Schmozzes & Screwjobs 04.10.07 The Ironman Edition
Posted by Daniel Wilcox on 04.10.2007
Warning: This column contains quotations from Panic! At The Disco songs.
Yes, I have recovered from doing the Heat report this weekend and we're rockin' and rollin' with another killer edition of Schmozzes & Screwjobs. I know you've been looking forward to it all week and here it is;
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages, DC-Dub proudly brings to you the Schmozzes and the Screwjobs in the finest damn Tuesday column in the history of 411 Mania with the only possible exception being The Top 10! We've got a ton of stuff in today's Ironman edition of S&S so start reading NOW!
Curtain Jerkin'
This is a new section where I give any random thoughts I've had about wrestling or anything else over the last week. It will most likely be wrestling, but could also include music, sport, gaming or politics, but I wouldn't hold your breath on the politics part. So what's been going through my head this week?
-I'm liking the direction things seem to be heading post-WrestleMania. The WWE Championship scene is looking good with Orton, Edge and Michaels all gunning for Cena (for the record, tweener Shawn kicks ass). The King Booker injury angle was done brilliantly last week on SmackDown and I'm looking forward to seeing Booker back in a few months without the King gimmick which I feel has now got stale and maybe as a face. Taker vs. Batista II looks to be a certainty for Backlash which is good and ECW is also looking great off the heels of that awesome Extreme Rules match last week. Even the tag teams are getting some time on both Raw and SmackDown which is something I didn't think I'd be seeing now that all pay-per-views are tri-brand. We actually got 2 tag team matches on Raw last night between actual tag teams and who would have thought that Cade and Murdoch would ever make it to pay-per-view again? I damn sure didn't that one coming but I'm glad they are getting a push because they are a cool duo. Here's hoping the SmackDown teams get the same treatment, especially London and Kendrick.
-The one thing I don't like is that it seems the whole Vince/Lashley/Umaga thing is going to continue. McMahon always drags his programs far too long and it won't be long until the whole IWC is complaining that this thing has gotten boring as fuck like they were this time last year with the McMahon/Michaels crap. And that last 6 more months. The stuff with Shane McMahon last night was great and they put a real big beatdown on Lashley which was a nice change of pace so I'll agree to give it more time but I do not want this to go any further than Backlash.
-For any "soccer" fans out there, the end of the season is getting nearer and nearer and Manchester United are so close to claiming the title again. Shame about the result at Portsmouth last week though. Things could have been so different had the linesman got the offside decision right at the start of the second half and Wayne Rooney's goal would've been allowed. Good luck to the Red Devils tonight who look to progress to the semi-finals of the Champions League for the first time since they won it in 1999.
-How far behind are you Americans in liking good music? You're all either talking about Smashing Pumpkins and Black Sabbath or going on about Ludacris. You want some good bands to listen to, go check out Madina Lake, Paramore, and Within Temptation. Go, now!
So Orton vs. Edge vs. HBK vs. Cena was confirmed for Backlash last night and just for the record, I called that match before WrestleMania. I have really high hopes for this match and if it doesn't break **** I will be disappointed. Also at Backlash it looks like we're going to be treated to Batista vs. Taker II which I'm now looking forward to thanks to their impressive performance at Mania, but I think they need to step it up in terms of the build because I'm just not digging their feud right now.
The Screwjob
The Ironman Edition
WWE Championship 60 Minute Ironman Match – The Rock vs. Triple H
Special Guest Referee – Shawn Michaels
Judgment Day 2000
Background Information: You should recall a few weeks ago when we were in them middle of our WrestleMania series when I looked at the Fatal Four Way main event of WrestleMania 2000 – Rock vs. Triple H vs. Big Show vs. Foley. For those who don't remember, Vince McMahon turned on The Rock to help Triple H retain the Championship. This kicked off the McMahon-Helmsley era that saw Vince, Trips, Stephanie and Shane running the wrestling world. X-Pac and Road Dogg (DX) and Gerald Brisco and Pa Patterson were their lackeys. You can imagine the jokes flying around at the time. Anyway, the next month at Backlash, The Rock got his one-one title match but the odds were stacked against him. Shane McMahon was special guest referee, Vince and Stephanie were in Triple H's corner and thus The Rock didn't stand much of a chance until Linda McMahon put Stone Cold Steve Austin in The Rock's corner but there was uncertainty as to wether he would show up. Despite the McMahon's best efforts, Austin showed up and cleaned house on the McMahons and eventually The Rock got the win and the title!
