That Was Then 4.6.07: Addicted To MySpace!

Posted by Sam Caplan on 04.06.2007

But what's wrong with being addicted to MySpace? Does it mean I can't make a column out of a MySpace survey? I hope not, because if it does then I'm in trouble.

Okay, I admit it, I'm a loser. No, not because of the wrestling thing, although that's certainly a part of the formula. The real reason I'm a loser is because I'm addicted to MySpace. I first signed up for it last July to give me somewhere to put all the stuff I write that doesn't fall under the wrestling umbrella, but pretty soon I became addicted to those surveys that people fill out and then send to all their friends in a bulletin. I'm not the busiest person in the world at my job, and sometimes do like three a day. So to do something a little different this week and give us a little time to cool off after Wrestlemania, I decided to combine my two greatest writing pastimes and fill out this little gem I found: The Ultimate Wrestling Survey! To make it a little more interesting, I'm going to fill out the survey and also provide some explanation of my answers as well to at least make it a little interesting.

Leave it to me to fill out a MySpace survey and pass it off as a column. I have no shame.

Top 5 Wrestlers Of All-Time

5)Steve Austin (There's no doubt that he was the flagbearer for the Attitude Era, and despite some pretty bad injuries, still managed to put together a series of good to great matches. The only reason he's this low on the list is because he had such a short run at the top. If he was still wrestling, he'd almost certainly be higher.)

4)Bret Hart (It really pains me to put him this far down on the list, but if I'm being honest with myself, the top three are that much better. That's no knock on Bret, because he could have a good match with anyone, but his WWF career was cut short just as he was hitting his greatest groove as a character in his entire career and they totally misused him in WCW. I consider it a testament that, based on that, he's my #4 based on little more than sheer talent.)

3)Ric Flair (He was the centerpiece of the NWA in the same way as Hulk Hogan was the centerpiece of the WWF, but the reason he's here and Hogan isn't is because of what a great worker he was in addition to being a great promo. On top of all that, he was in great shape and could go 60 minutes standing on his head. He often had to do that early on, too, because he was the last of the true, touring NWA World Champions.)

2)Kurt Angle (What can I say that hasn't already been said about how good he is? The guy's an awesome worker, an awesome talker, and his amateur background gives him credibility. He's one of those rare workers who can have a good match with a bad wrestler and a great match with a good one, and is so good that he brought guys like Chris Benoit and Eddy Guerrero up a notch with his work. THAT is impressive.)

1)Shawn Michaels (He's every bit the worker Angle is, every bit the talker that Angle is, but the big difference is that he proved himself in two different periods of WWE history instead of just one like Angle. In the 90s, he carried the WWF in terms of workrate, and was even able to carry guys like Scott Hall, Davey Boy Smith, and the Undertaker to ****+ matches. Then he came back years later after a back injury and showed that he still had it, having awesome matches with Triple H, Chris Jericho, and even Hulk Hogan. His series with Chris Benoit in 2004 was great and his feud with Kurt Angle in 2005 was off the charts. His ability to look like he's getting killed tells a great story in and of itself, and his athleticism and daredevil style just adds on top of that. There's never been any better.)

Top 5 Entrance Music's Of All-Time

5)CM Punk (While I really went out of my way not to include any ROH so that everyone could relate, I had to include this. His ROH entrance with Miseria Cantare and the light show was one of the coolest entrances I've ever seen, and anyone who never got to experience it live seriously missed out. It made him look like a big deal before he even began his match.)

4)Ric Flair (The music from 2001: A Space Odyssey was a perfect fit for Ric Flair. When that music hit and you saw Ric Flair walking to the ring with his long blond hair and extravagant robe, you said to yourself "This guy is a champion." And what better way to feel about a guy who's held that title more than anyone else in history?)

3)Degeneration X (While it might not seem like anything special by today's standards, if you go back to the WWF in 1997, the promotion as a whole was a lot more cartoonish in general and the entrance music reflected this. Degeneration X's entrance, with the lights, unique sound, and the DX video strobed in with the live feed from Raw, it was like nothing anybody had ever done in wrestling before, and the music went a long way toward establishing them as the top heel act in the WWF.)

