Evolution Schematic 04.11.07: Dude Love
Posted by Mathew Sforcina on 04.11.2007
He's the King of Love, doncha know.
Overview
This seems, on the surface, a very silly move on my part. This column, still finding it's feet after an extended rest, is all about explaining changes, showing that long careers, with various turns and twists of a person's soul, overall, still makes sense. My job is to go beyond name changes, changes in attitude, changes in style, to show that Monty Brown = Marcus Cor Von (Easy- Ego & Money and a distinctly bad sense of guile), that Mordicai = Kevin Thorne (talk about a fall from grace), that Colt Cabana = Whatever he turns up as in ECW (You want predictions, see Ariel. Or Minotti. Or Adamson). So why should this be any different? Why shouldn't Dude Love = Mick Foley?
Because Dude Love is Not Mick Foley. Mick is an exception to the rule, a very big exception, in more ways that one. Bradshaw was still Bradshaw when he was worshipping Satan, sorry, Undertaker. He was just looking for something beyond his money, looking for meaning to life. CM Punk is still Punk, regardless of whether the fans are cheering him or booing him. Eric Young is Eric Young, with or without Roode controlling him.
Consistent to these are, well, consistency. It's well hidden, but that's the point of the whole column, these guys are the same, just with changes to their outlook. But Mick, poor poor Mick…
The entity known as Mick Foley has 4 unique personas buried in that scarred, obsessed with Christmas brain of his.
There's Mick Foley, the (as of today) overriding, dominate personality, the one that's sane. Well, mostly.
There's Cactus Jack, the risk taking persona that developed when Mick couldn't cut it in the wrestling business, the guy who came out who could not only survive, but kick major ass in the wrestling world.
There's Mankind, the bizarre, anti-mainstream persona Mick forced his mind to create in order to rebel while conforming, the guy he created to stick it to Vince McMahon and the WWF in general, who was less caring, more insane than Cactus Jack at times. The guy who fell off the Cell, and got right back up, only to fall through the cell, and then GOT UP AGAIN. Of course, he ended up becoming mainstream and basically a human Muppet, but that's another story for another time.
And then, there's Dude Love. The guy Mick always wanted to be. The Champion Mick always wanted to be. The ladies man Mick always wanted to be. Everything Mick Foley secretly desired from the business, even while he idolized Terry Funk, got blown up in Japan, brawled in WCW, brawled to the extreme in ECW, and then clawed his way (literally) into the WWF.
To understand Mick Foley, the being, you have to not only understand Mick Foley the persona, but also Cactus, Mankind and, obviously Dude. And like you cannot build a tower from the top down, one must first grasp the three ‘minor' personas. In order to avoid Foley Overload, we shall do this over several weeks.
But first, Dude Love. The guy Mick Foley always wanted to be…
Origins- Mike I understand. Michael would make sense. Dick or Rick I could buy. But Frank? FRANK?
Mick Foley began as any other lacrosse playing, high school oddball with a sophomore sense of humour and a desire to get some.
Sounds like the set up for a cheesy 80's teenage sex comedy, don't it.
Regardless, he soon developed a fondness, a fandom for Pro Wrestling. He'd hitchhike to MSG, he had posters on the wall, the whole nine yards. He soon realised he wanted to be a wrestler. And then came a pseudo-date with a girl he liked. He walked her home, and as she walked through the door, she thanked him.
And then called her Frank.
This, shockingly, was the moment that started the life of Dude Love, and thus, Cactus Jack, and hence Mick's whole career. I wonder if he ever hunted her down and thanked her for being so scatterbrained.
Debut- The Loved One, the most important home movie outside of the works of Mr. A. Zapruder and Miss P. Anderson.
A short ‘film' called "The Legend Of Frank Foley" made with his buddies followed, about a guy being called Frank by a girl he likes, falling into depression and then being nursed back to health. Today that would be stuck up on Youtube or made into a flash on Newgrounds or some such. But back then, it was just Mick and his buddies messing about.
Hence, the fact he wasn't happy with the film was reinforced by his friends, and a second, much more ambitious ‘film' was made. And this, called ‘The Loved One', was the start. For in this film, Mick would play a guy who would never be misnamed, a chick magnet, the WWF Champion and all round beloved guy.
After all, he was The Dude, he was Loved, he was Dude Love.
The film itself was fairly ridiculous, filled with crappy sound and supporting actors who only supported whatever they were leaning against at the time. But it had two main aspects that would impact on Mick's life, and hence Pro Wrestling.
Firstly, it created Dude Love. Although at first it was just Mick playing a role, it did give him a taste, however briefly and diluted, of being in front of a camera and talking, of being the champ, of being THE MAN, even if the World Wrestling Federation belt was made of tinfoil and cardboard. So deep down, Mick's first taste of being a Pro Wrestler was in Dude Love.
And secondly, perhaps arguably more important, was the climax of the story. Dude Love was in the title match, and looked to finish off his opponent. And in a scene that has played out across hundreds of Backyard ‘Wrestling' videos since then, Mick climbed up onto the top of a house and jumped off onto mattresses and cardboard boxes, missing the Snuka Splash and then being pinned and then sodomized.
