The Fink’s Payload 04.30.07: Mr. Marella’s Title Reign
Posted by Sforcina-Marsico on 04.30.2007
CLEARLY WWE is holding off any movement until this is posted.
Matt: Hello, and welcome once again to the column that proves… not a lot really.
Nick: Read the News to Start Your Weekend. That's all.
Matt: And so, we should go on with the people's ideas for out new Intercontinental Champion.
BUT WAIT!
Apparently some people didn't get enough Nick Fury and hence have thrown a few more Gimmick Matches at us. Well, on their own head be it, starting with Rich Blosser.
Kings of the Mountain match: Start with 4 tag teams, and the rules apply for the King of the Mountain match but with some twists. When one team member is pinned that member goes to the cage not the tag team and when one member of a team earns a pinfall the whole team is eligible. Now about the belt hanging there are 2 hooks above the ring when one member gains the first belt, they are sent to the penalty box and the 2nd member is on his own to hang the second belt. First team to hang both belts, by both partners are the winners (2 cages will be there in case the first is being used)
Steel Rain Match: This takes place inside the cage with a steel roof with 5 compartments over head. After the match starts a 5 minute countdown starts once the 5 minutes are up one of the hatches drops and thousands of thumbtacks ran onto the mat after that every 3 minutes a hatch opens dropping more and more thumbtacks into the ring. The longer the match goes on the more thumbtacks line the ring, I bet you could find a good feud to have this kind of match in.
Bloody Trophy Match: This one is simple a no-holds barred anything goes match. The only way to win the only way to win is to bludgeon your opponent to wear he bleeds and you hold him up to the ref like a trophy.
Matt: Nick, please, allow me.
The first idea won't work because you'll have up to 12 hangings of a title belt before a winner is found on the 13th and the match is confusing enough already. The second one is so asinine it'll never play, in that you effectively kill thumbtacks for good, and as for the third one…how is that different to a first blood match? How the hell can you quantify "held up like a trophy'? How's that Nick?
Nick: If he were to have kids, could we even call it "pro" creating?
Matt: And then we have Chris Jacobs with matches that his own fed has tried.
House of Horrors: Tap poles extend off each turnbuckle, barbed wire is strung up around all corners making a sick looking spider-web affect, and weapons are hung from the strands. You can clip down weapons and use them, or pull apart the barbed wire and use that. Just a lil' touch of freaky spider web madness.
Rest in Peach match: We did this with a dark character; kind of old school undertaker feel, there is a casket next to the ring, basically a Casket/Last Man standing match. Shut the door, wait for the ten count, but we had a trap door on the ring side, and since the gimmick is simple, the finish is what is best, the Dead like character was put in, the heel character locked the door so there was no way out at the 9 count the lights went out, he went under the ring, jumped out and climbed in the ring, when the lights were back on he was standing behind the opponent with the casket still locked, and since it was a homemade casket out of plywood and painted black, the heel character took a sick chokeslam through the lid of the casket and stayed put for the ten count.
This match was made as a joke this was a Choose Your Brink match, and it was a triple threat with three jobbers, Lucha Larry, a fat dude dressed with a Dollar store mask and a Y2J sexy beast shirt, Hatchet Stan, a dude in overalls and a Jason mask with a pillow in his shirt to make him look legit fat to everyone's surprise, and the Drunken Horndog, another heavier guy wrestling shirtless with yellow gym shorts, mismatching shoes, and a paper bag that we were able to get to stay around his head. Anyway they each had there own drink, Larry and Stan had there brands of Faygo (this is a heavily juggalo influenced fed and crowd) and Horndog had a giant novelty beer that the bottle was the at least three feet tall. The winner had to basically retrieve there respected beverage hanging above the ring, (jobber ladder match), this match was full of stupid double teams such as a elbow drop contest, a pin fall contest, you know were they throw the guy off, and make the pin, get thrown off, the other guy makes the pin, all while you aren't allowed to pin. Hatchet stand had a hand puppet of a Koala Bear (Socko gimmick) that he argued with when he couldn't get the pinfall or submission, and throws the puppet out. It ends when Larry splashes Stan who had a chair on him, and he hurts himself in the process from falling on the chair, Horndog hits his own splash, climbs up and gets his beer. Crap finish when it comes to the finishing move, but the crowd laughed there asses off and loved it, oh, and all three Jobbers were part there own faction kinda like the old school J.O.B. Squad, and our jobbers were known as "Strange Brew". The crowd loved it, but the other two gimmicks are more serious match quality. But how many feds have a special gimmick just for the jobbers?
