The Ripple Effect 4.6.07: WrestleMania Extravaganza
Posted by Zac Calhoun on 04.06.2007
Right before I take a week off, we go balls to the wall with everything WM, including analysis, wrap-up, even some speculation. I think we can put the whole show to bed after this week.
Like a church girl on prom night, I won't be giving you guys what I said I would.
To give you guys a little insight about my writing process, I usually complete the entire main section of the column by hand on a few pieces of notebook paper. I find I write more thoughtfully and completely when I physically put the words on paper. It gives me more time to connect with the words I guess. But when I went to the airport this morning en route to Minneapolis, I left the pieces of paper sitting right on my desk. And I didn't even realize it until it was too late to write the damn thing again.
So I'm tabling the section for now, and I'll most likely get it in next edition. If you guys just don't want to hear about WM anymore then, let me know.
Anyway…
The following statement is probably going to ruin my IWC credibility: Sunday night was the first time I've watched WrestleMania live in five years!
I've followed the sport of professional wrestling almost religiously since I was twelve years old, but my track record for watching PPV's has never been really strong. My parents didn't have any fancy cable service growing up, there was no place in my hometown (or the surrounding area) that played the shows, and pretty much none of my friends watched wrestling. Come to think of it, none of my friends now do either…except my esteemed colleagues at 411 that is.
Actually, my WM history has been pretty sordid since my Dad was nice enough to arrange for me to watch WM X-8. He tried to do it again the next year, but the show cut out five minutes in. For WM XX, I was competing in the Texas state debate tournament, and for the last two I've been at the collegiate national speech tournament. But this year lady luck moved nationals back a week, and I was all about WM 23!
So needless to say, just about every word in this column has something to do with WM. I know you guys aren't tired of discussing it yet.
E-Mails
This week's reader spotlight is turned again to Simon, who follows up his rather long (and good) letter from last week with an even longer one now:
Thank you for the words of appreciation of my previous email. Indeed, I do
agree with you on many of the points you mentioneded (but hell, as they say,
"great minds think alike"), specially in regards to Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy!).
The man is a certified championship material (and if the rumours which I heard
are that Vince himself likes him, I see a great future for him) and I would
not mind at all to see him winning and also taking his revenge on the
Undertaker. Though maybe not yet. But his time will come. Sooner or later -
and he can only get better.
Now onto the entire WM card...
My predictions below with the percentage rating showing how convinced I am as
to the outcome. Now, these are being written a few hours before WrestleMania,
by the time I post it/you receive you, the WM will probably be over. I'm
interested as to how they all turn out, as I won't be watching the PPV itself
until, earliest, Monday night, if not on Tuesday.
> WWE Championship
> John Cena C vs. Shawn Michaels
Now this could seriously go either way. I suspect Cena might have been
scheduled for retaining early on, but if this goes on last, Vince had booked
himself in the corner, as the crowd will boo the hell out of him and ending
the Mania on that note does certainly leave a bad aftertaste (see last year).
So IMO Michaels goes over for some 55-60%. btw expect Cena to be 'heeling' --
not a full turn, but for this one match, why not. Heeling to win, probably.
> World Heavyweight Championship
> Batista C vs. The Undertaker
Not much to say about this one. Even before reading all the internet gossip I
would say Undertaker goes over 99%. (btw am I the only one believing that SD!
got screwed for the fourth year in a row with the RAW title match main
eventing the WM? Specially in the light of this - and previous year - RR
winner challenging for the SD! title... in fact when you think about it, the
only time SD! title match was the WM main event was in the first year of the
brand extension - 2003 Lensar/Angle match... since then year by year it was
RAW (and usually Triple H) closing the biggest PPV each eyar...)
> Battle of the Billionaires
> Bobby Lashley (w/Donald Trump) vs. Umaga (w/Vince McMahon)
A no brainer. Lashley goes over here, 100%.
>"Money In the Bank" Ladder Match
>Edge vs. King Booker vs. Randy Orton vs. Finlay vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Mr.