Triple H wanted his rematch and challenged Rock to a 60 Minute Ironman match, only the second ever to take place in the WWF. Rock accepted, and Triple H was even so kind as to state that there would be no sudden death as there was in the first Ironman match – if it were a tie after 60 minutes, The Rock would retain the title. In the weeks leading up to Judgment Day, a strange video would frequently air over the titantron depicted little children skipping while eerie music blared over the arena. Of course, the IWC knew it was foreshadowing the return of the Undertaker, but no-one else did. The video stated "he" would return at Judgment Day.
And I almost forgot to mention that Shawn Michaels was made guest referee for the Ironman match. For those unaware, the last time HBK refereed a match between Rock and The Game, he delivered Sweet Chin Music to The Rock to give Triple H the victory. Ooooh, tension!
How It Went Down: For a live match report we go to 411's Arnold Furious' furiousrage.com;
Michaels is still crazy over considering he's a lying homosexual. Wonder if he'd still get that kind of girly pop now? Triple H is accompanied by the entire McMahon family. Lawler is starting to provide expert analysis on pacing over the hour. Triple H tells the McMahon's that he doesn't need them at ringside during this match because he is the Game, and he is that damn good. They talk trash before the match gets underway with Trips looking more intense. Big collar and elbow tie up and another one with neither man backing down. Lawler continues to plug the "hour". Crowd is going nuts but nothing is happening. Trips refuses to give up to a headlock. Rock gets a 2 from a shoulder block and then another 2 from another shoulder block and another 2 from a roll up. Trips goes for a walk to break up the momentum. We're 5 minutes in. Trips eats a big right hand and he bails again. Shawn counts Trips even on the apron. Shawn is clearly calling it down the middle here. Trips jaws with the fans to eat up some time. Trips hits a big clothesline to break up a flurry of Rock offence. Trips works the arm with a standing armbar. Armbreaker from Trips and a 2 count. Another arm bar from Trips, which Rocky refuses to give up to. That's 10 minutes gone.
Rock Bottom. 1-0 Rock at 10.45. They brawl outside. You may wonder how Rock got a fall so fast, well he just avoided a clothesline and BAM. The brawl heads down the entrance ramp with Triple H taking a beating. Shawn opts not to count both men out because it'd achieve nothing. Trips misses a knee charge and "dings" the knee off the guardrail. Rock suplexes Trips back in and gets a near fall. Rock wraps Triple H's knee around the ringpost. What? Psychology in a Rock match? Shinbreaker on the ringsteps from Rock (was he watching Benoit and Jericho earlier?) Back inside Rock stomps away on Triple H's knee. Figure 4 from the Rock. Trips tells Shawn he won't give up despite screaming in pain. Trips has turned the colour of beetroot. Weird. This is one of the longest figure 4's ever. Trips tries to reverse it but gets no joy but then he tries again and flips him over. The pressure is reversed and Rock is in trouble. Rope break. Brawl on the floor again with Rock taking a clothesline on the floor. They fight out into the crowd for some reason. Trips back drops Rock back over the guardrail and we've now taken up 20 minutes.
Back inside Trips hits a suplex and drops an elbow (never seen him do that before). Trips goes for 5 or 6 fall attempts but no joy. Rock fights back with shots to the knee so Trips throws him over the ropes. Trips takes a bump into the ring steps knees first Foley style. JR shills for Dr Andrews in Birmingham, Alabama. Rock tries to break Triple H's leg by draping it over the ropes and jumping on the back of the knee. Leglock from Rock and he's looking for the submission. This is the most mat work I've ever seen the Rock do. Shinbreaker from the Rock again. Rock goes for a figure 4 again but it's countered and a pedigree scores a fall to Triple H at 25.26. Score is tied at 1-1. Rock goes for a big clothesline swipe and it's countered into an inside cradle and Trips scores another fall at 26.28. Score is now 2-1 Triple H. Rock was still groggy from the pedigree. He should have bailed after the fall like Trips did. They both bail and Rock takes a beating up the aisle. Trips refuses to back bump a clothesline because he thinks he'll fall on a monitor. Trips hits a suplex on the concrete. Both men are down and we're at the halfway point. JR screws up and tells us that Rock is up 2-1. Which is wrong. Triple H is up 2-1.
