Column of Honor: 04.14.07
Posted by Ari Berenstein on 04.14.2007
Back in charge of my column and putting the honor where it belongs—front and center. Plus: Colt Cabana history and where he goes next, 4/13/07 results from Long Island, as well as thoughts on Rave, Homicide and Becky Bayless.
April 12, 2007
To: The Owners and Operators of 411mania.com, LLC.
Re: The Column of Hero
CC: Larry Sweeney, Esq., Conem, Fleecem, and Sue Attorneys at Law
To Whom It May Concern:
It is with great sorrow and regret that I, Chris Hero, the greatest wrestler alive today, a very handsome man, and quite possibly, the finest columnist on 411mania.com, tender my resignation as the full-time author of the Column of Hero. Due to my extensive list of professional responsibilities, including, but not limited to wrestling matches, personal appearances and family responsibilities, I cannot dedicate the necessary time to writing an internet column on a weekly basis, so I figure that it would be best to pass the torch, if you will, to someone who has that kind of time on their hands. I searched high and low for the last week to find a suitable replacement, but what I came to realize is that none of my close associates have the time to do it either, as we are all in demand, and being pulled in so many different directions by professional obligations, so I went to my secondary list of choices. What I found was that none of them were available either. So, when I informed the owners of said website, they made a suggestion to yours truly. Ever since I have taken over this column, the deposed author of the "Column of Honor", Ari Berenstein, has been in a terrible state of depression, and from what I've been told, on suicide watch. His puny life has been in shambles since our legal "tet-a-tet", and from what I hear, he hasn't left his basement, not even for that big Pokemon tournament that he was supposed to be in. So, after a great deal of deep thought, I have decided to show the world what kind of humanitarian that I am, and allow Ari to return to his normal life, and to the authorship of this column. Even though Ari and I don't see eye to eye, I will admit that if it wasn't for his half way decent work on this site, I wouldn't have ever even considered contacting him, and giving him my words of wisdom on a weekly basis. So, Ari, if you want to "come home", here is your offer. There is just one catch. My representatives at Conem, Fleecem, and Sue Attorneys at Law have sent off a legal agreement to Mr. Berenstein, which he has signed, notarized and returned, that states that if he in any way, shape or form slanders me, Chris Hero, I reserve the right to have him removed from his authoring position. So, with that in mind, watch your mouth boy, because I will be listening, watching and reading. I will continue to contribute my weekly perspectives in the "Hero's Sandwich" segment, just to keep you all informed of my greatness and to give you your weekly moments of enlightenment. Before I finish, I'd like to thank the millions of people who sent me fan mail during my tenure as writer of this column. Without you, I would still be great, but it's nice to know you all think I'm great too. Sayonara, suckers!
Your Hero,
"Chris Hero"
At last, my long nightmare of the past three weeks is over. Hello everyone, this is indeed Ari Berenstein, welcoming you all back tomy column, the Column of Honor. I'm sure many of my readers know that for the past two weeks, a so called "Chris Hero" took over my spot on 411mania. What you didn't know is that I had been working hard through various channels, both within 411 and on my own, in order to get back what is rightfully mine. Larry Csonka was apparently unable to reason with Hero and his agent "Sweet and Sour" Larry Sweeney and Ashish had his proverbial hands tied given the written legalize of Hero's contract. While I couldn't write my column, Larry assured me that I could still have a role within the company, which is why I have continued to participate in some of 411 Wrestling's other features, such as the Wrestler of the Week, roundtables and even this week's Fact or Fiction. I appreciate and thank Larry and Ashish for showing their faith in me and keeping me in the loop here at 411.
It was then that I consulted with my team of legal advisors at Dreidel and Dreidel, Attorney's at Law to undo the contractual impact. Unfortunately, it was the Passover holiday and they could not do any work until the week was over. Even consulting my local Rabbi, Rebbe Eli Jakob Mandel, was no use. I was stuck on the sidelines, forced to watch Chris Hero turn this column into his twisted vision of a wrestling column. Column of Honor became Column of Hero, which was a mockery of internet journalism.
Assuming the mantle of writer, Hero managed to bash, insult and offend just about everyone---from his fellow wrestlers, to the 411 staff and even to the readers. For all of that I sincerely apologize. I couldn't stop Hero's inane ranting and his attempt to redefine the gold standard for what is an "IWC Bitch Fest." However, now is the time to restore some honor back into the proceedings here. I want to personally apologize to such great writers as Bayani Domingo (its spelled "Truth B Told" and that's the way it should be) and Zac Calhoun (who has a very fun column), Samuel Berman (A guy who has even more enthusiasm about Ring of Honor than me), Michael Weyer (whose "Shining the Spotlight" is insightful and very well written) and anyone else on staff who was hurt by what Chris Hero had to say. Well…everyone except Stu Carapola…but we'll get to him later.
I also want to apologize to the wrestlers who were insulted and offended—it's not the intention of this column to denigrate just because it can. I feel that I have to be better than that in order to maintain a solid reputation and uphold the integrity of an internet writer.
"Chris Hero", you did your worst to undermine me and destroy my readership and my good name. This is unforgivable. You may have disappeared for this week, but I promise you, there will be a reckoning between you and me.
It's been a long time since I've done this, so I'm going to apologize if I show a bit of ‘net ring rust. How do you know someone is "blown up" on the internet anyway?
