Truth B Told 3.29.07: Smark of Excellence
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 04.19.2007
Time to revisit the most incendiary term in wrestling since “Dropping an X-Pac”.
Smark: (contraction of "smart mark") A phrase coined by internet smart marks to describe a fan who enjoys pro wrestling despite or because they know that it is staged. - wikipedia
We had to go back to the well one more time and I think this is as good of a time as any this week as millions of people experienced one of the greatest "Smark" moments of 2007 on Monday night. The entire arena in Milan, Italy almost to the point of drowning out every young child and woman was booing John Cena. Not just booing John Cena, but booing him loudly and deliberately to the point that Cena had really nothing to say. JR and Lawler actually pointed out a fact that we've all known for months that Cena is popular with the kids and young ladies, but a lot of the young men and men in general do not like Cena. I'm not sure whether or not it was a good idea to point that fact out in plain view, but at this point Cena is like the Sanjaya Malakar of the WWE, hate him or love him he is often one of the only reasons to watch the television show. Some people tune in to cheer him, others tune in to boo him and criticize him, but the man is apparently making news and keeping the WWE humming along and they'd be stupid to let him get ‘voted off' now. But what is more puzzling is the fact that although we know Canada is "Bizarro World" and England often follows in the pro-English/anti-American sentiments, since when did the rest of the world start "smarking up"?
I think there are certain preconceived notions when it comes to wrestling markets around the globe. Places like New York, Toronto, Philadelphia, and Chicago seem to get a "smark" reputation. In Mexico the crowds are still very much "marks" in that they root for the "Technicos" and they boo the "Rudos" going as far as throwing things at them during matches. This makes for great drama and matches as it's fairly easy to not only book matches in this kind of atmosphere, but also can create amazing heat when played just right. Just ask anyone who witnessed El Hijo de Santo turn in 1996. In Japan the crowd is a little harder to categorize.
The general belief is that Japanese crowds are quieter and less passionate about wrestling, but this is a big misconception. The Japanese are just as passionate about wrestling as their American counterparts, possibly more so. The Japanese still consider wrestling to be a real "sport", wrestling results are sometimes even printed in legitimate newspapers. The crowd is "respectful" in the sense that until the match progresses to a hot finish the crowd usually expresses their support in light applause, and little cheering or shorts if any. Some "smarks" are split as to whether or not it is better to simply "shut up and watch the match" or whether chanting adds "heat" to the match which the wrestlers can feed off of. Either way the Japanese are more towards the "mark" side of the equation than to the "smart" side. Although you can hear the occasional high pitched squeal of a Japanese girl calling out the name of her favorite wrestler be it "heel" or "face", usually the younger "pretty boy", meaning Cena would be well at home in the land of the rising sun.
I wasn't sure how other markets are in terms of "Mark vs Smark" as I've heard various opinions on other European and Asian countries. I know for certain that the Philippines are still a very markish crowd, and I'll be damned if Batista couldn't become the president over there if he ran. Rules be damned, it could be President Batista, powerbombing infidels who dare oppose him. I would usually assume the same to be everywhere internationally that is until Monday night. It is pretty clear that "smarkishness" isn't unique to just the English speaking countries as Italy made it very clear that they are tired of John Cena. Then again, if I had waited a year to see the WWE again and paid a good sack full of Euros to watch him hit about 4 wrestling moves, a diva fashion show, Super Crazy vs Masters, and a Eugene squash match, I'd be pretty pissed off too. I think what this gets down to is whether or not this was a "smark" crowd or whether they were just "smart" to John Cena.
I know the term "Smart Mark" and "Smark" have taken two very different turns in the past couple of years, due mainly to the rise of the IWC. The definition at the beginning of the column was taken from wikipedia.com, which is pretty much as close to gospel as a lazy internet writer can get to. Okay, so they're not always infallible, but hey, I'm lazy, I got shit to do and a real job, wiki is good enough for me. I did a quick google search and found a couple more, shall we say, less complimentary definitions of "smark":
-A new term that is used mostly by those in the business to describe smarts. It is the belief of many that even though a fan may be "smart" to the inner working of the business, he still watches the TV shows and buys the tickets, therefore he's still a mark.*
-A fan who believes he is smart due to a certain amount of inside knowledge he has gained, but is perceived by someone else to be less informed than that person thinks he is.*
-smark n. a person who enjoys professional wrestling despite its artificiality; (hence) a know-it-all or hyper-critical fan of the sport*
- Smarks are the ones who go to shows and chant "BORING!" and heckle the wrestlers. They claim to love wrestling the most but seemingly bitch 100% and never really praise anything, as if they were wrestling fans when it was good and they only still watch out of habit now. – Mike Steele, prowrestling.com
Ouch. I think the term "Smark" has really taken on a life of its own. "Smark" used to be an amalgamation of "Smart" and "Mark", meaning that you were "Smart" to the fact that wrestling was fake and you may have some knowledge of the business which broke kayfabe (hence reading the FINE articles right here…on 411mania *thumbs up*), but you also were a "Mark" in the sense that you still watched the shows, bought the merchandise, and attended shows because you enjoyed wrestling and thought that at least some part of it was real if not all of it. The 1st definition is probably the most accurate. But over time the term "Smark" came about in the IWC and it morphed into what the 2nd and 3rd definitions seem to be alluding to. Now a day the last definition seems to be the most thrown around the internet and at Indy shows. Basically the term "Smark" became less of a category of "smart fans" and more of an insult.