Kennedy vs. CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy
Ah, it's true Edge is my pick. That said,
85% - Edge
14% - Kennedy
1% - Orton (hahaha, yeah, when pigs will fly)
Now the reason for me including these 3 is that these guys are the only ones I
could envision winning this thing (obviously stretching it in Orton's case) to
a bigger or lesser extent. And indeed, I agree that Edge should not be in this
match in the first place. That said, him winning it is probably also the
easiest way (specially for the lazy (un)creative) to put him back in the title
picture and in his case, he's the only one of the guys in the match, with whom
it's not "will he ever be the champion", but "when will he be the champion
(again)". Hence also the tradition of the MITB winner winning the title later
would be upheld.
>The Battle For ECW (as I called it about a month ago)
>Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer/Sabu/Sandman vs. Elijah Burke/Matt Striker/Kevin
Thorn/Marcus Cor Von
Again, the new guys go over for 100%. Burke will obviously play a big part in
that. Oh, and btw I'm suspecting an RVD turn. Or at least him playing part in
his side losing.
>United States Championship
>Chris Benoit C vs. MVP
MVP goes over, 95%.
> Women's Championship
> Melina C vs. Ashley Massaro
This is weird. By all means Melina _should_ go over. Will she? I see only
about 66% here. If it was up to me, I'd obviously book Melina to win. But then
again if it was up to me I wouldn't book this match at WM at all (at the very
least I'd put both girls as valets for the WWETT match between London/Kendrick
and the now non-existent MNM).
> Kane vs. The Great Khali
Now this I previously tagged as "the probable victory for Kane", for the
reasons I sent to Ronny Sarnecky in response to his "what's your WM
predictions" questions (copy/pasted) below. Now that was just a few hours
before when I heard rumours that Kane is seriously considering taking time off
after the WM. With that being said, it now looks like, sadly, the Great Empty
will go over or at least play
The most possible outcome I see here would be:
- Kane getting injured in the course of the match (a'la Ortons infamous
"concussion" incident when he lost the title match to Trips) and losing
because of it.
- Kane winning by a DQ when Khali does a number on him a'la Gonzales/Taker at
WMIX
- Kane getting injured/losing via an interference by a returning Mark Henry
(whom if the rumours are correct he is scheduled to feud next)...
That said, Khali probably goes over; 60%.
Copy/pasted stuff, now, in the light of Kane's taking time off, obviously at
least a little void:
[...]reasons which I could give for Kane going over here:
- despite not being what he was 10 or even 5 years ago, Kane, though sloppy
and slow now, is still an average worker and way better than Khali
- Khali is not only a freak show that will never be taken seriously, but his
shelf life looks to be seriously limited; while Kane had a solid 12 years run
in the WWF/E and you can foresee him being there for another 5 years, if not
more; do you think we will be seeing the "Great" Khali in the WWE in 10 years?
I don't
- for more than 10 years Kane has been a real company man, not only doing his
job in some of the most ridiculous storylines and gimmicks (Isaak Yankem, Fake
Diesel, Katie Vick etc.), but has also been jobbing left and right when
required, going wherever he is told to, not whining about not having the title
and not taking time off, and...
- even after all that Kane is still really over no matter what he does, be it
jobbing in a midcard match or getting eliminated from yet another Royal Rumble
(which he still hasn't won, despite participating in probably more than
anybody else)
- Kane not only made Vice a lot of cash for the See No Evil movie, but also
served as a test-ride of sorts for the new WWE Movie Machine (also, a win
here - specially if he got to use that silly hook - could go further to
promote the movie - why stop if there's still chance to make more money of
it?)
- I heard that the returning Mark Henry is supposed to be feuding with Kane
next, while I don't think there are any plans for Khali except for him being
big and throwing chops, so having Kane go over here and gain some momentum
- and finally, even though he always had a big boner for Giant Gonzales (who
was even bigger), Vince never let him go over on PPV, specially
WrestleMania...[...]