Rock side suplexes Trips on the way back to the ring. Lawler points out that now the Rock is in the longest match of his career. He's never wrestled this long before. Trips gets back dropped on the concrete floor and that must hurt. Shawn tells JR that there won't be any bullshit count outs. Trips hits a piledriver and that's another fall at 32.28. Triple H is up 3-1 now. Rock hits a brief comeback and a clothesline. Trips heads up top and continues to sell the leg. Rock throws him off. Mahistrol cradle scores a 2 for Rock. High knee for Trips scores a near fall. Rock is busted hardway but it's not too bad. Trips hits a sleeper, which JR calls a "smart move". Well that's why they call him the Game. Trips uses the ropes because he's a heel. Shawn, who's done his fair share of heel work, realises that Triple H was cheating and breaks it with a kick to Trips legs. Trips goes back to the sleeper but Rock hits a belly to belly slam. Hey that looked great – why did he stop doing that? Rock completely screws up a float over into a DDT and falls over. Bwahaha. Then he hits the DDT anyway because he was meant to score a fall. Which he does at 40.36. 3-2 to Triple H.
They head outside again, pattern emerging here. Trips gets his head zinged off the ring steps and the timekeepers table. Shawn stops Triple H using a chair and Rock whips Trips shoulder first into the ring steps. Swinging neckbreaker on the floor from Rock. Back inside Triple H gets the chair again and smacks Rock hard with it for the DQ at 43.40. It's 3-3. Triple H gets a pin out of it though (and uses the ropes because he's such a dastardly heel) at 44.08. Rock sold that chair for nearly half a minute before Trips pinned. Trips is up 4-3. There's blood all over the ring. Rock is busted open. Shawn checks on the wound but lets Rock continue. Sleeper from Trips. Another smart move. The bleeding Rock fights out at the second hand drop but Trips slaps the hold right back on again and Rock is asleep at 47.27. A sleeper worked? Wow. 5-3 to Triple H. Shawn breaks the hold after the decision and Trips and Shawn get in a shoving match. That bought Rock a little time and he comes firing back. Trips takes a Flair bump over the ropes and into the cameraman. Sweet. That looked so cool because it looked like Triple H was about to land in our face. Only ten minutes to go now and Trips is still up.
Trips gets knocked off the top rope again. Probably shouldn't go up there Trips. Trips fights out of a superplex but Rock comes back and hits it anyway. Trips kicks out after a long 2 count. They fight outside again and Trips gets slingshot into the ring post. Rock in turn gets whipped into the ring steps. Trips goes to the announce table and removes the monitors. Trips goes for a Rock Bottom but it's reversed and Rock hits a pedigree on the table, which doesn't break. Damn, that must have hurt. Trips is counted out at 56.15. 5-4 to Trips and he's bleeding. The McMahon family show up with 3 minutes to go. Trips nearly gets counted out again. DDT from Rock and in comes Shane and Vince but they're knocked down. Spinebuster and a People's Elbow. DX is out here. Rock levels it at 5-5 at 58.10. Shane McMahon pulls Shawn out and he fights with the McMahon's at ringside. Road Dogg and X-Pac do a run in. Rock Bottom but X-Pac attacks Rock. Weird music starts playing but you can tell its Undertaker. "He's here". Undertaker is in the ring with his leather coat on. Taker destroys the heels. Chokeslam to X-Pac. They take the counter off the screen because they've screwed the timing of the ending up. Taker chokeslams Triple H. Tombstone piledriver and Shawn has called for the bell. Is it over? Was there another decision? Controversy. Triple H gets a DQ and wins 6-5 at 1 hour and 12 seconds. ****. Good stuff but the ending was a little run in heavy. Taker's re-debut was cool though. I remember it sending chills down my spine. Taker runs off Shawn and Triple H is helped out while the crowd throw shit at him.
Personally I would rate that match at ****½ as it is one of my all time favourites, partly because the return of the Undertaker was still awesome back then.
Analysis: Many people, like Arnold, dislike the ending because of the run-ins and the DQ finish but I thought it was awesome. A hell of a lot of people thought that HBK would side with the Game but instead he called it down the middle for the entire match but had to make an unpopular, but correct decision to disqualify The Rock for outside interference so that was a good touch. Then of course we have the return of the Undertaker under his new "American Badass" persona. He destroyed every member of the McMahon-Helmsley faction to make a statement and was soon put into the title picture. The Rock stayed in the title scene and had to team with Taker and Kane to win the gold back at King of the Ring. Triple H maintained his heel cred with this win so all turned out OK.
The Schmozz Count
Raw – None
ECW – None
Impact – 1, LAX vs. VKM
SmackDown – 1, Dave Taylor vs. Kane
SmackDown and Impact are the only shows providing the schmozzes this week but the count is steadily rising.
The Schmozz Count: 35 + 2 = 37!
