see them become ‘tweeners and take the titles off Kendrick/London but more time in the mid-card seems a certainty. They did at least team together on RAW so maybe tagging up on Smackdown is still a possibility but it's clear both guys have run in them as singles competitors.
It looks like the Hardyz are being shunted back down to the tag team ranks as they had an unimpressive victory on Monday Night to win the Tag straps. What really pisses me off is that they didn't even get to pin the champs and instead beat Cade/Murdoch for the belts. Having the Hardyz take out Cena while HBK did nothing would have at least given them some kind of ‘rub'. It just seemed like they could have given a small rub to a team by letting them defeat one of the main event guys in a 2 on 1 instead of giving HBK a token nod to his more heel-ish ways. Well Matt and Jeff good luck pulling great matches out of a division which has been euthanized as of late and sorry to Smackdown for stealing a solid mid-card act.
CM Punk will be back in ECW and SHOULD by all means be the next challenger to Lashley for his title. I was disappointed that they didn't have more interaction with Punk and the New Breed but I think Punk taking over leadership and having them help him beat Lashley would create a hot feud now that McMahon vs Trump is over. Then again, since Colt Cabana recently signed a developmental deal with the "e" and Ace Steel is working DSW perhaps a "Second City Saints" reunion might take place in ECW and be Punk's back up for his eventual run at the belt. Still, a TV Title is what they really need in the mean time till they're ready to pull the trigger on a Punk/Lashley program but then again, it looks like they are going to string out the NB vs Punk storyline a little longer and chances are they'll have Punk go through most of the New Breed before he gets a real main event push. But, I'd still like to see a swerve as I think a "heel" Punk has more potential, especially if they put him in a hot feud with the ‘Originals' and eliminated a few from the company since they are probably going to junk at least Sabu, Balls, and possibly Dreamer or Sandman. Bottomline is that this match showed no real glimpse of anything for Punk other than he's being viewed as the 2nd most important ECW guy (that and $.25 will get you … $.20) so we'll just have to wait and see in the coming weeks. The only thing clear is that CM KENTA's push is far from over.
Kane vs Khali - ½*
I was glad this was a fairly short match as Kane is "monster" you job out to make a wrestler look more credible. Too bad said "wrestler" was Khali. Really it was a bad brawl that showed nothing much from either guy, but it's clear they are pushing for Khali to eventually challenge Cena. Which isn't horrible considering this would be the first time I would buy Cena as a REAL underdog because…shit, the guy is like 8 feet tall. How the hell do you beat that guy in a ‘kayfabe' fight? Still, back to the mid-card to ‘feud' with Booker T, Finlay, or … Miz.
Where do we go from here?
To watch some RoH or PWG DVD's and wash the taste of "Dud" out of your mouth. Khali is going to stay on RAW to either beat up more lower card guys or feud with Cena. Either way, he's irrelevant and in a matter of a year from now we'll be asking ourselves, dude…whatever happened to "Khali"? The answer? He'll be the newest member of "Sweet n' Sour International" baby!! Or not. Kane…welcome back to the Smackdown mid-card, we kept your seat warm for you. Oh, yeah, don't worry about that ‘feud' you'll eventually have with your brother again, we'll make sure to have that over as quick and winlessly as possible for you.
Chris Benoit vs MVP - **1/2
Had they actually pushed MVP as a legit wrestler prior to this match it might have made more sense. Otherwise it was…just there. Better than expected but you had the feeling it underachieved to some degree because this had signs of being even better than we saw. Still, the right man went over here as MVP isn't ready for "Prime Time" or the legitimacy of a win over the "Rabid Wolverine"…yet. Still you just know a US Title run is in the works and after this match I think people are more ready to accept it now so maybe this match did its job after all. Benoit still won though and it kept him strong which is good because one has to think that he still has one more run at the top in him if they ever decide to pull the trigger.
Where do we go from here?
This feud is far from over. I would expect Benoit to drop the title soon and MVP to move on to Matt Hardy, Finlay, Booker T, or someone else debuting. Benoit will go back to the "Veterans who are over and could hold the belt but probably won't" Bullpen with Finlay, King Booker, and Misterio when he returns. Sad, but Smackdown has 3 guys firmly entrenched at the top, no good young talent, and a good handful of veterans whom they have nothing really planned for. It's hard to have all these "star making" veterans on the roster without any stars for them to help make.