PS. Uhm, Randy Orton = Rock??? I'm sorry, I must have somehow taken a wrong
turned and ended in the Bizzaro World. Or maybe in the Twilight Zone.
In case you were wondering, this e-mail was indeed the first thing I saw when I got home from the bar Sunday night.
There's not a whole lot for me to say here, which is fine. Since WM has come and gone, it seems superfluous to comment on speculation, but I will bite on some of things you say…
I see you're in the camp I was in regarding Cena/HBK. I also thought Cena was going to be the heel to Shawn's heroic babyface. I guess we shouldn't underestimate how seriously WWE takes Cena's "superhero" character anymore. You've really got to wonder who can beat him at this point, not just in a match but in a feud.
And no you were not the only one who thought they would put the Raw match on last. I have to disagree with you when you label Taker and Batista as "screwed" because of it though. When you look at the two matches, you've got a SD contest with two guys (one of whom you're losing faith in rapidly) who may or may not deliver a good match, depending on who shows up to play. Then you've got a Raw contest with two men (one of whom is the new symbol of the company) who've done nothing but entertain in big match situations. I completely agree with WWE's decision to let Cena and Shawn main event. In retrospect, the show might've flowed better with Batista and Taker in the last spot, but then again the match might not have been as good as it was if not for the "sub-main event" status to motivate them.
Anyway, thanks for the response and I look forward to hearing from you again.
WrestleMania 23 Thoughts
For the first time in my life Sunday, I watched a wrestling PPV in a public place. I made an hour-long trip to Lawton, Oklahoma and watched WM 23 from a bar on an Army base called The Impact Zone (weird huh?). I showed up about an hour and a half early and sat at the bar until the show started. I ordered a liter of beer, watched this Army dude sitting next to me make a complete ass out of himself flirting with the bartender (he did a fucking magic trick), and sat in mellow anticipation.
One of things I look forward to most about watching WM is the character of the broadcast. What kind of mood or atmosphere does a particular show represent? WM XX was mostly based on honoring history. WM 21 was focused more on the Hollywood location. WM 22 presented a kind of "vintage" feel to it. Each year brings with it different trends and superstars that determine the kind of PPV the company can deliver at the time.
So what kind of style does WM 23 have? Well, I think time's going to tell a little more accurately than I can, but I think it marks a return to a mindset of the "legendary." First off, there's the location; with WWE making their return to stadium shows, the crowd gets a whole lot bigger and the stakes seem a whole lot higher. Perhaps that increased spectacle forces the roster to step up their game in a way that the Staples Center just doesn't do. Look to the fact that many people who usually don't deliver fared quite well during the show. Jeff Hardy could've done some major fucking up in the MITB but did his thing without mistakes (including a bump we'll most definitely be discussing later), Randy Orton provided some good spots, and Mr. Kennedy looked like a damn superstar.
Second is the "All Grown Up" theme they've been using. I'm not the world's biggest fan of the child/adult promos they've been showing. I mean, they're more creative than last year at least, but it just seems like there's too many good ideas out there for the biggest show of the year to do something that cheesy. However, they do get the message across that the past, while important, is gone and now it stands before us. As the Christopher Walken quotation I used a couple of weeks ago said, "The past is past, the future is now!" WM 23 got that point across rather well, I would say.