False Finishes and Fan Cams
"Well we're just a wet dream for the webzine" - London Beckoned Songs about Money Written by Machines - Panic! At The Disco
So this week on the 411 Forums there was a thread with people posting their "dream cards" consisting of all the current Superstars in the WWE and that got me thinking what my dream card would be. Here's what I eventually came up with.
Wilcox's Wet Dream Wrestling Card!
World Tag Team Championship Ladder Match:
The Hardys vs. Rob Van Dam and Sabu
Matt and Jeff Hardy are the masters of the ladders and are one of the most innovative tag teams in wrestling history. There are very few teams that can match up to them in this type of match but one who can might just be Rob Van Dam and Sabu who teamed for several years in the original ECW and have teamed on occasion in the new ECW. It's common knowledge that Van Dam and Sabu will do anything and everything to their own bodies in order to secure a victory and the Hardys share that same disregard for their own physical well being.
This match would be simple enough to put together. Matt and Jeff are currently the co-holders of the World tag titles while Van Dam and Sabu are engaged in a feud with the New Breed as part of the ECW Originals. This feud should be coming to an end some time in the next few months and the most sensible way to end it would be a "Loser Leave ECW" match. Let's say the New Breed go over meaning that the Originals would have to quit ECW. Send Tommy Dreamer and Sandman to SmackDown and Sabu and Van Dam to Raw as a tag team. Van Dam and Sabu defeat Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas to become #1 contenders to the Hardys' tag titles but lose in their first attempt at tag team gold. This of course sets up the rematch which RVD and Sabu want to take to "Extreme levels" and as the Hardys are no strangers to a little hardcore action and so the Ladder Match is made for the titles.
As for the outcome of this match I think it would be determined by which of these two risk taking teams can endure the most punishment. No doubt both teams would have to take the ladder match to a whole new level if they want to capture tag team gold but they would need to pick their spots because any high risk move could result in a major crash and burn situation. Some times a guy can recover from a bad fall off a ladder or a mistimed dive, but other times a severe injury can be caused. Even though this would be a ladder match I don't think anyone would be surprised if more plunder became involved in the match particularly from Sabu and Van Dam. Sabu has a bit of a table fetish but he should be wary of that back firing as Jeff Hardy in particular has a history of connecting with a Swanton Bomb from large ladders through tables. Matt Hardy is probably the one guy of the four with a little bit of sense and tends not to take the bigger risks (just encourages Jeff, great brother) and that may give the Hardys a small advantage. Matt and Jeff however do not have that great a record in terms of win-loss in ladder matches, especially as a tag team. Although they have wrestled ladder matches on numerous occasions, they haven't won one as a team since the first tag team ladder match back in October 1999 against Edge and Christian. Jeff did get a win in a singles ladder match last winter against rival Johnny Nitro in a great match. Rob Van Dam and Sabu have never teamed together in a ladder match but that shouldn't faze them. Van Dam has an impressive record in ladder matches and holds notable victories against Christian and in the Money in the Bank Ladder match at WrestleMania 22. Sabu was victorious in a ladder match last summer, ironically against Rob Van Dam.
In the end, I would give the slightest advantage to Matt and Jeff Hardy because they have more experience in this environment as a tag team and Van Dam and Sabu may just go too far to try and get the win and I think it'll cost them.
Winners: The Hardys
2 Out of 3 Falls Match
Triple H vs. Chris Benoit
We've seen these two guys go the distant many times before and have some terrific matches, most notably an Ironman match back in 2004 that saw Chris Benoit beat The Game, but that was with help from Eugene of all people. Here we have two of the most gifted wrestlers in the business, and despite what some people will say about Triple H, when he needs to he can have a (at least) 4 star match with just about anybody in the business wether it be Shawn Michaels, John Cena, Batista or Chris Benoit. We all know how intense and awesome the Rabid Wolverine is and even more so when against the top stars of the wrestling business which it has to be said, hasn't been happening enough the past few years. Just to make things interesting, each fall would have a different stipulation. Fall #1, straight up one-on-one match, first pin or submission, disqualification or count out gets the fall. Second fall gets a little more interesting as we make it a Cage match. Then in the third fall (if necessary) it becomes Last Man Standing.
With Chris Benoit rumoured to be returning to Raw in the not-too-distant future, Benoit and The Game locking up some time in the next year or so may not be that far-fetched. Triple H would probably have to turn heel for a program to ensue but again that's not exactly unlikely. This would work best as a mid-card feud that would be used to elevate one or both of these guys to the WWE Championship picture.