I'm sorry, but THIS was the match that impressed me most so I'll admit it when I'm wrong. MitB was good, but wasn't quite up there with the other two, HBK/Cena to ME at least was a bit underwhelming. It was flat for 15 mins, got hot for 2 minutes, then the ending sequence was flat as they were on the ground for so long, then in the matter of 30 seconds HBK was tapping to the STFU, which so far has put away HBK, HHH, Benoit, and Edge. Apparently that move is UNSTOPPABLE!! Still from ‘bell to bell' this was a slug fest and a power brawl, it looked like both guys wanted to steal the show and in a way, for me, they did. This is the match that had me looking over to my buddy every few minutes and going "Damn, this is pretty good" every few minutes. Switch this match with the ‘Diva' match or Trump/McMahon and it probably is a **** in many people's eyes and makes the main event look that much flatter. Batista was motivated and ‘Taker was great (anyone notice how ripped he is lately? You think he might have missed the wellness testing last round?) and for me this was the match that would have provided the best take away moment. It was power vs power and it really could have gone either way, say what you will but so far Batista's feud with ‘Taker has been the best since his feud with HHH. Too bad this is pretty much done now as I don't see Batista losing twice in a row to a guy supposedly retiring this year.
Where do we go from here?
A rematch at Backlash one would assume, but don't expect a clean finish. You can't job out Batista again and you can't let him take the title off ‘Taker before Kennedy decides who to chase. One would assume a full Batista heel turn, hopefully, but you never know. I think at this point Batista needs time to run through some lower card ‘faces' before challenging for the belt again and repackaging his character would certainly help.
For ‘Taker, a feud with Kennedy or a few defenses against Benoit, Booker, or even Kane would be fine, because if Kennedy doesn't take it off ‘Taker, the only logical choice would be Batista. Still Kennedy vs ‘Taker seems so easy and predictable that…well it will probably happen. Especially with RAW seeming to point to the 4-way main event scene of Orton, Edge, HBK, and Cena. Poor Kennedy, the guy deserves a shot at the "A" show, yet it looks like SD needs him even more because of the lack of good young-ish (is 31 still "young"?) main event level talent on the roster.
ECW Originals vs New Breed - *1/2
Good TV match, bad WM match. We saw jack shit from anyone here. Not even a WM ‘pounce'. RVD was the only guy to do much of anything, although Matt Striker's selling was a thing of beauty, still no one else really showed much of anything. The NB losing is a surprise and I wouldn't be surprised to see either Striker or Burke kicked out in favor of Punk. Still this will probably lead to an elimination or Extreme Rules match at a PPV to be named later. Still, having served their purpose I think 2 months from now RVD (and maybe Sandman) will be the only original left standing. Clearly 6 or 7 mins ain't enough for an 8 man match and to be honest, this was pretty damn pointless. At this point for all the kudos the "e" was getting for actually having some direction in WWECW they have now lost that focus, choosing instead to placate the fans rather than letting the NB win and set a new tone. Get off the damn treadmill already.
Where do we go from here?
Well I wrote the "Extreme Rules Match" prediction on Monday and lo and behold. I guess the WM win for the OG's was more of a "thanks for taking it up the…I mean for the team" kind of reward thing but it's business as usual as the New Breed went over on TV. At this point I think the stable is a good idea, although I think if anything there are two guys that are benefiting and two who aren't as Striker is getting mic time, ring time, showing off his ability to bump and do the little things that make his character that much better, as well as Burke being the main player in terms of leadership and mic time. So far Kevin Thorn's and Monty have been lost in the shuffle. No mic time to speak of and their characters are kind of lost in the shuffle as the "enforcers", which is 1 "enforcer" too many. Still at least they have some purpose and direction so I'll let that slide.
Ultimately I think this will come down to getting rid of a few of the originals now that Vince has pretty much made it clear they no longer need them for "legitimacy" sake. If RVD chooses not to re-sign I think we end up with a "Losers leave ECW" match where at least two of the originals get the boot, if he does re-sign then who knows? Clearly at this point this feud needs a blow off and my guess is at ECW: The Money's On The Nightstand I think it will go down. I think ECW is a bit in flux as I'm not sure what's really going on besides this one feud so they will milk it at least until the next ECW based PPV. Hell, until they drop this feud we won't even know which of the 9 guys involved is even going to get a shot at the ECW title. My guess is CM Punk gets involved in the next week or two and it leads to the inevitable. A Kevin Thorn world title run. *weeps*
Bobby Lashley vs Umaga - **
Wow, so…did anyone realize that Lashley and Umaga wrestled on Sunday? Clearly they took a 3rd seat to Vince/Donald and Stone Cold, but the match it self wasn't bad. It was just more overbooked than Lita's Friday nights. Still the match was a throw away as I don't see any need for Umaga and Lashley to fight again. Unless they move Umaga to ECW or Lashley to RAW. Highly doubtful although both moves would make sense, but that would be 2 or 3 months down the road to properly set that up. Still, Lashley won and let's hope his push is sustained and he gets a proper challenger and feud, and Umaga stayed strong as it took Bobby AND Austin to beat him. A fun little match when you consider the ramifications after the match, but on it's own, it was just okay. I think the one take away is that both of these guys have talent and although Umaga is the better worker right now, Lashley is clearly being anointed as the "Next Big Thing".
