Just S’pose 4.29.07

No one who wrote to me noticed that my last column, about Hulk Hogan retaining the AWA title, was posted on the 25th anniversary of the very match I was talking about. Instead, most of the mail about it was similar to this one, written by “blazedinpk”:

dude who the f*** is bam bam bundy? theres king kong bundy and bam bam bigallow. what the f*** is a bam bam bundy lololololol.wow.

I explained to him, and I will also explain to all of you. In AWA history, there were two guys there who went by the names “Dick the Bruiser” and “The Crusher.” They were AWA, and wrestling, legends. Crusher held the AWA World title three times, and Dick the Bruiser was champion once. Their careers continued through the 1980’s. For example, when The Road Warriors won the AWA Tag Team titles in 1984, they beat Baron Von Raschke and Crusher for the titles. And when Sting beat up The Black Flair Scorpion at Starrcade 1990, Dick the Bruiser was the special guest referee.

Anyway, Verne Gagne and other AWA management wanted to avoid any confusion among fans. This meant they could not have two wrestlers with similar names in the area at the same time. When Bruiser Brody went to the AWA in the 1970’s and 1980’s, they already had a “Bruiser,” so he was known as “King Kong Brody.” Furthermore, when King Kong Bundy toured the AWA, there was already a “King Kong” in their annals, so he, too, needed to change his name. As far as I can remember, Bam Bam Bigelow never went to the AWA, so the craziness did not continue, and when the Freebirds wrestled there, Terry Gordy was never referred to as “Terry ‘Bam Bam’ Gordy.”

Anyway, for everyone else who was confused, that’s where “Bam Bam Bundy” came from. As I told blazedinpk, you can still laugh at me, just not about this.

Hockey season is done (the Pens were simply outmatched against Ottawa, and when they finally managed to play a complete game in game four, goalie Ray Emery decided to get his cape from the dry cleaners), but next year, everyone in the NHL should Beware the Penguins. You were warned this year. Next year, you shall be… well, let’s just let that wait until next year.

On to stuff and things.

HE’S NOT YOUR SEXY BOY

“Ladies and gentlemen, The Rockers!”

Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels were standing together on the set of “Brutus’s Barber Shop,” hands raised in victory. Their differences now smoothed over, they were smiling and ready to move on toward their goal of winning the WWF Tag Team titles. Shawn Michaels turned to Brutus Beefcake, shook his hand, and turned back toward Marty. Jannetty responded by blasting him with a right cross to the chin.

Michaels fell down in a heap. When he tried to stand back up, Jannetty, standing on the barber chair on the set, jumped and hit a leg drop across Michaels’ back, the move known as the Rocker Dropper. Michaels collapsed in a heap. Marty Jannetty then picked him up, shouted, “I’m sick of carrying you!” and threw Shawn Michaels through the picture window on the set.

Shawn Michaels hung in the window, bleeding profusely from the forehead, while Marty Jannetty walked around, arms in the air, playing human target for the crowd’s hatred.

In the world we know, this scenario was reversed, with Shawn Michaels throwing Marty Jannetty through the window in December 1991. Michaels used that happening to jump start his singles career in the WWF, and went on to hold the Intercontinental, European, Tag Team, and World titles. Marty Jannetty, meanwhile, made a few appearances in the WWF, teaming with the 1-2-3 Kid and Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) in different appearances. Most of the time, he appeared on independent shows, and also made appearances in ECW and WCW. But, Just S’pose Marty Jannetty threw Shawn Michaels through the window. What might have happened?

While Shawn Michaels went to San Antonio to recover from his injuries, Marty Jannetty began his singles career in the WWF. He won several matches on television against wrestlers like Barry Horowitz and Dusty Wolfe, with a modified version of the Rocker Dropper later called a “scissors kick.” He entered the 1992 Royal Rumble in 14th and survived until the final six, when he was eliminated by Sid Justice and Hulk Hogan.