First Fall – Technically, Chris Benoit has Triple H beat. But not every straight up one-on-one match is determined on technical ability; if it was John Cena would not be WWE Champion. Triple H would have to be sneaky and on his A game to beat Benoit in a one-on-one match. Triple H's best bet would be to pick a specific area of the Wolverine to work on; an arm would of course eliminate the threat of Benoit's finishing manoeuvre the Crippler Crossface but Trips would still have to be wary of the diving headbutt which is now apparently enough to put an opponent away.
Second Fall – Triple H is ruthless and a Cage match would play to his advantage. Triple H has much experience inside of the 15 foot structure and knows how to use the steel walls to his advantage and would punish Benoit. But Benoit's aforementioned intensity would help him in this situation. When Benoit gets going he would just keep coming at The Game and staying on him, not allowing him the chance to breathe whereas Trips is more of a manipulative player and would prefer a slower pace to physically dissect Benoit. In the end I think Triple H would tie the score up here taking us to the final fall.
Third Fall – A Last Man Standing match is determined on who can take the most amount of punishment from his opponent and Triple H has shown on many occasions that he can take unbelievable amounts of punishment and come out victorious. In his first Last Man Standing match, Triple H defeated Chris Jericho and has also drawn with perhaps the most resilient wrestler of all time, Shawn Michaels in Last Man Standing. To my (fairly reliable) knowledge, Chris Benoit has never wrestled a Last Man Standing match but has proven in the past that he can go the distance, hence winning an hour long match against The Game in the past. Stamina would play a huge factor as both guys will have already fought two gruelling matches but I think in the end Triple H is just too devious to lose this match. He will have to pull out all the stops but Triple H takes the third decisive fall.
Winner: Triple H
Battle of the Broadcasters
JBL vs. Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler
So this one would just be a bit of fun but how cool would this be? Throw Cole, Stiles and JR in their as each wrestlers' "seconds" and we have hilarious action here. Just seeing these three guys go at it would be total mark out territory. JBL would have to go over when JR turns on Lawler and nails him with a candy jar.
Winner: JBL
Casket Match
Undertaker vs. Umaga
Umaga seems to be the new monster in the WWE and that means that sometime in the future these two guys have to hook up. I say it should be sooner rather than later as Umaga is on the hottest streak he is ever going to be on, as is the Undertaker, but the Deadman would have to lose the World Championship first.
To set this up, as I dais, Taker would have to be defeated for the World Championship and the best way for that to happen without Taker losing momentum would be for Umaga to cost him the gold against Batista to set the feud up. They would face in a singles match first but with no winner as Umaga gets himself disqualified in order to destroy Taker to put him out for a few weeks leading to this match. Sure, it's a typical Taker feud but that's what people seem to like these days.
Here we have two big guys trying to put each other in a casket. Neither are great wrestlers so this wouldn't be a five star match by any stretch of the imagination. What I would like to see is a stipulation added that states that each Superstar needs to pin their opponent before they are allowed to put them in the casket as it would mean that the entire match isn't just strikes and attempts to get the other guy inside the casket. Overall I'm certain it would make for a better match. Umaga has proven to be near unstoppable when he gets going and if Taker allows him to hit the Samoan Spike, the Samoan drop or the running ass strike(!) it could be all over. Umaga, on the other hand, needs to keep the place slow and deliberate to ensure Taker doesn't get on a role. He would also be wise to avoid throwing hands with Taker as Umaga's weakness seems to be fighting against a fury of attacks which may be why the only guys to have ever beaten him are John Cena and Bobby Lashley. In the end I see this coming down to Umaga making a mistake and the experience of Undertaker allowing him to pin Umaga with a Tombstone and roll him into the casket for the win.
Winner: Undertaker
Triple Threat Hardcore Match
Mick Foley vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton
Edge vs. Foley and Orton vs. Foley have both been four star matches in a hardcore environment and Edge and Orton have also had some great matches in the past so this would make for one hell of a match. Foley is the Hardcore legend and Orton and Edge have proven that they can go in many different matches and can take huge amounts of punishment. This match would turn out to be one of the most brutal hardcore matches in WWE history.
With Edge and Orton on the highway to splitsville and Mick Foley hanging around doing nothing, this match isn't too difficult to set up. Let's just say Foley gets caught in the crossfire of a Orton/Edge argument backstage and Edge takes it out on him by beating him down backstage. Then Foley confronts Edge in the ring and Orton comes down for the save only to turn on his partner and take down Foley at the same time. Three way feud here we come.