Where do we go from here?
Lashley needs a feud that people care about and he needs it fast. That feud isn't against Vince however. Because no matter what you say or do, Vince vs Anyone other than Stone Cold, just isn't going to catch fire the way the "e" wants it to. The Umaga program should be over now unless he's moved to ECW full time as a "punishment" for not taking out Lashley at WM but then again it looks like Vince is blaming Stone Cold for the loss instead, and if that happens, maybe it could develop into something and I think they work well together. Then again Umaga has lost two matches in a row and it would seem like they have pretty much blown off the feud. The only other two possibilities I see is to promote CM KENTA as #1 contender or move *sigh* Khali over to feud with him if they don't want to blemish RAW matches with his special brand of "workrate". I think for the moment a continued feud with Umaga could be okay till Punk is truly ready unless they work my other idea of a Punk led NB working over Blackzilla. Lashley really seems to be bigger than the belt he's wearing right now so I would expect big things from him, don't be surprised if next week a new wrestler is moved to ECW to become Vince's new "hitman" as it were. NO, not Bret.
For Umaga it's either ECW or back to beating up cruisers and mid-carders. Whoopee!! But clearly the guy can wrestle and is being kept fairly strong for a reason. No idea what that reason is but a long reign with the IC belt could be in the works because I can't see Vince turning on him and him becoming a face. That is unless he dons a thong and starts turns his transition move into the world's deadly running ‘stink face'.
It wasn't as bad as it could have been or as good as it should have been. Victoria vs Mickie would have been the best match, but clearly this was "New Queen Bitch" vs "Ho for Hire". Because as we all know, showing your ‘vajayjay' for the fans makes you an instant ‘women's libber' and hero. Clearly Ashley's character is more heel than face it this just didn't go down right as she came off a ‘sore loser' after a clean win. Had Melina pulled the tights instead of simply bridging the pin this would have made more sense, but it looks like Ashley being a whiny bitch and complaining after a clean loss rather than her being upset that Melina ‘cheated'. Either way I'm glad this is over and I'd like to keep the ‘trim' where the ‘trim' belongs. Valeting for real wrestlers and showing us her tata's every once in a while.
Where do we go from here?
To the nearest newsstand to pick up a Playboy and put this whole debacle behind us. It looks like Melina vs Mickie is the next program for the women's title so it will be interesting to see if they give it to Mickie and fire Melina or whether they were satisfied enough to let Melina hold the belt for a while. Then again if Mickie gets another good long run I wouldn't be surprised to see her pop up in Playboy next, she has already "supposedly" done some pretty racy photos already. Ashley should be put back on Smackdown to feud with Krystal or Jillian until the next Diva search finds a new replacement. Well, either way, I'm sure her relationship with Matt Hardy will be fine now that he's on RAW and she's on Smackdown. Hey, I'm sure he's cool with her asking to "travel" with Mr. Kennedy, right?
So this is where I'll be getting most of my feedback from for my column next week as I rated this only 3rd best on the card. Let me explain a little about my own personal rating system first. A * match for me is something watchable but not special or even that good, just merely "there". A ** match is a fairly good match that either didn't have great psychology, memorable spots, or didn't evoke enough of a response or excitement enough for me to have a vested interest in the match. A *** match is a good match, but it lacked something special to make me want to talk about the match 2 or 3 months after it happened, yet it still made me care about the outcome in someway. A **** match is a great match, a match that not only had great wrestling, memorable spots, made me care about it and drew me in, but also impressed me to the point where it exceeded my expectations or at least was no worse than the best it could have been, it also had to enthrall me the whole match and never seem predictable at any point as to who the winner would be. A ***** match is pretty self explanatory. You could count on 1 hand how many matches I've seen that I consider to be ***** matches and still have one left over for a Sharkboy vs Lance Hoyt match. Or not. The reason I can't give this match a **** or more as a lot of the other columnists have is that it didn't have two crucial elements that it needed to for me to rank it that high. #1 the thing started so damn slowly that the first 10 minutes were agonizing. That killed it for me. The other thing was that the match just got going when it just hit a dead spot as Cena kicked out of SCM and HBK was holding giving Cena the old "Nut Huganomics" on the mat. Seriously, what the hell was up with that? I haven't seen a guy on Cena's balls that tightly since Andy Clark debuted. But I digress.