2)Hulk Hogan (Yes, Hulk Hogan's entrance and postmatch routine posing to Real American is little more than a punchline today, but it was almost the signature theme of the WWF back in the 80s and early 90s, as nearly every PPV ended with Real American playing and Hogan posing for upward of 10 minutes. It became such a staple of WWF shows at the time that it's impossible not to include this high.)

1)Steve Austin (This entrance music tops the list because it popped crowds like no other entrance music in wrestling. It got such a pop that they would often introduce the opponent, then wait like thirty seconds to a minute before hitting Austin's music, and as soon as you heard the glass shatter, the crowd just blew up. I saw it in Madison Square Garden enough to know that Austin never even had to wrestle, just being there was enough and the music was a big part of his aura. It also fit in perfectly with his postmatch beer bashes, especially when the music would stop as Austin offered a beer to a foe or "friend", then surprise him with a kick to the gut and another stunner, and the music would start again.)

Top 5 Finishing Moves Of All-Time

5)Sweet Chin Music (While not the most visually stunning move of all time, you knew that if Shawn hit it, the match was likely about to end. It was also a move he could hit out of nowhere, and even in extreme cases where he was getting seriously beat down, he did hit it out of nowhere and knocked his opponent cold to add drama to the match. No matter who you were, if Shawn Michaels hit it on you, you were going out.)

4)Powerbomb (Back in the days before it was a move casually used during indy wrestling comebacks, there were three men whose powerbomb were among the most feared moves in the sport: Vader, Sid, and Diesel. While smaller guys like Eddy Guerrero and Dean Malenko used the powerbomb as a weardown move, the three big men with whom the move became most associated had these insane powerbombs where they would lift their opponent high in the air and then drop them at such a sick angle that it looked like it caused permanent damage every time out.)

3)Tombstone (Another move that spelled certain doom to anyone who took it, this one became special by being banned for several years when the WWF put a ban on piledrivers across the board and, sadly, the Undertaker and Kane were included in this. The only exception in which the Tombstone was broken out came exactly once a year when the Undertaker would use it to finish off his Wrestlemania opponent. By the time he began using the move regularly again after reverting to the Deadman character, it had been out of play so long that it became not just a deadly move, but a special one as well, especially in light of the reduced schedule the Undertaker had taken following his return.)

2)Sharpshooter (The only submission hold on my list, the Sharpshooter was a move that worked on the legs and back of an opponent and if the opponent was severely beaten, like Steve Austin at Wrestlemania 13, it could be used to make the opponent pass out entirely (as Austin did). While it didn't always spell the end of Bret Hart matches, it was a respected enough hold that it was known to cause serious damage even when someone escaped the hold, and even after the retirement of Bret Hart, several other Canadian wrestlers have used it in tribute, most notably Chris Benoit.)

1)Stone Cold Stunner (Not only was this one of the coolest and most powerful finishing moves out there, but one of the most popular. It was so popular, in fact, that Austin could pop a crowd just by hitting it on Vince McMahon, Bret Hart, or whever else made the mistake of trusting him. It came quickly and out of nowhere and spelled the end for nearly everyone Austin hit with it.)

Top 5 Feuds Of All-Time

5)Bret Hart vs Steve Austin

This was originally designed to be the feud to reintroduce Bret to the WWF after his hasty departure after Wrestlemania 12. It was only supposed to be a short feud with Bret going over on his way to his rematch with Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 13. What ended up happening was that fan sentiment changed the course of the feud and, ultimately the WWF, and instead of getting Michaels at Wrestlemania, Bret faced Austin and pulled off, by my estimation, the greatest double turn ever. This feud turned Austin into the biggest babyface of the Attitude Era, a time during which he carried the WWF to a level it had never been at even in the days of Hogan. None of it would probably have ever happened if not for this feud.

4)Bret Hart vs Shawn Michaels

Speaking of Bret Hart, while the scheduled rematch between the two at Wrestlemania 13 was cancelled, this incredibly personal feud took place mostly outside the ring, as they did not face each other on TV once between Wrestlemania 12 and Survivor Series 1997. Instead, they just sniped back and forth at each other with snide remarks every so often, but that quickly turned into an on-screen verbal war and eventually legit backstage heat. By the time Survivor Series rolled around, they legitimately hated each other, and the WWF wasn't big enough for the both of them. The promos they cut on each other, especially face-to-face, were some of my favorite promos ever from either man, and when Bret got screwed in Montreal, it was a blow to his career from which he never recovered, and he's still bitter about it to this day.