The winner of this match will be the guy who takes his opportunities the best and I think that that advantage would have to go the Rated R Superstar Edge as he has proven that he is just as cerebral as anybody in the business. Mick Foley would have to be at his absolute best to come out on top in this one, even taking more punishment from both Edge and Orton than he has ever taken in his whole career, and that's a lot. Randy Orton's best chance would be to focus on one guy at a time and try to sneak in with an RKO and grab a quick pin. In addition he would do well to hang back and let the two more experience hardcore guys fight it out and take as many opportunities as he can to get a shot in on either of them to score the win. At the end of the night I can only see Edge winning.
Winner: Edge
60 Minute Ironman Match
Shawn Michaels vs. CM Punk
How awesome would this be? Seriously, Shawn Michaels vs. CM Punk would be an awesome match in its own right, but 60 minute Ironman? Hell yeah! Shawn Michaels who can have great matches with a broomstick and CM Punk who is one of the greatest wrestlers to ever surface through the Indy scene going at it, most falls in one hour, would rock your mother fucking face.
I do not care how this match gets set up; I just want it to happen. Both of these guys can go one hour. Shawn Michaels was victorious in the WWE's first ever Ironman match against Bret ‘Hitman' Hart. The match ended 0-0 after 60 minutes, but HBK soon but Bret away in overtime with some Sweet Chin Music. Some of CM Punk's greatest matches have gone an hour. In ROH Punk faced off against ROH World Champion Samoa Joe for the championship in a famous three match series. The first match, on June 12, 2004 at World Title Classic in Dayton, Ohio, resulted in a 60 minute time-limit draw when neither Punk nor Joe could pin or cause the other to submit in the sixty minutes. The second of their series of matches took place in Punk's hometown of Chicago, Illinois. At Joe vs. Punk II on October 16 they wrestled to a second 60 minute draw. In addition to becoming Ring of Honor's best selling DVD at that point, the match received the first 5-star rating by Dave Meltzer's Wrestling Observer Newsletter for a match in North America since 1997. Shawn Michaels holds the advantage in terms of experience but I don't see that being much of a factor as Punk has wrestled thousands of matches spanning 8 years. I don't think I can find away to separate these two performers and I could see this going to a draw.
Winner: Nobody, but it'll kick ass!
WWE Champion vs. World Heavyweight Champion
John Cena vs. Batista
The two biggest stars to come out of the WWE in the last five years are undoubtedly John Cena and Batista. These guys have dominated main events on SmackDown and Raw over the last two years and have been untouchable. It is therefore surprising that the two have never met one-on-one in the WWE. The closest they've come is the end of the 2005 Royal Rumble where they were the last two entrants and ended up tossing each other out at the same time, foreshadowing their dominance over the WWE for the next few years. They have also been mixing it up in a couple of tag team matches on the Road to WrestleMania 23. This match would be a showcase of two genuine stars.
The only way I could ever see this match happenin is if the Brand Extension ends (always a possibility) and they need to unify the two top belts. As for who would win, it's tough to call. Cena has youth on his side but they share roughly the same amount of experience. Batista is the more powerful of the two and should use his heavy hitting style to his advantage. Cnea would have to hit hard and hit fast to overcome the Animal but we have seen him defy the odds on countless occasions, notably forcing Triple H to submit to the STFU at WrestleMania 22. Batista would want to end the match as early as possible as Cena can make a comeback at any time and Batista is likely to get tired quickly due to not having the best stamina. The FU may not be enough to put Batista away so Cena would look to work the back of Batista to win with the STFU while Batista would want to do the same to put his spinebuster and Batista Bomb to best effect. I have to believe that Cena would take this one after a long hard-fought match.
Winner: John Cena
And that does it for my dream card. Feel free to send me your thoughts on it or even better your own applications for your dream card but remember to limit it to people currently on the WWE rosters. Interesting to see I haven't used the likes of Mr Kennedy, Rey Mysterio, Kane, MVP, Carlito, Bobby Lashley, Ric Flair, Shelton Benjami or London and Kendrick on here.
Reader Feedback
First up this week is our friend Dominick;
Eyo.
WrestleMania
Money in the Bank III-***3/4
Kane vs. The Great Khali-*
Chris Benoit vs. MVP-***
Batista vs. Undertaker-***1/3
ECW Originals vs. New Breed-**1/2
Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley-***
Melina vs. Ashley-2/3*
Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena-****2/4
Random Thoughts from Me
-The Detroit crowd sucked. Not like the GREAT LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK CROWD OF LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK.
-I hate Khali too.
-So MNM is now Miz, Nitro, and Melina. DAMN!
-I'm sure some other crazy person will sell the World Title on eBay.