Hey, I said he had a sophomoric sense of humor.
But, through a series of showings and trades, the tape, somehow, ended up in the hands of Dominic Denucci, a renowned wrestler and trainer. He admired Dude's guts, if not his physique or brains, and offered to train Mick as a wrestler. Mick jumped at the chance, but he knew that he couldn't be Dude Love just yet. He knew he had a long road ahead of him of learning, of training, of getting his butt kicked. So instead of being Dude Love and thus have people think of Dude Love as a loser, he'd invent a name to wrestle under until he got good. He took one that his dad made up, Cactus Jack.
But then Cactus Jack, the persona, emerged, and Dude Love faded into the back of Mick's mind, as Jack fought and bleed and injured people and had people injure him.
But eventually, Dude would resurface.
Phase 2- "I wasn't Cactus Jack. I certainly wasn't Mankind. I was Dude Love…"
As Mankind tore a path of chaos through the WWF, Jim Ross decided to risk his life and interview Mankind, Mick Foley. The interview was important, as it was wide ranging, but eventually focused on Mankind's past, in order for the fans who didn't know about Cactus Jack to learn of him.
But then Dude Love popped up.
Mankind told of how he made the film, and of how as a kid, when he hadn't been trained, he never wanted to end up as Cactus Jack, the guy who set himself on fire and wrestled on beds of nails to win. He never dreamed his life would take him into becoming Mankind, the psychotic freak with the terrible hair and the mask, the ultimate FU to the WWF for not taking him sooner. No, his dreams of being a Pro Wrestler did not focus on pain, bloodshed and respect.
Nope. The centered on chicks, money, titles and chicks. He idolized Terry Funk and Abdullah The Butcher. But he wanted to be Shawn Michaels. He wanted to be the good looking, popular, beloved, chick pulling champion, at least as a kid, he claimed. But deep down, Mick wanted to be Dude Love. He wanted, still, to be that guy. But how could he? He was scarred, broken down, and just how on earth could he become Dude Love? It just wasn't possible.
But then, cosmic balance shifted, and the impossible became needed.
Phase 2b- Exit the true Sexy Boy. Enter his replacement!
For in the wacky way Tag Team Titles tend to go every once in a while, two main stars who didn't particularly like each other, Shawn Michaels and Stone Cold Steve Austin won the WWF Tag Team Titles off The British Bulldog and Owen Hart, two members of the hated/loved reformed Hart Foundation. And then Shawn Michaels was injured. Hence they vacated the titles, and a quick 8 team tournament was held to determine who would get to fight Steve Austin and a partner of his choosing for the vacant tag titles.
Mankind then offered his services as a tag team partner, in his own unique style. He wore a big sign around his neck saying "Pick Me Steve!" and got his butt kicked to show how resilient he was. But Austin wanted ‘nothing to do with a freak', and in his own unique style set out to take on both Owen Hart and Bulldog one on two. This didn't go too well, and Austin was getting his butt kicked.
When suddenly a happy jive sounding voice was heard, and a pair of white boots was seen on the titantron. After a few moments, Dude Love made his debut in the world of legit Pro Wrestling, saying how he understood how Austin didn't want to team with that freak Mankind, but he didn't say anything about teaming with ‘the hippest cat in the land', Dude Love.
A catchphrase later, Dude Love came out to the ring and waited in the corner as Austin looked on totally confused and Owen and Bulldog…well they took advantage of this and continued the beat down. But eventually Austin got the tag, and Dude Love came in and delivered offence that was totally unlike Mankind or indeed Cactus Jack's. And he almost lost, Austin having to deliver a Stunner to Bulldog while Owen was forced to his corner, Dude Love crawling over Bulldog to get the win.
A couple of Dude Love groupies (one of whom was married to Mick Foley) then got into the ring and danced with Dude as Austin considered his options, then decided to take the gold, showing Dude a bit of respect and then leaving Dude to celebrate his title gold in his first official match.
Phase 2c- Austin and Dude, YOUR Tag Team Champions (provided you're not Canadian).
Dude Love enjoyed his title belt, but didn't enjoy the week in, week out rigors of the business, and especially the fact that Hunter Hearse Helmsley didn't differentiate between Dude and Mankind, going after both as their feud continued. And hence began an odd situation where both Dude and Mankind would wrestle, occasionally in the same match as one would become the other. Most of the time, if Austin was involved he was Dude, if Austin wasn't around, it was Mankind.
Dude then had a memorable moment at Summerslam, as in a match to try and determine a winner, to end the long running problems between Hunter and the Foley personas, Mankind fought Helmsley in a steel cage at Summerslam. But when Mankind had the match won, as Mankind could have let go of the cage and stepped onto the ground to win, Dude Love took over. And he climbed back up, and dropped an elbow off the top, paying homage to Jimmy Snuka many years ago.
Then Dude climbed up and out and won the match. But later on the card, Owen Hart broke Austin's neck. This was bad.
Phase 2d- Giving up the belt, and we get 3 for the price of 1.