I think when we look at things from a different stand point you'll see that often times the most appropriate terms fall somewhere in the middle. Take the Milanese crowd for instance, they weren't booing EVERYTHING on RAW, simply Vince (who is ALWAYS booed) and John Cena (who is always booed, however to different degrees). Even the retarded Diva "Fashion Show" didn't get boos as much as complete silent indifference. The crowd "marked out" when the Italian local "fan" beat Umaga for the title. I'm sure there was a mix of people who believed Santino Marella was a WWE ‘Plant' and debuting wrestler under contract or whether this was a real local wrestler who would be giving the title back at the next show. To his credit, the former Boris Alexiev did a great job of acting. Still, the Italian crowd played the "mark" and the "smark" at different times. They even gave dueling Masters and Super Crazy chants at different times, as well as popping loudly for HBK. During ECW they were mostly cheering the ECW Originals and were playing along with the segments as expected most of the night. It was a mixed crowd that didn't seem too "smarkish" except in their almost unanimous disdain for John Cena. Were they a "smart" crowd? Probably not, I'm not sure how great the I-IWC is in Italy but since wrestling isn't as prevalent as it is here chances are there weren't a lot of "insiders" at that show. But, they weren't fully "marks" either as they didn't buy Cena as the Superman that was the chosen hero of the WWE Kingdom. I'd place them in the mostly markish category but without the same "smarky" attitude that seems synonymous with cynicism these days.
Likewise when you look at a Japanese audience I think there are a lot of things to compare and contrast. They are mainly respectful as they treat wrestling as an almost legitimate "sport". In that way they could be considered ‘marks', however they don't boo and shout down wrestlers either, choosing to cheer which ever wrestlers they enjoy. That doesn't make them "smarks", but because the Japanese focus more on the "sport" as a rule and less as "characters" the fans are given a choice as to who to root for. Much like in boxing or any other team sport. For the Japanese, attending shows is more to root for you favorite player or team, not to jeer at their opponents. As "smart" as the crowd seems for choosing their own favorites despite the booking, they are truly "markish" in that they treat wrestling more legitimately. I think sometimes that is the best way to enjoy a match. In fact many Indy feds have gone from booking their shows like the old NWA/AWA days to more neutral booking focusing around more competition based and blurred heel/face lines. While I don't know that any fed would ever try to do a full on "wrestling as a legitimate sport" booking route it would be interesting to see. It would surely challenge the notion that wrestling fans NEED angles and storylines to enjoy a match rather than just two great wrestlers competing for titles and bragging rights. Hell, I don't seem to remember UFC and Boxing needing to create overly fantasized storylines to make a buck.
So what does that mean for you and me, the wrestling fan? The Smart-Mark if you will, what does that really say about us? If you listened to some people's definition then that would mean that we're all a bunch of cynical assholes who sit around and bitch and complain about how much wrestling sucks now and how much better it was back when the original 4 Horsemen and Randy Savage was around, or when the "Mondy Night Wars", talk trash about TNA and Russo being the reason they're so "bush league", or creaming ourselves over Indy wrestlers no one has ever heard about or will ever again as well as any Japanese guy who makes it across the pond. We're the reason why "marks" can't enjoy wrestling shows right? We tell people that chanting "Match of the Year", "Holy shit", and "This is Awesome" is gay and markish. We're at fault for creating a whole Anti-Smark movement which are in turn passing themselves off as "marks" just to distance themselves from "smarks" as much as possible, even if they don't believe in the wrestlers and products they're pushing in the first place. "OH, people hate John Cena, then I LOVE him, people love flippity flop wrestlers on TNA, then they have no personality and Russo is the devil, give me more Lashley on every show 3 times a week". Smarks are ruining wrestling!! Or not.
I think the first thing we got to do is decide how we really want to define the term "smark". Are we still "Smart Marks"? I think so. Its hard to believe that if you read the "dirt sheets" at least a few times a week, most importantly on Thursdays, that you can't consider yourself "smart" and if you tune in every week to watch at least one show, buy the DVD's and merchandise, or take in the occasional Indy show, then you're clearly a "mark" because must enjoy the product, no matter what company it comes from. We all know that plenty of pro wrestling is fake, but there is a lot that isn't: injuries, worked shoots, athleticism, and mainly the emotional involvement and attachment to these guys who put their bodies on the line for us each week. What we really have to worry about is the negative connotation that comes with being a "Smark".