Even aside from the Chris Hero situation, it hasn't been a real good week for me. Of course, the Holiday break is over and now I face seven straight weeks of teaching without a day off. I won't complain about that too strenuously, as teachers have it really well off with breaks and such. The main thing I disliked was that a majority of my students did not do any of the assigned reading! I mean, I should have expected it, but the fact that my students came in woefully unprepared to discuss the novel still threw me for a loop. Tell me, is it understandable and even allowable for nearly an entire class not to do work when a teacher assigns it? I guess in 2007 it's completely fine in today's school system.
So there was the difficulty of reworking the lessons to fit the kids—that was one thing. Then I come to find out that the very cute fellow teacher (and finally, a female coworker around my age!) I had been digging on for a few weeks have a boyfriend up at UMASS. After getting all hyped up, boom, the proverbial flat tire. At least I didn't make a total ass of myself by asking her out before I found out that crucial information.
Then the same day I had a health scare about my personal well being. While doing a self examination of my, ahem "personal parts", I felt a lump or at least a small bump. Oh yeah, let your imagination run wild with that one—I sure did. I guess it gives Test's fans a whole new meaning. The next day I had it checked out and it turned out to be not the major problem as I had led myself to believe. Let me tell you though, I was freaked out for a bit—and I was no fun at all during the day. However I want this to be a message to all the twenty-somethings out there. We shouldn't feel invulnerable anymore—make sure, real sure of your health and get regular check ups, because you never know.
So of course, when everything checked out, I did the best thing for myself and my body, I ordered a pizza to celebrate my health. From Dominos no less. Did you know you could order on the internet? That is awesome! I didn't even have to talk to anyone on the phone—and you know for us internet junkies, the less in person communication, the better. You even save some money with their online coupons. I hadn't ordered Dominos in years, but let me tell you—their pizza is damned great! I had a medium thin slice with onions and pineapple and a medium regular crust with beef and peppers. Both were just kick ass. It was a great day to be alive, with my Dominos delivery.
So now that you know everything about my life that you did and did not need to know, let's get to the real important items—on the docket, Ring of Honor in Long Island, Colt Cabana and much more.
ROH Results: Long Island, NY 4/13/07 Matches
-Kevin Steen defeated Pelle Primeau with the Package Piledriver.
-Daizee Haze defeated Sara Del Rey via rollup pinfall.
-Erick Stevens defeated Jason Blade in a Four Corner Survival match which also included El Generico and Eddie Edwards. Stevens hit Blade with a powerbomb for the pin.
-Delirious defeated Colt Cabana via a rollup.
-Claudio Castagnoli defeated Jay Briscoe (w/ Mark Briscoe) with the Alpamare Waterslide.
-Brent Albright defeated Homicide via pinfall with two half nelson German Suplexes.
-Jack Evans defeated SHINGO with the 630 Splash.
-Roderick Strong, Davey Richards & Rocky Romero defeated Austin Aries, Matt Cross & Erick Stevens in an Elimination match. No Remorse Corps win with a 3-0 sweep. a. Stevens eliminated by Strong after a Gibson Driver. b. Cross eliminated by Richards after a DR Driver. c. Aries eliminated by Romero after a Tiger Suplex.
-Nigel McGuinness & Doug Williams defeated ROH World Champion Takeshi Morishima & Chris Hero (with Larry Sweeney & Tank Toland) when Nigel pinned Hero after the Jawbreaker Lariat.
Angles and Issues
-After Stevens won in the Four Corner Survival match, Austin Aries invited him to join his group. Stevens accepted the offer and becomes the newest member of what Aries is calling "The Resilience." There are those on the internet scoffing at that name already, but for what it's worth I like it and it seems pretty appropriate for Aries' situation and all. I will also mention I am now two for two as far as my predictions on who will join what side (although I doubt I will stay perfect on that score given the volatile nature of pro wrestling).
-The No Remorse Corps made sure to get their licks in by attacking Aries, Cross and Stevens from behind and these two teams brawled to the back.
-Delirious vs. Cabana was said to be a great comedy match, with Cabana using a number of different masks to confuse and bewilder Delirious. Now THAT is some match psychology right there. No word on if he used the Matt Classic mask.
-After defeating Jay Briscoe in a singles match, Claudio Castagnoli staked his claim on an ROH World Tag Team title shot. Claudio will get a partner of his choosing, perhaps someone outside of ROH, to help him regain the belts. Then Kevin Steen and El Generico came out and put their names in the hat for a title shot. Jay agreed but then Steen and Generico blindsided both he and his brother Mark. Mark got hit hard (Kayfabe wise) and according to updates for tonight's show by Gabe Sapolsky, Mark will not appear on the show, which should increase the heat for the inevitable rematch of these two teams as well as put extra emphasis on tonight's tag match between Generico, Steen and Jay and Erick Stevens.
-After Albright's match with Homicide, the notorious one got himself a measure of revenge when he and J-Train smashed Shane Hagadorn with a spike piledriver onto a steel chair.
-To add extra oomph to tonight's ROH World title match, Nigel McGuinness and Takeshi Morishima had a face to face stare down at the end of the main event tag team match. Nigel made it clear that despite his ties to Pro Wrestling NOAH, that he would do what he had to do in order to become ROH World champion.
Last week, the news of Colt Cabana's signing to WWE traveled far and wide across the internet. ROH announced a farewell tour similar to that of Samoa Joe's back in February. Cabana's last four dates were yesterday in Long Island, today in Edison, then in St. Paul and Chicago on April 27th and 28th. By the end of the month, ROH will lose one of its funniest, most entertaining wrestlers on the roster.