The match then ended with a quick 30 second spot where there were a few reversals and Cena just clamped on the STFU in the middle of the ring and you already knew it was over. For a match that had been so even up to that point it was just a typical Cena match in the end. Get shown up for the beginning of the match, fight back with "aggression", but counted, hit a few big moves, then an STFU for the win. What I hated was that Cena played "underdog" in a match where he couldn't have been considered an underdog and the fact that he was booed but still played the "plucky face" role. I realized that the reason a lot of people care about Cena matches is because now people WANT to see him lose. Has they ever happened before? Where the biggest "face" in the company gets booed on an alternating basis? The man can't even play ‘tweener convincingly. #2. at no time did I believe HBK was going to win the match, especially after ‘Taker won his match, it was inconceivable. You just knew that Cena's entrance foreshadowed a big victory, and in the end the victory fell flat for me as they built up the match then went home way too soon. It felt like the match was in 1st gear for so long then it went to 5th in no time flat and then it was over. It just didn't build into an epic like most people thought it would, in fact, the only difference between last year's main event and this year's was some selling by HBK. It felt very formulaic in HBK bleeds, HBK bumps, HBK sells, maybe let Cena bleed a little, reversal sequence, Cena makes guy tap.
I still don't get the "story" they told in the ring. Was it a story about them knowing each other so well because of a past feud? Was it a story about them having so many great matches against each other before? Was it even a story about both of them being such great wrestlers and never giving up no matter what? Nope, sorry, but a **** for me doesn't consist of one wrestler having to bump around and carry the other one to a great match. What happened to all the work HBK was doing on Cena's leg during the first 9 minutes of the match? How many believable pin attempts did HBK score? So sorry kids, argue if you want, but I think if more people looked at this match in a vacuum and didn't give it an HBK Handicap then this would be more of a *** than a ****, but let's face it, we give guys like Samoa Joe, HBK, Flair, Danielson, etc. the benefit of the doubt too many times and don't see the match for what it truly was…or in this case…wasn't.
I know it seems like I'm bashing this match due to my anti-Cena sentiment but really I can't in all good conscience side with the other writers giving this such a high ranking. Look at some past WM matches that got ****+ ratings, even narrowing them to just the ones involving HBK. Do you really think this was on par with the Ladder match vs Razor Ramon, 3-way with Benoit and HHH, or even HBK/Angle? Because if you think it was ****+ then that is what you're saying. The WM and HBK mystique really gave it an unfair handicap and I think if you took that same match and ran it at Armageddon or Backlash, it wouldn't be as highly thought of. It lacked the feel of a true "Wrestlemania Moment" to fade to as it didn't end up in a culmination of anything, nor did it blow off a feud, it felt like just the middle of one. Go back now and look at your bootlegged tapes (yeah, I know about it, don't try to hide it) and really look at the match again, you might tend to agree with me. Good match, just not ‘great'.
Where do we go from here?
What do you do? HBK gave up. He lost, he lost decisively. Had Cena given him like 2 FU's in a row or at least one huge super FU from the top turn buckle it had room to work. HBK carried RAW on his back when HHH went down and he ended up tapping out. For him to tap out is huge, especially to that weak ass submission move. In my opinion there are 4 people in the WWE who should never have to tape. HBK being one of them, Benoit was the other…until two weeks ago, and Undertaker and Flair. HBK tapping out was ridiculous and in the same vein as him having to job to Hulk Hogan. There are two ways to look at that win, either it is a HUGE nod of credibility to Cena for beating HBK, or it just adds to the cartoonishness of Cena's unrealistic push as "Superman" because he can't be beat in a fair fight. It basically means Cena didn't just beat him by chance he made him submit, that is the end all be all. So even a rematch would seem kind of moot at this point.
But that's just logic talking and according to RAW it will be HBK vs Cena again at Backlash. Yeah, it will probably be an Edge run in to cost Orton his shot at Cena leading to Orton vs Edge, but hey, at least they have 4 guys in the main event mix right? What I was really hoping for was Kennedy vs Cena, but that looks like it may not happen for several months down the line, if at all, because while RAW is loaded with 4 credible guys at the top, Smackdown only has 2 other stars that appear to be getting strong pushes.
I openly admit it, I hate John Cena's booking. I don't hate the man, I don't hate the wrestler because the man does try and he puts out the effort in big matches, but in this day and age you can't book a guy like Hulk Hogan anymore, especially when he doesn't get that same kind of reaction Hulk did back then. Right now I can't even think of a really great John Cena feud. His feud with Edge was the closest, but it was so horribly one sided other than a brass knux aided win that it was hardly memorable. Considering they decided to keep the focus on DX and Cena instead of letting Edge shine. Now instead of building up fresh new challengers like they tried with Edge and Umaga (and really, who believed they'd let a "savage" be champion, Samoan or Randy for that matter), with mixed results, they are putting him over established "Attitude Era" stars like HHH and HBK. Cena is running out of people to feud with, Undertaker, Batista, Orton, and Kennedy being the last 4. I'm going to go on record and say that while Cena had a mini-feud with ‘Taker on Smackdown there is no way that feud will culminate now because the Deadman is one of the only other un-jobbable guys they got left. Rather than tie up HBK with Cena again I would hope they go back to Edge or bring in Kennedy or Orton into the mix because epic feuds are just as important as epic wrestlers.