I'll admit it, I've heard people throw the work "smarks" around like it's a 4 letter word. Funny thing is it's always in a different context. Basically it used to be that being a "mark" was a bad thing because it came with the label of being an easy target, deluded, and gullible. But now being a "smark" is an insult because it has to do with trying to be overly cynical and sarcastic and riding the wrestlers for whatever reason you deem fit or even worse for no reason at all. There is a difference between Italians booing Cena because they don't like him and other ‘fans' who boo him because it's cool to like the heels and hate the faces. Liking a "heel" just because he's a heel or someone who no one else likes to be different doesn't make you ‘cool' or ultra ‘trendy' it just means you've lost the ability to make decisions on your own and you're basically letting other people make decisions for you by letting others decide what is popular and you doing the opposite. It's a weird dichotomy that once something isn't popular, it becomes cool to like it, but when others jump on that same thing then it's no longer cool and in order to then be cool you have to hate it now. Brilliant reasoning really.
I will be the first person to admit that I complain a lot about wrestling. I watch a lot of wrestling no doubt, but I also complain about it all the time. It's not a matter of me wanting things to be exactly as they were back in the "Attitude Era" as I now have so much more to choose from then I ever did back in 1999. I now know what Puro and Indy wrestling is about and the moves and characters that have developed and evolved are just as interesting as the WWF ever gave me. Too bad they're not always on my TV screen for free every week. I complain about the "e" too a lot, but I watch it, and it's my God given right to complain about something I help support. That doesn't mean I boo everything, there are a good number of things I enjoy about the WWE, but I'm not going to pretend that everything is gold and that because it's the "e" it gets a free pass or some slack that other promotions like TNA, RoH, or PWG don't get because they don't have the same history and lineage. You can hate parts of a product without hating a product itself. It's like dating a girl who steals the blankets at night or can't cook a lick. You don't have to hate the chick, just deal with the things that annoy you, wish they'd go away, then order in a lot of Chinese food. Complaining about something, however without identifying things you enjoy IS however annoying and the reason why most "smarks" get such a bad name.
I think with the IWC in full force and so many resources at our disposal it is hard to avoid being at least a little "smart" to the business. Not in the old fashioned terms that you really had first hand knowledge of the happenings, but rather you understood the terms, or the reasons for why things happened. You understand that guys get hurt and sometimes there are angles shown to us which cover up for the fact that they tore a hamstring trying to dismount 3 ring rats in a Sponge Bob Squarepants Jumper. I just think that there are few people out there who are as "smart" as they think they are. Besides, you get your dirt the same way that I do, 2nd hand and 3rd person. Sure it's great to feel like you have this great source of knowledge no one else does and the best plan for making the "e" or TNA or CZW the best show ever, but I doubt anyone other than your friends want to hear about it while you're waiting to buy your tickets, especially if it sounds anything like you're being a smug, know-it-all a-hole. Oh and just kidding about CZW, unless the words "Agent Orange" have anything to do with your booking plans.
I'm going to tell you something right now that is going to blow your mind. Four little words that will change the way you live your life and watch wrestling forever. You ready? We…Are…All…Smarks. It's true. You're reading a column on an internet wrestling site. Are you telling me you accidentally clicked the link trying to ready the ECW recap? You're exposed to kayfabe breaking, spoiler ready, insider privy, smarky commentary as we speak. Oh my GOD!! Someone get the rubbing alcohol and the Robatussin. Okay, calm down….caaaaaalm…dooooown. Alright, now that we have that out of our system let's just deal with it. In the same way you found out the Tooth Fairy wasn't real, you found out wrestling isn't 100% real either, but if you still watch and still enjoy it, and you must enjoy at least part of it if you're watching, then you're a "smark". There is nothing wrong with that…except, wait a second. If EVERYONE is a smark, then what do you call people that aren't "smarks"? Well, if they're still under the impression wrestling is 100% real then they are called either children or "special", if they are somehow connected to the business with insider information, they're "Insiders". Everyone else is a wrestling fan. I myself am a "Wrestling Geek", I have no problem with that term. It seems stupid to call someone a ‘smark' when you're one too. If you aren't then what are you?
I think for some people it was easier to like wrestling when you were a true "mark" or at least weren't as informed as you are now. It's kind of like how you loved Christmas as a kid because it was such an anticipated event where Santa brings you gifts and you didn't have to worry about getting anyone any presents that you couldn't make at school during arts and crafts time and you didn't have credit card bills to pay. Now, as an adult X-mas just seems so much less enjoyable and a pain in the ass. But still, it doesn't mean you still don't enjoy it. It's just that you enjoy it differently. You just have to find a new way to love Christmas again and get into the spirit of it and not worry so much about all the things that growing up "ruined" for you. Sometimes its nice just to hang out with other people are just as disenfranchised with the Holidays/wrestling as you are, have some spiked egg nog, some X-mas pizza and chill out to the 7th straight showing of "A Christmas Story". Just because the Holidays aren't the same, don't mean you're going to stop celebrating them right? *btw, you can also fill in Chanukah or Ramadan if you want…heathens*
We have to get over this stigma that being a "smark" is a negative thing. That any negative behavior from wrestling fans is "smarky" and that any dissention among fans who don't like booking decisions, wrestlers, or anything else people in the industry want you to like means that they're "smarkishness" is ruining the biz. Hey, we have great DVD reviewers here, but if they don't like a WWE PPV they aren't "smarks", they're just not fans of THAT particular product. If people think the WWE is the only wrestling that matters and wouldn't watch an RoH tape if it was inter-spliced with a Gail Kim/Mickie James lesbo sex tape then that doesn't mean they're "marks", unless they really think Umaga can't speak English, just coincidentally looks like the dude in 3-Minute Warning, and Hulk Hogan's right hamstring is laced with 50 lbs of pure steel to kill any opponent upon impact. They're "Smarks" too. Let's just put all this "You're a smark", "no you're a smark" finger pointing to rest. We're all "smarks" deep down inside and if you want, hell, I'll even let you use my "wrestling geek" catch phrase for your own use. Go ahead, I insist, you're a hell of a guy and you deserve it. So remember kids, just because someone is pissing you off at a show, or on a message board, or on their review doesn't mean they're being a "smark", it just means they're a wrestling fan…being an asshole. So as my good friend Snoop would say, "Assholes up, Smarks down".