Matt: Well, TNA has Ultimate X… I keed, I keed. The third one is stupid, obviously, but the first one…isn't that just Raven's House Of Fun without the need to toss through tables? And the second one is simple enough I guess.
Nick: I don't even care. This column is still about wrestling, right?
Matt: So, finally, onto our current IC champ. Adam Radomske starts us off.
Keeping the mystique that this man is a legitimate fan, not a wrestler, is the most important. Show snippets throughout the weeks on Raw, showing him training with Bobby Lashley. Much like when they did the Brock vs. The Rock match. Show him training and beating up scrubs in a boxing ring with Lashley showing him the ropes. Demonstrating that Marella is getting better every week. The whole time Vince is trying to get the belt off him, but the 30 day defense rule is in effect. Then have a match against a jobber heel and have Marella just destroy him via superior mat and submission wrestling. Then at Vince is fed up and books Shane vs. Marella for the IC Title in a Street Fight. Shane is awesome at making a scrub look like a great. The end would be Shane trying to go coast to coast, but Marella gets his foot up and gets Shane right in the nuts. Marella makes Shane tap out to his new finisher the Ankle Lock.
Matt: This idea has been floated about, and while I like it, it requires a ret-con since on ECW they already established he's a ‘real' wrestler who was training in Canada and was home to visit his family and ‘just happened' to be chosen. Otherwise, this would be the way to go. But I approve of Shane/Marella.
Nick: Sounds fine enough, at least the match. I don't really like the idea of a non-wrestler learning to wrestle on air, especially when he's already a champion.
Matt: David W. Crossan gets caught with the whole "Column not posted till Monday" syndrome.
A meaningless belt on a meaningless champion. I would have Mr. Marella come out tonight on Raw and give a promo about how much of an honor it is to be the Intercontinental champion. Have him talk about how he will defend the belt with honor against any competitor who feels they can take the belt off him. At this point have Johnny Nitro's music play and he would come out and cut a promo about how he was the last true IC champ and he wants his belt back. This would instantly set up a match at Backlash and have two guys fight over the title for the title not any other reason except to be champion. Have Marella's win the match at Backlash and continue to be a fighting champion. Keep the belt on him for a few months defeating foes like Nitro, Kenny, Masters, and even some higher guys like Umaga again or Orton (If he still has a job.) He will also fight faces since he is a fighting champion and will take on all foes. Have the announcers keep the hype on him while he is a champion. This should build the title back up to a stepping stone towards the big belt and also give a young guy credibility towards being a star. If you want to keep the belt on him for a long time in four or five months turn him heel. Like Christian when he was the IC champ. Win at any cost to retain the title that is the most precious gift a wrestler can have. During his entire reign any time he talks he puts the belt over first. Simple yet effective.
Matt: Apart from the whole "Backlash match", I do like it as simple angles go.
Nick: Hey, simple! Awesome.
Matt: Madmex isn't about to let Nick get him down.
I would have Mr. Marella come to the states as a full blown heel. Sure he beat Umaga with Lashley's help, but he's "Italian". American's aren't gonna cheer him anyhow. So when he comes to the states he comes out to the ring and just starts dogging Americans, and how ever since he stepped off of the plane people have treated him like a foreigner. He can comment on how he was about to make a comeback against Umaga, that he was just toying with him. Everyone knows that foreigners are supposed to be heels, anyhow. After a few minutes of talking trash, send out an American legend jobber, i.e. Slaughter, Rhodes, or Hacksaw, and have him demolish them. Then, his gimmick starts, in that he is better than all these Americans, and go from there. He can stay champ for at least a month, and then have an all American wrestler come up from the lower ranks and defeat him, or take a current unused superstar and have them defend America against him.
Matt: This is alas, something I half expect WWE to do. So I'm marking you down for giving them ideas.