Hey Dom, good to here from you.
We pretty much agreed on the WrestleMania match ratings so nothing to dispute there.
I agree that the crowd was poor at best. 80,000 people at Mania should make some damn noise! Noise usually escapes and travels up in large stadiums so that may have something to do with the low volume, but according to a reader in Andy Clark's Shimmy yesterday, it seems that the fans were just sitting on their hands for the majority of the evening.
I hope Miz doesn't becoming the new guy in MNM because Nitro is great on his own and it is a travesty that he wasn't on the Mania card. He had a great year and I expect him to only improve from now til next Mania. He should have a match with Foley some time soon and that will help him immensely because Foley now seems to be acting as a stepping stone to bigger things on Raw, notably the WWE Championship.
And lastly we have Samer;
Hello Dan, it's Samer again...
So WrestleMania is over, and I have to say I did enjoy the show... For some reason that always seems to happen when it comes to WrestleMania, even if ur disappointed with some matches... The WWE sure knows how to do it when it comes to the biggest event of the year...
Now my thoughts on the show (and commenting on yours at the same time):
MITB: I enjoyed that one... I didn't think it was as good as the first one but it was damn sure as good as the second one. I think it just needed another high spot... I mean the Jeff hardy bump was INSANE, but another safer spot would have benefited the match. Maybe Kennedy hitting the Kenton from the top of the ladder or something it would have been cool. Though that rolling fireman's carry on LB from the ladder was GOLD! CM Punk looked quite good, and I marked the fuck out when he pushed Kennedy from the ladder and had his hands on the briefcase, too bad that damn Kennedy slammed his face with a ladder and picked up the win. He deserves it, but I'm a Punk mark so bare with me. Now I wouldn't rate it as high as ****, but I did enjoy it so I'll go with ***3/4.
I do have some issues with it being an opener, but that's a minor complaint...
Kane vs. Khali: Well I have to agree, it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. So that alone is enough to keep me happy. I honestly didn't care who went over, but I predicted it right. I'll go with a generous *1/5...
Benoit vs. MVP: OK I have many comments to make about this match so again bare with me...
First of all this was a fine damn match.. MVP looked good, and it was his best showing so far, way better than getting squashed by Taker or Kane. I wish they had more time, I mean if the WWE cut off some of the bullshit segments they could have given a good solid 15 minutes for this match, and that's all I'm asking for to guarantee that this match would have reached **** stars easily.
Now onto the match itself, I am among the few who really liked the way it began, developed and ENDED. First of all a more technical approach by MVP, and some brilliant work by JBL to put him over, showing that MVP had what it takes to go with Benoit. And the psychology was great with MVP working on the arm thus preventing Benoit from applying his submission holds... And Benoit is a selling god so u doesn't have to worry about that. Since he didn't have the strength to apply the Crossface or the sharpshooter due to his arm being damage, he had to pin him. So he used his other "finisher" the diving headbutt. Now a part of me has to agree that Benoit hasn't beaten anyone with that move for ages, and they could have at least let Benoit win a couple of matches with it on SmackDown to remind people that it was a "finisher", but the other part is saying so what? It makes sense due to match psychology... The other scenario would have had Benoit pinning him with a crappy role up, no thanks. Or, and that is the choice many people (including yourself) preferred, Benoit would put him and the Crossface and MVP would tap out. And it will all seem normal... Or is it? Now think about it, how good would have MVP looked if he worked on the arm for the better part of the match and ended up tapping to the Crossface like a bitch? Hell even JBL wouldn't have been able to put him over like he did. Nothing would have been different. However, Benoit won, MVP still looked good, as a matter of fact people are talking about MVP looking good more than Benoit retaining the title, and most of all, the match made sense, that is what u call good psychology. I can see ur point about the finish being bad, but that's just my opinion. Oh and when I think about it, I say this feud should continue, with MVP continuing to look good, and then win the title, that way it would mean more than just a win via some kind of lame cheating and winning the title, thus making it look more meaningless than it already is. So I say, continue the feud, have MVP win the title with another, longer, better match, and PLZ have Benoit on RAW!
My rating: ***
Oh and one more thing, I know I already said it but JBL was awesome! He managed to put MVP over, and Benoit too, he made his victory seem more important than it already is, and made sure that a successful title defence actually meant something.