After the Rumble, he joined the stable of Jimmy Hart. He started wearing a leather jacket to the ring, and began using new ring music, based loosely on Judas Priest’s “Rockin’ After Midnight,” the Midnight Rockers theme song back in the AWA. He called himself the “Party Boy,” and was accompanied to the ring by Party Girl Nikki, known to many fans as a former colleague from the AWA, Madusa Miceli. He started a feud with Tatanka, and won their match at WrestleMania VIII by countout when Nikki pulled down the top rope, sending Tatanka sprawling backward to the outside. He worked his way up the ladder, beating Virgil, Sgt. Slaughter, Tito Santana, and Owen Hart before challenging Bret Hart for the Intercontinental title. Hart kept the title, despite losing several times by countout. At SummerSlam 1992, Jannetty beat Crush with a move he called the “Rock-a-Bye,” a knee drop from the top rope.

Jannetty continued to work his way through the WWF roster, teaming occasionally with The Natural Disasters against The Legion of Doom and Ultimate Warrior. While he was easily the smallest man in the match, he was also the quickest, which helped his team win many of the matches. At Survivor Series 1992, he teamed with The Disasters and Nailz against The Legion of Doom and The Nasty Boys. In the match, Animal lifted Jannetty up in a military press and threw him over the top rope to the floor. Unfortunately, Jannetty landed wrong and tore several ligaments and tendons in his left leg. He needed assistance to the locker room, and was out of wrestling for nine months.

In the meantime, Shawn Michaels returned to the ring. He was originally scheduled to return in January 1993, and would feud with Jannetty, but after the injury, it was decided Michaels had waited long enough. He was in the 1993 Royal Rumble as a surprise participant, entering eighth and lasting until the final eight, eliminated by eventual winner Yokozuna. He beat Razor Ramon in WrestleMania IX, then beat Mr. Perfect at King of the Ring on June 13 to win the Intercontinental title.

In August, while defending the title against Ludvig Borga on Monday Night RAW, Marty Jannetty ran from the back and attacked Michaels. The attack ended in a double-team attack against Michaels, leaving Michaels in a crumpled heap in the middle of the ring. Later on RAW, he challenged Michaels for the Intercontinental title at SummerSlam. Michaels accepted, and on August 30, Marty Jannetty won his first singles title in the WWF.

When Marty returned to action, Party Girl Nikki did not join him at ringside. While he was injured, she changed her name back to Madusa and moved on to the resurging women’s division, winning the Women’s title in May. Marty was now joined at ringside by Rockin’ Robin. Michaels did not regain the title, and Rockin’ Robin became a big reason why, interfering in many matches.

In October, in the build toward Survivor Series 1993, Jannetty put his feud with Michaels aside for a few weeks decided to challenge the man who put him out of action for nine months, Animal. Animal controlled most of the match, but when he picked up Jannetty in a military press, Marty slid behind Animal, rolled him up, and grabbed his trunks for the three count.

In December, Rockin’ Robin challenged Madusa for the Women’s title. Marty insisted he would be at ringside, but only as an unbiased spectator. During the match, on the first RAW of 1994, Madusa was about to pin Robin when Marty pulled her out of the ring under the bottom rope. While Madusa was arguing with him, Robin kicked her in the head. Jannetty picked her up and threw her in the ring, and three seconds later, there was a new Women’s champion.

After the match, while Jannetty and Robin celebrated in the ring, Shawn Michaels came to the ring and told the referee what had happened. Jannetty turned and attacked Michaels, and their fight was joined by Madusa and Robin. At Royal Rumble 1994, Jannetty and Robin faced Michaels and Madusa in a mixed tag team match, in which Robin’s Women’s title and Jannetty’s Intercontinental title were on the line. At the end of the match, Robin went to hit Michaels with her belt, but he ducked, and she hit Jannetty instead. Shawn Michaels then became the new Intercontinental champion.

Later that night, both men were in the Royal Rumble, although never at the same time. Michaels entered third and was eliminated ninth, while Jannetty entered eleventh and was the 28th person eliminated.