It's not that this was completely unexpected. Everyone and their mother had at one point or another raised the question—why isn't Colt Cabana in WWE yet? He seemed so perfect for the "sports entertainment" company in that he was a big enough guy and also had a hell of a sense of humor that was right down the WWE's alley. Well, actually, I don't think Cabana ever impersonated Kane screwing around with a dead corpse, but he did dress up as a fairy on ECW. Its close enough, don't you think, Tink?
Maybe the inevitability of Colt Cabana being signed is why losing Colt Cabana isn't hitting me as hard as it could. When Samoa Joe announced that he was leaving (i.e. forced out by TNA), that came as a shock to fans because they didn't see it coming (although behind the scenes it was known for several months). In the example of Cabana's departure, the possibility that Colt would make it to WWE was always looming, especially with his friend CM Punk tearing it up in ECW and his trainer Ace Steel already working in developmental. Plus, WWE had taken a look at Cabana several times and knew what he was about. While Cabana had signed with Wrestling Society X on a season by season basis, when MTV pulled WSX, everyone speculated that it wouldn't take too long for WWE to scoop up Cabana as well as troubled prodigy Teddy Hart. It was just a matter of the right time and the right offer to come in.
Cabana has been the largely supporting character in his run in ROH. He was the "sidekick" to CM Punk in the Second City Saints and he performed the role excellently well. He played the happy go lucky foil to Punk's bitter and hardnosed straight-edge attitude. As a heel, Cabana would kick in some wacky one liner that would throw off Punk's serious promos. When the duo became a face tag team and won the ROH Tag Titles they were a fun, sitcom like "Odd Couple". Cabana's wackiness with Punk became highlights of 2003-2004 ROH releases, with major highlights including Punk finally appearing on Cabana's talk show "Good Times, Great Memories" and the celebration after the two won their first pair of tag team titles. As Punk attempted to cut a serious promo about how far he had come in wrestling and all the hardwork along the way, Cabana interrupted the proceedings by blowing a party popper right by Punk's face. This was followed by a massive unleashing of streamers and party whistles as the face ROH roster shouted and yelled in celebration. Punk retained his scowl as he utter the well remembered punch line, "Yeah, my life is a war."
While Cabana's tag career with Punk was certainly impressive, Cabana was also able to explore a singles career and managed several memorable moments and feuds. First was his run of singles matches against Nigel McGuinness in 2005, which often combined comedy and fast flying chain sequences in the British style. Cabana was once again in charge of being the comic, while Nigel attempted to stay right with him in the straight-man role. The feud came to a head in a "Soccer Riot" match, where Cabana listed an increasingly number of illegal activities as legal. Hitting a man with a chair? Legal. Fighting in the crowd? Legal? Throwing a soccer ball into a man's nuts? Legal, legal, oh yes, legal.
Cabana demonstrated that he could be a serious wrestler in his feud against Homicide. Many fans had their doubts that Cabana could fill this role—that he would be more like Keanu Reeves attempting Shakespeare rather than an Adam Sandler attempting serious acting roles in "Punch Drunk Love" and "Reign Over Me." Whoa dude, where are thou? Rock excellently. While the initial few months of Homicide and Cabana were not all that spectacular, the feud really began to get in gear with some great crowd brawls and well done promos from both Homicide and Cabana. Homicide was terrifying as he promised to hurt Cabana in all sorts of devious ways. Meanwhile Cabana became an emotional wreck and his sole obsession was proving that he could defeat Homicide once, just once. Cabana took a huge loss at the Fourth Anniversary Show, but he showed in that loss that he would not quit, no matter how violent the feud would become and no matter how much he would have to suffer. He finally achieved his goal at Better Than Our Best by defeating Homicide in an out of this world street fight (it made my top 10 list for 2006) in his home town of Chicago.
Cabana's last major role in ROH was as the romantic rival to Jimmy Jacobs. Cabana has "bagged" Jacobs' true love Lacey (who didn't seem to truly love Jacobs or Cabana for that matter). When Lacey attempted to recruit Cabana to join her Lacey's Angels group in an official capacity, Cabanarama decided to let her know that no such thing was going to happen. This led to an amazingly emotional moment as a torn Jacobs had to decide whether or not he would leave with Cabana or stick with Lacey. Cabana played the "angel on the shoulder" perfectly, attempting to convince Jacobs he didn't need the girl, that there were "plenty of other fish in the sea" and that they could go out, "grab a slice", hit the strip clubs and party all night. This was perfect Colt Cabana—the essence of what his character was about—happy go lucky, sure, but passionate and with a solid heart. Jacobs seemed to listen to Cabana's words, but crotched Colt's "Little Cabanas" on his way out and then ruthlessly attacked in order to prove his love for Lacey. This war carried into 2007, where once again Cabana came out on top for his hometown fans.
Colt Cabana has been a huge backbone of entertainment and fun in the world of Ring of Honor. When events have gotten a bit too serious, Colt was right there with a funny skit, or some wacky interplay with a wrestler or the audience. When the opening beat of "Copacabana" played, perhaps the most silly of all wrestling theme songs, you would be hard pressed not to see a smile or a grin on any fan's face, least of all, mine.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I'll miss the presence of Colt Cabana in Ring of Honor in more ways than I can realize.