3)Freebirds vs Von Erichs

This feud made the Dallas territory. The Von Erichs were already popular, but their popularity reached all time heights during the brutal and incredibly personal war with the Freebirds. The Freebirds, on the other hand, were heat machines just based on the fact that they were the sworn enemies of the Von Erichs, but having Michael Hayes running his mouth for them all the time pushed the heat through the roof and they were really, truly hated men in Texas. This led to a years-long war during which they would trade wins and losses, but making money all the way. In fact, after this feud finished, the territory began a decline from which it never recovered.

2)NWO vs WCW

I consider this feud to be the one which brought wrestling into the true modern era. Both the WWF and WCW were very cartoonish in their presentation in 1996, but Scott Hall and Kevin Nash showing up unnanounced on Monday Nitro and challenging WCW to a war changed that forever. This went beyond a typical wrestling feud, because for the first time there was a threat that wasn't just interesting in winning titles, but actually driving the company out of business. They also weren't your standard heels who would cheat and sneak attack, but cower in fear when the babyfaces rallied against them. They did cheat and sneak attack people, but unlike most heels of the past, they stood their ground when the babyfaces confronted them and, more often than not, they won. They were the first cool heels, even before Steve Austin. The feud between WCW and the NWO raged on for years, and during that time WCW drew money and ratings like it never had before, and this propelled WCW ahead of the WWF for the first time ever. Eventually the feud dragged on too long and outgrew itself, but it was a revolutionary concept at the time, and without it the WWF may never have been pushed to do the angles and push the wrestlers who became synonymous with the Attitude Era.

1)Steve Austin vs Vince McMahon

The feud with Bret Hart made Steve Austin a main eventer, but this feud made him a superstar. Vince McMahon became a hated man in the fallout of the Montreal Screrwjob, and he did the smart thing by parlaying that into a feud with the biggest babyface he ever had, and it led to years of prosperity and a ton of money for everyone involved. This feud also took the WWF from a freak sideshow and, for a time at least, made it into a legitimate pop culture mainstay. It also brought the company back to the top of the industry, where it remains today.

Quick Hit Questions

Best stable of all-time?

The New World Order. Sorry Horsemen fans, but while the Horsemen were undoubtedly the top wrestling stable of the 80s, that's all they were: a stable. The NWO was a wrestling revolution that singlehandedly turned the tide of the WWF-WCW war firmly to the WCW side, changed the face/heel lines for years to come, and revitalized the careers of men who were thought to be washed up.

Who is the greatest wrestler (in your opinion) to never win a World Title?

Scott Hall. I think he was his own worst enemy in that he very well could have been World Champion except that his personal problems made him more than a little bit unreliable. While he wasn't the most spectacular wrestler ever, he had his big spots, he could talk, and even to this day he can pop a crowd. It's a shame he never hit that top level.

What does TNA need to do to become a legitimate player?

Oh boy, where do I begin? Well, I think it would be a great idea to take a great idea from WSX and webcast a second hour of Impact each week to give themselves time to develop stories a lot more without having to rush through everything in an hour. Also, start to be a little more careful which WWE guys you pick up. Kurt Angle and Christian Cage worked out well, but what have Team 3D and Tomko added to the company? Also, make wins and losses mean more than they do now (which has never been Vince Russo's strong point) and LESS COMEDY (which has definitely never been Vince Russo's strong point).

Outside of WWE and TNA, what is the one promotion people should be watching?

Ring Of Honor. Come on, did you expect me to say anything else? The matches are top notch, the storylines make sense, and the promotion overall gives you plenty of reasons to care about it and its performers, both in a storyline sense and as people. Put it this way, remember how upset ROH fans were when CM Punk went to WWE? How many people even batted an eye when Monty Brown left TNA for WWE?

John Cena: Your thoughts?

He's obviously very limited as a wrestler, but to his credit he works very hard and never lets the boos get to him. He's got an unbelievably tough schedule as the top guy in the company, but hasn't cracked yet or developed a superstar attitude. He's got a lot of charisma, but that works better with some crowds than others.