Nick: The "foreigner against America" gimmick is probably the worst in wrestling history. Shame on you for sending in this idea.
Matt: Jim Chase goes for REAL simplicity.
Marella gets beat by ANYONE to end this wrestlecrap.
Matt: All right then…
Nick: Right.
Matt: Another quickie, albeit a lot less negative, from Jayrayman.
I think Marella's title run should be characterized by Vince McMahon (or Jonathan Coachman, if McMahon is too busy with Lashley) trying and failing to get the title off him. This could be a weekly challenge with a new challenger each week. Finally in the end, once Umaga stops blowing Lashley, he wins it back by beating the crap out of Marella (possibly making him bleed), after this Marella rises to a standing ovation, and leaves the ring and the WWE. Later coming back as Boris Alexiev (because that names much cooler)
Matt: Yeah, but in this day and age, when they can't even mess up a simple title match on a house show, you think they can get away with a total nationality re-alignment like that?
Nick: As long as he doesn't come back for a year or so, of course they can bring him back as somebody completely new. All they did for Umaga was put face paint on the guy and gave him tights instead of baggy clothing. Kevin Thorn has dark hair and fangs. Just let the new dude leave for a while, come back next year with a singlet and have him not smile. Nobody will have any idea.
Matt: Reichou Shinsake goes a little risky but it's still viable.
First, you have to have Vince and Shane absent the first week back from Italy. In an interview with Armando Estrada, he talks about how they'll all get their revenge on Lashley at Backlash, but send a message against Santino tonight. Armando reveals that Coachman has set up a "tune-up match" that pits Santino in the Backlash-themed 3-man handicap match against Umaga/Armando/Coach (since the McMahon's are "away" on business), and stipulated that if Lashley gets involved, he is fired. Santino gets his ass kicked, but wins the match via interference - by MVP, of all people. The announcers are dumbfounded, but after the match, MVP can be heard telling Santino things like "You owe me," "I can be the best friend you have around here" and "talk to me at Smackdown." To start Smackdown on Friday, MVP tells Santino that since he won the title as a fan without a WWE contract, Santino should basically hold out for a huge contract or just walk to Smackdown with the I-C belt. MVP gets Santino a meeting with the "agent" who negotiated his huge deal (who turns out to be MVP, himself). We find out in a separate meeting with MVP and Teddy Long that MVP made a deal where if he got Santino to sign with Smackdown, MVP would receive the first title shot. So, Santino signs with Smackdown and fights MVP that night. MVP wins the title, but then Coachman interrupts. He tells MVP and the crowd that since the I-C title legally belongs to Raw, MVP must either move to Raw or drop the title. If MVP moves to Raw, though, he'll have to re-structure his contract so that he would no longer be the "highest-paid free agent ever." Ultimately, MVP decides that he'd rather keep his fat paycheck and avoid the wrath of Coachman than keep the title, officially making him the biggest douche bag on the Smackdown roster. The next week, Santino asks Teddy why his paycheck is so small. It turns out that the contract Santino signed with MVP gives MVP something like 90% of Santino's earnings. They then play up a poor immigrant angle for Santino, who's just trying to make a better life for his family back home, etc... Santino seeks a mentor who can help train him enough to kick MVP's ass, and is eventually coupled with a veteran [insert random WWE Legend here, hopefully Foley] on Smackdown who "trains" him for a few weeks/months (for free). Santino gets his win over MVP, and then moves on with his life, until his obligatory heel turn against the legend who helped train him and set up another Teacher vs. Student match.
Matt: I quite like this idea actually, although it does have a slight flaw in that if Santino is trained as they have already stated, you'd think he'd be slightly smarter than to let MVP screw him over like that. But still…
Nick: I liked it until you called him a "poor immigrant". He can't just be a guy? He's from Italy, so that just HAS to be played up?
Matt: Manny?
Easy enough. Knowing how Vince McMahon runs things, he'll either be forgotten in a month, or Umaga will win it back within the month.
Now for how I would book it: Nitro, feeling more used than a hooker in Vegas, demands (DEMANDS he says) a title shot. Melina distracts ref and Mr. Marella, chair shot, pin, wham bam thank you, ma'am.
Matt: Those first two aren't mutually exclusive you know.
Nick: I don't care about Johnny Nitro.