Other than Hulk Hogan, just about every champion had a rival, an arch nemesis, someone who brought out the best in them that was so evenly matches that on any given day the pin could go either way. Bret Hart had HBK and Stone Cold, Stone Cold had HHH and The Rock, Angle had Benoit and Lesner, but Cena has no one. He has no great rivals, just guys he's beaten and guys who have cheated to extreme degrees to beat him. I hope they finally pick a guy to rival him, or he may end up being this generation's Ultimate Warrior. Seriously, look at the comparisons and tell me I'm wrong. The booking, the ring work, the charisma, but ultimately, what was the measuring stick for him after Hulk left? You remembered the character, but you didn't remember the matches. Although I doubt Cena is going to change his name to Cena McCena Cenastein, but still he's a few leg tassels closer than you think.
The Truth
I've got to hand it to the "creative team" because without question the right people went over in their matches. Mr. Kennedy will soon join Lashley, John Cena, and arguably Edge as the next generation of Superstars. A trained women's wrestler held onto the women's title. Khali was put over strong so he in turn could put Lashley or Cena over strong. Undertaker's streak is in tact without the need for a DQ. We got a glimpse of MVP's potential without Benoit being the sacrificial lamb. The ECW Originals won in their only and probably last Wrestlemania…um…okay, maybe not ALL the right people. But hey, even I can't argue with keeping Cena on top, okay, I can but not too much. Clearly Cena is THE guy. No one else really has "Superstar" written all over them like he does, and I can't belittle that kind of star power. The fact is, I WANT to like Cena, but as a ‘smark', as a guy who is up enough on the Indy's and puro to have seen some truly great matches and feuds, I just need more than having a wrestler shoved down my throat like I was a Diva Search contestant.
What I can do is question the booking and the way that Cena has become a caricature of some of the great wrestlers from the past. It is one thing to be brawler and scrapper, it is another thing to be a submission specialist. I think that's what spoiled Cena for me most, because he isn't a good enough wrestler to be allowed to make people tap based on a punch to the head and a spinning back drop. Really, at this point Cena's "Proto-drop" is the second most powerful move after Hogan's big boot, because both moves leave their opponent on the mat dazed for long enough for them to run around the ring for 10 minutes, pose and hit a week leg/fist drop. Wrestlemania was a solid buy…for my $10 that is. At $50 I would have been pissed, but then again that's the Cena hater in me talking. All in all I think WM23 accomplished a lot of what it set out to do. I felt a lot of guys put out great effort and stepped it up a lot. I was entertained and it was easily the best PPV the "e" had all year so it lived up to what it was supposed to. You have to consider WM23 a success as it provided some good moments, it entertained the fans, and it set the stage for a small handful of wrestlers to have some direction leading up to the "new season". What lies ahead for the other 70 odd guys on the rosters? Who knows? But something tells me that neither does the "creative team"…at least until Summerslam.
Coming Up Short
1 hour and 26 minutes. That was roughly the entire amount of wrestling that took place while WM23 was on the air. The show actually ended 20 minutes early too so if you gave MitB or Cena/HBK or even the ECW 8 man some more time they could have used it. I just thought for a 4 hour show, that seemed like way too little actual wrestling. But hey, we've come to expect that right? I think the problem is that there were really only 3 matches that anyone said could have gone long and actually deserved to go long. MitB definitely deserved more time and could have used it well, HBK/Cena would have been better in my opinion had they either speeded up the beginning or done at least another good sequence leading up to tapping. In fact HBK only got one real good shot in on Cena when he superkicked him and you just knew when he went flying half way across the ring after that it wouldn't be a 3 count. I just felt that the main event wouldn't end in a roll up so for me it seemed like HBK didn't have any real strong pin attempts. The Piledriver on the steps took like 30 seconds between the move and the first count by the referee. I was hoping for a bit more wrestling on the show, but hey, that's just me.
Perhaps in this case you don't want to give Ashley/Melina 10 mins or Kane/Khali 15. but if that is the case, who is to blame for creating a card that featured only a few matches that could have gone a significant amount of time and others that had to be cut short due to the participant's limitations in the ring. I guess my preference would have been more matches that could and SHOULD have gone 10 plus minutes and less Diva/Khali matches on the card would have sat better with me. Maybe a tag team or cruiserweight match or mid-card match, but hey, what do I know? I guess my taste in Wrestlemania cards, like the match lengths just comes up short.
6 Degrees of…
Double C, Cory Cotton, aka Fred Smith, aka Sanjaya Dutt, etc, etc. Seems to have an identity crisis:
You know, in all my excitement on submitting my 6DO entry last week, I completely forgot to sign my e-mail with my now famous moniker Double C, aka Corey Cotton. (I guess my "either way, I can't seem to crack 2nd place" comment didn't give me away.) Fred Smith is just one of my aliases, along with Lance Manion and Max Power. I'll be sure to sign all my e-mails in the future.