Before WrestleMania X, Jannetty challenged Michaels to one more match. He said he wanted a match for the Intercontinental title that would decide, once and for all, who was the better man. No outside interference, no Robin, no Madusa, winner takes all. He also wanted it to be a ladder match, where the belt would hang above the ring, and the only way to win the match would be to climb up a ladder and grab the belt. Michaels agreed, and the two had what is considered by many to be the best match in WrestleMania history. Jannetty won the match in 19:27, and declared himself “The Greatest Intercontinental Champion in History.”

He continued to defend the title against everybody until December 1994, when he dislocated his right shoulder. The injury forced him out of wrestling for eight weeks, and he relinquished the title.

He came back to the ring in February 1995, wrestled one match against Razor Ramon, and reinjured his left leg. This time, he was out for almost one year.

He returned in January 1996, just in time for the Royal Rumble. He challenged Razor Ramon, now Intercontinental champion, and won the match after Ramon was distracted by Goldust. Jannetty, I-C champion for the third time, was angered by the fans saying he only won because of Goldust, and challenged Goldust. In their match, Goldust won by countout, and won again by disqualification in their rematch. When Jannetty asked for a no-disqualification match at WrestleMania XII, Goldust suggested something he called a “Back Lot Brawl,” where the two would fight in the back lot of a movie studio. During the taping of the match, Jannetty jumped off the hood of Goldust’s gold Cadillac, slipped on the wet pavement, and injured his left knee again.

This time, his knee was damaged so badly, all doctors who examined him suggested he should retire. On April 22, 1995, on Monday Night RAW, Marty Jannetty, in a wheelchair, rolled to ringside.

“This is hard for me to say, but I need to say it. As many of you know, I have injured my left knee twice in the past, and each time it happened, I got it operated on, took some time off, and came back like nothing happened. I am a three-time Intercontinental champion, and I remain The Greatest Intercontinental Champion of All Time, even if I don’t have the belt right now. I won what many consider the greatest match in WrestleMania history against Shawn Michaels, and Shawn and I were in one of the best tag teams ever, The Rockers.” The crowd cheered the history lesson.

“At WrestleMania, I had a match with Goldust, and in that match, and blew out my knee again. As I said before, that’s nothing new. But what is new, is I have seen seven doctors in the past three weeks, and every doctor I saw said that even after I have surgery to repair my knee, I will never walk the same again. I will probably have a permanent limp, and will not be able to return to the same high quality I’ve had in the past.” Many in the crowd stopped cheering, and instead braced themselves for what seemed like the inevitable announcement.

“Before I continue, I’d like to ask Shawn Michaels to come out here.” A minute later, Shawn made his way to ringside, with a confused look on his face.

“Shawn, I wanted you out here because, no matter what happened between us in the past three-plus years, I always thought of our time as The Rockers as some of the best times in my career. I just wanted to say that, after everything we’ve been through, all our matches, all the title changes, all the stuff – after all that, I still think of you as a great partner.” Jannetty extended his hand, and after a short delay, Michaels shook it. They then embraced, and both shed a few tears.

“Shawn, I am glad you’re out here when I say this, because you’re bringing my career back full circle. Because of my knee, and based on the advice of my doctors, I am retiring from wrestling.”

With that news, Marty Jannetty returned to Columbia, GA, to live the quiet life of a former professional wrestler. Shawn Michaels went on to beat Bret Hart to win the WWF World title before losing it to Bob Backlund at Survivor Series 1995. He would win it two more times in his career. Rockin’ Robin and Madusa would both go to Japan, where women’s wrestling is appreciated more.

HE’S STILL NOT YOUR BOY TOY

I will be back next week. We’re coming up to the point of the year where my work load is a little lighter, so there will be more time for writing. That means less work, which also means less pay, but I suppose it’s a trade I have to live with for now.

Ah, what do you care? All you know is, more fake history = good!

Ron