Matt: Angelo Velotta thinks a major push for Marella is in order. Why am I not shocked at all?
At Backlash Marella runs down to help even out the odds for Lashley, and helps Lashley get the win over Vince and Co. The next night on Raw, Vince declares Marella defend his IC title against Umaga. This is much more of an actual match then their first encounter, and Marella gets Umaga to tap out to hold onto the title. From here Marella gets a few weeks of squashes, 2 weeks of unknown jobbers and then Charlie Haas. The week after that Masters comes out and puts out the Masterlock challenge. Marella not only breaks the hold but reverses it and gets Masters to tap out. The next week Marella beats Masters in a one on one match. Marella then steamrolls through a few more jobbers before issuing an open challenge, which is accepted by the stumbling buffoon The Great Khali. This match actually isn't a squash for Khali, and Marella even gets up from Khali's finisher. Marella eventually knocks down Khali and gets him to tap out. He continues a feud with Khali for a short period, winning every time even though it seems impossible. Marella stays undefeated for a while until he creates The Santino Marella Open, which will feature 1 wrestler from 5 other nations plus him in a six man match. Super Crazy, Umaga, The Great Khali, Carlito, and Shelton Benjamin are the other participants. Carlito hits the Backcracker on Marella, but Benjamin gets a small package on Carlito for the victory to win the title. Benjamin and Marella then get in a feud over the rest of the summer ending at Summerslam in a submission match with Marella capturing the IC Title for the 2nd time.
Matt: Well, it would certainly make Marella a star. Although Khali/Marella…ugh.
Nick: Beyond ridiculous.
Matt: Dan From Brooklyn… steals my idea dammit!
BACKLASH: Lashley comes out and announces that since its 3 on 1 and Extreme Rules, he felt he needed some back up and calls out the NEW IC Champion, Santino Marella. Lashley dumps Umaga and Shane and hits Vince with the powerslam when SHOCKINGLY Santino turns heel and gives him a low blow. Samoan Spike by Umaga and we have a new ECW Champion.
TV: Vince, Shane, Santino and Umaga pose together and Vince announces it was all a ruse in Italy and Santino was his ploy to get the ECW Title off Lashley, with his gift being the IC Title. Lashley comes out for revenge but gets beaten down. On ECW television, the Corporate Champions (Umaga and Marella) are in a handicapped match against Lashley. Vince and Shane are backstage when they bump into CM Punk and tell him they think he'd fit nicely with them since he can't get along with the Originals or the New Breed. Punk tells them to stick it and Vince smacks him. During the handicap match Punk runs out and helps Lashley leading to a no contest. On ECW next week, it's a tag match Umaga/Marella vs. Lashley/Punk. Then it's an Extreme Rules Match. This all builds to One Night Stand where it is headlined by Umaga/Lashley - Hell in a Cell for the ECW Title, and Marella/Punk for the IC Title.
ONE NIGHT STAND: Shane tries to interfere, but Marella and him have heel miscommunication leading to Punk hitting Go 2 Sleep for the win and IC Title. Marella can either be fired by the McMahons and turn face or stay a mid card ECW heel. Punk uses the IC Title win to go the main show RAW and become a megastar having a Randy Orton-esque title reign holding the belt for the rest of the year.
Matt: Dammit. My idea, apart from the whole Punk business.
Nick: I like it other than the Hell in a Cell. Fuck using the Hell in a Cell. This feud, nor any feud in a long, long time, has been worthy of using that match.
Matt: Jackson Moore wants to help the whole "WWE: Global Domination" thing a smidge early.
I actually had an idea about making the IC title what it really is, an international title. When they return to the states, Santino gets put into "International Warfare", each week he would face a superstar from a different country. I also read a rumor that Vince picked up Heyman's "Giant killer" gimmick that was supposed to go to Spike Dudley and is giving it to Santino. So I combined both.
4/30/07 Raw- Santino defeats Super "Mexico" Crazy (if he wasn't injured) friendly competitive match. They shake hands afterwards.
5/07//07 Raw- Santino defeats Chris "USA" Masters in your run of the mill Masters match.