ROH Call
ROH Champions—As of 04/14/2007 (heading into 4/14/07 Edison, NJ)
ROH World Champion—Takeshi Morishima (champion since 02/17/07, 2 successful defenses)
Next Defense: Nigel McGuinness, 4/14/07 Edison, NJ
V.1 defeated BJ Whitmer via pinfall / backdrop driver (2/23/07 Dayton, OH)
V. 2 defeated KENTA via pinfall / backdrop driver (3/04/07 Tokyo, Japan)
ROH World Tag Team Champions— Jay and Mark Briscoe (champions since 03/30/07, NEW CHAMPIONS)
Next Defense: Ultimate Endurance (vs. Pelle Primeau & Mitch Franklin, Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw, Hallowicked & Gran Akuma), 4/27/07 St. Paul, MN
ROH News
(via the ROHnewswire… and other sources when attributed
Strange Bedfellows This is the ROHwrestling.com Newswire the fans of Hartford and New England have been waiting for as we have three main event ROH vs. NOAH matches to announce for the 5/11 return to Hartford. The first match features all the champions of ROH right now. Nigel McGuinness has asked for a shot at the ROH World Tag Team Titles since he pinned The Briscoes on 2/16. ROH officials have agreed. Since Colt Cabana was McGuinness' partner on 2/16 and he won't be in ROH by 5/11, ROH officials have decided to let McGuinness pick any partner he wants. To everyone's surprise McGuinness has selected ROH World Champion Takeshi Morishima as his partner. This makes this Saturday's McGuinness vs. Morishima World Title Match in Edison, NJ even more interesting. If The Briscoes make it to 5/11 with the straps they will put them on the line against McGuinness & Morishima in Hartford. This match will take place whether The Briscoes are champions or not.
One of the unfortunate byproducts of Cabana leaving ROH is that his recent teaming with Nigel McGuinness had to be cut short. It is unfortunate because they looked great on 2/16/07 in their match against The Briscoes and it was obvious that match was the prelude to a rematch with the titles on the line. ROH adjusted the story and now we have more of the Nigel-Takeshi relationship taking hold. It's the smart thing to continue to build these two since it's the main event rivalry. I'm thinking they'll extend it all the way to the ROH shows in Japan. In the meantime, Hartford is going to get a good match with some nice dynamics, in particular the first time The Briscoes will get to "Man Up" against Morishima.
ROH vs. NOAH Comes to Hartford Two first time ever singles ROH vs. NOAH bouts have also been signed to Hartford. May 11th will witness KENTA vs. Delirious and Naomichi Marufuji vs. Matt Sydal.
This is the problem with having two guys who have been elevated to the extent of KENTA and Marufuji and the problem of having a lack of upper card superstar level names in ROH right now . While I think both matches will be great and have plenty of action and all that good stuff, I honestly don't give either Delirious or Sydal a snowball's chance in hell of winning here. Sydal did lose to KENTA back in November of 2006, so there is a rationale for putting him against KENTA's former tag partner. It also becomes a pseudo NOAH vs. Dragon Gate match as Sydal had just recently done a stint with that company and held their Open the Brave Gate (lightweight) title. Delirious has done a great job of well, being Delirious. I'll watch him up against anyone. However, it doesn't mean I think either will win the match and therefore these matches lose a bit of their flavor.
Guess Who's Back? Jack Evans has officially been added to 5/11 in Hartford and 5/12 in Manhattan.
Jack Evans is the man. End of story. He rocked NYC back in February and in my humble opinion is on the rise big time in ROH.
SHIMMER and Glow Congratulations to SHIMMER for having a turn away crowd last Saturday for their latest DVD taping. SHIMMER is preparing to crown its first champion in June. To follow up the momentum of last Saturday the biggest women's tag team match in ROH history has been signed for 4/27 in St. Paul. SHIMMER action will see The Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew of Lacey & Rain return home to St. Paul to face the undefeated duo of Sara Del Rey & Allison Danger.
Minnesota gets some hometown female wrestlers to support, although they are the heels in the company. These four are marquee names for SHIMMER and being so close to home I expect a lot of effort to make this a memorable match.
Endurance Test The stipulations for Ultimate Endurance featuring ROH World Tag Team Champions Jay & Mark Briscoe vs. Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw vs. Hallowicked & Gran Akuma vs. Mitch Franklin & Pelle Primeau have been determined. Each fall has a different stipulation in this four way elimination match. The first fall with all four teams can only be won by tap out. The second fall with the remaining three teams will be a Tag Team Scramble, meaning that no tags are needed. The final fall with the last two teams will be for the ROH World Tag Team Titles. The duos of Quackenbush & Jigsaw as well as Gran Akuma & Hallowicked are both highly touted with strong reputations. Could they earn a ROH job in one night and win the world tag team titles? More surprising things have happened lately in ROH. This will be an opportunity of a lifetime for all three challenging teams. This match promises to bring a lot of action to St. Paul.
I fail to understand how Franklin and Primeau earned the right to fight for the tag team titles. I fully expect them to be tapped out and broken in half by someone in this match during the first fall, perhaps Akuma or Quackenbush (since The Briscoes are hardly known for their submission moves). I am so enthusiastic and excited to see Quackenbush get his chance to shine in the spotlight, and being their with his CHIKARA students makes it that much sweeter.
The War to Settle The Score A feud that has been burning on the undercard and preshows in ROH will now be settled in Edison on Saturday. Shane Hagadorn will put the Top Of The Class Trophy on the line against Pelle Primeau. If you've been following the ROH Video Wires you know there have been several altercations between these two. Who is the best graduate of the ROH Wrestling School?
I neglected to comment on this match in my comments for the ROH roundtable preview. This is a "final" fight that has actually been slowly developing over the last few months, with Pelle challenging Hagadorn repeatedly but never getting the match that he wants. Hagadorn and Adam Pearce meanwhile, have appeared conveniently as several times when Primeau has lost a match in order to gloat over the prone body of the Gnome, Alaska native. I don't know if the crowd will care all that much about this one knowing the communal cynicism about the ROH student roster, but if you look at the booking, things have been done just right to make this a nice feel good face win at the end of this match.