The Truth
Are you really that surprised? We're all smarks, we're all wrestling geeks. The difference is that we all have different opinions on what we like and don't like. What is the best promotion or wrestler and who is the worst. Calling everything negative about being a fan and fan behavior, "smarky" is just retarded, it comes with the territory. Hell, I go to PWG shows and HATE this group of fans who I think are attention whores and nothing more, but you know, last weekend, I might have been that same group only at a different Fed. Sometimes you just try to have a good time at a show and end up making an ass out of yourself, it wasn't your intent, but it happened. Unless it was your intent, in which case I hope you're gang raped by every living Villano there is. But you know, it's a sad, ugly truth we have to accept. We're all "smarks". So now that you know, maybe we'll just take that little insult off the table and call a spade a spade and a dumbass a dumbass.
Coming Up Short
Okay, remember back to Bound For Glory when LAX beat the Phenomenal Angels for the Tag Titles in a cage? That was a hell of a match. Awesome in fact. Now fast forward to last Sunday when LAX was in a match again with the titles on the line, only this time they were facing Team 3D…and the cage was electrocuted. What the F…? Yeah, so apparently knowing that Team 3D couldn't match the match Styles and Daniels produced they decided to use a hokey, fake gimmick match. Sad. Either you employ wrestler who can put on a good show, or leave them in entertainment matches and out of important spots in the company. It was sad and pathetic to see Team 3D win and get such a huge honor in such a piss poor and corny manner. Not only is it time for the Dudleyz to perhaps call it quits, but I think it's time to keep the gimmick matches to 1 gimmick per match and 2 gimmicks per PPV. Fine, the match is in a catch, oh yeah the cage is electrocuted, oh by the way the cage is also covered in exploding Electric eels, oh and Spike Dudley is in a cage suspended above covered in tacks and Mike ‘n Ikes….that explode. Jebus. Someone stop Russo from over gimmicking TNA to death before this "Alternative" comes up any shorter.
6 Degrees of…
Manu Bumb underestimated the power of Al Bundy…
im not even gonna ask how I won.
any rules to this thing? no? good. Amy Acker....no, just connected her to WWE in 2 degrees. Alec Baldwin. His character on 30 rock reminds me of vince mcmahon, except not as much of a douche. okay, so i guess not at all, except he's the boss.
Wow, I just looked at 2nd place, and that was MUCH better than mine. well, like i said, not gonna ask how i won.
To be honest, I was making my decision as that Futurama episode parodying "Married with Children" came on so…I took it as a sign. Or I was high off allergy medicine, pick one. Well Alec is the oldest of the (in)famous Baldwin brothers and at this point seems to be the last one standing in the field of acting. Which reminds me of another brother from an (in)famous family who is also the last one standing in his chosen field…
Kevin Von Erich. Sad as it is, he is the last of the Von Erich brothers to be left alive. Although rumors have it that he may not be the last "Von Erich" left as it looks like perhaps a 3rd generation may be on the way. Still, from one (in)famous family to another in 6 degrees. I'll try not to watch Cartoon Network this week when I'm deciding the winner…although I can't make any promises.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Hi, Bayani,
Just thought it was important to mention that the first (US-made) Movie Superman was Christopher REEVE, not REEVES. George Reeves was the first (US-made) TV Superman. Minor point but an important one.
Than, Vince Maiocco
I know George is the first TV Superman but unless you're still talking about how the Undertaker/Batista match at WM23 reminded you of the Frank Gotch vs Grizzly Bear match you saw live at the 1918 World's fair then chances are you've only been familiar with Christopher Reeve. You did get me on the "s" however so good job. Then again, maybe I was talkin' about Christopher and his evil conjoined twin who escaped before the first screen test to the first Superman movie, lying in wait to feast upon stem cells and take over the world? Hmm….ever thought about that there pal? Ahh just kidding, you're good people Vinny.
