The Thursday Small-For-All News Report 04.12.07
Posted by Jeff Small on 04.12.2007
If only I had a theme song for this news report. It would be sung by Silkk the Shocker of course.
Welcome back to another edition of the Thursday news report that never ever makes mistakes. Well except for last week when I awoke on Thursday morning to the sounds of actual reader feedback! It's not like I see that every week! Anyway, the majority of emails pointed out that I, your great Small-For-All leader, made a mistake last week. For those of you who did not read last week's Small-For-All (and why didn't you?), I was doing my usual half-assed review of WWE the Music Vol. 7 and stated that I was shocked that MVP's music wasn't included. Well, you smart-ass readers pointed out that MVP's music has already been released on a WWE CD (entitled Wreckless Intent). Truth is I barely remember that album. Hell, I barely remember anything that the WWE has put out that hasn't featured the magnificent Peanut Butter Wolf.
I appreciate all of the feedback, wise-asses.
As for this week, I shall try to revert back to my mistake-free days. Thankfully there's no WWE the Music Vol. 8 for me to fuck up.
WWE Never Ending Whiners Society
That abbreviation seems so apropos, doesn't it?
Well It's Still Better Than Batista
According to the Wrestling Observer, "The Undertaker has been told this will be the first long-term title run of his career. Vince told him he wanted to give him a long-run but needed a commitment to a full-time schedule in return. It remains to be seen just how long Undertaker can keep up the schedule as he is in need of a hip replacement."
If only the WWE could promote a "Will The Undertaker break his hip?" storyline. Then they can put him in matches with such green goblins like Snitsky, Batista, and the Boogeyman. I would bet money that it would raise the live attendance at house shows. I'm such a sadist.
Actually, it's nice to see that the Undertaker will be able to get a long reign with the title. I'm all for it unless they do two more Taker/Batista rematches. The Wrestlemania match was quite special in my eyes so I don't need two more rematches to reassure that the first match was only a fluke. Sadly, we are stuck with round 2 at Backlash (oops, a spoiler).
Oh, and Mr. Kennedy better end the Undertaker's reign. KENNEDY!!!
Just Don't Tell This to Tommy Dreamer
According to the Observer, "The Originals victory over the New Breed in the ECW match was a gesture of goodwill towards Rob Van Dam. WWE wanted to show that they still value him and would like him to sign a new contract rather than leave for TNA in the summer. He has still to make a decision either way."
Since then, RVD has jobbed twice, most notably to Marcus "Smooth" Cor Von. Because nothing tells you that you are loved than mixed signals. For a wrestling company, the WWE is quite feminine. (The next news piece might explain why.)
Personally, if I were RVD, I would stay with the WWE. With TNA completely falling apart underneath Russo and company, why wouldn't RVD stay with a company that already makes nonsensical booking decisions? Six months ago, my advice for RVD would be to flip-flop to TNA. But Kurt Angle did that first and he's barely making waves anymore.
In summary, RVD: stay and you'll be rewarded with another IC reign. It sure beats jobbing to Tyson Tomko.
New Title Same Old Triple H Push
According to the Wrestling Observer, "Stephanie Levesque has been promoted to Executive Vice President of Creative. The promotion comes with a pay raise and more power in the Board of Directors."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Seriously, kudos to Steph. Executive VP of Creative sure sounds much better than Head Writer. And as long as she stays off of my television then I won't complain.
Chris Benoit is Here and He's Stayin' Put
According to the Observer, "Chris Benoit was originally slated to drop the US title to Montel Vontavious Porter but the finish was changed when WWE decided to keep him on Smackdown rather than making the rumored switch to Raw."
Good news for all. First, this allows the Benoit/MVP feud to continue (and I think the entire IWC is okay with this). Second, Benoit does not have to worry about being lost in the shuffle on Raw since there's no way he will be involved in a program with Vince McMahon. Lastly, the Undertaker/Chris Benoit has never been done and oh man, I would totally plop down $40 to watch a PPV match between them.
Speaking of PPV matches and MVP/Benoit, let's check out what's on tap for Friday Night Smackdown.
Smackdown Spoiled Raw
Well I already spoiled on Backlast PPV match! And if in case you missed it, Batista/Taker 2: this time with a gimmick attached!
One of the two hyped matches from last week never happens. Can anyone say bait and switch?
The other hyped match happens and this one's for the tag titles!