So Austin and Dude were forced to give up the belts. And to finally, once and for all, sort of, to end the Hunter/Foley war, on a special episode of Raw, Dude Love refused to fight Hunter in a Falls Count Anywhere match. As did Mankind. For drastic times called for drastic measures, and hence Cactus Jack was reborn.
Thus, all 3 personas now began to take control at various points, all trying to create dominance. At first, it seemed Dude was winning, as in the weeks after Cactus beat Hunter, Dude was the main guy people saw, until Kane dismantled him in his path of destruction, forcing Mankind to defend Dude's honor at Survivor Series in Kane's ‘first' big time match.
This lead to Cactus Jack resurfacing, as Terry Funk, sorry, Chainsaw Charlie debuted. So Dude was forced to the back, resurfacing (after The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust parodied him) at the Royal Rumble as entrant number #28, after Cactus and Mankind had both entered and lost, Dude getting to the final four before turning on Austin and thus being tossed shortly after.
This was the last the WWF would see of Dude for a while. But when he came back…oh my.
Phase 3- Well, given Shawn had failed, how about the next best thing?
For Vince McMahon, desperate to get the WWF Title belt off Steve Austin, turned to Mick Foley. Cactus Jack was upset at the fans, but wanted to punish them by just leaving. Mankind Vince couldn't handle, couldn't get a grip on, given he was in essence a rebellion against Vince in the first place. But Dude…
Dude was easy. Vince promised him girls, title gold, girls, money, girls, girls, the easy life, girls, the whole nine yards. And Dude happily agreed. Thus Dude came out on April 13th, 1998 (an important night if you care about ratings) and stopped an Austin/Vince match, and attacked Austin. And after ‘beating' undefeated Steve Blackman with an abdominal stretch the following week (i.e. Vince ringing the bell the second the hold was applied), Dude was on a roll heading into Unforgiven, where he was the ‘mystery' #1 contender for the title, although most people assumed it would be Dude.
Unfortunately for Vince and Dude, Dude won the match by DQ when Austin hit the ref, although really Dude, Austin and Vince all got involved so really it was a massive clusterfuck and thus Vince declared the result he liked.
Phase 3b- The Right Motivation
But the following night he still needed to motivate Foley, as failing to win the title meant that Mick was able to suppress Dude Love, and thus he became remorseful about dancing with strippers and being at Vince's beck and call…but could he still be #1 Contender?
Mick then won the match Vince forced him to enter, destroying Terry Funk in the WWF's first official ‘hardcore' match. But then, as Mick left, Vince came out with the Dude Love attire, the Dudettes, and Dude's theme music. And that brought Dude Love right back out again.
So the match was made, with Vince stacking the deck as far as he could in Dude's favor. He had his cronies, Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco as guest ring announcer and time keeper respectively. And Vince, since the refs couldn't keep control last month, made himself the special guest referee.
And Dude Love, despite being the weedy, cowardly persona of Mick Foley, still managed to dig deep. This was his moment, his time, he could win this one tough match then coast the rest of his career. Perhaps he tapped the same drive that Mick Foley had when he beat Terry Funk, perhaps Cactus Jack decided to take a bit more revenge on the fans, whatever the reason, Dude Love gave the performance of his life.
But it still wasn't good enough. Thanks to Taker at ringside ensuring the match went fairly, Dude lost his advantage and ended up eating a couple of Stunners and was pinned by Austin, with Vince ‘counting' the fall via Austin lifting and dropping Vince's hand.
Phase 4- Failure
The following night, Dude Love was fired by Vince. But Mankind then used this chance to come back. But that's another Schematic.
Phase 5- For One Night Only! (I mean, we could have seen a return, but you people had to vote for Mankind, didn't you? Seriously though, Mankind? We should have got Cactus Jack since he kicks ass or Dude out of ironic detachment. But no, you people picked Mankind. Well SCREW YOU ALL!)
Ahem.
Dude made a pseudo return on an episode of Raw, when all 3 faces of Foley cut a promo on Carlito in order to try and convince the fans to vote for them at Taboo Tuesday 05 to fight Carlito. But Mankind won the vote, so Dude was not seen.
Today- Perhaps, for the best.
Mick Foley, having been away from the ring, seems to have gotten the 3 Faces under control. Yes, he occasionally brings Cactus out when he needs to kick major ass, and there's always the theme music to link him to Mankind, but Dude Love, ah, well he's buried, and buried deep. But still…one solid chair shot, and maybe, just maybe, that hippie disco lover might pop back up…
Conclusion
He seems the most disliked aspect of Mick Foley's overall character. And that's, perhaps, justifiable. After all, Dude is the one who's greedy and self centered, who wants to coast, who doesn't care that much. He's the least hardcore of them all, he actively hates pain. And maybe, just maybe…
He reminds us too much of our own childhood dreams. Dude Love is our secret superhero, our secret princess, the deep down fantasy we all have of being rich, lazy and popular with little effort. We see way too much of ourselves in Dude, and hence we don't like him. But he lives in all of us. And really, deep down, he just wants to be loved, and have some fun. I guess what I'm trying to say is, well…