Rusty F'n Nailz is taking a hiatus:
What's the deal son. It's been a longtime comin but I'm back for a day. Ever since the end of last year when I did two columns for 411, I fell out of love with wrestling. Its fucked up but I barely watch. I use to watch EVERYTHING n read every column on the site, but I lost da 'net up until last month and nothing's changed. I read a few columns here n there if I get the chance but this is the closest i ever been to jus givin up on wrestling completely. I read the TNA report a few mins. ago n it seems like they suck just as much as when i stopped watchin 3 months ago. Its crazy but for the first time since i started watchin I didnt give a fuck about WM! With a new job, school, and a sudden streak of luck wit hot girls (not hoes), ya boy is movin up in da world. It's money out there to get n wrestling just seems so lame. I still got the WWE 24/7 Online shit but I never watch it. I paid for the 24/7 On Demand shit which is cool n prolly the only wrestling I watch. My lil cousins watch and they way into it. I just feel old man. I'm bout to turn 23 next week and I'm bout to get my own crib, FINALLY! So yea I kno u prolly forgot about the kid but I figured I'd holla at u to see whats up. And I gotta let u kno I aint forget about the anniversary of the birth of the best feature in ur column-Asian bitches lookin good. I would say I deserve a lotta credit for that but I aint that vain n wit all this racial/sexist shit goin on in the world I dont even wanna take credit for somethin like that. But dont get it twisted. They still look good sober or drunk to me, and I'm happy to have created a legacy in what I consider to be the best wrestling column on the 'net besides Csonkanator shit. So yea this is my last hurrah as far as this IWC shit goes but u a cool cat n good luck to u in whatever u do in the future homie. 1~
Wait…Rusty is giving up the Ho's for quality tail? What has the world come to? What next? Funaki beating ‘Taker for the belt? The Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the playoffs? Meehan turning heel and refusing to watch nothing but old CZW tapes?? Crazy. Well, you were the first Asiaphile to start the most popular exploitation of Asian Women since the first Nail Saloon and Oriental Massage parlor opened. I know those two columns you wrote will forever live on in infamy in the 411 archives, or until Ashish wipes it clean to start 2009. I know TBT will forever welcome you back whenever you decide to pick up that remote and embrace the world of Wrasslin' again. Probably when they televise a brand new promotion on Mtv called, "Wet T-Shirt Society X". It's been fun while it lasted Rusty.
Chris Jacobs needs decaf. He sent me an e-mail or…4 and to condense it I'll just answer them all in succession:
About McMahon and cena being shoved down lita's throat. Could you please email me that story, even summed up a little bit, I don't have any damn money and cant afford a near $30 book, but I really want to hear that story.
How did sonny siaki kill Candido???
How did matt satrang's 4 and 5 have any relavance of each other?
Being a wrestling reporter shouldn't you know that it is Mysterio!?!?!?!?!?!? Not really annoyed, just found it funny.
The McMahon/Cena/Lita double tongue depressor thing was a joke. Although I'm sure at one point it's happened, I have no evidence to speak of to prove the story. Then again… Lita's sucked a lot of…um…okay moving on. Siaki actually botched a move during a TNA PPV match and landed on Candido, breaking his leg. He died of complications due to a blood clot that formed in his leg. Hence, in some way…I blame Siaki for killing Candido…and for just being a fatty. You fatty!! Oh Mark's 4th and 5th links were held together by both duct tape and the mention of The Rock being related to Umaga and then the Rock feuding with HHH. Also I have idea what the Mysterio question was about unless it has something to do with that joke about selling fruit on the side of the road. Which isn't racist…its funny…and true. I live in LA, someone prove me wrong…oh and pick me up some Jamaica, Watermelon, and Mango while you're at it, I think it's $3 off Inglewood Blvd. No salt or lime.
Just read your April 12th column, that had a few references to the oddity that was Michaels copping a feel of Cena at WM. I missed your original column, but I wonder if you (or anyone) has brought forth the possibility that Michaels was very blatantly making
fun of the phrase "Giving someone stroke" (which I believe is smark terminology for putting a guy over)
Any thoughts?
Thanks, Chuck
Well Chuck, I believe the term is giving someone the "rub" by putting him over. And yes…it was LITERALLY HBK giving Cena a "rub". I also find it funny that whenever HBK doesn't want to do a job he oversells his opponent in such a cartoonish way as to say "look at me, it doesn't hurt, we're just pretending because in real life I'm the bigger star". He did it with Hogan, he Rubbed it with Cena, and he did it again on RAW as he sold the FU like he'd taken a 9 volt to the gnads. Hey, HBK will give you a good "Rub" down, but don't expect a happy ending with a smile.
It's nice to know people recognize genius…
Fantastic column. One of the best I've read in a long, long time.
I was lucky enough to go to Wrestlemania and my first ROH show. Both were fantastic in their own way, but it's unfair to compare the two. Wrestlemania was a spectacle in every sense of the word. Bright lights, pyro, explosions...it was like being in a live-action movie. The ROH show was the BEST in-ring action I've ever seen in person.
The WWE, and especially Wrestlemania was like the big-time summer blockbuster. Big names, bigger special effects and huge hype. However, when it comes to the storyline, it was lacking...kind of shallow. Sort of like the Star Wars prequals. The ROH show was like the relatively low-budget, art house movie that receives all the critical acclaim but no box office. Both shows were great in their own regard but reaching fairly different
audiences.