Top 5 Moments Of All-Time

5.Arn Anderson gives Curt Hennig his spot in the Horsemen: The whole thing was shot to hell a week later when the NWO parodied it (although the parody was very funny), but at the time this was a big deal because it was very real. Arn Anderson and Ric Flair are good friends in real life, and watching a proud man like Arn Anderson have to admit that he can't do it anymore and then offer his spot as the only permanent Horseman to Curt Hennig while Flair stood there watching it all was a very powerful moment.

4.The Raw/Nitro Simulcast: This was huge because it was something nobody thought we'd ever see. Vince McMahon had bought his competition, he had won the Monday Night Wars, and here he stood in the middle of the ring being seen on both USA and TNT, and as the final edition of Nitro closed with a promo from Vince McMahon and an ad for Wrestlemania X-7, all I thought about was how surreal this was.

3.Hulk Hogan joins the NWO: This was very shocking. I think it's lost on today's fans who see people flip-flop from face to heel and back so many times in a relatively short period that they don't realize how huge it was for Hogan, who had ALWAYS been positioned as the top face in whatever company he worked for from 1984 to 1996, TWELVE YEARS, to not just turn on his friend Randy Savage, not just WCW, but all the fans and then go on to say things to all of them that you NEVER expected to hear come out of his mouth.

2.Hulk Hogan slams Andre The Giant: A lot of people consider this the greatest moment of all time, but it sits at my number two. Still, you had the unbeatable monster of the 70s, 7'4" and 500 pound Andre going out there to, presumably, beat Hogan up and take his title, and here Hogan bowls him over with a single clothesline, then do what the national audience had never seen done and slam Andre, then hit his legdrop and pin him in from of the country and the world for the (kayfabed) first time ever.

1.The Montreal Screwjob: This was huge for a number of reasons. Number one, the Bret Hart-Shawn Michaels conflict had gotten out of hand and one of them would have to leave. Obviously that was Bret, but when he was screwed live on PPV, it was the first time that a breach of kayfabe of that magnitude had ever been seen on national television, and it had several long-term effects. Bret's career would never be the same and he never truly forgave the man he worked for for 13 years. Shawn Michaels became the top heel and would have probably remained that way if he hadn't hurt his back two months later and been forced to drop the WWF Title to Steve Austin, who rode a huge wave of momentum to supplant both Bret and Shawn as the undisputed top dog in the company. But perhaps most importantly, it was the catalyst by which the evil Mr McMahon character was created, first to feud with Steve Austin, and even going as far as to be a part of a feature match at Wrestlemania a full ten years later.

Top 5 Matches Of All-Time

5.Kurt Angle vs Chris Benoit (Royal Rumble 2003): This was one of those rare matches that had no real build and you never seriously expected Benoit to beat Angle and get the title, but the match unexpectedly being so good for being on the undercard made it that much better because you didn't expect it to be a classic, which it ended up being. I still don't think any match this decade (even Michaels vs Angle from WM21) has come close.

4.Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker (Hell In A Cell, Badd Blood 1997): Boy, they weren't kidding when they said this wasn't going to be just another cage match. One of the great things about Shawn Michaels is that he's great at looking like he's getting fucking murdered in the ring, and this was probably his best performance in that respect, ever. What began as vague promises of a cool gimmick match quickly turned into Shawn Michaels literally fighting for his life against the Undertaker, who was gleefully beating him within an inch of his life. The Kane appearance was a bit of a screwy, Deus Ex Machina finish, but it was a cool moment and the sight of a bloody, nearly unconscious Shawn Michaels crawling over and making the cover, dripping blood everywhere, and then having to be carried out of the ring was the perfect ending to a perfect match.

3.Steve Austin vs Bret Hart (I Quit, Wrestlemania 13): I've written so much about this match recently that I won't do it again, but awesome match, awesome finish, and awesome double turn equals overall awesomeness.

2.Hulk Hogan vs Andre The Giant (Wrestlemania 3): Once again, this match was the pinnacle of the Hogan Era and was probably the biggest match Vince McMahon ever promoted. Easily the most famous main event of all time, and the slam was one of the most famous moments in wrestling history. The only problem was that it was a terrible match, which brings me to...