So after seven entries, I was finally able to conquer the 6DO mountain. Touchdown, extra point is good. For this week's 6DO, I go back to my youth and one of my favourite television shows, The Dukes Of Hazzard. I mean, who didn't love watching the General Lee make jump after jump without so much as damage to its shocks and/or axles? And Daisy?...mmm, Daisy. Anyway, I'd love to see a 6DO with the immortal Luke Duke himself, Tom Wopat.
I'm swearing that we had Tom Wopat in this thing before…but, then for me to find out would require digging through weeks and weeks of 6DO to find out. Or I could get organized and create some kind of spreadsheet and….eh… I'm sick (again) this week so screw it. I think it's fitting to match one "Duke" to another so this week we have…
Duke "The Dumpster" Droese. Wow…how did THAT gimmick not get over? Okay kids, I won't waste time talkin' about the MANY great matches and MANY memorable moments of "The Dumpsters" career because this is only a one part column this week so dig in and smell the pungent aroma of victory next week if you link these two Dukes successfully.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Got this random e-mail last week from someone I'll let remain anonymous:
if you go over to NODQ.COM it gives the latest news on Goldberg and TNA. just look under TNA headlines on NODQ.COM. it looks like Goldberg is going to be in TNA. God i hope this isnt true but it looks that way. go there read it and tell me what your thoughts are?
So either this is a joke or this is a…. joke. Look, Goldberg ain't going to TNA. Although it would pop the buyrate for a single PPV, well, make that 2 if they build up hinting at him debuting one show then have him actually wrestle another, but I doubt it would be worth the money. He's a "name" but he's done as a performer. Paying him "Sting money" or better to show up wouldn't be worth it and would likely hurt the rest of the roster in the process. If anything I would think trying to lure Chris Jericho, Brock Lesner, RVD, or even
Tony Montana sent me an e-mail asking about my WM23 plans and the possibility of meeting up at Nationals Bar and Grill, where I've made a few appearances for a cheap PPV viewing. Alas I didn't see Tony anywhere. You know, a sign or something would have helped though, maybe a TBT t-shirt or TBT novelty foam finger. Oh well, hope he had a good viewing as I will admit the whole Smark vs Mark atmosphere during most matches always adds to the experience of Wrestlemania. Especially for the guy wearing the full on John Cena Jersey. I guess "Thuganomics" is the economic theory that the utility of using your money on Cena swag outweighs the potential utility of spending it on, I dunno… car payments and deodorant. "The Stank is HERE!!"
6 Degrees Results
Not a ot to choose from this week:
#2
As for this week's entry, gotta say, being Canadian I do love the Scott Stevens link. Bravo.
1. Scott Stevens played most of his career with the New Jersey Devils, a team once called a "Mickey Mouse organization" by Wayne Gretzky after the Edmonton Oilers beat then 13-4 in 1983.
2. Wayne Gretzky is married to Janet Jones (the Yoko Ono of hockey).
3. Janet Jones was in the 1995 movie "Tough and Deadly", which starred Rowdy Roddy Piper.
4. It was in a 1987 edition of Rowdy Roddy Piper's Piper's Pit where Andre The Giant turned on Hulk Hogan, setting up their famous Wrestlemania III match.
5. During this Wrestlemania III match, Andre The Giant was managed by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, who also managed The Brooklyn Brawler.
6. The Brooklyn Brawler was played by Steve Lombardi, who was also one of the many people behind the make-up and hair of Doink The Clown.
Double C, aka Corey Cotton
If it wasn't for the old "Last week's winner can't win this week" unofficial rule CC would have pocketed yet another win.
#1.
That means that almost by default the winner is....
1. Scott Stevens played hockey for the New Jersey Devils
2. The New Jersey Devils won the Stanley Cup in 1995.
3. The year before 1995, the Stanley Cup was won by the New York Rangers
4. The New York Rangers had a player in the early 70's by the name Ted Irvine
5. Ted Irvine happens to be the father of Chris Jericho.
6. In order to ambush William Regal before Wrestlemania 17, Chris Jericho dressed up as Doink the Clown
For the record, this is my first Six Degrees of entry, and I'm not Canadian. I'm actually from Mississippi.
Thomas Williams
Well congrats Thomas you won this week. Although it's kind of like being the best wrestler in the history of Diva Search winners, but I'm sure you'll take it. I'm surprised that a guy from Mississippi knew so much about hockey, what with all the other sports available to you like...um....I dunno....possum hunting and cock fighting? That's beside the point as I think that we have to focus on here is that...Canadians don't really like Hockey. Or...don't read my column. Hmm....how the hell can I cut into Randle's readership? More hot Canadian chicks? Wait... we've all seen those racy Celine Dion picks already right? Okay T-Will, I expect a masterful selection for next week's entry so get to it.