How does this relate to your column...I'm not totally sure, but I was proud of myself for coming up with that comparison. Anyway...you wrote a wonderful column. Keep it up.
~Ryan
You know, usually I'd come up with my own crude analogy to explain the differences between WM and a really great Indy show, but I think Ryan pretty much "Trumped" me. Too bad, like an RoH show featuring Bobby "Fatty Hagar" Dempsey, this column is sure to disappoint. Maybe this week…maybe next, when I tackle the much talked about Evolution of HBK's gay ring attire over the years. With special guest D.Wilcox. And by special I mean he supplied all the photos, with certain …um…parts…enlarged and highlighted.
6 Degrees Results
So maybe it's just me but of the few 6DO regulars, they seem to be getting better every week. It's getting harder and harder to choose a winner each week, so this time I pick the top spot as the entry that actually brought up a name I hadn't even heard of before, but through the miracle of wiki…
Honorable Mention
Thomas Williams
1.Deuce is the adopted son of one Jimmy Snuka
2.Jimmy Snuka had the cage match that inspired both Foley and Dreamer to become wrestlers at Madison Square Garden.
3.Madison Square Garden was the host of 4 Democratic National Conventions
4.The Democratic National Convention has put forth such presidents as Bill Clinton and JFK
5.JKF was rumored to have had an affair with Marilyn Monroe
6Marilyn Monroe was also alleged to have had an affair with the great Marlon Brando.
That was a pain in the ass. Hope my efforts are appreciated.
Well your efforts ARE appreciated…just not enough to break the top 3 this week T-Will. Wait, maybe a better nick name is in order, that just makes you sound like a nice comfy fabric.
#3
B--
Really good article this week. I thought it was one of the better serious pieces you have wrriten in a long time.
Anyways onto this week's entry: Brando to the Duece
1) Brando's last movie was 2001's The Score, starring Edward Norton...
2) Norton was the lead in American History X, also featuring Ethan Suplee...
3) Suplee got his first break on Boy Meets World, including an episode where Vader played his dad...
4) Vader had many run-ins with Ric Flair in WCW, including the main event to Starrcade '93...
5) Flair's first mission in 2007 was putting over Kenny Dykstra, losing to him multiple times in the ealry part of the year...
6) Kenny and Duece traded OVW's Television Title in the summer of 2005...
Mark Satrang
Thanks Mark, compliments will get you…to 3rd place this week. I don't know, I'm bi-polar most weeks as sometimes "random trying to be funny" B writes a column, then his serious more introspective twin gets a shot. He is called b. Cuz' clearly the other guy's name is capitalized to represent his "Heelishness".
#2
Double C (Corey Cotton)
Yeah, I thought the whole Adrien Brody thing from last week was disturbing, too. From now on, no more Adrien Brody. Here's this week's Adrien Brody-free submission:
1. Deuce, whose real name is James Reiher, Jr., is better known as Jimmy Snuka, Jr., the adopted son of "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka.
2. The Superfly was in the corner of Hulk Hogan and Mr T during the main event of Wrestlemania I, for which Muhammad Ali was the special guest outside referee.
3. Muhammad Ali was played by Will Smith in the 2001 movie "Ali".
4. Will Smith was in the 2000 movie "The Legend Of Bagger Vance" with Matt Damon.
5. Matt Damon was in the 2006 movie "The Good Shepherd" with Robert De Niro.
6. Robert De Niro was in the 2001 movie "The Score" with Marlon Brando.
Dang, very very very close this week C2. Although to be fair I liked the remake of that movie that didn't have Matt Damon in it. I believe it was called "The Legend of Tea Bagger Vince", starring "Big" Willy Smith. Classic tale of tail. Also correctly identifying Jr. as the adoptive son was bonus as well.
#1.
For the sake of brevity I deleted the entries that our winner this week had that I felt weren't up to snuff, but considering how many this many usually turns in I figured saving the two I was most interested in would suffice:
Here's my entries...admire...and crown the winner...rinse wash and repeat!
1)Duece Shade son of Jimmy Snuka
2)Jimmy Snuka in the corner of T and Hogan WMI
3)Muhammed Ali guest referee
4)Muhammed Ali v Chuck Wepner – basis for the rocky story
5)Rocky stars Talia Shire- sister of Francis Coppola
6)Francis coppola directed the godfather staring marlon brando
1)Marlon Brando starred in a streetcar named desire with Jessica Tandy
2)Jessica Tandy starred in Driving Miss Daisy about a relationship with a black chaffuer
3)Mike Jones played Ted Diabises black chauffer Virgil in the late 80s early 90s wwf
4)Many thought calling the chaffuer virgil was a knock at Dusty Rhodes (Real name Virgil Runnels)
5)Dusty has two sons Dustin and Cody
6)Cody feuded with Duece Shade in OVW
Greg Pryor
Well Greg, I thought that the Virgil – Driving Miss Daisy link was good, I believe he was technically DiBiase's "Bodyguard" or so they'd have you believe. But coupled with the entry with Chuck Wepner, I thought it merited the top spot. Didn't even know about Wepner till I looked him up. Interesting stuff there. I didn't even realize the Ali-Inoki match HAD an undercard, let alone one featuring Andre the Giant and Wepner. Good job Greg, I guess the, throw a fist full of rocks and hope one of them hits the target approached worked this week. THIS week. But let's see what you have on tap next week for your nomination. Hot DAMN this is getting hard to judge now. Maybe a guest judge each week wouldn't be a bad idea. Hmmm…
Left Overs…
Ashley is having surgery again to reattach a pin in her leg from a previous break. Damn, it's sad to note but in the next 3 months Ashley is STILL going to get more pins than Victoria is.