Daniels FIPping His Top Christopher Daniels asked to wrestle Erick Stevens on 4/28 in Chicago. Daniels wanted a competitor from FIP. Daniels has stated that he will defeat Roderick Strong for the FIP Heavyweight Title on 4/27 in St. Paul and then defend it against Stevens on the very next night in Chicago. Daniels says he will be the one that will raise the prestige of the FIP Heavyweight Title.
Yes, that header was a bald joke. I don't know what the hell is up with the booking of Daniels lately. He was a face in this situation with Matt Sydal becoming more arrogant as his tag partner. Now he is more aligned with his TNA personality and is a heel. I hope there is some sort of promo on an ROH release explaining all of this. As for Daniels vs. Strong and Daniels vs. Stevens, both are good for being fresh match ups and I'd like to see them go well. A pursuit of the FIP title could also serve to keep Daniels in play and relevant on the ROH roster.
Colt Cabana: Grand Re-Opening
So what's next for Cabana?
There's lots of speculation as to the future of Colt Cabana in WWE. What we know for sure is that he will soon be heading down to Ohio Valley Wrestling for some developmental work. I am loathe to begrudge WWE this process of sending established Indy talent to their developmental leagues when its very clear that some guys are more than ready to do their thing on the big leagues. However, CM Punk had to do it, Ace Steel is doing it right now in their Deep South league and so Colt Cabana must also do the same.
Since Colt is going to spend some time in OVW, don't expect a call up for him anytime before Fall 2007 at the earliest. It took Punk only a year to make it out of OVW and I say only a year like it isn't a lot of time—but it certainly is in the wrestling business. However, there are others who took much longer to be shipped up to WWE and still others who never make it at all. Nothing is guaranteed in WWE and Cabana's work to get to Raw, Smackdown or ECW is actually just beginning rather than at an end.
Here's a look at some potential possibilities for Colt Cabana's career, followed by my own, non provable percentage points:
Never Makes It Out of OVW: It took Nick Dinsmore six years to make it out of OVW. It took long periods of time for other wrestlers such as Rob Conway, Shelton Benjamin, The Heartbreakers and The Highlanders to make it out of OVW. Some guys, such as Chet the Jet, haven't even made it yet. Seth Skyfire, thought highly of as a cruiserweight prospect, was eventually released from his developmental contract. Could the same happen to Cabana? Its possible Cabana could never see the light of day of WWE televised programming, but I'd think Cabana's charisma and technical abilities will catch on with the staff and agents. Cabana should make it to the big leagues, but it will take a bit of time to do so, as to be expected. Probability: 5%
Called Up as a Different Character: It took Nick Dinsmore six years to make it out of OVW, and even then it was with a completely different character than the one he had been before. Cabana, if and when he makes it to Raw, Smackdown or ECW, may not be the Colt Cabana ROH and independent fans all know and love. WWE loves to change wrestlers to fit the personalities they envision being a part of their WWE world. Now, I doubt that Cabana will mind being another personality or assuming a different character name, because he will still be where he wants to be and go where he needs to go. In previous interviews, Cabana has even discussed that he would love to have a legacy as a WWE "character" along the lines of a Honky Tonk Man or a Doink, where he could be recognized as that character long after his WWE career. With such a popular character, Cabana would be able to make lots of independent dates and thus lots of money. Not to shabby a deal, even if he may end up as the next "T.L. Hopper" or "Sparky Plugg". Get ready Colt, to meet your new personality: Wayne Nu-Ton, Las Vegas lounge singer.Probability: 70%
Called up as "Matt Classic": The alter ego of Cabana as an old timer wrestler who was put on ice in the 50's and thawed out to wrestle in today's society is a major cult favorite. The character is fun and Cabana infuses such a unique personality and on point move set for the character. It would be great to see WWE do a "retro" wrestler character—no, not ones who are Greasers and come out in black caddy's. I mean an old school wrestler in the vein of a Bruno Sammartino or Bob Backlund. You know, a serious wrestler with a serious philosophy…dressed up in a wacky lucha mask. Unfortunately, I believe MTV or Big Vision owns the rights to the Matt Classic character, and as such it will never see the light of day in WWE. Probability: ZERO
Goes to ECW as "Colt Cabana" and Forms Second City Saints, WWE Style: yeah, I'm pretty sure this is the possibility most ROH fans are rooting for, although in actuality, if this goes down, the stars may have to be aligned just right. Cabana and Punk just have that "it" factor when they are together. The odd couple comparison I used above is just the right way of explaining how well these two get along as a team. Imagine Foley and Rock as the Rock and Sock Connection and you'll be on the right track as to how good Punk and Cabana work as a comedy duo. If it's just Punk and Cabana as the Saints, then the pairing's legacy could have some classic comedy moments. Now, CM Punk is a heel right now (well, this week anyway, we'll see if it lasts) and that could complicate things, but only through the perspective of the WWE. Ring of Honor fans know how well Punk and Cabana interact even as heels—look back at 2003 and the rivalry with Raven and you'll see evil villainy with a touch of goofball comedy. AND IT WORKS. Throw in Ace Steel for the full on Second City Saints reunion and you have the potential for a great faction in WWE. Or maybe they'll just end up like The Radicalz. It wouldn't be a bad thing though for WWE to try it our and see how it works. Probability: 15%