Left Overs…
2007 is Sting's last year as an active wrestler huh? I guess I could buy that. I hear other people saying that he might eventually jump to the "e" for a short run just to make a few bucks and maybe get into the Hall of Fame. Which is okay except for 1) I'm sure he doesn't need the payday from Vince, and 2) the HoF isn't really a place like Cooperstown, it's like an on-line archive. Besides, he never even wrestled for the "e" so why would he give an "f" about being in their HoF? It's like if I tried to win a "Great Positivity Debate" even though my column is the smarkiest thing on Thursdays other than "The Office"…oh wait…I remember now…shit…nevermind then.
Why was the Boogeyman/Trump segment just awkward as hell with Trump no- selling Boogeyman. Then again, I could see why the former Ms. USA high tailed it out of there, I'm sure she has had enough ‘worms' in her mouth for one year after somehow "convincing" Trump to let her keep her crown. "I'm the BOOGEYMAN, and I'm coming…", "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, just not in my hair okay?"
Why would I not be surprised to see Tara Connors in the 2007 WWE? Then again I hear she does have some "problems". Coke habit? Check. Drinking problem? Check. Seen making out with teenage girls? Check. Whoring herself out to a "Billionaire" in order to boost his ego while trying to create some kind of ‘controversy'? Check. Wait is she on ‘roid? No? Okay, maybe next year.
A note for anyone who enjoys watching Civil War era battles reenacted, on 4/27 in Memphis Hulk Hogan will face Jerry "The King" Lawler. And just like in the Civil War the South will NOT rise again…after the big leg drop that is.
Jim Cornette is back in RoH to take out Homicide. Which is great, so now we have "face" Cornette not being able to control LAX and "heel" Homicide in TNA and Cornette as a crazed "heel" vigilante against "face" Homicide in RoH. I'm fairly sure on SHIMMER shows they both appear as "tweeners" but I can't be positive.
Hey ECW, you ready for the "Second City Saints"?? Colt Cabana has officially signed a developmental deal with the WWE and is on his way to OVW come the beginning of May. If they don't all reunite on ECW then I could see Colt going to RAW, that way Jeff Hardy wouldn't be the only "Flying Asshole" on Monday Nights.
Mark Briscoe will be out at least a few weeks with a concussion via the Shooting Star Botch, BJ Whitmer has a neck injury and will be out a few weeks healing, and Jimmy Jacob's torn ACL will keep him out 6 to 9 months. With all the TNA guys rumored to be pulling out soon and Jimmy Rave already hurt. RoH is going to need someone to step up and take the lead. Did someone call for XAVIER to come back and lead the company as World Champion?? No? Oh, my bad, that call must have been to Bobby Dempsey. Only you, oh Fat Sammy Hagar wanna be, can lead us to the promise land.
YAY!! Rocky Romero (as predicted by yours truly) was announced as the newest member of the "No Remorse Corp". He and Davey Richards promptly lost to Jack Evans and Naruki Doi, BOO!! So I guess debuting a stable in RoH is like wrestling in your hometown in the "e". Unless you're good ol' JR. Cuz' Rocky was neither fired nor kicked in the nuts.
Speaking of the NRC, they will battle Austin Aries/Matt Cross and the newest member of the "Dogs of War" (Get it? Aries is the god of war and M-Dogg…alright, screw you guys) at the Long Island show in a little over a week. Sources say that it could be either Delirious, Claudio Castagnoli, or my darkhorse candidate…Necro Butcher. Cuz' Aries finishes with a 450 splash, and M-Dogg's SSP is basically an inverted 450 splash, so it only makes sense to have a 3rd guy just punch people in the face. Yeah, do the math: 450 degrees + (450 degrees) = Punch in the Face. See? I ever showed my work for full credit.
We all knew that RoH anti-christ Chris Hero had balls, but now he has a "Dick" to go with them. Tank Toland that is. Along with his manager, "Sweet n' Sour" Larry Sweeney Hero has a stable of his own. Bringing the grand total to roughly 94 stables now in RoH if you count Cornette's return. Well Jack Evans better get off his ass and pick his FIRST stable-mate before all the good ones are taken. It's kind of like around homecoming when all your buddies get a date and you're the last one left and you are searching for someone to take and you end up with Pelle Primeau. Wait, did I mix metaphors? Or did I just out Pelle?
Okay, now I'm thinking this would have been a MUCH BETTER entrance for Cena at WM, but I have a feeling they're saving it for Randy Orton's Main Event next year....enjoy!! (btw JT, you're welcome)
You know, maybe it's just me, but John Cena does one of the best sells to "Sweet Chin Music" since Lita. Except for her when HBK couldn't get reach far enough it was also known as a "neck-ial".
PWG's All-Star Weekend 5. Featuring more half naked oiled up Japanese folks than a regular edition of Truth B Told. Except mine have boobies. Wait…oh, nevermind, Morishima isn't on the card.