As for the wrestling, I was definitely surprised that MITB III went on first. Looking at the card, you would assume that Benoit/MVP or the Battle For ECW would've opened the show. This goes especially for the ECW match, since the Originals went over anyway, with RVD even getting the pin. But anyway, it's interesting to note who WWE always has get the first entrance at WM. It give some insight as to who they know gets good pops all the time. That person this year was none other than Jeff Hardy, who I quite simply wouldn't have believed would even be company just one year ago. I'm glad they let Kennedy do his mic thing, emphasizing one thing he's excellent at. The match itself was very cool; it wasn't as action-packed or innovative as the first MITB, but I don't expect many matches to be. Booker was there, Finlay was there, It was about on par with the one from last year, maybe a little better due to some creative early fast climbing and an absolutely beautiful FLYING ASS DROP OF STEEL-BREAKING DEATH by Jeff onto Edge. I don't know if the ladder was rigged to break so evenly or not (instinct leads to yes), but it was just a picture perfect bump the likes of which I've never seen before. This seems to give Edge an excuse to claim his WM streak is still alive, which I guess is a smart way to pull something like that. Besides, we needed to leave room for the real stars of the match: CM Punk and MISTER MONEY IN THE…KENNEDY…BANK…KENNEDY! I loved seeing these two as pretty much the final guys in contention to win the match. With a good performance by both men, and an increased aura of legitimacy surrounding them, there is now a good reason to watch both SD and ECW in the coming year. And then Kennedy gets to talk for a second time, giving a great promo that put him and the briefcase over in a big way. I'd say that's a pretty effective match!
Kane vs. Khali…wasn't as effective. Actually I shouldn't complain that much about the match. It was better than I thought it would be, with a competence we usually don't see out of Khali and an actual semblance of match flow. I of course despise the ending, but I know why they did it, the stuff leading up to it wasn't too bad. I was entertained.
And then, in the "slickest" segment of the evening, Cryme Tyme try to whore the Extreme Expose girls out to Eugene and somehow triggers a dance party featuring an absolutely insane cast of legends. Moolah and Mae Young did their "horny old ladies" thing, which clearly got Eugene excited. Then SLICK (of all people) randomly showed up and talked jive for a minute, which got over quite well. Then business really picked up with Dusty, Sarge, Jimmy Hart and Mike Rotundo. My IRS action figure just tripled in value. And just because they can, they top it all off TWICE, as Ricky Steamboat basically does a wink and a gun for the camera, followed by a WM-style "Damn!" Highly entertaining and well executed by all involved I thought. Just be prepared for weirdness.
I missed much of the Benoit/MVP match because I was getting a soda, but it looked to be quite good from what I saw. There seemed to be lots of good wrestling going on, which had yet to happen. Benoit got the win when I totally didn't expect him to, and the diving headbutt has that much more credibility now. And I will say this: MVP looked like a star. He's really getting his character down, not just in terms of MVP himself but in terms of what the character represents. He's the T-O of WWE.
I didn't really hear the dialogue in the Trump/Boogeyman segment, but I don't think I would've thought it was good even if I had heard it. I do remember Trump no-selling Boogey's appearance and telling him to fetch a sandwich. Wait what? The guy who made Booker look like a whimpering pussy last year and beat JBL in less than ten minutes doesn't scare (or even phase) Donald Trump? Come on.
Lots of folks were expecting the Batista/Taker encounter to be one of those very interesting storylines that produce a disappointing match. Well let me tell you, they were fucking wrong! I found myself very into the match the whole way through, and not just because I was excited to see Taker win it. Both he and the Dave brought it Sunday, and their match was the most warmly accepted by the stadium crowd, the people in the bar with me, and yours truly. It was very tight, it had some great spots, and it made both men look strong. I honestly don't think Batista will be hurt by this loss; on the contrary, I think not having the belt will make the fans more receptive to him. This, ladies and gentlemen, is my Match of the Night, and I don't think I'm alone in that respect.
I couldn't hear any of what Vince said to his granddaughter due to the people in the bar. Fortunately it didn't look like I was missing much, though I probably would've gotten a good laugh from it.
The Battle For ECW was criminally short and didn't do a damn thing for anyone involved. How can you honestly book eight guys at WM in a match that goes less than eight minutes? The only people who got any spotlight at all were RVD, who picked up the pinfall after a Five-Star, and Sabu, who hit a cool-looking dive near the end of the match. Everyone else was pure filler, and it made the brand look like an afterthought. They had enough time that they could've doubled the length of this match (maybe even put together a video) and let everyone showcase their big spots. As it stands now, the match was wasted and pretty much nullified two nights later. It should've been Extreme Rules, it should've been bloody, and it should've been meaningful.