5/14/07 Raw- Santino defeats Carlito "Puerto Rico" Cool (who has turned heel the night after Backlash) with a lil Flair distraction. Coach announces his next IW opponent for Judgment Day, The Great Khali.
Judgment Day 5/20/07- Santino defeats The Great Khali by count out when he dropkicks Khali's knees and Khali goes headfirst to the ring steps. Nunzio and Trinity congratulate Santino in the back.
5/21/07 Raw- The Great Khali beats Santino to a pulp and Nunzio and Trinity (who were backstage with Santino) come down to check on only to get manhandled by Khali as well.
5/22/07 ECW- Nunzio w/Trinity vs. Stevie Richards comes to a halt, when the Great Khali comes out and destroys Nunzio and Trinity again.
5/28/07 Raw- Santino calls out Khali, who comes out and gets hit in the leg with a lead pipe by Nunzio knocking him to his knees. Santino follows up with a suicide dive knocking Khali all the way to the floor. Santino and Nunzio lay in kicks and punches while Trinity climbs the ropes and lands a moonsault onto the fallen Khali.
One Night Stand 6/03/07- The Great Khali vs. Santino Marella, Nunzio, and Trinity. The Great Khali wins the IC title after a Choke Drop to Trinity.
From there I push Santino and Nunzio as a tag team and Trinity becomes a fixture to the Woman's Division. Khali goes into a feud with Umaga who turned face at Backlash by giving a Samoan spike to Shane after Shane slaps him for losing the match
Matt: Anything that pushes Trinity as a wrestler I approve of in general. Provided she keeps her head down.
Nick: I don't understand the Khali push. Fine otherwise, though.
Matt: And finally, John Hucks sent this one in with a heading of "Marella: A Man That Could Change History". That's some big shoes to fill…
Do I believe in the statement that Marella can change history? Absolutely. I believe that the WWE should run vignettes with him and The American Dream, partying it up with Ric Flair, and show him training with the greats. Then who comes to ruin it? Melina. I believe Melina/Nitro/Marella can change the history of the WWE federation with one angle.
Have Melina talk about how she's sick and tired of hearing Marella talk about how it's a dream to be in the WWE because they are his worst nightmare. They say that the fan has got into the wrong line of work and he can go back to being President of Melina's fan club. They'll send him some tickets every now and then and all he has to do is hand over the championship. He comes out and Melina slaps him and Marella gets into a pull apart brawl with Nitro. They end up setting the date for Vengeance and Melina promises to make history the next night on Monday Night RAW. There's a match at Vengeance for the IC Championship with Marella putting up his flag and if Melina wins Marella becomes President of her fan club and Nitro's IC Championship.
Nitro ends up winning and the next night on RAW, they burn Italy's flag, and denounce every country. Except for America. They talk about how these countries are filled with governments, presidents, kings and queens that nobody cares about because the world will soon be like the United States of America where they worship celebrities over the scum, the trash - the people who summer and winter in the same place. The common man. And now they will take this opportunity to rise above the countries and give a toast to celebrities worldwide from Paris Hilton to Britney Spears to whomever and disband the Intercontinental Championship and refer to it as THE RAW Championship from here on it. Where you can text in your votes for the type of match you want to see it defended in on Monday Night RAW and turn MNM VERSION 2 into the newest and hottest act since ?.
Melina: I give to you, "the first RAW CHAMPION" JOHNNY NITRO!!!!!
Rules Of The Championship:
Defended Weekly (on RAW and RAW PPV's only.)
Opponents or Gimmick Can Be Randomly Chosen By The People either Prior To Or During RAW. Lots of fan interaction, good gimmicks could come out of this for sure
Matt: Ok, ignoring the disaster burning a flag on international TV would cause, if MN doesn't care for the common man, why let him dictate the rules? And where does this put the WWE Championship? This is…icky.
Nick: Way too over the top. Not good.
Matt: So, our ideas. Or rather, any Nick has, since Dan did mine.
Nick: Shit, just let him start defending the title and winning matches on RAW. Play up the fact that he is a trained wrestler, and make up some titles that he's one elsewhere. After some time, people forget about how he was some fan, and he's a wrestler.
Matt: So, now you can book your IC champ Vince. What's next on the hit list?
Mick Foley is floating around. Surely WWE can use him for something?