Batista vs. Taker: What I have to say is this... AWESOME. The reason I'm really happy about this because I actually had very low hopes about it, I don't like Batista and I don't think he's been that good, but this match was a pleasant surprise, and that's why I'm even happier. Overall great match, the Undertaker really has never looked better. Batista managed to look strong. But please WWE turn him heel! Is it me or is Vince being a chicken when it comes to turning some guys heel? I mean he had many chance to do it for Cena for the past couple of years, Batista now, hell even Lashley. I mean I'm not buying this tweener shit, let Batista be a heel. Not the chickenshit Edge type of heel. But the ANIMAL type of heel who wouldn't let anything stand in his way, his character needs this; I'm surprised they're heeling HBK more than Batista! Vince all the major stars don't have to be faces! Just ask ur son in law.
Oh and I definetly agree with u that this feud should continue, and get settled with a hell in a cell match. And it's not like there's some heel on SmackDown that would pose a serious threat for the Undertaker at the time being.
Match rating: ***1/4. I still think it could have been even more if they had 3 extra minutes or so, hell maybe I'll give it more when I watch it again. Oh and I really didn't like Michael Cole, sorry man, but seriously, whenever he says: "NO way the streak is over!" you know Taker is kicking out.
ECW originals vs. New breed: Well this was just Balls and Ass, not in terms of the actual wrestling, but in terms of a match taking place on the biggest PPV of the year and it had to do with a storyline they gave some time to, I mean the whole story on ECW for 2 months was the originals vs. new breed, and they only give them 6 minutes, and it felt like a main event on ECW on SCI FI! Seriously if that match was on free TV, I would have said it was average, but since its WrestleMania, then I dunno what to say. To make things worse they're having the rematch as an extreme rules match on ECW, I mean why not make it extreme rules on the PPV? And give them 10 maybe 15 minutes to make it a fun yet brutal tag match? Well at least RVD made the cover, which is a good sign that he might stay.
Rating: *. Yes I gave Kane and Khali more!
BOTB: Now we all knew this wasn't about the wrestling, we all knew it was going to be overbooked; we all knew the wrestlers involved were kinda overlooked (well at least for Umaga). But the fact is the match delivered, the wrestling wasn't bad, it was really fun, Stone Cold got to kick ass, Lashley looked strong (I still don't like him), Vince got his head shaved, it was really fun, and WrestleMania isn't all about the drama. So I liked this match, it was fun, just what it was supposed to be. And I agree with every word u said about it.
Rating: ***. For the entertainment more than the wrestling.
Women's title: can we please not get into that?
WWE championship: HBK vs. Cena.
Ah yes, my favourite match of the night. I totally agree with u there, SCREW THE CRITICS, that match was awesome. First of all, why should they do all the interesting stuff and drama at the beginning? I actually loved that beginning, with HBK playing the mind games with Cena, then ducking all his punches using his quickness and outwrestling him, showing him that he is the better wrestler. Even Lawler said HBK was teaching Cena a wrestling lesson, and that was really important for the story they were telling in the ring. Then came to cool Asai moonsault spot, then he started working on the leg, then the last 10 minutes were pure gold! Of course, Cena just ignored or forgot about the leg he was favouring for the better part of the match, but his name isn't Chris Benoit so that's ok I guess. And any match with a piledriver is enough for me to love! That piledriver was awesome. All in all, great match, great way to finish the event.
Rating: ****1/4
Man that felt like a whole column, not a feedback, but it was WrestleMania and the main matches delivered, and I enjoyed it so my E-mail had to be long... Until next time...
take care.
Hey Samer, glad you enjoyed Mania on Sunday. People have said it's impossible for WWE to put on a bad Mania these days and I think that's true. You may have certain disappointments from the show but overall you know it was a good event.
You make some great points on the MVP/Benoit match particularly the thing about the arm which I didn't even consider. However I think I'd have preferred Benoit to win with a roll-up or something like that because I'm not buying the headbutt as a legit finisher, much like I wouldn't buy Kurt Angle's Olympic Slam as a finisher nowadays. Still, nice to see Benoit get a WM win again and I'm sure MVP still has a huge future ahead of him.
I think you were a little harsh on the ECW match because it wasn't a BAD match but I do see your point. At least we got a great match on ECW in Extreme Rules but the NB going over makes me think that some of the Originals future may not be as safe as I had hoped, although word has it that McMahonagement were impressed with the performances of the Originals Sunday and Tuesday so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
We agreed on all the other matches so nothing to say there.
Thanks for your feedback Samer!
And that's it again for feedback this week. As much as I enjoy getting feedback from Samer and Dominick, it'd be nice if some of you other readers stepped up and dropped me a line. Anyone?
Taking It Home
Next week the Screwjobs take a look at an old friend, Paul Heyman. That and so much more. Till then, have a good week.