Goes to ECW as a rival of CM Punk: if you bring up Cabana within the next few months, he could become the great adversary of Punk's (hopeful) reign of terror. Since Punk is a heel, Cabana could be the righteous face out to stop Punk. You could even acknowledge and play off their past history together (without mentioning the initials "R"," O" or "H"). Even if Punk is a face by the time Cabana jumps on to the roster, Cabana might find some range as a face competitor trying to out-do Punk's accomplishments, or even as a full on heel. These two may bring great drama out of each other. Probability: 5%
Goes to Smackdown: While the likely roster placement will be to ECW (where many of the recent indy pick ups have been placed such as Matt Striker, Elijah Burke and Monty Brown), there is a great amount of potential in a placement on Smackdown. Cabana could do good work as himself or another character within the brand, from interactions with MVP and Booker T to great technical wrestling matches against William Regal and Chris Benoit. Probability: 7%
Goes to Raw: Cabana will really have to impress in order to land a spot on the "A" brand. Either he does exceedingly well in developmental or they have the "right" character opportunity for him on Raw (meaning he probably wouldn't be "Colt Cabana"). Still, there are some intriguing possibilities of matches and angles to do on the Raw roster. Encounters with Umaga, Jeff Hardy or even a feud against Carlito could be great opportunities to develop Cabana's character and show his stuff on the national stage. Probability: 3%
Honorarium
-Comments on the message board and the live reports from Stuart and Michael have said different things about the Long Island crowd. Some reports said this was a very hot crowd at times and a lot better than normal. Others say the crowd was dead except for a few matches here and there, although Erick Stevens and his "Choo Choo" avalanche spot were very over. Not being there live this time around, I can't make an accurate call as to who is right or wrong. Known for being dead as far as crowd response and definitely some attitude problems, LI's reputation precedes itself and in my opinion it's a fair one. However, if Long Island did come through this time around, that can only be a good thing for that venue and for Ring of Honor. If the crowd is picking up its response, then maybe Long Island will have a chance to clean up its status. It's a wait and see call for now, but I'm happy that a lot of reports are giving positive word about the crowd. LI has earned itself a short reprieve from biting comments in my column.
-You know, something that we may not be thinking about when it comes to the Long Island reaction is the build of the room they run. It seems to me that while the crowd may be some of the reason the shows don't come off as well as they should, it could also be the acoustics and the set up of the seats. The room that ROH runs in Long Island at the Sports Plus, I dunno, it seems to just absorb and deaden any noise that is made. All chants and claps seem dull and flat and I think that hurts the way the crowd reacts and that the chants don't catch on. There may be something to that, but I'm not a audio expert so I couldn't confirm this but it is an interesting possibility as to why Long Island just doesn't sound as good as it should live and on DVD.
-It's about time to change the call of Jimmy Rave's finishing moves. I am personally getting tired of Dave Prazak struggling with the call of "…formerly known as Ghanarea!" I know Rave is out right now because of his jaw injury, but when he comes back, let's develop some trademark names that fit his character outside of The Embassy. Yes, it's a minor complaint, but a valid one nonetheless. Rave should have moves and catchphrase more in tune with his new sour personality. Instead of Ghanarea, how about the Rave Wave (ROH message boarders would be happy with that one)? Instead of "Greeting from Ghana" (which Rave rarely attempts any more as it is), how about calling it "The Rave Effect". Well, maybe those aren't the best options in the world, although it certainly ain't no "Air Devils".
-I was initially excited with Becky, ahem, excuse me, "Rebecca" Bayless coming on as ROH's new interviewer. However, since her start at the 1/26 Dedicated show, she has been merely "okay." She asks the questions and gets over the storylines fine, but I don't know, maybe she's a bit too "bubbly" and cute in her actions and tone of voice. It's almost a bit off putting when Becky innocently asks what Homicide is thinking about when he is going to defend his title and then The Notorious 187 and J-Train start trash talking and doing their thing. I think the jury is still out on Becky, but one thing is for sure, she is much easier on the eyes than Sugar Shawn Price.
-As far interviews go, Homicide is just plain out wacky, but then again, he's never been one of those "dramatic monologue" types of promos. He just says what he's going to do in his own way and then he goes out and does it. Still, if you've seen the 2007 promo segments, don't tell me you haven't cringed or cracked up at least once during these promos. Is it that they fit into that "so bad that they're good" category or is it just bad?
-At the end of the 2/16/07 Fifth Year Festival: NYC DVD, Jack Evans gets taken out by a mysterious wrestler. We are left with Bayless checking out a prone Evans and asking a man we do not see if he is the one responsible for attacking Evans. The show ends on a cliffhanger and continues on the 2/17/07 FYF: Philly DVD. I won't spoil who it is that did the deed, but the whole thing comes off as a bit contrived and hokey. Also, it repeats a bit of the "Who attacked Jay Lethal?" storyline and the backstage segments for that weren't so hot either. I have also yet to see this mentioned or played up on newswires and other shows.
-If you take a look at the Battle of the Icons show and watch the six man tag match between Aries, Evans and Strong vs. Delirious, SHINGO and Davey Richards, you get to see quite the foreshadowing of the future ROH shows. The factional warfare has enveloped all six men. It's also the last time that Generation Next stands together as a unit. It went all downhill for GN after that.