1.Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat (2/3 Falls, Clash Of the Champions 6): As far as I'm concerned, this is the match by which all other matches are judged in terms of workrate and psychology. They went 55 minutes and the build to each fall was masterfully done. The wrestling was superb, and as lightly as Ric Flair was known to seem to take some matches, you can tell that both he and Steamboat were taking this very, very seriously. This puts everything else to shame: Angle-Benoit, Hart-Austin, everything. The best part was that we didn't even have to pay to see it because it was on TBS!

Top 5 Events Of All-Time

5.Slamboree 1994: This is one of my favorite shows for two reasons. Number one is the obvious, the show was chock full of great matches, including an unexpected, yet typically awesome Sting-Vader match that was just made the day of the show. But besides that, it was the last "old" WCW show before Hulk Hogan showed up and changed everything forever.

4.Summerslam 1991: Again, this is largely due to personal bias, but this was the first PPV I ever saw and luckily it was a good one. Of course you had the awesome Hart-Hennig match, but also good dramatic matches in Dibiase-Virgil and Bossman-Mountie, the Road Warriors winning the WWF Tag Team Title and becoming the only team to hold that, the AWA, and NWA Titles, a fun main event, and of course the Savage-Elizabeth wedding. Not least of all, it was here in New York. It was a great night to be a wrestling fan.

3.Starrcade 1997: Yes, I know the main event had a really, really crappy finish, but regardless of how it turned out, this was WCW's biggest show ever and the amount of time and planning that went into building to and promoting this show was masterful, and I believe this drew the biggest buyrate WCW ever did by far. It had such a big, climactic feel and it really is unfortunate to have seen them screw it up, but Sting did end up winning the title, DDP won the US Title, and Nitro stayed out ofthe hands of the NWO. It was all downhill from here, unfortunately.

2.Wrestlemania 3: Total two match show, as there really wasn't anything special at all outside of Hogan-Andre and Savage-Steamboat, but those two matches were the best of the 80s WWF in terms of a huge angle and workrate, respectively.

1.Wrestlemania X-7: I don't think there's any way anyone can dispute this. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Great American Bash 1989 doesn't even come close to this or anything else on the list in terms of an overall package. This show was the greatest of all time, it had tons of off the charts matches, it had great storytelling in the DX breakup, Vince-Shane-Stephanie-Trish angle, and Austin heel turn (rejected though it may have been), and what I still consider to be the best main event of any Wrestlemania. Plus, you had to love the Gimmick Battle Royal, although it's a shame that Michael Hayes didn't go over in his return to Texas. Oh well, I guess you can't have everything.

More Quick Hits

What is the best piece of wrestling merchandise in history?

Those vibrating action figures that WCW came out with about ten years ago. I don't know what they were thinking by letting something like that out the door, but I have a Lex Luger vibrator and I've terrorized many a girlfriend with it since.

Wrestlemania 23, what's the brands' main events?

John Cena vs Shawn Michaels for the WWE Title, Batista vs Undertaker for the World Title, and depending on how you look at it, Bobby Lashley vs Umaga or the ECW Originals vs the New Breed.

Is wrestling too "nostalgic" for its own good these days?

I don't think so. Yes, DX is being pushed hard, but they're over, so what're you going to do? Depush them so the young guys can get the top spots even if they're not ready for them? Is that any better than holding the young guys down in favor of the older guys keeping their spots? People have wanted to see the Hardyz reunite for years, so I don't see anything wrong with that. Undertaker's been mostly working part time for three years now, but he's always done everything the company's asked of him and he's always been a total professional, and I think he deserves what will probably be his last run at the top. They are finally starting to do something about building up new talent besides John Cena, the most notable being Bobby Lashley, but Umaga, Johnny Nitro and Melina, CM Punk, and the entire New Breed, just to name a few, are becoming major players on their respective shows, and it's clear that these are the chosen ones to be groomed for the top in years to come.

When did you become a wrestling fan?

Spring of 1991, I was flipping channels and I found USWA Texas on ESPN. I first started watching it out of perverse amusement, but soon found myself watching it every day, and then later the GWF when that took over the territory. I was actually several months before I ever watched a WWF or WCW show, and as a result I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the Dallas wrestling style, even if a lot of other people find it boring.

CM Punk, the real deal?