The other night I stayed up till 12:30 am thinking I was going to see Tito Ortiz beat the high holy shit out of Dana White. It ended up being a total ‘work' as supposedly Tito backed out of it and was made to look like a preening douche' bag. Not sure what the circumstances were or if this was all a ploy to get Dana White over and make Ortiz look like a… douche', but it worked. White is quickly becoming the Vince McMahon of MMA. If at UFC 70 he has Wanderlei Silva run in and hit Ortiz with a chair so he can kiss his ass, we'll know he's gone too far. Sorry Tito, No Chance…that's what you got…no chance in HELL!!
ECW's One Night Stand is set for 5/30. I think a great concept would be to make this a "Lethal Lottery" type of PPV where guys you'd never seen paired up would fight other mixed up tag teams. You know, you go to a place and end up hooking up with someone you normally wouldn't and wake up in the morning regretting it and hoping you'll never have to see them again. Only this time your friends don't have to wait till the next morning to tell you they're sure it was a DUDE.
So they went ahead and explained that Santino Marella (or Santiago as JR likes to call him) is actually a trained wrestlers who just HAPPENED to be back home in Italy visiting family. Which kind of ruins the whole, random fans can be IC Champs if they buy front row tickets, angle they could have played. I wish this would happen in real life. "Hey, Alfonso Soriano is going to be out for a few days, we need a replacement…how about…right there, that kid in the Soriano jersey, he already has a hat and glove…okay, go grab him". I wonder if the WWE is going to add that option in the Fantasy game they have. Random Fan: $100,000. Probably pay off better than choosing Funaki each week.
Smackdown last Friday scored only a 2.5 rating, which has been the lowest it's been in a while. I blame Batista and his weird suit/tank top combo he was wearing. What the hell was up with that? It used to be the blazer/t-shirt trendy young hipster outfit, now it's full on suits on tank tops? It just keeps getting to be more formal on the outside and less formal underneath. What's next? Tuxedos with no shirt and nipple tassels underneath? Well, so long as you keep the cumberbun, cumberbuns make everything classy. Hell sometimes I just wear one without a tuxedo….or pants. "Casual Fridays" at 411 just got a little more casual.
I know that the Chris Harris/James Storm "Prince of Darkness" match was lame on Lockdown, but how the hell has the WWE not already stolen that idea? You are seriously telling me you can not imagine an HBK vs John Cena with the WWE Title on the line in a "You Can't See Me" match?
So Aries' group is now called "The Resilience". Which sounds like an English emo band opening for the Arctic Monkeys. I guess the idea is that they can come back from anything you throw at them. Strong already picked the "No Remorse Corp" because it sounds like a garage speed metal group, which plays off the ruthlessness of the guys in the group. Now we are waiting for Jack Evans to pick and name his stable. My guess? He goes with an all puro trained stable called "Pork Sashimi". You can, cuz' you "can't keep it down for long".
PWG regulars, El Generico and Kevin Steen, are still kicking ass in RoH as they are set to take on the Briscoes in the near future for the titles. What is anticipated to be a great build to the feud will involve a "Man Up Drinking Contest" with Steen facing off versus Jay. Steen will be drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon, Jay will be drinking Moonshine. Also a verbal debate with El Generico taking on Mark Briscoe. First person to speak 3 intelligible words first wins. Meaning that should could inadvertently end up as a double shot.
Is anyone else thinking that if TNA does go ahead and pull their talent from RoH, then RoH should consider just putting on PPV's of their shows? I'm sure it would dig into their DVD sales a bit, but that's still extra revenue and I'm sure the difference wouldn't be that much. Or even have them on iTunes. Which would rock, because then you could watch a show while you're at the gym instead of staring at the hypnotic and rhythmic swaying of the fat chick's saddle bags in front of you on the treadmill. It's like watching a lava lamp. *Damn, this joke would have been funnier if RoH fans actually worked out*
On a related note HBK gave an interview recently when asked about the "Rub-a-dub" incident at WM23. He simply said that since he "Couldn't see John Cena" he merely had to feel his way around. The full interview can be read at www.shitimadeup.org
The countdown continues: 30 days till I get to see Don Fujii vs Stalker (Stoker?) Ichikawa Z live and in person. Man, I'm sure it will be epic. Its like watching the physical manifestation of the battle between my Job vs My will to live each week. Guess which one Stalker is?
So I guess this means that Ashley is out of the running to be in the Timbaland video now. Which is weird, because I ain't never heard of no rapper who doesn't want to shoe horn as many superfluous skanky white bitches as he can in his video? You're telling me he doesn't have room for all of them? Damn soft ass new skool rappers. Shit, if this was Slick Rick, he'd have 15 conjoined twins up in that mutha just to fill it to capacity. La Di Da Di, he likes to party.