People on the ‘Net have generally been pretty kind to the Battle of the Billionaires, filing it under the "entertaining crap" genre of wrestling. Although I agree that this label fits the match, I still think it's being overrated. The wrestling between Lashley and Shriveled Up Monkey Penis was almost non-existent. Any storyline or psychology the match had was due to Vince or Stone Cold, and to a certain extent the Donald. I'm not even a Lashley detractor, but the match was very blah to me. Seeing Vince bald was pretty cool too, and everyone in the bar was shouting for Eugene to come out and finish the job. Kudos of course to Shane for putting his body on the line again to please the crowd.
Melina/Ashley was completely ridiculous, with a general lack of confidence and competence from Ashley. As everyone predicted, she was in no way ready to be put in that big a match, and it just died. The "lumberjills" were useless and didn't factor into the finish at all, which ruins the whole point of them coming down there and looking like scrubs because they're not in the title match. Can you imagine what was going through Victoria and Mickie James's minds during the whole affair? I wouldn't want to be Kenny last Sunday.
The beginning of the Cena/Michaels main event was very very cool, with both men playing the psychology of their feud well. The final seven or eight minutes was fucking off the charts and made me jump out of my chair at least three times. The middle portion was boring. Look, I appreciate the fact that HBK was trying to work the leg. I also appreciate the desire to slow down the match, keeping in mind they have thirty minutes to use up. But you can't tell me that middle part couldn't have been SO much better. I don't really understand why Michaels was even playing the heel; the role worked so well for Cena last year against HHH, and HBK is even more beloved by the crowd. Not only that, but their feud had logically progressed with HBK as the sentimental favorite. That superkick the Raw before WM popped the crowd in a big way, and I really figured Cena would be the one trying to isolate Shawn and slow him down, rather than the other way around. As for the submission finish, I guess I can handle it. I just shouldn't remind myself that the STFU is now the only submission move to end two WM shows. So according to WWE logic, it can now be considered the best submission move of all time. Yeah.
Overall, I had a very good time watching the show. Some match were more exciting than others, but even WM X-7 had it's bad matches (not many but some). Here's where I rank it among the WM's of this decade so far:
1. X-Seven
2. XX
3. 21
4. 23
5. 22
6. XIX
7. X-8
8. 2000 (16)
Now, for your further enjoyment, here's a list of the loudest barroom pops of the evening. Since I couldn't hear the broadcast, I just had the people in the bar with me to judge the reactions. Here's the top five:
It was a good show, certainly enjoyable to even the most hard-nosed wrestling fans. And I guess they're pretty serious about this Cena guy, huh?
Sendoff
Because I, like a dumbshit, forgot to participate in 411's WM Roundtable as well as WOTW, I thought I would give you guys the official "how Zac did guessing the winners" score. Sounds professional no?
Money In the Bank Winner: Mr. Kennedy My Pick: Mr. Kennedy (Edge also a possibility)
Kane vs. Great Khali Winner: Great Khali My Pick: Great Khali
U.S. Championship Winner: Chris Benoit My Pick: MVP
World Championship Winner: Undertaker My Pick: Undertaker
Battle For ECW Winner: Originals My Pick: New Breed (was very iffy on this one)
Battle of the Billionaires Winner: Bobby Lashley My Pick (and everyone else's): Bobby Lashley
Women's Championship Winner: Melina My Pick: Melina
WWE Championship Winner: John Cena My Pick: John Cena (even more iffy on this one)
Don't I look intelligent?
Next week, we'll be looking at…nothing. That's right, after seventeen editions of the RE, I have to take my first week off to compete in a national speech tournament. Let's hope I don't shit myself anytime between now and the tournament, and you guys have a nice ripple free week. Absence will indeed make the heart grow fonder.