Small-For-All darlings MVP and Benoit have what-should-have-been their Wrestlemania match.
Kane vs. Davari. Need I say more?
In our main event, the Smackdown ME at Backlash teams up to take on our bait-n-switch performers from earlier that evening.
Randy Orton SO is not my Anti-Drug
According to an independent website (declarationsofindependents.net), "This past Friday night (4/6) at a OVW house show in Owensboro, Kentucky, Atlas Dabone, Victoria Crawford & Jake Hager showed up in no condition to work. Allegedly, all three were stoned out of their minds and reeked of marijuana."
Now while I might not know who these motherfuckers are… actually I'll give you a little bit of info about each of them. Crawford was signed by Johnny Ace at the same time as Kelly Kelly (they were in the same modeling magazine). She must be an awful dancer (or interviewer) considering she hasn't worked her way to ECW yet. Hager was an amateur wrestling champion out of Oklahoma so at least JR is down with him. Lastly, Dabone has a really cool name and has been with OVW for one month. But he has the look (and a funny first name) so expect a HUGE push coming soon.
So what's the point of this news piece? I'm not really sure actually. But hey, if any of those three names are found on the WWE.com home page in the upcoming weeks, you at least know why.
TNA NEWZ
MyImpact on MYNework… I Like the Ring to That!
From PWInsider, "TNA and SpikeTV continue to negotiate with each other about expanding TNA on the network, reports Mike Johnson of PWInsider.com. Such talks include expanding Impact and adding additional TNA programming on the network. Spike is interested in building its relationship with TNA, since it has been the only show that has delivered consistency as far as ratings goes, to the network, since UFC made its debut. …There is a possibly that two other broadcast carriers are interested in TNA as well. One of them is the syndicated, MyNetwork TV"
Would a network change have any effect on TNA though? Right now, the problem with the company is their booking plans not what channel they are on. Currently, I have a Tivo and I'm damn sure that the DVR would have no problem finding TNA regardless of what channel broadcasts the show. The big question is "Will I want to watch their programming?"
Sadly, that looks to be all the TNA news of this last week. More news will be available next week as the company heads into their Lockdown PPV.
The Great Small/Slimmer Gchat
Originally, I was going to post the Gchat conversation between Slimmer and I, but I realize that only 1% of my readers might actually give a damn (that would be Slimmer). Unless of course you all are interested with a conversation focusing on Droz, CSONKA, and a Flock of Seagulls. Personally, I bet most of you just don't care.
Which is okay, since I have another surprise for you today.
The Great Diana Hart Book Report
I have no idea as to why I found portions of Diana Hart's book online, but I have. And since I have nothing better to write about today, I figure I'll leave you with a brief chapter.
Disclaimer: The following is taken strictly from Diana Hart's book. I, in no way, shape, of form, think of Bret Hart as being this much of an asshole.
"That same RAW show in Calgary in May of 2001 was the reason Bret promised my mother the next time he sets foot in their house will be at my dad's funeral. My dad was introduced at ringside to a huge ovation from the Saddledome crowd. Me, my sister Ellie and two of my brothers, Smith and Bruce, were with him. Bruce made sure I was seated behind them, somewhat out of sight.
Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit delivered a beautiful, moving tribute to my dad on tape, and then approached my dad in person to thank him for helping make their dreams come true. I could see emotion swell in Benoit's eyes when my dad returned his hug. After that appearance, Bret wheeled into my parents' driveway in his red Durango. He stormed into the house and yanked photos of Owen and him off the walls.
The sign Smith had held up at the tapings, which read, "Hello Bret", prompted part of Bret's anger!
My mother was broken hearted that Bret was robbing her of pictures of her precious blonde palomino. It was almost too much for her. Then the phone rang. It was Martha.
"Helen, I think you are disgusting and pathetic and despicable! Go to hell!" she screamed, then hung up.
My Mom sank slowly into the nearest chair and buried her face in her hands. Martha and Bret's callousness toward my parents regarding Owen continues to take its toll."
COMING ATTRACTIONS
Quite the light week, eh? Well here's hoping that next week, we have much more news. If we are lucky, Carlito will be fired, the Backlash card will be announced, and I'll bitch and moan about the stupidity of an all-Cage PPV. And if you aren't lucky, then you shall be stuck with the Small/Slimmer Gchat. Until then…
Marsico's in tomorrow!
For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!!!!!!!!!!!