It seems a little pre-mature to already be teasing tension and a double turn between CM Punk and Elijah Burke already. The stable has just solidified itself, now we have a straight edger, school teacher, boxer, ex-football jungle cat, a vampire, and his skanky vampire girlfriend. What they SHOULD be looking to do is recruit a 7th person, perhaps a Jewish werewolf, a finding a place together where they can stop being nice and start being real. No wait…for that to work, the Jewish werewolf has to be gay. Okay, book it!!
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Somehow Monty Brown looks like a baked potato in his shiny undies, but on her...not so much.
TNA's "Sacrifice" in May will feature Christian Cage vs Sting for the NWA title. Wow, pitting Christian against Christian. That just seems wrong, I'm glad Jesus isn't around to see that. Then again, he isn't signed with WSX anymore right? Now THAT is the guy who needs to leads a stable featuring those guys.
Tomorrow is 4/20, it is also when a lot of people end up sending me feedback after reading my column. Meaning tomorrow I expect to get about 87 e-mails. From 3 people. Mostly forgetting they e-mailed me in the first place and asking me if I have any Chili-Cheese Fritos and why every time they press on their belly button nothing turns off or on. Should be fun. Let's start it off right then, just contemplate this: If Rob Van Dam had two left hands then he and any guy to his right would always be R-V-D. FREAK OUT!!
Pimpin' In High Places
So it seems like they've been some shifting around of columns lately. Some people have moved to Mondays, some to Wednesdays, some have debuted on Sunday, but one thing still remains, TBT is the anchor on Thursdays here at 411 like Melina is to Johnny Nitro's career. But feel free to check out the other fine columns this past week…then remember to write in those Mary Jane induced e-mails to me tomorrow…damn Potheads!!:
Ask 411 has found a permanent home on Wednesdays. *sigh* It's like I miss you already…c'mon back to Thursdays baby, I promise I won't hit you no more, it was just that…ooh… you make me so angry sometimes…but that's all over now. C'mon and I'll pick you up at your mama's place. You know Thursday is your cuddly ‘sugar bear'.
Jules lists his top Undertaker matches. Pretty standard list really, only it's missing the Punjabi Prison match. I demand a Top 11 list next week to make up for it.
O'Dog is ready to pull the plug on the brand extension. Unless some how it's fixed…meaning its balls are cut off. I think. I'm not too good with words that mean multiple things.
AC thinks we need an alternative to TNA. Which we have, it's called porn. Sweeeeet. Total Nympho Action.
Csonka is back with his 3 R's. This time however those R's are locked in a steel cage…with 6 sides…and they're electrocuted…plus…ferrets…something about exploding barb wire covered ferrets. Sorry, Russo booked his column this week.
Jor-L loves wrestling, he shared 5 of those things with you last week. I think Traci Brooks' rack counts as 2 though.
CoH welcomes back Ari into the fold. After a tough fought legal battle, as well as other…"arrangements", Ari won the rights to his column back. I wasn't sure exactly what he meant by "arrangements" but Ari kept mumbling something about, "mouthwash…need …more…mouthwash".
The 3rd Threat Saints debate CM Punk's heel turn amongst other things. I wonder which of these guys would be Colt Cabana? Probably the most Jewish one I guess.
A Short plug. Man, I'd love to go to school in Japan, maybe check out some Joshi. I wonder if most pinning combinations involve a Japanese "School Girl"…I know mine would.
Stu sizes up a CM Punk sized heel turn. Oh, this is unrelated but anyone thought about renaming KENTA's stolen finisher the "Tylenol CM"…that usually would make me Go To Sleep.
Adamson learns a very valuable lesson in life in the land of puro about work place bullies. You should always stand up to them…because if you sit down to them, more than likely they'll give you a shining wizard for your troubles.
D-Dubya says there is something screwy about MSG. Not the seasoning, the arena…although the seasoning is a might peculiar. One side effect is increased math proficiency and decreased driving ability.
So last weekend I went to a Next Generation Wrestling show. It was…interesting. Kind of like if Pro Wrestling Guerrilla had an off shoot company like HUSTLE. Only slightly more homoerotic. I'll tell ya, sometimes you just have to give into the comedy and ridiculousness of a night of Indy wrestling and not expect so much in the way of actual wrestling. It's like paying $10 to go see "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" and for all it's retardedness, actually enjoying yourself. Or it's like watching fat women try to use weight machines for the first time in their lives at the gym. They're in it all backwards and upside, trying to pull on random levers and handles, no clue what they're doing, until you explain to them that they're actually on a scale. Awwwwwkward. Well nothing big happening this weekend in wrestling so…take the weekend off. Go ahead. Go outside, get some exercise, maybe a nice scoop of Daiquiri Ice. It's on me. Btw, go check out this week's version of "Buy of Sell". I hear a certain anonymous young handsome ‘smarky' columnist will be taking a turn discussing his favorite Indy Fed. No spoilers this time.