Inman Sports Club
April 14th, 2007- 7:30pm belltime
990 Inman Avenue
Edison, NJ 08820
ROH World Title Match
Takeshi Morishima defends vs. Nigel McGuinness
It's Takeshi's brute strength vs. Nigel's powerful arms. The ROH newswire has been building up McGuinness's moveset of lariats, especially the so called "Jawbreaker" Lariat (the rebound lariat that broke Rave's jaw). Morishima has been dominant in all of his title defenses thus far, but Nigel could prove to be the greatest and most fierce challenge yet. Still, if this match goes longer than fifteen minutes and ends with anything else but a Morishima win, it will be an enormous upset. Like I said in my preview for the ROH Roundtable, were Morishima not announced for shows in May, I would have expected a title change here. Now, no longer.
Cabana's East Coast Farewell
Colt Cabana vs. Doug Williams
I do hope that this isn't a one hundred percent serious match—that Cabana does invoke some of his renowned comedy ala his matches with Nigel McGuinness. American fans seem to really dig Doug Williams but it's his first time back in quite a while and his first time back on the east coast since late 2004. Will the crowd remember him and give him support?
Grudge Tag Team Match
Jack Evans & Delirious vs. Roderick Strong & Davey Richards
Delirious has been a kind of "1A" protagonist alongside Aries against the NRC in several tag matches over the last few months. Now with Jack Evans, Delirious should be in the same role. I do hope he gets some extra spotlight on him and his grudge against Roderick Strong. Meanwhile, Jack Evans was attacked by __________ (or so it seemed) after the 2/16 NYC show. I'm sure Evans wants a bit of payback for that one.
Special Attraction Match
Shingo vs. Matt Cross
These two fought in a Four Corner Survival match, the one where Cross won and Aries invited him to join The Resilience. SHINGO has an alliance with Jack Evans, which makes this a tangential faction warfare match. Cross will fly and SHINGO will get his powerhouse moves and it should be a good time.
Tag Team Challenge Match
Kevin Steen & El Generico vs. Erick Stevens & ROH World Tag Team Champion Jay Briscoe with Mark Briscoe
Given the attack on Mark Briscoe, Jay now has added incentive to MAN UP and to take out Generico and Steen. The PWG faithful will want to look closely at this match to see how their men stack up against Briscoe, as it may lead to a tag title shot in the future.
Special Challenge Match
Rocky Romero vs. Claudio Castagnoli
Claudio took a disappointing loss last time in New Jersey, but he certainly has some sympathy built up with the fans if they want to capitalize on that. I'm thinking ROH would want to continue to book Romero and the NRC as strong as possible and so he will get the extra shine here.
Top of the Class Trophy
Shane Hagadorn vs. Pelle Primeau
This match will be the test to see how far these two have come over the years. They have received the benefit of storyline development and in ring action of main ROH cards. Now if they can go out there and do a good five to seven minute grudge match, they'll be ready for the next level of ROH competition. It will be a tough call, but I'm hoping the two will impress the ROH crowd enough that they get some respect.
Bonus Match
Chris Hero & Tank Toland vs. Jason Blade & Eddie Edwards
Even after all that has come to pass between "Chris Hero" and me, I want to see Hero come out victorious. For once in my life, I'm hoping he just demolishes someone, and kills them and kills them and kills them. Go get them Hero!
Going Home
Ringtones
…And in life, sometimes the messages you receive are quite shocking. Therefore, this letter, forwarded by "Chris Hero" to me, from fellow 411 writer and until today, someone who I thought was my friend, Stuart Carapola:
Good day Mr. Hero,
First, I would like to say that I noticed your farcical corruption of my
name in last week's column, but I'm willing to overlook that. I also
consider Ari Berenstein a great writer and my ROH buddy, but if he has to
"disappear" in order to instead have your greatness, intellect, and wit
powering Column Of Honor...no, Column Of HERO, then Ari is an unfortunate,
yet unavoidable loss. While 411 has had the honor in the past to host such
great writers as Scott Keith, Chris Hyatte, and Mark Sakamano, all of them
pale in comparison to you, Mr. Hero.
I'll admit, I didn't appreciate your greatness when you first invaded those
fools in Ring Of Honor. I didn't get your ring style. I thought the
cravate was a boring, pointless, and contrived move. You proved me wrong.
Not only do you use it quite effectively, but in fact it is a great
psychological ploy to anger the fans and your opponents, causing them to
lose control and make mistakes upon which you can capitalize. I am in awe
of how intelligent this is, and plan to employ similar tactics in my future
columns against my own nemeses.
Which brings me to the point of this message: Mr. Hero, I propose an
alliance. Because you see, while you have difficulties with mindless
buffoons such as Nigel McGuinness and Claudio Castagnoli (it must be
something about the foreigners), I have problems of my own, specifically
with that flip-flopping, overpushed spot monkey AJ Styles and that lisping,
spot-botching wannabe ECW Champion Bobby Lashley. Much like Nigel and
Claudio have been for you, AJ and Lashley have been thorns in my side for
way too long, and I think that an alliance based on mutual respect,
unmatched mind power, and total disdain for these idiots can produce results
for which today's wrestling landscape is not prepared. Together, we can
RULE the wrestling world with our sharp wits and sharper outfits. That's
right, Claudio wishes he had threads like us.
So what say you, Mr. Hero? Will you do me the honor of joining me in these
battles which we would win individually, but dominate together? Will you
stand by my side as we make a mockery of this already laughable
insurrection?
Humbly awaiting your answer,
Stuart A. Carapola I, Esq.
Stu, Stu, Stu…you break my heart. You think you know who you can count on when the chips are down…but you? You of all people, you turn your back on me and try to cozy up with Chris Hero?