Absolutely, the guy is the total package. He can work, he can talk, he's got great facial expressions, he can bleed like a motherfucker, and he can work any style. He's great as a babyface and a heel. He's got a unique look. The best part is that he's totally drug free to the point where he didn't even take painkillers when he fractured his skull some years back, so he's not a Wellness liability and still looks good without any "outside influences". Now that WWE seems to be coming around and realizing the potential he has, I don't see any way he doesn't become a huge star.

Finally...Yay or Nay?

Triple H?

Yay. Say what you will about him, but he's a great worker who can carry those less capable and has respect and a head for the business.

Shawn Michaels?

Yay. Did you expect me to say otherwise? He's the greatest ever.

Edge?

Yay. Very interesting character, good worker. He'll help carry WWE for years to come.

Big Show?

Yay. I don't know if enough people appreciated what he did for the new ECW brand until he left and it all went to hell.

RVD?

Nay. He still is really good when he's motivated...but he often isn't.

Sandman?

Nay. Sorry, but he doesn't work on a national level.

Sabu?

Yay. His style now is a broken down version of what it was in the early 90s when he helped revolutionize the business and the cruiserweight style.

King Booker?

Yay. It took him time, but he finally became the right kind of worker/character to be given a World Title in WWE.

Batista?

Nay. The guy's a fucking slug, he's undermotivated, and he's got a prima donna attitude. Fuck him.

Finlay?

Yay. I don't want to see him as World Champion, but he's a very entertaining midcard guy.

Chris Benoit?

Yay. He can still bring it in when he wants to, but he's been spinning his wheels in the midcard for so long that it'll take something good to motivate him to a great performance these days.

Lashley?

Nay. He tries hard, but is death on the stick and remarkably inept for someone with a serious amateur background.

Umaga?

Yay. He's the kind of monster heel the WWE hasn't had since Kane debuted in 1997.

Undertaker?

Yay. I don't even feel like I need to explain myself on this one.

Kane?

Nay. Speaking of Kane in 1997, he hasn't meant anything since then because he's gotten mired in so many stupid pointless feuds and made to look like a loser against the wrong guys to the point where nobody takes him seriously anymore as anything other than the guy the new monsters like Umaga and Khali beat to build themselves up.

Mick Foley?

Nay...now. Mick Foley was one of the greatest promos and in-ring storytellers in the business in his prime, but with each successive return, that becomes less and less the case.

Ric Flair?

Again, nay now. He was without a doubt the greatest all-around package in the 80s and early 90s, but watching him in the ring today is just downright embarrassing. He shoots his legacy in the ass more and more with each match.

Spirit Squad?

Nay. Supposedly they have tons of potential as workers, but it was hard to tell when they were just getting beat up by DX each week. If they come back and actually get some offense occasionally, then we'll see.

Johnny Nitro?

Yay. I look at him as the same as Shawn Michaels was in 1992-93, and I see the same kind of future for him.

Mr Kennedy?

Yay. I wasn't sold at first, but this guy carried Batista really well at the Royal Rumble, so I've changed my tune.

Rey Mysterio?

Nay. Big time Nay. This guy does not deserve half the push he's gotten throughout his career, and the "World Title reign" was fucking pitiful.

Hulk Hogan?

Yay. He made the business what it is, simple as that. I don't want to see him on TV each week now, but once in a while is okay...as long as he doesn't go over Shawn Michaels anymore!

Vince McMahon?

Yay. He's the man who made the man who made the business what it is, and continued to make it with other people after the man who made it was gone. He's also a tremendously entertaining TV personality when he's on and not getting too stupid with his angles.

Shane McMahon?

Yay. He's a fun TV character, although I don't know how bad I should feel for him for getting elbowed out of creative control by Steph and Triple H.

Eric Bischoff?

Yay. I don't think people have enough respect for what he did to build WCW and what kinds of crap he had to deal with from Turner execs while he was running the show.

Paul Heyman?

Nay. I've heard about how great a booker he is and there was some damn interesting stuff in the original ECW, but he sunk the company with his poor administration and bookkeeping skills, hasn't proven to me that he can book an interesting product with national appeal, and can't even keep himself working at WWE, who seems to worried about what he will do if they let him go. I honestly don't think they'd have much to worry about.

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Okay, I know there's going to be tons of opinions on this, so feel free to write me at [e-mail] and give me some good feedback to go in the Sunday News. I'll be back in tomorrow with Friendly Competition. Later.