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
"Real men wear Pink"...yep, I'd wear here like a jock strap.
Tell me if this sounds familiar but Torrie Wilson is valeting for Carlito who is Ric Flair's protégé. Now, if I'm not mistaken wasn't she part of an angle with Flair in WCW involving his son David? Dang, you just know how this is going to end and my guess is it has Carlito polishing his own apple as The Nature Boy is mashing those Idaho spuds.
No, you weren't imagining it, HBK had a handful of "Thug Life" right before the ‘finishing sequence' which…is usually how that works out in real life too.
I don't know why Vince feels so humiliated. A lot of ridiculously rich and famous people shave themselves bald on purpose: Michael Jordan, Jack Nicholson, Paris Hilton… oh…you thought I meant from the waist UP. Love those paparazzi.
Pimpin' In High Places
Yeah, yeah, I KNOW, I KNOW, everyone and their gay lover did a review of Wrestlemania this week, but hey, the column was half done on Monday morning, so what do you want? Besides, you can always compare and contrast the ratings at least right?...Right? Damn it.:
Ask 411 is on Weds. leaving Thursdays all to me…and…like 59 other newbies. Crap, I guess that makes me the Simon Dean of OVW now.
Jules reviews WM23. No Top 10 lists this time... which means he owes us a Top 20 list next week.
Clark wraps ups WM....damn....who knew I wasn't the only one with this idea... maybe next year I do a review of Bash at the Beach 1997 instead.
O'Dog is the voice of reason as he too thought the ‘Tista/'Taker match was the real money match-up. I highly suggest you click the link and take a few minutes out to see where I'm coming from.
New kid on the Block Mike Minotti debuts with a look at would be champs in the MitB match. Which is a hell of a lot easier than during the CW battle royal last year. Way to take the easy way out newbie.
Sarnecky's Championship tournament continues. I can't disagree with the final two battling for the championship too much. Then again who wouldn't love to see David and Teddy battle it out instead? Oh, everyone I guess.
CoH was manhandled by Chris Hero this week. Which has always been a secret fantasy by Ari...wait, did he mean his column or his "column"...*wink wink*.
Threat x 3 had their picks for WM. How did they do? Well, take a look to find out....okay, quick spoiler, no one picked Khali to win. Yeah, I'm as surprised as anyone, because everyone knows WM38 is going to be all about Khali tying "The Streak".
Berman features Punk and Cabana teaming up in RoH. Too bad it's not in CHIKARA because Punk and Cabana vs Munk and Cabunny would be a license to print free hooker coupons.
Evo Scheme is back, so check it out before it disappears again, or before Sforcina is killed by rabid Koalas and replaced by a damn Heat Recapper. Damn those evil furry bastards...DAMN THEM!! I'm talkin' about the Heat guys.
D-Dubya may not have any screwjobs, but he does have his own take on WM23. Which includes giving the HBK/Cena match a near perfect *****. I'm assuming he docked the match a ½* because HBK was wearing the long pants and not the denim cut offs he likes so much. That's just HBGay.
Special shoutout to Arnold Furious for stepping up big time and re-capping Wrestlemania as Csonka was out, probably hunting human beings (the most cunning or prey) for sport…he enjoys that kind of thing, I should know I still have this itchy yellow tag attached to my left ear. While the general tone of my column this week may not have eluded to it, I did in fact enjoy Wrestlemania. I think the big crowd at the bar really added to the atmosphere, even if the lackluster cheese sticks didn't. If it wasn't for a conflict between a friend's dog and my allergies, I might have been able to watch the show a lot closer to home however, but what can you do? The show accomplished a lot and overall had some good moments, but I just can't shake the feeling that they really needed to put ‘Taker's win up last for that great WM feel. Leaving it with HBK's refusal to shake Cena's hand made it feel like it was just chapter 3 of their feud and not a definitive moment as I feel WM should be. But hey, that's just splitting hairs. Which HBK can't really afford to do anymore. Oh for those of you who feel like writing in to complain about my lack of respect for the match, just take a deep breath first, count to 10 and click THIS!! Ahhh, feel better now? Well if you're in SoCal, and have nothing better to do on a Saturday or Sunday (Easter what? Who rose from the what now?) then make a trip down to the Van Nuys Armory for PWG's All-Star Weekend 5. seriously, go check out the line-up, top notch, and if you had a black box or mooched off your buddy to watch WM for free, then put that $50 to good use. Hell, I'd assume that night 2 will have plenty of room anyways OR have the largest Jewish population of any show to date. I wonder if Ari or any of the other Jewish staff would buy a ticket to come over to the left coast… I mean, you guys killed Jesus anyways right? Why worry about blowing him off now? *j/k…I love you Kosher bastards, Happy Passover... Mazel Tov!!*