I mean Rob Halden I can understand. He's new to 411 and an impressionable young man. He saw Hero and was corrupted by his presence. But Stuart, you should know better.
If you wanted to take out AJ Styles and Lashley, why didn't you come to me? I would have gladly helped out. Well, actually, I like AJ Styles and Lashley has shown signs of improvement…so maybe not. But I would have given it a great deal of thought before politely turning you down. No, instead you gave in to your baser impulses, gave in to the lesser angels of your nature.
To make matters worse, you compliment the CRAVATE! The worst and most useless wrestling maneuver in the world next to the People's Elbow! What are you thinking man?
I'm glad we did our Fact or Fiction article before I saw this…because if I had read this then I would have I surely said no to Ashish when he offered me the spot.
I can't tell you how disappointed I am in you. I think I may have to rethink our working relationship here at 411. Shame, shame, Stu, shame, shame.
**The Independent Buy In**
Support independent pro wrestling, ROH or non ROH, I don't care. But if you out there are spending so much time complaining about how WWE sucks, then dammit, spend some money so you won't have to spend so much time complaining. This list stays in the column and will be added to as the year goes on. Remember: don't bow out, BUY IN!
2007
**PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2006: Night One (Strong / Romero, CIMA / Cross, Deliirous / Generico, 8 Man Tag)
**SHIMMER Women's Athletes Volume 6 (MsChif / Melissa Last Woman Standing, Rebecca Knox / Allison Danger Pure Rules)
**PWG Hollywood Globetrotters (Super Dragon and Davey Richards vs. Roderick Strong and Jack Evans; Cape Fear (El Generico and Quicksilver) vs. Arrogance (Chris Bosh and Scott Lost); B-Boy vs. Frankie Kazarian; Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin.)
**PWG Beyond The Thunderdome (Super Dragon and Davey Richards vs. AJ Styles and Chris Daniels); Cape Fear vs. Arrogance; Joey Ryan vs. Chris Sabin)
**PWG Enchantment Under The Sea (Cape Fear vs. Briscoes; Matt Sydal vs. B-Boy; Super Dragon and Davey Richards vs. Arrogance; Austin Aries vs. Kevin Steen)
**wXw World Lightweight Tournament 2006 (Ares / Baron von Hagen, Pac / El Generico, Quackenbush / Roudin, 5 Way Tournament Match)
**ECWA Super 8 Tournament 2001 (Danielson / Low Ki, Danielson / Reckless Youth, Low Ki / Billy Fives, Danielson / Spanky)
**ROH FWA IPW:UK Frontiers of Honor 2 (Sydal / Richards, Cabana / Burridge, JC Thunder / Nigel McGuinness, Danielson / Brookside / Stone)
**PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2006: Night Two (Necro Butcher/Super Dragon, Hero/Horiguchi, Evans/Castagnolli)
**PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2006: Night Three (Generico / CIMA, Hero, Claudio, Necro, Romero / Cabana, Quicksilver, M-Dogg 20, Delirious, Generico / Sabin, Richards / Strong, Evans/ Horiguchi, Richards / CIMA)
**Chikara The Crushing Weight of Mainstream Ignorance (Quackenbush / Akuma, Steel / Steel, Sweeney / Kingston, Hair vs. Mask: Jigsaw / Icarus)
**Chikara King of Trios Night One (Order of the Neo Solar Temple / Los Ice Creams, Miyawaki, Yago & KUDO / Iron Saints, Sweeny, Eliis and Ryder vs. Neo Solar Temple POSEDOWN, Shima Xion / Nobutaka Moribe)
ROH @ 411 This Week
Nick Marsico gets first call off the roll with his News to Start Your Weekend and does a bang up job of previewing the two night stand for Ring of Honor this weekend. Sure he also sucks up a bit to Chris Hero, but I'll forgive him because he is that awesome.
The Independent Mid Card spends a second week on the Punk & Cabana vs. Raven rivalry and it's very appropriate given the news surrounding Cabana's departure.
Samuel Berman also is in charge of the 411 ROH Roundtable for the 4/13 and 4/14 shows.
Only out of respect for the quality of work that Stuart Carapola does on his columns will I plug his work this week. This week's Friendly Competition is hysterical. That Was Then brings the drama of Hell in the Cell II.
Bayani Domingo writes maybe one of his best columns ever this week with his Truth B Told feature on how fans look at professional wrestling. This is a MUST READ, so do yourself a favor and check it out.
Self high five links for this week: It's me vs. Stu in Fact or Fiction this week. I also contribute towards the TNA Lockdown Roundtable and boy do I have some biting sarcasm this week. TNA just seems to bring it out of me the same way WWE used to do it in 2005 and 2006.
Speaking of Lockdown and the Six Sides of Steel, that is the very subject of the new High Road / Low Road.
Joe Estee has the Keys to the Game. What Game, I don't know, but he has the keys to it, so if you want the game opened, ask Joe.
Jordan Linkous brings to you the much requested WWE vs. TNA dream match of Chris Jericho vs. Alex Shelley.
And finally, you can get your Japanese Puro wrestling fix with some great new columns. Matt Short and The Navigation Log covers NOAH while Matt Adamson and Destiny handles New Japan.
I have to admit, it feels great to be my own man again and have things here at Column of Honor under control. I know the last two weeks of columns have been wacky and different, but hopefully someone enjoyed them…because I sure didn't! Anyway next week I'm sure we'll have more Hero wackiness, but I'll be back covering the 4/14 show in New Jersey with some live thoughts, the ROH Stockmarket report and a whole lot more. Talk to everyone later.
